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Sabretooth
08-12-2004, 08:49 AM
OK, not supposed to be great or anything, just my shot, rate me! (bad ratings accepted)

Well this is based loosely on the Metallica's Unforgiven tune, but well, here it goes...

The Unforgiven Pain
--------------------

Never real,
Never sealed,
I'll break you into two,

The Light of God,
The Dark Rod,
I'm seeking for you...

My past is shrouded there,
In mystery and pain,
I've been wandering for years,
Through land, sea and even rain.

Seeking revenge for years,
I find you in despair,
Fearing me or my might,
You try to run to your lair,
But you can't hide...

And the nightmares have just begun....

Never real,
Never Sealed,
I'll Break you into two.

The Dark Age,
Is upon you,
For the evil I'm going to do...

My suffering is reflected,
On your miserable soul,
I will trap you in the pain,
Until you are sold...

I can see the fear in your eyes,
My satisfaction builds up,
And all your old lies,
Engulfed in paroxysm...
And your freedom I take away....

Never False...


Never real,
Never Sealed,
I'll make you suffer too,

The Anguish,
The Agony,
It's on you if I'm given,

The Rod of Pain,
The Rod of Death,
I'll make you Unforgiven

You made me,
I'll make you,
Suffer Doom,
And ride through hell,

But you are still Unforgiven...

Doomie
08-12-2004, 09:03 AM
I'd say Average/Good, but since that option isn't there, i'll vote average.

IG-64
08-12-2004, 09:06 AM
I gave it average, because its good but not.. well, you got what I mean, and not bad at all, so, its avreage.

Astrotoy7
08-12-2004, 09:24 AM
C'mon Sabre, no one wants Metallica anymore, give us some Bollywood Magic man...... :D :p

I voted Bad because I HATE METALLICA WITH A DARK & EVIL FURY !!! Nothing personal against you, our beloved general :D

mtfbwya

Lynk Former
08-12-2004, 09:29 AM
Wings spread
Time shreds
The past disappears
The future ascends
Yet you keep falling to your death

XD there's my sad attempt... I can't be bothered doin a proper one :p

legameboy
08-12-2004, 10:01 AM
Roses are red
Violets are blue
What the hell
Violets are purple

Awesome.

Sabretooth
08-12-2004, 10:53 AM
Originally posted by Astrotoy7
C'mon Sabre, no one wants Metallica anymore, give us some Bollywood Magic man...... :D :p

I voted Bad because I HATE METALLICA WITH A DARK & EVIL FURY !!! Nothing personal against you, our beloved general :D

mtfbwya

:eyeraise:

Ha. Dumb Oaf. HAHAHA. What? Never mind me...

Curt-Man
08-12-2004, 02:38 PM
ive written many poems, mainly to girls, that ive never given, i am ashamed... anywho, this is one

danielle your hair is like the golden sunrise
your eyes are like the saffire skies
your laugh is music to my ears
ive wanted you for years
danielle danielle, your name rings in my mind like a bell
without you i'd go through hell
danielle, you are an angel form above
and you are the one i love.

there was more and different lines too, but i have forgotten them, and no i don't like her anymore, she totally rejected me when i gave her that, it was funny.

Pie™
08-12-2004, 08:11 PM
It wasn't bad, but I didn't really see what exactly it was about

I've written quite a few poems too, they're in my DeviantArt Account (http://deviantart.ravenhearted.com) if anyone cares :p

You should really try to put more feeling into your poems though, and if you feel really isnpired by a emotion, you should try to get it into words :)

I voted average btw ;)

Lynk Former
08-12-2004, 09:05 PM
everyones a poet when they're in love XD

Mike Windu
08-12-2004, 09:11 PM
Cept me, cause I don't write love poems. They're too sappy.

If you want to take a peek at my poems...

www.fictionpress.com/~JinRagnarok

Enjoy the reading!

Evil Dark Jedi
08-15-2004, 05:00 AM
Is say average