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View Full Version : Deeds and Hippos: Another Random Thread by Jofa


JofaGuht
05-27-2004, 02:55 PM
So I'm walking home and I see a bird on the road. It's shivering like it's hurt or something. Well, First I went back to the mailboxes to see if I yet recieved the third season od Angel on DVD, then I went back. The bird's still there. So...helping out a dying bird is like a one way ticket to heaven, right? Well, I didn't think I helped it that much, I didn't take it home or anything. I mean, that's how they get you. It's part of their sinister plan. They act injured and wait until a human takes it home and then they peck your eyes out and take over the world Hitchcock style. So I didn't take it home. I just picked it up (I'm not an obsessive guy who's afraid of rabies from doubledipping) and put it to the nearest tree with birds on it....hoping they might know what to do with it. Discuss this.

Also, I have a few unrelated questions:

Question #1: What is the plural of "hippopotamus"?

Question #2: Do locusts really taste like pistacios, or is that an urban legend?

Final Question: Is it really that fine being in North Carolina in the morning?

Skinkie
05-27-2004, 11:08 PM
Originally posted by JofaGuht

Question #1: What is the plural of "hippopotamus"?

Question #2: Do locusts really taste like pistacios, or is that an urban legend?

Final Question: Is it really that fine being in North Carolina in the morning? [/B]

1. Hippopotimi, like octopi
2. What kind of people do you hang out with, this is a freaky question.
3. No, its better to be in bed... till noon, at least.

Alien426
05-28-2004, 01:40 AM
Sometimes it's not about first aid, but last aid.

> What is the plural of "hippopotamus"?

Hippos? (http://www.askoxford.com/asktheexperts/faq/aboutgrammar/plurals)

> Do locusts really taste like pistacios, or is that an urban legend?

Only one way to find out, really.

So sayeth the wise Alaundo (http://downloads.bioware.com/baldursgate1/music/chantamb.zip)

> Is it really that fine being in North Carolina in the morning?

No.

Dr Edison 007
05-28-2004, 06:33 AM
> Is it really that fine being in North Carolina in the morning?

No.

Speak for yourself, I went there last year to visit old relatives and I have to say it's quite fine to be there in the morning, especially when you get to go to those racist Waffle Houses.

Joshi
05-28-2004, 04:47 PM
1) Depends. If you have a lisp, then it's most definately hippopotumusses. otherwise it's not funny so it's Hippopotumi
2) Yes, yes they do.
3) Finer

Now back to the topic in hand.

The birds should actually know what to do, I mean they have all that training and all so it's not that bad.

But that won't get you into heaven. To do that, you must walk a nun across a street a thousand times just to get close.

Zoom Rabbit
05-28-2004, 08:52 PM
But Neil, wouldn't the nun get pissed off at you after just a few trips across the street? I'm pretty sure you'd be going to hell long before you'd dragged her across a thousand times...

:D

Jofa: The birds would indeed know what to do with it. :dozey: If they were vultures. I will now attempt to answer your other questions by channeling Wally the Space Dolphin and asking what he thinks.

:assult: (Wally)

Your first question is not to be unexpected from a bipedal homind that conceptualizes the world linguistically, but it should be realized that since the hippopotamus is a creature that vocalizes quite differently from humans, the word 'hippopotamus' itself is as irrelevant to the described species as the word 'squeemf' (a rough but approximate spelling of the vocalization this species produces on contact with humans) would be to the humans described by it...and pluralization is even more tenuous a concept in creatures who do not employ math.

Your next question is less predictable, given that live insects are a menu choice rarely pursued by homo sapiens, although Wally does comment that the difference in flavor between insects and other crustaceans living underwater, which people do eat (sometimes with great relish,) is negligible.

Finally, your last question was one that could probably best be answered by your average infantry marine stationed at Camp Lejeune, where morning comes at three a.m. and the first thing you see is a gunnery seargent with bad breath and no sense of humor, who wants you to stop masturbating and get your sweet cheeks out on his formation yard for latrine duty.

JofaGuht
05-29-2004, 01:58 AM
Well, I would actually have to walk a nun across two thousand times because those people in heaven really have it in for the athiests. While helping a bird is an angelic deed symbolically. As for the bird, I found it again and it was sleeping (and yet moving its head in a "still alive" fashion) so I put a leaf on it as if it were a blanket. I think it's probably dead now, but it least it got to die with a blanket on it. Well, a wet leafy blanket. But still.

On to locusts. Well, actually the question wasn't for locusts yet for cicadas. You see, before now, I had no clue how to spell "cicada". Yet now I type it proudly knowing I know how to spell the word "cicada". Cicada Cicada CICADA!!!! But in fact, the thing about pistacios, my home ec teacher told me about that. You have to trust a home ec teacher, right?

Now onto the old Dick Van Dyke episodes. Being in Kitty Hawk in the morning is great, yet being in Richmond sucks...which really doesn't justify anything considering the fact that Richmond is in Virginia. Yet still.

Joshi
05-29-2004, 02:01 PM
Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit
But Neil, wouldn't the nun get pissed off at you after just a few trips across the street? I'm pretty sure you'd be going to hell long before you'd dragged her across a thousand times...


I don't make up the rules, I wish I did (oh how I wish I did, people would be going to hell by merely ignoring me whenever they see me, that'll learn em!) but I don't.

JofaGuht
05-29-2004, 03:52 PM
I found the bird. It's been confirmed. Poor thing's died. I guess it's 3000 nuns for me.

Ernil
06-03-2004, 10:16 AM
It's shivering like it's hurt or something. Well, First I went back to the mailboxes to see if I yet recieved the third season od Angel on DVD




Well, there was this old dying man on the street, and he told me "sonny, come over here, and listen to the last dying words of an old, poor soul" so I went over to my mailbox to see if I had recieved the third season....

JofaGuht
06-03-2004, 01:19 PM
The mailboxes were really close. Don't make fun of me. It was a bird so I don't think it had too much to communicate. I helped it anyway, right? Well, apart from the whole being dead part. But at least I relocated its suffering. But look at it this way, after I found the bird dead three days later or so, I felt kind of guilty. That guilt was wiped clean when I started watching some of those old episodes. Man, they were good.

I did once take in a malnourished cat from under a dumpster. Her name's Lala. She's alive today because of my selflessness so don't judge me. Plus, had I taken the bird home, Lala probably would have killed it. Not because she's a bastard, but because its in her nature. Just like its in my nature that the arrival of snail mail is my top priority next to disturbing the flow of life and nature by self-reightrously helping something....which I did anyway and failed....and no self-reighteousness was involved in helping Lala, that was all selflessness.

So, who wants to talk about me?

Zoom Rabbit
06-03-2004, 07:33 PM
Originally posted by JofaGuht
The mailboxes were really close. Don't make fun of me. It was a bird so I don't think it had too much to communicate. I helped it anyway, right? Well, apart from the whole being dead part. But at least I relocated its suffering. But look at it this way, after I found the bird dead three days later or so, I felt kind of guilty. That guilt was wiped clean when I started watching some of those old episodes. Man, they were good.

The bird would have died no matter what you did. Taking a bird home and magically nursing it to health is something that usually doesn't happen. Being a veterinarian or ornithologist woulde improve your chances of success, but even still, a sick bird is a frail creature that Mother Nature, frankly, tends to do away with...

I did once take in a malnourished cat from under a dumpster. Her name's Lala. She's alive today because of my selflessness so don't judge me. Plus, had I taken the bird home, Lala probably would have killed it. Not because she's a bastard, but because its in her nature. Just like its in my nature that the arrival of snail mail is my top priority next to disturbing the flow of life and nature by self-reightrously helping something....which I did anyway and failed....and no self-reighteousness was involved in helping Lala, that was all selflessness.

You can save birds, or you can save cats...but not both. :dozey: Wanting to save everything is a good thing, but the mindset that inspires it is really what you're supposed to have. In the real world, often times you're hard pressed just to save yourself.

So, who wants to talk about me?

Aw, you're okay...but I'd much rather talk about whale porn. :max:

JofaGuht
06-03-2004, 11:40 PM
Well, Zoom Rabbit, aren't you Mr. Deep-thinking Human Condition Analyzing Existentialist Person? Come on. You don't have to be all real-life peptalky. I liked it better when people were just coming up with different inventive ways of calling me an *******.

Yes, whale porn is a popular topic. But what about CICADAS? All backing into each other. It's the new trend of filmmaking.

Alien426
06-04-2004, 01:56 AM
Yes, you can save both. Only you'd have to freeze the bird. You could have made a stunt out of it, pushing people to the side and yelling: "Make room! This bird has only minutes left! I'M no DOCTOR!!!"
Then yell into your cell phone: "Ready the freezing chamber! And I need a dose of epinephrine, STAT!"

Zoom Rabbit
06-05-2004, 12:42 AM
Originally posted by Alien426
Yes, you can save both. Only you'd have to freeze the bird. You could have made a stunt out of it, pushing people to the side and yelling: "Make room! This bird has only minutes left! I'M no DOCTOR!!!"
Then yell into your cell phone: "Ready the freezing chamber! And I need a dose of epinephrine, STAT!"

Giving a bird epinephrine would turn it into a raging talon-shred shriek monster with a ten-foot wingspan, like some prehistoric ghost of velociraptor come to wreak vengeance upon us for burning fossil fuels. Give it acid instead. :D

Jofaguht: Vous êtes trou de derrière. :dozey: But you're still off the hook for killing the bird. I googled whale porn and came up with this (http://www.beaterz.com/reviews/1199/p5_Porsche935/porsche_back.jpg), so now I'm frustrated and confused. Can I borrow a dollar?

;)