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Mr.Burger
12-06-2003, 08:14 PM
Insert bad jokes into this thread:

1) I figured out how to make my dick 12" long.
-How?
-Fold it in half! (get it, andy? huh? get it? get it??)

2) How could you beat me you don't even know where I live. And what do you mean by beat? Beat my meat?



If you laughed at these then you've never really played monkey island you lying shard of f*ck.

SamNMax
12-06-2003, 08:37 PM
I've played Monkey Island. If I didn't why would I post here?

Ernil
12-06-2003, 11:07 PM
Oh Samuel. You laughed at those?




M'kay...here goes....


"Hey. My dad said that his car broke down, and he had to walk to the store. When he got there, he said "I'll need a bag with handles, because I have to walk home!"'


get it? GET IT? Sterling, Levi, and Bev would.

SamNMax
12-07-2003, 12:48 AM
No. Ididn't laugh the last one was mine. I didn't even make it to be funny, really.

PirateRedRosie
12-07-2003, 04:49 AM
1) I figured out how to make my dick 12" long.
-How?
-Fold it in half! (get it, andy? huh? get it? get it??)


I... don't get it.

Skinkie
12-07-2003, 05:34 AM
So the other day this old lady was driving home and she hit a dog... get it a dog. .... very sad.

Branik
12-07-2003, 08:24 AM
Originally posted by PirateRedRosie
I... don't get it.

He has a 24" "organ", which can easily be turned into a 12" one by folding it in half. Curiously though, I've always heard it in the form: "by cutting the excess off".

Darth Groovy
12-07-2003, 09:06 AM
http://www.themanipulation.com/room.jpg

Zoom Rabbit
12-07-2003, 10:34 AM
Excerpt from: 'PYT (Pretty Young Thing)' by Michael Jackson (http://www.adalarms.force9.co.uk/urigeller/michael-jackson/images/1171473_jacko_ny300.jpg)

Nothin' can stop this burnin'
Desire to be with you
Gotta get to you baby
Won't you come, it's emergency
Cool my fire yearnin'
Honey, come set me free
Don't you know now is the perfect time
We can dim the lights
Just to make it right
In the night
Hit the lovin' spot
I'll give you all that I've got (http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0311/20/ltm.01.html)

I want to love you (P.Y.T.)
Pretty young thing
You need some lovin' (T.L.C.)
Tender lovin' care
And I'll take you there
I want to love you (P.Y.T.)
Pretty young thing
You need some lovin' (T.L.C.)
Tender lovin' care
I'll take you there... (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/12/05/earlyshow/leisure/celebspot/main587054.shtml?cmp=EM8707)

Kjølen
12-07-2003, 07:02 PM
Two people walked into a building, you'd think they would have seen it.

Originally posted by Darth Groovy
http://www.themanipulation.com/room.jpg

Keee XD
True Aresener.

Das Mole
12-08-2003, 12:51 AM
um...i have a joke.














no i don't.

get it?

Orca Wail
12-08-2003, 01:54 AM
Three guys.

Two walked into a bar.

The other one ducked.

AURGH! ARGH!

Mr.Burger
12-08-2003, 02:52 AM
nono no you see that empty room picture actually made me laugh. you know what i say to humor in this thread? SCRAM! yeah. SCRAM! SCRAM!


SCRAM!


i'm regan pufall.

Alia
12-08-2003, 02:54 AM
Yeah? Well, I have three hermit crabs living on the room next to me!

Skinkie
12-08-2003, 03:10 AM
I stepped on a caterpillar.

Ernil
12-08-2003, 03:29 AM
your MOM stepped on a caterpillar.

Alia
12-08-2003, 03:36 AM
Your mom is a GIRL.

Joshi
12-08-2003, 10:35 AM
There are 3 kinds of people in this world, those who can count, and those who can't.

Sivy
12-08-2003, 12:38 PM
I got a job as a surgeon, it didn’t last long. my first job was a circumcision and I missed and got the sack.

a triangle and a circle go into a bar.. triangle says "your round"

a frog picks a book and says "readit"

a definition of confusion = 5 blind lesbians in a fish factory

a nun is in the bath, theres a knock at the door..
"who is it?" she calls.
"the blind man"
she thinks about it for a second, and then replies "ok, come in"
the man walks in, looks at the nun and says...
"nice tits.. where do you want the blinds?"

:D

Alien426
12-08-2003, 01:48 PM
There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

Joshi
12-08-2003, 06:22 PM
A Chicken goes into a library and says "book book book"
Originally posted by Siv
a frog picks a book and says "readit"


And Alien, isn't binary a system of 8 numbers, not ten?

PirateRedRosie
12-09-2003, 01:46 AM
And Alien, isn't binary a system of 8 numbers, not ten?

It's actually quite a cute joke when you get it.

Skinkie
12-09-2003, 02:37 AM
So once this guy he went to the store, he picked out the duck of his dreams, went to the counter and to the duck's dismay said, I'll send you the bill the in mail. BADUMDUM

PirateRedRosie
12-09-2003, 02:53 AM
Isn't it "BADUMCHEE"?

Ernil
12-09-2003, 03:58 AM
Isn't it 'Beat up the New Kid'?


;)

PirateRedRosie
12-09-2003, 04:24 AM
Go ahead!

I like a good punchin'! :toothrot:

Alien426
12-09-2003, 07:43 AM
Originally posted by Joshi
And Alien, isn't binary a system of 8 numbers, not ten?
No, it's the one with only 1s and 0s. Just set the Windows calculator to Bin, hack in "10" and set it to Dec. Then you'll get the joke.

PirateRedRosie
12-09-2003, 09:31 AM
No, it's the one with only 1s and 0s. Just set the Windows calculator to Bin, hack in "10" and set it to Dec. Then you'll get the joke.

Dec. 10th is my birthday! Guess how old I'll be! That's not in my profile, is it?

Alien426
12-09-2003, 09:49 AM
You're 19 and will turn 20.

Sivy
12-09-2003, 10:23 AM
What's the best way to keep milk from turning sour?
Leave it in the cow.

What is blue, green, red, yellow, purple, orange, black, brown, and gray?
A box of crayons.

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak.
overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
as she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed "What the hell did you do that for???!!!"
Tarzan replied, "Always check for squirrels."


A girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.
The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighbourhood, but little old Grandma.
The girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line.
A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

PirateRedRosie
12-09-2003, 10:45 AM
Originally posted by Alien426
You're 19 and will turn 20.

You and your freaking MATH SKILLS!

PirateRedRosie
12-09-2003, 10:55 AM
Hey, you just had your birthday a few days ago. Happy 26th, Alien426!

Alien426
12-09-2003, 11:03 AM
Thanks, Rosie.

Skinkie
12-09-2003, 07:04 PM
That tarzan joke went against the spirit of this thread. I found myslef laughing.

Joshi
12-09-2003, 07:05 PM
Originaly posted by Alien426
No, it's the one with only 1s and 0s. Just set the Windows calculator to Bin, hack in "10" and set it to Dec. Then you'll get the joke.

Okay, my joke was clever, but that one is just pushing new boundaries on the nerdometer.

Okay, bad joke number 2

A man walks along the street and slips... silly man.

Okay, so I cheated a little considering in a different context, that's it quite simply the funniest joke in the world (yes, that was what they said in that Monty Python sketch that killed everyone), but here, it's just pathetic, it's a crying shame.

Shivermetimbers
12-10-2003, 02:33 AM
Ok so Cinderella (beofre she got married) is hanging out with Pinioccio. She knocks him to the ground, sits on his face, and starts yelling, "Lie to me, Lie to me!!!"

The Disney movie of Pinnochio scares me a lot.

Skinkie
12-10-2003, 02:50 AM
Are you positive it was before she got married?

Darth Groovy
12-10-2003, 05:56 AM
Originally posted by Alien426
Thanks, Rosie.

Hey congrats! I'm only 3 years older than you. :)

Zoom Rabbit
12-10-2003, 11:32 AM
Q: Why did cats (http://www.anjviola.com/photos/cats/sebella.jpg) domesticate humans?

A: So they could get milk (http://www.owlnet.rice.edu/~ling417/milk.jpg) without getting their heads stepped on.

Sivy
12-10-2003, 11:48 AM
thats pretty bad Zoom, but i got that beat...

....


are you ready?


*drum roll*


....


*egg roll*



....


*chicken chop suey and egg fried rice*


....



Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the woodpecker would peck 'er

:dozey:

Joshi
12-10-2003, 06:54 PM
Originally posted by Shivermetimbers
Ok so Cinderella (beofre she got married) is hanging out with Pinioccio. She knocks him to the ground, sits on his face, and starts yelling, "Lie to me, Lie to me!!!"

The Disney movie of Pinnochio scares me a lot.

I've heard it before, but that doesn't make it less sick.

How many star trek fans does it take to screw on a light bulb?

Both of them.

Okay, the nerdometer is now broken.

Skinkie
12-11-2003, 02:52 AM
I bet if you made that joke at a convention you'd be phased.

DrMcCoy
12-12-2003, 08:13 AM
Q: how do you call a dog with no legs?
A: who cares? he won't come anyway!

Ernil
12-13-2003, 04:29 PM
Why was the little shoe unhappy?














Because his father was a loafer and his mother was a sneaker.


get it? Get it? Get it? get it? GET IT?

Huz
12-14-2003, 01:45 AM
How many Doctor Who fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit around waiting for it to come back on.

Sorry Joshi, I've broken your new reinforced "nerd-o-meter" ;(

Sivy
03-10-2004, 11:44 AM
w00t thread revival!!1one


what type of car does a wookie drive?

A Chewbac-Car


worst air disaster ever yesterday in ireland!
A 2-seater plane crashes into a cemetery, 1000s of bodies recovered.


a bar walks into a man, er no wait...

a skeleton walks into a bar. He says, "Get me a beer and a mop."


What's Mary short for?

She's got little legs.


I bet the butcher he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf, but he said the steaks were too high.


What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.


What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.



ooh the pain!!!! *goes for a lie down*

Ray Jones
03-10-2004, 12:28 PM
a horse walks into a bar. the barkeeper asks: "why the long face?"

Sivy
03-10-2004, 12:45 PM
why is it called hypertext?

too much java


A teenager walker into a drug store, he sheepishly told the druggist that he wanted a box of condoms.
"That will be $5.00", the druggist said,"Plus tax."

"TACKS!!!" the boy shouted," Don't they stay on by themselves?"


A guy walked into a bar with his giraffe. He orders a drink, and the giraffe lay down beside him. The bartender barked angrily, "Excuse me, but you can't leave that lying there!"

"er... It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."


why do seagulls avoid the bay?

because they don't want to be bagels


http://members.lycos.co.uk/sivyb/bender.jpg

Rapp Scallion
03-11-2004, 02:35 PM
OK, this is a joke that only works in Norwegian, but I'll post it in both norwegian and english, so you can decide wich one is the best. For all I know, you guys maybe think norwegian is exteremely funny.

And by the way, I learned this joke from my cousin. I laughed very much the first time I heard it.

Det var en gang en mann som gikk over et jorde, men det var bare noe han gjorde.

Once upon a time there was a man that walked over a field, but that was just something he did.

And another one that I learned from my sister, but I think that works in english too, so I'll just post this in english.

Once upon a time there was a man that walked over a bridge, and then he did it.

OK, for those who think norwegian is extremely funny, I'll write it in norwegian too.

Det var en gang en mann som gikk over en bro, og så gjorde han det.

CLAMBAKE! ERUPTION! CAN YOU HEAR ME SAYING NOTHING? ...in the slaughterhouse of my soul... FIDDLE DEE DEE!

-Rapp Scallion

Skinkie
03-11-2004, 07:21 PM
Hahahaha... Norwegian... snicker.. heheheh

Mr Flibble
03-11-2004, 07:28 PM
In our old house, there was this old german shepard who would jump over the fence every morning and do his business on our lawn.









Sometimes he brought his dog.