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ForceFightWMe12
08-24-2005, 02:56 PM
Hi,
This is my first fanfic thingy, so bare with me here, i'm still trying to figure things out. Let me know what you think of it! I'll post the first chapter in about two minutes.


My story takes place not long after the destruction of the Star Forge. Revan is male and he traveled down the path of the Light, saving Bastila at the end. My plan is to begin with Revan and Bastila in between the happenings of KOTOR and KOTOR II, then head on to what happens with the Exile and crew after KOTOR II. Probably heading into KOTOR III heheh. Well, here goes nothing....

ForceFightWMe12
08-24-2005, 02:58 PM
Alright, here's the first chapter...



---Chapter One---


Revan woke with a start, bolting upright and hitting his head on the bunk above him. Letting a soft groan escape his lips, he rubbed the spot that was whacked. He tossed his legs over the edge of the bunk and put his head in his hands.
Why did this dream continue to plague him? Would he never escape it? He rubbed his eyes in exasperation. Ever since the destruction of the Star Forge…
“Revan?”
He looked up. Bastila stood in the doorway, leaning against the rounded frame, arms crossed over her chest.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” he responded.
“No, you’re not.”
Bastila was good at reading his emotions. Sometimes he thought she was too good.
“Was it the dream again?”
He nodded wordlessly.
She came over and sat down next to him, draping an arm over his shoulders and resting her head against his shoulder. He put his arm around her, holding her close. Those dreams were always so vivid…
“It’s alright, Revan. I’m here with you. Whatever comes, we shall do it together. They will never separate us.”
He held her closer.
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Revan whispered.
She put a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look her in the eye, “Revan, fear is a weakness. We shall do what needs to be done. We shall do it together. That is all there is to it.”
He put a hand on her cheek, stroking her skin with loving tenderness. “Yes. Yes, we will. That’s all there is to it.”
She lay her head back down on his shoulder, and closed her eyes. Just to be in his presence was intoxicating. Sometimes it scared her. If anything should ever happen to him…she shivered and she felt his arm tighten around her. She didn’t want to think about it. They were together. That was all that mattered.
Revan sat, holding Bastila to him, breathing in her scent, stroking her skin, savoring the moment. If these dreams did in fact come true…he somehow knew that there wouldn’t be too many more of these quiet moments left.
“I love you, Bastila.” he whispered.
“And I love you.” she answered.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/bf92b3bb.gif
__________________________________________-

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!!!

starmark2k
08-25-2005, 07:41 AM
I Like the start it seems very Star waars esqe to me. I also like the idea of having a Aftermath story. I look forward to seeing your take on it.

ForceFightWMe12
08-25-2005, 11:37 AM
Thanks, Starmark, glad you like it.
Now, just thought I should let you all know that I have a bit of trouble with spelling (heheh) so if there's anything misspelled, I would appreciate it if you would point it out. I know for a fact that there are a lot of misspelled names in this chapter, but I couldn't find the correct spelling, so I guessed. Heheh.

Oh and by the way, I saw that I had about...say...18 views or so. Yet...one reply. Hmmm...All I'm saying is if you have read it and so far like the story, then please, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. The more feedback, the quicker I'll update.

I also forgot to mention in my original post that I'm basing things on the way they happened in my game, lightsaber color, style, ect.

Now that I'm done rambling, I'll just get on with it....

__________________________________________________ ________

---Chapter Two---


The next morning, Revan sat in the pilot’s chair of the Ebon Hawk, head in hands. What was he going to do? Even with Bastila’s council, he couldn’t push the dream out of his mind. Every time he thought about it, a feeling of foreboding and fear fell over him. He couldn’t lose her…he wouldn’t lose her. Just thinking about what could happen made him feel sick. No, he would figure out what these dreams meant, then take care of it.
“Dweet dweet toood whaaaaaaaio!” T3 came rampaging in through the door at high speed, stopping only when he slammed into the co-pilot seat.
“What is it Tee-three?” Revan asked, standing.
“Dood eet breee bree breee!”
“Statement: Do not believe him, Master. He has gotten as bad as a meat-bag without his routine memory-wipes.”
“Ach-kay, come in here.” Revan said. Obediently, the assassin droid stalked into the cockpit.
“Query: You called, Master?”
“What were you doing that made Tee-three so upset?”
“Statement: I was only trying to make a repair to the little astromech.”
“DREEE DEET WHOOOT DEA!!” T3 whistled indignantly.
“Exclamation: Be quiet you pathetic drone! Get back to fixing your circuits!!”
“That’s enough, Ach-kay. Next time, ask him before you do something like that. I don’t want any accidents on this ship, understand?”
“Reluctant Acknowledgment: Yes, Master, I understand.”
“Good, now go about your duties, both of you.”
With that, the two droids walked and drove out of the cockpit.
What am I going to do with those two? Revan thought, sitting back down again.
“What was that about?”
Revan swiveled the chair to face the door. Bastila walked in and sat in the co-pilot seat, turning to face him.
“Apparently Ach-kay tried to ‘fix’ Tee-three and Tee-three didn’t like it. So he came careening in here.”
“I see.” Bastila said, staring out the front windshield. For the moment, they were drifting through the Dantooine sector. No course was plotted on the nav-computer and the auto-pilot was off. The engines were just barely humming, using only enough power to keep them stable. Other than that, they simply went along on the currents of the area.
“It’s so peaceful.” she said.
Revan nodded, watching the stars drift by as well. His arm was on the center break, and he leaned against it casually. He turned when Bastila took his hand.
“What will happen now?” she asked, still looking out.
“I…I don’t know. We’ll need to do our part to help rebuild the Republic, but…”
“Maybe we don’t need to do anything.” she was looking at him now, “Maybe we can just settle down somewhere, put up our lightsabers, and live the quiet life.”
Maybe they could. It would be so easy. Dantooine was open, they could easily go and live there. Or maybe somewhere in the Dxun jungles…
But no, he knew they couldn’t. They had to help the Republic.
“I wish we could.” he said, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb, “I wish we could…”
They were quiet for a moment, just looking into the vastness of space.
Then, “Where do you think the others are right now?” Bastila asked.
“Well, Carth should be on Courescant, Jolee went back to Kashyyk, I think…Mission and Zaalbar went back to help with the restoration effort on Taris…I believe Canderous went to Dxun, I have no clue why…I’m not sure where Jahauni went…”
“I think she went back to Dantooine. She said something about ‘finishing her journey’ before she left.”
There was another silence between them, each with their own thoughts.
Revan broke the silence first, “Bastila?”
“Hmm?” she said, turning to face him.
“No matter where we go from here, what happens, what we must do, I want you here with me, at my side, the entire time.”
“I would have it no other way.” she whispered.
He looked into her eyes and could not deny the love and caring that poured from them as she looked into his. As if there were a magnet between them, they leaned in towards each other. Bastila watched as his lips came closer and closer to hers…
“Query: Master?”
Bastila and Revan darted apart, both looking out into the hallway.
“Erm…yes Ach-kay?” Revan said, mastering his embarrassment.
“Query: Was that some form of mating ritual I interrupted?”
Bastila snorted into her hand.
“No, it wasn’t.” Revan answered.
“Contradiction: But the image taken from my photo-sensors fit ninety-percent into a reference from my data-core of-”
“It was nothing. You never saw anything, understood, Ach-kay?”
“Statement: Crystal clear, Master.” the assassin droid immediately accessed his memory-core and wiped the last five minutes.
“Now then, why did you come here?”
“Hesitant Statement: I’m…not sure, Master. In compliance with your order, I deleted my memory of the past few moments. Thus, I have forgotten what I came here for.”
A second later, the comm. alert went off.
“Recollection: That was it, Master. Admiral Onasi of the Republic fleet wishes to speak with you.”
“Thanks for the heads-up.” Revan said sarcastically.
“Statement: Of course, Master. I am here to serve.”
“Good. Now you’re dismissed.”
Without a further word, HK gave a stiff would-be bow and backed out of the room.
As soon as he was sure they were alone, Revan hit the comm. button. A two-inch tall holo-projection of Carth popped up on the reader as the link was opened.
“This is Admiral Onasi broadcasting to the Ebon Hawk. Ebon Hawk, are you receiving?”
“This is Revan of the Ebon Hawk. We are receiving your transmition clearly, Admiral.”
The ‘greeting’ done, Carth dropped his professional act. “Revan, it is so good to hear you’re voice again.”
“As is yours, Carth.”
“Is Bastila still with you?”
“Indeed. I’m sorry to say that she is perfectly alright and is standing next to me right now.”
Carth chuckled and Bastila strode into the eye of the holo-reader.
“Hello, Carth.” she said, as she subtly hit Revan for his last crack. “How are you?”
“I’m perfectly fine. And how has this vagabond been treating you?” he asked, nodding in Revan’s direction.
“Excuse me-?” Revan began but Bastila continued over him.
“Oh, I’m fine, thank you.”
“So then, what has the Admiral doing?” Revan asked, rocking back and forth on his heels.
“Never getting a moments peace, is what. As you must have figured, the Republic is in terrible shape. They’ve kept me on my toes, having my ships and me run back and forth across the galaxy, delivering supplies to refugees and helping the restoration efforts in most places. And what about you? What has the Prodigal Knight and his lovely assistant been up to?”
“You know, going here and there, following the call of the Force.” Revan answered.
Carth turned around, looking and talking to someone out of the eye of the holo-reader. He turned back to them.
“I’m sorry to cut this conversation short, but I must go.”
“Of course, I’m sure that the Republic needs their most valuable Admiral.” Bastila said.
“Stay in touch?” Carth asked.
“Of course.” Revan answered.
“Right, well, I’ll be seeing you. Admiral Onasi, out.”
As the connection broke, the holo-image of the man flickered and went out.
“Most valuable Admiral? And what am I? Bantha fodder?” Revan asked, turning to Bastila.
“Sorry,” she said crossing to him and tracing a finger along his chest, a smile on her face, “But I couldn’t very well let you have all the fun.”
He grabbed her wrist, pulling her closer to him. He looked into her eyes, a smile winding its way across his own lips, “Of course. But I'm afraid I'll have the last laugh."
“Really?” she said, draping her arms around his neck.
Without responding Revan leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. She put her hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer, and into a long, passionate kiss.
At that moment, HK was coming into the cockpit. When he saw the two entangled in their passion for each other, he turned on his heel and walked right back out.
“Statement: I’m really going to have to adjust my behavioral-core…” he mumbled as he did so.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/bf92b3bb.gif

Hallucination
08-25-2005, 01:36 PM
You're the best writer here at lucasforums. Keep the chapters coming. BTW It took me a while to find out that Ach-Kay meant HK.

Snafu7
08-25-2005, 10:20 PM
Great Job ForceFight, so far it's great, I eagerly await the next chapter.

ForceFightWMe12
08-26-2005, 12:14 PM
Hey all,
Thanks, I'm glad you all like it. Yeah, I tried to figure out how to transfer 'H' to different letters, and it didn't quite work. Heheh. So, yeah. Well, this is going to be the last chapter dealing with Revan for a while. Heheh. We'll be moving on to the Exile after this chapter, in case any of you really cared.

Well c'mon people, don't be shy, just write a response and tell me what you think!!!!!!!

__________________________________________________ _____________

---Chapter Three---


Darkness surrounded Revan. He could see nothing. There was no sound, no light; no sign of life at all. Yet, he could sense something through the Force…a central pivotal point where Force currents swirled round and round in a cyclone. He closed his eyes and settled into a trance. He watched as grey currents of Force turned a bright blue as they swirled around him. However, he could see that farther ahead, the grey was tinted pink. As it progressed, the currents turned a deeper and deeper red as they reached the pivotal point. Taking a mental note on the direction, Revan slipped out of the trance and followed the Force currents to the source of the cyclone. As he walked, a light appeared on the edge of his vision. He ran, using the Force to separate the air and lend speed to his feet.
As he came up on the light, he slowed down. The Dark Side aura was powerful here. Almost over powering. Much stronger than it was even on the Star Forge when he faced Malak.
The pivotal point was four figures, dressed in large, billowy black robes. However, inside that circle of Darkness was a Light. A small but strong blue spot in the center of the red. The Light aura was familiar…
“Bastila!” he shouted, running again.
The four figures turned towards him as he approached, roused by his shout.
“Revan!” the fifth figure said. The voice was defiantly Bastila’s, but weak, if overjoyed.
“Who are you?” Revan asked, this time addressing the four other figures.
“We are the Ones Forgotten. They have stolen Our name, but they are not Us. They believe they are the Originals, but they are not. We are. We are the True enemy.” four voices spoke in unison. The sound of them sent shivers down his spine. But more importantly, they held Bastila prisoner.
“Release her!”
“Never. Come to Us, Prodigal Knight. Come to Us. You’re Fate lies not among the Light as does this pitiful follower. No, You belong with Us. Come to Us, unleash your full Power. For We are the True ones of Power. We know what you need. We know how to give It to you.”
“No, I will not follow you, I will not be swayed.” Revan said.
“Very well then, in your decision, you have forfeited her life.” Simultaneously, four pillars of molten fire ignited in the hands of the figures with a hiss. They stepped towards Bastila.
“NO!!!!!” Revan bellowed, igniting his own double blades of crystalline blue. Revan ran, yet he barely moved.
“REVAN!” Bastila screamed.
The figures neared.
He used the Force to lend speed to his flight, yet he could still barely move.
Bastila tried to run to him, but she was slowed just as he was.
The four figures raised their lightsabers.
They struck down.
There was a sizzling, hissing sound and the scent of burned flesh.
Bastila fell to the ground.
“NO!” Revan yelled, stopping in his tracks. “No…” he fell to his knees.

Revan started as he woke up.
He was breathing heavily and his face was slick with sweat.
He looked around and saw Bastila, still in his arms. She was still asleep, still breathing. Still alive.
Her head lay on his chest, and he stroked the side of her face.
“Savior, conqueror, hero, villain. You are all of these things, Revan... and yet you are nothing. In the end, you belong to neither the light nor the darkness. You will forever stand alone.”
Revan shivered as Malak’s words came to him.
Those god d*mned dreams would never leave him alone.
He no longer wanted to sleep, for fear of what it would bring. Yet, each night he was forced to relive that horror.
He refused to believe that that would ever happen. Bastila would never die. He would not allow it. He would die to save her, if the need arose.
Then an idea came to him. There was still one…one last person that could help him…another Master…she could help him…she could have the answers, with all the Sith holocrons she had…
But he knew that as soon as he enlisted her help, he would have to leave the galaxy. He had to find who these ‘Ones Forgotten’ were.
He also knew that...he would need to go alone. Without Bastila. He couldn’t risk her safety…

When Bastila woke, Revan wasn’t beside her. And the ship was moving. Confused, she got up and headed to the cockpit.
Sure enough, Revan sat in the pilot seat, adjusting and maneuvering the controls. The surface of Corescant loomed closer and closer in the front veiwscreen.
“Revan?”
He didn’t turn to face her. “We’re running low on supplies.” was all he said.
“Something’s bothering you.” she said, sensing the dark cloud of worry and regret around him.
“No, I’m fine.” his voice was empty and emotionless.
Deciding to leave it be for the moment, Bastila sat down in the co-pilot seat.
“Where are we landing?”
“The Jedi Temple.” he said as they entered the atmosphere.

As the pistons on the landing gears fired and the ship lurched to a halt, Revan sat back. How was he going to ask Bastila to stay behind?
Bastila flipped a switch and Revan heard a humming as the loading ramp was lowered to the dock.
She stood and began to walk out.
Revan took a deep breath. He stood as well, grabbing her upper arm. Before his courage failed him, he said, “Bastila, I need to ask you to do something.”
“Anything for you.” she said, a smile crossing her lips. She thought this was a joke.
He took another deep breath, letting it out slowly, “I…I need you to stay behind.”
The smile faded instantly from Bastila’s face. “W-what?”
“I think I know what these dreams are about…and I need to set things right. But, I can’t let you come with me.”
“But Revan-”
“Please, don’t argue with me. This is hard enough already.” he said, and sure enough, Bastila could see tears glistening in his eyes.
“No…no, Revan, please! You said that you wanted me with you-”
“Everywhere but here. I’m sorry, Bastila. Tearing out my heart and feeding it to a Kryat Dragon would be less painful than parting with you, but it is for you’re safety. I’ve told you about my dreams, we both know how they end. If that were to really happen…” his voice faltered.
Bastila put a hand to his cheek. “Revan…”
“Just this once, Bastila. Please.” Tears poured freely from his eyes.
She could feel her own eyes watering.
She pulled him towards her and kissed him. Her own tears mixed with his.
When they broke away, she leaned on his chest, tears staining his robes. “I never want to be apart.” she whispered.
He enveloped her in his strong arms, “Neither do I. But, please, just this once. I beg of you, stay behind. If you die, then I will have no reason to live. What’s the use of being a Jedi, being Savior of the Galaxy, without you?”
“Oh, but Revan, I would surely die if we were apart.”
“I’m sorry, but it needs to be done. And I need to do it alone.”
Bastila looked at him through her tears. She backed out of his arms, stubbornly brushing the tears from her eyes. I am a Jedi, I am above this. she thought to herself, but she knew that she would never be able to be strong without him.
“Very well, then. Though it tears my heart in two, I…I will stay here.” she said. Even the words brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes, but she bravely held them at bay.
“Thank you, Bastila. Thank you. I will return as quickly as I can.”
“It will never be soon enough.” she whispered.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

Snafu7
08-26-2005, 06:32 PM
another great addition to the story, keep up the good work.

Hallucination
08-26-2005, 06:43 PM
More brilliance from the.. um brilliant? Keep up the great work!

starmark2k
08-28-2005, 10:39 AM
This is really good you have captured the Characters perfectly... i eagerly await the rest.

ForceFightWMe12
08-28-2005, 03:14 PM
Thanks everyone, I'm glad you like it so far. I'm glad I'm thought of as 'brilliant' :) and I do my best to make the characters as life-like as possible. Glad you find my story entertaining.

As I said, that will be the last chapter with Revan for a while. I'm not quiet sure when I'll be reintroducing him, but he will come back, don't you worry.

For now, I'm going to be switching into the future with the Exile and others. As I did with Revan, I'm going to have details the way I had them when I played through the game.

In other words, the Exile is male, followed the Light path, and weilds a blue double-bladed saberstaff. I'll call him Elron as his name is in my game in order to avoid confusion and just make the story flow better as well as make things easier for me.

Handmaiden, who I will call by her real name: Briana, has become the Exile's apprentice in the ways of the Force. We have yet to see if any others will become his apprentices as well.

For the 'romance' part of the plot, the Exile is bouncing between Briana, Visas, as well as Mira. For the moment, he has shown some...overdo attention to Briana and Visas. The two...aren't exactly on good terms, as usual.

I think thats about it for now. I'll update soon!

ForceFightWMe12
08-29-2005, 09:09 AM
Alright everybody, here's the next chapter...

Read and tell me what you think! I know its a little short, but...

__________________________________________________ __________
---Chapter Four---


l-l Years Later l-l

Just…if you find him, tell him that Admiral Onasi is doing his job.
“Well, he isn’t here.” Elron mumbled to himself as he stumbled up the loading ramp into the Ebon Hawk. Not even given time to steady himself, he flew backwards as Atton hit the Hyperdrive. As he slumped to the floor, he didn’t even have the strength to stand.
He coughed and tasted blood on his lips. His fight with Kreia was…less than enjoyable. And the fact that she had used to be his teacher didn’t help things.
He looked up as he heard running footsteps.
“Elron!!” Briana came skidding around the corner to kneel next to him, quickly followed by Visas.
A trickle of blood leaked from the Handmaiden's forehead and Visas had a sizeable bruise on her cheek.
“What…What happened to you guys?” Elron asked.
“Nothing compared to what happened to you.” Briana answered, “Help me bring him to the med-bay.” she said to Visas.
The Miraluka put one of Elron’s arms over her shoulder as the Echani pulled his other arm over hers.
Together, they pulled Elron up and into the med-bay, where he lay on the table, just thankful for the rest.
He was only semi-conscious as sections of his armor were pulled off and minor wounds were treated. However, a sedative was administered to him soon after, and welcome blackness enveloped him…

“How is he?” Atton’s voice echoed.
“A watched pot never boils.” Briana’s voice answered.
“Indeed. The Exile is still deeply wounded. It may take a while until he stirs.” Visas’s voice agreed.
“So then, Atton, exactly where are we?” Mira’s voice asked.
“On the outskirts of Naar Shadaa. We really don’t have anywhere to go until Elron wakes up and decides what he wants to do.”
“Query: Is the meatbag – I mean, Master, awake yet?”
“No Ach-kay, now go clean your rifle or something.” Atton answered.
“Indignant Response: Well, sorry for interrupting, I was only fearing for the Master’s health.”
“Just go.”
Footsteps could be heard as some of the others left.
“Hey, Handmaiden.” Atton’s voice sounded again.
“What is it?”
“Just…remember what I said about this not being a pleasure yacht, okay? I have a camera in the security station that pans this room. I’ll be able to see you.”
“You know nothing of which you speak!” Briana said angrily.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember, I’m watching you.”
“Ingrate.”
“Schutta.”
Beyond that, Elron knew nothing…

Elron blinked, trying to clear his blurry vision. When he was able to see, he looked around and spotted Briana near by, ticking away at a keyboard.
He tried to move but the effort sent pain shocking through his entire body.
“Urgh…” he moaned, clutching the bed sheets in his hand.
His vision blurred again but he saw Briana turn around and come over to him.
“Elron! You’re awake. Thank the gods.” she said passionately.
“How long have I been out?” he asked through gritted teeth.
“Five days.”
“Five days?!?” Elron immediately tried to get up again, but Briana grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back onto the bed.
“No, don’t move. You’re not strong enough.”
“Please, I don’t want to be out any longer than I have to-”
“Elron.” Briana said warningly.
“Alright, alright, no need to freak out.” he said, allowing her to push him back down.
He sat quietly and watched as she changed one of the bandages on his arm.
“Where are we?”
“Atton’s keeping us around the outer edge of the Naar Shadaa system. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up before deciding what to do next.” Briana said as she tied off the bandage.
“Hmm…” Elron said, nodding. The effort made him light headed.
“You really should get some sleep.” she said.
“C’mon, I’ve been sleeping for five days straight. I think I’ve rested enough.”
She smiled and left his side, turning back to rap on the keyboard some more, saying nothing.
He sighed and stared at the ceiling.
“What will happen now?” she asked quietly, her voice barely louder than a whisper. Her back was still to him.
“Hmm?” the Exile lifted his head and looked at her.
“Our foes have been defeated in battle. The Council lies dead. Our trials are complete. Where do we go from here? What have we yet to accomplish?” she said, her voice slightly stronger this time.
“I…I don’t know.” Elron sat thinking for a while before he said, “We’ll have to follow the Admiral’s wishes.”
Now the Handmaiden turned to look at him. “Wishes?”
“Yes, before we left for…that place,” he said, not trusting himself to say the name of the world that he had just destroyed. For a second time. “I met with Admiral Onasi of the Republic. He asked…” his voice faltered as a fresh wave of pain shot through his body, “He asked me, that if I ever found Revan, to tell him that the Admiral is doing his job. While it seems as lowly a request as any, there’s something hidden behind his words.
“There was another there with him. While…she was not in the room, I could feel her presence as strongly as if she were standing right next to me. And the longing.”
“She?” Briana asked, sitting on the edge of his bed.
“Yes. I remember sensing that presence before…it echoed though me like a half-forgotten dream. But it was her, I’m sure of it. It was Bastila Shan.”
“The Bastila Shan? The very one who saved and traveled with Revan?”
“The very one. She was there, in the next room, and I could feel her pain, her longing, and…her fear. She misses Revan dearly. I dare to say that she loved him.”
“Loved him? But love is a feeling that Jedi are supposed to be above. They should be immune to feelings of the heart.”
“Aye, they should, but,” he looked into her eyes, “sometimes, it cannot be stopped. You have seen it many times. Your mother, for example. She was one of the strongest Jedi of her time, yet she could not resist her feelings for your father. The very same with…even Atris…” he looked away, his eyes downcast.
“I’m sorry, I should not have opened old wounds.” she said, and began to get up.
“No, no, don’t. It’s alright, I’m fine.” he said, reaching out and grabbing her upper arm.
She sat back down, and after a short silence, she asked, “Where do you think he went? If Bastila apparently loved him so deeply that you could sense her emotions as you did, then it would stand to reason that perhaps he too had feelings for her. What could tear them apart? Especially after the battles and trials that they had been through?”
“I can’t be sure…without knowing what had transpired and where…they…had gone…” Elron’s face suddenly lit, up. “That’s it!”
“What?”
“The nav-computer! If we can somehow get through and break the voice-lock, then maybe we can figure out where Revan had gone before he disappeared!”
“It could work…but it’s as voice-print lock. That won’t be easy to bypass.”
“Ach-kay…Ach-kay can play back voices that he’s heard before. If we can somehow restore his memory-core, then maybe he can use his recordings of Revan’s voice to repeat the code, there by unlocking the navi-computer!” Elron said, a smile tugging at his lips at his new-found genius.
The ghost of a smile flickered across Handmaiden’s face, “Perhaps. But for now, you need to rest.” she said, got up and left.
Watching after her, Elron steeled himself for a few, long days of lying on his back and doing absolutely nothing.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

RC-1162
08-30-2005, 06:35 AM
yeah right short! check mine out, its shorter than this and i must say, your story is great. i only suggest that you get the spellings of the planets correct
Coruscant
Nar Shadda

ForceFightWMe12
08-30-2005, 09:35 AM
Lol, well, its shorter I guess you could say.

Thanks, i was having some trouble finding the correct spellings, so I guessed.

Glad you like it!

Hallucination
08-30-2005, 11:39 AM
Even more brilliance from you.. damn I had a good one.. I'll post it later. Oh yeah, you should change your name to ForceTypesWMe12 ;) keep up the great work.

ForceFightWMe12
08-30-2005, 05:50 PM
Lol, thats a good one. I think I'll stick with Fight though.

Thanks, I'm glad you like it. I should be updating...soon. Not quiet sure when yet...

DarthSion101
08-30-2005, 08:57 PM
Nice story....Revans dream...is awesomely twisted and dark. 2 thumbs way up!!!!!!!!!

ForceFightWMe12
08-30-2005, 09:53 PM
Thanx, glad you like it. I tried to make it dark, so hearing that from a Dark Lord is great. Lol. I should be updating...eventually, but I'm having a bit of writter's block...heheh...

Hallucination
08-30-2005, 10:43 PM
Two thumbs up is nothing, it deserves 3 thumbs! ;)

ForceFightWMe12
08-30-2005, 11:15 PM
lol, you're all too kind

i swear i'll update soon

ForceFightWMe12
09-02-2005, 12:03 PM
Hey all,
Sorry it's taken me so long to update and this chapter's pretty short, but I've been busy (School's starting again, noooooo) and i also currently have writter's block (d*amn), so I'm not exactly happy with this chapter, but it'll have to do for now i guess...
I'm going to stop babbling now...

__________________________________________________ _____-

---Chapter Five---


After days of lying on that table in the med-bay, Elron refused to stay down any longer. He had regained the use of his limbs without having spasms of pain, and so found that he was fine.
As a result, he quickly began work on restoring Ach-kay’s memory, with help from Bao-Dur and Tee-three.

“How have the repairs been going?” Briana asked as she sat down next to the Exile with a tray of food in her hand.
“Well…I wouldn’t say they were going bad …”
“But not too productive?” the Handmaiden finished.
“Yeah, pretty much. We’ve discovered an unknown program in his core, but we can’t figure out what it is or what it does.”
“Statement: Pardon me, Master, but I recall that the Astromech droid was with me as well during that time period.” HK said from the corner that he was currently standing in, T3 zooming around his feet.
“Yeah, that’s exactly why Tee-three is helping us restore you.”
“Explanation: No, Master, what I mean is: Perhaps the little droid has something to do with the lock-down of the navi-computer. Perhaps he has the means to open it.”
“Dwooo….” T3 stopped darting around.
“Tee-three?” Elron asked, turning towards the astromech.
“Dweet…dwee doodle doot.” it whistled haltingly.
“Do you?”
“…Dweee…” it said hesitantly.
“Tee-three, I need you to tell me.”
Not responding, the little droid left the room.
A look passed between master and apprentice before they got up and followed T3. They found him standing in front of the navi-computer, accessing the lock.
“Voiceprint: Are three, one five.” the voice of Revan floated out of a speaker in T3’s frame.
There was a beep, a click, and another beep before a map expanded from the navi-computer.
“He unlocked it…” Briana said.
“He did…” Elron said. Staring at the navi-computer for a moment, he then went to the galaxy-map and programmed a course for Telos.
“Hold on everyone!” he said as he punched in the hyper-space coordinates and they shot away into space like an arrow from a bow.

“We need to see Admiral Onasi.” the Exile said to the docking authority on the Station, “Immediately.”
“Who should we address you as?”
“Tell him that the Exile has some information for him.”
“Right away, sir.”

An hour later, Carth Onasi stood before them.
“Yes, Exile?” he asked.
“Remember how you asked me to find Revan?”
He didn’t need to say any more as a look of hope and excitement spread across the Admiral’s face.
“Show me.”

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

MdKnightR
09-02-2005, 02:08 PM
This is really a great story! And you are still in school? Amazing! Or are you a college student? It is unfortunate that you had to cut your last chapter so short. I really didn't notice how short until the last 2 paragraphs. Please keep them coming! This is some of the best fan fiction I have ever read, Star Wars or otherwise!

Anyway, I believe that Brianna is spelled with 2 "n"s and (Nar) Shaddaa with 2 "d"s and 3 "a"s.

ForceFightWMe12
09-02-2005, 02:18 PM
Thanks, I have a lot of trouble with spelling. Heheh.

Actually, I'm heading into the 8th grade. Still a little while until college, lol.

Thanks, I'm glad you like it so much. I've got a bit of writter's block at the moment (dun dun duuunn) so that's another reason why I had to cut it short.

I should be updating...eventually...

Hallucination
09-02-2005, 05:17 PM
Even more brilliance. Keep up the great work. So your in grade 8? Man I'm glad I just got out of there.

ForceFightWMe12
09-02-2005, 05:19 PM
Thanks, glad you like it. I didn't. heheh.

I'm 13 actually...

MdKnightR
09-03-2005, 04:32 AM
You write better than most people twice your age! Keep up the good work!

ForceFightWMe12
09-03-2005, 09:48 AM
Thanks! :D

RC-1162
09-04-2005, 02:41 PM
damn. youre great, im in the eight grade too but my story comes nowhere closer to yours in terms of class and style. Great work!

ForceFightWMe12
09-04-2005, 09:48 PM
Thanks, Yuuzhan, I'm glad you like it so much.

Again, I'm sorry, but I've had to cut this chapter a little short as well.

Now then, on we go!

__________________________________________________ __________

---Chapter Six---

“Alright, let’s see…” the Exile said, beginning to scan through the nav’s history. “We have…the Star Forge System…Dantooine…Kashyyk…Taris…Dxun…”
“That must be when he was dropping the rest of the crew off.” Carth said, watching the planets scan by.
“Then we’ve got…Nar Shaddaa…Onderon…Dantooine…Courescant…and…” they watched with bated breath as the last entry in the nav. computer scrolled into view, “…the Star Forge System. Again.”
“But then how did the Republic cruiser pick it up? It was out by the Peragus station.” Carth asked.
“I know, that just doesn’t add up…” Elron said.
“Excuse me.” Brianna said, pushing between them and pulling up the full galaxy map. Several planets popped into life as pulsing dots of light. She hit another button and a red line grew between the different pulsing lights like a connect-the-dots.
“There.” she said.
“Oh…” Elron said, surprised that he hadn’t thought of it.
“Wait a second.” Atton said, “There’s the Star Forge System,” he said, pointing to a light, “there’s Dantooine, Kashyyk, Taris, Dxun, Nar Shaddaa, Onderon, Dantooine, Courescant, and then his second visit to the Star Forge System. But then, look at this.” he said, tracing a finger along a final red line that lead to another point of light outside the system.
“What is that?” Visas asked.
“Good question,” the Exile answered, pinpointing and enlarging the area.
“It’s a planet!” Carth exclaimed.
“Aye…but why didn’t it come up in the Nav-computer?” the Exile said.
“Who knows, but I bet you we’ll find something there.” Carth said, “Can I use your comm.?”
“Sure…” Elron said, still scanning the map.
The Admiral activated the comm. punching in a few numbers.
“Bastila, we’ve got a clue.”

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

MdKnightR
09-05-2005, 12:21 AM
Short and sweet, but good. Allow me to request something...if you are having writer's block, please take your time. Even though I am quite anxious to read each new installment, I would rather wait if it means longer chapters. Keep up the good work!

Oh, and by the way, Kashyyyk is spelled with 3 "y"s.

ForceFightWMe12
09-05-2005, 10:11 AM
I knew I was spelling one of them wrong!! Thanks for pointing that out.

Sure, I guess I could do that. But, as you pointed out, it may take a while longer...

Well, I'm glad you like it!

RC-1162
09-05-2005, 02:19 PM
Good one again, it would be better if it was longer as knight said.
spelling help:
Coruscant

ForceFightWMe12
09-12-2005, 06:50 PM
Thanks for the help everyone! As promised, her is a longer chapter...

__________________________________________________ ______

---Chapter Seven---

As the Jedi joined them, Carth and Atton punched in new hyperspace coordinates, and the ship shot away

“So tell me, Carth, what have you found?” Bastila asked as the Admiral handed the controls over to Atton.
“It actually wasn’t me who found it, it was the Exile.” Carth said, pointing over to Elron who was still studying the holo-image of the unknown planet.
Bastila walked over, standing next to Elron. “Any ideas?” she asked.
“None. I’ve never seen this planet before…I didn’t even know it existed…” the Exile’s voice faded into silence.
“Do you think he’s there?” Bastila said, her voice faltering and tears threatening to fall.
“It’s…hard to say…this is the last entry in the charts…but I have no idea. I would think so…”
“Well,” Carth said, joining them, “We’ll find out when we get there, won’t we?”

A few hours later, Elron and Briana sat meditating in the cargo hold. Slowly, Elron stood.
“Are you ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” the Handmaiden said, whipping out her pike.
“Right.” Elron said, hefting a double-bladed Echani foil.
They both slid into a fighting stance, each watching the other for a movement that would betray their next move.
Elron decided to take the offensive. He leaped forward, swinging down. As his apprentice lowered her pike to ward off the attack, Elron quickly switched his grip, pulling the blade up, and it passed just under her chin as she jumped back. Elron spun into a kneel, swinging his blades across, aiming for her legs, but she nimbly jumped the seeking edge, flipping her pike and forcing the point downward as she came back down to the deck. Elron rolled out of the way, landing in a crouch. His legs firing like pistons, he again leapt at her, blade held high. He struck at her left, then her right, brought the blade up, then back down again, swept across her middle, kicked out at her, and slammed his blade down hard.
However, each attack was blocked or dodged by the Echani warrior. He flung yet another blow at her, but she blocked it yet again. However, this time their blades caught in mid-air, and neither gave way. Each pushed against the other, locked in a contest of strength, trying to force the other’s blade down.
Then, the Handmaiden used a Force-push, blowing Elron away a few paces, but he stopped himself before going too far. But, he stopped within range of her pike. She whipped the other end of the pike up, landing a vicious blow to Elron’s right cheek, drawing blood. The force of the hit knocked Elron to the floor. As Briana, brought her pike up to finish the duel, Elron rolled away, rolled back, knocked her legs out from under her, and rested a dull edge of a blade at her throat.
Breathing rather heavily, she acknowledged the defeat, and Elron extended a hand, helping her to her feet.
“Thanks.” she said as she fought to catch her breath.
“Good fight. You’re getting better.” Elron said, setting the Echani foil against the wall.
Just then, they exited hyperspace.
There was a jolt and Briana lost her balance. Before she hit the ground, Elron caught her, and they ended up in a rather…awkward position.
“Thanks again…” she said with a smile.
“No problem.” he said, returning her grin.
“Ahem…”
Elron looked up to see Visas standing in the doorway. Her eyes were narrowed in…was it jealousy?...at the lack of space between apprentice and master. Elron hastily stood, helping Briana to stand again.
“If I could…interrupt you for a moment, Master, we have reached our destination.” she said.
“Right…thank you, Visas.” he said, and she walked away, him following. He paused before leaving the room, turning back to Briana. He opened his mouth to say something, but his courage faltered, and he said, “Coming?”
“Of course, master.” she said, securing her lightsaber to her belt.

The planet was a misty, dark, swamp and forest filled piece of space rock that appeared uninhabited. Animals ran through the foliage, dancing on the edge of vision, before disappearing again. Screeches and squawks echoed and bounced around the clearing that the Ebon Hawk had set down in.
“Oooookay, this has to be just about the creepiest place that I’ve ever been. I doubt that even Voga’s restroom is scarier than this place.” Mira said as she surveyed the area.
“Looks deserted to me.” Atton said.
“I saw a building as we came down.” Bastila said as she stepped off the loading ramp.
“As did I.” said Bao-Dur, “If I’m not mistaken, it’s further north of here.”
“Well, I guess that would be a good place to start.” Carth said, pulling a blaster from his holster, “If its one thing that I learned while traveling with Revan, it’s that you never want to go unprepared.” he said at the others incredulous looks.

They began to trudge through the foliage, cutting away underbrush, branches, and vines as they went along.
A shiver went down Elron’s spine as they marched.
“Elron,” Briana asked, “are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine…it’s just…this place brings back some bad memories. It’s too much like…”
“Dxun.” the Handmaiden finished, remembering her master’s reaction to being on the surface of the moon.
On the moon itself, Elron had been able to distract himself by concentrating on the tasks at hand…but this place…there was something about it. He just couldn’t push that battle of years passed out of his mind.
Every time he heard a branch break or a bush rustle, he would whip around, drawing his lightsaber. A Mandalorian visor would flash before his eyes for a split second, then he would realize that it was just an animal.

“It’s just ahead.” Bastila said from the front of their little procession, cutting away a layer of vines from their path with her yellow lightsaber.
As they stepped through the new opening, light pressed against their eyes.
They entered a clearing where the trees had been cut away, and a large pillar of light shone in the center.
Elron blinked several times, allowing his eyes to adjust to the sudden light compared to the dark that he and his companions had traveled through for the past couple of hours. As his eyes focused, the beam of light began to define itself. Stone and walls began to form out of the light, casting dark shadows on the ground behind it. Steps, levels, turrets, and battlements took shape from the yellow brick.
Before them, stood what appeared to be an ancient academy. And atop the highest battlement, looking down at them, was a black figure.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

Snafu7
09-12-2005, 07:18 PM
Another Great chapter, good job.

ForceFightWMe12
09-12-2005, 08:57 PM
Thanks, Snafu, glad you like it!

Snafu7
09-12-2005, 09:33 PM
Yah, it's a great story, I almost jumped out of my chair, when I saw you posted in this thread

ForceFightWMe12
09-12-2005, 09:53 PM
:D Thanks, I'm flattered, lol. :D

MdKnightR
09-12-2005, 11:56 PM
Excellent chapter! Can't wait for the next one! (but don't rush it ;))

RC-1162
09-13-2005, 08:03 AM
thats cool, i did do what snafu almost did :D
one Q: you have seen the Disney Movie named The Emperor's New Groove, right? im sure you have.
ill bet youll become a great writer in the years to come
*raises both his thumbs and his big toes as well*
FOUR thumbs up :D

ForceFightWMe12
09-13-2005, 05:11 PM
Lol, thanks guys!
and
A: Yes, I've seen The Emperor's New Groove:D

I'm working on the next chapter now...

RC-1162
09-14-2005, 07:58 AM
i knew it, thats one of my fav movies. i could tell because:
“Oooookay, this has to be just about the creepiest place that I’ve ever been.”
by Mira is very similar to:
"Oooooookay, that was the freakiest thing I've ever seen."
by Kuzco.

looking forward to the update. take it slow.

ForceFightWMe12
09-14-2005, 03:14 PM
Lol, we have a winner! Don't worry, I'm taking it nice and easy....

RC-1162
09-15-2005, 05:59 AM
I dint mean too slow, :D, your story is one im always waiting for.

"I dont make deals with peasants"
recognise that? :D

ForceFightWMe12
09-15-2005, 03:15 PM
Well, glad to hear that. I am working on it currently...I can't be sure when the next chapter will be finished, however. Heheh....

Cuzco, Emperor's New Groove.

"I nabbed you, right outta the air!"

:D

Sithums
09-15-2005, 09:31 PM
Nice story so far. Not the greatest but it is still a pretty good story. Nice storyline so far, kept to how the origonal went and then basically added your verson of why Revan left. Anyway keep up the good work, I look forward to the next chapter.

ForceFightWMe12
09-15-2005, 11:19 PM
Thanks, glad you like it.

Anyway, here's the next chapter....

__________________________________________________

---Chapter Eight---


Even as they watched, a powerful Force signature burst over them. It came such a surprise and at such strength that Elron was nearly knocked off his feet. The black figure seemed to take one last look at them, before turning with a swirl of a cloak, and left their sight.
“It’s him…” Bastila said, tears coming to her eyes and voice shaking. Elron could feel the excitement and apprehension literally pouring from her, but she quickly fought to control herself. “I know it is!”
“It could be him,” Carth said. He seemed on edge, “But we don’t know what his intentions are. He’s been gone a long time…something could have changed.”
“Well, there’s only one way to find out.” Elron said, and walked to the building’s gate.
Just as he touched the steel double doors, there was a loud creek, and they began to slowly drag inward. Bastila stood next to him, waiting passively to see what lay on the other side.
As the gate creaked to a halt, a dark hallway was revealed beyond. Even though he used the Force to enhance his vision, Elron could see nothing but darkness after the first few feet. Footsteps echoed off the walls back to them.
The entire party looked with batted breath as a figure strode from the darkness…
The man wore old, battered traveling robes that looked strangely like those of a Jedi. However, he stopped just before his face was revealed from the shadows.
He stood grimly before them, surveying them. He cast an eye over them all…and stopped at Bastila.
“To think that I would ever see that face again…”
Bastila could hardly stop herself from jumping forward. It was Revan’s voice. He stepped from the shadows, and there before them, stood Lord Revan, the Prodigal Knight.

“Bastila…Carth…I never thought I would ever see you two again.” Revan said as he led the group into the building.
“We didn’t think we would ever see you again,” Carth said, “Truth be told…we thought you were dead.”
Revan gave a harsh chuckle, “Dead? No. Weary and lost, yes.”
“What happened after you left?” Elron asked.
Revan paused for a moment. “I’m sorry, Elron, was it?” he asked and the exile nodded. “Well…we’ll talk more about that after you’ve had some rest.”

Revan lead them down what appeared to be the main corridor. While many others branched off of it and continued into darkness, Revan bypassed these and continued on until they had reached the end of the stone hallway.
“This…” he said as the door slid open, “Is the main conference room. It’s…a Great Hall, of sorts.”
Beyond the door was a large room. As soon as the group stepped through the door, lights flickered into life, illuminating the bare stone walls.
Ancient tables spanned the room. A vision of the place filled with alien students flashed passed Elron’s eyes. He shook his head, clearing his vision once again. Where did that come from? he wondered.

Revan lead them to a round table in the center of the hall, where he sat on one of the carved wood benches. The others took positions around him, Bastila on Revan’s right, and Carth on his left.
“So…my journey…” Revan said, steepling his fingers, “Where to begin…”
He was silent for a time, thinking, and the others kept quiet out of respect. Bastila’s eyes never seemed to leave Revan’s muscular, imposing form, filled with…was it…longing?
“Well…” Revan began, “after Bastila, Carth, and I did our part to kill Malak and destroy the Star Forge, things…began to happen, to change.
“I began to see visions of…terrible things.” Revan glanced at Bastila and a shiver seemed to go down his spine, but he continued, “These visions portrayed a group of Dark Jedi, more evil and vile than any I’ve ever seen. They called themselves the Forgotten Ones , the True Enemy . And so, for fear of what this would mean to the Republic and the Jedi, I sought them out.
“After all the others in my party departed, I left to Telos. There, I found an old master of mine, one far wiser than any that I have ever known…and far more twisted. Her knowledge of ancient secrets was unparalleled…but she was too manipulative for her own good. Some think that she was the reason why I fell in the first place. But anyway…
“I sought out my old master, and through her, learned of an ancient order of Sith. The real Sith, the true Sith, the Ancient Sith. They were the originals, the species that founded the Order. They were supposed to have died out years ago…but after detailing my visions, my master could find no other that would match their description. So, she told me of an old academy on a far off planet, beyond the Outer Rim; this one. So, I began my journey here.
“However, soon after, just outside the Peragus mining colony, I was attacked. A ghost ship, one that I recognized…from a long time ago…suddenly jumped from hyperspace right in front of me as I was planning my next jump. They were too close and left no maneuvering space for either of us. The cannons were charging, and there was nothing that I could do. A simple freighter such as the Ebon Hawk could not take on that behemoth. So, before I was blasted into space dust, I shut down the Ebon Hawk, put on a space suit, and went outside. From there, I was able to hijack a small fighter that had been dispersed from the warship, plot a course for this planet, and jumped.
“However, my hasty coordinates took me too close to the planet, and I began my descent before I was ready. The fighter began to wheel out of control, so I ejected. As the fighter continued on to crash into a cliff, I fell to the forest floor, and from there, searched for this academy.
“After two days of searching, I finally found this place. And since then, I’ve been here, trying to figure out who and where the Ancient Sith are…and trying to get off of this planet.”
Silence followed Revan’s tale. They were all stunned that something like that would have happened.
So that’s why the Harbringer found the Ebon Hawk out there… Elron thought.
He looked up to find Revan staring at him.
“I know you…I know I do…Elron? Elron! You served under me during the Mandalorian Wars!” he exclaimed, sitting forwards in his seat.
Elron stood and saluted, “Aye, General Elron at your service, my lord.”
“That’s what I thought…however, I will not pester you with questions now. You look as if you’ve been through a lot. Come, I will show you to the dormitories where you may get some rest.”
Revan stood as did the others.

He led them down a side corridor, passed a few doors, up a flight of stairs, down a few more corridors, and down one final hallway, where he stopped. There were several doors lining either side of the stone passage.
“Take your pick, your welcome to use any of them.” He said, gesturing at the numerous doors and the rooms that lay beyond them.
As the others sought out a room, Revan tapped Bastila on the shoulder, and signaled her to follow him.

Before long, they arrived in what appeared to be a library. The walls were lined with holorecords and ancient holocrons. However, one was not. The wall farthest from the door was an immense window that spanned the room, overlooking the forest below.
There Revan stood, legs shoulder-width apart and hands clasped behind him, gazing over the landscape as a lord would his kingdom.
As it was plain that Revan wasn’t going to begin the conversation, Bastila said, “It has been a long time since you left…”
“Aye.” was the only answer forth coming.
“Many things have changed…but some things never do.”
He turned half-way around, looking at her.
“Revan…I was sure that you were dead…and it tore me up inside…to think that you would never again be at my side…” tears began to rush to her eyes, but she held them at bay.
He walked over to her, taking her hand, “Oh but Bastila, I have been dying a little more every single day that we were not together.”
Unable to stem the flow of tears any longer, Bastila flung herself into his arms, crying into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as he had once done.
They were together. That was all that mattered.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

________________________________________

Surprise surprise! Yeah, right, like we didn't all know that was gonna happen...

Hallucination
09-16-2005, 12:04 AM
Brilliant!! Five thumbs up! This is easily the best fanfic on LF. To bad I had to read last chapter after this chapter... damn french teacher taking away my reading time.
Welcome to the forums Sithums.

RC-1162
09-16-2005, 03:06 AM
Yeah, welcome and no offense, but i think youve been hit on the head. hard. this is easily the best story in the LF.

Sithums
09-16-2005, 06:46 AM
It is probably the best on LF, not saying that everyone else isn't any good or what not, but there are other places you can read fanfiction. Course most of them I don't read because they are LSF. Anyway, there are like over 200 fics on fanfiction.net (Thats the video games-star wars section anyway) and I think that some of them may excell past this one.

Anyway, still a good chapter. Look forward to seeing more

RC-1162
09-16-2005, 07:34 AM
hey, thats a cool sounding site, ill check it out right away, thanx for posting it.

Snafu7
09-16-2005, 04:43 PM
awesome job FFWM12, great chapter.

ForceFightWMe12
09-17-2005, 02:42 PM
Yeah, welcome and no offense, but i think youve been hit on the head. hard.
LOL

Thanks everyone, glad you like it.

Yeah, I've checked out fanfiction.net. It looks good, but its just too...strict? I don't know...it just doesn't feel right.

Well, I'm not sure when I'll have the next chapter up...hopefully soon...

MdKnightR
09-18-2005, 07:37 PM
Very good chapter! Again, BRAVO! The only thing I might have changed would have been the close of the chapter. You could have built up a little more tension by having Revan be a little more reserved about Bastilla's breakdown. Perhaps cool in his comfort so as not to drive her away, but holding back just enough to let Bastilla know (even in her emotional outburst) that something was on his mind that he wasn't willing to share with her yet. But that is just me. Keep it up!

ForceFightWMe12
09-18-2005, 11:17 PM
Actually...that's a really good idea. I was at a wall trying to figure out how to close this chapter...but that could work...just to figure if I can work that in...

Fuu
09-19-2005, 12:44 AM
Nice Job man, Looking foweard to the next one.
Its nice to know theres someone else that likes mush...hehee
Keep it up.

MdKnightR
09-19-2005, 03:24 AM
Actually...that's a really good idea. I was at a wall trying to figure out how to close this chapter...but that could work...just to figure if I can work that in...

Well, as I am sure that not everyone who will read your story has had the opportunity, I wouldn't hold it against you to go back and edit that part of the chapter.

Jedi Atomic
09-19-2005, 05:57 PM
Wow your a good writer i just turned in a story the other day and its going to get like a "C" average.........lol and yet im 14 years old.

ForceFightWMe12
09-19-2005, 07:24 PM
Well, as I am sure that not everyone who will read your story has had the opportunity, I wouldn't hold it against you to go back and edit that part of the chapter.

Well, I think its been a little too long now...but I think I can still...


Wow your a good writer i just turned in a story the other day and its going to get like a "C" average.........lol and yet im 14 years old.


Lol, thanks. I've had a bit of practice....

http://www.fanfiction.shurtugal.com/viewuser.php?uid=183&viewstories

:D

RC-1162
09-21-2005, 07:25 AM
so, you finished the chapter yet? not that im hurrying you of course.

ForceFightWMe12
09-26-2005, 07:43 PM
Actually, now that you mention it...

__________________________________________________

---Chapter Nine---

“He didn’t tell us everything.” Briana said as she began to shift her things from her pack into a footlocker. Elron leaned against the door post, watching her.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“There were several other planets before Revan began his journey here. However, he decided to leave those out in his narration.”
Elron watched as Bastila and Revan left the hallway to go who knows where. “You’re right…I hadn’t noticed that till now.”
“There is something he wants to keep secret…”

Later that night, Bastila crept down the hallway, careful to make no noise as she entered her room. Shutting the door behind her, she lay back on her bed, thinking of all that had happened…in that one day…her entire life had been rebuilt…

The next day, Bastila awoke with a smile on her face and promptly dressed before heading down to the main conference room, thinking that would be where any food would probably be served. As she passed the others rooms, she saw that they were all empty, save for Atton’s.

As she entered the great hall, she saw Revan and Carth sitting at the center table. Breakfast had been set out and Revan and Carth were enjoying their morning meal, laughing at past exploits.

“Ahahaha…ahaha…oh man, and – hehaha! Re – remember the time she l-lost her lightsaber?” Carth laughed, “ ‘It – it must have fallen from my belt and rolled under my seat!’ Hehahaha!”
“Y- yeah!” Revan answered, taken by a new wave of laughter, “Th-that had to be the most embarrassing thing to h-happen to a Jedi! Especially after the Vulkars got her!”
“I assure you,” Bastila said, taking a seat next to them, “Those Vulkars were thinner in number and they were hurting quite badly before they captured me!”
“Y-yeah, th-the key words there are captured you. Th-they still got the best of you!” Carth said, trying to recover after his fit of laughing.
“Well, if memory serves, Revan was nearly killed by the Vulkars down in that race pit. If I hadn’t stepped into that fight--”
“If you hadn’t stepped in that fight,” Revan said, brushing a tear from his eye, “then I would have fared just the same. You’d have saved quite a bit of energy!” he smiled.
“Oh, if you say so. Honestly, staying out here all alone must have worn out your memory!”
“My memory! My memory?” Revan said with a smile, “Remind me who lost their lightsaber again?”
“You can be quiet infuriating sometimes, you know that Revan?” Bastila said, but a smile tugged at the edge of her lips.
“Hey, I try.”

Later that day, after spending some time meditating, Bastila went to seek out Revan. She hadn’t seen him since breakfast…
As she combed the dark hallways, she heard a mighty crash, coming from the direction of the library.
Curious, and slightly worried, Bastila headed there. What she found when she arrived wasn’t what she had expected to see.
Revan was in a fine rage. He stormed around the room, kicking things at random and knocking holocrons and datapads from shelves, even knocking over a few chairs.
When there was a lull in his fit, she spoke to him.
“Revan…?”
He turned to look at her, his expression one of anger and frustration. He said nothing.
“Are…are you alright?”
“You ask me if I’m alright??” he asked, his tone harsh, “Does it look like I’m alright?”
“Well…no…but…” Bastila just couldn’t seem to find any words to say. She had never seen her lover in such a state. “What is wrong?”
He walked away, leaning against a table top, “Everything.”
Cautiously, she followed him, putting her hands on his shoulders. “Please, tell me.”
He shrugged off her touch, walking away again. This time, he stood once again in front of the large window. “I…I do not think I can. Not now, at least. Please, go.”
“But Revan--”
“GO!”
She shrank back, as if he had landed her a physical blow. Never had he raised his voice at her. Never. Whatever was wrong…it was serious. However reluctant she way to do so, she left the library.

For the next few days, Revan was rarely seen. When Bastila tried to confront him, he would say nothing, and always turned her away. She began to get worried.

“It’s like…it’s like he’s changed…somehow…” she said as she stood next to the Exile, watching a few of the others training. “He’s…he’s never been like this before…”
“There is…something he does not wish to tell you. At least not yet.”
“I don’t know what to do…” she said, dropping her head.
“Wait. He will come to you when he’s ready.”

Another two days passed. Then a third. And a fourth. Revan still said nothing.

The evening of the fourth day, Bastila was fed up. She worried about Revan constantly, and decided that that night, she would confront Revan and wouldn’t leave until she got an answer.

“Revan!” she said as she came into the library, finding him once again amongst the old records. He didn’t even turn to face her. “Revan, I need to know what’s wrong. And I need to know now!” she said harshly.
He was quiet for a moment, studying the datapad he had in his hands. Just as Bastila opened her mouth to speak again, he said, “You wish to know?” he closed the datapad, storing it back on its shelf, “You truly wish to know?”
“Revan, if there is absolutely anything I wished to know now, it is what is making you like this?” she pleaded.
“Fine.” he was not as angry as before…but there was still a cold edge to his words. “Then read.” he tossed a datapad to her.
Catching it, she looked from it back to him.
“Read.” he urged.
And so she did. A few minutes later, she looked up. “Revan…”
“Now you know.” he said, turning away from her.
“But…it cannot be true. How can you be sure?”
“It all fits! My birth date, my parent’s names, their home planets, everything! It all fits in place!” he said, slamming a fist against the window.
“After the fall of the Empire, Lord Eiriask-”
“My father.”
“And his wife, Mistress Selinas-”
“My mother.”
“Returned to the remote system of-”
“You don't need to read anymore, it’s all there! My homeworld, my parent’s anniversary date, EVERTHING!” he yelled, taking the datapad from her hands and flinging it against a wall. “I’ve checked every scrap of data from that era, and it all says the same thing. My father was the Emperor of the Ancient Sith before their hidden empire fell.”
Looking defeated, he collapsed in a chair. “Like father like son.” he mumbled.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif
__________________________________________________ ___

Snap, didn't see that coming now did ya? jk jk

This chapter was...well...a bit choppy, if you ask me, but I hope you guys enjoyed it...

Fuu
09-26-2005, 10:29 PM
woot..... thas nice...... i need to go work on mine.....
keep it up.
F

RC-1162
09-27-2005, 07:28 AM
well actually, i loved it, its a cool twist and no; i dint see that coming. heck, i was shocked just to see that revan shouted at bastila. :D

RC-1162
09-27-2005, 08:18 AM
i know this is a dumb request but could you (ForceFightWMe12) check out my story and give me some comments? i keep begging for them but i dont get any. since youre such a good writer, maybe you can give me some suggestions on how to improve on it.
The Hunt for the Sith: URL in sig.

ForceFightWMe12
09-27-2005, 06:56 PM
Thanks, I'm glad you guys like it. See, I told you I could work things around...well, not really, but...Yeah, I could hardly see Revan shouting at Bastila, but it adds some...interest. And actually, I recently found out that she and Revan (if you're a guy) do kiss in the game. Well...you don't actually get to see it, it does one of those funky black-out things...it was probably a make-out session...damn, can't believe they didn't show it!! Sorry. Back on topic.
Sure, I'll check out your story, Yun Yuzzhan, and thanks for the encouragment, Fuu!

John Skywalker
09-27-2005, 07:01 PM
yer forcefightWme can you do that for me to your a brilliant writer and im not getting that many reviews its called KOTOR:THE RETURN OF THE SITH and will you be able to give me some tips?

ForceFightWMe12
09-27-2005, 07:30 PM
Of course! I'm surprised you guys think so highly of me...:D I'll try to help as best I can...

Snafu7
09-27-2005, 09:33 PM
Just read the new chapter, Great job FFWM12, awesome chapter

Hallucination
09-27-2005, 11:34 PM
Why is my french teacher so mean? This is the best fic around. In fact I think Lucas should be strolling in here in a while to get you to write out the next star wars novels. Keep it up!

MdKnightR
09-28-2005, 01:21 AM
Very good twist! That is more like it...keeps the reader on edge!

RC-1162
09-28-2005, 07:52 AM
^^^^^
you said it!

Of course! I'm surprised you guys think so highly of me... :D I'll try to help as best I can...

its because:
ForceFightWMe12 : The Lord Of Lucasforums Fanfictions

:D :D :D
seriously.

ForceFightWMe12
09-28-2005, 04:04 PM
:eek: :eek: :eek:

That's right *Vadar breath* All bow down to Lord ForceFight!!! Muwahahahahahaha!!!!

:vadar:

jkjk. Wow guys, I'm flattered!

:D :D :D :D

RC-1162
09-29-2005, 05:07 AM
Yes, My Lord,
:worship: :worship: :worship:

May you revel in the powers of a successful career in writing.

PS: Thats Vader breath. not vadar.

ForceFightWMe12
09-29-2005, 11:27 PM
Right, I knew that. Typo. Oops. Heheh. :D

Anyway...

I'm surprised at myself. I actually have the next chapter written within three days. Wow. Well, I haven't gone over it or anything...but I think I'll wait a day or two, let you guys wait for a while yet...

Fuu
09-29-2005, 11:31 PM
Nooooo waiting sucks...cmon! Toothaches make me impatient.....
Keep it up,
Fuu

ForceFightWMe12
09-29-2005, 11:44 PM
Well yeah, but I wan't to give myself some time before posting it. I wrote the entire thing up tonight, so I want to go over it and make sure I don't want to add anything or have something to edit or something.

Don't worry, I wouldn't make you wait for no reason...or at least, wouldn't make you wait too long...:D

RC-1162
09-30-2005, 07:25 AM
hey, no fair. Lords of Writing dont do that to faithful readers and fans.

ForceFightWMe12
10-01-2005, 11:17 AM
Okay, okay, chill out. Here it is. I blame you!!! :D jkjk Wait...blame you for what?....umm....nvm.


__________________________________________________ __________

---Chapter Ten---


Bastila picked up the datapad from the ground and walked back over to Revan.
“Revan…” she said, at a loss for words. She pulled a chair up next to him, draping her arm over his shoulders. “I…I don’t know what to say…”
“Then say nothing at all.” he replied emotionlessly.
She shrank back slightly. He was really taking this hard.
“Please…I just want to help.”
His anger flaring again, Revan grabbed Bastila’s wrist in a vice-grip and waved the barely-working datapad in her face.
“Do you think that you can help me??” he asked, his grip strengthening with his anger, “In spite of all this, do you believe that somehow you can help me?”
“Revan--”
“Do you??” his voice continuing to rise, his face turning slightly red.
“Revan, you’re hurting me.” Bastila said, shrinking back. Fear shone in her watering eyes.
A stunned, fearful expression formed on Revan’s face. Slowly, he released her wrist, drawing back. He stood, turning away from her.
He walked over to the window once again, placing both palms flat against the glass, almost begging for it to give way beneath him and fall to the ground, taking him with it. A storm had blown in and lightning forked the sky as the rain flattened the grass and wind whipped the trees about. Those four words had sent Revan over the edge.
Bastila feared for him. He was deathly white and his face was set in a mixed expression of fear, disbelief, and self-loathing.
“Revan…” she spoke his name once again, coming over to him and touching his shoulder lightly.
“You…you should leave.”
“No, I won’t leave you. I want to help--”
“Please,” he interrupted, “leave me to my sorrow.”
“Why don’t you see that I would do anything for you?” Bastila asked in a whisper. Revan didn’t respond.
Sighing in resignation, Bastila reached up and gave him a light kiss on the cheek before turning and leaving.

Later that night, as rain pounded against the windows, lightning lit the night sky, and thunder shook the compound, Revan lay thrashing in his bed.

“You’re stronger than I am, and there’s no point telling me otherwise. You will be a great Jedi, I think. I hope.”
He and Bastila stood in a dormitory of the Ebon Hawk.
“In some ways, you make me feel weak, like I am caught up in the wake of our destiny. But at the same time, you make me feel stronger, more alive.” he heard Bastila’s voice explain. He knew this time…all those years ago…
“And I feel more alive when I’m with you.” he heard himself respond.
“But…I realize now that these feelings are part of the bond we share. The Council had surely known this. They knew that my loyalty to the doctrines of our Order would be tested on this mission.
“By facing and overcoming my feelings for you, I have learned a valuable lesson about control and the dangers of emotion. This is an important step to understanding the Force.
“I’m sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. But I felt it was important that you knew our…infatuation…was nothing more than a result of our powerful bond.”
“You’re rationalizing, Bastila.” Revan heard his own voice echo out again, “You’re just scared to face the truth!”
“You’re the one who can’t face the truth! Malak must be stopped. How can I do that if I let myself be blinded by my feelings for you?”
“I’m going to stop Malak, Bastila, but I want to do it with you at my side.”
“You…You really mean that, don’t you? But how can I be certain you’re not making a mistake? I…I must resist. I have to be strong. For both of us.” Bastila said. But her voice was full of uncertainty…almost…doubtful.
“You know I’m right, Bastila.”
“But I don’t…I mean, I can’t….Malak would…” Bastila was faltering.
“I love you, Bastila,” Revan heard his voice echo out yet again, giving that final push. He stepped closer to her, close enough to touch, “And I know you love me.”
“Okay,” Bastila said passionately, “You’ve made your point. Now shut up and kiss me you fool.”
She fell into his arms, and their lips met in a passionate kiss that lasted several minutes. Bastila grabbed the cloth of his shirt, clinging to him desperately, and he held the side of her head, holding her lips against his.
When they finally broke apart, they were out of breath. Bastila’s hands slipped from his chest, and she backed away slowly, shaking slightly.
“We…we shouldn’t have done that…It was wrong. The Jedi aren’t supposed to fall in love!”
“It didn’t feel wrong to me.” he said defiantly.
“It…It was a moment of weakness…when I kissed you…we shouldn’t have…I’m sorry, no!
“I know we both wanted it, but we shouldn’t have given in to our desire! We’re Jedi! We can’t act like this! Not now, not while we still have to deal with Malak. I’m sorry…I don’t blame you…it was a mistake. I have to get out of here before someone sees us together!”
The scene before him faded…

Revan continued to toss and turn. Why did these memories resurface now?

“You will go on to defeat Malak, and go from the Dark Lord himself to the savior of the galaxy.”
Another scene bloomed before his eyes, this time on the Star Forge.
“But before you do that…” Bastila began. She was clutching her side. Revan shivered as he remember that he was the one who had hurt her. “there is something I must know…
“Will there be a place for me in your future? Do you…” she took a breath, apparently steadying herself before dropping the bomb, “Do you love me?”
Despite himself, he felt a joyous, excited, warm feeling envelope in his chest. A feeling that he had been without for far too long.
“I do love you, Bastila.”
“And I love you, with all my heart.”
“You aren’t afraid to love anymore?”
“After this? There is nothing that would make me feel safer than being loved by you.”

Revan woke. He found his brow covered in cold sweat. For a moment, he just lay there, staring at the stone wall…then the regret and guilt hit him like a hammer blow. He slowly sat up.
Good luck, my love, and may the Force be with you.
Bastila had always been there for him, just as he had always been there for her. They relied on each other…and right now, he was letting Bastila down. He was distancing himself from her, pushing her away. He was doing her a great injustice, and she did not deserve it.
He stood and grabbed his shirt, then proceeded to throw it around his shoulders, not bothering to close up the front.
As he left, he glanced at the clock. Three in the morning. Well, it was better than nothing. At least everyone else was asleep.
On silent feet, Revan slipped into the hallway, heading for Bastila’s dormitory. When he found the right door, he knocked. He waited for a moment…but there was no sound, so he entered a code and opened the door, creeping inside and closing the door behind him.
The room was dark, as was everything else at this time of night. He looked over to the bed, and he smiled as he saw Bastila’s form laying there. He knelt at her bedside.
She was so peaceful and beautiful when she slept…he couldn’t take his eyes from her face. As he watched, she shifted slightly, and a loose strand of hair fell across her face. Unable to help himself, he brushed it away. He started as she shifted again, mumbling “Revan…”
A moment later, her eyes fluttered open.
“Revan!” she said, surprise written across her face. She sat up, startled.
“Shhh…” he pressed a finger against his lips. “It is late, the others are still sleeping.” he said quietly. Revan stood, walking away for a moment. Then, with his back to her, he said, “Look…Bastila…I’m sorry. I lost control of myself back there. I…I was weak and gave in to my rage. You didn’t deserve that.” he turned back to her. “I’m sorry.”
“Revan…” she said slowly. Standing, Bastila crossed the room to where he stood. For a moment, they just stood there, looking into each others eyes. Then, Bastila collapsed into Revan’s arms, tears streaming from her eyes. “I was so afraid…I was afraid I had lost you…” she said between sobs.
Revan wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her close, as much for his comfort as for hers.
Her hands rested on his bare chest, her tears falling onto his tanned, muscled skin.
He held her close, stroking and twirling her hair. “It’s alright…it won’t happen again…I promise…” he whispered. He breathed in the intoxicating scent of her hair and flesh, reveling in her touch, and enjoying the warm feeling that spread through his entire body. He kissed her forehead, then lay his head on hers. Neither of them knew how long they stood there, and frankly, neither cared.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

RC-1162
10-01-2005, 12:10 PM
great addition! though i never got to the part where revan and bastila kiss on the ebon hawk. gotta play it again. keep it up.

ForceFightWMe12
10-01-2005, 12:19 PM
Really? Well, in case you hadn't figured it out already, that's at the part where you have (pretty much) the last convo with Bastila before she goes DS. And if you follow exactly what Revan said when he said it, then you should get it. Perhaps I should've put that part of the chapter in a spoiler...oops. Well then it would look funky...I dunno....

RC-1162
10-01-2005, 12:25 PM
do they really kiss? or is it another one of those blackout things?

Hallucination
10-01-2005, 12:41 PM
Its a black out. But seriously Forcefight, do they onl kiss or aren't they supposed to go farther :naughty:. Great story!

ForceFightWMe12
10-01-2005, 01:04 PM
LOL!!! Well, from what I could see, it was only a short time, so I think that it stayed a kiss...maybe...but hey, my story's PG-13 at worst, so...heheh. Yeah, its a stupid black out. I despise Bioware for that. Just let 'em kiss, damn it.

MdKnightR
10-01-2005, 01:45 PM
Another great chapter! Suggestion...now that the relationship has gone through a few stages (reunion, strife, and resolution), you should focus more on the main plot of the story. The romance shouldn't overshadow the quest.

Snafu7
10-01-2005, 01:50 PM
Great Chapter ForceFightWMe

Another great chapter! Suggestion...now that the relationship has gone through a few stages (reunion, strife, and resolution), you should focus more on the main plot of the story. The romance shouldn't overshadow the quest.

Agree 100%

ForceFightWMe12
10-01-2005, 01:50 PM
I know, I know, I'm getting to it, keep your shirt on...lol :D

I was actually just thinking that myself. Now that things have been resolved, its time we move on...

MdKnightR
10-01-2005, 02:24 PM
I have been thinking about printing out your chapters and taking them to a friend of mine who is an English teacher just to see what she has to say about your writing skills. Personally, I believe she will be blown away when I tell her that you aren't even in high school yet. Do you mind if I do this?

ForceFightWMe12
10-01-2005, 02:30 PM
Sure, go ahead. I'm actually surprised that you would want to do this. I guess its safe to say I'm honored :D.

RC-1162
10-02-2005, 02:00 AM
actually, my english teacher thinks very, very, very highly of my writing skills. ive told her that ive written two fanfics on the net, but im sure if she thinks mine is great, then she'll think that you must be from one of the planets you portray in your story :D
Bioware must not have been able to extend their lips or something. the graphics in the game are not entirely the best. if you play a female with a ponytail, youll see that in the star map dreams, when she tosses around before the dreams, the ponytail comes jiggling in and out of the pillow.

ForceFightWMe12
10-02-2005, 09:23 AM
Lol, well yeah but the graphics are some of the best of their kind I've seen. At least they like blink and their mouths move relativly with their words and they move their arms and shift feet and stuff. I really don't care about the graphics, just show the little kissy kissy already :-*

Actually my Lit teacher knows that I write fanfics online too...she just doesn't know about this fanfic...eheheh...

Hallucination
10-02-2005, 11:40 PM
You guys get all the good teachers, mine make me diagram sentences and identify verbs! Great work, post the next chapter soon, and tell us when your getting published! And thanks to your hard work I've been inspired to get back to my little fic on the weekends, mind if I use a few events from your fic to influence mine?

MdKnightR
10-03-2005, 12:31 AM
I've been inspired to get back to my little fic on the weekends, mind if I use a few events from your fic to influence mine?

You know, I have been influenced as well, but I am no writer. I think I may start a new painting based on the scene of Bastila with Revan in the library. Have him looking out the window with his back to the viewer so that all you see is his silhouette. Maybe have Bastilla in the extreme foreground so that all you see of her is the edge of her thigh and a hand holding a datapad. What do you think?

RC-1162
10-03-2005, 07:09 AM
that sounds cool, but i think it would be better if both of them were silhouetted and it portrayed baatila trying to calm an angry revan down. well thats my opinion. do what you think is best.

Actually my Lit teacher knows that I write fanfics online too...she just doesn't know about this fanfic...eheheh...

why, does she object to kissy?

ForceFightWMe12
10-03-2005, 10:33 AM
Wow, I had no idea that I had such an effect on people...well, my writting anyway. Well, sure, Hallucination, you can borrow some of the events...just please, don't copy. Now that might sound kinda contradictory, but I think you get what I mean. And getting published? Sorry, but I think that that may be going a little too far too soon....
Both of those ideas sound cool. Well, do what you wish, its fine with me. I would just be curious if you would be able to get it on the computer so that I could see it :D
Well...my Lit teacher doesn't know about this one because...well...she's more of a reader rather than a gamer. So she wouldn't understand anything even if she did read it. She isn't exactly nuts about Star Wars either...heheh...but I've got other fanfiction based on books like Eragon that she knows about...I think she actually might have read one, I dunno...

(Oh and Hallucination, I feel your pain. We had to diagram sentences one time and I think I failed the test...hehe, oops...)

Well, thanks everyone, and I'm working on the next chapter....

MdKnightR
10-03-2005, 02:09 PM
Well, if I do paint that picture, I can always take a shot with a digital camera and post it. I have a large piece of Masonite that has been sitting empty for awhile, so that may be what I'll paint it on.

RC-1162
10-03-2005, 03:35 PM
Wouldnt it be better on canvas? maybe u can start a new museum of star wars paintings :D

And getting published? Sorry, but I think that that may be going a little too far too soon....

actually, im sure of 1 thing, if u get this story published, youll make the guinness book for youngest writer to earn title of Best Writer in The Country(or World)

ForceFightWMe12
10-03-2005, 07:16 PM
Actually, getting this story published would be a bit of an impossibility since they actually are making KotOR III, so...

And MdKnight, that would be great!

MdKnightR
10-04-2005, 03:20 AM
Wouldnt it be better on canvas?

Nah. Canvas is good for some things, but I prefer to work on a rigid surface. It allows me to get better detail.

Renegade Angel
10-04-2005, 09:20 PM
You win....

A GIANT COOKIE! WOOHOO!

This story is awsome, keep it comin'!

ForceFightWMe12
10-04-2005, 11:36 PM
Whou-hou!! Go me, go me, I get a cookie, I get a cookie! Thanks, I'm glad you like it! I should have the next chapter up soon...

As for the whole canvas thing, I haven't a clue. I think I might be better off with a pen and paper than a paintbrush and canvas or whatever. Or a keyboard and computer for that matter. I'm not really an artsy person...

RC-1162
10-05-2005, 07:08 AM
hey, what about me? dont i get at least 1/4 of a cookie :crybaby: youre a mean mean man

:D j/k

well, im kinda semi artsy and i might think of drwing a cover page for this story if it was ever published :D

RC-1162
10-06-2005, 05:41 PM
no, for sure yes. chech out ahto spaceport cantina. theres a surprise for u.

ForceFightWMe12
10-06-2005, 07:10 PM
Lol! Happy bday to Renegade!

Anyway...

Hey guys, I have a bit of a deliema...I don't think I spelled that right...

Okay, I was planning on writting another story, one completely seperate from this, based on the Two Years, Two Masters and The Lawful Sith RPGs that are posted here on LucasForums. Although, I'm not sure if I want to wait until I'm finished with The Plight of Darkness before posting it. I think it would be easier if I waited, and it would be a lot quicker updates if I waited, but I'm also kind of eager to get it started...

What do you guys think?

Snafu7
10-06-2005, 10:03 PM
I would wait, just stick with one story at a time, makes it alot easier

ForceFightWMe12
10-06-2005, 11:35 PM
See, that's what I had been thinking...

MdKnightR
10-07-2005, 01:25 AM
I would wait, just stick with one story at a time, makes it alot easier


.....not to mention that we don't want you dividing your attention between them. We're selfish that way. ;)

RC-1162
10-07-2005, 07:05 AM
and you might just accidentaly end up posting this story's chapter in the other thread. take it slow, nobodys in a hurry, we all would like to see the ending of this story first. if you want, type it in word and save it, so later you can just open it and copy/paste here :D

ForceFightWMe12
10-07-2005, 06:07 PM
Yeah, I figured I would just wait...

I'll have the next chapter up by...Tuesday at the latest, probably...

Hallucination
10-08-2005, 12:25 AM
Can't wait for it :D

Renegade Angel
10-09-2005, 12:47 AM
Yup, Should be cool!

ForceFightWMe12
10-10-2005, 10:31 AM
Ooh sounds fun. Well good luck with that...

Alright, this chapter is a little shorter and maybe a bit rushed, but I haven't been able to get on the computer much lately. And since I went and set a deadline for myself :P , I figured that this was probably as good as it was going to get at the moment...

Oh, and anyone know about the Ancient Sith? Like, descriptions or whatever? I feel like a total idiot, writting a story about the AS and not knowing anything about them...
__________________________________________________ ___________

---Chapter Eleven---

The next day, as Revan was picking up all the datapads and holocrons he had thrown and knocked over in his rage, he got a surprise.
As he picked up a stack of datapads that he had already browsed through, a disc fell out of a compartment in one. As it clattered to the ground, he blinked. Why hadn’t he seen that before? It was ancient and covered in dust. Setting the datapads aside, he knelt and picked it up. It appeared to have numerous scratches on it and he was doubtful that it even worked. He walked over to one of the computers in the room and inserted the disk, booting up the program stored on it.

Estaka swoot lkiata
¿Stroos kooolot ween trasxa?

During his time spent studying the ancient tomes in the library, more often than not, he ran into this language. It was apparently the original language of the Ancient Sith. He had begun to unravel what to it meant, but his translations were still incomplete.

Welcome to the Map
What would you like to do?

A map? A map of what? He tapped the keys, asking the computer to show this map.

Loookara: Swenl estuta coocia tracka.
¿Retaak?

Warning: Corrupted data enclosed. Continue?

He typed ‘yes’.

Immediately, a holoprojector in the computer’s face hummed to life and a small map of what appeared to be the Republic enveloped before his eyes. It looked a lot like a map that a navicomputer would display…except that there were several planets missing, and new planets that didn’t exist.
This must be what the Ancient Sith saw during their reign. Revan thought. He went over to a comm. panel on the wall and hit a button, opening a transmition link to the entire facility. “Hey guys…I think I found something you might want to see.”

A few minutes later, the crew of the Ebon Hawk had gathered in the library and were currently studying the map.
“This is really weird. How could this map be so distorted? I mean, half these planets don’t even exist.” Mira said, staring at the floating holoprojection.
“That’s what I thought when I first opened it.” Revan commented, “It could be possible that this is just ghost info. When I opened the file it said that there may be some corrupted data.”
“Well that would explain it.” Carth said.
“But still…” Elron began, “I find it hard to believe that info could be corrupted that much.”
“I know, that’s what I thought too.” Revan said.
“Hey, Atton,” Elron turned to the pilot, “you have something cooking up in that mind of yours? Or are you just playing Pazzack with yourself again?”
“Aha, I never get tired of the wise-cracking Jedi.” he said sarcastically. But then, he folded his arms, concentrating once again on the map, “I think…I think that at least one planet is correct on here. If this is there…” he said, pointing to a star, “Then that would mean…that would mean that this is Manaan.” he said, tracing a finger along an imaginary line to a revolving planet.
“Revan, pull up a current map and over lap it with this one.” Bastila said.
“Hold on…” he tapped at some keys, “Got it.”
A newer map enveloped off to the side, then merged with the Sith one. Sure enough, Manaan fit perfectly with the unknown system.
“But where would the Ancient Sith have stayed on Manaan?” Briana wondered aloud, “The entire planet is a gigantic ocean, and from what I could remember of Atris’s records, the original Sith weren’t water-breathers…”
“Wait a second…” Carth said, “Bastila, Revan, remember those ruins the Republic’s construction teams ran into near the Rift on the planet’s surface?”
Understanding drew itself across both the Jedi’s faces.
“What if those ruins were only the beginning of a whole network?” Revan said.
“But I thought those ruins were originally built by the Rakata?” Bastila pointed out.
“Aye, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t more ruins deeper inside the Rift or anywhere else on the planet’s surface.” Carth said, thinking.
“Well, we should probably get going then.” Elron said.
“Whoa, wait. How? We don’t have a ship!” Revan said.
Elron smiled, “Actually, yeah, we do. One that you should remember.”
At first, Revan looked confused, but realization drew across his face, and he smiled.
“Well then,” he said, “Let’s get going.”

And so they copied the map, gathered up their belongings, and began the long trek back to the Ebon Hawk.
“I hope you know where we’re going, Atton.” Briana said doubtfully.
“What do you mean? I always know where we’re going!”
“Really? Because I think we’ve passed that same rock about six times.” Mira pointed out.
“Hey, I--”
“Uh, guys?” Elron asked and everyone turned to look at him. He had cocked an eyebrow and pulled a layer of vines away from the side of the ‘path’. Right in front of them sat the Ebon Hawk.
“Oh, right, I knew that.” Atton said, turning around and ducking through the opening. “See, I told you I knew where we were going.”

Moments later, the ship was prepped for launch.
“Hold on to your hats everyone!” Atton yelled as he and Carth fired the engines, soaring above the trees and out of the atmosphere. The familiar whine of the hyperdrive filled the ship as they jumped.
Manaan, here we come.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

MdKnightR
10-10-2005, 02:20 PM
Another great chapter, but I think your usage of the word "envelope" is not appropriate for the situation. I would have chosen something else.

Also, I love the way you tied Manaan back into the saga.

Hallucination
10-10-2005, 02:32 PM
Great job, and I can't wait to see how Atton reacts to the selkath talkin' all funny.

Snafu7
10-10-2005, 05:02 PM
Great chapter, keep up the good work.

RC-1162
10-11-2005, 07:19 AM
cool one. though im not really happy about you saying all those bloody exams are fun. or are you a nerd? :D j/k
and though it is good. youve use "realisation/understanding drew across their faces" twice. i would have written something else for the second situation.

ForceFightWMe12
10-12-2005, 04:10 PM
Thanks everyone, and I'll remember what you said, MdKnight.

And did I really use "understanding drew across their faces" twice??? Oops :D my bad.

RC-1162
10-13-2005, 02:48 AM
At first, Revan looked confused, but realization drew across his face

theres one,

Understanding drew itself across both the Jedi’s faces.

theres the second. you might wanna change that. and check your PMs.

ForceFightWMe12
10-13-2005, 03:07 PM
Right :D oops. Eheheheh...and I saw that I've got a PM...

kookaburra
10-21-2005, 08:33 AM
What a brilliant story! I love it, where did you learn to write like that?

RobQel-Droma
10-21-2005, 11:23 AM
That was the best fanfic I have ever read! Of course, it is really only the second one I have ever read anyways...But this one is great! I have to remind myself to look around in here, this is one of the 2 or 3 along with T3's Astromech Center or whatever it is called and the Forum at the very bottom. But evidently I need to check this Forum out.

ForceFightWMe12
10-22-2005, 02:02 PM
Thanks Rob and Kookaburra.

I've actually written a couple fics, but this is my first KotOR story. Well, my first Star Wars fic. So I've had a bit of practice :D

Yeah, Rob, this is a pretty cool section. Albiet a slow-moving one. Not many people check in here...thus the wonderful Darth333 began the review thingy you see at the top of the forum page. Hopefully that'll bring more people in here :D. Anyway, I'd have to suggest Fuu's, Hallucination's, and RC 1162's fics. They're pretty good...

Renegade Angel
10-22-2005, 02:08 PM
Wow, With some more practice, you could go pro!

RC-1162
10-22-2005, 03:13 PM
she is pro! what are u talkin?

ForceFightWMe12
10-22-2005, 03:25 PM
Me? Pro? Thanks, but not quite...

RC-1162
10-23-2005, 02:26 PM
ok. semi-pro.
no... make that three-quarters-pro.

ForceFightWMe12
10-25-2005, 04:54 PM
Not even that. Somehow, I don't think I'd quite make it in the 'big leagues', but to each their own. I'm working on the next chapter, but I haven't had much time on the computer lately, so it should be done soon, but...:P

RC-1162
10-26-2005, 03:22 PM
ur just underestimating urself.
ALL WHO THINK FFWM12 IS A THREE-QUARTERS PRO, RAISE THEIR HANDS>

*raises hand*

Fuu
10-27-2005, 01:21 AM
mmmm I dont really know what the "professional" standard is for fic writing. What ever that may be........FFWM12 is pretty darn good in my book. :)

Arent fics fun? Keep it up.....

Fuu

ForceFightWMe12
10-28-2005, 03:34 PM
Thanks guys. I'm just trying to figure out this next chapter...It should be up soon.

Hallucination
10-28-2005, 11:02 PM
I'd have to suggest Fuu's, Hallucination's, and RC 1162's fics. They're pretty good...
Your to kind! Can't wait till next chapter, and I can't wait to see what Machievilli (sp?) says about you writing. Can't wait for a lot of things actually... but especially this.

JediKnight707
11-04-2005, 01:37 AM
Whoa this is f**king brilliant :D I just started reading this about 3 hrs. ago, then had practiced (considered skipping it just to keep reading) and then forgot about this, but I just read about 3 pgs. of this stuff. Great work :D Now I want to write some FanFic...I too am in the 8th grade...

RC-1162
11-10-2005, 12:35 PM
its been a long time. im bored to hell. whens the update FFWM12? not that im rushing you. and could you PLEASE check out my newest fic and give me some comments?? link in sig. thanks.

Hallucination
11-10-2005, 08:13 PM
@RC: I pretty sure its gonna be a good chapter. Not that any of then aren't good.
@Forcefight: Congrats on having the highest number of votes on the popularity poll ( ivoted for you)

RobQel-Droma
11-10-2005, 11:19 PM
Not to rush you or anything ForceFight, but I hope the next chapter will be coming soon.:D I am waiting eagerly for this one.

I voted for you too, along with Fuu and RC 1162. And I think I voted for you, Hallucination, too; I think, I can't remember. If I didn't, shame on me, I made a mistake.

ForceFightWMe12
11-13-2005, 01:03 PM
Sorry it's taking me so long guys, but I've got a bit of writter's block! :P I'm trying to push through it but I'm just not getting too far...but I'll try to have it up soon.

Hallucination
11-13-2005, 01:07 PM
Not to rush you or anything ForceFight, but I hope the next chapter will be coming soon.:D I am waiting eagerly for this one.

I voted for you too, along with Fuu and RC 1162. And I think I voted for you, Hallucination, too; I think, I can't remember. If I didn't, shame on me, I made a mistake.
thanks, its good to know people like my work. +10 cool points for you :D

CheeseY
12-01-2005, 02:51 PM
Very nice story, thought i had to log in on this old account quickly just to say...

That ive been replaying Kotor 1 and 2 through cus they're brilliant games.. Mainly due to their excellent storylines.. I'm glad i came on here to read this well put-together story..

Nice story, im 21 and i know i couldnt write something as well thought out as this.. (time to subscribe to this thread - waiting with 'baited' breath for the next update' ;)

JediKnight707
12-03-2005, 04:37 AM
I just read your entire Fic again, and I still love it :D Hopefully an update is coming soon? It better be like the rest of the story for all this waiting we have hade to do :)

Hallucination
12-03-2005, 06:27 PM
Forcefight, I know that this is a little personal, but are you a boy or a girl? I was just wondering because I assumed (since most people here are boys/men) that you where a boy, but RC referred to you as she, so now I'm confused.

ForceFightWMe12
12-03-2005, 10:56 PM
Heh, no problem, Hallucination. I'm a girl, actually. Yeah. A KotOR story with a male Revan and Exile, written by a chick. A bit odd, no?

Anyway...


I'VE FINISHED!!!

It took me forever, but the next chapter is finally here...almost 2,000 words...1,998, to be exact...:D


__________________________________________________ ___________


---Chapter Twelve---


As the ship rocketed through hyperspace, Briana and Elron were in the east dormitory. The man stood leaning against the wall as his apprentice finished putting her things in a footlocker beneath a bunk. They had been silent for the past few moments, a thoughtful look on the Exile’s face.
“Something bothers you?” the Handmaiden asked, looking over her shoulder at him momentarily.
“No, no…well…not bothers…exactly.”
“Oh? Did you want to talk?”
“Err…yeah, actually. I was just thinking…about the Jedi and the Code.”
“What about it?”
“Well…the life of a Jedi is sacrifice…but what if it didn’t have to be? I thought that perhaps taking on the challenge of finding the Masters would…I dunno, light a path for me, make it easier to distance myself from others and make the Light easier to follow. In fact, it was just the opposite.
“It’s harder. A hell of a lot harder. Even just the journey has made it harder. Instead of being able to shrug people off without a second thought, I’ve been developing close relationships and…attachments…with my companions…including you.”
“Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments. It is one of the sacrifices we make…isn’t it?”
“Yes, yes! And that’s what’s driving me crazy!” Elron stood straight, walking over to the side of the room opposite the door and placed his palms against it, resting his forehead against the cold metal. “I know…I know the Jedi path isn’t an easy one. It wasn’t meant to be. But…to think that something so wonderful…so beautiful…as friendship…or even love for that matter…can lead to the Dark Side is a bit hard for me to believe. The Jedi teach compassion and understanding…what’s the difference? That’s what I want to…” Elron paused a moment, turning back to his apprentice, who was watching him intently, apparently hanging on his words. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking about this with you…Hell, I shouldn’t even be thinking about this. Just forget I’ve said anything.”
“No, go on…please.”
Elron studied her. She really did seem to care…
He turned to the small windows in the side wall, watching as the stars outside whizzed by at light-speed. “Why should I follow the Jedi’s Code anyway? The Council’s dead. Most of it, anyway. Vrook. Zez-Kai-Ell. Cavar. All gone. Besides, what did the Council do for me? Cut me off from the Force because I was standing for what I believed in? Banished me to the Outer Rim because I saved thousands of innocent lives and systems? I don’t owe them anything. Not happiness. Not trust. Not loyalty. And especially not obedience.” he faced her again, continuing on. He had gotten started, and he wasn’t going to stop until he finished. These feelings had been bottled up in my chest for long enough, he thought as he strode over to Briana. “It is possible to not be a Jedi, nor a Sith. There is a center point. A Gray Jedi. You wouldn’t have to adhere to the Council’s annoying code, you wouldn’t have to sacrifice anything. But you wouldn’t have to fall, to give into your emotions all the time.”
“If I could ask…” the Handmaiden asked, acutely aware of how close they were, “What led you to these thoughts?”
Before Elron could stop himself, he had taken her hands in his, “You, Briana.”
“Me? But…I…” she backed away slightly, trying to stop herself from blushing furiously. It didn’t work.
“You were one of the first people I knew I could trust…in a long time. And to know that you trusted me in return…enough to break your oaths to Atris…it meant a lot to me.” He advanced on her again, and this time, she didn’t back away.
“Elron…” she said, pronouncing his name slowly, “we shouldn’t…”
“But we can, Briana, we can. No one will know. No one will care. The Jedi are taught to show compassion to others. Are love and compassion not one in the same?”
The Handmaiden still looked uncomfortable, and refused to meet his gaze. What is he thinking? Can he…can he be right?
“Listen…” the man touched her chin lightly, turning her face toward him so that she was forced to look him in the eye, “I know what you’re afraid of, but believe me when I say that I will do absolutely everything in my power to protect you. No harm will come to you while I am here.”
“But…” the young apprentice began, but her master interrupted.
Elron pulled her closer, his hand finding its way to her cheek, “Please…” Were they really that close? “Trust me.”
Her lips were warm and inviting, and before he had realized it, he had leaned forward. He now felt her soft touch caressing his lips as he wrapped his arms around her. She did like wise, one hand catching at his shirt, the other clutching the hair at the back of his neck. Her lips parted as his tongue explored the inside of her mouth and their bodies touched. Everything felt so good…so right. His heart beat in his chest, threatening to break his ribs and his blood pumped in his ears like a drum. How could anything like this ever lead to the Dark Side? he wondered.
All too soon, the two separated, slowly at first, their lips hovering hardly a centimeter apart as both regained their breath. Elron opened his eyes, and met Briana’s eyes. Her face was lit with happiness and she was reveling in the feeling…but her eyes said different.
“We…we probably shouldn’t have done that…” she said.
“What did you feel?” he asked softly, still catching his breath.
“I felt…happier than I’ve been in years…It was…amazing…”
“But how did it feel? Did that kiss feel wrong to you?”
She paused before responding, “No…it didn’t…”
Briana backed away from her master, “I…I am needed.” she said simply, and was gone.
The Exile leaned against the wall again, reliving the kiss in his mind. Had he really just done that? He touched his lips, the feeling of her own still fresh. How can love be evil?

* * *

Briana came down the corridor, entering the cockpit where Bastila and Revan were talking. Feeling slightly guilty for interrupting, she said, “Excuse me, Bastila?”
Both chairs swiveled to face her. “Could I speak with you? In private?”
Bastila and Revan shared a quick glance, and she smiled. “Of course.”
The Jedi stood, and led the Handmaiden to an empty room: the cargo hold. Bastila closed the door after Briana, then turned to her. “You seem distressed. Are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I mean, no, I’m not. I…I don’t know.” she said with an exasperated sigh.
“What’s wrong?” Bastila asked gently, sitting down on a crate and motioning for the second woman to sit on one across from her.
The Echani sat, saying “I’m…confused, at best.”
“At least you have the sense to admit it.” Bastila said, “There are many Jedi greater than yourself that cannot see through their pride enough to say such a thing.”
“Well…I’m not sure many Jedi besides myself must deal with such a problem as mine…Master Shan…I think I’m in love.”
This took Bastila aback. She wasn’t expecting anything along those lines. She masked her feelings quickly, however, as the Handmaiden continued.
“The Exile is just so…intriguing. He’s brave, strong, smart…and quite handsome…I find myself watching him when I don’t mean to, thinking of him when I don’t want to…”
The young brunette began wondering if she was right to try and guide the Handmaiden. Had she not said those same words five years ago to Revan?
“I know I shouldn’t…the Council forbids it…but…I can’t help it. Oh, I need help, Bastila, and I don’t know who else to turn to!” the woman was near tears by now.
Bastila reached forward and rested her hand on the Handmaiden’s thigh reassuringly. “It…is a difficult decision to make.” she admitted, “The choice between the love of another or the acceptance of the Jedi Council…” she paused, unsure where to go from there. “I…I’m not the one who you should seek guidance from. It isn’t my place. The only thing I can say…is listen to your heart.”

* * *

“Alright guys, we’re coming up on Manaan!” Atton’s voice sounded through the comm. system that was on in every room of the ship, “Up and at ‘em, into the central room, let’s go!”
In moments, everyone had gathered around the floating holoprojection of the water planet.
“So then…where to start.” Revan said, resting against the machine. He punched in a few commands and the holo zoomed in on the single city on Manaan’s surface. “Ahto City. Probably one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. Except for the annoying Selkath law enforcement, it’s a really nice vacation spot.” he said with a smile. “This will be the beginning. The question is: where does the beginning begin?”
“We’ll defiantly cover more ground if we split into groups, rather than hang around in a big pack all day. People will be less suspicious of only two or three people anyway.” Elron said.
“True. Mira and me can check out any local cantinas.” Atton said.
“Bastila, Carth, and I can go to the Selkath courts. We’re…well known there.” Revan added.
“I guess that Visas, Handmaiden, and myself can scout any shops and listen to the word on the streets.” Elron said.
“I, Tee-three, and Ach-kay can stay on the ship.” Bao-Dur said, “There are some repairs that I’ve been meaning to get to…”
“Okay then, that’s settled-” the Exile began, but Bastila cut him off.
“Perhaps we should keep more than just Bao-Dur and the droids on the ship. While trouble isn’t often found on Manaan, it’s more than likely that we’ll catch the notice of some…distasteful people. We may need someone with medical experience immediately. Handmaiden? Would you mind staying behind with the others?”
“Oh, of course not…” she said, ignoring the glance that Elron shot her.
“Good. We’re good to go. Everyone, get prepped to leave ASAP.” Revan said, and left to gather his things. The others dispersed as well, Bastila and Handmaiden pausing to share a meaningful look.

* * *

“What was that about?” Revan asked as he pulled the shirt of his brown Jedi Robes over his head.
“What was what about?” Bastila answered, taking a shield and wrapping the band around her wrist.
“Back there, with the Handmaiden. You were rather quick to have her stay here.” he said as he pulled his belt around his waist.
“Oh…you mean Elron hasn’t come to talk to you?”
“No, why?”
Bastila finished attaching her lightsaber to her belt, then looked at him and said, “They’re in love.”
Revan was just as surprised as she was when the young Knight had heard it. “In love?”
“Yes, Handmaiden came and talked to me about it earlier.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That’s the problem, I wasn’t sure what to say. She was begging me for help, Revan, she had tears in her eyes…yet I would not be the one to guide her. Look at me. She was asking me to point her in the right direction…how could I? She didn’t want to betray the Jedi Council, but she did love him…and I’m not in position to forbid her from seeing him…I would be a hypocrite…”
“I see…” Revan said as he finished pulling on gloves. “It’s a hard decision indeed…but what did you tell her?”
“I told her to listen to her heart. It’s what I have done,” she came closer to him, tracing a finger across his chest, “and it hasn’t proven me wrong yet.”

* * *

The ship lurched to a halt as the pistons on the landing gear fired and the Hawk set down. As the loading ramp was lowered to the deck, Revan walked down it, stepping into the Manaan sunlight. Bastila and Carth joined him shortly after. “Well…” he said, looking first at Carth, then at Bastila, “Here we go, on another whirl-wind adventure.”

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

RobQel-Droma
12-03-2005, 11:10 PM
Its finally here!!!!!! Another great chapter, ForceFight!

Hallucination
12-03-2005, 11:16 PM
Does anyone here know how to get glue off of someone, 'cause my eyes are stuck to the screen ;). Great work, and by golly that was long. +75 cool points.
P.S. Thanks for telling me what gender you are, let the stalking begin! ;)

JediKnight707
12-04-2005, 01:36 AM
Another great chapter!!!!!! Wow, Brianna and Elron reaching first base!!!! :rofl: I hope that you have followed my Fic as much as I have followed yours? :lol: Seriously though, I think mine is good...

ForceFightWMe12
12-04-2005, 10:09 AM
Lol, thanks guys! Glad you liked it! And JK, I'll be the judge of that...:D no, just messing around. :thmbup1:
Hallucination, I'm almost a black belt in tae kwon do, so, Like JK's siggy, I don't want to, but I will TKD your @$$ in half. :twogun: :jester1:

I like smilie :spin:

Snafu7
12-04-2005, 10:23 AM
Jeeze you took your time;) . Anyways, another great chapter, keep up the good work!

RC-1162
12-04-2005, 11:34 AM
FINALLY!! YAY!!
awesome work, FFWM12, great job,

and i was the one who made JK's sig :D

Hallucination
12-04-2005, 12:18 PM
Hallucination, I'm almost a black belt in tae kwon do, so, Like JK's siggy, I don't want to, but I will TKD your @$$ in half.
I guess I'll need personal stalking lessons from D-Moe, he seems to be good at stalker Keira Knightly and Emma Watson......

MdKnightR
12-05-2005, 08:46 AM
Awesome! It was well worth the wait! Keep it up!

ForceFightWMe12
12-07-2005, 03:19 PM
anyhoo, ForceFight, could you please check out my new fic now? i highly value your opinion since youre the QUEEN OF LUCASFORUMS FANFICS *thunder rumbles again*

how i wish i could see your face when you read this

Well, to answer your wish, my face is kinda like this :sithm: :queen :worship:

:roleyess: :^:

No, just messing around. Right now, I'm wondering why you guys would think that, but....whatev.

Oh, and JK....I can see you :rofl:

Thanks MidKnight and Snafu, greatly appreciated :D

machievelli
12-12-2005, 12:57 PM
I finally wrote your review kid. If you want it cleaned up, edited, etc, send me a copy of the entire thing and I will.

ForceFightWMe12
12-12-2005, 06:27 PM
Awesome! Muchas gracias, Mach

machievelli
12-13-2005, 12:33 AM
You can get my e-mail from my member page. Send it on, it's the only way I'll get to read all of it.

Omega21487
12-18-2005, 04:17 AM
Hey im new to these forums but I've been following this Story. I gotta say I like it, its a great story. Keep up the good work =D

DarkLord_Revan
12-20-2005, 12:50 AM
Your good.This is like something that George Lucas would like.(Possible) As yall may of realized this is my first post.Can't wait for the next chapter...I hope u get done with it soon.Please.

JediKnight707
12-20-2005, 01:05 AM
*Ahem* WELCOME TO THE FORUMS!! *coughs* I'm sick, I shouldn't yell.

RC-1162
12-20-2005, 02:19 AM
what happened, ForceFight? please check out --- ah forget it.
do it when you want.

DarkLord_Revan
12-20-2005, 03:48 PM
when u gana post chapter 13?Hope its pure genius like the rest of the chapters.

Renegade Puma
12-21-2005, 05:00 AM
Wow I just started reading this last night and finished the latest chapter this evening. You are an amazing writer. I can only hope KOTOR III is as good as this. Please please please.... Next chapter soon!!! I am 22 and can't believe that you write as well as you do at your age. Keep going young lady!

RC-1162
12-21-2005, 10:27 AM
Welcome to the Forums, RenegadeBore, and your hopes are low. nothing ever developed by the makers of Kotor will be better than this :D

MasterAwder
12-21-2005, 10:42 AM
great story ....can't wait to the next chapter...new to this forum and checked out the outter stories....you have the best one...keep the good work up

ForceFightWMe12
12-21-2005, 03:08 PM
Oh you guys are weird. *coughspamsfestcough* Since when did Hallucination become an english expert, might I ask :D
Wow, maybe Mac's reviews are good for the forums :P
Anyway, thanks a bunch, guys. And welcome to the forums, all you kne people....

RobQel-Droma
12-21-2005, 05:03 PM
So, ForceFight... Have the next chapter in the works, I hope? :)

DarkLord_Revan
12-21-2005, 11:23 PM
I hope you get the next chapter done before Christmas but take your time i don't wana rush you.

Vladimir-Vlada
12-23-2005, 08:41 PM
I have read most of your Fan-Fiction. But I decieded to pause and just say what I wanted:

You are the most talented writer I had ever had the chance of meeting. The way you write these chapters is like something that is natural to you. It is like you were born with it. It acctuely flows through you like a need for food and drink, except it grants results.

Your talent will not go unnoticed, and you will go far.

ForceFightWMe12
12-23-2005, 08:49 PM
Alright, that last part sounded like a fortune cookie :D

Jk (FYI: Just Kidding, not Jedi Knight :) )

Thanks, Vlad. Glad you like it so much :D :D :D :D I've gotta memorize different smilies...

Vladimir-Vlada
12-23-2005, 08:53 PM
The last part was meant to say that if you ever turn to writing, you will never starve. Meaning that even though writing is one of the dying arts and that you will be sucessful overall in your career.

I also was a bit unhonest in my reply. Because RC 1162, Jedi_Knight_707, Sabretooth, Hallucination and Renegade Angel are also talented writers. But you have the highest rankings, if you know what I mean.

ForceFightWMe12
12-23-2005, 09:04 PM
I knew what you meant :D I was just messing around. They're all amazing writters. That's why I can't figure out why they all like me

Vladimir-Vlada
12-23-2005, 09:09 PM
You don't know why? Because you think of writing serious fiction and you easily describe battles, and most importantly you know how to present feelings. Those are markings of a talented writer.

ForceFightWMe12
12-24-2005, 10:22 AM
Gee, thanks, now I really feel loved :stick: :rofl:

Renegade Puma
12-27-2005, 08:13 AM
Well, thanks for the welcome to the forums :) I must say it suck to be in the same boat as you guys now. I first found this site and forum through a search for KOTOR III. Then I decided to check out this fanfic. I must admit I didn't know things like this existed. I just never looked I guess. Anyway I was spoiled by being able to read the first 8 chapters in two evenings. Now I am waiting "what seems like forever" for chapter 9!! Please, please Forceflight, post it soon!!

Deathic
12-27-2005, 12:41 PM
Yes please your story is amazing!!!!!!!!! Please post

ForceFightWMe12
12-27-2005, 03:38 PM
And BTW, cut out the spam, everyone, or nobody gets candies

Maybe they'll listen to you :P

Anyway, thanks guys. As of yet, my stories been pretty mushy-gushy lovey-dovey, but there is action on the way, just sit tight...and pray I get this chapter done eventually...:D

Most viewed fic in LF is 4500+ ?...I'm getting close...:rofl:

JasraLantill
12-27-2005, 04:05 PM
Great story so far! I've been lurking and reading for the past couple of days and I must say that I am impressed with your continuity and your writing skills. You really know how to capture the 'mushy-gushy lovey-dovey' feelings and put them into words, and that's what keeps everyone hooked. In fact, you've inspired me to finally put pen to paper--or rather,fingers to keyboard--and start a fic of my own. (Hope I do as well as you have!) Looking forward to your next installment. Keep up the good work!

Deathic
12-27-2005, 10:59 PM
Are we supposed to be wondering? :lol:

John Skywalker
12-28-2005, 02:57 PM
ForceFight you are the queen of Fanfics by far i wish you were my girlfreind, we could have Kotor discusions:)

Renegade Puma
12-29-2005, 09:15 AM
So is the new chapter ready yet? and with that in mind, So is the new chapter ready yet? Also I was wondering, So is the new chapter ready yet?, And please could you tell us if, So is the new chapter ready yet? And my closing thoughts to this post are..
So is the new chapter ready yet?
So is the new chapter ready yet?
So is the new chapter ready yet?
So is the new chapter ready yet?
So is the new chapter ready yet?
So is the new chapter ready yet?
So is the new chapter ready yet?
So is the new chapter ready yet?

Get my point? :)

P.s.
So is the new chapter ready yet?

Renegade Puma
12-30-2005, 04:58 AM
Hey guys. I just completed the first chapter of my own fanfic. I have never written a story before, ever. So I would appreciate some feedback on it. Forceflight you really inspired me with your story so far. So I thought I would give it a go of my own to see how much fun I could have. If you guys check it out, then thanks :)

Darth Diouf
12-30-2005, 12:35 PM
Hey guys this and the Mace Windu Fanfics are very well written I was never great at creative writting but well done to you two guys for the great stories and keep it up!

RC-1162
12-31-2005, 09:28 AM
thanks, man. and Welcome to the Forums.

Renegade Puma
01-03-2006, 02:29 AM
I am anxiously awaiting your next chapter Forcefight. Where are you?

ForceFightWMe12
01-04-2006, 03:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ForceFightWMe12
The more feedback, the quicker I'll update.




Really? Seems to me that it's the exact opposite.

Well....that was also in the beginning when I had almost no other fans besides RC and MidKnight...it also helped that at that point, it wasn't the holidays and there wasn't enough snow for me to ski/snowboard :D

Fuu
01-04-2006, 04:18 PM
^
Don’t worry about JK, he got banned anyway. As for your fic, take your time :D
We all love your fic, but if TSL has taught us anything: We'd rather wait for an excellently polished product, as opposed to a rushed and unfinished one.

Still looking foreword to you next chapter

Fuu

Vladimir-Vlada
01-04-2006, 09:19 PM
Don’t worry about JK, he got banned anyway.
He got banned? The only reason I could possibly think of is maybe spam... Oh well.

So... Do you still have a writers block, ForceFightsWithMe12? Is it a writers block concerning the entire plot, or is it just some block concerning the way you want the events to occur? I'll supply advices on both things:

The way you want the events to occur: This is the most common writers block and the one that occurs the most often. Don't worry about it, it happens to everyone; I admit it is an important factor that adds the quality of the events that are described. All you have to do, is sit back, relax and imagine how would it look like. What would cause you to be interested? What would draw your attention? How would it look like? As soon as you find an answer, write it down.

The overall plot: This is a less often writers block than the previous one, and don't worry it happens to everyone in the beginning. About this one: Take your time. Don't rush it, think it over, carefully. In the end you will make a quality story and will have great results.

I hope this helped.

Darth333
01-04-2006, 10:35 PM
Spam fest is over :tsk:

And more particularly the following users should consider themselves officially warned for spamming: RC 1162, DarkLord_Revan and Hallucination (Jedi_Knight_707 too but he's already on "forced" vacations)



ForceFightWMe12: keep it up! What I saw between the spam posts looked pretty good :)

edit: I did some cleaning in the thread.

RH Edit: Apologies are considered spam too!

ForceFightWMe12
01-05-2006, 03:19 PM
The Darth333 likes my story? I feel special now :D

Thanks for the advice, Vlad. The problem with my writter's block is how I want things to occur, and also that fact that I have a certain...well...mood that I have to be in to write. Otherwise, if I try to write...it...er...stinks :D

RC-1162
01-08-2006, 07:03 AM
if i were you, id try and act out what i tink and see if it works out. thatsw what i do for some of my fight scenes.

Steve-O Kreesh
01-15-2006, 03:48 PM
Forcefight, you are one talented writer for your age. Your style reminds me a lot of Margret Weis, one of my favorite authors. You should really think about writing as a career. You have talent young lady, keep it up. :)

Renegade Puma
01-18-2006, 06:24 AM
Wow FF, you must have like MAJOR writer's block. I have written 11 chapters of my own story since the last time you updated. Course mine isn't nearly as good as yours, but still, please please please, give us a new chapter.

ForceFightWMe12
01-18-2006, 03:23 PM
Alright, good and bad news. Which first? Here, I'll let you pick:

Bad news:
I still have writter's block.

Good news:
My new chapter is almost finished.

I love spoiler tags :D

RC-1162
01-19-2006, 01:03 PM
Welcome to the Forums, Master Revan.
and its good to know that your chapter is almost finished. although, i think writers block is contagious, since im suffering from it too, and i have a stupid drill to do tomorrow in our annual sports day. talk about cr@p.

Char Ell
01-20-2006, 02:09 AM
I've read your "Plight of Darkness", ForceFightWMe12 (btw you picked a great screen name :D) or at least all that you've written thus far. With the understanding that you are only thirteen years of age, I, like most everybody, think you've written some great stuff here. FYI, I'm in the 30+ club so I'm sure I'm over the hill as far as you're concerned. :xp: But IIRC MDKnightR may give me a run for my money in the age department... :naughty:

PROS
I think you demostrate skill with writing live conversation into your story, an area where many other writers struggle. I also enjoy the freshness and innocence you use to portray Revan and Elron. While the romances between the two couples encounter obstacles, as most romances do, you make these obstacles seem so simple to overcome if only the lovers could see it thru your eyes. And most of all I enjoy your creativity and imagination. The plot twist with Revan's heritage is a wonderful surprise, as others have mentioned.

CONS - (I feel guilty for including these so I spoilerized them. Read them only if you really want to)
You're already aware of your weakness with spelling. I only mention it because IMO if a writer wants to capture her readers' full attention then it's important to eliminate spelling errors as they are potential distractions to the reader.
I think the only other con is really mea culpa. I'm an old geezer and I've allowed the vicissitudes of life to strip me of my youthful innocence. While I enjoy seeing Revan and Elron through your eyes I don't really see them that way myself. As I read your story the left side of my brain relentlessly whispered that this isn't how Revan and the Exile really are. Unfortunately, and really I mean unfortunately, I see more complexities and nuances and not so much simpleness in my versions of Revan and the Exile. I offer this feedback only as a means to illustrate the differences in your story's audience. I wish I could borrow The Doctor's time machine and fast forward 10 years, even though that would put me in the *gasp* 40+ club, so I could see what your writing is like then. Keep up the writing girl! The Force does indeed fight with you! :D I look forward to your next chapter.

MdKnightR
01-21-2006, 01:01 AM
FYI, I'm in the 30+ club so I'm sure I'm over the hill as far as you're concerned. :xp: But IIRC MDKnightR may give me a run for my money in the age department... :naughty:


And just what is that supposed to mean? :xp:

On the contrary, I did find your take on Revan and the Exile to be quite refreshing. Don't let his "vicissitudes" spoil that. By the way, this is the Webster definition...

2 a : a favorable or unfavorable event or situation that occurs by chance : a fluctuation of state or condition <the vicissitudes of daily life>

Hai Wan must be trying to expand his vocabulary because it looks to me as if he just looked that word up and used it today. I had an art professor in college that did the same thing on a daily basis. Always trying to impress you with his intellect. :rolleyes:

Char Ell
01-21-2006, 02:30 AM
Hai Wan must be trying to expand his vocabulary because it looks to me as if he just looked that word up and used it today. I had an art professor in college that did the same thing on a daily basis. Always trying to impress you with his intellect. Awww, come on MdNightR, you can admit it if you were just a wee bit impressed with my diction, o fellow Smallville fan... :xp: In all honesty though I do read a lot and I remember words and phrases that resonate with me and I will later use them in my personal writing. Is that considered plagiarism? If it is then consider me guilty as charged. This method is not without its drawbacks though. I remember a Saturday Night Live skit where the SNL cast spoofed Jesse Jackson using the phrase, "The point is moot!" I thought that was a pretty cool phrase and used it until one day I decided to look moot up in the dictionary and to my chagrin discovered that moot used in that manner is an adjective. The moral of the story? Don't let SNL be your English teacher. :D
And I also freely admit to frequent use of dictionary.com when I am unsure of appropriate use of the words I write. You know, trying to remember if the word is an adjective, adverb, or preposition is a real pain and sure does take a lot of time and effort. Ughh!

On the contrary, I did find your take on Revan and the Exile to be quite refreshing. Don't let his "vicissitudes" spoil that.
@ForceFightWMe12 - PLEASE, PLEASE by all that is good and decent I implore you to not let my "vicissitudes" spoil any of your writing. I would be greatly disappointed if you did. I feel you have great skill at writing. Your writing reflects who you are, what you think, what you feel, and I would not want to detract from that. If you're writing just for the joy of writing then either don't read or ignore my stated cons. If however you're interested in one of your "older" reader's thoughts about your story then please understand that I shared these with only the best intentions. Indeed, did I not say that I felt guilty even posting them?

ForceFightWMe12
01-21-2006, 07:39 PM
You know what, I'm quitting writting for the rest of my life :nut:
Yeah, right. Thanks for your input, Hai Wan! Hmm...vicissitudes...interesting word...:xp:

MasterAwder
01-22-2006, 11:54 AM
when is the new chapter coming

JediKnight707
01-24-2006, 10:53 PM
Most viewed fic in LF is 4500+ ?

Just 200 away! 'Cause I'm nice, I'll get you about 100 of those "checking for updates"...

ForceFightWMe12
01-25-2006, 06:32 PM
Just 200 away

*parties* Go me, go me, its my birthday, not really, party anyway...:xp:

Hmm...perhaps an update would give me those needed 200? :dev10:

Master Reven
01-25-2006, 07:17 PM
Hmm...perhaps an update would give me those needed 200? :dev10:[/QUOTE]



Duh! Anyway, Superb story so far! Believe me when I say that I have checked this thread everyday since I first saw it. Obsessed I know. :drool1:

ForceFightWMe12
01-25-2006, 08:11 PM
I'm working on it, I'm working on it...though this block of mine is like trying to ride a bike through a swamp...not that i've tried...

JediKnight707
01-25-2006, 08:23 PM
Been there done that ;). But, I'll let you in a secret. Depending on how you finish it, and how long you keep it going (and maybe putting this in your sig will help), this thing will probably go up to 7000+

Vladimir-Vlada
01-25-2006, 08:25 PM
I'm working on it, I'm working on it...though this block of mine is like trying to ride a bike through a swamp...not that i've tried...
Sounds like that that mood isn't exatcly the type that appears often. Hmm...

...I suggest that if you can't seem to get that mood (or inspiration), then try imaginating it. Proof read, and if the results are like the ones you wanted, carry on.
But you have to work really, really, really hard to do that. You will do fine. Believe me.

Regretablly, I am not as lucky as you are. When I get some ideas for a potential story, it starts from a mere beginning that features TV shows; after 10 minutes of imagining, the story becomes enormous, long, complex and hard to explain so much, that not even 2 hours are enough for me to write something that will in small part make the story interesting.

But, it happens. You have luck and I don't. I hope the advice helped.

ForceFightWMe12
01-25-2006, 10:38 PM
Muwahahaha! Victory is mine! Die you evil Writter's Block!!!

Sorry you had to see that :xp: but guess what? I've finished! Lemme repeat that:

I'VE FINISHED! :D

Alright, it's a little shorter, and I took a slightly more comic approach towards the end here, but...enough of my babbling. On with the show! Oh, and if the dialouge sucks, not my fault, you pushy pushy fans...:xp:

__________________________________________________ _________

---Chapter Thirteen---


“C’mon, you have to know something about it!”
“Ruins? No, I’m sorry. I haven’t been below the surface in years.”
“Well you must have heard something from all the spacers that pass through here!”
“Look, Offworlder, I am an antiques dealer, I deal with items that come to me, not the other way around. I’m sorry but I know nothing about this.”
“Alright, sorry we bothered you then.”
Elron and Visas exited the Manaan antiques shop, into the bright sunlight. Fairly frustrated, the Exile walked to the barrier at the edge of the courtyard, staring out over the waves. Visas joined him and for a few moments, they watched silently as waves lapped up against the metal.
“What is it about the Handmaiden?”
Elron turned to the Miraluka, who refused to make eye contact. “What?”
“Why is she so special to you? What is it about her?” the Jedi asked, picking distractedly at her gloves.
“Oh…Visas…” he took her wrist, “Look…”
“Exile? Exile, come in.”
Elron gave an exasperated sigh, and released Visas. He looked back out across the water, pulling the comm. from his belt.
“Exile here.” he said, an annoyed edge slipping into his voice.
“It’s Revan. Any luck?”
“None so far. Just a few grumpy Fish-people. Not much else. You?”
“Pretty much the same here. We’re about to head into the Courts.”
“Alright, but we’re beginning to run out of places to check around here.”
“Rendezvous at the Ebon Hawk at 1600 hours. We’ll talk more then.”
“Understood. Exile out.”
More than ready to chuck the tiny bit of metal and circuits into the sea, Elron reattached it to his belt.
“Well, we had better…” he turned to where Visas…used to be standing beside him. The Miraluka was gone. Huh? She was right there a second ago… he thought, casting about for her.

~*~*~

“Understood. Exile out.”
“Manaan doesn’t like to give up its secrets, does it?” Carth said, shaking his head.
“Apparently not.” Bastila answered.
Revan sighed. “One of the most beautiful planets I have ever seen…and the most annoying. C’mon, let’s go see what the Ahto Courts have for us.”

~*~*~

“Let the records show that Judges Shelkar,”
“Jhosa,”
“Naleshekan,”
“Kota,”
“And Duula,”
“Have found the defendant guilty on all charges, and shall be sentenced to three years in the Ahto Rehabilitation Centre--”
“B-but you’re Honors--”
“Your time to speak is over, Killian. The sentencing stands. Bring in the next plaintiffs.”
Revan and his companions sauntered into the Ahto Courts just as the defendant, Killian apparently, was escorted out by two Selkath bailiffs.
“What is the case that you bring to us?” the Selkath in the center, Shelkar, asked them.
“The case of a set of missing ruins and a civilization that seems to have disappeared.” Revan said, a cocky smile flitting across his face.
Each of the judges looked closer at him at the sound of his voice. Their dark, filmy eyes traveled over Carth and Bastila, as well.
“I know you, Offworlder.” Jhosa commented.
“Yes…has Revan truly returned to Manaan?” Shelkar asked in wonder.
“I have.” the Knight replied, proceeding to stand before the judges. “And I was wondering if you could help me with a problem.”
“After what you did for us…” Naleshekan began.
“Saving the Harakart Rift and our ancestors…”
“As well as helping us to root out the Sith lies during the War…”
“We’d do anything within our power and right to help you.”
Each of the judges spoke in turn, however, Duula stayed silent.
“I’m looking for a system of ruins, thousands upon thousands of years old that could be hidden somewhere on Manaan’s surface. Even older than the ones we found in the Harakart Rift.”
“Ruins?” Kota asked.
“Yeah, anything with inscriptions that may look like…this.” Revan said, pulling up one of the files he had copied onto his datapad from a holocron back in the temple.
“Actually…” Shelkar began. He looked down at a computer screen built into his desk. A picture of a hunk of stone with smudgy writings craved onto it came up on the screen, a box below it running runes similar to the ones glowing on Revan’s datapad. “This…was found by one of our exploration teams at the lip of the Harakart rift. We believe it was forced up out of the Rift by the tides. We haven’t had a chance to date it yet, however.”
“Can you get us a transport to the spot where it was found?” Carth asked anxiously. This had been the first hit they’d had all day.
“We can do better than that.” Jhosa said. “I am head of Ahto City’s research society. I can have a submersible and a guide prepared for your use immediately.”
Revan grinned, one of the few times he had in a very long time. “That would work just nicely.” he said.
“Very well,” the Selkath said, punching a command on his console, “A sub will be prepared for you at the Republic docking bays in a few moments. Considering it was the way that you descended last time, I trust you know where those are?”

~*~*~

“Exile? Atton?”
“Here.”
“Yeah?”
“Guess what, boys? We’re taking a fabulous vacation to the Harakart Rift!”
“I take it you got a hit?”
“Indeed I did.”
“You owe me twenty credits, Atton.”
“Damn!”
“Alright, well, keep in touch, guys. We might be out of comm. reach, depending on how deep we go into the Rift.”
“Understood.”
“Got it.”
Revan switched off the comm., flipping the small device in his hand before returning it to his belt.
“Well, you seem happy.” Bastila said, a smile playing across her lips.
The Knight rounded on her, grabbing her in a bear-hug and spinning round before planting her on the ground again. “Happy? I just got some of the best news yet! I think happy is an understatement.”
“Energetic too.” Carth chuckled.
“Hey, if we weren’t in a street full of Selkath, I’d do a cartwheel, alright?”

~*~*~

Within the span of ten minutes, Revan, Bastila, and Carth were in the submersible Jhosa had reserved for them, a Selkath guide ready to dive in along side them and guide them to the area where the tablet was found. The Sub had three different cockpits, each with their own separate air bubble. Each leapt into their respective seats, closed off their cockpits, and Revan started the engines. The roar of rushing water filled the sub as the little durasteel vehicle sank beneath the waves.

~*~*~

“Down once more to the dungeon of my black despair!”
“Revan!”
“Down we plunge to the prison of my mind!”
“I didn’t know he could sing, heheh!”
“By the Force, you should hear him when he’s in the shower!”
“I’m not sure I like the way that sounds, Bastila, ahaha!”
“Carth--”
“Down that path into darkness deep as--”
“Revan, if we weren’t in separate cockpits, I’d hit you.”

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

Hallucination
01-25-2006, 10:39 PM
I'm working on it, I'm working on it...though this block of mine is like trying to ride a bike through a swamp...not that i've tried...
Forcefight, you're the best writer here, and you have plenty of fans around here, but sometimes I think you write as slow as a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.;)

Enjoy your writing, and don't do drugs (alliterations FTW!).

Edit: You did that on purpose didn't you? :D. Good chapter.

ForceFightWMe12
01-25-2006, 10:41 PM
On purpose? My, whatever would you mean? :xp:

Hallucination
01-25-2006, 10:49 PM
On purpose? My, whatever would you mean? :xp:
Not the tongue-sticking out smilie, that'll give me cancer of the right nebular!:xp:
We all know you like posting things one minute before you get a response to something else. :tsk::tsk:

ForceFightWMe12
01-25-2006, 10:53 PM
:xp: :xp: :xp:
I've been caught!!
:xp: :xp: :xp:
Actually, that one just kind of happened, though I can't say its not fun :D

Hallucination
01-25-2006, 11:20 PM
Yeah, it is pretty fun. :D
Keep up the good work, lock the doors and windows in your house, the stalkers come in the night;). And don't do drugs (I really like alliterations today).

Renegade Puma
01-26-2006, 02:47 AM
Yay! I am so glad to finally get to read a new chapter from FF :) Great job FF, keep it up. And give us a new chapter within a week ok? Yeah, that should do :)

RC-1162
01-26-2006, 08:18 AM
YAAHOOOOOO!!! excellent work, FFWM12, even though you dont like me XP
you have heard this i know, but still: Youre the awesomest, superest, bestest writer ive ever seen. (well, LF-talked-with):D

MdKnightR
01-26-2006, 09:17 AM
FINALLY!!! I was beginning to think you had a fatal case of writers' block. Great chapter!

ForceFightWMe12
01-26-2006, 03:09 PM
Thanks guys :D
For a while, I was thinking along the lines of you, MidKnight. I thought I was going to be dead in the water for...well...ever :'( But I'm back. Back again.

even though you dont like me XP

Where the heck did you get that idea??

Snafu7
01-26-2006, 04:52 PM
Another wonderful chapter FF, definately worth the wait, great job!

ForceFightWMe12
01-27-2006, 03:33 PM
Thanks, Snafu, glad you liked it :D

Hallucination
01-27-2006, 06:22 PM
Yay! I am so glad to finally get to read a new chapter from FF :) Great job FF, keep it up. And give us a new chapter within a week ok? Yeah, that should do :)
Rule of Fanfics #1: You don't pressure Forcefight or you'll get cancer of the right nebular for Christmas. ;)
So Forcefight, any spoilers on the next chapter?

MasterAwder
01-27-2006, 06:28 PM
great chapter

ForceFightWMe12
01-27-2006, 06:52 PM
Thanks guys :D
And you know, Hall's right :xp:

Spoilers, spoilers...well...I can tell you that **** go ***** *****, **** the ****** ****, ***** **** **** **** *********** that leads them to *********, but before **** *** *** back ** *** *******, Elron and *** ***** **** * **** set up by ******, who ***** *****. They try to **** ***** *** Ba**** *** ****, but *** **** **** ***** ****. *** too late anyway, the **** *** ******, and R**** *** *** ****** find ********** Knee-deep in ***** *** some other ********* ********.

Does that sooth your curiosity? :nut:

Most viewed fic in LF is 4500+

Do I qualify to take that spot yet? :xp:

RC-1162
01-28-2006, 11:21 AM
^^^
i guess so, seein that you have 4700+ views :D ;)

and BTW, am i writing spanish or did you put me on your ignore list, since you thoroughly ignore my requests to check out my fic.

and PS to all in general: whats 'FTW'??

ForceFightWMe12
01-28-2006, 11:47 AM
Omg, Your fic! I totally forgot I never replied!!! :open2:
I'm sorry, RC! I read your Mace fic a while ago, and apparently I forgot to put up a review :headbump: Sorry!

Snafu7
01-28-2006, 01:19 PM
and PS to all in general: whats 'FTW'??

Means "for the win"

Hallucination
01-28-2006, 03:02 PM
Spoilers, spoilers...well...I can tell you that **** go ***** *****, **** the ****** ****, ***** **** **** **** *********** that leads them to *********, but before **** *** *** back ** *** *******, Elron and *** ***** **** * **** set up by ******, who ***** *****. They try to **** ***** *** Ba**** *** ****, but *** **** **** ***** ****. *** too late anyway, the **** *** ******, and R**** *** *** ****** find ********** Knee-deep in ***** *** some other ********* ********.

Does that sooth your curiosity? :nut:

So they go to the unknown regions and get into some trouble?:xp: That's a little vague.;)

Snafu7
01-28-2006, 03:37 PM
That's a little vague.;)

hmmm... I'd say that cleared things right up :D

Steve-O Kreesh
01-28-2006, 03:43 PM
Nice chapter Forcefight. Keep up the good work!

ForceFightWMe12
01-28-2006, 06:57 PM
Well, that's part of it :xp: But not what's written there. Nice try :D

JediKnight707
01-28-2006, 07:11 PM
Pfft. Horrible chapter. :rofl: J/King. Don't wanna get killed by the others here. Though, I must say I thought that Brianna and Elron would do something

ForceFightWMe12
01-28-2006, 07:38 PM
Sick mind, JK, sick mind :xp: Who said they wont?

JediKnight707
01-28-2006, 07:47 PM
Hey! I was just saying that Brianna wasn't even mentioned.

ForceFightWMe12
01-28-2006, 07:51 PM
'Cause Briana was on the ship. Don't worry, she'll show up more in the next chapter.

JediKnight707
01-28-2006, 07:53 PM
She better, or else!! We'll be mad...

ForceFightWMe12
01-28-2006, 07:56 PM
Lol, well, a lot of stuff happens in the next chapter...or I might decide to divide next chapter into two different chapters...I dunno yet...

JediKnight707
01-28-2006, 08:03 PM
Uhmm, I have a suggestion: Give us chapters like.....at least monthly. Were all here hanging by the edge of our seats, and we get like nothing. *cries* It's just so sad to wait for it. :( And how do you know what happens in the next chapter??? Do you have connections with the author or something?

ForceFightWMe12
01-28-2006, 08:13 PM
Oh, I have my ways :marx1:
And as for the monthy updates, I try to get the chapters out at a reasonable rate, but sometimes...it just doesn't work out that way :animelol:

JediKnight707
01-28-2006, 08:32 PM
Ya, sometimes it just takes like....thirty years for an update :)

ForceFightWMe12
01-28-2006, 08:42 PM
And yet you yell at me for taking a month and a half :xp: j.k.

Alright, I'm setting a deadline for myself. This chapter I posted at 1/25/06. My deadline for the next one will be....2/15/06.

RC-1162
01-29-2006, 06:47 AM
^^
thats too long. but ill wait if it means a good chapter is coming up :D
its ok bout the fic, i just wanna know what you thinkbout it

Master Reven
02-02-2006, 05:40 PM
keep it up! oh and I'll hold you to your deadline so don't forget

ForceFightWMe12
02-11-2006, 12:20 PM
What's this? A new chapter coming four days early?? :xp: Yes, it is! This chapter's a bit longer...almost 2,000 words...I didn't think it was possible for one of my chapters to be this long...:xp: 890 posts!! W00t! Go me :D

Alright, anyway. Here's the new chapter, ahead of schedual (don't get used to it :xp: )


__________________________________________________ ______




---Chapter Fourteen---


“Hey guys…look at this.” Carth said, moving one of the high-beam lights on the submersible’s hull on what appeared to be a large crack in the Rift wall. The three had been searching for several hours now, trying to locate anything that could lead them to what secrets the waters of Manaan were hiding so jealously…this looked the most promising.
Revan swung another of the lights onto the crack, “It looks as if there’s some kind of cave behind it…Do you think we can fit through?”
“Give me all primary controls.” Carth said, “I’ll squeeze us in there.
The rent in the stone ran lengthwise, and appeared to the large enough for the sub to fit through. Hopefully.
“Easy does it…” Carth murmured to no one in particular, pressing slightly down on the throttle. He kept it open just enough for them to inch forward against the tide. However, fitting through didn’t turn out to be as easy as they had thought.
Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
The terrible noise of metal against rock rent the waters, slicing straight through the ears of the three companions.
“Heheh, oops.” Carth said, straightening the sub again, bringing them off the rocks. The top and bottom of the transport slid just under the rock lip, leaving only centimeters to spare. However, in a moment, they were through.
The beams of light from their sub scanned across the rock surfaces, showing them what appeared to be…
“Runes.” Revan breathed.
Sure enough, three rows of carved runes ran across the rock at different intervals, leading upwards.
“Bring her up, Carth.” Revan said.
“But there’s nothing but rock up there--”
“Trust me on this one. Bring her up.”
“Alright, but if we end up like bugs on a speeder’s windshield, don’t blame me…”
The pilot slowly turned the nose of the submersible up at the ceiling of the cave. As they rose through the waters, they saw light spilling out from somewhere above.
Carth was right, the ceiling of the cave was solid rock, however, the walls weren’t. A single wall, to be precises.
“An air pocket.” Bastila murmured.
“My guess was that it never used to be an ‘air pocket’. Did you see the stairs carved into the side of the wall?” Revan asked as Carth eased them forward.
“I think that adds to the theory of the surface of Manaan not always being water.”
“Well, whatever’s up there,” Carth began, “We’re about to find out. Up we go.”
Even as he said the words, the sub shot upward, rocking back and forth as they surfaced. The pilot guided the ship up to the edge of the water, where he stopped and shut down the engines.
There was a hiss of escaping air, and Revan climbed out from his cockpit, walking carfully across the sub until he was able to leap to the rock floor. There were another two hisses, and Carth and Bastila joined him.
“This reminds me too much of our last visit to Manaan.” Revan murmured. The ‘cave’ they had stepped into appeared to have actually been a hallway, ancient light strips that hadn’t been activated in ages lined the walls, runes scrolling underneath them.
“I’ll say.” Carth said, “This place gives me the creeps.”
“It should,” Bastila said, barely audible, “It reeks of Dark Energy.”
Revan reached into a pack on his belt, and pulled out a small, pen-sized rod. He turned the top of it, and a beam of light shot out, illuminating a small patch of the wall. “Well, we’re not doing much just standing here. C’mon.” and with that, proceeded into the darkness of the hallway.

~*~*~

And of all the Jedi teachings…

Briana read the datapad before her. Having nothing more to do, she decided she would take a refresher course in the Jedi teachings.

…the most predominate and important of them all…

It had been hours, and not so much as a word from anyone. She supposed no news was good news. After all, if someone had been hurt, they would have returned to the Hawk immediately, right?

…is the teaching of self-restraint and suppression of emotions…

The Handmaiden hardly took in the information as she read the words. Her mind was with Elron, in the streets of Manaan.

…Chief among these emotions…

The feeling of his hands gently caressing her skin…a shiver went up her spine. She…she was going to want that again.

…are the feelings of anger…

The touch of his lips as they pressed against hers…she felt her cheeks redden at the thought.

…and of love.

~*~*~

Elron searched through all of Ahto, finding neither of the two things he was looking for. One item was more information on this…finding that Revan had discovered. The other, was Visas.
Visas! he frowned, Where could you have gone?
After a moment, he fell back against one of the walls of the courtyard, sliding down to the ground.
Great, Elron, nice job. he thought, pounding his head against the metal, Win over Briana, and make an enemy out of Visas. Just perfect.
What did the Miraluka care anyway? It wasn’t as if Elron had shown her…much special treatment, or attention. Except, perhaps, on the Ravager. The things he had said, the way he protected her…the way he felt…
Ah, but what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just let Nhilus devour her! Nor could he have killed her, a wound and defensless opponent, when they had first met (or, better to say, fought) on the Ebon Hawk.

~*~*~

“Urgh!” Bastila murmured, picking bits of cobweb from her hair, “How did these get down here anyway?”
“I dunno, doesn’t seem to me as if something could get this far down under the surface without some kind of fins…” Carth said, his voice echoing back and forth down the stone hallway.
“Guys, look.”
The Jedi and pilot drew level with Revan, who was pointing straight ahead. There was…a light.
“What is that?” Bastila whispered. She didn’t like the looks of it, but Revan’s resolve was set in stone.
“There’s only one way to find out,” he said, and proceeded further into the darkness.
After several moments of walking through total silence, the threesome had reached the ‘light’. And what they saw amazed them.
“By the Force…” Revan said, stepping into the vast room, but his voice was drowned out by the sound of…waterfalls?
The room was gigantic, easily the size of half the Jedi Enclave at Dantooine. The strangest thing was that the room was lit with sunlight.
“But, how--” Carth began, when Revan pointed upwards.
There was a great monolith in the center of the room, and it reached up to the ceiling…hundreds of feet above them, where there appeared to be a circular hole cut into the stone, which allowed in light. Along with the light, however, came tons and tons of water, falling all that way around the monolith, into a pit at the great tower’s base. The pit itself seemed to have a second hole in it which allowed the water to drain out as fast as it came in.
The walls formed a circular base to the room, three other empty doorways carved into them at points that would be marked North, East, and West on a compass.
“What should we do now?” Bastila asked, having to nearly shout to make herself heard, “It would take us forever to search each of those pathways.”
“We’ll split up.” Revan answered.
“Are you crazy?!” Carth asked increduosly, “Who knows what’s down there! What if something happens?”
“You two have comms. with you, don’t you?” Revan asked.
“Well sure, but will they work through these walls?”
“We’ll have to hope. Now c’mon.” the Jedi removed his cloak, and dropped it on the ground at the mouth of the entrance. “Just so that we remember which way is out.” he explained, before the three wished the Force be with each other, and departed, each down a separate path.

~*~*~

“…and plus five is twenty.” Atton said, slapping a +/-5 pazzak card down on the table.
“Damn it!” his opponent, a wheezened, old ‘champ’, cursed, slamming his hand down before pushing his credits across the table to Atton.
“Pure pazzak!” the Scoundrel murmured, before collecting the credits and depositing them in his pocket. “How ‘bout another game?”
“No, that’s it for me, I’m all out.” his opponent said, before standing and leaving the cantina.
“Well, that purse buys us the next couple of drinks.” Mira said, taking the old man’s seat and sliding a glass of juma across to Atton.
“Heh, that purse buys us the next couple month’s worth of drinks.” he bragged, taking a swig.
“Yeah, yeah.” she said, reaching in a pocket of her pants and pulling out a deck of her own, “Let’s just see how good you are, flyboy. Five hundred credits says I beat you.” she challenged.
“We couldn’t have picked a better place to look for info,” Atton murmured, “Because five hundred says you can’t.”

~*~*~

Frustration bubbled up in Elron as the Exile stood once again. He had to get moving. He entered the West Courtyard of Ahto, moving past the courthouses to the hotel further up the road, when he noticed a Selkath and an un-armored Mandalorian speaking in one of the allies.
Wait a minute… the Exile thought as he passed, This doesn’t seem right…
He walked casually by the alley, then stopped at the other side, pressed himself up against the wall, and used the Force to enhance his hearing.
“Your men are in place, yes?”
That was the Selkath.
“Of course, why wouldn’t they be, Duulas? Look, we’re professionals, and there’s no way we’re going to let a prey like Revan slip through our fingers.”
“They had better be, Mandalorian. If Revan and his companions escape and this whole thing is traced back to me, then it will be your head, you understand? You aren’t the only one working for me in this city as well as under the sea.”
“I’ve got it covered. You just relax and let us do your dirty work for you.” the Mandalorian said disdainfully.
Elron’s eyes sharpened. What? Revan? Men?
This isn’t good… Elron thought, running further down the boardwalk, Not good at all.
He grabbed the comm. from his belt as he slid into a side alley, then activated it after checking to see no one was around.
“Revan? Revan! This is the Exile, come in Revan! It’s urgent!!”
Nothing but fuzz. They were out of reach.
“Oh no…” he thought, running to find the others, “No!”

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/BastilaRevanforever/more%20stuffs/dfe94322.gif

Hallucination
02-11-2006, 12:41 PM
Another great chapter, keep it up!
>_>
<_<
It makes me guilty to point out little errors like this, so I'll spoilerize it:Pure pazaak is 20, not 21.

ForceFightWMe12
02-11-2006, 01:35 PM
I knew that :xp: What game is it with 21? Black Jack?

Hallucination
02-11-2006, 02:38 PM
^Yes, that's the one. So what's the new deadline?

ForceFightWMe12
02-11-2006, 02:48 PM
Hey, I just posted one ahead of schedual, gimme a break :xp:

Hallucination
02-11-2006, 03:48 PM
Hey, I just posted one ahead of schedule, gimme a break :xp:
One what? And you can never plan ahead too much. ;)

P.S. You should visit Ahto more often, it's a cool place. :cool:

ForceFightWMe12
02-11-2006, 04:50 PM
Schedule. I hate that word. I can never spell it right...

I know, and I'm working (kinda) on the next chapter. Hopefully it'll be done in a month. At least :xp:

Steve-O Kreesh
02-11-2006, 09:49 PM
The story is getting good ForceFight. Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next chapter. ;)

MdKnightR
02-12-2006, 07:26 PM
Another excellent chapter, ForceFight! Keep it up. This really leaves me hungry for more.

ForceFightWMe12
02-12-2006, 08:40 PM
Oh, doesn't it though? :dev9: Ah, cliffhangers. The finest tool of the writter...:xp:

JediKnight707
02-12-2006, 09:13 PM
Wow. Two whole chapters without a single kiss. What's up with that?

Hallucination
02-12-2006, 09:16 PM
Oh, doesn't it though? :dev9: Ah, cliffhangers. The finest tool of the writter...:xp:
I'm afraid you're wrong there. Proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation are the finest tools of a writer.

ForceFightWMe12
02-12-2006, 09:17 PM
Hey, this part is action....ish. A forewarning, there'll probably be a third chapter without a kiss, and then there'll be some mushy-gushy romance for ya :xp:

JediKnight707
02-12-2006, 09:22 PM
Awww man! I wanted Brianna and Elron to like...go to at least 2nd base. :lol: So when's your date for next chapter?

ForceFightWMe12
02-12-2006, 09:24 PM
I...don't know yet. I have to see how easily I can write it first :xp:

Renegade Puma
02-14-2006, 03:39 AM
Great chapter Forcefight, keep up the wonderful work.