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View Full Version : American Airlines to ban passengers on all domestic flights


Dagobahn Eagle
02-28-2004, 07:28 PM
NEWARK, USA, 22nd January 2004
In the light of the threats posed by the Axis of Evil, American Airlines today released a statement saying that they will ban human passengers and all forms of luggage on all domestic flights.

"We've found that there have been humans on board 98% of crashed aircraft", said AA's director, Jans Stromberg. "Especially pilots are a continous concern. It has been found that errors from their side have repeatedly led to accidents and human casualties. I believe it is about time someone took a step forward and eliminated this threat to aerial safety". Indeed, many aircraft accidents happen due to humans, and experts state that "0% of aircrafts without pilots will have a risk of crashing during taxing or take-off." For reasons unknown, AA have not as of yet been able to test in-flight and landing procedures without crewmen.

But like with all new rules, Not everyone are happy about this new restriction, however. AA has reportedly suffered a dramatic 100% drop in their ticket purchases, but will, according to Stromberg, "make up for it with the money we save on not having to buy fuel due to our engine ban" (see last week's article, "AA bans engines '-faulty engines responsible for deaths', spokesman says").

This ban follows multiple other restrictions, both proposed and passed. While KLM has banned hair on all their flights, domestic and international, on the grounds that "malicious devices" could be hidden in your hair, a spokesman reassures the public that "nobody who forget to take cair of this problem will be turned back. We have expected incidents and all personell at KLM Gates now carry shaving machines. Barber's chairs have also been installed". Continental Airlines banned clothing two weeks ago, following concerns after a Muslim Fundamentalist succeeded in sneaking a bomb on board an aircraft, and are contemplating tying all passengers up in their seats so that they cannot move their arms or legs during the flight. Passengers will also be given Trazedome, making them sleep for the duration of the journey. American Airlines recently classified all their flight schedules, according to them because "[the schedules] allow terrorists to plan their attacks prior to the flight". Furthermore, a ban of passports has been enforced on 39 airports so far, due to the risk of passports being falsified by terrorists. The same airports also consider banning all passengers without passports from flying.

This has been Řyvind "Midgard Eagle" W., reporting live from Newark International Airport.

RoxStar
02-28-2004, 08:06 PM
hahahahahahahahahahaaa... so funny.

ET Warrior
02-28-2004, 10:03 PM
That got a chuckle out of me :p

rick ulo 11103
02-29-2004, 12:31 AM
heheHAHAHAHA HAHA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



alright im done now


*walks away never to post in this thread again*

_PerfectAgent_
02-29-2004, 05:44 AM
They should also remove the wings and wheels! Most crashes happen when the plane is in the sky and the removal of the wheels also prevent the plane from moving if the terrorist is planning to hijack the plane from the airport. :p

ExcelsioN
02-29-2004, 10:36 AM
LOL! :rofl: The dumbasses.

Kain
02-29-2004, 05:43 PM
*goes to say something, but then sighs and leaves, shaking his head all the way*

hgwall44
02-29-2004, 05:53 PM
WOW *sits back and laughs at what society has come to*

DarkLord60
02-29-2004, 06:29 PM
ROFL

ET Warrior
02-29-2004, 06:35 PM
....It sorta seems like some people are taking this as a true report.........I hope i'm just reading the posts in the wrong way.....

Mike Windu
02-29-2004, 06:51 PM
Originally posted by ET Warrior
....It sorta seems like some people are taking this as a true report.........I hope i'm just reading the posts in the wrong way.....

read them left to right ET... it might make more sense!:D

ET Warrior
02-29-2004, 06:55 PM
Originally posted by Mike Windu
read them left to right ET... it might make more sense!:D

*slaps forehead*

Of course! It makes more sense now!!





You knew what I meant you sonofagun!!! :fist:






I know how to read

rick ulo 11103
02-29-2004, 07:14 PM
alright i lied


Originally posted by _PerfectAgent_
They should also remove the wings and wheels! Most crashes happen when the plane is in the sky and the removal of the wheels also prevent the plane from moving if the terrorist is planning to hijack the plane from the airport. :p

not to mention fingers, fingers can poke the crewmen we dont have and annoy them, causing them to crash the plane that isnt in the air.

:p

IG-64
02-29-2004, 07:46 PM
hehe, that's about how it is, too. :p

MennoniteHobbit
03-01-2004, 12:34 AM
hmm... sad how life now is, huh?

ROFL at the stupid American Airlines...

hey, since planes can at any time crash anywhere, let's ban planes too! ;)

ET Warrior
03-01-2004, 01:03 AM
Originally posted by rick ulo 11103
*walks away never to post in this thread again*

Originally posted by rick ulo 11103
not to mention fingers, fingers can poke the crewmen we dont have and annoy them, causing them to crash the plane that isnt in the air.

HA!


ROFL at the stupid American Airlines...

You do realize it's a joke...right? They didn't really do all that....
Everyone here knows that it's just a joke.......right?

IG-64
03-01-2004, 01:18 AM
How could anyone possibly think that wasn't a joke?

Oh, I can see it now "Today, on the news, American Airlines bans all passengers and crew from their airplanes, they also banned engines, hair, and clothes."

:rolleyes:

ET Warrior
03-01-2004, 02:59 AM
Originally posted by IG-64
How could anyone possibly think that wasn't a joke?

Well that's what I thought....but some people's responses are so...serious-like....

Dagobahn Eagle
03-02-2004, 04:30 AM
You do realize it's a joke...right?
I guess they just skimmed through the article:D . That, or it didn't really sink in.

I say banning Republicans from planes would help a lot...

ET Warrior
03-02-2004, 06:12 AM
Originally posted by Dagobahn Eagle
I say banning Republicans from planes would help a lot...

And then we could ban them from public areas :p

IG-64
03-02-2004, 08:00 AM
Originally posted by ET Warrior
And then we could ban them from public areas :p

heh, I never really go in public areas anyways...