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RpTheHotrod
06-28-2004, 10:40 PM
Well, I figured...I might as well let it all out. If some of you can't accept it, well, then I'm sorry, but this is me.


http://www.jaguarfx.net/hotrod/personal/index.php

Anthony
06-28-2004, 11:17 PM
I....m speechless.

BongoBob
06-28-2004, 11:38 PM
Capn, did you read all of that? That remark pisses me off.

I...um...err...

I am utterly speechless and don't know what to say.

:(

Curt-Man
06-28-2004, 11:43 PM
that was amazing, you are truely a great and persistant person, i don't even know you and i'm getting emotional as if i was reading that same autobiography of one of my close friends, i know you will be wiht chirst in heaven son enough but keep touching peoples hearts like you've touched mine, thank you

Anthony
06-28-2004, 11:52 PM
Yeah, sent chills down my back when I was reading.


and Capn, that wasn't at all thoughtful.

--ZeeMan--
06-29-2004, 12:01 AM
:( now you all know why he posted his "if you had one year to live" thread :(

ZBomber
06-29-2004, 12:09 AM
wow man.....

Just... wow.....

legameboy
06-29-2004, 12:38 AM
I... :(

Tyrion
06-29-2004, 01:07 AM
Aw man, that's really sad RP...:(

You said that you wanted to find one person who just cared back, maybe that person is Christ?

CapNColostomy
06-29-2004, 01:29 AM
Well excuse the **** out of me, my very sensitive little sisters. I said I was kidding, but I'll delete the damned thing anyway.

[EDIT]Okay, I'll admit I skipped the last couple paragraphs, I won't say why. Alright, I changed my mind. I will say why. I believe absolutley none of the information provided in that link. So be pissed if you want. I'll consistantly not give a single rats ass.

I'll just say I made my comment and it was maybe uncalled for.

ET Warrior
06-29-2004, 02:26 AM
I care RP. I personally don't share the same beliefs that you do, but you've been here a long time, and I'd say you're deffinately an alright guy by me. Understandably it's a little less pleasing it being some random fellow on a forum, whom you never have and never will meet...But here's an E-hug from me to you.

*E-HUG*...'d

--ZeeMan--
06-29-2004, 02:27 AM
:-\ if you know rp you know he doesn't kid about this stuff like this :-\ and if you can't say anything of value then why be here?

ET Warrior
06-29-2004, 02:35 AM
Originally posted by --ZeeMan--
:-\ if you know rp you know he doesn't kid about this stuff like this :-\ and if you can't say anything of value then why be here?

Are we talkin aboot the Capn or me? Because I was taking it serious :dozey:

--ZeeMan--
06-29-2004, 02:38 AM
Originally posted by ET Warrior
Are we talkin aboot the Capn or me? Because I was taking it serious :dozey:

you posted just before i did so no offense to you ET. i also don't mean any offense towards cpn, i'm just trying to say due to the mood of the thread to please keep it respectful

ET Warrior
06-29-2004, 02:57 AM
Ahso, no offenses taken, I was just clarifying..



On a further note, I was wondering what hte sound coming from the headphones was, as I had no sound programs running, and I found out that apparently that site with your message has some pretty neat music playing on it RP. I've been listening to that song for like, 20 minutes :)

--ZeeMan--
06-29-2004, 03:19 AM
I think that rp wrote that but i'll let him clarify of that

Darth Rythe
06-29-2004, 05:08 AM
That's a sadstory RP.

You've taken a step tell everyone.



ps: Is that music from Max Payne?

Mex
06-29-2004, 05:26 AM
Beleive in Christ? I can't beleive in something that in my eyes, does not exist.

... That read was a little strange, sorry if I'm acting like a dick but thats what I think.

IG-64
06-29-2004, 05:49 AM
RP, I believed every word of that, and I have learned alot from what you have said and have gained faith in God because of that.

I am deeply sorry you had to go through all of that in your life, and that it has to end soon.

:(

Darth Rythe
06-29-2004, 05:50 AM
Originally posted by Pal™
Beleive in Christ? I can't beleive in something that in my eyes, does not exist.

... That read was a little strange, sorry if I'm acting like a dick but thats what I think.

I don't believe in christ either, but I still thought it was sad.

And your not acting like a dick, you are expressing you oppinion.

GothiX
06-29-2004, 06:01 AM
I'm an atheist, and I'll go and be honest: I think that what you've been doing has been a bit too extreme. Others should be left alone in their beliefs, if they want to be a Christian, they find it out when the time comes. Same for being a Buddhist, Moslim, spiritualist, or for the hell of it, even Satanist. Many people claim to be healed by religious entities, personally, I don't believe that. I believe that physical and mental health have a very strong connection in your mind and body, so if you believe you can get well, you will get well. Visions of the future, well, I can't explain them, but I do know they exist, and can be extremely frightening and hard to deal with - same goes for knowing how other feel.

Don't misunderstand me on this, tho, I beg you. I'm not accusing you of being a liar, or for that matter, a bad person. I believe that that story is exactly what has happened as seen through your own eyes.

And about homosexuality - I don't believe it's a sin, it's gene-defined. if your genes tell you you're attracted to members of the same sex, don't be afraid to come out for it. Hell, even froma religious point of view, it's not wrong - didn't Jesus say to be who you are, and to be proud of what you are? Homosexuals can be people too, in fact, a friend of mine who is homosexual, actually saved my life. In my opinion, it's not wrong to be gay, it's wrong to judge people for being gay.

That you are there for your friends, is a great bit of character, and something to be extremely proud of. However, they've got lifes next to you, often it's best to keep a little distance, if that person really needs help, he or she will come to you, and allow you to help him/her. Keeping multiple sortalike contacts will eventually lead to being surrounded by people you know very well, and who actually do care about you - and don't be afraid to tell the problems you've just written down, to them. That's a sign of trust, bigger than you could possibly imagine. Admittedly, there isn't much time left for you to do this, but you should try, it's never too late. The step you took by creating that website is large, and I seriously think you've got more mental strength than you might realise, if you're able to do something like that - I know I wouldn't be able to do this.

If you'd die, I'd know for sure that I will cry, despite the fact that I hardly knew you. You say you consider your life a failure, I don't think it is. Look at all that you've come through, all that you might have meant for people, for what good came to them thanks to your help, is that really a sign of failure? I don't think so. I think it's a sign of you being near mental invincibility, something a lot of us can only dream of.

From the view of your religion, you've lived an almost perfect life, judging by what I've just read. I wish more people could be like you, but sadly, i don't think there are much. I know I've dedicated my life to helping others, but the effort you have put into it is, from any damn point of view, incredible, and earns you my full respect. I have no idea of what the cause is of, as you put it, your coming death, but I wish with all my heart, that somehow, a medicine, remedy or cure is found, allowing you to live on, stronger than ever.

I have no good way of saying this myself, so please, allow me to quote:
Needed elsewhere
To remind us of the shortness of your time
Tears laid for them
Tears of love tears of fear
Bury my dreams dig up my sorrows
Oh Lord why
Do angels fall first? --Nightwish, Angels Fall First

Even when you're gone, you'll live on in our hearts and spirits, and of those people you've helped.

Astrotoy7
06-29-2004, 06:07 AM
I dont get it, what everyone speechless about.... this is a young man with evident emotional and physical issues.

from Rp's site
At the age of seven or eight, I began to develop four minor symptoms of four different syndromes. I developed A.D.D., Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, and tourette. My muscles were always vibrating a bit, and sometimes my body would start to shake.

I just hope you're getting the medical attention you need.

good luck.

mtfbwya

Darth Rythe
06-29-2004, 06:11 AM
I have ADD, but over the past year or so, i've taken control of it, and I tell you, it was the hardest thing i've ever tried to do.

IG-64
06-29-2004, 06:41 AM
Originally posted by GothiX
didn't Jesus say to be who you are, and to be proud of what you are?

Be proud of what you are, not what you think you are, if you are born a male, you should be proud of being a male. Many times in the Bible God resents homosexuality as a sin.

And as judging people becase of homosexuality, I think you missed the point there, as obes would say, hate the sin, not the sinner.


Oh, and I also just realised that your story is freaking scary and it's dark and no one else is up, and I really feel troubled from the images you displayed with that story in the sence that those things really happen. But thats not your fault at all, RP. I am very glad you shared this with us and the rest of the world.

GothiX
06-29-2004, 06:51 AM
Proud of what he is? He's a born as a homosexual male, gives him the right to be honest about it, no?

Also, if God would see you as a sinner for being what you really are, that's the most wrong thing ever.

EDIT: That's all I'm going to say about this - this should NOT turn into a religious debate.

IG-64
06-29-2004, 06:55 AM
Originally posted by GothiX
Proud of what he is? He's a born as a homosexual male, gives him the right to be honest about it, no?

Also, if God would see you as a sinner for being what you really are, that's the most wrong thing ever.

well, IMHO, theres no such thing as being born a homosexual male.

EDIT: Agreed.

Pie™
06-29-2004, 07:17 AM
Originally posted by GothiX
I'm an atheist, and I'll go and be honest: I think that what you've been doing has been a bit too extreme. Others should be left alone in their beliefs, if they want to be a Christian, they find it out when the time comes. Same for being a Buddhist, Moslim, spiritualist, or for the hell of it, even Satanist. Many people claim to be healed by religious entities, personally, I don't believe that. I believe that physical and mental health have a very strong connection in your mind and body, so if you believe you can get well, you will get well. Visions of the future, well, I can't explain them, but I do know they exist, and can be extremely frightening and hard to deal with - same goes for knowing how other feel.

Don't misunderstand me on this, tho, I beg you. I'm not accusing you of being a liar, or for that matter, a bad person. I believe that that story is exactly what has happened as seen through your own eyes.

And about homosexuality - I don't believe it's a sin, it's gene-defined. if your genes tell you you're attracted to members of the same sex, don't be afraid to come out for it. Hell, even froma religious point of view, it's not wrong - didn't Jesus say to be who you are, and to be proud of what you are? Homosexuals can be people too, in fact, a friend of mine who is homosexual, actually saved my life. In my opinion, it's not wrong to be gay, it's wrong to judge people for being gay.

That you are there for your friends, is a great bit of character, and something to be extremely proud of. However, they've got lifes next to you, often it's best to keep a little distance, if that person really needs help, he or she will come to you, and allow you to help him/her. Keeping multiple sortalike contacts will eventually lead to being surrounded by people you know very well, and who actually do care about you - and don't be afraid to tell the problems you've just written down, to them. That's a sign of trust, bigger than you could possibly imagine. Admittedly, there isn't much time left for you to do this, but you should try, it's never too late. The step you took by creating that website is large, and I seriously think you've got more mental strength than you might realise, if you're able to do something like that - I know I wouldn't be able to do this.

If you'd die, I'd know for sure that I will cry, despite the fact that I hardly knew you. You say you consider your life a failure, I don't think it is. Look at all that you've come through, all that you might have meant for people, for what good came to them thanks to your help, is that really a sign of failure? I don't think so. I think it's a sign of you being near mental invincibility, something a lot of us can only dream of.

From the view of your religion, you've lived an almost perfect life, judging by what I've just read. I wish more people could be like you, but sadly, i don't think there are much. I know I've dedicated my life to helping others, but the effort you have put into it is, from any damn point of view, incredible, and earns you my full respect. I have no idea of what the cause is of, as you put it, your coming death, but I wish with all my heart, that somehow, a medicine, remedy or cure is found, allowing you to live on, stronger than ever.

I have no good way of saying this myself, so please, allow me to quote:
Needed elsewhere
To remind us of the shortness of your time
Tears laid for them
Tears of love tears of fear
Bury my dreams dig up my sorrows
Oh Lord why
Do angels fall first? --Nightwish, Angels Fall First

Even when you're gone, you'll live on in our hearts and spirits, and of those people you've helped. Word :)

Oh, and Astro, even though you might have sounded like a dick, I think you're actually in on something..


Good luck RP..

Astrotoy7
06-29-2004, 07:48 AM
Originally posted by Pie™
Word :)

Oh, and Astro, even though you might have sounded like a dick, I think you're actually in on something..


Good luck RP..

Howdy Pie :D

I wanst trying to sound like anything, but did want to express that IMO this guys main issues are medical moreso than spiritual.

IG, dont turn this into a "homosexuality is a sin" debate plz.


mtfbwya

Joetheeskimo
06-29-2004, 08:47 AM
All i can say is good luck, because there's no way I can try to counsel you at this point. Have you considered asking your Christian parents for guidance? I'm guessing a pastor could help you...

manoman81
06-29-2004, 09:31 AM
Wish I could say something, but this all caught me off guard. I can't say that I am really sad about what you wrote. Don't get me wrong. RP has been a constant since I have been hanging around the Swamp and I will truly miss him if he should disappear. However, RP, you sound like you know whats going to happen and you understand it. You already know who is there to help you. You've looked to Him many times. I think that only when we become comfortable with our death do we really understand what it is to live. I agree with Astro. Just make sure you are getting the medical attention you need as well. We are here for you when you need us. And don't worry about if people like what you posted or not. You've done more than what anyone of us could have done. Stand tall and keep walking. Enjoy the scenary while you are still with us. And don't forget to smile. :D Makes life that much easier.

Jedi_Vogel
06-29-2004, 10:45 AM
Pastor, Prayer, Doctors, Medicine.

God uses Doctors too.

May you find the peace you seek and if it's His Will, also the healing. But remember, not all answers to prayer are "yes", which may be hard to handle, but know that all of your days are in His hands, and they couldn't be in a safer place.

But don't forget to seek a medical opinion and see what they can offer you, seriously considering what they say, cos generally they know what they are on about :)

Sabretooth
06-29-2004, 11:05 AM
I won't be pessimistic. You did what you could and you contributed to everybody. There are few people like you.


May the Gods be with you.

ckcsaber
06-29-2004, 11:27 AM
I don't really understand the need you have to reveal all this information about your life to us. I respect your integrity, devotion, and faith in Jesus, but this all seems a tad weird.

A lot of people come to me for advice because I have unordinary wisdom in a lot of matters, and I know how to handle many situations for others. I have very good night vision, and I am very agile, but also decent in strength. . Probably due to me working for UPS for awhile. All in all, I am sensitive in things most people arn't even aware of.

You kind of make yourself sound-like Spiderman with your supposed premonitions and heightened senses. I don't think working for UPS can give you all these qualities.

If my best friend were to stab me in the back, my last dying breath would still say, "I still love you."
You must think pretty highly of yourself to say this. You sound almost Christ-like RP.


Maybe you're right. Maybe God gave you all of these amazing abilities to help your friends. Or maybe you have A.D.D., Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, and Tourette syndrome. I'm sorry to downplay this "confession" of your life. But maybe you're kidding yourself.

I'm saddened to hear that you think you will die soon. You will be in my prayer's Jared.

Doomie
06-29-2004, 11:36 AM
...

I'm speechless... That's amazing, enlightening and frightening at the same time... It almost made me a believer, aw man, this is going to depress me for days...

MennoniteHobbit
06-29-2004, 11:58 AM
I'm... speechless.

I'm sorry it has to end so soon according to your site. :(

I'm glad though that Christianity and God has guided your life. :) I'm not sure if this statement is fitting, but I hope you get the medical attention you need if you don't already, and get well soon.

I'm not sure, but maybe God chose you to have those syndromes to test your strength, will, and faith. And from what I see, you passed. :)

Joetheeskimo
06-29-2004, 12:35 PM
Originally posted by Doomgiver
... It almost made me a believer...

Oh, it's a good thing you narrowly escaped that. :rolleyes:

Troopr-Undr-Fir
06-29-2004, 12:46 PM
What is there to accept? You are you, and only you were able to tell the tale. That's all that should matter to you. Not what we the swampies think. You are a good man, that is all you need to know.

You know where to find me ;)

ZBomber
06-29-2004, 12:53 PM
ckc.... It doesn't nescarily means he was born like that. I'm sure if RP was killed by his best friend, he would be angry toward him for a short time. But, knowing that Jesus wants us to love everyone, he would forgive his friend.....

Thats how I interputed it, atleast.

ckcsaber
06-29-2004, 01:09 PM
Originally posted by ZBomber
ckc.... It doesn't nescarily means he was born like that. I'm sure if RP was killed by his best friend, he would be angry toward him for a short time. But, knowing that Jesus wants us to love everyone, he would forgive his friend.....


My point is not that Jesus wants us all to walk in his path and lead fruitful lives in his name, but that as humans, we all fall short in leading sinless lives.

--ZeeMan--
06-29-2004, 01:31 PM
whoa! let's not get this into a debate please :(

Pie™
06-29-2004, 01:34 PM
Oh man, I just discovered what you really tried to say...

I'm very sorry for you, and I really hope you can get the help you need... :(

My thoughts will be with you

Doomie
06-29-2004, 02:34 PM
Wow... I don't know why, but shortly after i read that, i reacted heavily emotional. It's better now, but i still feel a bit sorry that i have such little problems and make such a fuss out of it while he has much larger problems and just seems to accept them...

On a side note, i don't wish to upset people, but this isn't just a Really bad but well-prepared joke is it?

--ZeeMan--
06-29-2004, 02:48 PM
no doom. it's true

Doomie
06-29-2004, 03:09 PM
Alright. Then i can go back into a sad state.

No, i'm not trying to make fun of this, i take it seriously like most of you. i'm just a little paranoid. I can't help that.

Tyrion
06-29-2004, 04:14 PM
Yeah comon, don't go and turn this into a debate. Since I'm mostly an antagontist(could anyone give me the correct spelling please?) I could really go down and debunk some of his paragraphs, but this is really not the place for this.

MennoniteHobbit
06-29-2004, 04:26 PM
Originally posted by Tyrion
Yeah comon, don't go and turn this into a debate. Since I'm mostly an antagontist(could anyone give me the correct spelling please?) I could really go down and debunk some of his paragraphs, but this is really not the place for this.

*antagonist* ;)

Why the heck would you want to debate/debunk his story? The parts about him believing in God or something? :rolleyes:

Acrylic
06-29-2004, 04:39 PM
RP...

Ive been talking to you on AIM for a year now or so. Ive become pretty good friends with you. You told me about the whole "bi" thing so long ago, and you told me many things, and I told you alot too.

This just can't be true. I mean, Ive never had a friend die before, and even though I dont know you in "real" life...It hurts. It hurts to know that youll be gone and I won't be able to talk to you anymore. It hurts to know I wont be able to tell you about the girls that I like, whats troubling me, and so much more. It hurts to know that I'll have one less friend in my life.

I believe that God has a purpose for everything, and everyone. I believe that God has a reason for you to die. But it is things like this...that make me mad at God. That make me never want to care for anything ever again. God pisses me off somtimes, but Im sure that is his intention. Life isnt fair. I wish it was, because this would be easier on all of us, and you would be able to live the life that you're supposed to.

You're young. I dont want you to die.

-Acrylic

Anthony
06-29-2004, 05:30 PM
Ater realizing what it truly meant, My eyes watered up. I'm really sad now..

ZBomber
06-29-2004, 09:34 PM
Yeh, the part where he said "I'm a failure" tore me up.... Rp.... can't you see how many people you have touched? You're NOT a failure.

Tyrion
06-29-2004, 09:39 PM
Originally posted by MennoniteHobbit
Why the heck would you want to debate/debunk his story? The parts about him believing in God or something? :rolleyes:

That part, actually. But there's no point in doing it now, since it can only hurt Rp right now, and I really don't think he deserves that.

obi
06-29-2004, 11:37 PM
*didn't read any posts, there were too many =\*

As a preacher, I can say Good work. There is not a thing in the world that can keep you from getting your blessings.

When the time comes for your passing, you won't have to look back and say "I could have done better" or "I should have done this or that." You can look back and say "I've won. Satan has lost his battle. He's not claiming me. I'm a child of the King."

That last sentance, "I'm a child of the King," can get you through any circumstance. You are not a failure. If God be for you, Who can be against you?

And you do not carry this burden alone. It's a constant struggle with me as well. (The Demon/ Visions part)

I hear voices all the time, voices calling out for me, but they can't touch me, for I am covered by grace, as you are.

I Like how you see death as freedom, for Death isn't the end at all, it's just the beginning.

If I never come into contact with you online again, I will surely see you in the never-ending glory, and what a happy day it shall be.

There is joy on the other side of Jordan.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jared.

God Bless.

wassup
06-29-2004, 11:37 PM
I hope this isn't a suicide note or anything...

All I can say is, don't let the concerns of your past conquer you and never give up on the hope of a better future. Good luck and godspeed. :)

El Sitherino
06-29-2004, 11:47 PM
damn.:(

Lord Seraph
06-30-2004, 02:17 AM
incy been muh JA buddy 4 while now n incy i havent seen u on aim recently which isnt good :( but i hope u kno i like talkin to u so i hope if u get on we can talk and maybe have fun :) bein miserable no good :(


but incy u do gots ppl that care for ya


but newyz GL in whatever u do incy (or RP which ive noticed ug uysl ike to call him here, i call him incy) and also we here 4 ya hit me up on aim if u gots nuttn ta do :)

CapNColostomy
06-30-2004, 02:19 AM
The hell?

ET Warrior
06-30-2004, 02:50 AM
Originally posted by InsaneSith
damn.:(

Pretty much sums it all up neh?


And this thread is too serious for even ME to crack down on Lord Seraphs UNBELIEVABLE typing :(

--ZeeMan--
06-30-2004, 02:58 AM
Originally posted by ET Warrior
Pretty much sums it all up neh?


And this thread is too serious for even ME to crack down on Lord Seraphs UNBELIEVABLE typing :(

you aint missing much, he knows rp and me from our jka clan days and that's how he usually is

Lord Seraph
06-30-2004, 03:46 AM
but he muh buddy what u guys mean

Jed
06-30-2004, 04:37 AM
Rp -

You always have and always will have my utmost respect. There is no doubt in my mind that you have gone through life with the most dedication I've ever heard of.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, and no regrets to be had.

Check your PMs.

Take care.

BongoBob
06-30-2004, 05:26 AM
Originally posted by Egg Destroyer
Ater realizing what it truly meant, My eyes watered up. I'm really sad now..

Damnit, me to. Especially after reading this...

Originally posted by Acrylic
You're young. I dont want you to die.

Damn. Just. Damn.

:(

RP, please make sure that when it is your time, someone lets us all know. I don't wanna just wonder when you did leave us.

Damn :(

Joetheeskimo
06-30-2004, 09:39 AM
Originally posted by Lord Seraph
but he muh buddy what u guys mean

Please either shut up or type like a real person over the age of 4 for just this once.

I hope that you're listening to us, RP, because you haven't replied. You have to realize than we're all giving you our support here. You can't call yourself a failure now.

legameboy
06-30-2004, 11:10 AM
Jarred. I only met you... a month or two ago... but since that time... you turned my life around man.

Two years ago I had noone... no friends... I started spending extreme amounts of time on the internet, looking for someone to help me, someone to be a true and caring friend for me. At school, I might've had a friend or two... but they never cared about the situation I was in, no one did. I would get beat up a lot, insulted at all times... I was just lost. At one point I almost committed suicide by putting a steak knife to my wrist... crying in the kitchen alone at home. I started to think that my whole internet search was a waist of time, but two months ago, Zeeman invited me to AoS, the clan which you were in, and everybody was sayin' talk to Include, talk to Include about joining the clan. So I did talk to you... and at that moment my life started to change. You helped me in all areas, you gave me confidence, you helped me... no matter what situation I was in. You gave me a new life. I felt guilty, I wanted to help you in some way but I never knew how. After I read your letter on that website... I feel tremendous guilt, last night I cried for hours. I want to help you man, let me do something for you. I can't bear the thought of you going, and I wouldn't be able to live right if I can't do something about it...

Jarred, you are the friend I was looking for all those two years, you have all of my respect, care, and brotherly love that I can give until the day I die.

God bless you... love you man. I will be praying for you.

Joetheeskimo
06-30-2004, 11:48 AM
Originally posted by legameboy
Jarred. I only met you... a month or two ago... but since that time... you turned my life around man.

Two years ago I had noone... no friends... I started spending extreme amounts of time on the internet, looking for someone to help me, someone to be a true and caring friend for me. At school, I might've had a friend or two... but they never cared about the situation I was in, no one did. I would get beat up a lot, insulted at all times... I was just lost. At one point I almost committed suicide by putting a steak knife to my wrist... crying in the kitchen alone at home. I started to think that my whole internet search was a waist of time, but two months ago, Zeeman invited me to AoS, the clan which you were in, and everybody was sayin' talk to Include, talk to Include about joining the clan. So I did talk to you... and at that moment my life started to change. You helped me in all areas, you gave me confidence, you helped me... no matter what situation I was in. You gave me a new life. I felt guilty, I wanted to help you in some way but I never knew how. After I read your letter on that website... I feel tremendous guilt, last night I cried for hours. I want to help you man, let me do something for you. I can't bear the thought of you going, and I wouldn't be able to live right if I can't do something about it...

Jarred, you are the friend I was looking for all those two years, you have all of my respect, care, and brotherly love that I can give until the day I die.

God bless you... love you man. I will be praying for you.

Now we have two life stories to read. ;P

RpTheHotrod
06-30-2004, 11:54 AM
Hey guys, sorry. My net went down. Gonna read through this all now.

RpTheHotrod
06-30-2004, 12:00 PM
Originally posted by ckcsaber
I don't really understand the need you have to reveal all this information about your life to us. I respect your integrity, devotion, and faith in Jesus, but this all seems a tad weird.



You kind of make yourself sound-like Spiderman with your supposed premonitions and heightened senses. I don't think working for UPS can give you all these qualities.


You must think pretty highly of yourself to say this. You sound almost Christ-like RP.


Maybe you're right. Maybe God gave you all of these amazing abilities to help your friends. Or maybe you have A.D.D., Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, and Tourette syndrome. I'm sorry to downplay this "confession" of your life. But maybe you're kidding yourself.

I'm saddened to hear that you think you will die soon. You will be in my prayer's Jared.


Umm....I said actually being somewhat decent in strength was probably from UPS

and for thinking pretty highly of myself...I have nothing to think high of. You ask anyone who knows me, and they'll tell you I'm about others, not myself.


and for everyone who didn't read it all, I don't HAVE A.D.D., Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, and Tourette syndrome anymore...well...my hands sometimes still shake...but other than that, I don't have them anymore.

I have to rush somewhere but I'll return and respond to all the PMs, dont worry. edit- I havn't received any PMs...just message me on aim (RpTheHotrod) or MSN (dangearn22@hotmail.com but don't send mail to that address, it isn't checked there)

Thanks for the support, all. Means a lot.

and Ger, no worries bud, that's what I'm here for ;)

obi
06-30-2004, 01:48 PM
Just talked to RP, he's a busy guy. He's doing a million things at once, and he probably will be for a while.

He said to tell you all he's not receiving any PMs, but that may be due to some glitch on the LF server. He says he doesn't want to seem rude by not answering any invisible PMs, so if you want to talk to him, use AIM or MSN.

RpTheHotrod
06-30-2004, 05:03 PM
Aight! Finally home.

Just wanted to say thanks to all, but I have a few things to say.

First, the reason I posted this was so you all will truly know where I was coming from all this time. I didn't post for attention nor to have people feel sorry for me. I just thought it was best that everyone knows the truth, just in case I never had to chance to ever talk about it and it would never be known.

Second, I'm certainly not crazy. I teach at a school, I run a business, I'm in the top 1% at my college, and I'm in an international honors society (Phi Theta Kappa)....and everyone would be entirely shocked if they read this about me. I have a lot of people who know me, and not one would ever suspect this, other than being really good at advice.

Third, I'm not bi-polar, skitz/shiz or whatever and whatnot anymore. I was healed at 18. I am 20 now. I still have all the senses and whatnot, but I no longer "see" things like I did before.


Anyway, I thought it was time that people finally knew what I've struggled with in my life.

Lord Seraph
06-30-2004, 07:35 PM
quote:Originally posted by Lord Seraph
but he muh buddy what u guys mean



Please either shut up or type like a real person over the age of 4 for just this once.

man u real A-hole :)

Anthony
06-30-2004, 08:03 PM
Originally posted by Lord Seraph
man u real A-hole :)

If you have nothing useful to say, then don't say it. God.

Lord Seraph
06-30-2004, 09:01 PM
welp his comment wasnt useful either -.-

jokemaster
06-30-2004, 09:31 PM
Wow.....just wow.


And nice music too RP.

SeleneRayne
06-30-2004, 10:31 PM
Originally posted by Troopr-Undr-Fir
What is there to accept? You are you, and only you were able to tell the tale. That's all that should matter to you. Not what we the swampies think. You are a good man, that is all you need to know.

You know where to find me ;)

I strongly agree. I wish I could give you a hug. :(

Doomie
07-01-2004, 08:25 AM
RP seems to be the happiest person in the thread... I could be wrong, but to me, it looks like that...

Astrotoy7
07-01-2004, 10:04 AM
Originally posted by SeleneRayne
I strongly agree. I wish I could give you a hug. :(

you wanna hug troopr ! ugh ! he throws poop in his sig !

mtfbwya

--ZeeMan--
07-01-2004, 03:19 PM
Originally posted by Doomgiver
RP seems to be the happiest person in the thread... I could be wrong, but to me, it looks like that...

you'd be correct in that and it's a complicated thing to explain but it happens

MennoniteHobbit
07-01-2004, 04:37 PM
Originally posted by Tyrion
That part, actually. But there's no point in doing it now, since it can only hurt Rp right now, and I really don't think he deserves that.

Well if you're talking about wanting him to stop him in believing in God, that is totally his choice. Anyways it doesn't matter.

God bless you RP.

And this thread is too serious for even ME to crack down on Lord Seraphs UNBELIEVABLE typing

Now THIS is funny. But that doesn't change my mood. :(

Mike Windu
07-01-2004, 06:46 PM
My dear God...


RP: I wish I had gotten to know you better, you are such a great guy and don't let anyone else tell you different. I read through your story and it deeply touched me, my mouth was open through the entire thing...

May God's grace be with you in your darkest days.

"There is neither happiness nor misfortune in this world, there is merely the comparison between one state and another, nothing more. Only someone who has suffered the deepest misfortune is capable of experiencing the heights of felicity.... until the day when God deigns to unveil the future to mainkind, all human wisdom is contained in these two words: 'wait' and 'hope'."

I will be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts RP.


Godspeed.

I Like how you see death as freedom, for Death isn't the end at all, it's just the beginning.

I agree, and if death becomes of you, I hope that your death will be as sweet and voluptuous as sleep in a lover's arms, and you have not an ounce of pain.

"The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all change to silver glass...and then you see it. White shores... and beyond. The far green country under a swift sunrise."

You're a good man RP. Don't ever let anyone tell you different.

BigTeddyPaul
07-02-2004, 07:25 AM
Don't know what to say. Sorry? Good luck? I hope you don't waste anything? I have never known what to say to a person who is dying. I realize you aren't on the bed waiting for Last Rites or anything but it is just always hard to come to the realization that we are all on the clock.

I found what made your writing more inspisirng was the music. It really caught the tone of what you were trying to portray.

Karsec Le'Treg? I realize you said you were about 8 when you started seeing this guy but I had a had time grasping Huckleberry Hound and Popeye at that age.

"I eventually got into Public School" - ? Were your parents against you going to public school? I was always told to minister to my friends at school. I knew that only about 3% were Christians in the broadest terms and I never could really go into our beliefs. Some main reasons were I was an ignorant little kid who knew he was going to Hell if he didn't believe in Jesus and nothing more than the rudimentary things they teach you on Sunday. I also went to a Christian private school for my HS so that wasn't a factor. If you got people to listen to you bravo because I never could.



"At the age of seven or eight, I began to develop four minor symptoms of four different syndromes. I developed A.D.D., Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, and tourette."

Sucks to be you is the only thing that came to mind.

Bipolar doesn't usually take hold until around 15+. Very odd of you to have it so early. Going from your writing it doesn't really sound like you had bipolar. Your social life sounded fine. You are/were depressed but it isn't hard to see why. The schizphrenia probably takes into account for your hallucinations. What I would have done is trying to touch them. If you touch a hallucination your mind will register that nothing is really there because there is no physical feeling.


"I was calling God a liar! I always thought that if God wanted me healed, He could and He would heal me. However, if for some reason it was His will for me to have the syndromes, then I would not be healed. God said that I would be healed, thinking otherwise would be calling him a liar."

It might just be me but the part that I don't get is in the last sentence: God said that I would be healed. He did? Did you forget to put that in somewhere or I am not understanding or not read something?


"I repented and asked for forgiveness, and then told God that I would be healed that very night"

Again it might just be me but telling God that you would be healed that night? What would have happened if nothing happened? Telling God that something is going to happen is never a good idea. Also you said you were repenting. What did you repent? From my reading it seems to me that you willed yourself to stop these mental disorders in some manner.


"I would think so fast, always thinking, always problem solving, and never sleeping."

Now that sounds like bipolar. Those are manic signs right there. I can also relate to this problem. Why do you think I am up at 3:30 AM right now? Bipolar is a horrible disease and you can never truly get rid of it. You can grow with it and adapt but so far there is no cure.

You then go on into a little depth about your visionary power. I agree with Csksaber on this one about how you try to make yourself into something beyond normal. Whether it be special, or unique, or even unearthly I do not know but the point I got was that you had this power but couldn't do anything with it. Also your visions seemed to focus on you only. You don't say you got premonitions about people drowning in the river nearby or anything like that. You said YOUR friends blah. Some things can be affected by your own self even if it is subconcious (the friendships part). I remember a great scam I heard of once was when people went to this mystic to find out their fortune she would say that they would come into some money in the near future. They would then leave and the mystic would have one of her flunkies tail them and leave a wallet full of money (not a lot but enough to make them believe her) and they would go back to her believing that she could tell the future. She directly made things happen where you could have possibly inderectly made things happen to suit your dreams.


About the computer thing that is just intuition and possibly superiour skills. Just ask ZBomber and the thrashings I used to give him. I could train people to be better but at the same time there is also a knack that cannot be passed on. Like in hockey they say they cannot teach speed. You can teach puck possession, shooting accuracy, but some things are just with you.

Again you go into some more detail about being an messenger of mercy by saving peoples lives. I do think you are trying to get something across.

This is where you lose some credibility with me: "Some people are great in strength, while some in intelligence. I, however, have a different type of personality. My senses are somewhat heightened and greater than normal, somehow. I walk into a room and I can tell if electronics are on and where they are. If I hear music, I can sit down and immediatly play it out on the piano. I, however, cannot read music. A lot of people come to me for advice because I have unordinary widsom in a lot of matters, and I know how to handle many situations for others. I have very good night vision, and I am very agile, but also decent in strength. Probably due to me working for UPS for awhile. All in all, I am sensitive in things most people arn't even aware of."

You make yourself into some sort of holy man right here. You have the sixth sense. Your are above average in all regards. You can play music on the piano without knowing how to read. I can sometimes here when electronics are on too. The only reason for that is though that I have excellent hearing and I can hear the hum of power or fans in them. Also if you have pets they can some times tip you off a little. Unordinary wisdom? Okay. Good night vision? Agile? Above average strength due to working at UPS. I pray that you are joking with the UPS thing. I laughed when I first read it but you also made it sound like you were serious. Again you tell how super human you are.

The bi thing can be many things. I belive I was born straight because no one taught me to feel sexually attracted to a gender. This makes me believe that it is genetics that drives attraction. From a biblical point of view and depending on what form of Christianity you practice you are in some deep stuff. Homosexuality of any kind is one of the worst things that the Church, in broad terms of The Church, believes in. Your experience at the early age does not go into detail so I cannot tell if the other person was the same age as your or not. If you were molested that could be a major factor in your mental state. From a biblical point of view I would have to say that as long as you do not give into temptation that you are fine. Although thinking about something is bad there are no physical actions to back it up and since we are human we are allowed some leway. You could also look at it that it is another genetic thing. An interesting dilemma that we might soon face is giving the parents the ability to alter their kids genetic material if there was a good chance their kid was gay to make them straight. That last sentence isn't properly made but I am getting tired. Also people of importance in the Bible have done worse. David actually slept with the naked nextdoor chick and did the whole affair thing and muder thing. Also that one guy with his two daughters and the whole impregnation thingy.

"I would hurt myself to heal others"

Ummmm what? Majorly confused on that one.


One of my favorite sayings is: A friend stabs from the front.


"I lived a life of such loneliness and depression"

This is again where I get confused. You say that you were cured of your past illnesses but this is bipolar. You get mood swings which can last forever. Stoic can be a term used to people like in the lower ends. You also said you had friends who could count on you and have said nothing bad about your family so why are you lonely? If it is because you feel isolated due to your conditions that you should have joined some support groups which are offered. If it is for other reasons that I do not believe you have truly made peace with God in your own way. You keep speaking about spirituality but when you have to rely on it you don't.

Not ending you life because of what others may think or act in the future is one of the worst reasons not to. This is when you have to start to be selfish. Also if you are so pained about haing unpure sexual thoughts than you should be having a fit about suicide. Suicide is probably worse than homosexuality because it is final. There is no repentance after that. I do not understand how you could be in an uproar about the bi thing and not about the suicide when it concers religion. If religion is such an important part of your life it has to encompass all not just select parts.

You sort of contradict yourself about how you tried your hardest and best to find someone with the unquestioning love. You however also said earlier that you pushed people away when they were getting close. Again Jesus should fit this spot and if not then maybe your should reevaluate your religious ideals.

I am not trying to start a debate or get anything started. Some of the above is because I had questions. Some I wanted answers. Some I pointed out just in case he wants to make a revision help illustrate his tale better. I hope you know I have always respected you brother and in a lot of ways I can relate. I am merely 6 months older, have minor-minor-schizophrenia, bipolar, and most of the other stuff too. We share some common undenniable characteristics with eachother. I can feel part of your pain and I do not envy you at all because I have defeated most of my demons even though I still CAN NEVER SLEEP. Look it is 4:15 AM. I have been in this thread for a very long time. I wish you the best of what can be expected.



Also someone said something earlier about what would you do if you had a year to live: Watch as many hockey games in person. Watch as many movies at the theater that I could, do my will so my friends all had something special, also have personal writings for everyone involved in my life, I would go visit the Pacific on a more regular basis because I love the Ocean, spend as much time with my cats, get the hell off the computer a lot more than I do now, and finally eat as much pie as often as I could.

EDIT: Wow that is really long. I forgot to say I would get ahold of some of that Levitra stuff because I have always wondered what an 18 hour chubbie felt like.

Paul Zeman
aka BigTeddyPaul

Joetheeskimo
07-02-2004, 11:37 AM
^ Longest post I've ever seen.

Rp, taking a look at your latest post - are you saying you've redeemed yourself and no longer feel like a failure? Or are you just saying it's lessened...?

RpTheHotrod
07-02-2004, 02:05 PM
Aight...questions and answers. I'm putting answers in your quotes




Originally posted by BigTeddyPaul
Don't know what to say. Sorry? Good luck? I hope you don't waste anything? I have never known what to say to a person who is dying. I realize you aren't on the bed waiting for Last Rites or anything but it is just always hard to come to the realization that we are all on the clock.

I found what made your writing more inspisirng was the music. It really caught the tone of what you were trying to portray.

Karsec Le'Treg? I realize you said you were about 8 when you started seeing this guy but I had a had time grasping Huckleberry
Hound and Popeye at that age.

Not everyone is alike



"I eventually got into Public School" - ? Were your parents against you going to public school? I was always told to minister to my friends at school. I knew that only about 3% were Christians in the broadest terms and I never could really go into our beliefs. Some main reasons were I was an ignorant little kid who knew he was going to Hell if he didn't believe in Jesus and nothing more than the rudimentary things they teach you on Sunday. I also went to a Christian private school for my HS so that wasn't a factor. If you got people to listen to you bravo because I never could.

We moved all the time, so I was never able to be in public school much

"At the age of seven or eight, I began to develop four minor symptoms of four different syndromes. I developed A.D.D., Bi-Polar, schizophrenia, and tourette."

Sucks to be you is the only thing that came to mind.

Bipolar doesn't usually take hold until around 15+. Very odd of you to have it so early. Going from your writing it doesn't really sound like you had bipolar. Your social life sounded fine. You are/were depressed but it isn't hard to see why. The schizphrenia probably takes into account for your hallucinations. What I would have done is trying to touch them. If you touch a hallucination your mind will register that nothing is really there because there is no physical feeling.

I said symptoms and started to develop


"I was calling God a liar! I always thought that if God wanted me healed, He could and He would heal me. However, if for some reason it was His will for me to have the syndromes, then I would not be healed. God said that I would be healed, thinking otherwise would be calling him a liar."

It might just be me but the part that I don't get is in the last sentence: God said that I would be healed. He did? Did you forget to put that in somewhere or I am not understanding or not read something?

Read your Bible, then you'll get it.


"I repented and asked for forgiveness, and then told God that I would be healed that very night"

Again it might just be me but telling God that you would be healed that night? What would have happened if nothing happened? Telling God that something is going to happen is never a good idea. Also you said you were repenting. What did you repent? From my reading it seems to me that you willed yourself to stop these mental disorders in some manner.

Something did happen. That's all that matters. I told God that something would happen. It's called faith. Since when is faith illegal in the Bible? I repented because I believed that it was God's will for me to have the problems.

"I would think so fast, always thinking, always problem solving, and never sleeping."

Now that sounds like bipolar. Those are manic signs right there. I can also relate to this problem. Why do you think I am up at 3:30 AM right now? Bipolar is a horrible disease and you can never truly get rid of it. You can grow with it and adapt but so far there is no cure.

Talk to the doctors, I was cured.

You then go on into a little depth about your visionary power. I agree with Csksaber on this one about how you try to make yourself into something beyond normal. Whether it be special, or unique, or even unearthly I do not know but the point I got was that you had this power but couldn't do anything with it. Also your visions seemed to focus on you only. You don't say you got premonitions about people drowning in the river nearby or anything like that. You said YOUR friends blah. Some things can be affected by your own self even if it is subconcious (the friendships part). I remember a great scam I heard of once was when people went to this mystic to find out their fortune she would say that they would come into some money in the near future. They would then leave and the mystic would have one of her flunkies tail them and leave a wallet full of money (not a lot but enough to make them believe her) and they would go back to her believing that she could tell the future. She directly made things happen where you could have possibly inderectly made things happen to suit your dreams.

As I said, my mind puts things together for a POSSIBLE future. Just logic. Why on earth would my mind be worrying about people I don't even know exist? However, I have had "visions" before...and that hasn't always been with those I knew.

About the computer thing that is just intuition and possibly superiour skills. Just ask ZBomber and the thrashings I used to give him. I could train people to be better but at the same time there is also a knack that cannot be passed on. Like in hockey they say they cannot teach speed. You can teach puck possession, shooting accuracy, but some things are just with you.

I entirely agree. I know their next move just based on psychology and how they think.

Again you go into some more detail about being an messenger of mercy by saving peoples lives. I do think you are trying to get something across.

Messenger of mercy? I'm just being there for others. Why is this wrong?


This is where you lose some credibility with me: "Some people are great in strength, while some in intelligence. I, however, have a different type of personality. My senses are somewhat heightened and greater than normal, somehow. I walk into a room and I can tell if electronics are on and where they are. If I hear music, I can sit down and immediatly play it out on the piano. I, however, cannot read music. A lot of people come to me for advice because I have unordinary widsom in a lot of matters, and I know how to handle many situations for others. I have very good night vision, and I am very agile, but also decent in strength. Probably due to me working for UPS for awhile. All in all, I am sensitive in things most people arn't even aware of."

You make yourself into some sort of holy man right here. You have the sixth sense. Your are above average in all regards. You can play music on the piano without knowing how to read. I can sometimes here when electronics are on too. The only reason for that is though that I have excellent hearing and I can hear the hum of power or fans in them. Also if you have pets they can some times tip you off a little. Unordinary wisdom? Okay. Good night vision? Agile? Above average strength due to working at UPS. I pray that you are joking with the UPS thing. I laughed when I first read it but you also made it sound like you were serious. Again you tell how super human you are.

If I was bragging, you all would have known a long time before this. As for my personal self, that is all true. My senses are a lot higher than normal. I mentioned UPS because normally there is a balance. The weak nerds that are super smart....or the beef-headed football players....and everyone in between. I'm on a different scale. Instead of just smarts vs strength, I have high senses and whatnot. Those with that are normally weak, but I'm not...and probably because of working at UPS causing a regular "workout".

The bi thing can be many things. I belive I was born straight because no one taught me to feel sexually attracted to a gender. This makes me believe that it is genetics that drives attraction. From a biblical point of view and depending on what form of Christianity you practice you are in some deep stuff. Homosexuality of any kind is one of the worst things that the Church, in broad terms of The Church, believes in. Your experience at the early age does not go into detail so I cannot tell if the other person was the same age as your or not. If you were molested that could be a major factor in your mental state. From a biblical point of view I would have to say that as long as you do not give into temptation that you are fine. Although thinking about something is bad there are no physical actions to back it up and since we are human we are allowed some leway. You could also look at it that it is another genetic thing. An interesting dilemma that we might soon face is giving the parents the ability to alter their kids genetic material if there was a good chance their kid was gay to make them straight. That last sentence isn't properly made but I am getting tired. Also people of importance in the Bible have done worse. David actually slept with the naked nextdoor chick and did the whole affair thing and muder thing. Also that one guy with his two daughters and the whole impregnation thingy.

We were the same age


"I would hurt myself to heal others"

Ummmm what? Majorly confused on that one.

I made sacrifices just to make sure others made it okay


One of my favorite sayings is: A friend stabs from the front.


"I lived a life of such loneliness and depression"

This is again where I get confused. You say that you were cured of your past illnesses but this is bipolar. You get mood swings which can last forever. Stoic can be a term used to people like in the lower ends. You also said you had friends who could count on you and have said nothing bad about your family so why are you lonely? If it is because you feel isolated due to your conditions that you should have joined some support groups which are offered. If it is for other reasons that I do not believe you have truly made peace with God in your own way. You keep speaking about spirituality but when you have to rely on it you don't.

Loneliness has nothing to do with bi-polar. If you move all the time and are not allowed to hang with ANYONE because of your parents....you get lonely and depressed

Not ending you life because of what others may think or act in the future is one of the worst reasons not to. This is when you have to start to be selfish. Also if you are so pained about haing unpure sexual thoughts than you should be having a fit about suicide. Suicide is probably worse than homosexuality because it is final. There is no repentance after that. I do not understand how you could be in an uproar about the bi thing and not about the suicide when it concers religion. If religion is such an important part of your life it has to encompass all not just select parts.

Two reasons I won't kill myself. One I mentioned, the other I did not. Reason 2 is....I hate to stand in front of a ticked off God asking me why I checked out early. *shudder*

You sort of contradict yourself about how you tried your hardest and best to find someone with the unquestioning love. You however also said earlier that you pushed people away when they were getting close. Again Jesus should fit this spot and if not then maybe your should reevaluate your religious ideals.

I pushed people away because of WANTING to be close. I didn't push them away myself. I did things that wanted THEM to leave....I was too dependant on them.

I am not trying to start a debate or get anything started. Some of the above is because I had questions. Some I wanted answers. Some I pointed out just in case he wants to make a revision help illustrate his tale better. I hope you know I have always respected you brother and in a lot of ways I can relate. I am merely 6 months older, have minor-minor-schizophrenia, bipolar, and most of the other stuff too. We share some common undenniable characteristics with eachother. I can feel part of your pain and I do not envy you at all because I have defeated most of my demons even though I still CAN NEVER SLEEP. Look it is 4:15 AM. I have been in this thread for a very long time. I wish you the best of what can be expected.



Also someone said something earlier about what would you do if you had a year to live: Watch as many hockey games in person. Watch as many movies at the theater that I could, do my will so my friends all had something special, also have personal writings for everyone involved in my life, I would go visit the Pacific on a more regular basis because I love the Ocean, spend as much time with my cats, get the hell off the computer a lot more than I do now, and finally eat as much pie as often as I could.

EDIT: Wow that is really long. I forgot to say I would get ahold of some of that Levitra stuff because I have always wondered what an 18 hour chubbie felt like.

Paul Zeman
aka BigTeddyPaul

Crazy_dog no.3
07-02-2004, 03:38 PM
I kind of hesistated to post on this thread (not sure what to say)So this is pretty simple: I'll miss you when/if you're gone. :(

I like the music BTW. Max Payne right?

Samuel Dravis
07-02-2004, 04:16 PM
Originally posted by Crazy_dog no.3
I like the music BTW. Max Payne right? Yes, what is that music from?

RpTheHotrod
07-02-2004, 05:20 PM
It was originally based off of man payne 1, a piano song. I was working on a newer version of it...but then they released max payne 2 with an updated song....so I just decided to go with that instead of my own.

so....

max payne 2

Kusanavi
07-02-2004, 05:21 PM
I'm in the same situation as Crazy_dog, I don't know what to say either but we'll all miss you when/if you're gone :( . Yes, the music is Max Payne 2's Theme Song, you can download it from their main site.

BigTeddyPaul
07-02-2004, 06:44 PM
Instead of copying all that I will just write your responses.


"Read your Bible, then you will get it"

I have read my Bible many times over. I have even read some Apocrypha a couple times over just in case we were supposed to read some of that. Jesus and other have healed the body but the Bible only promises spiritual healing through Christ because this body is ultimately moot.


"Something did happen. That's all that matters. I told God that something would happen. It's called faith. Since when is faith illegal in the Bible? I repented because I believed that it was God's will for me to have the problems."

I believe my question was what would have happened if it didn't? Would the Devil finally have won you over? It is not a good thing to challenge God because His plan and yours don't always match up.

Was it God's will for you to have problems? Is it because of Sin that you have problems or God? God might have allowed it but was it part of his plan? Those are more questions that I always pose to people who believe everything is God's will. I sometimes feel that it isn't necessarrily God's will but merely that he allowed it for the failiure of the First Christ.

I have been told the story about the recently converted biker man with tatoos all over and a life full of sin. His new pastor asks him to pray for the congregation and he goes up and says, "Thank you for this F day God. Without your blessings we would all be Satan's B." There is always artistic lisense but I hope you get the idea. Now the question comes in a few ways: Is cussing a sin? If it is a sin was the man still sinning even though he didn't know he was sinning? Same could be said for you. Were you sinning because you blamed God that you thought his will was not to allow you to be healed but weren't aware of this sin if it is even considered sin?


Lonliness can have a lot to do with bipolar. Most people with bipolar have a horrible social life. They are more withdrawn from society and also do not trust others as much as a normal person.


I know there are some forms of Christianity and even other religions who believe in ending your life as the ultimate sin which sometimes cannot be absolved. The thinking is that you are messing with what God has in store.


One of the hardest things I have had to endure is the death of my cousin who is actually your age. We were both 17 and in the same grade and out of about 500 family members who came to see eachother regularly (my grandmother was the eldest of 15 kids so I have a big family) we grew together the most. When she wasa 17 she found out she had leukemia sp? and found out she had 6 months to leave. To her credit she still went to school and acted out her life as if she was not sick for as long as she could. The only thing that was really different was I would go and visist her for the weekends.


BTP