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starmark2k
11-29-2004, 11:54 AM
O.K we're all geeks here so lets tell our geekiest jokes.

What did the jedi say to the astronaught
May the force be with you

(i didn't say they had to be funny)

Darth333
11-29-2004, 12:00 PM
Originally posted by starmark2k
(i didn't say they had to be funny) ah! I was wondering :rolleyes:

Is windowze a Virus? (http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/article09-115)

...and the Geek way of finding geek jokes (http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=%22geek+jokes&meta=)

Boba Rhett
11-29-2004, 12:36 PM
Why did the robot cross the road?


Because it was carbon bonded to the chicken! :joy:

ChAiNz.2da
11-29-2004, 02:00 PM
Don't forget the ever popular, seen WAY too many times in signature lines (insert evil thought here):


There are only 10 types of people in this world; those who understand binary jokes, and those who don't.

90SK
11-29-2004, 02:28 PM
Originally posted by ChAiNz
Don't forget the ever popular, seen WAY too many times in signature lines (insert evil thought here):


There are only 10 types of people in this world; those who understand binary jokes, and those who don't.


:explode:


Man, you just ruined my day.;) :D

Shok_Tinoktin
11-29-2004, 02:38 PM
Here is a semi-geeky joke:

What is the difference between a civil engineer and a mechanical engineer?

Mechanical engineers make weapons, civil engineers make targets

Another one:

The three ways to tell if you should be an engineer:
1. You know how to use all the buttons on your calculator.
2. You know your height in nanometers.
3. You assume a horse to be a sphere to make the calculation easier.

Amezaroth
11-30-2004, 06:56 AM
Originally posted by Darth333
ah! I was wondering :rolleyes:

Is windowze a Virus? (http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/article09-115)

lmao, that was too hilarious...

Now drum roll please

What is the difference between a terrorist and a engineer?
You can negotiate with a terrorist, well at least if you live outside the USA...

please dont kill me

stingerhs
11-30-2004, 12:23 PM
whats with the engineer jokes??? thats what i'm studying to be at the moment....:rolleyes:

anyway, i've got a little story for ya:

a man was driving down a road situated in the middle of a massive field. he was about to pass a farmer's house, so he took a brief glance at it as he approached. it was the only building that he could see for miles around, and an old farmer was sitting in a rocking chair on the porch. he waived to the farmer and then looked back to the road, only to see a small rabbit jump out in front of his car.

before he could even touch his brakes, *bum-bump*. he had run over the rabbit. the man immidiately pulled over to the side of the road and stopped. he got out of his car and went to go look at the rabbit. he bent down and peered at the rabbit. suddenly, he had an idea. he ran back to his car and started rummaging through his things.

the farmer had been watching the whole time and stood up when he saw the man rummaging through the stuff. he stepped off his porch and walked over to the man's car. the man found a small bottle and then ran back over to the rabbit. he unscrewed the lid and slowly poured something on the dying rabbit. the man then put the cap back on and calmly walked over to his car. as he placed the bottle back in the car, the farmer just stared at him curiously, then looked back towards the rabbit.

suddenly, the rabbit jumped up. it stood up on its hind legs and began to wave one of its front paws. the farmer immidiately did a double take back towards the man. the man was smiling at the rabbit. the man then turned and opened the door to his car. "What on earth did ya put on dat rabbit?" the farmer asked. the man looked at him and said, "Oh, it was just a little something I picked up at the store today. It was just some Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."

Boba Rhett
11-30-2004, 12:40 PM
What kind? Glorified electrical engi- I mean, computer engineer? Me too. :D


Engineer jokes are some of the best jokes. :D

Shok_Tinoktin
11-30-2004, 01:06 PM
Originally posted by stingerhs
whats with the engineer jokes??? thats what i'm studying to be at the moment....:rolleyes:

Me too, thats why I have them. :D

Darth333
11-30-2004, 01:20 PM
Originally posted by Boba Rhett
Engineer jokes are some of the best jokes. :D
Nothing beats lawyers for jokes :dev11:

here are some classic engineer - lawyer jokes

There are three guys all with different professions, and they are arguing over which job was the oldest. There were a doctor, an engineer, and a lawyer.
The doctor says, "Well, God took a rib out of Adam, and therefore he was a doctor."
Then, the engineer says, "Yeah, well, way before that, out of all the chaos, God created the universe, and therefore he was an engineer."
Finally, the lawyer says, "Well, who created the chaos?"
An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.

One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

ChAiNz.2da
11-30-2004, 02:04 PM
yeah! what's wrong with Electrical Engineers...we're people too...err...did I say 'we'...ummm...

Although I have to say I have some of the kewlest tools to play with after getting that degree... now If I could just remember what all of these 'squiggly' lines on my schematics mean... ;)

RedHawke
11-30-2004, 05:27 PM
Originally posted by ChAiNz
now If I could just remember what all of these 'squiggly' lines on my schematics mean... ;)
I think it means your vision has blurred and you probably have had too much to drink! :guiness:

:D

starmark2k
12-01-2004, 09:53 AM
1)Why don't they install windows XP on planes

Because it keeps crashing


2)what dose a bell and benzoic acid have in common

They both ring (you proberly need a higher education award in chemistry to get that 1)

PoM
12-01-2004, 10:22 AM
*waiting for someone to say that mandalorian joke from kotor*


*Hint hint*

ChAiNz.2da
12-01-2004, 12:59 PM
Originally posted by RedHawke
I think it means your vision has blurred and you probably have had too much to drink! :guiness:

:D

@RedHawke
::OFF TOPIC...sorta::
Well I wasn't yesterday, but today I might have to. Remind me next time I goto Michigan to whip someone's arse :hatchrun:

Some 'brilliant' so-called mechanic put green antifreeze in my dex-cool only cooling system. In a not-so-engineery type term...green + dex-cool = semi-solid goop :rolleyes:

which also equals $888.32 repair work for new water pump & radiator...

Where's my beer? Serenity now... :guiness:

--------------------

@Piece of metal
I can't remember exactly how the Mandalorian joke went, BUT what I found funnier in the game is if you have Zalbaar with you in the party when you 'tell the joke'...his response just made me laugh like crazy for some goofy reason (I have an odd sense of humor...it's the small things that get me ;) )

Venom750
12-01-2004, 01:53 PM
What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

Venom750
12-01-2004, 01:53 PM
What's the definition of eternity?
4 blondes at a 4 way stop.

What do you call 9 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.

ChAiNz.2da
12-01-2004, 06:35 PM
What do you call a blonde(s) with an uber-BAN Button?

I'll make it multiple choice:

1) Moderator
2) Moderator
3) Moderator

hmmmm... (j/k) ;)

Darth333
12-01-2004, 06:47 PM
Originally posted by ChAiNz
What do you call a blonde(s) with an uber-BAN Button?

I'll make it multiple choice:

1) Moderator
2) Moderator
3) Moderator

hmmmm... (j/k) ;)

and How do you call an engineer who posts jokes like this? ...a good test subject for the uber-BAN Button ;) (j/k)

starmark2k
12-01-2004, 11:18 PM
^^^
What do you call a blond who been reading posts like the 4 above

P****d off

(Try to keep the jokes geeky guys)

Venom750
12-02-2004, 08:02 AM
Well if your goner try and ban me for a few jokes how petti are YOU

Darth333
12-02-2004, 08:23 AM
Hey, let's keep it friendly (and less vulgar)!

ChAiNz.2da
12-02-2004, 08:28 AM
:confused: Ummm..okay before everything gets way out of control here. The whole "ban" thing was a joke?...you know..haha funny (j/k=just kidding) :rolleyes:

There's no 'ban-happy' moderators here. It's called a "playful exchange"...geesh..

I respectively retract the whole "Ban" thing. Lighten up peoples.

Can we get back to the jokes?
(sorry Darth333 for the whole mess)



TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM

9.9999973251 -It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
8.9999163362 -It's Close Enough, We Say So
7.9999414610 -Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
6.9999831538 -You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
5.9999835137 -Redefining the PC--and Mathematics As Well
4.9999999021 -We Fixed It, Really
3.9998245917 -Division Considered Harmful
2.9991523619 -Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point?
1.9999103517 -We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws
0.9999999998 -The Errata Inside

tk102
12-02-2004, 08:30 AM
Straight out of college I knew I was brainwashed when I found myself considering the differential equation required to calculate the amount of time to barbecue my steak so that the inside would reach 150F. (Is it a cylinder or rectangle?)

Now I would just write a computer program instead. What an improvement.

And Chainz, I own that shirt. (http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/frustrations/5aa9/)

tk102
12-02-2004, 08:43 AM
Four engineers were sitting around one day trying to figure out who might have designed the human body.

The first fellow said, "I think it might be a Mechanical Engineer, because of joints and muscle and sense of balance." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."

The second fellow said, "I think it might be an Electrical Engineer, because of the nervous system and neural network." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."

The third fellow said, "I think it might be a Chemical Engineer, because of hormonal balances and metabolism." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."

The fourth fellow snaps his fingers and shouts out, "I know, it HAD to have been a Civil engineer!" The other three ask "Why?"

"Well," replied the fourth fellow, "who else would put a waste water drainage right through a recreational area?"

Hannibal
12-02-2004, 08:50 AM
Originally posted by tk102
Straight out of college I knew I was brainwashed when I found myself considering the differential equation required to calculate the amount of time to barbecue my steak so that the inside would reach 150F. (Is it a cylinder or rectangle?)


I had that college brainwash problem when I took physics. I'd find myself on elevators judging my weight and distance traveled trying to figure out how fast it was travelling. School makes you so geeky. But it also can increase your salary. :D

PoM
12-02-2004, 09:29 AM
A college brainwash problem?
I am brainwashed!

ChAiNz.2da
12-02-2004, 11:27 PM
Originally posted by tk102
And Chainz, I own that shirt. (http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/frustrations/5aa9/)

Dude, you get +20 extra kewl points for owning that shirt! plus an extra +10 if you've caught people staring mindlessly at it trying to figure it out ;)

----------------------------

Star Wars Geek Humor

Luke: "You used to program?"

Ben: "I was once a software engineer the same as your father."

Luke: "My father wasn't a software engineer. He was a custodian at Lockheed-Martin."

Ben: "That's what your Uncle told you. He didn't hold with your father's ideals. He thought he should go to work. Not gotten a degree."

Luke: "I wish I had known him."

Ben: "He was a cunning object-oriented analyst, and the best systems programmer in the galaxy. I understand you've become quite a good hacker yourself. And he was a good friend. For over ten years the systems programmers created user interfaces. Before the dark times. Before Microsoft."

Luke: "How did my father die?"

Ben: "A young systems programmer named Bill Gates, who was a student until his mommy kicked him out of her basement, founded Microsoft and helped destroy the intuitive user interface. He betrayed and murdered the Macintosh. Gates was seduced by the Dark Side of Money."

Luke: "Money?"

Ben: "Yes, Money is what gives a programmer his resources. It's an exchange system created by human beings. It surrounds us. Works for us. Binds the economy together. Which reminds me. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your Uncle wouldn't allow it. He thought you'd follow old Obi-Wan on some damn idealistic crusade."

Luke: "What is it?"

Ben: "It's an object modeling tool. The weapon of a systems programmer. Not as random or clumsy as a lexical parser. An elegant compiler for a more civilized age."

Joke Source (http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0000688.html)

stingerhs
12-03-2004, 08:10 AM
now, i'm not really sure you could classify this one as a truely 'geek' joke, but college football fans can be just as bad sometimes. now, you could use any college football rivalry you want, but since i'm from south carolina, i'll use the clemson and u of s. carolina rivalry. :D
________

There was once an american sniper team sent behind enemy lines. While spotting out an enemy camp, a small patrol caught them and hauled them away.

Fortunately for them, their captors didn't believe in torture. However, the lead captor decided that it would be too much trouble to guard, feed, and shelter them. So, he ordered them to be executed by firing squad on two consecutive days.

Well, the two prisoners were being kept in two cells right next to each other. Now, despite being a sniper team, they knew very little about each other except that they were in the Army together. So, they got to talking, and as it turned out, they were both from South Carolina. One of them was a Clemson fan, and the other was a S. Carolina fan. They started talking about some of the old classic football games, and they came to the concensus that it was a shame they had never met before.

It was the night before the first execution, and they're captors dedided to execute the S. Carolina fan first. He started thinking a bit, and he said,"Oh, I've got it all figured out. I'm going to get away." The Clemson fan was curious and requested to watch the execution. The captors agreed to do so.

So, the next morning, the S. Carolina fan was led out to a small field and placed in front of the squad. He elected not to be blindfolded, and stared straight at the squad. They then counted down to firing, "3,2,1.." "EARTHQUAKE!!!!" the S. Carolina fan yelled out. The whole squad paused and looked around. In the confusion, the S. Carolina fan ran off and got away.

After the incident, the Clemson fan started thinking about it in his cell. He knew that he couldn't repeat the same strategy that the S. Carolina fan had used. Finally, he got himself a plan and fell asleep.

The next morning, the Clemson fan was led out in front of the firing squad. He also elected not to have the blindfold. So, the squad leader counted down, "3,2,1..." The Clemson fan then yelled,"FIRE!!!!"

PoM
12-22-2004, 06:29 AM
Originally posted by starmark2k

2)what dose a bell and benzoic acid have in common

They both ring (you proberly need a higher education award in chemistry to get that 1)

Uhh, i guessed that one might be funny, but i am confused as hell, so can anyone tell me the point?

ChAiNz.2da
12-22-2004, 11:25 PM
Originally posted by Piece of metal
Uhh, i guessed that one might be funny, but i am confused as hell, so can anyone tell me the point?

Benzoic Acid's Chemical Formula (diagram) forms a "ring". It's a carboxyl group bonded directly to benzene ring. ;)

see pic (http://sci-toys.com/ingredients/benzoic_acid.html)

Take a close look next time you use mouthwash or a 'whitening' toothpaste, you're getting a mouthful of weak acid....Oh yeah, you can find benzoic acid in a Beaver's scent gland. Think on that...(could explain the taste...ick :eyeraise: )...

(^^ just one of the 'nifty' facts my chemistry teacher shouldn't have shared with the group..hehe)

when converted to it's salts, they use it as a food preservative...but only in .1% concentration, because it's quite poisonous..

food for thought... ;)

DarthTDe
01-09-2005, 02:26 PM
You might be a redneck Jedi if you've ever used the force to pop open a beer.

Mandalorian X
01-14-2005, 01:21 PM
Well this is a happening board

XBebop
01-14-2005, 03:45 PM
damm str8, homez.

I love redneck jokes, so here:

If you've ever had to use the force to turn on the TV (which is two feet away from you).

DarthTDe
01-15-2005, 04:09 PM
Originally posted by Piece of metal
*waiting for someone to say that mandalorian joke from kotor*


*Hint hint*


Two Mandalorians are walking in the woods.And they're partners.Well,one of them collapses,and the other one picks up his comlink and calls the commander."commander?My partner just collapsed!He might be dead!" "Okay...First,make sure he's dead"*the commander hears blaster shots."yeah,he's dead.what now?"