View Full Version : First attempt at writing properly
02-23-2005, 11:20 AM
I have had this idea for a while but it took me around three years to write it down and now here is my idea.
I have some of it in a word file that i'm just copying and pasting.
This is my first attempt and first draft so it isnt the best it could be. I mainly want people's oppinions and the like so say what you will.
I'm going to put in the first page:
It was a regular boring Wednesday afternoon – maths, then french for any year nine student in the Leon Skilton school. But there was a group of fourteen year olds who found school to be complete bliss, but not for the reason many might think. They did not like the work, nor were they a teacher's pets, but it took their minds off what they did the rest of the time.
Max Eco was one of these kids. He was in the middle of maths, working on fractional indices and he was paying no attention to the work sheet. He was finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than that evening, what would happen? He put his hand through his short black hair. He looked at the girl next to him – Tara Ilad, she was also fourteen, quite tall, she had long black hair that reached to her shoulders and she was worrying about that evening. She would be there too.
Max looked into Tara’s blue eyes and could see the fear in her eyes and Tara could see the fear in Max’s brown eyes too. In just a few hours, they could be dead, but that worry was always on them. Why were they so scared now?
They both knew the answer – they would be fighting the biggest army that the witch had ever put together. There were over twenty thousand men against five children, what were the odds?
Tara whispered to Max, “You worried?”
“How can I not be?”
“I should be the one in the ship, not Zamler,”
“But you’ve taken too much time off, people are starting to suspect things.”
Just then their teacher walked over to them, Miss Collins. She had heard the conversation, but did not know what it was about, she did not care, just as long as it stopped.
“I see you’ve done a lot of work this lesson you two,” she said to them, “you’ve been doing what for half an hour?”
“I’m not sure miss.” Answered Tara, she had been worrying too much to work.
“I’ll have to take your diaries and I’ll see you after class. Now get working, or you’ll be finishing it for homework.”
“Great,” though Max to himself, “not only do I have a gigantic army to fight and a group of friend’s to lead, but now I’ve got detention tomorrow.”
That was the rule in the school, three bad notes in your diary in one day, then it’s detention.
“Oh,” said Miss Collins loudly, so the whole class heard, “no work in english, no geography homework and now no work done in maths. Enjoy detention Max.”
The class laughed at Max, now he’d had enough of this. He stood up and banged his hands on the table. “Do you think I care about a stupid detention? Do I care about the english work? Do I care the geography project? NO! I don’t care about them one bit. So you can take your detention and stuff it.”
The class was absolutely silent when he said his little speech. He moved out from behind his table in the back row of the class and stormed out.
What do you think??? Honestly!!!
02-23-2005, 12:01 PM
I'm interested to see where this leads... it has the potential to be pretty good, but with so little to go on, I'd like to wait before I judge it.
02-24-2005, 12:19 AM
Not bad, but I won't be reading the rest of it unless you shorten your siggy!
02-24-2005, 09:00 AM
Why does everyone hate the sig??? Fine then - you win.
Here is some more of it:
Miss Collins ran after him. The class erupted into a fit of laughter and questions about what Max had done. Tara just sat there; she could guess what would happen.
Tara was right. Max ran down the hallway and went quickly down the stairs, followed by the teacher, who could not catch up with Max as he was running. By the time Miss Collins got to the stairs, Max was no where to be seen. She ran down the stairs, but then did she go into the English department, or go down to the ground floor? The ground floor, he’d be running out of the school.
Tara looked at her watch and pressed the screen with her middle finger, it read her finger print and the screen changed. Now it had several buttons on the screen. She pushed one or two, when no one was looking and she spoke softly into it. “Max, what are you thinking? I know that you’re worried, but you need to calm down. Come back in or you’ll be expelled.” She pushed another button and it switched back into the ordinary watch.
The teacher came back in to the class out of breath. She sat at her computer and typed up and e-mail. It said:
Max Eco has just run out of my maths class after he got a detention for not doing any work in my class, his english class or having his geography homework.
I tried to run after him but he had a head start and I can not find him. I guess that he has run out of the school, but I am not sure.
I would like to know what to do with him as he rarely gets all his work finished in my lessons and I do not think that he gets a lot done in other lessons. He is a cleaver student if he works, but I feel that his mind is always elsewhere.
She sent the e-mail to the head teacher – Mr Jackal and Max’s tutor – Mrs Banco.
Soon, after she had sent the e-mail, she started the lesson again, there was about ten minutes left of the lesson, when Tara felt her wrist vibrate. She pressed the screen again and then pushed another button, this was done very subtly and no one noticed.
Tara could hear Max’s voice “I’m coming back in, but I’m not happy about it” Tara could hear Max, but no one else could, she could hear him through her WCD – Wrist Computer Device. She pushed one more button and it turned back again.
After a minute, Max came to the door; he opened it and sat down in his seat next to Tara. He said nothing.
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” screamed Miss Collins.
“I was in the toilet,” he said calmly “I then wondered around the school and got bored, so I came back here.”
Max had been on their ship, seeing what the army was doing. He did not like the look of it. It seemed larger than he had anticipated and the army members where not all who he expected – not just the regular army, but the Ninja Troopers and Lyon’s Wolfmen too. He was very worried, he did not care about the maths or french that he would have to face, this army would be enough to complete Maven’s plans – take over the world.
The lesson soon finished and Max and Tara spoke to Miss Collins. Tara explained after Max was sent out the room, to see the head teacher, that Max’s parents were in the middle of a messy divorce and he was upset by it. Miss Collins accepted this, but still was not convinced. She let Tara go with an angry word or two.
Tara ran out of the room after Max and told him the story she had told the maths teacher. It was a completely fake story, but it worked for the teachers when it had to.
Max had a very short temper, and no one who knew the real him could blame him. His parents had died when he was young, that’s when he got his powers, now he was the leader of the Power Kids, he was under strain, but he rarely let his temper go that high, but he was rarely under so much pressure.
Tara went to Mr Jackal’s room with Max. “Remember,” she told him, “you can’t get away with everything here, you need to be careful what you do when.”
“I know.” said Max, he was upset now, he realised what he had done, he realised that he almost let his powers show, that would have given him away. After Max’s powers were in the open, it would not take long to find out Tara had powers too, then Ponray and Zamler would be found out too. It would not be a nice place to be when they were discovered.
Max went on, “I know what I did almost gave us away, but it wasn’t what I needed just then.” He looked around to check no one was around. “Be prepared for a fight tonight, the Ninja Troopers and Lyon’s guys are there too.”
Tara gave a long sigh, “This was never in the contract when I signed up.”
“Tara, we never got a contract, or a choice. The council gave me the powers without me wanting them.”
“It’s hard to imagine life without them now, isn’t it?”
“Almost too hard, and it’s started to worry me. Will we be doing this all our lives? Fighting these guys, never having a life?”
“I hope not.”
Just then Mr Jackal came and saw them. “I got the e-mail Miss Collins sent Max,” he said.
Tara cut in, “I’d better get to french, I’ll see you after school.” She ran up the stairs and went to her french class.
That is the end of the first chapter
02-24-2005, 10:13 AM
Originally posted by guybroom
Why does everyone hate the sig??? Fine then - you win.
((Because it was longer than almost every single one of your normal posts. It still is now, in fact ;)))
02-25-2005, 09:00 AM
The sig is as short as you're getting it for the moment
Here's some more of the story
Tara ran into her french class late, “I’m sorry I’m late miss,” she said in a sincere tone of voice, that was completely fake, “I was with Mr Jackal.”
“Why were you with him?” asked the teacher, Madame Petite. She was quite small and there were rumours that she had been called that by her class once and she took the name.
“Max Eco stormed out of maths and he was sent there after the lesson and I went with.”
“Why did you go with? If you were not sent.”
“To make sure he didn’t do anything in his temper.” This was the truth, but she did not let Max know that, he would not be happy.
“Fine then, just sit down.”
Tara sat next to Ponray Beseder, she was Tara’s best friend, she was slightly smaller than Tara and had green eyes and reddish hair that went down to the top of her neck.
“What did Max do?” she asked, she knew as best as anyone what Max could do. She once turned to help Maven and Max with all his anger nearly killed her. That was forgotten now though.
Tara spoke through a mind connection that the two girls could get. “He stormed out the class when Miss Collins gave him a detention. He went to the ship and saw the army.”
“Did Miss Collins know?”
“She knew he ran out, it was hard to miss after the speech he gave about not caring about geography or English or whatever it was. He could have given us away with the mood he was in.”
“Then let’s hope that he calms down for Mr Jackal.”
“I would doubt it to be honest, I’d have stayed, but then I’d get caught for bunking.”
“Couldn’t you use the holograph?”
“Too risky, if I was seen here, and then seen there, people are going to get wondering what I’m up to”
They talked the whole lesson about the battle to come and Max’s anger. They were also trying to work out if Max was out of Mr Jackal’s lesson, because he was in a different french class.
“I hope he doesn’t say anything stupid to him,” said Ponray.
“He won’t, he was calmer when I left him.”
The school bell rang, again they had done no work, but the teacher did not check, so they got away with it.
They walked slowly out of the room; they had been dreading this. They walked past Mr Jackal’s office, Max was not in there.
“Is that good or bad?” asked Ponray, this time out loud, she did not like the mind connection, but they had to use it when they would get caught.
“Could be either” answered Tara, “if he’s walking out of school, then it’s good. If he stormed out of the office in a temper ten minutes after he went in”
“Then that’s bad?” Ponray cut in.
“Yeah,” said Tara, “hey, Pon, wait a sec.” Tara ran to the head teacher’s office and knocked on the door.
“Come in.” Came a voice from inside.
“Ummm, sir, I was just wondering what happened with Max? He was angry when I left for my french lesson earlier and I was just wondering what happened. I’d ask him my self, but if he got angry I doubt he’d tell me the truth.”
“We talked about the situation he’s in,”
“With his parents?” asked Tara
“Yes, and I made it clear to him that his behaviour is not acceptable in school.”
“But he kept calm?”
“Yes, he kept calm, at least on the outside.”
“What do you mean by that?” Asked Ponray, who had been listening.
“He did not seem to like me talking about his parents.”
“He doesn’t, he prefers not to be reminded of the situation.” Exclaimed Tara
“I can understand that.”
“So he went to french and that’s the end?” Asked Ponray.
“Yes, he went to french and I haven’t seen him since.”
“Thank you sir.” Said Tara, then she and Ponray left the office and walked to their lockers
“That’s good to know.” Said Ponray.
“Are you sure?”
“It sounded to me like he nearly said something about his parents.”
“Wasn’t that the point, he went through the fact his parents are having a divorce and Max doesn’t like it.”
“Max doesn’t like it because his parents are” Tara went into a whisper “dead.”
“But I thought the story was his idea.”
“It was,” Tara opened up her locker and took out two books, “but he is regretting it now, he did it to keep his parents as alive as possible.”
“By giving them a divorce?”
“It’s a believable story about his parents and his temper.”
“So what’s ours?” Ponray was very interested to hear the answer.
“We don’t need one, we don’t have as many enemies as Max, we don’t have the pressure that Max has.”
“We have plenty of pressure on us, but we are fine, we don’t get-”
“Look at your self, your angry now,”
“Then why don’t we have excuses,” They had walked outside and were standing around talking, waiting for a moment where no one was going to be able to see them.
“I don’t know, you’ve never needed one.”
“And he does?”
“When was the last time you stormed out a class?” They were shouting now.
“Last year, it was English, she was being a-”
“Ok then.” Tara calmed down. “If you want an excuse think of a believable one, one that will work for ages, one that won’t sound as though it sounds like an excuse and one that doesn’t sound too much like Max’s to sound fake and to make his start to sound fake.”
Ponray was silent for a moment.
“You see how hard it is, that’s why Max chose his parents.”
“How do you know all that?” Ponray was calmer now too.
“He told me. Now shut up, we’re clear.”
They turned on their WCDs and they pushed a few buttons, they looked around “let’s go.” Said Tara.
They pushed one more button and they disappeared from the school and reappeared in a large ship.
“Hey Zamler,” said Ponray, as they came into the ship. The teleportation was instant, although you could see the person for a few milliseconds after the teleportation, they were trying to fix it, but so far, no luck.
The ship was large and shaped like a cross between the ‘Millennium Falcon’ from Star Wars and the Enterprise from Star Treck (the next generation) and was called ‘The Hiker Dragon’. It was designed like this, because Zamler was the only science fiction fan in the group, so he got the ideas.
The outside of the ship, was shaped like a disk and had a large cylindrical base. Then it had large sections at the front sticking out of the base, which were shaped almost like witches hats, with the pointed sections connected to the ship and the large ends were hollow - there were two of these sections, one on the right, one on the left. In the middle of the two sections was a force shield that was in the main cylindrical base. This opened to let the Fighters (one manned ships, that are based on X Wings) out of the ship.
“Hi,” said Zamler Starng, he had short blond hair and was taller than both the girls, he too was fourteen and went to the same school although he was American. He had been here for three years, which was when he got his powers, he had an American accent, but spoke proper English now. He was wearing a red long sleeved T-shirt and black Jeans.
“Has Max come in?” Asked Tara.
“Now, or earlier?”
“We know he came in earlier, he stormed out of maths to come here.”
“I wondered why he was here, but he didn’t say”
“He got detention and got angrier than I’ve ever seen him outside of battle.”
“I can’t blame him, looking at this army.” Said Ponray, she had walked over to a computer and scanned the army on the field.
“It doesn’t look good,” said Zamler.
“Your right, that’s why I’ve been training.” The three of them turned around to see Max by the wall. He had changed from the white shirt, black trousers, black blazer and blue tie of school uniform (the girls wore the same but with black skirts), into a black sleeveless T-shirt and light blue baggy tracksuit trousers. He had sweat all down his face.
“Max,” said Ponray, “You look tired, we’re going to need all our strength.”
“But if I don’t train, how am I going to fight that army?” he wiped the sweat off his face.
“She’s right Max.” Said Zamler, “You, the most of all of us need your strength. You’re the one that Maven is going to want to fight the most. Your the only one that can truly fight her, we get slaughtered.”
“I know, but I’ve made a new training program with the army, it is a way of seeing how things will fair, it changes when anything new comes to the field and uses normal tactics they use.”
“So it’s a way of dying before we die?” asked Tara sarcastically.
“It uses normal VR-”
“It uses normal virtual reality rules” Said Tara, finishing Max’s sentence.
“Yeah” Said Max angrily.
“We knew, I was being stupid,” said Zamler, “your getting edgy, I was testing your anger.”
“Did I pass?”
Ponray answered “Yeah right!”
“You need to calm down,” said Tara “she’s done this with the army to get us agitated, and it’s worked. If you get too angry out in the battle, then you won’t be paying as much attention as you should and you’ll have a sword in your back.”
Max gave a sigh and leant with one hand on the wall he was standing next to. “I guess your right. Could you come and just look at the program? It will help, I promise you that.”
“I guess it would help.” Agreed Zamler, “if the VR rules apply, you remember what happened last time you made one in a hurry?”
“I know that there was some wrong programming, but it’s fine, I’ve tested it.”
“I hope so, I almost died last time” said Ponray
“It’s fine!” Shouted Max. He turned around and put his hand on a pad on the wall and disappeared.
It was a transporter. It had DNA recognition and turned the DNA into computer data. Then it sent the data to another transporter on the ship and it put the data back into matter. This was also how the WCDs worked, but it worked over longer distances.
After Max left, there was a moment of silence, it was broken by Ponray. She was sitting at a computer with a large army on the screen.
“What’s happened?” Asked Tara quickly running over to Ponray and looked over he shoulder.
Zamler was standing over another computer with blueprints of vehicles and weapons. He pushed a few buttons on the keyboard and brought up a different screen, so he was seeing what was on Ponray’s screen. “Not good. Tara, get Max.”
“Sure,” she said as she ran over to the wall. “Are the boards done?”
“Almost” answered Zamler.
Tara ran to the wall and transported to the training room.
That's the whole chapter
You may recognise some of the names used from RPGs I've done - I needed names and there were some that worked.
02-26-2005, 06:16 PM
That's much better, and the story's cool, too!
02-27-2005, 10:24 AM
600th post :D
Tara walked into a battlefield. She could see many different types of people and she looked around to find Max. There was a lot off noise. She looked for a few seconds, but then a sword came down from above her head. She dodged it and shouted “STOP PROGRAM!”
The whole battle disappeared to leave a small grey room, all that was left was Tara who was still in her school uniform and Max in silver armour made out of thick iron. His eyes were covered with a visor, which had a silver border and had a red inside, where his eyes were. Max had iron trousers and his neck, arms, hands, legs and feet were completely covered.
“What happened?” said Max to himself, then he saw Tara. “Oh, you don’t have to ask if you want to join in.”
“They are here!” Said Tara angrily.
“What?” Asked Max shocked, “Who’s here?”
“The ships are on their way.”
“Let’s go!” Cried Max running to the wall and teleported to the main bridge, where he’d been a few minutes before.
Max ran and looked over Zamler’s shoulder to look at the computer screen.
He ran over to another computer and pushed a few buttons to bring up the same screen as Zamler and Ponray had on their screen, but with coloured numbers on them that constantly changed.
The grey ones were the distances from the Hiker Dragon, the red ones were the speed and the yellow ones were the size, (this was the only one that stayed the same). The numbers were around the ships on the screen. Then Max pushed another button and on a large screen on the wall at the front of the wall the room.
All four of them looked at the screen, they were all thinking it, but only one said it.
“That’s not good!” said Tara, “I’m going to holographics.”
“No, stay here,” insisted Max, “I’ll go. Tara, Zamler, get to your ships and get those fighters. Pon, stay here and keep us reported on the latest news. Also Pon, we need the boards ready.” He ordered “Even if they’re just prototypes, we need the boards.
They all agreed quickly. Max, Tara and Ponray teleported to their designated place.
Tara and Zamler teleported to the hanger and jumped into their Fighters. The Fighters were small one-man jets. They were all based on the design of an X Wing from Starwars (they may have powers, but they are still kids. Ideas have to come from somewhere) but they were each personalised for the easiest flight. Although they called them Fighters officially, they mainly called them ‘ships’.
Tara and Zamler jumped into the cockpit of their ships and Tara opened a 4-way communication channel with several places – Zamler’s ship, Max in holographics and Ponray in the ship. Zamler did the same, but to Tara’s ship.
“Open the force field.” Requested Tara to Ponray.
“Good luck you two.” Came a voice to both ships – it was Ponray. “Shield open,” the glowing blue wall disappeared, “Go get ‘em.”
The two planes hovered off the ground for a moment and then flew out of a gap where the force shield had been.
Max teleported into a room similar to the virtual reality room from before. It was small and bare, it had grey walls and a small computer panel. Max walked over to the panel and pushed a few buttons. The whole room became a 3D view of the battle outside the ship.
Max walked quickly to a chair in the centre of the room. He sat down and picked up the two devices on either side of him. They were controls to the main guns on the ship, the guns on the ship were next to each other, but they could move independently. Max got a buzz through, this was a communication channel from Tara and Zamler. He pushed a button and opened the channel.
He opened the channel and he could hear Ponray, Tara and Zamler talking.
“Open the force field.” Requested Tara to Ponray.
“Good luck you two. Shield open, Go get ‘em.”
Max looked and saw the two ships flying over the field, where the army was. They were fighting in space, but the army was in England. It was in a forest, but someone had seen them and reported it to the police. Then the media got the story and it had been leading up for about two days – now it was time to fight.
They would have fought earlier, but the army had had a force field around it. Max had gone into a battle once before when the enemy had a force field around them, Tara had nearly been killed.
They had been firing at it, waiting for it to weaken. It didn’t and the army ran through the shield and they were not expecting it. Max always remembered past battles in his tactics, he knew Maven did.
Max held the devises ready to use them. They were small and grey, they had a button on the top which fired the guns. They were wireless and light, this made it perfect for their job.
Max looked at the battle and decided this one would be better done standing up. He pushed a button on the control pad of the chair and it vanished.
“I hope the guns are ready, because I sure am!” called Max down the com link.
Ponray replied down her link, “The guns are ready, good luck.” She was sitting in the bridge, she was at the front computer so she could get a better view of the main screen. She had not bothered to get changed from he uniform. She was the eyes and ears of the battle at the moment and she didn’t bother with trivial things now, like what she was wearing.
Zamler was in his ship and had just started firing at enemy ships, “Well don’t hit us.” He said when he heard Max and Ponray talking.
“Don’t worry, I won’t” Said Max, “I’ve never hit you before have I?”
“You nearly got me once,” said Tara, “it was only my ship’s auto dodging that I survived.”
“Why do you think we have the dodging devices?” Asked Max, “And besides, we got through this every time, oh and Zam, good shot there.”
Zamler and Tara were in battle and were flying through and shooting at similar ships to theirs. The main difference was the kid’s were slightly longer and silver and shot from two guns at the front of their ships and one gun at the back, all three guns could be controlled on their own or all together – like the guns Max was controlling. The enemy ships were three different types:
One was very thin, disked shaped and very hard to hit. It shot from all sides around the ship. It was a dark green colour with red stripes. These were the ships of the Ninja Troopers.
The second ship was shaped like a sphere and could also shoot from all angles around the ship, they were white and had very thick armour. These were the ships of Lyon’s Wolfmen.
The third type were very similar to the kid’s, they had a cockpit the shape of a triangle with rounded ends and wings spanning about a meter each. They have an extra rear gun and thicker shielding. The main difference was the colour – these were brown, the kids were silver. These ships belonged to Maven’s army.
Max looked around and saw the two ships flying around and blowing up other ships. The one thing that Max could be happy about is that his two friends were well trained and in ships that were perfect for them. The enemies they were fighting, except for the Ninja’s were all hardly trained and in a standard ship. This gave them a slight advantage in a normal battle, but in one like this where they are outnumbered around twenty thousand to two, they had a hard time.
Max thought about this for a moment, when he realised this was why he had to start shooting.
“Ok,” he said to himself, “let’s go.” He put his hands in front of him and said down the com channel, “Watch out, because here they come.”
He aimed and pushed down the triggers rapidly and could see the enemy ships outside being shot by the plasma shots coming out of the guns he was controlling and blown up.
Max was never sure what plasma was until he got his powers and his first plasma gun, he always knew of it in science-fiction, but only ever looked into it when it mattered to him. He looked in a dictionary and it said ‘An electrically neutral, highly ionised gas composed of ions, electrons, and neutral particles. It is a phase of matter distinct from solids, liquids, and normal gases.’ In simpler terms – A powerful thing to shoot at people.
Tara was in her ship and was controlling it with a small computer panel and a joystick that had three buttons on it – one was red, one green and one blue. The red one fired plasma lasers from the guns, the green one gave a boost of speed and the blue on is one puts up shields. The joystick itself controlled the flight of the ship.
The computer controlled everything else, it was not a computer with a keyboard – it had a buttons and controls. These controlled things such as which guns fired and autopilot, if it were on or the com channels. Anything not controlled by the joystick in the ship, was controlled by the computer.
Tara shot at the disk she was firing at, when her wing got shot. “I’m hit!” she called through the com channel. “My left wing is hit and my shields are down. Mayday! Mayday!” She shouted.
“Keep fighting,” replied Zamler, who had just blown up one of the spheres. “I’ll be right there.” He flew over to help Tara, but got hit himself. “I’m hit too! Max I can’t see them, give me a hand.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” Said Max, who had been firing in the holographics room for several minutes now, “but, I can’t see them, not where they would be for the shot’s your getting.”
Ponray was at the computer surveying the battle from the computer. While Tara and Zamler had the first hand view and Max could see things through holographics, Ponray had the most knowledge of the battle. “They could be cloaked.” She said.
If a thing was cloaked, it was shielded from sight and any sensors – unless they knew it was there. If you knew there was a cloaked ship, you could change the sensors to find it, although it would still be impossible to see it with your eyes.
A cloaking device hides a ship, or object, by vibrating a very high frequency, this hides it from the eyes, the shields are done by using other technology, that is too hard explain now.
“They might be cloaked,” said Tara, “that would explain the strange flight manoeuvres they’ve been doing. But it’s irrelevant now, I need to land, I can’t keep flying.”
“I’ll come down with you.” Said Zamler, “Max, Pon, wanna join us?”
“I’ll be right there.” Said Max enthusiastically. He ran to the wall and pushed a few buttons on the control panel and the walls turned a bare grey again. He pressed his hand on the teleporter and went to the main bridge again.
“You coming?” He asked Ponray as he walked over to one of the computers.
“I’ll come down to help if you need it,” she answered, “The ship still needs protecting, remember?”
“Good luck,” Max said, as he started to feel slightly nervous. He was about to teleport himself down with his WCD.
Suddenly a scream came down the com channel – it was Tara. "Help,” she cried. “My ship has crashed. I’m in the middle of the battlefield. Give me a hand some one. If they start attacking me, my shields won’t hold for long.”
“I’m on my way!” Came Zamler’s voice, “I can see you. I’ll take down some of the guys around you and give you time to get out of your ship.”
“Out? I’m staying in.” She replied.
“You’ll have to get out to fight Tara.” Said Zamler angrily.
Max listened to this. “Ok, I’m coming down.” He pressed several buttons on his WCD and was in the middle of the battle, right next to Tara’s fighter. He was wearing his clothes, but then his whole body glowed a greeny-yellow colour for about half a second and he was wearing his armour (they could all do this – change their amour with out physically putting it on).
He got out his sword from its scabbard in his belt. It was golden on the blade with a sliver-coloured hilt. He watched the army that had encircled them and was ready if any of them moved towards them.
“Quickly,” he whispered to Tara, “get out.” Just then Zamler’s fighter flew low and started firing at the army around Max and Ponray.
The shots were turquoise coloured and the people that they hit disappeared instantly.
When a member of most of the armies that the teenagers fought died, or were so near death, they would disappear and reappear where at their main base. Then they would be healed and put back into action. Disappearing was instant, but the healing process took many hours per person. The group had only been in one battle where the enemies who had been killed had come back into the army and fought again.
Tara got out of her ship and stood next to Max. “So now what?” she asked Max as she went into her armour, it was the same as Max’s but her sword was regular – silver coloured blade as well as silver coloured hilt. Both Tara and Max’s swords were made of iron.
“Zamler,” he spoke into his WCD and into the com channel, “get down here. We’ve got an army to fight.”
Zamler landed his ship next to Tara’s and got out quickly, he got into his armour and pulled out his sword. He stood next to Max and Tara.
Zamler’s armour was similar to Max and Tara’s, but it was all a wooden brown (but it was still made of the iron) and had a helmet instead of the visor. The helmet was shaped so it covered from the back of his neck to his forehead, but his eyes showed. It had a pattern of flames around it, which where indented in the iron.
The three of them where now standing in armour, surrounded by an army larger and stronger than they had ever fought before and they all expected to die, but knew they would not. They could not explain it, but they each knew that the army was not there to kill them, there was a deeper purpose.
02-28-2005, 03:38 PM
Where does this story take place? Cause that one guy is American but speaks 'proper' english. I am guessing the UK?
03-06-2005, 08:18 AM
I hadnt thought of that - he does speak proper english doesnt he?
Well I'll leave it how it is - but let's say he's english until i find a way around that problem.
Also, it is in England - unless it says otherwise.
There was a ship in the sky above London, it was called the Illusion and it was cloaked, the only people who knew it was there where the people on the ship. It was hovering over the Houses of Parliament.
There was a large meeting that day to discuss the problem of the Power Kids, the President of America had also come to the meeting, as well as several other world leaders.
This had not been publicly announced, although it was known that the world leaders where in England, it was not announced why but there had been rumours going around as to why.
From the ship a woman was teleported inside the Parliament building and the meeting itself.
She was wearing a black full body suit with a thick white edge and she was holding a long staff in her right hand. It was made from a compound of wood and metal, it looked wooden and which had a large round clear gem placed in the top, that was bordered by the staff – this was what kept the gem in place. She had dark red eyes and deep brown hair, her skin was a darker colour than most, but she was still peach skinned.
All of the members of the meeting stood up in shock, one called security in to the room. Within seconds seven armed police guards stormed the room and every machine gun was aimed at her head. “Freeze” they cried.
“Mr Prime Minister,” she said, she had a commanding voice and quite feminine, but had no nameable accent, “my name is Maven.” One of the policemen moved around slowly to get a better aim. “I would like to offer my services to help get the so-called Power Kids. I myself have power and I also have an army, which this very minute is taking them prisoner. I can use them for my own devices if I need, but I thought you might like some help in your attempts to get them, or even their identity as your past attempts have been” she paused, “poorly designed compared to who your targets where. But, I can help you, I know them well. So, shall we do a deal?”
The president of America spoke first, “Why should we make deals with one of you, when we are trying to get rid of others?”
“You are not trying to get rid of them, you are trying to find a way to stop them, there is a large difference.”
“We will not make deals with you.” Said the Prime Minister “Now get out of here.”
“Just think about this for one second,” Maven continued “I know who they are, what powers they have, their strengths, weaknesses and where and when they will be vulnerable. So will you care to reconsider?”
There was silence in the room, the guards had moved back slightly, but each of them still had a clear shot at Maven if she did anything. The politicians were thinking, but it was the Prime Minister who spoke first.
“What’s the catch?”
Maven put her staff from her right hand into her left and spoke “The only thing I want is to stay anonymous and I’ll need a few things, like complete control of a certain school for example.” She now had a sly tint in her voice.
“Which school?” asked the Prime Minister nervous, “and for how long?”
Maven ignored the question “I will also need a suitable reward.”
“What sort of reward?” Only two people in the room were talking. The other world leaders decided that it was the Prime Minister’s country and he should be allowed to decide these sort of matters and the armed police had not moved and spoke little while in this situation.
“One hundred million.” She paused for a second “One hundred million English pounds, one hundred million American dollars and one hundred million Euros.”
All the leaders around the table started murmuring to each other, then the President of America spoke. “What do you want the money for?”
“I have my reasons. Now, stop asking questions. This is your last chance, do we have a deal or not? I’ll give you half and hour to discuss it.”
Maven held up he staff and she vanished instantly.
Max, Tara and Zamler where back to back and ready for a fight, they had their sword’s out and where ready to fight anything that came towards them. The army stood still, but they had their weapons out too.
The army was a strange mix of people. The main build of the army was Maven’s: they had purple with a white whirlwind in the centre of their chest. They all had a standard sword and only had a limited skill. They were not much of a threat when there is a small group of them, but an army this big was a tough call for the kids.
Then the Ninja Troopers where second biggest in number, they where all in black and all that could be seen were their eyes. They had double ended swords which they held in the middle, each was made by the wielder and they where trained in using it.
The worst of the army were the Wolfmen. They were men who got cursed by a warlock and got turned into six-foot tall, walking, fighting, talking wolfs. They knew well how to fight, as they were cursed after destroying the warlock’s army. They used swords, but also maces and were extremely good archers.
“So,” said Zamler, “got any ideas?”
Tara shook her head, but Max had an idea in its beginning stages. “Zam
you run through and take a swing at everyone, Tara, you take second swing and I’ll finish them off.”
“You sure it’s going to work?” asked Zamler.
“Well... No,” said Max unconvinced at his own plan, “but you got any ideas? We could each go our separate ways to fight, but then we’d get slaughtered.”
“He has a point there,” said Tara, “there are far too many, they’d get us in an instant.”
“So, what are we going to do?” asked Zamler again.
Neither Max nor Tara had any chance to answer, the battle started. The army ran towards them and so suddenly, that they had no warning and had half expected a longer wait.
The army was running at them at full speed and had not anticipated a retaliation attack planned.
The three kids had an understanding of each other’s fighting tactics, so when Zamler ran through, Tara knew what to do. She ran after Zamler and hit the people Zamler had just run past, Max ran behind and soon they had cleared a path through and found them selves surrounded by the army.
“Any more bright ideas Max?” Asked Zamler sarcastically
“You were the one who did it.” Replied Max in the same tone of voice.
“Shut up you two,” said Tara demandingly “I think we’ve got bigger problems.”
It was Lyon, he was there in person and waiting to fight them, he was the head of the Wolfmen, but he was no wolf. He had the face and body of a lion, but the shape of a man. The warlock thought that the leader of the army should be different, so due to Lyon’s name, he was a lion.
Lyon’s face was purple, his claws were long and he had thick armour with hidden surprised for those who were not expecting. He was shorter than most of his army, but he was much stronger. He had incredible power in his legs, which allowed him to jump skilfully and his arms ad even more power than his legs.
Lyon did not have many powers, but the ones he did have were very strong. His main power that he used, was lightning going into his hands, from the sky and this made Lyon stronger. The other powers were all fire based.
Magic has several types: fire, wind, electric, water and earth. These are called the Elemental Powers – the places where the powers came from. Each elemental power had powers created from that element, other powers are made, by mixing the elemental powers together – these are called the Batched Powers.
Lyon had only fire powers, although he used his powers well, he always wanted some earth powers so that he could create earthquakes or make the ground swallow his enemy. He had never succeeded in his personal quest, but had got close to an answer to create his own powers. Now he had the answer, just not the strength to complete it – but he knew who did.
Lyon was thinking of the powers he could get, but then he remembered what Maven was going to do with their prize. She was going to give them to the government and get money in return. He wondered what she needed money for? All Maven had ever said was “I have my reasons.” Lyon needed to know, what reasons were they? What could money do that power can not? These questions rushed through his head as he swung his mace.
Max dived face first to the ground, out of the way of the mace. Then he stood up and gestured to Zamler and Tara to get away.
“No, we’re staying with you.” Called Tara. She held her sword above her head with both hands and brought it down quickly onto Lyon. Tara was thrown backwards by a kick from Lyon’s left leg and she bashed into Zamler and knocked him over.
Max stood up and picked up his sword. He ran to Lyon and dodged the mace, then he jabbed his golden sword at Lyon’s chest. The sword hit, but did nothing against the thick armour.
Tara and Max stood up and picked up their swords. They both looked around them, trying to assess the situation: They were surrounded by the whole army, the army was not going to attack, but they were ready to keep the kids inside the circle. This was when Tara and Zamler both realised what was going on at exactly the same moment.
Tara yelled to Max, who was fighting Lyon. “Max, it’s a trap!”
Ponray was looking at the battle and saw her friends trapped. She had not realised what was going on in the battle, until Tara said it.
“Of course!” She shouted to herself, “Of course it’s a trap, it all fits.” She slapped her forehead as she looked at the screen. It was perfectly obvious: The army was not fighting, just keeping them in one place. Lyon had them in the position he needed to fight them in perfect ease, but he was only keeping them pinned down. And the most obvious clue of all – the ships around the Hiker Dragon were not trying to blow it up, they were keeping out of range of the guns and were only shooting when Ponray tried to move the ship. The only reason they shot the Hiker Dragon originally was to get their attention and to make them drop down the battle.
Ponray was panicking now, “What should I do?” she kept murmuring to herself. She slapped her head again.
She then had a thought, which she had forgotten about: the boards Max said about. She tapped at the computer’s control pad for several minutes.
03-08-2005, 05:40 PM
I just stumbled back into the RPG section of this place wanting to see if there were any works worth reading and I'm glad I took the time to start this one.
I have some difficulty following it at times due to your grammar and the spacing of it, but the story is pretty good and the characters are outstanding. Keep up the good work ;)
03-09-2005, 02:30 PM
:D thanks! I started writing this a while ago for the sake of it - i didnt think anyone would think it was this good. Especially for a first attempt.
Also my grammer has never been that good. Also I know that English spelling and words are different at times to Americans. I don't know about grammer though.
I'm starting to catch up with where I am writing at the moment so read slowly :p
If it is too complicated then I'll give a quick explanation of what's been going on.
Tara swung her sword at one of the Ninja Troopers and many started to disappear. Tara was fighting hard against them, but she knew what she was doing – she’d had enough practice.
Zamler and Max were fighting too, but they were mostly blocking, ducking and dodging. This was not through lack of skill, but the skill of their opponent. They were fighting Lyon.
Lyon was skilled with a sword, but deadlier with a mace, and he was using a mace now.
“You will not get away!” He said as he swung the mace at Zamler’s head. Zamler dived to the ground and tried to cut Lyon’s wrist with his sword, but he got another swing of the mace in his chest and was thrown backwards.
Max ran towards Lyon and dived under the mace. He stood up quickly and kicked Lyon’s arm, as he was swinging at Zamler. This made Lyon loose concentration for long enough for Max and Zamler to dive at him and wrestle him to the ground.
Tara heard Lyon shout in anger and she turned around to see Lyon on the ground with Max and Zamler’s swords to his throat. She laughed and then spun around again to block a sword that was about to go into her back.
She swung her sword and then blocked a mace with a shield which she could turn on and off like the armour. She parried a sword and then mustered up as much strength as she could and swung at the whole line of enemies in front of her and they are disappeared.
Suddenly Ponray came on the com channel. “I’ve got the boards ready. Where do you want them?”
“Just drop ‘em down here.” Said Max. Suddenly the boards teleported at Max’s feet and he jumped onto one.
The boards, were hoverboards: They hovered off of the ground and were the same shape as surfboards, but with a larger surface. They were a silver colour, with a dark red oval a few centimetres from the front. There was a small yellow aura underneath the board and the grass underneath was blowing in the wind.
Max and Zamler smiled and each jumped on to a board. They knew how they worked, they had used them before in Virtual Reality simulations. They put one foot behind them and one foot in front, on the red oval.
The oval had the controls in. It was confusing controlling the boards when you did not know, but it was simple: The oval had censors which, by measuring where the foot was on the oval, went forward, backwards, left, right, up, down, faster or slower. It also had guns in it, which was why they had wanted the boards so desperately for the battle.
Tara ran on to her hover board too. She started up the guns, which were underneath the board at the front, and a path soon cleared where she had been fighting just before.
The three teenagers flew through the path at around fifteen kilometres per hour. They were going to keep going until they were out of the army completely, but they had forgotten about Lyon.
Lyon had stood up again, a second after the swords went from his neck, but it had taken him longer to attack them than that. Lyon had picked up his mace when he stood up and tried to swing it around to hit his targets, but they had already started flying out before he had the mace. Lyon put his mace back in the section of his armour on his left arm and looked around to see who he should attack first.
Lyon’s armour was unique in several ways. One was the design: It was the shape of his body, but it had lion heads on his kneecaps and sharp blades on his left arm. His feet were left open, for his claws and his back had sharp, curved blades.
Lyon looked around for his first victim and then he saw they had all gone into one line, while trying to escape. He chuckled to himself. He lifted up both arms in front of him and a ball of fire suddenly appeared in his palms and quickly grew. Then Lyon bent his elbows and brought his arms slightly closer to him and the ball stopped growing. Then Lyon thrust his arms forward again and the ball of fire was released.
The ball flew towards the three kids, but luckily Zamler, who was at the back of the line, saw the flame in the reflection of his sword as he slashed at one of the wolfmen, who was trying to knock him off the board. Zamler turned his head around and saw the ball. It was about a metre across and was coming towards them quickly.
Zamler turned around again, sped up his board and shouted. “Max! Tara!”
Tara and Max looked around and saw the fire. They could not divert from the path they were going and they could not dodge it in the space they had.
“Max, Zamler” called Tara back to them, “fly over me, I’ll put it out.”
Max and Zamler did as Tara had said: They made the hover boards go higher and over Tara’s head. This was about the highest the hover boards could go. They could not fly, they used air to push themselves up from the ground. The air pressing on Tara as the boards went over her was tremendous, and she had not expected anything like it, but she recovered quickly.
Tara’s Elemental Powers were water and wind. She had a great understanding of both strengths and she also could make many Batched Powers with them. She now needed to use both Elemental Powers, but not Batched.
Tara put her right arm in front of her and her hand was in a fist, then she opened her fist and stretched her fingers. A violent gust of wind came from her hand and the ball slowed down, until she closed her hand. Then she put both hands in front of her, this time her hands were open. The same way that Lyon made the ball of fire, Tara was making a ball of water. It would hopefully fly into the flame and extinguish it. So Tara hoped.
She had little time to create the ball of water, so she strained to put all her strength into it and it grew quickly. The fire was also moving towards her. Tara had made the ball of water almost half the size of the flame, when she had no more time left. She release the water and hoped.
The water and fire balls were rolling in the air, they did not touch the ground – they were about half a metre off the grass. Despite this, try still rolled. They rolled forwards and as they were rolling, as if it was on the ground, they built up speed.
The fire had already built up speed and was now very fast, the water had just been released and was not as fast. The two balls hit each other and the water went into the ball, but did not put it out, it just went to half its size. This was still enough to harm Tara.
Max and Zamler were flying on their hover boards. Max was in front of Zamler and therefore, he was doing most of the fighting and clearing of the path.
After a minute, they got to the end of the army. They then turned around their boards and stopped them, but they were still standing on them and the boards were still hovering off the ground.
They looked around and saw the ball of fire coming towards them. They looked at each other and they were each wearing the same expression – fear.
“Let’s go!” said Max suddenly, as he flew off to the side, followed by Zamler.
They went to the side of the ball of fire, it was only a few meters, but it was enough to save them. The fire went past them and kept going.
“What happened to Tara?” Asked Zamler, with a tone of confusion in his voice.
“I don’t know – let’s find out.” Max then flew back the way they had just come down the path.
They quickly found what they had both been dreading since the ball of fire got to them. Tara was lying on the ground unconscious. She had her arms and legs sprawled out and her chest was on the ground but her face was turned looking to her left.
Max dived onto his knees to help her up, she gave no response when Max called her name. “Tara, Tara,” he said, while tears were welling up inside him. “Tara.” The only Tara did, was breath softly.
“Max,” Zamler interrupted, “where did Lyon go?” He was looking around nervously.
“I don’t know.” He said suddenly looking around, still on his knees, with Tara’s head on them. “And why isn’t the army attacking?”
“I haven’t a cl-“ Zamler was cut short by a scream down the comm channel. It was Ponray.
“Help! Help me!” She cried. It sounded like she was terrified, but not hurt. There was some interference with the channel though, so it had some crackling in the background. “They are firing at the shi –“ There was a loud crash and banging sounds that drowned out Ponray’s voice.
“We’d better get up there.” Max said quickly after the channel fell completely and there was only static on the line.
They both pushed the buttons they knew well and were about to teleport up to the Hiker Dragon (Max taking Tara too), when they heard a laugh. They knew the laugh well, it was an evil laugh. It was the sort of laugh that put a chill through your bones and made you cower in fear, the more you heard it, the worse it got. It was Maven.
She was still wearing the black suit and still had her staff. She kept laughing.
“So,” she said in her malicious tone of voice, “you thought you could beat me this time?” She laughed again. “You thought you could beat an army this big and this powerful?” She laughed again.
Max gently lay Tara back on the ground and stood up. His fists were clenched and his mind kept killing her in hundreds of different ways.
“We did think we can beat you,” he said in a much calmer voice than his feelings, “and we still do. Just maybe not now, but one day we will destroy you and your army.” He was talking with a lot of confidence and with complete control of his emotions. But his emotions were slowly bottling up inside, ready to burst.
Maven laughed again. “Such courage for such a little child.” She was playing with her staff, she was going to use it, but she needed the best possible timing.
Zamler gasped as he suddenly saw Lyon standing behind her. His mind went to a previous battle that was similar to this situation. Tara and Max were fighting Maven and Ponray and Zamler we fighting Lyon. They just got out alive.
He stepped back and Maven noticed this as a sign of weakness and decided to strike. She lifted her staff and stretched out her arm. A small brown ball flew out of the gem at the top of the staff and went into Zamler’s chest. This power was not an elemental, nor Batched Powers. This was something different. Something she was working on for a while now, something more powerful than any power used ever before.
Max immediately looked next to him at Zamler and then got hit himself.
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