View Full Version : Things Skippy cannot do in the army anymore

Darth Homer
01-30-2004, 04:33 AM
Found this, wanted to share it. I found it to be hilarious:


Boba Rhett
01-30-2004, 04:47 AM
Some of my favs, :D

The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.

"Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.

I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

01-30-2004, 08:13 AM

some of my favs....

My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did

The proper response to a briefing is not 'That's what you think'.

Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot

Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in.

01-30-2004, 10:14 AM
Ahh, those were good.

Our medic is called 'Sgt Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'.

Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'.

Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'.

Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations.

The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish' things.

Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.

Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.