View Full Version : Its a bit rushed but...

01-30-2004, 07:39 PM
... i want to know your adivce on this Short story i made.
Its based in medievil times, there IS magic magic but only the "Code Keepers" have figured out ways of manipulating it.
Alot of stuff has been left un-explained becuase its all in my first unofficial book. I'll try to make a link to it one day but for now that isnt possible.
Davian is my Fanasy CHaracter. and the Author is
Ryan Mitchell
Dave Anderson
Both of whom are the same person. me. i want to change my name to Dave but havnt got round to it. ANYWAY! the story.

A Short Story
By Ryan Mitchell

Davian grasped the cell bars and started shaking violently. He had just been double crossed after taking a simple bounty hunting job.
”WARREN! WAIT UNTIL I GET OUT OF HERE! WARREN! WHERE ARE YOU HIDING WARREN! LET ME OUT OF HERE!” It was pitch black and Davian couldn’t see a thing, but he knew there was someone, or someone in that cell with him. He was terrified.
Just then, a shape that Davian could make out to be Human, roughly Warrens fat round shape.
Davian plunged his hand out of the cell and tried to grab the figured, but his hand was batted down by a figure he couldn’t see.
”Ah, Mr Anhel if you were smart you would know that when I have to go through the… bother, of double-crossing someone of your skill. Then you can tell it was worth it.”
Davian was getting angrier and angrier; Warren was playing with he emotions. Davian knew where he was, this was crime related people dumped bodies and left.
”Who wanted it? WHO!”
”Now now, why should I tell you that?”
In a great roar of rage Davian stuck both his hands out of the cell and started trying to grab warren again. The figure with the bat didn’t try to hit him that time. Instead a grunt and a movement was made.
”Yes, master”
Davian didn’t know what that was, but he knew it was in the cell with him. Then suddenly he his thrown against the wall and Davian reaches into the texts of the code.
”Telmano Yentay”
In an instant Davian is emitting a glow that illuminated as far as he could see (which wasn’t very far) He seen a creature, that looked like a zombie, but it was much too flexible and intelligent to be a zombie. Though it was hideous, his fear was nothing compared to that of Warrens face.
”what? Master! You never said he was one of the code keepers!”
The figure, which turned out to be a very muscular man replied,
”He shouldn’t be! He’s just some back alley Bounty Hunter!”
“I am NOT a back alley bounty hunter!” Davian was trying to fight the creatures amazing strength, but was failing.
”Shut up mortal!”
The creature stretched out his hand and the bodyguard handed him a sword.
”Code Keeper or not, Master wants you dead, you I make you dead!”
The creature raised the sword and started to plummet it down.
Davian reached into the texts of the code again.
”Asplis Negamire”
The sword was blown away and disappeared before it hit the wall.
The creature, Warren and the bodyguard were all looking at where the sword disappeared.
”I will not be left to rot!”
Everyone looked to Davian, then to the creature. It had a sword through its stomach
”Ha! That feeble mortals weapon cannot kill me, I can NOT be defeated!”
“Oh shut up!”
Davian pulled the sword up through the creature ripping it almost in two and yelled the words
”Apatine Gemalose”
The creature shone and smoked, until it was a charred corpse on the floor. Davian, quite pleased with his accomplishment hadn’t noticed Warren run away and the bodyguard has set up a series of traps.
Davian said more words in the code’s language and ran through the bars without touching them.
”Posio Warren blito”
Davian had conjured up picture of where Warren was, or was going to be. He couldn’t tell. And now that he was out of the cell he just realised how easily he conjured those spells, and the fact that he did without thinking was astonishing. Maybe there was more to the fact that a Code Keeper had never died here
Whilst he ran he managed to dodge many traps and found many secret doors, that were all open.
He produced from his coat, a whistle that he blew without holding anything back.
He kept blowing until he reached outside where his horse was waiting for him.
”Ah, come on blitz, we have a chase to chase”
the horse gave a neigh that implied “do we have to?”
And off they rode, after Warren.

To be Continued…

So what did you all think? if you like it ill post the sequel

01-31-2004, 11:18 AM
come one people! your looking but not giving me your opinions :P

02-21-2004, 03:39 PM
I thought it was good:D

02-26-2004, 07:17 PM
Hooray! a believer!
and someone who actually replied!

02-26-2004, 07:23 PM
The creature's voice is meant to be in italics....