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View Full Version : Farkin' Gross, Mang!


CapNColostomy
11-04-2004, 12:55 AM
So here's the deal. What's the single most disgusting thing that EVER happened to you that isn't either

A: So embarrising you dare not admit to it, even with the anonymity of the internet guarding you like a pit bull on crack.

or

B: So foul, that it cannot be spoken of on a "family friendly" forum.

Okay, you talked me into it. I'll go first. One time I was drinking beer by the can and the fistfulls at a party of sorts. There was a large circle shaped coffee table in the middle of the living room where I was sitting. I had to use the restroom, and I have this illogical phobia of taking food or drinks to the toilet with me, so I made note of the large round table in my mind. In the general area of study there were three beer cans, with the exact same markings as the one I held in my hand. But the table was huge, so I spotted a wide open area to sit mine in whilst I visited the latrine, and sat my beer down. First mistake.

Upon returning from the pooh-room, I scanned the table for my beer. And there it sat, just as I'd left it. Or so I'd thought. Second mistake. So I pick up my beer and pull back a humongous slug of frosty barley pop, and to my suprise there was an extra bonus lump of something in my beer. Now, before I go any further, I think it's important to point out to all the non-drinkers and smokers here, that when you take a drink from a can of beer,and feel something extra hit your tongue you almost always automatically assume that someone put their cigarette out in your drink. I did just that. Third mistake.

I remained calm. Afterall, this had happened several times. I resisted the urge to gag or spit, and simply got up without cursing, and went to the kitchen sink. Upon arival at said sink, I spat the mouthful of beer out and the extra deluxe bonus feature cigarette butt chunk into the sink. The only problem, was that it wasn't a cigarette butt at all. But instead, a delicious morcel of used Band-Aid. It even landed "sunny side up" so's to further impede my efforts to hold back the vomit.

So now it's your turn. C'mon and try and top that. Really gross me out, and be honest. And don't get a ban warning or a thread closing if you can help it. ;)

IG-64
11-04-2004, 01:31 AM
One day (years ago, I was maybe 11 or 12 at the time), I decided to visit a local grassy ditch with my brother to race paper boats we had pre-made. We had a very fun time and stayed there for quite awile. Once we decided to retire back to our house we layed around awile, I got hungry and decided to fix some cheerios. Now, heres where the gross part comes in. Eating said cheerios I felt a lump on the right side of my neck. Assuming it was a scab I felt around it and started to pick at it. After awile I peeled it off and looked at it. What did I see? The flailing legs of a now rather ill-tempered tick. I immediately dropped it and ran, crying, to my parents, who then asked me where it was, I said I didn't know, and that it was in the kitchen somewhere. After looking for it they looked on me, they found it on my pant leg. It was rather large, and from what I could see at the time it was black, with a white spot in the middle. They then took it and killed it. I can remember it vividly still, where I was sitting at the table, the exact spot on my neck t was, the flailing legs, the white spot in the middle. It makes my shiver to think of it now. I now have a phobia of ticks, and actually have had 2 more ticks after that time on me, smaller ones, from our counry property. It's strange that my brother has never got them, hes always there doing the same activities as I when they get on me.

Boba Rhett
11-04-2004, 01:36 AM
:indif: I got 16+ ticks while building my brothers barn in Missouri last summer. Suck it up. :p

IG-64
11-04-2004, 01:39 AM
Originally posted by Boba Rhett
:indif: I got 16+ ticks while building my brothers barn in Missouri last summer. Suck it up. :p

*Shrivels up into a ball and dies*


You have to admit the flailing legs thing is gross :p

Btw, I believe this (http://eos2.eng.auburn.edu/westward-2003/03-06-04/tick.jpg) was it.



[EDIT] This is post #306666 in Yoda's Swamp, therefore it is possesed by the evil 6's muaahaahahahhaahaha!

El Sitherino
11-04-2004, 02:30 AM
it didn't happen to me, but I happend to see it sadly. (has now learned to knock before entering a room)
my friend was doing the nasty with his girlfriend and she- Too. Much. Information. -rhett

Boba Rhett
11-04-2004, 02:50 AM
We used to have a problem with our middle bathroom toilet backing up into the air escape which would then run it down into the heating system for whatever reason. Well, when this first started my older brother was going to the bathroom upstairs and had just flushed. I was walking along my marry way in our basement when I hear water. All of a sudden, "water" is gushing out of a seal on one of our air returns. I, being the llittle boy scout that I am, rushed to it to try and avert disaster and begin catching it in my outstretched and cupped hands while it's splattering all over me.

This went on for about 45 seconds until I realised I had bits of toilet paper stuck on my hands, died inside, then stepped back from the trickling stream of arse water.

IG-64
11-04-2004, 02:59 AM
Originally posted by InsaneSith
it didn't happen to me, but I happend to see it sadly. (has now learned to knock before entering a room)
my friend was doing the nasty with his girlfriend and she- Too. Much. Information. -rhett

Dang it Rhett, you have to make me curious :xp:

Astrotoy7
11-04-2004, 03:26 AM
gee, I wouldnt know where to start....I woirked in a public hospital for 3 years, which stories would you like, red, yellow or brown :D

mtfbwya

jon_hill987
11-04-2004, 04:04 AM
Red please, yellow and brown tend to be too puke inducing.

I hate ticks aswell, here's one for you IG

http://helium.vancouver.wsu.edu/~lindblad/paralysistick.html

Dosn't Austrailia have the nicest animals?

IG-64
11-04-2004, 04:08 AM
Originally posted by jon_hill987
Red please, yellow and brown tend to be too puke inducing.


Aww but those are the best ones :p

jon_hill987
11-04-2004, 04:39 AM
Ok, just thought of one. it goes into the "red" pile, and yellow...ish.

when I was at primary school, about 10 yrs old. there was a kid in the yr below me with a wart on his thumb. one day during assembly it burst showering all of the surrounding people with blood and puss, (see said it was red and yellow) anyway lots of screems and kids allmost being sick followed. I was 2 or 3 rows back so I avoided being covered.

ckcsaber
11-04-2004, 05:43 AM
Once I found 2 leeches underneath my clothes while I was living in Indonesia. It freaked me out, because at first I thought they were mud stains or something. So I tried to "wipe" it off and they began to pulsate. I freaked out for 2 minutes before I actually pulled them off....

XD

Leper Messiah
11-04-2004, 05:57 AM
*tries to find one word to describe thread*

GRIM

ET Warrior
11-04-2004, 08:45 AM
This one time I tripped over an IV and blood shot over EVERYONE.


<_<



Okay, I stole that from Scrubs....it never happened :(



I actually can't think of any embarrassing stories to tell...:giveup:

Rogue15
11-04-2004, 09:09 AM
well it's not really gross but while i was at basic...after we did our land nav course, we go to our gear, and i see a big-ass spider on my kevlar helmet, i kick it and it disappears...i think 'GREAT!', but when i examined the helmet nothing was there...so i'm like 'damn little bitch...' and put the kevlar on anyways...we march to the bivuac (camp) site, and it's like totally dark out, and while we are setting up the tent...this huge thing drops out of my kevlar and lands on my hand, i quickly clench my fist and it took alot of effort not to scream and sound like a girl. It scared the living **** out of me though.

Spider AL
11-04-2004, 10:17 AM
Scared of insects eh. Wimps. :p

Besides, this is about disgusting things that happened to one, not things that just freaked one out.

Hmm.

Oh yeah! Someone hid a lump of broccoli in my glass of milk one christmas when I was much younger, when I left it unattended.

I quite like broccoli, but it was the fact that I found a lump of something green, and wierd in my drink when I slugged the milk back, that caused me to run to the nearest sink and spew half-digested turkey into it.

I only found out exactly what the green lump had been after my guts calmed down a bit. Wasn't as disgusting as it had first appeared, and turned out to be a waste of a good turkey dinner.

I never did find out which of my family put the broccoli in there.

One day, they will pay. :mad:

Rogue15
11-04-2004, 10:31 AM
you'd be scared too if you thought it was a brown recluse. It had 2 black stripes down its back. And brown recluses aren't uncommon in Ft. Leonardwood, Missouri. XD

Spider AL
11-04-2004, 11:10 AM
No, I wouldn't. And violin spiders don't have two black stripes on their backs...

Datheus
11-04-2004, 03:07 PM
Originally posted by Spider AL
No, I wouldn't. And violin spiders don't have two black stripes on their backs...

Apparently you haven't seen pictures of what a brown recluse can do to your skin.

Necrosis is not fun.

Spider AL
11-04-2004, 03:15 PM
Apparently you haven't seen pictures of what a brown recluse can do to your skin.Lol. Apparently Datheus, I've been an amateur arachnologist since I was five, and therefore I don't require a lecture on necrotoxic venom.

And I've overcome my fear of spiders. If I saw a spider on my kevlar helmet, I wouldn't go-jelly-legged and try to kill it until I'd determined whether it was dangerous or not. If it was dangerous or even possibly dangerous, I'd have killed it in a far more deliberate, efficient way than Rogue15 attempted. Thus it wouldn't have survived and dropped onto me later on... QED tbh.

Datheus
11-04-2004, 03:21 PM
Great. You've got balls that clank. Good for you. And I've been an amateur gynacologist since I was five. So I know a thing or two about being a pussy.

I will indiscriminately destroy any spider I come across.

Troopr-Undr-Fir
11-04-2004, 03:35 PM
My grandparents had a pool party at their house for the whole neighborhood last year. They invited me and my friends... So we could watch all the kids while they went to the store :rolleyes:.

The kids start to be all rowdy and what not. So I decide to calm them down by doing some arrial dives from the porch into the pool. And the last one when I got into the pool, one of the kids asked me to walk on my hands under the water. I do and I'm walking, and I then feel something squishy. I'm thinking it was a leaf. I look at my hand... And a nice chunk of children feces falls from my palm.

Yeah :indif:

DarthBuzzard
11-04-2004, 03:44 PM
Well, it wasn't mine, I did it to someone. I took some of that fake puke mix, made fake puke, put in rotten food, let it ferment, and took it to the movie theatre. I stood on a balcony and dumped...my puke made more puke, and most of the theatre lost their lunch...:(

@rhett...now im curious what IS's thing was...:mad:

Shok_Tinoktin
11-04-2004, 04:01 PM
Originally posted by DarthBuzzard
@rhett...now im curious what IS's thing was...:mad:

You don't want to know.

Kurgan
11-04-2004, 04:14 PM
Can't believe I'm replying to this one, but here goes:

I was out on my very first job, ever, detassling corn! Yes, I live in Iowa. Detassling involves going down the rows and ripping off the top part of the plant as part of the cycle. Anyway...

One day, towards the end of the project, I was walking along, and on this farm they had some pigs (sing the song).

So you could smell the pig manure, and it was bad. So I was walking down a row and I saw what looked, to me like a wet puddle down the row. Since I was all hot and sweaty anyway, and this was a dirty job, and I had steel toed work boots on, I just walked through it.

Unfortunately, the "puddle" which appeared at first glance to be less than an inch deep, was actually about a foot deep. SPLASH! Looking up, I saw that there was a "lagoon" for the pigs up on a slight rise, and there was a "breach" in it, that had run down into the corn field. The hot sun had dried a "skin" on the top, to make it appear shallow.

So here I was, halfway to my knees in liquid pig sh*t. It took me a split second to realize it wasn't mud. Huge swarm of flies then attacked me.

I immediately headed to the port-a-potty and wiped as much off my boots as I could. Having a pocket knife with me, I cut the legs off my jeans and threw them away (the cut off parts, not my legs, and not my jeans). I sat on the back of the bus on the way home... heh

TheOutrider
11-04-2004, 04:22 PM
It was a really cold and stormy night where I lived, I was cold so I went and made me some hot chocolate. I drank some and put it down on the table so I could got to the bathroom. It took me 20 minutes(Just kidding, or not I can't remember)to do it. When I got out I headed for my chocolate, I took one drink and felt something solid. I didn't swallow the thing, it was wiggling. I took it out of my mouth and guess what it was...

A COCKROACH BLEEGHH AND IT WIGGLED

Thats pretty gross

IG-64
11-04-2004, 04:23 PM
Originally posted by JediDüde
It was a really cold and stormy night where I lived, I was cold so I went and made me some hot chocolate. I drank some and put it down on the table so I could got to the bathroom. It took me 20 minutes(Just kidding, or not I can't remember)to do it. When I got out I headed for my chocolate, I took one drink and felt something solid. I didn't swallow the thing, it was wiggling. I took it out of my mouth and guess what it was...

A COCKROACH BLEEGHH AND IT WIGGLED

Thats pretty gross


Oh dear Lord and all that is holy! :barf:

TheOutrider
11-04-2004, 04:26 PM
Originally posted by IG-64
Oh dear Lord and all that is holy! :barf: Come to think of it, the roach tasted like berries that danced in your mouth

IG-64
11-04-2004, 04:41 PM
Originally posted by JediDüde
Come to think of it, the roach tasted like berries that danced in your mouth

That's probably just you getting high on it's disgusting roach juices.





Mmmmmmmmm... Roach juices... :drool1:

Spider AL
11-04-2004, 04:45 PM
I got another one. I dropped a chocolate chip cookie on the floor a few years back, and being a conservative soul who doesn't like to waste good food, I picked it up and dusted it off. I looked at it, then popped it into my mouth and chewed it enthusiastically.

For some reason though, I hadn't seen the huge and ergy dustball that was attached to it, made up of dog hair, regular house dust (but thick) and unidentifiable crunchy bits.

It took an hour before I removed the last dog hair from between my teeth. I haven't eaten anything that dropped onto any surface since, no matter how clean-looking that surface might be.

A COCKROACH BLEEGHH AND IT WIGGLED Oooh! Protein.

Great. You've got balls that clank.Finally, someone understands Spider AL.

IG-64
11-04-2004, 04:50 PM
Touch ground = throw away.

http://img28.exs.cx/img28/6448/3beaver2.jpg

Ugh, just to think of all the feet and gunk and nastyness

Spider AL
11-04-2004, 04:51 PM
Touch ground = throw away.Oh sure, you tell me NOW... Where were you three years ago? :(

Mike Windu
11-04-2004, 06:02 PM
Originally posted by Spider AL
Oh sure, you tell me NOW... Where were you three years ago? :(


Throwing dog hair on your floor.





:D




I haven't really had any gross moments... other than... nope, can't think of anything.

SeleneRayne
11-04-2004, 09:00 PM
A few weeks ago, I was feeding my 5 month old nephew. I thought my brother sitting next to me was farting, (gross) and I started to feel something really warm and squishy on my legs where the baby was. And to my horror, my nephew had **** and it had went out of his diaper, all up his back, and on my legs. And it wasn't my brother farting, it was his son, my nephew!

Ewww :indif:

Rogue15
11-04-2004, 09:54 PM
Originally posted by Spider AL
Lol. Apparently Datheus, I've been an amateur arachnologist since I was five, and therefore I don't require a lecture on necrotoxic venom.

And I've overcome my fear of spiders. If I saw a spider on my kevlar helmet, I wouldn't go-jelly-legged and try to kill it until I'd determined whether it was dangerous or not. If it was dangerous or even possibly dangerous, I'd have killed it in a far more deliberate, efficient way than Rogue15 attempted. Thus it wouldn't have survived and dropped onto me later on... QED tbh.


:rolleyes:

you>me

:rolleyes:

Astrotoy7
11-05-2004, 07:33 AM
Originally posted by Kurgan
....Yes, I live in Iowa......

what ! you too ! I thought you lived at the Dawn of Time, which is much cooler.... So do you, Rhett and Chase go cow tossing :)

mtfbwya

Mex
11-05-2004, 08:42 AM
Originally posted by Astrotoy7
Rhett and Chase go cow tossing


That sounds very, very, very disturbing. Anyways, nothing gross has happened to me, exept when a massive fly went straight into my eye and got stuck. Ugh.

jon_hill987
11-05-2004, 09:12 AM
Originally posted by Astrotoy7
So do you, Rhett and Chase go cow tossing :)


I hope for everyones sake you mean that in a cow throwing way, and not in any other sort of way like a (self edited coz i knew it would be) sort of way.

Though I knew some one who's job was to (the other way) pigs to collect it for AI.

Darth Groovy
11-05-2004, 02:48 PM
Originally posted by Astrotoy7
what ! you too ! I thought you lived at the Dawn of Time, which is much cooler.... So do you, Rhett and Chase go cow tossing :)

mtfbwya

*pssst* Where else in the world would there still be Highlander fans? :D

Not gross, but embarasing. I remember when I was about 16, I was at this water park. I kept going down this giant twisted water slide, and I remember walking past these two girls, that kept gigling but didn't say anything, I thought it was a flirt, but come to find out, the entire back side of my swim trunks were gone. Apparently that slide was a bit much for the fabric. I ran for my towell, b lined to the showers and have been scarred for life ever since.

Spider AL
11-05-2004, 02:54 PM
I ran for my towell, b lined to the showers and have been scarred for life ever since.Kinda like a bad dream, huh. :(

I've been pretty lucky that way. I haven't done too many embarrassing things.

Well, I haven't been caught doing any embarassing things. :D

Acrylic
11-05-2004, 03:12 PM
My dogs got sprayed by a skunk the night before. As if thats not gross enough, it seems that the smell went on my clothes, and I dindt know. So, I was at school yesterday, and my friend said "Dude...you smell like, I can;t describe it. Like Rubber Cement, or like garbage or something.."
And I was thinking "Oh ****. The smell went on my clothes?!!!? ****!!!"

Well, I took my shirt off, and my friend had a couple shirts on so he let me wear one of his. So,I put his on. And well, I took a sniff of my other shirt, and sure enough it smelled like skunk.

It seems that afterwards, I still smelled, because a few people told me that I smelled. Needless to say, I went home halfway through the day. And I didn't go to school today, in fear of smelling...

At least, and thank God, I avoided the ladies. Cept, I told one of them about my dilemma, and they were like "Jeez!!! Its not that big of a deal!!!!" But still, I didnt feel like testing my luck.

Thats the worst day of my life in the last couple years.

Pie™
11-05-2004, 03:17 PM
Originally posted by Acrylic
Thats the worst day of my life in the last couple years. If that's the worst day in a couple of years, I'd say you're pretty lucky...

I can't come up with anything special at the top of my head... :/

MADD>uB<
11-05-2004, 04:03 PM
Originally posted by Astrotoy7
So do you, Rhett and Chase go cow tossing


Originally posted by jon_hill987
I hope for everyones sake you mean that in a cow throwing way, and not in any other sort of way like a (self edited coz i knew it would be) sort of way.


I hope you both mean "Cow Tipping" , cause I don't even want to know what jon_hill is talking about .
Although astro's idea is intriguing...........just imagine 3 guys in the middle of the night trying to lift and throw a 1300 lb. cow :lol:

Acrylic
11-05-2004, 04:10 PM
Originally posted by Pie™
If that's the worst day in a couple of years, I'd say you're pretty lucky...


Well, also, today a girl I like, in her journal, after me commenting told me to "stop being so smelly, then come back to school" or something, even though I didnt see her the whole day. I seriously feel like my life is ruined.

narfblat
11-05-2004, 04:37 PM
I've heard that a bath in vinegar can help get rid of the smell(My brother said it was vinegar that makes tomato juice remove skunk smell.) That will make you smell like vinegar for a little while, but it should remove the smell.

Acrylic
11-05-2004, 04:44 PM
Originally posted by narfblat
I've heard that a bath in vinegar can help get rid of the smell(My brother said it was vinegar that makes tomato juice remove skunk smell.) That will make you smell like vinegar for a little while, but it should remove the smell.

Well, thing is, I didn't get sprayed. But maybe I'll spray down my dogs in vinegar...

Darth Groovy
11-06-2004, 03:21 AM
I just thought of something gross, but it sounds like it comes out of a movie, yet true all the same.

One of my buddies weighed about 300 pounds when I was in junior high, but he was a good freind, he had a great sence of humor, and would always be there for you in a jam.

There was this one kid that used to piss me his name was Eric Macki. He was your a-typical brain child, honors student who would never pass the chance at making somebody feel less superior than he, yet he INSISTED on sitting at OUR table, because I always sat at the geek table. I have always had a profound love for the geeks and cast aways, because most of them are just misunderstood. Anyways, iI got tired of Eric being a constant pedantic, and made the mistake of saying "just once I'd like to nail that Eric Macki kid right where it counts. Jeff my 300LB friend lit up and said "watch this!" Anyways Eric goes and grabs a Burger, then runs off to go get some ketch-up and napkins. While Eric is away, Jeff snorts and coughs and spits the largest goober I have EVER seen in my life onto Eric's berger, and neatly places the bun back on top. We play along and go back to our conversation, Eric comes back and adds his ketchup to the gooey mess, and takes a bite. Suddenly Jeff stops in mid sentance as Eric bites a HUGE chunk out of his sandwich and immediately pukes in his plate, then we tell Eric what he just ate, and he himself pukes on the table, then my other buddies the Sanders Twins both puke on the table, the rest of us ran out of the building. We all got in trouble, Eric never sat with us again, and I could not eat hamburgers for a long, long time. Sounds like something out of Stand Bye Me but I tell you these things DO happen. However this all happened BEFORE that movie came out. Farkin gross mang...