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STTCT
05-04-2005, 10:19 PM
So my sister introduced me to the wonderful world of myspace.com. At first I was innocently looking up old boyfriends and friends. It was neat to see where everyone was and how they were doing. Now, here comes the interesting part. One of my very close friends has a myspace, but I found out something about her that I never knew. She's a lesbian. I'm not grossed out or anything like that at all. More like I feel left out because she never ever told me. We've known eachother since Freshman year in high school, so we have known eachother for 12 years. She was in my wedding and everything. I love her to death and she's a great person. I don't know if I should tell her I saw her page. Maybe its just a recent revalation? I'm not sure. Do you think I shouldn't say anything and wait for her to bring it up? So hard. She's talked to me for years about this one guy she never got over in high school and after my wedding we never spoke. I thought maybe she just got busy and lost touch. I'm not sure how to talk to her. I hate to feel like she's been lying to me all this time. Any one have any sane pages on myspace?

SkinWalker
05-04-2005, 10:27 PM
"Lying" to you? Did she ever say she wasn't a lesbian? Homosexuality is a difficult thing for people to expose to lifelong friends, particularly those that they fear the risk of losing.

If you consider this person a friend, I'd simply tell her that you noticed her page and that, "I never knew that about you... by the way, how's your family? It's been a long time since we've seen each other. Are you going to the new Star Wars showing on the 19th?"

If she feels as though you aren't going to judge her based on her sexual orientation and lose you as a friend, she'll probably be very relieved.

Of course... you shouldn't say all that if her sexual orientation really matters to you in maintaining her friendship. I've a feeling that's not the case with you though. You don't seem to be that kind of person.

Good luck.

Acrylic
05-04-2005, 10:52 PM
Well, I'd be kinda "weirded" out too, if that was one of my good friends. I mean, if they are, if they tell you, then it would be allright, but I mean, if they kept it a secret all those years, then I don't think thats right.

So, I say she's basically been lying to you.

and Myspace is...well, interesting. Because I found my old girlfriend that moved away on myspace, and my sister's ex-fiancee, who died, also.

STTCT
05-04-2005, 11:10 PM
No I don't want to loose her as a friend over this. In high school she made fun of all the girls who were gay etc - so it just strikes me as odd. I mean was she testing me? She always talked about this guy she liked etc. Its just weird. I'm not like that - it just seems like the whole world can know on the internet, but I wasn't told? Just kinda sad.

ET Warrior
05-04-2005, 11:14 PM
She's only been lying if she actually told her that she was, in fact, straight.

And perhaps she's just recently figured out that she's a lesbian, or maybe she is just uncomfortable talking about it. The internet gives her the anonymity to be true to herself, without the possible embarassment of a face to face admission.

El Sitherino
05-04-2005, 11:53 PM
Originally posted by ET Warrior
The internet gives her the anonymity to be true to herself, without the possible embarassment of a face to face admission. ^ indeed.

I'd tell her you saw it, but let her know it's no big deal. be subtle, and don't make it seem like a main topic.

CapNColostomy
05-05-2005, 01:30 AM
I believe "Dear Abby" would agree that the correct thing to do would be to not mention it at all. If she's really your friend, it shouldn't matter to you anyway. And if she feels like you're really her friend, I'm sure in time she'll tell you on her own.

Rogue Nine
05-05-2005, 02:13 AM
MySpace is so stupid. I don't know why anyone uses it.

I did find something interesting though. At an anime forum I frequent, there's a poster who claims to be a girl. "She" IMs me one day, complaining about something or other. There's a MySpace link in her profile. Out of curiosity, I click it. It links to a profile of some guy named Brett. Same info (birthdate, screen name, speech patterns, affinity for the Spice Girls) as the poster at the forum. I have a good hearty laugh at said impostor. Now I'm just waiting for the right time to let the cat out of the bag.

Rogue15
05-05-2005, 03:59 AM
haha that's like the time last year when my mom decided to look my name up on yahoo and found my xanga while i was at basic, and she told me over the phone and i was like :eek: cause i didn't want her calling up dr phil.

Astrotoy7
05-05-2005, 04:45 AM
the immature part of astro apologises, because at the mention of the word lesbian, he becomes like these two clowns :(

http://www.akg.hu/~hamori/beavis&butthead.gif


However, adult astro says that you shouldnt dwell on it STTCT.. Sexuality is a very personal thing. She just may not feel comfortable telling you. She's still the same person you respect and admire and thats what you should cherish :)

mtfbwya

Jared
05-05-2005, 05:12 AM
i've had a myspace for like a year now....its...sane... www.myspace.com/ogsken i'm totally addicted to it....heh...my roomate julie has one too....and most of my friends from school...its pretty cool.

BigTeddyPaul
05-05-2005, 06:24 AM
I would actually say something to the friend just asking why she never told you. Maybe this will be a whole new level to your relationship. Just me though.


I personally love myspace. Found a number of old friends from over 10 years ago. It is a way for me to keep tabs with my friends since in college we all went our own ways. Sure there are freaks and whatnot but the pros def. outweigh the cons.

I NEED A NEW PICTURE! - Can I borrow someone camera real quick?

http://www.myspace.com/bigteddypaul

Alegis
05-05-2005, 07:12 AM
I'd talk it over were I in your position, it's giving you a bad feeling and my guess is that's not something she wants.

Try to subtly pick up the subject about myspace. 'Saw your page' etc. I've noticed people don't make dramas out of things if you approach it as a simple comment. 'Say I've never known you were a Lesbian. You could have told me that you know, but it doesn't matter' with a sort of smile and elbow 'punch'.

0.02$

Astrotoy7
05-05-2005, 07:14 AM
*clicks links*

nothin against you guys, but that type of stuff creeps me out... Astro's actual location/address/phone number is only known to about 6 people in the whole world, for reasons Iwont go into :(

no myspace for astro

mtfbwya

Dagobahn Eagle
05-05-2005, 07:15 AM
I remember this girl from high school that lived next door to me. She became a lesbian in her sophomore year and at first didn't want to admit it to even her closest friends.

Sad thing is, said friends and even family did not like it at first and their best friends even teased her about it, even though she needed all the support she could get. They're perfectly OK with it now, but it hurt me to see how their deep friendship was disrupted by something that trivial.

toms
05-05-2005, 11:12 AM
is myspace like friendsreunited in the UK?

Anyway, i'd just contact her and say you saw her profile on myspace and wanted to get back in touch. Wouldn't bother mentioning the lesbian thing at all...

SkinWalker
05-05-2005, 11:32 AM
Also, STTC....

Did you consider she may have lied on her My Space account? I'm not sure to what end, but pehaps to have a reason to turn down hords of guys that im her asking for "hook-ups?"

Just a thought.

jon_hill987
05-05-2005, 11:34 AM
Originally posted by SkinWalker
Also, STTC....

Did you consider she may have lied on her My Space account? I'm not sure to what end, but pehaps to have a reason to turn down hords of guys that im her asking for "hook-ups?"

Just a thought.

or someone else might have put it on there as a joke. I'm sure it ain't hard.

swphreak
05-05-2005, 03:06 PM
Or you can just let it go because something this trivial is really pathetic. If one of my friends turned gay or lesbian, I wouldn't care. They're friends.

I say let it go and move on with your life.

Acrylic
05-05-2005, 09:05 PM
Originally posted by StarWarsPhreak
Or you can just let it go because something this trivial is really pathetic.

But if one of your close friends never told you, then yeah, it would be kind of a big deal.

And plus, it's not like she's not gonna be friends with her friend anymore, it's just the fact that she didn't know for all these years that bugs her.

(Am I right? ;))

STTCT
05-05-2005, 09:27 PM
Yes that's pretty much it. It just bugs. I feel "indifferent" and I'm not mad in the least. More like I'm confused. Like I said we are close - she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. I mean - I just thought that she'd feel free to come to me about this. I'm not judgemental like that. She could have just found out or maybe she just came out and hasn't talked to me yet to tell me. I'm not really sure. I just wanted to post this to get more of my frustration out. I know she's happy etc and that's all that matters. I just I guess I would feel the same way if my Gay friend went Straight on me and didn't tell me? Or if a friend had some life altering experience and left me out of it? You know?

Acrylic
05-05-2005, 10:09 PM
Originally posted by STTCT
Yes that's pretty much it. It just bugs. I feel "indifferent" and I'm not mad in the least. More like I'm confused. Like I said we are close - she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. I mean - I just thought that she'd feel free to come to me about this. I'm not judgemental like that. She could have just found out or maybe she just came out and hasn't talked to me yet to tell me. I'm not really sure. I just wanted to post this to get more of my frustration out. I know she's happy etc and that's all that matters. I just I guess I would feel the same way if my Gay friend went Straight on me and didn't tell me? Or if a friend had some life altering experience and left me out of it? You know?

I know how you feel.

One of my really good friends believed in God and all that stuff, but one day he was like "yeah, I decided to be atheist". It's not like I'm mad, just....confused how he could change his mind suddenly like that. :confused:

Meh, as long as your friends are happy, it doesnt matter what they do. :)

Redwing
05-06-2005, 04:25 AM
Heh... actually... I just recently found out through myspace that an acquaintance of mine I've known for ...pretty much longer than anyone else I knew... is a lesbian, too. Didn't feel weird tho since we never talked in-depth about much, tho... just said hi to each other all the time... =)

Most likely your friend just never found a way to tell you. She was probably afraid you'd freak out... and you know, it's entirely possible she figured it out about herself after she'd already met you and you'd gotten to know her as a straight 'normal' person.

(Oh, and I have become SUCH a myspace whore in the past month or so. XD But I still won't give it out here. :p PM me if you want it, I suppose... >_>)

Astrotoy7
05-07-2005, 03:23 AM
Originally posted by StarWarsPhreak
... If one of my friends turned gay or lesbian, I wouldn't care.

...my dear phreak, has anyone ever told you you are one hunk of hot manmeat :D

mtfbwya

swphreak
05-07-2005, 12:39 PM
Ah but you see Astro, you aren't my friend, and I still don't care.

If you're really going to end a friendship on a trivial matter of someone's sexual preferences... I just think that's sad.

Acrylic
05-07-2005, 02:09 PM
Originally posted by StarWarsPhreak
If you're really going to end a friendship on a trivial matter of someone's sexual preferences... I just think that's sad.

She never said she was going to.


But, if you're talking about that in general, then yeah, I agree with you.

Spider AL
05-07-2005, 03:09 PM
Personally I'd wait for my friend to tell me. I wouldn't approach her and ask directly.

It's an interesting question though. What if one of my friends decided he was gay? How would that affect me?

I mean, like it or not, friendships are much more difficult to maintain with people who are prospective sexual partners. That normally occurs between men and women of course (it's sometimes tough to maintain a friendship with a member of the opposite sex when you're both hetero) but if one's friend realised that he was homosexual, that relationship would then change from a friendship where sexual desire between you will NEVER be a problem... to a friendship where sexual desire MAY become a problem. That sense of utter security would be gone.

I mean, I'm one handsome sod. If one of my mates turned out to be gay, I'd be worried that he'd feel an uncontrollable urge to jump my bones, just because I'm so damned hot.

No, seriously. :mad:

ET Warrior
05-07-2005, 03:54 PM
Originally posted by Spider AL
I'd be worried that he'd feel an uncontrollable urge to jump my bones, just because I'm so damned hot.

That's because your ego is so massive I do believe it's actually started to eat itself.

Spider AL
05-07-2005, 04:21 PM
Ha! Says you. To prove myself right, I'd post a photo of my fabulously symmetrical, manly visage for you all to gawp at in astonished jealousy...

If I weren't too clever to give up my anonymity, that is.

:D

Redwing
05-07-2005, 07:05 PM
Originally posted by Spider AL
Personally I'd wait for my friend to tell me. I wouldn't approach her and ask directly.

It's an interesting question though. What if one of my friends decided he was gay? How would that affect me?

I mean, like it or not, friendships are much more difficult to maintain with people who are prospective sexual partners. That normally occurs between men and women of course (it's sometimes tough to maintain a friendship with a member of the opposite sex when you're both hetero) but if one's friend realised that he was homosexual, that relationship would then change from a friendship where sexual desire between you will NEVER be a problem... to a friendship where sexual desire MAY become a problem. That sense of utter security would be gone.

I mean, I'm one handsome sod. If one of my mates turned out to be gay, I'd be worried that he'd feel an uncontrollable urge to jump my bones, just because I'm so damned hot.

No, seriously. :mad:


If you base your sense of security on a friendship on lack of sexual feeling, there may be something wrong.

At least in my opinion.

Maybe it's all the bisexual people I know. (I swear, 50% of my friends... with a few being gay, and the rest straight...)

I have honestly never had a problem with this. Well, true, a couple of my friends I count myself lucky I've never had sexual feelings for them, since I know they'd freak out over it... but I am very good friends with both a former crush of mine and a current crush of mine (and they both know about it).

I would say more, since I do have alot of but I still consider my gender and sexuality to be in the none-of-everybody's-business category :p but trust me, Spider-AL, you're worrying over stuff and nonsense. ^_^


Originally posted by ET Warrior
That's because your ego is so massive I do believe it's actually started to eat itself.

:D

Spider AL
05-08-2005, 01:58 PM
If you base your sense of security on a friendship on lack of sexual feeling, there may be something wrong.Oh I never said I based my friendships on anything.

I'm merely pointing out the fact that one's friend "coming out" would change the nature of the relationship at a fundamental level. Gender and sexuality have a lot to do with how we relate to one another on a subconscious level, after all.

What we do and who we are are very closely entwined. I think most of the "freak out" factor in a situation such as STTCT described must stem not from the fact that the friend's gay, but instead from the fact that the friend is SUDDENLY gay. That someone one knew and thought one had a good handle on now has a different sexuality than the sexuality one thought they had. And as I stated before, relating to a prospective sexual partner is different and in some cases more difficult than relating to an ostensibly a-sexual individual. (As regards one's own person)

trust me, Spider-AL, you're worrying over stuff and nonsense. ^_^I don't think so, I am after all the hottest piece of flesh ever born of mortal woman.

STTCT
05-09-2005, 06:18 AM
Heeeee - I'm not worried my friends gonna jump me! Not in the least. Okay let me try to explain once more

I've known this friend since the beginning of High School. We hung out all the time and you know how note passing was a big thing in HS? Well we'd write novels. Discussing all the guys we liked etc. She said she liked this one boy all through high school. Now I'm not saying she couldn't of made this discovery two days ago etc. I'm just saying this is how I knew her. She would talk about our friends whether she saw them kissing (these two girls we knew) and would talk about how nasty it was. I don't remember if I said it was nasty - more like shocked and was like really? wow...I had no idea. We've maintained our friendship outside of high school and like I said she was in my wedding. Now she's always been talking to me about hot guys etc and of course the one boy in high school. Which I told her she was way way too picky on guys and she needs to start looking for someone else besides that one lost love. So - when someone you've known for years has always talked to you about liking one sex - never ever tells you that she might be looking at the other sex *which is fine and you find out from the NET on a site that you can just type in her name. I find that kinda harsh. Because she is living a completly different life than she led me to believe. I mean like totally different. I just feel like she wasn't honest? Was she lying to me? Maybe herself? Did she think I couldn't handle it? I feel kinda sad about that. No I didn't expect an email "I'm Proud and Gay" parade outside my house with a Gay Pride Flag. No - but in one of those conversations about who she liked could she have said Well I l like this one hot girl? I would have been fine - seeing who she's with on the net though I'd have to say She could do sooo much better! I guess I don't know. This is the basis of our friendship for a long time was hot guys. Now what the heck? I don't want to loose our friendship if she thinks that she can't talk to me. I tried to email her and say Hey whats new? told her how I was doing and she hasn't emailed me. I'm wondering if I'm not apart of this new life any more. Sucks. I hate to loose a really good friend :( .

ZBomber
05-09-2005, 07:04 AM
Maybe it's an inside joke or something with one of her friends? I dunno, she can't seem to find it that important, I wouldn't bring the topic up.

El Sitherino
05-09-2005, 07:44 AM
I guess just don't worry about it. She'll tell you when she's ready.

Mike Windu
05-09-2005, 08:52 AM
Yeah... there's not much to this one other than it's

a) an inside joke for friends
b) she's discovered this since the last time you spoke
c) she's hiding it from you for fear of judgement
d) she wants to tell you but doesn't know how.

Whichever it may be, just be patient. It'll come to light soon enough, just >_> act cool <_<.

:cool:




:p

DarkLord60
05-09-2005, 11:38 PM
I checked the site out and typed in my name and last and one profile came up and the guy's name is Josh to and obviously the last name and almost same age but he was gay, Uhhh I am not lol. I don't go that way.

acdcfanbill
05-10-2005, 03:35 AM
well if it makes you feel better, i just found out Halford was gay, it kind of makes his dress make sense, but i felt weirded out as well... yea, i know, i live under a rock...

Pie™
05-10-2005, 10:36 AM
Originally posted by acdcfanbill
well if it makes you feel better, i just found out Halford was gay, it kind of makes his dress make sense, but i felt weirded out as well... yea, i know, i live under a rock... http://www.zenigata.org/djmayhem/pics/RobHalford.jpg
Was it really that hard to tell? :p

acdcfanbill
05-10-2005, 03:41 PM
i thought he just liked leather and spikes...