View Full Version : I Did Something Really Amazing Today

01-19-2004, 08:16 PM
Okay, it's sort of exciting, right. I don't know if you guys know about this technology yet; it's called snail mail. I think it's new or something, because I haven't seen it around before. Anyway, I posted my first email today, although I think they called it something else in that place.

Who wants to hear about my first 'snail mail' ever? And does this mean the world is imploding?

01-19-2004, 08:24 PM
Snail mail, huh? Sounds intriguing. I prefer carrier pigeons, but snails might do the trick.

Viva la revolución!

Das Mole
01-19-2004, 08:27 PM
i don't get it. what's the point of it?

Ray Jones
01-19-2004, 08:27 PM
mail snails?

Das Mole
01-19-2004, 08:32 PM

Who wants to hear about my first 'snail mail' ever? And does this mean the world is imploding?

i want to hear about the snail mail.

and yes, i'm sure the world is imploding.

Ray Jones
01-19-2004, 08:33 PM
it's not imploding, the sky is falling..

01-19-2004, 08:35 PM
That's not the sky. That's a conveniently placed backdrop.

01-19-2004, 08:44 PM
Well if you insist, I'll tell you all about it.

So I went in with this little Leprechaun thing and a card, and I was like, "Yeah I want to send this to America" and she's all "Okay, do you have an envelope?" and I'm totally, "What? Don't you just put it in a machine or something? And it pops out the other side of the world?" And she's all, "No, sweety. We mail it. With 'planes?" and I'm completely, "Oh, right." Only I didn't really understand at all so I just kept talking and I said, "So should I be at an airport now or something?" And she's like, "I'll weigh it for you." So she puts it on this thing and then she says, "65 cent" and I'm totally, "Oh, er, right. Where do I put it?" And she's all, "In my hand." So I'm like, "Right." so I put it in her hand and then the next thing she starts putting the Tiny Leprechaun and the Card into an envelope and sticking STICKERS all over it that say, "Postage Paid - An Avion" or something. And I'm totally worried about what she's doing with my Tiny Leprechaun and my Card, and then she's all like, "Write the address on the Envelope." So I'm all, "What, and the guys name?" And she's all, "yeah" so I write down his name and she's all, "That's his name?" And I'm "Yeah." And she's giving me this funny look as though I'd written down something insulting in some way, and then she says, "Right, cya." And I just stand there and look at here and she coughs and says, "Next" so I'm thinking maybe she forgot I was here so I keep standing there and she says, "next" a bit louder and I hand her the Envelope back and I'm like, "What do I do with it?" Because it's not like going anywhere or anything, and she's all, "Put it in the goddamn postbox outside, Okay?!!!" And I'm all like, "What?" And she gets up and leads me outside and points to this green box and says, "Put it in that hole!" And I'm all, "It doesn't look very electronic-looking to me... where does it go?" So she totally snatches the letter off me and shoves it into this HOLE in a WALL and after a couple of seconds I hear this echoey TUT!!! sound as it hits the bottom where there must have been like 50 other 'letters'. So I frantically try to fit my hand through the box screaming, "I'll never get it out! You bitch! You bitch!" and she starts screaming back at me, "You're a moron! A man will open this box tonight, take out all the letters, and bring them to the Airport, where they will be flown to America, and then sorted out and brought to wherever they're intended! Do you understand?" But I was too busy screaming and pee'ing in my pants to really listen to her.

But, on the whole, the experience was quite exhilarating and I would recommend other people to try this new, unique and slow method of communication.

I mean, especially if you are sending animals. They give every letter its own seat on an air'plane!!! Maybe if you pay extra, you can get a first-class seat for your letter. Who knows?!

A word of warning: the initial shock of the final parting goodbye to your letter can last quite a while. I was in agony for the rest of the day, wondering about that letter. Will I ever see it again? Will I? Does 'The Post Office' send a copy of every mail you send into some sort of special 'Sent items' folder? What kind of deranged communication system IS this?


If you have a 'Post Office' near you, perhaps you should check it out sometime.

01-19-2004, 08:48 PM
It's like something out of a Sci-Fi movie...

01-19-2004, 08:51 PM
I did something much more amazing today, 15 times more amazing! I bought 15 first class stamps which will soon be attached to 15 first class envelopes containing 15 first class begging letters.

01-19-2004, 08:52 PM
It takes DAYS to get there. Like email, except slower, more expensive, more troublesome, longer queues and grotesquely disfigured.

Ray Jones
01-19-2004, 08:59 PM
it worked for hundreds of years.


i now wait for the days where you can send e-packets.

01-19-2004, 09:02 PM
Some american is gonna be real pleased when he gets the letter full of useless **** I sent him!!!

01-19-2004, 09:06 PM
That enchants me. The profound mystery of what you have just explained sets my heart on fire. You whisper soft, delicate words of mail in my ear that intrigues and inspires, enthralling me with your magic talk of primitve e-mail. Stories involving bad tasting adhesives attatched to stamps, paper cuts, and long lines reminiscent of DMV trips fill my brain and linger in my mind. They intoxicate me with this intricate system of communication and corespondence you so elegantly call 'snail mail'. I realize, now, that your very soul is a swirling miasma of scintillating thoughts and turgid ideas, causing me to crave more and more deeply constructed 'letters' which touch something inside of me. There is also a hidden eloquence in your voice that really makes me want to eat pepperoni.

Ray Jones
01-19-2004, 09:09 PM
Originally posted by Yufster
Some american is gonna be real pleased when he gets the letter full of useless **** I sent him!!!

a porn link and a martha steward attachment..

this reminds me..

i once wrote a letter and spelled 'boops' wrong 7 times.

01-20-2004, 02:43 AM
Did you sent the letter to me? I would appriciate fine leprachan goodies in a paper container.

01-20-2004, 05:11 AM
That depends. It depends on who you are, my fine american bastard friend.

I mean, on one hand, who knows? You could be that person, in disguise, for the past since-the-beginning-of-time. You could come on to these forums to spy, because you are an *******. On the other hand, it's probably not you. You are nothing alike. Yet something compells me to wonder, is any one of us really who we claim to be? What if we are all just a bunch of Game Designers pretending to be other people on this forum, so that we can spy and hear what people say about us? I might be Dave Grossman. Might be. Andy could be Tim Schafer, and Meksilon might have been John Romero. And what if we didn't ever find out that we were all Game Designers in disguise, and we totally made idiots of ourselves for the rest of our lives? What if all I ever wanted to do was come here to hear the latest bitchniques on Ron Gilbert, but I got drawn into the conversation because we had this SECRET BOND BECAUSE SECRETLY WE'RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS THAT LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO AND (USED TO) WORK AT LUCASARTS! AND IF WE EVER FOUND OUT THAT WE WERE ALL LYING TO EACH OTHER WE'D BE REALLY REALLY ANGRY AND THEN WE'D ALL BREAK UP OUR SACRED FRIENDSHIP AND MAKE GAMES ABOUT EACH OTHER DYING AND CRIED AND CRIED LIKE IN THE END OF A CHICK FLICK WHEN EVERYTHING IS GOING TO GO HOPELESSLY WRONG, OR LIKE IN THE END OF THAT JONOTHY ZELLARS MOVIE SYNOPSIS I WROTE, AND THEN ONE DAY ONE Of US COMES BACK TO POST HERE AND EVERYBODY ELSE IS PRETENDING TO BE ANGRY STILL SO THEY POST BACK AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A SMILE LIGHTS IN THE CORNER OF OUR MOUTHS AND WE ALL START SMILING AND THEN WE START LAUGHING AND WE SEE THE FUNNY SIDE AND THEN WE ALL BECOME FRIENDS AGAIN AND HOLD HANDS AND LAUGH AND CRY AND SOB WITH HAPPINESS, AND THEN WE ALL PITCH IN A COUPLE THOUSAND DOLLARS AND PRODUCE A GAME SO ORIGINAL, AND SO TOUCHING, THAT IT LITERALLY MAKES PEOPLE ACROSS THE GLOBE WEEP FOR SHEER JOY, EXCEPT JOHN ROMERO BECAUSE HE WAS BANNED A LONG TIME AGO FROM THIS PLACE. LUCKILY I DON'T THINK THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN, BECAUSE IF YOU EVER FOUND OUT WHO I REALLY WAS, HOOO BOY WOULD I LOOK LIKE A DUMB MORON!!!

Ray Jones
01-20-2004, 06:30 AM
but then.. if I am not ray jones.. who else is it?? somebody has to be ray jones. and who am i? i mean.. i am not even sure anymore now. i used to think i was ray jones. but if i think about it.. you could be right.. i could be lying all the time. but we'll never find out. my imitated broken english is superb and due to the incoherence of my posts .. i even could be yufster without that you ever will know this really..

01-20-2004, 07:06 AM
and who am i then?
i... i... i could... be... ... SPOCK!

Orca Wail
01-20-2004, 01:06 PM
Yufster, Yufster, Yufster...

There is a world where people talk face to face as well, and a thing with no ceiling and the carpet is alive and they call it grass.

01-20-2004, 01:15 PM

Don't SAY such things! The world is made of walls and screens and keyboards and floors and mice and sewing kits and pencils! I also RESENT what Dav- YUFSTER last said. I would not CRY! I would just sniffle a little tiny bit. Sheesh!

01-20-2004, 01:19 PM
Originally posted by Orca Wail
There is a world where people talk face to face as well, and a thing with no ceiling and the carpet is alive and they call it grass. All right, all right. Now hold your noise! We don't believe your stinking lies. Life is a myth.

EDIT: See, Alia knows the truth!

01-20-2004, 03:02 PM
* Thrik whips out a shotgun and shoots you all in the face

01-20-2004, 03:41 PM
Ah, that one collective face that serves as a regular target for Thrik's emotional outbursts. So holey a face.

01-20-2004, 06:13 PM
Tim, I'm afraid these people continue to deny their existence as Game Designers. Is it that sad an existence that they must hide it?

Hey, we'll talk about this over coffee.

Simons Olympic Deli.



We'll steal a couple of salt shakers while we're there.

Ray Jones
01-20-2004, 06:42 PM
Originally posted by Thrik
* Thrik whips out a shotgun and shoots you all in the face

(read: thrik is a super duper mod now.. BEHOLD!!)

thrik sooting faces? that can only mean one thing..




01-20-2004, 06:52 PM
Dude. If you're going to alter people's avatars, at least make them not suck.

Ray Jones
01-20-2004, 06:56 PM
dude. that "altered" avatar is exactly really .. sucky. it fits perfect.

*location: wall-mart*


*wall, naked and crying jumps onto a pile-o-voodoodolls-o-thrik(TM)*


tsk.. that crazy wall.

01-20-2004, 07:07 PM

01-20-2004, 08:35 PM
So, like, this post-letter-thing... assuming that I posted this letter yesterday evening, which I did... when will it arrive at the Final Destination in California?

01-20-2004, 10:10 PM
Depends on where you're from. I think from Lungfishopolis to mCalifornia, that's about three weeks (assuming Lungfishopolis is ABOVE sea level).

01-21-2004, 02:02 AM
Knowing the US postal system, 4 years, 3 months, 17 days

01-21-2004, 05:04 AM
I was in an actual "post office" yesterday. It took about 20 hours to move 3 meters in the line. Going from that, I estimate that an e-mail which has to travel 20 billion kilometers should arrive in 200 years. But those are all just rough estimations.

01-21-2004, 07:03 AM
No no no... I mean let's assume by now it's in America, right? In the airport. Or maybe even in a post office by now. How long could it possibly take?

Surely a week at the most?

01-21-2004, 06:53 PM

Actually it really depends on where you are in relation to California and the plane route. Impossible to tell untill you've done it once.

Mr Flibble
01-21-2004, 09:56 PM
Most of my letters go from my home in Northern Ireland to the Mainland. And they are mostly cheques for crap I buy on eBay.
It'll arrive within a week.
Although to America....

Surely your postal system can't be as bad as our's, right?

I find this notion of a post office intriging.
I have only ever been in there ONCE to buy wool for a scarf I was knitting. It's still in my house somewhere. I can't finish it because I can't remember the rhyme.....

Or find the second needle.

I don't know why I didn't just BUY a scarf...
Oh, I remember! I WILL NOT let Mark's & Spencer's bleed me dry!!!!!!!!!!

01-21-2004, 10:05 PM
Damn. Irish post is much, much worse.

I calculate: ERROR

01-21-2004, 10:12 PM
I find this notion of a post office intriging.
I have only ever been in there ONCE to buy wool for a scarf I was knitting.

Um. Ummmm.

Oh yeah. I've been there. Nebraska's place is quite like Flibbles, but instead of wool they sell, lions are on the market.

Mr Flibble
01-21-2004, 10:15 PM
Don't Ummm at me like that!

I was a bit pissed.It was cold.M&S is in town. I was at the Kings Square. Post Office. Cold.... Scarf.........i'm not gay!

01-21-2004, 10:21 PM
You know, there's a magical border that separates England and Ireland... And the moment you step across it, into the UK, you are gifted with the ability to spell. Isn't that amazing?

P.S. Except for me, I can exist on either side of the border with this ability!

01-21-2004, 10:25 PM
Originally posted by Mr Flibble
Don't Ummm at me like that!

I was a bit pissed.It was cold.M&S is in town. I was at the Kings Square. Post Office. Cold.... Scarf.........i'm not gay!

Scarf at store. Food at Grocery Store. Car at mechanic. Mail at Post Office. Dog at Veternarian's. Pig at farm. Friend at home.

Scarf not at post office.

01-22-2004, 02:08 AM
I think Wal-Mart is capable of serving every purpose imaginable. To bad I'm boycotting them for not having goldfish when I went to buy one, also they only sell edited CD's, how gay is that?

Mr Flibble
01-22-2004, 08:51 PM
Well, since I live in Cherryvalley, I have no understanding of this WalMart.

Paracetamol at pharmacy. Car in shop. Scarf in M&S.

But come on, it was years ago.

I personally hate Virgin Megastores. You can see through the steps so I get vertigo.
Also they didn't have the Indy game I wanted. That new one where he goes to China. But never ye fear, I got it for christmas.

01-23-2004, 02:18 AM
Whoa, there's someplace in the world that Wal-Mart has taken over? Their like the galactic empire of super stores.

01-23-2004, 03:23 AM
You assume Flibble exists in our world. Bad move. This guy gets wool at a post office. There are infinite possibilities for where he's from.

01-23-2004, 02:59 PM
Flibble, Wal-Mart own ASDA.

Mr Flibble
01-23-2004, 08:20 PM
I live in Northern Ireland. ASDA DOES NOT EXIST HERE!!!
During the ASDA ad, you'll see a caption the says "Not in Northern Ireland".

We get Spar ¬¬

My Post Office sells all kinda crap. Cards, stationary and wool.
Does that mean nothing to you people?

(Actually it probably won't)

01-24-2004, 05:33 AM
Your trivial comments mean nothing to me, see you were right.