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Mo Goya
03-24-2004, 08:36 PM
I wrote this poem a while ago. Its not very good, it is not good at all actually, but my friends told me its really good. Do they have good taste in poems? What do you guys think?

Santa and the Kid War

‘Twas the shopping before Christmas
And everyone was rushing,
All the children went to see Santa
He was sitting there blushing.

“Well, little children what do you desire?”
“An action figure, or perhaps a ball?”
“Yes!” they all screamed with greed
All of a sudden they came rushing down the hall.

The children jumped on Santa pulling on his beard.
They yanked him side to side, hitting him with a toy bat.
They pulled off his shoes
And stole his hat!

Santa, that old man
To their surprise
Was not so gleeful after all
For he was an alien in disguise.

He pulled out a candy cane
And started whacking it at them.
Then he ran faster than anyone could
He hid and pulled out a gem.

He tapped it once and vanished
Santa was forever gone
All the children went home to their tear-filled beds
Until at dawn …

Santa appeared with an army of elves.
The children came with their dolls.
And fighting broke out
With swords and cannonballs.

Santa won and Christmas continued forever,
This day became known as the Santa and Kid War.
No kid can ever speak of it again
But with all their toys galore…
WHO CARES?!

Orca Wail
03-24-2004, 09:52 PM
Interesting. You have an excellent "writing voice".

very, er, interesting, however...

Mo Goya
03-24-2004, 10:37 PM
Originally posted by Orca Wail
Interesting. You have an excellent "writing voice".

very, er, interesting, however...

Im not sure if thats a compliment or not, I think it is though, so thanks.

Mr Flibble
03-25-2004, 05:19 PM
Hah!
Choke on that Frost!
~Moi Bueno~

Das Mole
03-25-2004, 10:12 PM
geez, what is that? an epic poem? it's long, but good. actually it's not that long, but longer than one i would read. here's a free verse one i did for seventh grade:

let's see, how'd it go...oh yeah.

ol' deaf dan was as blind as a snake,
was a wolf when he sat down for dinner,
he constantly cried for chili con carne,
but the food always got up and said,
"run, run, as fast as you can,
you can't catch me, i'm the chili con carne man!"

i know. it's amazing. now everybody snap your fingers like in one of those kaffeeklatsch things. *snap* *snap* *snap*

Huz
03-25-2004, 11:39 PM
That poem has more plot holes than an episode of 24, Das Mole. Why does the chili con carne bother to speak to him when he can't hear it? Also, snakes aren't blind. Also also, chili con carne doesn't talk. That's common sense. Also also also, is the second line a metaphor, or was Deaf Dan really a wolf, but only when he sat down for dinner? If so, awesome! If not, that sucks. He should totally be a wolf - but that makes him a talking wolf, unless he cries for chili con carne in the same way as a dog would. Oh man. I deem this poem too confusing for public consumption. CONDEMNED!

Orca Wail
03-26-2004, 12:16 PM
Originally posted by Mo Goya
Im not sure if thats a compliment or not, I think it is though, so thanks.

*compliment*

Heehee. THis is a poem I wrote with a friend...

One night I died, run over
My @$$ got flattened
From a dump-truck
Good God.

---Orca WaiL & Beinji no Taiji

:D

Kafkakakakakakakakakakafa

Sivy
03-26-2004, 01:04 PM
nice poem :thumbsup: ...

but is it better than mine?

*ahem*

the freezer geezer listing to weezer with his girlfriend Teresa, who was a real teaser, unlike Louisa the pleaser, with her lemon squeezer.


thats right, i am the real slim shady

Ray Jones
03-26-2004, 01:48 PM
and me teh bust-a-rhymes, err what's ya name? s? i? v? Y no B? ah i see, you are gettin jiggy with it and beggin for my sheeeeaaat, ..... what?


:D

Mr Flibble
03-26-2004, 06:03 PM
(Slow tempo)
I'm the real shady.

All you
Other shady's
Are just
imitators

so
Will
The Real
Slim Shady
Please
stand up?
Please, Stand up?
Please. Stand up.

How can you do a spoken word version of a rap song ??!!

HE FOUND A WAY!

I was gonna post the GF poem, but I forgot it. Oh, I have a real one. Robert Frost. Out Out.

"Little-Less-Nothing! That was it
No more to build on there. And they,
Since they were not the one dead,
Returned to their affairs.

Guybrush122
03-27-2004, 02:23 AM
I am writing this poem,
oh dear reader,
to try and self-medicate,
for that seems easier

than taking small pills labeled "b"
for your see, dear reader,
I have A.D.D.
And I never seem to finish what I

Das Mole
03-27-2004, 03:27 PM
That poem has more plot holes than an episode of 24, Das Mole. Why does the chili con carne bother to speak to him when he can't hear it? Also, snakes aren't blind. Also also, chili con carne doesn't talk. That's common sense. Also also also, is the second line a metaphor, or was Deaf Dan really a wolf, but only when he sat down for dinner? If so, awesome! If not, that sucks. He should totally be a wolf - but that makes him a talking wolf, unless he cries for chili con carne in the same way as a dog would. Oh man. I deem this poem too confusing for public consumption. CONDEMNED!

yeah. the only reason it's confusing is because we had to do a poem packet, and throughout the poems, we had to include a simile, a metaphor, an alliteration, and some other technique. oh yeah, personification. it's very creative isn't it.