View Full Version : Qantas is an Australian Airliner (humour)

Jan Gaarni
08-05-2005, 11:52 AM
I found this years ago, and thought I would share it with the people here, in an effort to liven up the place abit. :)

Anyway, after each flight, the pilot fills out a form that says what faults have occurred during the flight, which the mechanics can look at and fix the problems if needed.

The mechanics then fills out on the area at the bottom part of the form, telling what they have done with the problem. The pilot then reads the report before the next flight. You canít say that the ground crew and mechanics donít have a sense of humour, to say the least. :D
Here are some actual registered complaints over lack of maintenance and problems, which Qantasí pilots have submitted, aswell as what solutions the maintenance personell have noted.

P: Problem noted by the pilot.
S: Solution noted by the mechanic.
P: Innermost wheel on left side almost needs to be changed.
S: Almost changed the innermost wheel on the left side.

P: Test-flight went OK, except the autolanding was alittle rough.
S: There is no autolanding system installed on this aircraft ...

P: Propeller #2 does not receive enough lubricant.
S: Supply to propeller #2 is normal.
Supply to propeller #1, 3, and 4 is out of order!

P: Something in the cockpit is lose.
S: Something in the cockpit has been fastened.

P: Dead bugs on the windscreen.
S: Live bugs are in requisition.

P: Autopilot creates a drop of 200 feet when the airceiling level is punched in.
S: Cannot recreate problem on the ground.

P: Evidence of leak on the right landinggear.
S: Evidence removed!

P: The sound level on the communication system is unbelievable loud.
S: The sound level have been changed to a more believable level.

P: The throttle lock makes the throttle lock.
S: Well, thatís kinda the reason why itís there for.

P: The radio is out of order.
S: The radio is always out of order, when the switch is in the OFF position.

P: I have a feeling thereís a crack in the windscreen.
S: I have a feeling you are right!

P: Missing engine #3.
S: Engine found on the right wing after some search effort...

P: The plane behaves funny.
S: The plane has been instructed to pull itself together, fly properly, and to be abit more serious!

P: The radar is growling.
S: The radar has been reconfigured to speech.

P: Mouse in the cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

08-05-2005, 08:37 PM
Qantas not Quantas :ears1:

08-05-2005, 09:17 PM
lol yes I remember that and I think I still have it somewhere...I work with airlines and this was all around the place a few years ago :D

...the autolanding thing is a bit disturbing :p

Jan Gaarni
08-06-2005, 05:32 AM
Qantas not Quantas :ears1:
I know. :)

Did I miss one before I posted or?

Oh, right, the title didn't change. :(

Ohwell, as long as I got the other ones corrected. :p

EDIT: Ah, there we go, found the way to edit the title aswell. :p
I forgot to change it when I posted it.

I posted this a couple or 3 years ago in the SWG Off Topic, and a friend of mine corrected me on it back then, so I knew it wasn't Quantas, but Qantas. ;)

...the autolanding thing is a bit disturbing :p
I'm sure there was an autopilot on it. :p

Hey, congrats with your promotion by the way, Darth333. :thumbsup:

Lynk Former
08-14-2005, 12:53 PM
A friends dad used to be a mechanic for Qantas, he quit cause Qantas cut so many corners with airline safety, he wondered how any of them stay up in the air as it is. But meh *shrugs* what can ya do.

Jan Gaarni
08-14-2005, 05:01 PM
There was a notation at the bottom the first time I posted this some years back that they had never had any serious accidents up till that point.

But I left it out this time seeing I have no idea how the company is doing today. :)

Lynk Former
08-15-2005, 12:17 AM
Qantas still hasn't had anything serious happen to them uptill now. They have incredible luck it seems :D lol.

01-02-2006, 10:46 PM
Lol nice.

P: Mouse in the cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Lol, well would like to see what a computerized cat will do.

01-02-2006, 11:26 PM
Good one! lol

Jeez I would hate to work there lol. Whats up with losing an engine? haha After some search effort lol These are great