View Full Version : StarWars: episode 7 (Doomgivers version.)

04-01-2004, 03:00 PM
This story is loosely based on fragments of stories from across the web, and if people recognise anything they wrote, they receive full credit from me. Also, don't clutter the thread, i made the poll for that reason. And if you want to make a suggestion, go ahead.

After a long civil war, peace is finally restored to the galaxy. The LAST OF THE SITH has been killed and balance was restored to the force. Jedi knight LUKE SKYWALKER has begun a jedi academy on Yavin 4, a former rebel base. The rebel alliance, now the NEW REPUBLIC, encourages the resurrection of the ORDER OF THE JEDI, and New republic cruiser Peacekeeper is on it's way to Yavin 4, full of students eager to become the next generation Jedi in the galaxy...

chapter 1: strange encounters.
Domen Gann walks up to the bridge of the ship. 'are we there yet?' He asks the one of the officers. 'No' is the answer. 'but it won't be long now. Why don't you sit down like the rest? this is the third time you came up here.' 'I know, but i just want to be a jedi!' 'Just a little more patience kid.' Suddenly the blue light on the bridge dissapeared. They dropped out of Hyperspace. 'Why'd we stop? we're not there yet!'the captain asked. 'I don't know sir. Possibly a malfunction. I'll go over and look.' The officer walked out the door. 'Strange... This is an old ship, but this never happened.' The officers voice sounded out of the captains comlink.
'Hyperdrive seems to be intact. No leaks, no malfunction, no loose wires, nothing.' 'that's weird. I'll radio Yavin 4 and see if we can...'
Then, some ships appeared out of nowhere and began attacking the peacekeeper 'what the... Who are those guys? All pilots to their fighters!' Domen went along. He was an excellent pilot. He entered the cockpit of his Z-95 headhunter and joined the battle. The mysterious ships seemed to randomly appear and dissappear around them. The pilots had a hard time hitting them.
'See if you can hold them away long enough for us to find out what's wrong with that Hyperdrive.' the captain's voice sounded through the comlink. The Republic suffered heavy losses. One of the X-wings crashed into an invisible frigate, wich immediatly became visable. 'that's it' said the captain, 'that ship must have a gravity well projector aboard. If we destroy it, we're home free!'
'i take that as an order?' Domen replied. The other pilot's did the same. They started bombarding the ship with Proton torpedoes. The mysterious frigate entered hyperspace quickly. 'well, we didn't destroy it, but now we can continue our journey. All pilots, return to base. Captain out' Domen was the last to enter the hangar. Then the blue light appeared again behind him. They re-entered hyperspace. 'that was a close call' He said to himself, as he walked up to the bridge again. 'great work out there kid. If you guys didn't chase away that frigate when you did, we would be space debris by now. I bet you'll make a fantastic jedi.' 'thank you sir.'
Sometime later they dropped out of hyperspace again. But this time, they were there. 'Here we are. Yavin 4.' Then, a shockwave went through the ship. Appearantly the mysterious frigate arived there befor they did. 'we're under attack again! Shields are down, they're gonna...' BANG! hull breach. 'this rustbucket won't hold out much longer. Everyone to the esape pods! That's an order!' The captain said through the comlink. Domen was already inside an escape pod. While some people were talking about how exciting this all was, Domen didn't see anything positive about it.
Who were the mysterious attackers? Wasn't there supposed to be peace in the galaxy? And why did they attack? And how could they cloak? All questions, and Domen couldn't wait for them to be answered. The pod launched. He could see the mysterious frigate through the window. Escape pods being blown up. Boarding shuttles. don't let them blow us up! he thought. They were lucky. After a couple of minutes, they crash-landed on Yavin's tropical surface.
Domen kicked open the door. He was the only one that remained conscious after the crash. Apparently they fell through the roof of an ancient massassi temple, wich dot yavin's surface. The room in wich they stood seemed to have no exit, but there was one thing inside: a strange crystal orb, standing on some sort of shrine. Domen put it in his backpack. Then, he heard a voice. 'ah, up already?' Domen looked around. One of the other passengers woke up. 'yeah, looks like we crashed in some sort of temple. Doesn't seem to be a way out. All we can do is wait.' 'alright, i'll go see if the others are waking up yet.' Domen looked at the orb.
'what a strange thing. i wonder what it is? maybe Master Skywalker knows...' Some hours later, they heard a voice coming from the outside. 'Anyone alive down there?' 'yeah, we're ok. Drop a rope, will you?' 'ok.' A rope fell down. 'we saw the smoke. is anyone injured?' asked the voice 'nope, everybody seems to have made it just fine.' Domen climbed out of the hole. 'thanks.'
'you're welcome. My name is Kyle Katarn, i teach at the academy.'
'Domen Gann, nice to meet you, master Katarn.' ' It's just Kyle.' Some other students came out of the hole. 'i expected some heavily injured, so i came in this troop transport. There's place for everyone.' Said Kyle. Everybody went aboard. Domen sat next to Kyle. 'So, what actually happened up there?' Asked Kyle.
'we were attacked.' Said Domen. 'Attacked by who?' 'I'm not sure. All I know is that they could turn invisible.' 'Invisible eh? Interesting...'
The next day. All students that survived were found and brought to the academy. Domen would get his first lesson today. He already made some new friends. His best friend was Geebo , a trandoshan that also sat in the same escape pod as he did. he entered the meditation chamber, were he would recieve his first lesson. or at least he hoped so. There were many jedi, as well as students. Geebo was already there. On a shrine at the end of the chamber stood Luke Skywalker. Master Skywalker. Domen quickly sat down with the rest. 'Welcome, new students.' Said Luke. 'It's great to see that so many people are talented with the force. Know however, that the road to becoming a jedi knight has many obstacles, and is not without danger. Therefore, a jedi must possess great discipline. Otherwise, you may easily fall to the dark side. But first, you will all be assigned a master, who will teach you and guide you trough the road to succes. He will instruct you in jedi history, the building of a lightsaber, and of course how to use the force. Now let's begin, shall we? Domen Gann, you will be assigned to Master Katarn. Geebo Duak, you will be assigned to Jaden Korr. Gader yon, you will be...' 'Hi Domen.' said Kyle. 'Oh. hi. What a coincidence right? That we end up together.' 'Not really. I asked Luke for it. I want to know more about those invisible attackers. Did they give any reason as to why they attacked?'
'no, they just pulled us out of hyperspace, appeared out of nowhere and attacked us. Why?' 'Just to check. Strange. Did they look like Imperial ships?' 'hard to see. They were invisible most of the time.' 'well, then we'll investigate later. Right now, let's get your training started.' 'do i get a lightsaber?' 'not yet, we still have a lot to do until then.' They exited the meditation chamber, and Domen began his training.

chapter 2: on the job.
Nar Shaddaa, the vertical city. Inside Fundo Coraks throne room. Corak was one of the most powerful crimebosses in whole nar shaddaa, and also a collector of rare artifacts. Suddenly, a slave entered. 'Master Corak, There is someone here to see you. He claims to be a certain Gorsk. Do you know him?' 'Of course i know him. Whenever he drops around, it's for bussiness. And bussinness is good with him. Let him in!' The slave exited again, and soon, a trandoshan in a black cloak entered. 'Hello, Gorsk! What brings you here? Another 'rare antiquity' ?' 'no,' said the trandoshan, while he transformed back into his clawdite self. 'What is the meaning of this?' Aksed Corak. 'Simple. It means i am you from now on.' The clawdite stretched his hand towards Corak, whose hands flew to his throat. He was suffocating. When he was dead, the clawdite put him in the garbage masher and transformed into Corak. He activated the comlink. 'tell my boys to get to the throne room because i might have a job for them.'

Kyle came in Domen's chamber. 'Hey Domen! Guess what? We've got our first mission.' 'What the... Aren't i supposed to train years before this sort of thing?'replied Domen. 'No,no...you can learn a lot on these trips. As long as you don't have a lightsaber yet, you'll just have to rely on this blaster.' Kyle gave him a DL-44 blaster pistol. Domen looked at him a bit surprised. 'Don't worry. I'm there should anything go seriously wrong.'
The raven's claw entered Nar Shaddaa's orbit and landed on a platform. 'charming place.' Domen said. 'Yeah, well as long as you can stay out of trouble, this rock is just about bearable.'
'what are we here for anyway?' 'we're gonna investigate a murder. A trandoshan known as Gorsk was found dead in an alley. Probably a 'deal' gone wrong. We're here to find out who killed him and why.' And for that, Kyle turned to the local cantina.
'Wat's yer poison?' asked the barkeeper to Domen, who looked to Kyle. Kyle said: 'Correlian ale please. And for my friend here...' 'water.' 'Alright.' said the barkeeper and he turned to the shelfes full of bottles. 'is this place legal?' Domen asked Kyle. 'not really, but it has usually has useful information.' The barkeeper returned with their drinks 'and what're ya here for t'day, Katarn?'
'Some Info. About a Trandoshan named Gorsk, do you know him?'
'Gorsk...Gorsk...yes, i believe there was someone called Gorsk here a while ago. Said he was a 'trader in rare antiquities.' He was pretty drunk at the time. Why?' 'He was found murdered a while ago. The jedi order believes it's a bussiness deal gone bad.'
'Well in that case, you might wanna check on Fundo Corak. He said something about selling his stuff there. He lives up on the higher levels.' 'thanks.' Kyle and domen walked out the bar. The Barkeeper shouted: 'and be careful, i heard this Corak guy is quite dangerous!'
'No, i know nothing about it.' Said Corak. 'he was here just yesterday.' 'that's the day he's been killed.' 'what, you're not suggesting i did it, right?' 'no, no. of course not. But would you mind if i asked you some questions?' 'no, no not at all.' 'Allright. Domen, why don't you go look around a bit? You can't do anything here anyway.' 'Alright Kyle.' And Domen left the throne room.
He walked around the building. Everywere there were strange statues, objects and other things to see. On shrines, placed in the walls, all kinds of 'rare antiquities.' and the likes. Domen took a close look at one. he sensed several beings with the force, and they were nearby. He also felt anger, hatred. He looked at a statue with an arm sticking out. He pulled it, and the wall next to it opened. He entered the hallway that followed, and the beings he sensed came closer. After a turn, he saw three people standing in a room. They were standing around something, but Domen couldn't see what it was. He saw another exit, wich probably led outside. he overheard what the three people were saying. 'is this it?' 'it sure looks like it.' 'Great. Now we have one piece. Only one to go.' They walked out through the other exit. Domen could now see what they were talking about. Some sort of statuette, a holder for something. He pulled out the crystal orb, wich he still had with him. It fitted right in. A hologram appeared around it. It was an entire database, with planets, technology, important people in history, and... teachings of the sith! He turned around to tell Kyle, but he found himself face to face with a towering trandoshan. Before he realized it, he was hit hard on the head. 'what do we do with him?' 'throw him in the garbage masher, like the other one.'
Domen found himself surrounded by garbage and, unfortunate enough, walls. Next to him was another body. he recognized it immediatly. It was Fundo Corak. And by the looks of it he was dead for a few days already. 'if Corak's dead, who's sitting up there in the throne room?' He also quickly realized that he was in a garbage masher with no way out. Not even a closed door, only walls. And two of the walls started moving. Domen started to think quickly. The only way out seemed to be a painful one. Unless... Domen was willing to try. He'd die anyway if he didn't.
As the walls came closer and closer, he jumped over one of them and landed on the other side. He crawled through a small shaft from wich the metal bar that pushed the wall extended. The wall closed again and everything turned dark..there'd better be a way out of here, he thought, and kept crawling, touching the wall as he went on. He felt a button, and pushed it. A maintenance entrance opened. Domen found himself in some sort of engine or reactor chamber. He quickly went through the door and back to the secret room. The statue was gone, and so was his orb. He went back to the throne room. 'Kyle, i think it's time to go.'
'alright, we won't get any wiser from this guy anyway.' and they walked out of the building.

04-02-2004, 12:57 AM
I like it keep it comeing this ROCKS!!!...

04-02-2004, 02:01 PM
chapter 3: Unexpected ally.
Back at the academy, Domen thought it would be wise to tell Master Skywalker about the sith Holocron and the false crimeboss. 'Hmmm... This is very serious.' Said Luke after hearing Domen's story. 'i'll inform the republic of this. There may be a connection between this and the fighters that attacked thepeacekeeper.' Then he walked out the door. Domen followed, but he was stopped by Geebo. 'what was all that about a holocron? My first mission involved settling a trade dispute, wich was very boring. And you find a holocron and deal with crimebosses!' 'trust me, it's nothing to be excited about.' 'yeah, well, i actually wanted to tell you there's a message for you. I recorded it on my datapad.' said geebo and he pushed a few buttons on his datapad and the message started playing. 'greetings, jedi. Let me introduce myself. I prefer to remain anonymous, but you can call me shade. I work for Fundo Corak. Now i know that Corak is involved in a lot of criminal bussiness, and i can help you put an end to it, for a price. What do you say?' Transmission ended. 'well,' said Geebo, 'What do you say?' 'I don't know. I'll show it to Kyle and see what he thinks.'
'well, it seems like a good deal to me,' said Kyle after hearing the message. 'Only it doesn't seem like a mission for a rookie like you. I think we'd better let some Jedi knights handle it, so you can train some more.' 'Alright Kyle.' And Domen walked away very diisapointed.
The next day, Domen went to Geebo. 'Hi Geebo. Have you heard it? They're sending in a jedi strike team. To bad i can't come along. I have to train.' 'I don't. It's my day off.' replied Geebo.
Domen: 'and that's exactly why i came to you.' 'you want me to...'
'follow them and see what you can find out. What do you think?'
'What do i think? I'd love to! Finally, something else then solving boring trade disputes and the like! Woohoo!' 'remember, don't let them see you, or you'll be cleaning the training grounds for the rest of your life.'
Moments later, the strike team of three jedi flew to Nar Shaddaa. Geebo followed some time later. 'Good luck Geebo' Domen whispered, and then he concentrated on moving some stones with the force. In the meanwhile, Shade contacted the academy again.
'Greetings, jedi. Look what i found in Coraks colllection: (he raised a glass jar with something in it.) Skywalkers old hand. I'm willing to sell it. Meet me on Coruscant in three days. You'll get the exact location when you accept.' 'Three days... I'll go and tell luke about it. You practice some more.' Said Kyle and he disappeared through the door.

The jedi arrived on Nar Shaddaa. They saw someone at Coraks door. 'over here! i's me shade!' said the figure. 'follow me. There is a secret entrance!' Right when they entered the building, Geebo arrived and landed his Z-95. Geebo saw them enter trough the secret entrance and followed them. 'This is his throne room. I want to be payed no in case you don't survive.' The jedi gave him 5000 credits. 'Thanks. Now i have to go. Suppose he's on to me and send someone after me. Now goodbye!' and shade ran off. the jedi entered the throne room. Geebo wanted to follow them, but the door closed shut. He decided to wait outside.
in the Throne room, everything was dark. The jedi activated their sabers to provide them with some lighting. Then they saw Shade's dead body on the floor. 'I have a bad feeling about this.'
There was a Datapad lying next to Shade's body. The jedi examined it. Then it started playing a private message. Shades face appeared on the screen. 'greetings, infidels! I knew you would try something. That's why I left you a message: The sith will rise again! Not only do we possess all knowledge known to the ancient sith, we also have the most powerful allies. A whole army of Skywalker clones. Thanks to that old hand. Why am i telling this, you ask? simple: you won't survive! Bye bye now, weaklings!' The jedi ran for the door, but it was locked. They tried to cut it open with their sabers, but it was too late: A bomb went off.
Geebo was waiting outside the Throne room, when he suddenly heard a loud bang! He turned around and saw the doors being blown away. His jedi reflexes made him jump to the side just in yime, or he would have been squished under the doors. He looked inside the throne room. Everything was black, some things were destroyed and on the ground lay four burning bodies. Geebo recognized the three jedi. In the other one their contact. 'how could that be? i just saw him running away!' Then, part of the ceiling came down. He started running, as fast as he could, hoping to get out before the entire building collapsed...

Domen woke up from his meditation. 'Geebo.' he said. He ran to his Z-95 and took off to Nar Shaddaa. There he found Geebo lying wounded on a landing platform, next to his ship. Domen put his Z-95 down and made his way to geebo. 'are you alright?' he asked. 'Only... a flesh wound.' Geebo said. 'It was a bounty hunter...Hired by Corak. But there are more... important things. That guy... Shade. He...' 'Yes?' 'he's not real.' Then he passed out. 'Oh no... I have to get him to a bacta tank.' He put him in the cargo space of his ship and set course for the Nar Shaddaa Hospital.
In the meanwhile, Luke arrived on coruscant. He entered the door to the appartment were he was supposed to meet Shade. He saw his hand in the jar on a table, but apart from that the room appeared to be empty. 'Hello, Shade, are you there?' Shade stepped out of the shadows. He moved his hand and the door behind Luke closed. Then he transformed back into his Clawdite form and activated a red lightsaber. 'Today, Skywalker, you will pay for trying to destroy the Sith!' And with that words, he jumped luke, who pulled his lightsaber towards him in a reflex.
The clawdite as a fierce opponent, but Luke parried all his blows, until he cut Lukes saber in half. Luke jumped over the table and the clawdite cut it in half. The jar fell on the ground, but fortunatly it didn't break. Luke threw it against his opponent with the force, causing him to fall on the ground and drop his saber. Luke pulled it towards him and held it against the clawdites neck. You were a worthy opponent.' He helped the Clawdite stand up. 'and now, i would like to ask you some questions.' 'never!' he shouted and jumped out of the window to meet a certain doom at the bottom of Coruscant. Luke took the jar with his hand and cut open the door with the clawdite's saber. Then he took off to Yavin 4.

Chapter 4: On to Something.
Domen returned to Yavin. Geebo sat safely in a Bacta tank at Nar shaddaa and there was nothing more he could do. He landed his ship and when he climed out, he saw Kyle standing at the door.
But he wasn't angry like Domen expected. Instead he said: 'hey Domen, great to see that you're back!' 'But... aren't i gonna get punished?' 'Yes, for disobeying a direct order and for not showing much discipline. But Luke should decide about that and he hasn't returned yet. Now come along.' Kyle stepped on a speeder bike. Domen followed in his lead. Then they both took off into the wilderness. 'Where is it that we're going?!' Asked Domen. 'You'll see!' Kyle Shouted back over the noise of the bikes.
After a while they arrived on a familiar place. 'But... This is where the pod crash-landed, and where i found that orb!' 'yes, a couple of thugs tried to break in and steal it. When they noticed it was already gone, they were detected by a jedi that came out here to meditate. They put up quite a fight. He's captured one of 'em. Then he contacted me.' Then the jedi who captured him jumped out of the hole. 'Master katarn. Icut off the rope so only Force-users will be able to jump out, and... oh hi, i don't believe we've met. My name is Jaden Korr. I instruct Geebo Duak.' Domen turned his face to the ground. He felt guilty about sending Geebo to spy for him. 'I already got some information from our captive. Appearantly he works for a guy named Fundo Corak.' 'I've heard that name before...' said Domen with some sarcasm. 'Anyway, he parked his ship over there.' said Jaden, while pointing to the spot, 'I haven't been there yet, but you should check out how it got past our sensors and defenses.' 'will do. Come along, Domen.'
said kyle, and he jumped back on his Speeder bike.
They arrived on the spot. 'It appears to be a TIE defender.'Kyle said, while he entered the cockpit, 'But the controls are somewhat different from my Imperial years. Ah, damn, flight plans have been deleted.' He pushed a button he didn't know of what it would do and... 'Kyle, the ship disappeared!' 'what the... I think we're finally on to something.' Kyle said, 'I'll have the mechanics tear this ship apart until we find something. Go back to base and get a transport big enough to get this baby home.'

After a day, Geebo was released from the hospital and flew home. Then, he and Domen were sent to the planet of Altyr to get crystals for their lightsabers. They were dropped of at a crystal cave. 'isn't someone supposed to go with us?' Geebo asked. 'No, the mission should be without danger and you're supposed to do it by yourself anyway. I'll wait up at the mountain. Call me if you need me.' Said Kyle and the Raven's claw flew away. then Geebo and Domen entered the cave.
'it's kinda dark in here, isn't it?' said Geebo. 'yeah. But we'll get used to it. Maybe it's supposed to be that way. Let fate pick a color for you. Just look out were you walk.' They continued with their bodies pushed against the walls, so they wouldn't miss it when they came across some crystals. Finally, Geebo found one.
He pulled it loose, but the wall came down as well. Jedi reflexes saved him for the second time. When they looked through the hole, they were blinded by the shining of the many crystals. The sunlight just got trough the crystal roof, and provided a magnificent lightshow. the shining was so bright that Domen and Geebo had to protect their eyes. They both picked out a crystal, but then they heard a strange beep, followed by an explosion.
Someone blew up the exit, and now they were trapped. 'oh no. Who did that?' 'probably one of those mysterious attackers. It'll take years to dig trough that. let's call Kyle.'

A few minutes earlier, atop the mountain... Kyle was aiting for a call from the boys when suddenly, someone appeared behind him.
Kyle turned around. He looked at a two-meter tall trandoshan. 'who are you?' 'Your worst nightmare.' The trandoshan was holding a remote control. He pushed the button and Kyle heard a big explosion. 'That takes care of the two kids down there. Only one weakling to go.' Kyle activated his lightsaber, but behind the trandoshan, Luke appeared. 'Luke, what are you doing here? Well anyway, you came just in time, whis guy...' Suddenly Luke activated a red lightsaber and attacked Kyle, who could barely dodge it. 'what the...' He activated his lightsaber and began to fight Luke. 'Luke, what's wrong, it's me!' 'My only purpose is to serve the sith!' Said Luke, while trying to cut off Kyle's head. 'If that's how you want it...' Kyle caught Luke by surprise and pushed him off the cliff. 'so long...' In the Chaos, the Trandoshan got away.

'Still no response.' Said Domen, who was trying to call Kyle for the Third time. Then, Luke came crashing trough the crystal ceiling.
'He...He's dead!' Said Geebo. 'I don't trust this.' Domen pulled of Luke's glove, that hides his bionic hand. In this case, it his a real one. 'It's a clone. Luke couldn't have let it put back on in such a short time. But who cloned him, and how?' Then, the Raven's claw came to pick them up. 'looks like you have some interesting stories to tell back at the academy.' said Kyle, and they flew home, to Yavin 4.

'so...' said Luke, after hearing the story. 'They've cloned me. That's not good.' 'You should wear some sort of sign so we can recognise you. But what?' 'I'll think of something.' Then Kyle entered the room, and said: 'The techs have found something in the Thug's ship. Appearantly, it has some sort of crystals wich allow it to cloak. We thought they weren't availlable anymore, because there were so little of them. But then we received this message from a spice miner on Kessel:' '.... Not much time... on to me... could escape...... found something else.... strange crystals........ attacked..... help us..... (blaster shots) Aaagh!'
'I admit there's alot of interference, but it sounds like what we're looking for.' 'Alright,' said Luke, 'You and Domen will go to Kessel to investigate.' 'Sounds good to me.'

chapter 5: Like a rat.
Kyle and domen sat in the Raven's claw. 'So, ready for your first job with a lightsaber?'Kyle asked. 'Yeah, i think so.' 'We're almost there. Dropping out of hyperspace. There we go. Kessel. Not much of a paradise.' Suddenly, a shock went trough the ship.
'what the... we're being shot at!' 'Can't you outmanouver them?'
'You bet i can!' Kyle Pulled up and the claw made a somersault. Now they were on their attacker's tail. 'But... That's a TIE fighter! Where did it come from?' As an answer to Kyle's question, they were caught in a tractor beam. Within a few minutes, they found themselves inside an Imperial star destroyer.
'Blaster bolts! Just my luck. I hope you already trained with that saber cause you're gonna need it!' The ship was put down in a hangar bay. they were immediatly surrounded by stormtroopers.
As the cockpit opened, Domen immediatly activated his lightsaber, but Kyle said: 'No. They win this round.'

Star destroyer Doombringer, detention level, cell 1138.
'Well, that's another fine mess you got us into!' Domen shouted to Kyle. 'Calm down Domen,' He answered, 'Anger leads to the dark side.' 'How can you even talk about being calm? we're in a cell aboard an enemy star destroyer with no hope of ever escaping! Why didn't you let me at 'em?' Then, two stormtroopers came in. 'Here's your food, rebel scum.' Kyle waved his hand. 'you are feeling nice today and let us go.' The stormtrooper replied. 'I'm feeling nice today. Why don't we let them go?' and the stormtrooper opened the door again. 'You are feeling very sleepy and want to lie down' The troopers yawned and began to sleep on the floor. 'Nice.' Domen said. 'You're welcome. Put on the suit, it'll come in handy.'
A few minutes later, near the comm station...
'Trooper, what are you doing here?' 'Ehm, well er... you see, we er...' Said Domen. He couldn't think of an excuse right now. Luckily, Kyle saved him. 'We've been reassigned. hasn't anyone informed you about it sir?' 'Hmmm...No, but if you say so, i guess it's ok.' the officer walked along. 'That was close. we almost had our cover blown.' 'It's not too late for that. So keep it quiet and try not to attract too much attention.' then Kyle walked up to the com panel. 'Hello, this is Kyle Katarn calling Rogue Squadron, i repeat, this is Kyle Katarn calling Rogue squadron. We are captured aboard a stardestroyer. Our current location is er... Domen what is our location?' 'It's...' Then, another officer came along. 'What are you doing here? Troopers aren't allowed to use the comm station!' 'er.... well we... just die!.' Domen fired his blaster rifle and hit the officer. 'Control your emotions Domen! Now we're in big trouble!' Domen saw stormtroopers coming their way and locked the door. The troopers were already trying to pry open the lock. 'Damn it Domen, now we can't find our position. Rogue squadron will have to wait.' Kyle blasted a hole in an air vent. 'There, that should do it! quickly, crawl in!' They had just gotten in when the troopers opened the door. 'This is patrol 17, looks like the suspects are inside the ventilation shafts. What to do?' 'This is command, go after them ofcourse!' 'Yes sir!' The troopers crawled in after them. 'Uh oh Domen, looks like we're gonna have company!' 'no matter, look! in this room are our lightsabers!' Domen blasted the grate and jumped down. There where some guards, but Domen force pulled his saber towards him and deflected all their blaster bolts. One of them lost his head, the other one his hand. 'What is the fastest way to the hangar bay? tell me and i'll let you live!' 'Trough this door and to the right! you can't miss it! ' 'Domen, let's go! the troopers are coming!' They ran trough the door, deflecting bolts as they went.
Then, they came to the hangar bay. Kyle saw a trandoshan enter a lamda-class shuttle.It was the one that almost blew up Domen and Geebo on Altyr. Kyle recognised him too.'Come on and fight!' he shouted. 'You think you can defeat me?'The trandoshan asked, while activating ared lightsaber. ' Yes i do! Domen, i want you to run for the claw and take off. I'll follow later.' 'But...' 'Do as i say, Domen! This is beyond your level of training! And may the force be with you.' Domen obeyed, although he didn't want to, and ran for the ship. Then he took off. 'Rogue squadron this is Domen Gann. There is a star destroyer on...' He looked at the nav computer. 'Coordinates 126.8, near Kessel. please come as fast as you can. Domen out.' 'Domen gann, this is Rogue squadron. We will be in position in ten minutes. Standby.' 'Copy that.' There were three TIE's on Domen's tail. He made a somersault and destroyed two of them. Then he saw the lamda class shuttle depart. 'I wonder who won the fight?' At that moment, a TIE cught him unaware. The raven's claw was hit. Domen was spinning towards Kessels surface.

Some minutes earlier, in the hangar bay. 'You'll never destroy me, jedi!' 'You wish!' Said Kyle, and their lightsabers clashed. And again. And again. Kyle saw the Raven's claw flying away.
'Good' He thought, 'glad to see Domen escaped.' As he and the Trandoshans bashed into eachothers lightsabers, Kyle was trying to concieve a plan. His opponent was far more powerful. He jumped over him, but the trandoshan blocked his strike and kicked Kyle to the ground. 'Another one to add to my list.' He said. He tried to stab Kyle, but he could roll aside just in time. Then he jumped against the trandoshans legs and grabbed them, causing him to fall. Kyle punched him in the face, but the trandoshan unseathed his claws and scratched him across the chest. 'It seems i underestimated you, jedi weakling!' Kyle could just find the strength to pull his lightsaber and throw it towards the trandoshan, who lost his arm and fell to the ground. Kyle stood over him for a while and then stumbled towards the shuttle.
'Let's see, how did this thing work again.' He managed to take off, but he needed almost all his strength to remain conscious. He had lost much blood. Then he saw the Raven's claw spinning towards Kessels surface. 'No!' He shot the TIE that hit Domen. Then Rogue squadron came out of hyperspace. 'Glad to have you here rogue squadron. I'm in the Lambda class, i need to drop by at your medical frigate.' 'Permission granted, go ahead Master Katarn.' Then, Imperial frigates appeared out of nowhere. There where dozens of them. Rogue squadron was surrounded.

Chapter 6: secret of the Sith.
Kyle opened the shuttle's hatch and walked trough it. Jan Ors was waiting for him. She was one of Kyle's closest friends. 'Kyle, you're hurt! We must get you to medical.' 'It's okay Jan. Just a flesh wound. Domen's in danger. I must save him.' Then he passed out. 'Don't worry Kyle. I'll make sure Domen is okay.'
The ship was falling apart. Everybody evacuated. Kyle was brought aboard a transport, while Jan left for Kessel in a fighter. The Republic was outnumbered at least 10 to 1, but rogue squadron had some of the best fighter pilots in the galaxy. Wedge Antilles, rogue squadron's leader, contacted Jan. 'Jan, where are you going? We must get out of here, now!' 'I'm sorry, but I promised Kyle i'd go get Domen out of there.' 'But Domen's a jedi! he'll be fine. You, on the other hand...' 'You can't talk me out of this wedge. And besides, it'll be easy. Just make sure everybody gets away unharmed.' 'Copy that. wedge out.'

Domen climbed out of the claw's wreckage. 'Kyle's gonna be mad at me.' he thought. 'Oh well, i can praise myself lucky that I crashed inside an atmosphere generator. Rotten planet.' Domen climbed a rock to oversee the area. He saw an Imperial prisoner compound next to a mining shaft. Both were heavily guarded. Behind the compound there was a landing pad with an Imperial shuttle. 'I wonder what the Imps are doing here. Kessel is a Republic planet. Guess this is the spot' I can still make this a succesful mission. ' Domen snook up to the complex. Only two guards were guarding the mine shaft. But it was enough. If Domen took out one of them, the other would alert the rest. Suddenly, an X-wing came flying over their heads. Then it made a u-turn and came back, this time fireing. The two guards, who stood unprotected, where killed. The rest was to busy with the X-wing to notice Domen sneaking towards the mineshaft. He stepped on the elevator, pushed the button and down he went.

Jan entered Kessels atmosphere. She saw smoke. 'That'll be the cash site. Wait a minute... a base.' She flew over the base and saw some Imperials. She turned around and fired at them. 'Take that, bucketheads!' She landed at the landing pad. All Imperials outside were dead. Jan opened the cockpit, grabbed herself a blaster and walked towards the mining shaft. 'wonder what's down here.' Then she heard a voice behind her. 'drop your weapon. you're under arrest.' Jan turned around wih her hands in the air. An Imperial officer was pointing a gun at her. Jan had dealt with this kind of situation hundreds of times. If you jumped them, they were mostly so surprised that their shots never hit. So that's excactly what she did. She jumped him, and the officer fired a shot in the air. It hit the shaft's elevator controls. Then the officer punched her back. she was now lying on the edge of the shaft. The officer went for his gun, but Jan got up in time to kick it out of his hands, right into the shaft. The officer jumped her and she fell into the shaft with a loud scream. the officer grabbed his comlink and reported back to base. 'Command, i found the intruder. she's dead.'
Domen wondered why the elevator stopped. He heard people fighting far above him, and assumed that had something to do with it. Then he heard someone screaming and looked up. Someone was falling down. Domen quickly began gathering energy, and then concentrated on the someone. Jan slowed as she came closer to the ground, and landed safely. 'Thanks a lot. You must be domen Gann?' 'That's me, who are you?' 'My name is Jan Ors, Kyle sent me after you.' 'Kyle! How is he? is he okay?' 'He'll do fine. In each case, i found you. Now let's find a way to get off this rock.' 'I'm afraid I can't. I have a mission to do.'

In outerspace, rogue squadron was still fighting a losing battle to help the frigates get away. Luke could sense it. A battle is always a great disturbance in the force, with so many people dying.
He immediatly rallied all the jedi together. 'Jedi, there is a great disturbance in the force. It is the battle of Kessel. We must help the Republic fleet, or they will be destroyed.' All the jedi started talking. But then one jedi said: 'How?' It was Jaden Korr. 'I mean, most of our fighters are already there. What can we do?' 'I have thought about that too,' Said Luke, 'and the best solution is to go to Coruscant with a transport, and get some fighters there.'

'General Antilles, we suffered heavy losses. I don't think we can hold out much longer!' 'But Jan's still down there! She'll never get away on her own! just a little longer.' 'I hope you know what you're doing general.' 'Yeah.' said Wedge. 'Me too.' Then, a squadron X-wings dropped out of hyperspace. 'Wedge, old friend, the jedi have come to help!' Said Luke.'More will follow once they get some ships as well.' Three X-wings aren't much, but they were piloted by jedi, and when the reinforcements arrived, the tide was turned. A couple of jedi landed on Kessel, including Luke, Jaden and Geebo.

In the meanwhile, in the elevator shaft... 'Are you sure this is a good idea?' Jan asked. 'I mean, you don't know how far we still are from the bottom.' 'Trust me.' Domen said, while he was cutting a hole in the floor with his lightsaber. They were lucky. it was only a few meters to the ground. They carefully dropped themselves. They saw a lot of stormtroopers. Suddenly, something drew the troopers' attention. They fired at something Domen and Jan couldn't see. Then, a few jedi appeared. 'Geebo!'
'Domen!' 'Hey old buddy! How did you get down here? I thought the fleet was retreating.' 'It was, but then we showed up and taught them not to mess with the Republic!' Then Luke said: 'Follow me, we must go this way!' and he walked trough a door. The jedi followed. 'I'll stay outside.' Jan Said. 'Last time i interfered with Sith business, i got in big trouble.' Domen couldn't believe his eyes. What was beyond the door was amazing. It was an entire Sith sanctuary. By the looks of it, it had already been there for ages. It was as high as a mountain, and at least twice as long. Then, the door closed. All jedi activated their lightsabers, except Luke. Behind them, three of Luke's clones appeared. 'Uh oh.' Geebo said. 'Don't worry. we still got them outnumbered with the real Luke. Right?' But then, the 'real' Luke activated a red lightsaber, along with the other clones. 'He was a clone all along! He tricked us into going here! Now we're gonna die!' Everywhere they looked, clones appeared, wielding lightsabers. They were quickly surrounded. Then, the trandoshan sith appeared, with a lightsaber in his one arm. 'Greetings, jedi. My name is Darth Rexus, new lord of the sith.'

'Man, i've been waiting here for ages.' Jan said. 'I wonder what's happening in there?' Then, someone appeared in front of her, but it was to dark for Jan to recognise him. 'Who's there?' she asked.
'It's me, Luke.' 'You're lying. Luke went inside. I bet you're a clone!' 'No, wait, i'm the real one!' Luke stepped out of the shadows. 'I was captured and replaced by a clone. These dark jedi are very powerful. They wanted to use me to make more clones since they didn't have my hand anymore. But I escaped, because my guard was an ordinary stormtrooper.' 'How do i know you're not lying to me?'
'Guess you'll just have to trust me.'

Darth Rexus contineud his story. 'With this army we will overthrow the new Republic. Nothing can withstand an army of dark jedi. But they are only clones. Not as strong as a real living force user. So i am giving you this opportunity to become my apprentices. What do you say?' 'Never!' was Jaden's answer. 'What have you done with the real luke?' 'I'm getting impatient. what is your answer?' 'I'll do it.' Geebo said. 'Traitor! You'll die for this!' 'I think it's you who are about o die, Domen.'
Geebo slowly walked towards Rexus. 'Yes, embrace the power of the dark side.' Then, Geebo activated his saber and stabbed it trough Rexus. 'Clones.... Get... Him!' Then he threw his saber towards one of the pillars that was supporting the roof. 'Run, idiots!' he yelled to the jedi. One of the clones stabbed Geebo, but it was too late. The roof came down, crushing the clones. The jedi ran for the door. The clones didn't pay much attention to them. But the door s were locked...

'Luke, sounds like they need our help in there!' Jan said, and luke pulled out his saber and cut open the door. 'Thanks!' Jaden said, but Domen was quiet. He couldn't believe that his best friend just got killed.

04-06-2004, 12:12 PM
W... (Starts to cry) Wh.. (Crys even more ) Wha. (Cry alot) ) What a tragady (Bursts out with tears):( ;) (LOL)
One thing Kessel is not controlled by the Republic it is a Imp planet.

04-06-2004, 01:37 PM
Well this is set quite some time after episode 4, the New republic now has the upper hand so i figured they had qonquered Kessel. But since it's an outer rim planet they didn't pay much attention to it and that's why the imps could establish a base anyway.

... (Starts to cry) Wh.. (Crys even more ) Wha. (Cry alot) ) What a tragady (Bursts out with tears) (LOL)
I take that was sarcastic? Poor Geebo... :( It feels kinda lame how i killed him off.

Well, back on the story:
chapter 7: New threat.
The battle was over, but the war had just begun. The sith holocron was still missing, the enemy cloning facility also hadn't been found and who knows how much of these invisible ships there could still be. Still, Geebo's sacrifice wasn't for nothing. Most of the clones had been destroyed, and the sith temple as well. But Domen would rather have it that he had died instead of Geebo. He was furious. Angry at the sith. Angry at himself for not being able to save him. Anger welled inside of him, until he couldn't take it anymore. He wanted revenge. He walked out of his room, towards the academy's hangar. One of the jedi student's passed. 'Domen,' He said, 'I sense much anger in you. What's your problem?' 'None of your business.' 'Remember your training Domen. Strength and discipline. Anger leads to the dark side.' 'I don't care.' 'Domen, don't go!' the jedi said, and he blocked the way to the hangar. 'Let me pass!' 'No, you must let go of your anger before it destroys you.' 'I said, let me pass!' Domen raised his hand towards the jedi. He began to have trouble breathing. 'Domen... don't... do it!' Then, the jedi lost his consciousness. Domen walked trough the door to the hangar. He stole an X-wing and flew off.

In the meanwhile, Jedi where sent to investigate anything that
might have something to do with the sith.

04-06-2004, 03:07 PM
Now that is good.

Keep going, this thing is getting interesting by the minute.
Just add some more organisation. The story seems plain, straight boring at the first glance.

Tip: Try and imitate your favourite Author. I tried that for my fanfic.

04-07-2004, 02:23 AM
I take that was sarcastic? [/B][/QUOTE] Yep.:D

04-07-2004, 01:11 PM
Thanks guys! I'll try that one sabretooth. And yeah, organisation never was my best point. But it's a complicated story, so that's why it looks unorganised.

Anyway: Some strange things have been happening on Tatooine.
People have gone missing, and Jaden Korr and Rosh Penin have been sent to investigate. They landed in the town of Mos Espa. It was almost abandoned after the podraces were forbidden, but this was where the most dissapearings took place. Jaden walked up to the closest cantina. He'd be sure to find out something there. Rosh would investigate some of the locations where people disappeared. If they found something, they would let eachother know trough comlink. Jaden walked up to the bar. 'Rubty Bliels, if you have it.' 'All we got is Juri juice.' 'I'll take that then. I'm here on an assiignment for the New Republic.' 'You're here about the dissappearances aren't you? Well let me give you a tip: Don't let anyone know you're a jedi.'

04-07-2004, 04:08 PM
Cool story (I liked your first six chapters best) .

04-08-2004, 04:02 PM
While Jaden was in the bar, Rosh was trying to find something out on the streets. Suddenly, someone pulled him into an alley.
Rosh was surprised. 'You're a jedi, right?' 'So what if i am?' 'You got to help me. The dissappearings- It's me they're after!' 'Ho there, calm down! what is it?' 'They are randomly killing people to find me. I'm a clawdite you see. I'm stuck on this planet. Help me, and i will help you.' 'Who are 'they'?' 'People i used to work for. Got something to do with the remnant.' 'Alright. I will help you. An enemy of the empire is our friend. Let's go.'
Someone approached jaden. 'Did you say you are a jedi?' Jaden's hand went to his lightsaber. 'Maybe.' 'Because if that be the case, me and my friends have something for you.' The guy pulled a blaster but jaden was quicker. His hand lay smoking on the floor. Then, three other guys grabbed their blasters and fired at Jaden. Jaden could easily deflect it. Then, someone jumped him from behind. 'Gotcha, jedi!' That was the last he could say before Rosh' Lightsaber stuck in his back. 'Rosh, i've never been so glad to see you!' 'Let's take care of them first, shall we?' Rosh force-jumped towards the gang and sliced one's arm of, another got slashed across the chest and the last one got force-pushed against the wall by Jaden. 'Who do you work for?' Jaden asked him. 'I won't tell. They'll kill me.' 'I'll kill you if you don't.'

04-08-2004, 04:04 PM
Cool (Doomgiver check out my Fanfic)

04-09-2004, 11:48 AM
'Alright.' The gangster said. 'I used to work for someone, i don't know his name, but he's high up in the Imperial remnant.' 'Hmmm... Well, you'll be working for the new republic now, won't you?' 'What if i refuse?' 'Then you won't be able to work at all.' After that, Jaden, Rosh and their new companion went back to Yavin 4. 'So, now you better start telling us stuff.' Jaden said to him. 'What's your name?' 'Ack batall.' 'Why are they killing everyone? Don't they know how you look?' 'Well, actually...' He turned into a clawdite. 'I see. And why are they after you now?' 'Because i didn't want to have anything to do with them anymore.' 'Makes sense.' Then rosh called jaden. 'Jaden! Come here, will ya?' Jaden walked to the cockpit. 'Here I am. Why did we drop out of Hyperspace?' Jaden asked. 'Because we received a transmission. A Cargo vessel is under attack by pirates. But they're imperial. What should we do?' 'We should help them. It's our job as a jedi.' Rosh plotted a course and moments later, they saw the ship, as well as the pirate frigate. The merchants called again. 'To the small freighter coming at us. We require your assistance. The pirates are attempting to steal a valuable artifact. You must help us! Aargh!' 'He's shot.' Rosh said. 'Why would pirates be interested in artifacts? Guess we better have a look.' Rosh steered the vessel trough dozens of lasers and finally reached the hangar. He shot the few pirates standing guard and put the ship down. 'stay here.' Rosh said against their passanger. Then they walked trough the door. 'but what if they come here?' 'They won't. Trust me.' The hallway was dark, all lights were out and gravity was disabled. They had to 'swim' their way trough dozens of floating bodies. The elevator was broken, but they didn't need one. At last they reached the bridge. A couple of pirates was standing around a locker, trying to open it. Jaden took them by surprise and used the force to make them believe they were each others enemies. Then, the locker opened. Someone was inside. He was injured.'Thank god you arrived. Let me introduce myself: I am Loctar Nogal, captain of this vessel. We were shipping important things trough this sector when suddenly we dropped out of hyperspace. Then the pirates attacked us to steal an important artifact. We did what we could, but we're not fighters.' 'That's alright. Where's the artifact?' 'I have it with me, here.' He handed over a small box. 'Will you make sure it arrives on it's destination?'
'Don't worry,' Jaden said, 'It won't fall into the wrong hands.' Then, more pirates entered and shot the captain. Jaden and rosh quickly pulled their lightsabers and jumped into the elevator shaft, all the while deflecting blaster bolts as they floated down.
They ran for the ship and took off, but they were hit by the pirates. They quickly entered hyperspace. 'We must get this thing to the new Republic. If it's important for the Remnant, it's important for us.' 'I agree with you,' Ack said, 'But the hyperdrive is leaking. Luckily, i know a good spot to have it fixed. It's nearby.'
Ack gave them the coordinates and they went towards it. 'Okay, we're there. Doesn't seem to be much out here. You sure this is the right place?' 'It is. Just believe me.' 'Okay, but there aren't any planets around here. Where is your 'good spot?' 'It should be here!' Then, a tractor beam locked on them. 'Pirates!' Rosh said. 'Or worse.' It was worse. They were being beamed aboard by an Imperial star destroyer...

Chapter 8: Darth Domen.
Domen was still flying around, looking for revenge. Unfortunatly for him, there were little sith lords around. It seemed a good idea to go to Korriban, because it was an ancient sith planet and the best spot to go if you want to meet sith. At least, that's what Domen hoped. He landed in the valley of the lords. He sensed great evil nearby, but he wasn't sure idf it was from the tombs or a sith. He entered a tomb were his feeling was the strongest. He peeked around a corner and saw a stormtrooper. 'Good.' He thought. 'I'm on the right track.' He force-gripped the stormtrooper, who suffocated, and went deeper into the tomb. There, he saw more people standing around a coffin. He could sense there was a sith among them. Maybe two. He activated his lightsaber, but someone force-pulled it out of his hand. 'I sense great power in you, my apprentice.' 'I'm not your apprentice!' Domen said. 'I'm here to kill you all!' A stormtrooper raised his gun, but the sith lord signaled him to hold his fire. 'Be realistic. You can never kill us all. You are unarmed. Practically untrained. And blinded by hatred. You must learn to control your power, and i can learn you this. I sense you have much potential.' 'Your filthy tricks won't work on me, sith! It's all your fault Geebo died and you will pay for it!' 'Think. Who really got your friend killed. Was it not the jedi who sent him to us? Was it not the jedi that made him sacrifice himself? We didn't kill him. He did it himself, because of the jedi. Join me, and we will rid the galaxy of them forever!' 'But master,' Someone asked who was standing next to him, 'I thought i was your apprentice? ' The sith force-pulled his apprentices lightsaber and threw it towards Domen. He struck down the apprentice. 'Well done, my apprentice. Your journey to the dark side is complete.'

04-10-2004, 07:25 PM
Jaden and Rosh's ship was in the star destroyer's hangar bay, surrounded by stormtroopers. The door was open, and Rosh and jaden hid around the corners. Blaster bolts came flying in non-stop. Jaden looked at Rosh and nodded his head. Rosh understood it. They activated their lightsabers and jumped outside. They blocked a couple of bolts and hid behind some crates. But just as they prepared for a frontal attack, rosh was hit by a stun beam. 'What the...' Jaden said. 'That one didn't come from the troopers.' He looked around and saw Ack standing over him with an E-11 Stormtrooper rifle. Next thing he knew, he was unconscious. 'Well done.' The commander said. 'I did it to avenge my father.' Ack said. 'He was killed by Luke skywalker on Coruscant. So, when can i expect my payment?' 'Right away. Lord Ragnos said there would be someone to pay you in the cargo bay.' then, Ack walked trough the door, while stormtroopers carried Jaden and Rosh to the cellblock.

'Ugh... Where are we?' Rosh asked, but then he realized Jaden was still stunned. He was in a small room, and the only door couldn't be opened from his side. He was in a cell. Then, he heard a voice. 'i see you are finally awake.' The voice came from a hand-held comlink on the floor. Rosh picked it up and asked: 'Yeah. Who are you?' 'I guess i won't tell you for now.' 'Gee, what a surprise. What do you want from us?' 'You'll see. I am willing to let you escape, on one condition.' 'Being...' 'Come here and find out.' Then, the cell door opened. Jaden woke up. 'Jaden, i'm gald you're awake. Look, the door's open!' Rosh peeked around the corner. No guards. They both ran to the end of the hall and took the elevator. Still no guards. 'Strange...' Jaden said. 'looks like lady luck is finally on our side.' They went trough a long corridor. All doors were locked but one, at the end of the corridor. it lead to an elevator, wich brought Jaden and Rosh to a dark room. 'I have a bad feeling about this.' Jaden said. 'Hey look Jaden!' Rosh said. 'Our sabers!' Jaden caught the saber Rosh threw at him and activated it. In the yellow light that it emitted, he saw Ack. At least, he saw Ack's body on the ground. 'I have a really bad feeling about this.' Now rosh also activated his saber. Then, the elevator cam down again and someone came out. 'Greetings.' He said. 'Hey, you're the guy that talked with me trough comlink!' Rosh said, because he recognised his voice. 'Indeed. I am Darth Ragnos, named after the legendary sith lord Marka Ragnos.' 'Ya know, Ragnos wasn't that tough.' Jaden said. He once fought Ragnos' spirit on Korriban. 'Please tell me you're not one of those cultist freaks again.' 'No, i am not. I am the most powrful sith lord of all time!' 'I'm shocked and amazed. You're not the first one, you know.' 'Hmph. I am here to offer you your freedom, but, as i said, on one condition: You will fight to the death, the winner can leave.' 'What? You think you can turn us to the dark side that easy? We can see trough your little trick.' 'A pity. Then die, fools.' Rosh tried to jump him, but somone else's lightsaber blocked him. 'What the...' Domen was standing in front of them, but he had clearly changed. He wore a long black cloak, his face was covered with red tattoo's and he was wielding a red lightsaber. 'Domen. Traitor!' Rosh attacked Domen, but he hardly even moved. He parried even his fastest blows. Then, he force-pushed Rosh against the wall. 'You don't know the power of the dark side. It will be your doom.' Domen said. 'Well infact, i do know it. Been there, done that.' Then they jumped at eachother, but this time, Rosh got help from Jaden. It was a heavy fight, but then Domen kicked Jaden and cut off Rosh's right hand. 'aw, not again!' Rosh picked up his lightsaber again with his left hand and then dodged Domen's lightsaber throw. Jaden re-entered the fray just in time, because rosh was thrown backwarts by acrate that Domen sent flying towards him. 'He... He's too strong for us!'Rosh said. 'I know. any suggestions?' 'Yeah. Cover me.' Rosh wasn't as strong as usual now because he missed his right hand (that got severed for the second time), but he used to be a dark jedi for a while, working for the Remnant. Thus, he knew the general outlay of a star destroyer. Above them should be the hangar bay. He jumped a pile of crates and started cutting a hole in the ceiling. Jaden had to doge and parry Domen's blows while trying to keep him away from Rosh. 'I'm trough!' Rosh said, and he jumped out. There were many stormtroopers, but luckily, Rosh was a trained jedi and blocked most of the shots. then he quickly entered the ship and prepared to leave. Jaden entered and closed the doors. 'Launch, before they break open the doors!' Accompanied by dozens of blaster bolts, their small freighter lift off and entered hyperspace, en route to Yavin 4.

04-11-2004, 10:53 AM
chapter 9: Shocking discoveries.
Rosh and Jaden got back to the academy without further trouble.
They brought the small box to Luke and opened it. Inside, there was a small statue, with a crystal orb on it. It was the sith holocron. 'Great work, Jaden, Rosh.' Luke said. 'Now that we have the enemy's most important weapon, we are one step closer to victory.' Luke activated it, but it didn't show much. 'Hmmm... Looks like they fooled around with it. We'll need a professional hacker for this.' 'I think i can help.' Kyle said. 'I know some people on Nar shaddaa who could get the job done.'
'Wait, master Kata... i mean Kyle. There's more. We saw Domen. Domen Gann. He turned to the dark side, and he's very powerful.'
'Well, we'll do something about that later. Right now, i'll go get this thing cracked.' 'Alright. I'll get the academy ready for the arrival of the new students.' It has been a year since Domen came to the academy, and a new load of students form across the galaxy would soon arrive, eager to learn the ways of the force. At least, that's what Luke hoped for.

Taris, Coruscant's Outer rim counterpart. The gigantic city was build upon the remains of the old Taris, after the entire planet was laid to waste by Darth Malak, 4000 years before the repulbic.
Now, it was a base of operations of the Imperial remnant. In the lower levels, two people were talking. One was a Bothan spy, the other one an Imperial officer. 'Are you sure about it?' The Bothan asked. 'Completely.' The officer replied. 'Uh oh! Quick! they're coming!.' The Bothan and the officer each ran away in different directions, but the Bothan was soon found. 'Well Well.' Domen said. 'Look what i found.' 'Go ahead. Kill me. There are others.'
'Oh, i certainly will. But first you will tell me... What others?' 'I won't say anything.' Domen gripped the bothan and held him above the deep precipice 'Will you talk now?' The bothan said nothing. 'Then die.' Domen let go and the Bothan rushed to his death. The officer had seen everything. 'Looks like i'll have to deliver the info myself.' He said. He ran for the hangar, but it was guarded by stormtroopers, and they didn't let him pass. 'Sorry sir. Orders from lord Domen himself.' The officer quickly grabbed the troopers arm and pushed him over the edge. The other troopers shot at him, but he made it to a TIE fighter with only a few scratches and took off. Once in space, he saw a star destroyer. He figured out that they would follow him, and took the precaution of taking the way around. He plotted a way to Kashyyk, a Republic planet, and engaged the hyperdrive.

Kyle arrived on Nar shaddaa. He made an appointment to meet someone who could take him to Moska the hutt. Moska should have some people that could lend him a hand with the holocron.
He entered the bar and looked around. His contact was a blue Twi'lek girl. There she was. Kyle walked up to her table and said: 'There is no death.' The girl replied: 'There is the Force. Noce password. Welcome jedi. So, you want to meet Moska?' 'Yeah. When woulld be a good time?' 'Not so fast. Here, have a drink.' She pushed a glass to him. 'What is it?' Kyle asked.
'Try it.' Kyle brought the glass to his mouth and drank. then, the world started spinning and then everything turned black. He had been tricked. 'Take him to the boss.' The Twi'lek said to the rodians sitting next to them, who immediatly followed her orders.

Only one new student arrived at the academy. People were scared of being a jedi with the war going on. But this guy showed great potential, although he was a bit old to start the training. 'Your name is?' Luke asked him. 'Gander.' He said. 'Alright, Gander. You must know that it won't be easy to become a jedi knight. Though you possess great potential for a human, things will still be difficult. Being a jedi is not only about fighting. You must use your knowledge and your mastery of the force first. That is why you will only get your saber after a few months of training.' 'I understand, master Skywalker.' And Gander began his training.

Kyle woke up in a cell. He wanted to cut open the door, but realized his saber was gone. 'This is starting to get annoying.' He said. He kicked against the door, wich opened. 'Ah, i see you finally woke up.' A rodian said in huttese. Luckily, Kyle could understand him and answered: 'yeah. Why was i thrown in a cell?'
'Moska didn't want to take any risks. You may not know the location of our secret hideout, and it gave us a chance to disarm you. Hutts aren't very fond of jedi, you see.' 'I see. Now can i see Moska?' 'Follow me.' Kyle entered the throne room. He saw Jan, in a dancer's outfit. That was part of their plan. Kyle had expected they would take away his weapons, So Jan would smuggle in a blaster. Kyle looked around. The room was filled with bounty hunters and other scum, waiting for a job. Then, the protocol droid next to Moska spoke. 'Greetings, visitor. Why do you visit the great exalted Moska?' 'Because i want to offer him a deal. I have something that contains valuable information for the new Republic, only it's encoded. I wish to hire a hacker. I can pay you generously.' Moska answered in huttese, and the protocol droid translated: 'The wonderful Moska does not agree. He has enough money. Instead he needs a job done, but all bounty hunters he sent on the job did not return. Finish the job, and the deal is on.' Kyle nodded to Jan. Jan understood. She prepared herself. 'And what might this job be?' Kyle asked. Again, the protocol droid translated Moska's words. 'The magnificent Moska needs you to get a small box that was stolen from him a while ago. His men have discovered the location, but no way in. None have returned from there, but it should be an easy job for a jedi like yourself.' 'Right.' Kyle stretched his hand towards Jan, who throwed the blaster. Kyle pointed it at Moska. 'I think you'll agree with my deal.' But then, Moska pushed a hidden button on his throne, and Jan fell trough a hatch in the floor. 'Jan!' 'Don't worry, jedi.' Moska said. 'She'll be alright as long as i don't push the other button. You have thirty days. If you haven't returned by then, i push it anyway. I suggest you leave now.' Kyle lowered his blaster. 'Alright. Show me the spot.' A rodian ordered Kyle to follow him and they walked out of the throne room.

04-12-2004, 09:33 AM
chapter 10: Betrayal.
The imperial officer reached Kashyyyk in his TIE fighter. 'Hello wookiee control station, this is Cloak, permission to land?' A few grunts and growls followed. 'Okay, here i come.' But then, he was hit by a laser blast and his TIE got into a spin. 'What the... Where did that blast come from?' He looked behind him, but he couldn't see anything. As he was speeding towards the surface, he looked for a safe place to land. If he was lucky, he could steer his TIE just a little to the left or the right. He saw a lake. He steered towards it and with an enormous splash, the TIE crashed into it. He quickly opened the hatch and swam towards the surface. He saw the TIE explode at the bottom. Then, he swam to dry land. He knew that if he didn't reach a wookiee village soon, he'd be dead meat. He was an easy prey for the numerous predators that stalk Kashyyyk's vast jungles. He walked deeper and deeper into the forest, hoping that a patrol would find him.

Kyle flew towards the spot. Tatooine. The most wretched hive of scum and villainy. Shouldn't be too hard. He saw someone waving at him in the Dune Sea, and landed there. 'are you the new guy Moska sent us?' He asked. 'That's me. Where's the place?' 'It's a hidden spot. Look.' The man dug a hole in the sand and opened a panel that was apparently underneath it. Then he pushed something and the ground next to Kyle opened. An elevator came up. 'Impressive...' Kyle said. 'Here.' the man said, while he gave him a Det pack. 'You're gonna need it.' 'Thanks.' Kyle pushed the button again with his foot and the elevator went down, with him on it.
From the inside, the base looked a lot like a hutt's palace. Kyle's guess was that Moska's enemy was also a hutt. That made Kyle's job easier. Stormtroopers were the best soldiers in the galaxy, and they were easy for him. A bunch of mercenaries and other low-life scum shouldn't pose a problem. Kyle activated his lightsaber and opened the door in front of him. Apparently, he walked into a bar. Noone seemed worried, except one: Someone quickly walked away when he saw Kyle. Kyle used the force to speed up and grabbed him. Still, noone looked around. He put his saber against the guy's neck. 'aaah.. Don't hurt me. I was only following orders!' 'I won't hurt you, but my saber will if you don't tell me what i want to know.' 'Alright... But what do you want to know?' Kyle backed out of the door, and whispered: 'Something has been stolen from Moska the hutt, and he wants it back. You happen to know where it is?' 'Yes, take that elevator down.' He said, while pointing at a large door. 'Good. Anything i should be aware of?' 'there are three guards and a turret in each corner.' 'And why don't they shoot at the guards?' 'Because of the chip in their helmet. It signals the turrets not to shoot at them.' 'Good.' Kyle moved away his lightsaber, knocked out the guy because he might raise the alarm if he let him go and took the elevator down.
The elevator door opened, but there was noone inside. 'hey,' A guard said, 'that's strange. I'll go over and look.' He entered the elevator and he gor slashed across the chest by Kyle, who was standing around the corner. He quicle force-pulled the merc's helmet and put it on his own head. Then he entered the room, all the while deflecting blaster bolts, and killed the other two. 'It's good being a jedi.' Moska had told him the object he wanted was probably no longer in the box, and that it looked like a droid's head. Kyle looked around the room, and there it was, in a glass cage. Kyle broke the glass and took it out. 'Hmmm... this looks familiar.' It was. It was the head of 8T-88, a droid that had stored the location of the valley of the jedi. He gave Kyle quite some trouble by helping Jerec's band of Dark jedi. 'Now, this thing could only be so important for Moska if he knew what it contained.' Kyle realized. 'I'll have to find a replacement. I bet ther's one around here.' and Kyle started searching...

On kashyyyk, a patrol did find the officer, and captured him. He was still in uniform afterall, and he had a hard time convincing them he was really Cloak, an infamous rebel spy.

04-16-2004, 02:19 PM
The wookiees were suspicious about him, and contacted the republic. They said they lost contact with an undercover spy codenamed 'Cloak.' However, nobody ever saw his face, so Cloak couldn't proof that he was indeed him. The wookiees called for a prison ship and cloak was detained.

[edit:] Curse it! Writers block. Ideas anyone?

04-18-2004, 07:00 PM
In the meanwhile, Kyle had 'found' the replacement for 8T88's head. Or actually, he went down a few floors and chopped an accountant droid into pieces. Then he made his way out without too much trouble (everyone was already dead or afraid to attack him) and moments later, he found himself back in Moska's throne room. 'I've held up my end of the bargain, now release her.' He said. 'Give me the item first!' Moska answered in huttese. Kyle threw him a small box wich contained the fake droid's head. Moska opened it and looked at the head. 'Hmmmm.... okay. Hmph. Let her go.' Kyle heard a door opening and a few moments later, Jan entered the room, still in dancers outfit. She was clearly tired, but she as unharmed. Then, moska lent them a droid capable of deciphering the Sith holocron.
Kyle thought it would be best to keep it after Moska found out that he was deceived. He left the throne room with a grin on his face.

Kyle was just telling Luke about 8T88's head and how he feared there could be a connection between Moska and the New Sith order, when a prison ship landed outside. When the door opened, a rebel soldier walked out. 'I must speak with Master Skywalker!' he said. 'where is he?' Another soldier escorted him to Luke's meditation chamber. When the other soldier left, he started talking. 'Master Skywalker, i have discovered very important matters on Taris. The new Sith order has a cloning facility there!' 'Calm down!' Luke said. 'First of all, how do we now you're not an imperial? We've had quite some traitors and spies among us these days.' 'Well, i am a spy, but i'm on your side. My codename is Cloak, and i worked undercover until recently.' 'Why?'
'well, my contact was shot down, so i had to deliver the info myself. But i was captured because i was still wearing my imperial uniform, so i had to take over the prison ship. Don't worry, the guards are still alive.' 'Hmmm. I'll relay this information to Mon Mothma.'

05-14-2004, 03:51 PM
Alright, the guy that said my story sucked should at least be brave enough to 'interupt' my thread. 'interupt' becasue i haven't posted in a long while. Also, i know there are a few plot holes and stuff, but you gotta keep in mind that i'm making this up as i go...

Domen was walking around the throne room in rage. The droid head Moska showed him only contained useless information. 'You get one last chance, Moska. I need the valley of the jedi.' 'If you're so mighty, why don't you get it yourself?' 'you seem to forget that strong force presences are easily detected by jedi. You don't think you'd still live if i didn't need you and your men?' Then, Domen exited the room, killing a guard standing in his path on the way out.

The Rebel fleet arrived at Taris. Each cruiser was commanded by a jedi. Luke commanded the flagship, the Rebel Pride. It was from the time of the rebellion, but it was still one of the best ships in the fleet. Suddenly, they were fired upon out of nowhere.
'It's the invisible fleet!' Luke said. 'It appears it's still larger than we thought!'
All fighters engaged, but without knowing where to shoot at, most of them failed misirably and where taken down. The invisible fighters were only briefly visible when they fired. Only the jedi could gun 'em down. Luke gave orders to jump to hyperspace as soon as he and his team landed on the surface of Taris. Then, he and a few other jedi launched their X-wings and went for Taris. They managed to avoid all fire, and they landed safely. The republic fleet withdrawed. Cloak was with the jedi. He showed them the location of the cloning facility. 'good, ' Luke said to him. 'I think you best stay here now. It's probably crawling with dark jedi in there.' Then the jedi strike team entered the facility. They walked trough a long, dark corridor until they reached an elevator shaft. They went down. As soon as the doors opened, they heard a voice. 'Greetings, master Luke.' It was Domen. All the jedi engaged their sabers, except for Luke and Domen. 'Domen. Wat you are doing is wrong.' 'No, Luke.' Domen replied. 'I was doing the wrong thing all along. Untill i was set free. The New Sith order showed me the light.' 'No, Domen. They are using you. Return to the Light side. The dark side is tempting, i know, but it will consume you in the end.' 'That's only true for weak fools! I am the most powerful Sith ever to exist. I will live forever. Just as the galaxy will obey me forever. All i need now is the valley of the jedi. Then i will be unstoppable.' 'Not if we can help it.' Luke engaged his lightsaber, but with help of the force, Domen was so quick he slew two of the jedi accompanying Luke. Luke did the same, and they fought so fast, all that the other Jedi could do is watch as went across the room. But Luke was just a little better. When their sabers clashed, Luke managed to fling Domen's lightsaber out of his hand, disarming him. 'You haven't seen the last of me yet, Jedi.' Then Domen force-pushed the elevator doors to smithereens and, again with help of the force, ran up across the wall. When luke and the others cought up with him, they could just see his ship fly away and cloak. They lost him. They checked the base's datababks for the cloaking technology, but everything had been erased.

05-19-2004, 03:34 PM
chapter 11: troubled past
Luke returned to the Academy. It was already late in the evening. He walked o the door, but it wouldn't open. It was badly damaged. 'Master Skywalker! What is wrong?' 'The door has been damaged by something... And... I sense... A disturbance... In the force... This is bad.' He Force-jumped to the meditation chamber trough a window. The lights were broken, but he could just see bodies in the light of the moons. Dead bodies. He recognized many of them. 'Oh no.' He quickly ran out the door, seearched everywhere, the sleeping rooms, all the hallways, the control room... Nothing. Only more dead bodies. He ended his search in the Hangar. The other jedi, including Jaden Korr, entered. 'What's happened here?' Jaden asked. 'I'm not sure. Yet. But we're going to find out. Jaden, there are some ships missing from the hangar. Go and see if you can find their flight plans around here somewhere. The others, keep looking. I will meditate on this.' And he walked back towards the blood-filled throne room...

Domen was standing in the middle of a room. His opponent entered. They both engaged their sabers, but Domen was quicker: He decapitated him with a single blow. The head rolled across the floor. Domen picked it up, and stared straight into his own eyes. Then, Geebo entered the room. 'Are you sure you made the right choice?' He asked. 'Go away!' Domen said. 'You cannot forget about me Domen. No matter how hard you try. And that is why you cannot truly turn to the dark side.' 'I don't... I don't believe you!' Domen said. Anger was coursing trough his veins. He struck down Geebo in cold blood. Then, more Geebo's appeared from all around the room. 'You cannot forget us! No matter how hard you try!' Soon, he was surrounded. Then he heard Luke's voice, from his speach in the meditation chamber the first day he arrived at the academy. 'The road to becoming a jedi knight has many obstacles, and is not without danger. Therefore, a jedi must possess great discipline. Otherwise, you may easily fall to the dark side.' Then he could hear Kyle: 'You have failed, Domen. I thought you could do better. But you couldn't even protect Geebo...'
Domen woke up. An officer was standing beside his bed. 'Sir? Is there something wrong? You were talking in your sleep.' 'No. Nothing. Only memories from a past that no longer exists, from a person that no longer exists. Why have you woke me up?' 'Sir, the strike team you sent to Yavin has returned.' 'Good, tell them to meet me at my office. I wish to debrief them on the mission.'

Wow, that was a lot longer than i thought. I really evolved as a writer, if i may say so myself.

05-20-2004, 08:42 AM
Domen sat in his office. His chair was turned to the window, looking out on the Taris streets. He was thinking about his dream. Then, the door opened. A Woman in black clothes entered. Her face was covered in tattoos. 'you requested to see me, my lord?' Domen turned his chair around, so that it faced the table. 'Yes. How did the mission go?' 'We completely surprised those Jedi weaklings. It was a good idea to have our fleet stand ready around Yavin, waiting untill Skywalker left.' 'Ha! I had foreseen it.' He was silent for a while. Then he continued: 'Have you got the droids head?' 'No, my master. Skywalker must've hidden it well. Maybe destroyed it. But we have a prisoner that could tell us a lot about it.' 'Oh? Bring him in.' The doors opened again, when two stormtroopers brought in the prisoner: Kyle Katarn. 'Katarn... You did well, Agia.' He said to the woman. 'You may go now. I will interrogate him myself.'

'Master! Master Skywalker!' Jaden rushed into the meditation chamber. 'What is it, Jaden?' 'Master Skywalker, we have found Rosh Penin. Appearantly, he managed to escape into the swamp. He's been out there for three days, and he has some severe lightsaber wounds.' 'Where is he now? Perhaps he could tell us more about what happened.' 'We had to put him in a bacta tank. He probably won't be able to tell us anything for another three days.' Luke nodded and Jaden left again. Luke knew why the academy was attacked. That was why he had hidden 8T88's head somewhere else, in Yoda's old hut on dagobah. There, nobody would be able to find it. He just couldn't understand how the Sith managed to create a force big or powerfull enough to do this to the academy... Whoever did this, must've been very powerful with the force. There had been enough jedi to battle an army of Stormtroopers and win...

05-20-2004, 03:24 PM
Kyle's resistance to the mind probe was extraordinary, even though Kyle had the power of the Valley of the Jedi. But Domen tried a different approach. he read in the sith holocron about a force-technique that can extract information from someone's mind. Only few people were known to be able to use it, like Jerec, the dark jedi defeated by Kyle. But Domen was powerful. He had practiced on some officers, and later some of the New Sith, and now he confidently walked towards cell bay.
'What pleasant surprise have you got in mind for me this time, Domen?' Kyle asked. 'More force-lightning? More mindprobes? More torturing? Give up. I'll never give up the information.' 'Not willingly atleast.' Domen answered. Then, Kyle felt a strange feeling, as if something entered his head. He tried to resist it, but it continued. Domen smiled. It was working. Soon, he'd truly be the most powerful being that ever existed. 'Dagobah? The map is hidden on Dagobah? Good. Now, Katarn, you will die.' Domen engaged his lightsaber and moved it towards Kyle, but then it stopped. Kyle was using the force to hold it back. 'You're forgetting,' Kyle said, 'That i already have the power of the Valley of the Jedi.' Then he pushed back Domen's lightsaber, wich hit his face, and ran out of the hallway. He Force-pulled all the guards on the ground and took their guns. Then he exited and went for the hangar...

At the Jedi academy, more survivors where found, including Gander, the newest student. The moment he returned to the Massassi temple, he ran to Luke. 'Master Skywalker! I know why the academy was attacked! They were looking for something! and they took Master Katarn as a prisoner!' 'Kyle...' Luke replied 'Now i am sure of it. They know of the droids head. Maybe Kyle hasn't given them the information yet, but we'd better be safe than sure. I will assemble a strike team to go with me to Dagobah.' 'But, Master Skywalker.' Gander said, 'Domen will surely be there. I heard he is very powerful. You are the only one that can take him on, why waste the lifes of others?' 'I understand you conern, concidering what happened to the academy, but i cannot go alone. It would be too dangerous, even for me.' 'Then i will volunteer myself!' 'Alright. I'll notify you when we can leave.'

05-21-2004, 05:47 AM
Gander and Luke arrived on Dagobah. 'Here it is.' Luke said. 'Yoda's old hut. Let's go inside.' 'I'll guard the exit in case the sith already arrived.' Gander said. Luke entered the hut, and Gander pulled out his Datapad. 'Master, i know were the head is.' He said. 'On Dagobah.' 'I know.' Domen replied. 'Make sure it stays there untill i arrive.' 'Yes, milord.' Then, Gander walked up to the hut, and used the force to smash down an entire tree, trapping Luke inside the hut...

Back at the academy, Rosh finally recovered from his wounds. He told the remaining jedi that the attackers were Dark Jedi, maybe even from the New Sith order, and that they were clearly searching for something. 'If it really is the New Sith order,' Jaden said, 'Then there are much more then we expected. They probably used the invisible fleet in order to strike when Luke was away. So there also must be many invisible ships out there aswell...' 'But the good new is that they didn't find what they were looking for.' Rosh said. 'Not yet, anyway. It probably was the Sith holocron. I took it with me when i fled into the swamps and hid it there. Come, i'll show you.' And they walked out of the temple...

Domen arrived on Dagobah. Exept for the red tattoos, he now also had a scar on his face, from his forehead, across his right eye, to his chin. It made him blind, but he still had the force. And the dark side of the force was raging inside him more than ever. He put his ship down on Dagobah. 'Master! Your face!' Gander said. 'I know. Where is it?' 'Inside that hut, Milord. But Skywalker is still inside.' At that moment, the tree was pushed towards Gander and Domen with incredible speed. Domen dodged it with a force jump, but Gander was hit by the tree and was knocked on the ground. Dead. In the hut's doorway stood Luke, with his saber engaged. 'Domen. I should've figured.' 'Ha! You think you can stop me? Think again! Soon, my master and I will rule the galaxy.' 'I thought you were the master.' 'No. My master will appear again when he feels I have the power of the Valley of the Jedi.' 'Not if i can help it!' Their sabers clashed, and even though Domen was now blind, he was still a formidable opponent. Untill Luke got help. Kyle jumped out of a tree. 'Glad you showed up Kyle!' Luke said. 'Yeah, i thought you could use a hand.' 'Don't worry, i can hold him. Destroy the head!' Kyle Pulled down another tree, that smashed Yoda's hut. 'No!' Domen cried out. 'All has been for nothing!' When Kyle jumped back into the fight, Domen was on the losing hand. He went back to his ship and took off. The last remaining map to the Valley had been destroyed.

05-21-2004, 03:24 PM
I. Repeat. with. Controlled. anger. that. the. people. that. say. my. story. sucks. should. have. the. courage. to. tell. me.

And if they don't know that, they haven't read this far and thus have no right to judge this story.

Luke returned to the academy with Kyle. He summoned everybody to the meditation chamber. When everybody was there, he started a speech: 'Fellow Jedi, the last map to the Valley of the Jedi is destroyed, and the new sith cannot find it anymore. However, i fear that they may search for other power surges, similar to the Valley.' Kyle interupted him: 'Let me guess: Korriban.' 'Probably, yes. Therefore i want to send Jedi knight Jaden Korr to the ruins of the Sith in the valley of the Dark lords. '
'Master, why me?' Jaden asked. 'Because of your past experiences with Ragnos' spirit. And your resourcefulness and great mastery of the force.' He paused for some time and turned to the other Jedi. 'I want the rest of you to try and find out anything you can about other possible power surges. And it is important for the padawans to complete their training in these hard times. May the force be with you.'

Jaden arrived on Korriban and landed his Z-95 in a small canyon close to the Valley of the Dark lords. When he stepped out of the cockpit, he immediatly heard people aproaching. Stormtroopers, by the sound of it. And they didn't bother to be silent. Jaden hid behind a rock pillar. 'That ship must've landed around here somewhere.' One said. 'Look, there it is.' The other one replied. The stormtroopers went over to the ship to check on it, allowing Jaden to slip past them into the valley. He overheard more people talking. One was an Imperial officer, the other one, who was standing with his bakc turned to Jaden, wore a long Black cloak. 'If there is a power surge on Korriban, it's not in any of the tombs, milord.' The Officer said. 'It is. I know it is. It must be hidden in a secret room. Keep looking.' the cloaked figure replied. Jaden had gathered enough proof, and decided he shouldn't try to take on the new Sith alone and return to his ship. When he turned around to do so, he found himself face to face with a blond-haired women. She wore black clothes and was wielding a red Lightsaber. 'I already thought i heard something.' She said. 'Master, a spy!' The cloaked figure standing in the middle of the valley turned around. It was Domen. Now Jaden didn't have a chance. He tried to strike down the woman, but suddenly it felt like something was pushing all the air out of his lungs. He grabbed to his throat and fell to the ground, but then he was lifted into the air. He tried to break the grip, but at that moment, Domen arrived on the spot and the woman dropped him on the ground.He landed painfully in front of Domen's feet. 'A Jedi. What a surprise.' He said. 'So Skywalker is onto us, eh? Agia, kill him.' Domen prepared to walk away, when Jaden called: 'No, wait!' 'What is it?' 'I could tell you the location of the valley of the jedi!' 'Liar. Only Skywalker and Katarn know it. ' Domen replied, but it still got his attention. 'That's not true. The valley of the Jedi is located on a planet called Altyr five. But it's very hard, almost impossible to find if you don't know where to look.' 'Hmmmm... Very well. You'll live... For now. But only if you show us the Valley of the Jedi. Come on.' Domen walked away, and Jaden felt a kick against his back. 'You heard the Master. Move along.' She said, and they walked towards an Imperial Lambda class-shuttle...

05-22-2004, 07:31 AM
Domen, Agia and Jaden arrived on Altyr five. 'Hmmm... There is a very strong force presence here.' Domen said. 'Maybe he's right afterall.' 'There,' Jaden said. 'It's in that canyon.' 'Agia, land there.' Domen ordered. Agia did as she was told and put the ship down in the canyon. 'There, that cave. With all the crystals in it.' Jaden walked inside the cave, followed by Agia and Domen, who followed their force-presences as he couldn't see them. Inside the cave, Jaden suddenly ran away with Force-speed. He could hear Domen call 'Agia! After him! After him!' Behind him, but he could evade them inhere for days. This wasn't the Valley of the Jedi, but the crystal cave. That explained the strong force-presence. The cave was like a labyrinth, but Jaden knew the way. He'd been here before, to get crystals for his replacement saber after he lost his first one on Vjun. The problem was, there was only one way out. The other problem was, even though Domen was blind, he could still know the way and help Agia track him down. Domen quickly continued on into the cave, untill he reached an underground ravine, with a small, fragile crystal bridge across it. Behind him, he could hear voices. Agia and Domen were on their way. He tried to cross the bridge as quick as he could, but it was only about 20 centimeters wide. Agia caught up on him when he was half across, and force-jumped at him in rage. Jaden quickly pulled his lightsaber and ignited it, but the force of Agia's blow knocked him on the ground, with his head hanging over the depths. Agia tried to kill him, but Jaden made a backward roll and Agia's lightsaber hit the bridge. It collapsed, and Jaden and Agia fell into the depths.

05-29-2004, 01:01 PM
Back at the academy, Luke had discovered something from the Sith Holocron. It said something about a new weapon hidden Somewhere on Naboo, that could destroy the Jedi if allowed to develop. Luke, ofcourse, didn't want that to happen and called for Kyle, who flew to the spot...

'Are we there yet?' Jan asked. 'Almost. Naboo is on the outer Rim, it takes a while from Yavin.' Moments later, their freighter exited Hyperspace above Naboo. The set down in the capital city, Theed.
'Jan, let's split up. I'll go ask around the local cantina's, you go to the spaceport helpdesk to see if you can find anything.' After half an hour, Kyle returned to the spaceport. 'Geez, there are little cantina's on this planet. You found out anything?' Kyle aksed Jan. 'Not really,' Jan Replied. 'Only some tourist information. There's only one interesting thing i found till now: Naboo's core is made out of water.' 'So?' 'So that would be a great hiding place for a secret weapon, don't you think?' 'And how do you suppose we get there? The tramlines don't exactly go there you know.' 'I'm working on that now... There.' Jan said, while she pointed at the computer console. 'The gungans.' 'The what?' 'Amphibious creatures. They live in the swamp. They could lend us a sub to go to the core. I hope. Otherwise, we'll have to look around for someone else with a sub.' 'I don't think we'll find someone else. Does it say WHERE in the swamp they live?' 'From our current location... On the other side of the planet...'

05-31-2004, 07:21 AM
Jan put the freighter down in the swamp. 'So, they gotta be around here somewhere?' Kyle asked. 'According to that console, yes.' They walked into the swamp. There were a lot of critters, but not a single gungan. 'Man, where are these things?' Kyle asked after a while. Then he heard a voice behind him. 'What are yousa looking for?' 'What? Who are you?' Kyle asked, while he quickly turned around. 'Mesa name is Ralpat. I'm a gungan.' 'A gungan? Well, what a coincidence. We're looking for a sub. One that can take us to the core.' 'Wesa have them in Otoh Gunga. Yousa follow mesa.' The gungan went into the bushes, and Jan and Kyle followed him. Untill they reached a small lake. 'Where'd he go?' Jan asked. 'I think into the water.' Kyle answered. 'How long can you hold your breath?' 'About a minute. Why?' 'This seems pretty deep. With help of the force, i could make it it, i think, but you....' 'I get it. I'll wait here.'
Kyle dissapeared into the water. It was deep and cold, but in the distance he could see lights. With enhanced speed, thanks to the force, he started to swim towards it. I'm gonna make it! He thought, when suddenly, a giant fish emerged from the depths. Kyle grabbed his lightsaber, only to realize it didn't work under water. He unleashed a force-lightning storm upon the fish and it quickly went away. Kyle continued, but he didn't have enough air anymore. He almost lost conscience, when he felt someone grab his arm. Moments later, he was back on dry ground. The gungan was standing over him. 'Hellodio! I brought yousa bongo. Let's pick up your friend now, okidey?' 'Yeah, er... Ok. Thanks, by the way.'
The bongo-sub emerged from the water. Kyle jumped onto the shore. Jan was gone. 'Jan? Where are you? Jan!' Tehn someone fired a blaster at him from the bushes. But Kyle was faster. He force-pulled his lightsaber in his hand and activated it fast enough to block the shots. Kyle jumped into the bushes and cut down the person that shot at him. A stormtrooper. 'Oh no.' Kyle said to himself. 'The new sith must know about the weapon.' He went deeper into the swamp, and found an encampment. Jan was in the middle, and she was surrounded by stormtroopers. They were interrogating her. 'Where is the weapon?' The stormtrooper's commander asked. 'I told you, i don't know!' The commander pubhed her in the stomach. Jan fell to the ground. 'Tell me where it is!' 'Never!' The commander nodded and the other stormtroopers aimed their guns at Jan. 'One last chance.' He said. 'Where is the weapon?' Jan quickly got up and jumped the commander. 'Shoot her!' He ordered his troops, but they already surrendered to Kyle, who had pulled their guns out of their hands. Jan knocked out the commander and he and the other troopers where turned in to the gungan authorities. 'Now, let's find that weapon.'

Darth Rythe
06-02-2004, 08:23 AM
I just copied and pasted all of that so it'd better be good.

I might do the same with sabertooths.

Keep it up.

06-02-2004, 08:40 AM
Originally posted by Darth Rythe
I just copied and pasted all of that so it'd better be good.

I might do the same with sabertooths.


Umm... Can you tell me what you exactly did? I don't want something happening to my fanfics without me permission.

*gets fleet of lobsters ready*

Keep it up, Doom! You're definetly improving!

06-05-2004, 11:17 AM
Alright, here it goes again!

Some time later, Kyle and Jan arrived in Naboo's core with the bongo sub. 'You see anything?' Kyle asked Jan. 'Nope. But i don't think that holocron was wrong. Maybe that thing just isn't in the core, whatever it is.' Suddenly, a shock went trough the Bongo. 'What happened?' Kyle asked. 'Are we sinking?' 'It's even worse. We're being eaten.' Jan replied. Then Kyle saw it too. Teeth, as big as himself, were holding the ship in it's place. It would be a matter of time before the ship would be crushed and eaten whole. Kyle reacted quickly by shooting force-lightning trough the bubble-like windshield into the creatures mouth. It quickly let go. 'Hit it, Jan!' Kyle shouted. The bongo rushed forward, but the creature swung it's massive claws at the bongo, disabling it's power. 'We've got a leak!' Kyle said, and he immediatly held back the water with the force. 'Do something! Quickly! I don't know how much longer i can hold!' Kyle said. 'I'd love to, but the power's down! We're sinking into that hole in the bottom, where that thing came from!'

chapter 12: (nameless for now.)
Jaden was sitting in a chair. He was facing the window, looking out onto the Taris streets. Then, the door opened. A Woman in black clothes entered. Her face was covered in tattoos. 'you requested to see me, my lord?' Jaden turned his chair around, so that it faced the table. 'Yes. How did the mission go?' 'We completely surprised those Jedi weaklings. It was a good idea to have our fleet stand ready around Yavin, waiting untill Skywalker left.' 'Ha! I had foreseen it.' He was silent for a while. Then he continued: 'Have you got the droids head?' 'No, my master. Skywalker must've hidden it well. Maybe destroyed it. But we have a prisoner that could tell us a lot about it.' 'Oh? Bring him in.' The doors opened again, when two stormtroopers brought in the prisoner: Kyle Katarn. 'Katarn... You did well, Agia.' He said to the woman. 'You may go now. I will interrogate him myself.'

then he was standing in a cell, along with Kyle. 'What pleasant surprise have you got in mind for me this time, Domen?' Kyle asked. 'More force-lightning? More mindprobes? More torturing? Give up. I'll never give up the information.' 'Not willingly atleast.' Jaden answered. Then, Kyle felt a strange feeling, as if something entered his head. He tried to resist it, but it continued. Jaden smiled. It was working. Soon, he'd truly be the most powerful being that ever existed. 'Dagobah? The map is hidden on Dagobah? Good. Now, Katarn, you will die.' Jaden engaged his lightsaber and moved it towards Kyle, but then it stopped. Kyle was using the force to hold it back. 'You're forgetting,' Kyle said, 'That i already have the power of the Valley of the Jedi.' Then he pushed back Jaden's lightsaber, wich hit his face, and ran out of the hallway. Then Jaden woke up.

'Ugh... Where am i?' He asked himself. His voice echoed trough the cave. He tried to get up, but his body hurt all over. He quickly used the force to heal himself. Lying next to him was a woman. She was dead. Jaden recognised her as Agia. He needed to find a way out. He looked up, to the shattered bridge above him. At least fivehundred meters. It was a miracle he survived. He couldn't get up that way. Jaden walked around the cave some more, untill he came by a large door. 'That's strange.' Jaden thought. He opened the heavy door and entered a large hallway. At the end of the hallway, there was an altar. And on the altar, there was... 'Another Holocron?' Jaden activated the Holocron, and just as with the Sith holocron, some sort of holographic book appeared. Jaden recognised many things. They were taught to hima t the Jedi academy. This was the Jedi holocron. There was one note that particularaly interested Jaden: 'When two individuals share each others memories in their dreams, it is a sign of both a strong mastery of the force as well as a special bond between the two individuals... That's what i had. I wonder what my 'special bond' with Domen is.' Jaden said, and then he continued looking for a way out. Afterall, if the jedi could build this temple here, surely they could get here, and probably out of here too...

Darth Rythe
06-05-2004, 10:45 PM
Originally posted by sabretooth

Umm... Can you tell me what you exactly did? I don't want something happening to my fanfics without me permission.

*gets fleet of lobsters ready*

Keep it up, Doom! You're definetly improving!


I just copied and pasted all of that.......

So i can read it later...:rolleyes:

This is an interesting story.

06-06-2004, 11:46 AM
Thanks! Now where was I... Ah yes.

Jan woke up. 'Ah, so you're finally awake!' Kyle asked. She was standing ni a large, ancient looking building. 'Where are we?' She asked. 'I don't know yet. ' Kyle answered. 'But it probably is the holding place of the weapon. I haven't really taken the time to look around yet. We were quite lucky by the way. That monster was probably some sort of guardian. When the water came in, you lost conscience, but i was able to steer the thing inside a large bubble and opened the wind shield.' 'And this bubble is... here?' 'Right. Now, let's have a look inside, shall we?' Kyle opened the heavy door across the room. They proceeded trough a long hallway ('What is it with sith and long hallways? we always have to crawl trough meters of dark corridor before we get where we want' Kyle complained) until they finally reached a small room with no light. Kyle turned on his field light and saw a control panel. 'Jan, his is more your territory. See if you can get the lights on.' Kyle said. Jan started pushing some buttons. 'Any progress?' Kyle asked. 'Not yet. It's all writen in a strange language. This thing must be really old.' Just when Kyle mumbled 'great, we came all this way for nothing.', Jan managed to open the hatches that concealed the windows, that were appearantly there. Trough it, the could see thousands of cloning cilinders, each holding a strange creature. 'What are those things?' Kyle asked. 'I don't know' Jan replied. 'I haven't seen them anywhere before. Maybe they're long extinct.' 'We should inform Luke about this.' Kyle said. 'Uh oh.' Jan said. 'What?' Kyle asked. 'We don't have a sub anymore.'...

06-15-2004, 07:34 PM
I'm commenting from the top down and I've only read the fist post and a little, so some of this may have been taken care of in later parts of the story, but here goes:

Paragraphs are your friends, invite them over.

Physical descriptions wouldn't hurt.

Scenography wouldn't hurt either.

One of the tricks to making situations - e.g. combat - exiting is to create suspence: Give cues as to the outcome, but withhold some of the information for a while, gradually divoulging it as the reader progresses down the text. If employed correctly it is possible, although not always desireable, to maintain suspense throughout chapters, or even whole novels.

As an example, consider this paragraph:

Domen found himself surrounded by garbage and, unfortunate enough, walls. Next to him was another body. he recognized it immediatly. It was Fundo Corak. And by the looks of it he was dead for a few days already. 'if Corak's dead, who's sitting up there in the throne room?' He also quickly realized that he was in a garbage masher with no way out. Not even a closed door, only walls. And two of the walls started moving.

By adding a little embellishment and a description of the environment, you'll get a far more exiting text. I'd off-hand imagine something like this:

A throbbing pain in his forehead greaded Domen as he regained conciousness. He vinced slightly as he touched the place where the big alien had hit him, but was relieved to find that his skull was not fractured.
Looking around, he realised that he was lying atop a pile of garbage, next to another body. He saw no immediate signs of violence, but judging by the smell, this fellow had been somewhat less fortunate than Domen.
Suddenly he recognized the other man. But if he is here, then who... His chain of thought was cut short by a low rumbling and the sqeak of poorly-oiled gears. Looking up, Domen realised that he was trapped in an enclosed courtyard of some sort, bordered by tall walls. And that some of the walls were moving.

Note the difference? The technique is amazingly simple, if you look carefully: Rather than beginning with a description of the whole scene, and then zooming in on the character, I start with a description of the character and zoom out to cover the scene. Then I ad some descriptions, and violá!

Another trick is to avoid directly repeating the information that the reader was given in the paragraph directly above (where the alien said what they'd done to the crimelord). This way, you play with the reader's already aquired knowledge, allowing the reader to think a little for himself. When not overdone, this is a useful tool to keep people's attention.

06-16-2004, 06:52 AM
Keep it up, Doom! Keep 'em comin'!

Follow ShadowTemplar's advice, he rockz. (I'm using his advice for my fanfic and story:D )

06-16-2004, 04:38 PM
Man, you're good, shadowtemplar. I'm surprised you don't have a fanfiction yourself.
the sad fact is, that i know pretty much how to do it, only i don't know many of the words in english. I will try to follow your advise more, because i didn't really do that anyway. So i'll try.
'Do. Or do not. There is no try.' Dang! alright i'll do it.

Jaden neared a large, wooden door. It looked old, as though it could fall apart any minute, but it was still standing, trying to protect whatever was behind it. It was very heavy, but with help of the force, Jaden managed to open it.
Still no exit. What Jaden did see, was a number of skeletons lying on the floor. Some where missing parts of their body, their arms, legs or even their heads. At the end of the room, their was a large altar, with a big chest on it. It looked a bit like a sarcophagus. Jaden walked the steps on to the altar and up to the chest. Light was shining upon it from above. Jaden cleaned away the dust with his hand, and in the small lightbundle he could just read something written on the chest.
It said: 'This is the burial place of our leader, Ando Furon. He has fallen in the battle against the sith, but his spirit will live on.' Jaden removed the upper half of the chest with a little trouble, and looked into the chest. There was only a small, red crystal. Jaden picked it up and had another vision...
He was standing in a swamp, and he saw Gander, the traitor. He was talking to him. Then, a large tree came rolling at him. He quickly force-jumped to dodge it. Gander wasn't so lucky. The tree hit him hard. Jaden fought Luke, but then Kyle appeared and destroyed the small hut in the background...
At that moment, Jaden woke up again. He was still in the room, with the crystal in his hand. For a moment he just stood there, thinking about his vision, but then he continued to look for an exit...

There, was that better?

06-17-2004, 05:27 AM
Much better, Doom. :)

06-24-2004, 06:25 PM
Originally posted by Doomgiver
Man, you're good, shadowtemplar. I'm surprised you don't have a fanfiction yourself.

High praise. But you're wrong about one thing. (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=88330)