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View Full Version : Love: is it a decision


RevanA4
09-28-2005, 06:54 PM
ok before ya go :eek: he is at it again this isn't what ya think

I was listening to the radio this morning and someone said something that floored me they said that love was a decision I just wanna see how many of ya agree or dissagree and why and plz if you vote tell why you voted how you did

thanks

Revan the great


edit: I said no because you don't just decide you are going to love someone it just happens and sometimes you are clueless as to why you are in love with someone

ET Warrior
09-28-2005, 06:59 PM
More or less. You choose who you want to be with, and typically fall in love with who you chose to be with.

RaV™
09-28-2005, 07:01 PM
Of course it's a decision I really doubt someone is forced to love someone else unless your under a different religion/ government.

RevanA4
09-28-2005, 07:03 PM
nah I think love just happens you don't wake up one day and decide you are going love someone it happen naturally sometimes with out you being aware of it until something happens to you or them

Aash Li
09-28-2005, 07:13 PM
Love is a chemical reaction (I hate saying it like that) and a bit more, its a mysterious force, and I dont care what some people say, it doesnt care who, or what you are.

But let me explain a bit more... Love and attraction are linked but also different. Im not sure there is something such as "love at first sight" but the squishy poet from beyond the stars in me, wants to believe there is. Who you are attracted to is something that you have little control over. Falling in love is a little more controllable. You can fall in love with a persons appearance, but thats where its linked to attraction. But when a person falls in love with another person, its their personality that is promoting the love, which is why sometimes a homely guy/girl can have boy/girlfriend that is really sexy.
This is also a reason why I think people can fall in love over the internet, because its their personality they are falling for... but if theyve never seen the person in a pic or in real life, and then when they do, theres the chance that the person will not be attracted to that person, and one or both will fall out of love.

So, even though, I answered no, I think its a loaded, and complicated question that is best answered with yes-no. :) :D

*puts away her psychologist's hat*

Achilles
09-28-2005, 07:15 PM
I answered "yes" because "kinda" wasn't available. There is love and then there is being in love. Unfortunately a lot of people confuse the two and often think that they are the same thing. After a while (ergo, after getting your heart broken a few times) you (hopefully) begin to realize that they are different.

The idea of being "in love" is still kinda cool, but you might begin to seek out partners that you can grow to love rather than people that sweep you off your feet. Essentially what it comes down to is the realization that after the infatuation is over, there has to be something to keep you (and/or the other person) coming around for more. That's what love is: genuine caring for someone that you may or may not be "in love" with at the time.

After you declared that "this is the one!" enough times, you'll start to discover that there is no such thing as a perfect match and that soul mates don't exist. But that doesn't mean that love isn't real and you better learn to accept that it's also a lot of work and not that fake storybook crap they feed us when we're kids. Find someone that you care about, commit to putting up with each other's faults, and then learn to appreciate the fact that the grass isn't greener on the other side and that it won't be easier with someone else.

*Disclaimer: Unless your partner is physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive. If you find yourself trapped with one of these people, bail ASAP. The key concept is "healthy relationships".

*Steps off of soapbox*

RevanA4
09-28-2005, 07:25 PM
well can a mod but put a yes-no answer in there I was gonna put it down but I thought i might confuse people

ET Warrior
09-28-2005, 08:58 PM
nah I think love just happens you don't wake up one day and decide you are going love someoneNor do you walk down the street and randomly realize that you're in love with that girl over at the bus stop.

90SK
09-28-2005, 09:39 PM
^^^
Of course, not. It's a gradual process. You get to know someone, and eventually you realize that you've fallen in love. Of course, you may "want" to fall in love with this person, but arguably the falling has already happened by then.

ET Warrior
09-28-2005, 09:51 PM
Yet it was your concious decision to be around them that led to your sudden "realization" So one can say you chose to put yourself in the proper position.

It's like if I get hit by a bus because I was standing in front of it. I didn't exactly choose for that bus to hit me, I just chose to put myself where it was likely to happen.

90SK
09-28-2005, 10:08 PM
Unless you're standing on the sidewalk, and the bus unexpectedly veers off the road and hits you. It's like that with love, in some cases: Maybe you're friends with someone, and they introduce you to a friend of theirs, and you end up seeing a lot of that person. You eventually find that you have feelings for that person, and thus you choose to see that person more often.

Basically, yeah you’re right, but I think that there is a mutual attraction that occurs beforehand that is beyond our control.

ET Warrior
09-28-2005, 10:30 PM
Well, physical attraction is indeed something we don't control. I have no idea why I find some girls hot and others not. That I'll agree is something that's not really a decision.

REDJOHNNYMIKE
09-29-2005, 12:03 AM
It does depend on which love you are talking about, there's more than one,
Loving your neighbor for example, which is definitely a choice, and a really hard one to make;)

Rogue15
09-29-2005, 12:06 AM
yeah it's a choice.

Bob Lion54
09-29-2005, 12:27 AM
Well, with the Favorite line thread, I might as well quote a song here.

"You can't make a heart love somebody. You can lead a heart to love, but you can't make it fall"

Pretty much sums up my feelings. The oppisite is true, too. Sometimes you'll fall in love with someone you don't mean to. One day you are just friends, then WAM you relize you love that person.

Sure, you can try to force it, but that never works. If you ignore it, it dosen't go away. (not if its real love, then its just infatuation)

MdKnightR
09-29-2005, 01:15 AM
I tend to think that love itself isn't a choice, although you make choices that may eventually lead to a situation where you fall in love with someone. I think most religious/spiritual people think of love as something that is ordained or destined. I am not one of these people, and therefore tend to think it is more chemistry than anything. Of course, if you think it is a choice to fall in love, is it also a choice to fall out of it? I would imagine that most people would say "NO" to that idea.

El Sitherino
09-29-2005, 07:24 AM
"Love" is biological, not some concious effort.

There's loving someone and then there's wanting to make love to someone (read Lust).

Vladimir-Vlada
09-29-2005, 10:56 AM
Good thing that a teenager didn't ask this question, because I would have to tell them the same story again. :rolleyes:

Anyway, since this is a phsycological topic, and I plan on studying it (as well as Astronomy, Biology and Philosophy with it), so I'll just start:


The anwser is YES... and NO.

You see, love is a emotion. As in most mamals and birds, love for a child is always with them, wheter they liked it or not. The truth is, emotions have been a part of a human being since 300 000 B.C. (when the first Homo Sapiens appeared).

Emotions are acctuely a part of us and they can sometimes act for us and in most cases instead of us. But since we hold the gift of WILL we can choose wheter to follow our emotions, or do something else, depenidng on our decision. However, even if you aren't interested in following the emotion of attraction for example, it will still be there. Or perhaps the emotion of love, which will at some point exist, and it will either be revealed or stay within us as a nusance at some point, or we won't notice it at all.

So, love is both a matter of decision and the human being itself, it is a part of who and what we are. And yet again, will emotions be inside of us or be revealed by ourselves, or by itself; depends on many factors: Genetic, Opinon-based, Knowledgable, Logical, and so on.

El Sitherino
09-29-2005, 10:59 AM
Good thing that a teenager didn't ask this question, because I would have to tell them the same story again. :rolleyes:

Anyway, since this is a phsycological topic, and I plan on studying it (as well as Astronomy, Biology and Philosophy with it), so I'll just start:


The anwser is YES... and NO.

You see, love is a emotion. As in most mamals and birds, love for a child is always with them, wheter they liked it or not. The truth is, emotions have been a part of a human being since 300 000 B.C. (when the first Homo Sapiens appeared).

Emotions are acctuely a part of us and they can sometimes act for us and in most cases instead of us. But since we hold the gift of WILL we can choose wheter to follow our emotions, or do something else, depenidng on our decision. However, even if you aren't interested in following the emotion of attraction for example, it will still be there. Or perhaps the emotion of love, which will at some point exist, and it will either be revealed or stay within us as a nusance at some point, or we won't notice it at all.

So, love is both a matter of decision and the human being itself, it is a part of who and what we are. And yet again, will emotions be inside of us or be revealed by ourselves, or by itself; depends on many factors: Genetic, Opinon-based, Knowledgable, Logical, and so on.

All you talked about was acting on our emotion. Decision to show it, nothing in what you said gave any reason to believe that love in itself is a choice anymore than we choose to be overcome with some other complex emotion. If anything if further showed there is no concious effort in the matter. In the end **** happens and we can't do anything about it's existence, we can merely choose to accept that it's there or ignore it.

RevanA4
09-29-2005, 11:20 AM
OK I'm shocked at the amount of people who think Loving someone is a choice it isn't

now granted you can make decisions that put yourself in a position to fall in love but that actual act of falling in love is a natural one you don't choose it it just happens and there is no rhyme or reason to people falling in love it just happens whether you realize it or not

ET Warrior
09-29-2005, 11:33 AM
OK I'm shocked you made a poll if you didn't expect anything but no's.

Seriously, it all depends on your point of view. I believe it is your choices that lead you to it, and therefore it was your decision to do it. If I didn't want to fall in love it would be easy enough, so there must be some manner of decision to it.

MdKnightR
09-29-2005, 11:47 AM
According to the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy....On the topic of Love, avoid at all costs. :)

Prime
09-29-2005, 01:54 PM
I find it hilarious that there is a thread where people think they have "what is love?" figured out in the same forum where a whole bunch of people are asking "how do I get a girlfriend?"

:)

El Sitherino
09-29-2005, 02:08 PM
OIf I didn't want to fall in love it would be easy enough, so there must be some manner of decision to it.
Well you don't want to be sad, so you avoid getting yourself into situations where that would happen. But... it still happens, against your will. Unless you're a sociopath that is.

I find it hilarious that there is a thread where people think they have "what is love?" figured out in the same forum where a whole bunch of people are asking "how do I get a girlfriend?"

:)
Irony is delicious.

RevanA4
09-29-2005, 03:08 PM
OK I'm shocked you made a poll if you didn't expect anything but no's.

Seriously, it all depends on your point of view. I believe it is your choices that lead you to it, and therefore it was your decision to do it. If I didn't want to fall in love it would be easy enough, so there must be some manner of decision to it.


I expected some yes's but not as much or more than no's

@ prime this poll came about as a result of a defferent poll that a local radio station was doing about can you turn off you feeling which some lady said that "yes you can cuz love is a decision after all"

which they did this poll today but I didn't listen to it

Vladimir-Vlada
09-29-2005, 03:10 PM
All you talked about was acting on our emotion. Decision to show it, nothing in what you said gave any reason to believe that love in itself is a choice anymore than we choose to be overcome with some other complex emotion. If anything if further showed there is no concious effort in the matter. In the end **** happens and we can't do anything about it's existence, we can merely choose to accept that it's there or ignore it.
:indif: That's what I was trying to point out.

Plus, I'm trying my best... :(

Vladimir-Vlada
09-29-2005, 03:13 PM
According to the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy....On the topic of Love, avoid at all costs.
And according to the laws of greatness, that is correct. :D

CrudeMatter
09-29-2005, 05:30 PM
"Good" is as good as it gets in your mind. That is to say, the greater your vision of exactly what "love" means, the greater it can be in your experience.
To look at a history of the conceptualization of "love", its a loaded term. I personally appreciate the ancient Greek take on it all. They had different words for the commonly accepted types of love... Phileos (brotherly love), Eros (erotic love), Agape, etc. To later christians the idea of an unconditional love was synonymized with God. How big is "love" in your mind? I assume that you are referring mostly to the spousal, dating, modern relationship sort of love, which actually serves to minimize and dilute the whole of the concept. Love in the sense you are referring is a very reactive thing that stems from an unidealized self-knowledge, and a lack of a commitment to ensuring that it is something greater than a reaction in your experience. Biological responses to stimuli are not love, though many people would care to leave it as such intellectually. Anything past 'horny' is going to take some commitment and genuine thought without agenda. Love is a choice, a set of behaviors... the way you choose to be... unless you're one of those people who resists knowing yourself more deeply. In which case you'll probably flop from 'love' to 'love' seeing only glimpses of what it really is. You can love anyone... nay everyone... as much as that may seem to deprive the idea of 'romance'. ...but then what exactly is that? lol If you can't truly love anyone, what chance is there to ideally love someone? Not to grasp the greatest possible meaning of love ensures that the love one would give is a lesser sort... a shadow... a dim reflection. There is a certain writing that speaks of love by saying "...And now I will show you the most excellent Way..." It goes on to describe 'love' as a set of idealized behaviors that few could debate, regardless of what 'type' of love they were referring to. To truly love, in its grandest sense, is a discipline few acheive. Not just a choice, mind you, nor a reaction... but a discipline. To 'turn off' love is another term for denial... to fail to examine love is negligence. The idea of turning off something that was neglected in the first place is a moot point, it has already failed of it's own accord. Try to look within(and without) and articulate the most ideal definition of love you can, then go for it... few will have any better advice.

to the hitchikers guide and other bitter mindsets... "A cynic is an Idealist with a broken heart." I know you, because I am one. love anyway.

--- leaves his 2 cents on the table ---
kinda deep for a SW forum. = )

Renegade Angel
09-29-2005, 07:45 PM
Its not a descision, it just.... happens. Sometimes you don't choose to like someone, it just happens. Take my girlfriend. I knew her for only 3 years at school, and I didn't ever want to like mmy good friends, but it just happened, one day I realized I liked her, it wasn't my descision, once again, it just happened.

Rogue15
09-29-2005, 09:03 PM
you can choose not to love someone. or would that be lying to yourself?

RevanA4
09-29-2005, 09:09 PM
you can choose not to love someone. or would that be lying to yourself?

well simply put you don't make a choice to love someone you make choices that lead you to feel that way but love is natural not a choice no matter how you look at it

It just happens

and you can say you don't love someone but you still do unless you make an effort to distance youself from them

Hallucination
09-29-2005, 09:17 PM
If your on a river (in a boat) , you can guide yourself while you got down it, but you can't make the river go whichever direction you want it to. I hink that love is the same.

CrudeMatter
09-30-2005, 01:39 AM
ok before ya go :eek: he is at it again this isn't what ya think

I was listening to the radio this morning and someone said something that floored me they said that love was a decision I just wanna see how many of ya agree or dissagree and why and plz if you vote tell why you voted how you did

thanks

Revan the great


edit: I said no because you don't just decide you are going to love someone it just happens and sometimes you are clueless as to why you are in love with someone


A few questions, if I may
Why did it 'floor' you to hear someone say that love was a decision?
Why do you want to hear others' opinions on the matter?
...and... Do you 'love' your mother?

RevanA4
09-30-2005, 01:55 AM
A few questions, if I may
Why did it 'floor' you to hear someone say that love was a decision?
Why do you want to hear others' opinions on the matter?
...and... Do you 'love' your mother?

what heck kind of questions are those

and READ MY POSTS FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and why not see what people thought that radio station did the same thing today?

CrudeMatter
09-30-2005, 04:18 AM
what heck kind of questions are those

and READ MY POSTS FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and why not see what people thought that radio station did the same thing today?

lolol what the heck kind of answers are those lolol
-they were pointed questions, btw-

I did read your posts... you're not infinitely articulate... just repetetive.
Read my posts

I asked you because you posted the thread. I'm sorry, were my questions too philosophically challenging? >= ) I didn't mean to offend. I was genuinely trying to understand your position more deeply... were you reciprocating?

MdKnightR
09-30-2005, 02:28 PM
A slightly off topic topic...CrudeMatter, you are new to this forum, but it is obvious that you are well versed and articulate. You wouldn't happen to be a teacher would you?

CrudeMatter
09-30-2005, 02:37 PM
A slightly off topic topic...CrudeMatter, you are new to this forum, but it is obvious that you are well versed and articulate. You wouldn't happen to be a teacher would you?

I do my best, and thank you for noticing... but no sir I'm not. At least not in any traditional sense. Just like the profile says... noob nobody. Why do you ask? Is there something you think I could be of service with?

ET Warrior
09-30-2005, 04:45 PM
He probably just wants to know because he is a teacher, and probably wants to start a group of old teachers who can bitch about us young whipper-snappers ^_^

RevanA4
09-30-2005, 05:21 PM
lolol what the heck kind of answers are those lolol
-they were pointed questions, btw-

I did read your posts... you're not infinitely articulate... just repetetive.
Read my posts

I asked you because you posted the thread. I'm sorry, were my questions too philosophically challenging? >= ) I didn't mean to offend. I was genuinely trying to understand your position more deeply... were you reciprocating?


no I have a hard time experessing what i think in writing and there was no offence you sounded like freud but I truely think that love just happens with out us knowing it and the reason the answer floored me is that I've always felt that we can't choose to love some one

RedHawke
10-01-2005, 02:07 AM
no offence you sounded like froyd
Revan, his last name is spelled Freud... :xp:

RevanA4
10-01-2005, 02:39 AM
Revan, his last name is spelled Freud... :xp:

ah zip it grampa :xp:

and there I fixed it

RedHawke
10-01-2005, 03:02 AM
ah zip it grampa :xp:
:eyeraise: Grampa? Harumph!

*Grabs Hatchet and chases Revan around thread...*
:hatchrun:

:xp:

MdKnightR
10-01-2005, 04:01 AM
He probably just wants to know because he is a teacher, and probably wants to start a group of old teachers who can bitch about us young whipper-snappers ^_^

I don't need to find other teachers to do that ;). Besides, it is very refreshing to see someone in here who has a mind for philosophy, a good vocabulary, and spelling skills all rolled up into one.

ET Warrior
10-01-2005, 01:44 PM
Well if that's all you want you should look no further than ET. I'm probably the most philosophical vocabulistic spelling machine to ever grace the internet.

;)

MdKnightR
10-01-2005, 01:51 PM
Well if that's all you want you should look no further than ET. I'm probably the most philosophical vocabulistic spelling machine to ever grace the internet.

;)

You're good, but I think that CrudeMatter has you beat. But that is just my opinion.

ET Warrior
10-01-2005, 01:54 PM
Oh, I dont doubt it, I just like acting arrogant and self-centered.

CrudeMatter
10-01-2005, 02:51 PM
Oh, I dont doubt it, I just like acting arrogant and self-centered.

don't give up, dude...
"Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser." - Don Schula
Your ego tries to show you how great you could be...not how great you are. No need to excuse it, just use it properly.
Be a bibliophile. Its one of the most valuable things anyone can do.

it is very refreshing to see someone in here who has a mind for philosophy, a good vocabulary, and spelling skills all rolled up into one.

Yes, it is. It takes one to know one. Thank you sir.

no I have a hard time experessing what i think in writing and there was no offence you sounded like freud but I truely think that love just happens with out us knowing it and the reason the answer floored me is that I've always felt that we can't choose to love some one
Noone does until they've done it a few times, and been challenged on it, then revised it a few times, etc. Also, see my advice to ET, be a bibliophile. Other peoples written expression helps you articulate/refine your own, by what you appreciate or not, and especially by what challenges you, or pokes at your ego.
I'm not sure how I take being compared to Freud, but ok. lol
Your feelings on something that you are analyzing for the first time are unarticulated. Intellectually, you haven't challenged the idea in your own mind, you've only resisted it. You won't be able to gain much from anyone else's words until you do... I was trying to help you acheive that. I had no agenda, and I have no interest in 'forcing' anyone to agree with me... I was trying to be a responsive sounding board, and I am still perfectly willing to indulge you.

El Sitherino
10-01-2005, 02:54 PM
Or you can do a lot of drugs and make up words.

RevanA4
10-01-2005, 11:30 PM
WTF back on topic plz

MdKnightR
10-02-2005, 02:19 AM
WTF back on topic plz

Yes, please! We don't want Revan to lay on the floor and kick and punch the floor in a tantrum. :xp: