View Full Version : [Fic] Got bored started writing some fanfiction

10-22-2005, 08:01 PM
Hasn't got a title yet and needs alot of work *my first story* and isnt finished

but here's the first part anyway... yeah i know its crap :D

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away ...

It is 498 years before the battle of yavin
the old republic is prosperous and the jedi numerous
there hasn't been a galatic war in almost 500 years
but recently a group of pirates have been raiding supply ships
on their way to the jedi academy on Dantooine.

The jedi council hopeing to put a stop to the raids
Have sent the Twi'lek Jedi knight Ang'vok
and her young human padawan Tom'as Onipe to investigate.....


The explosions pound on the side of the CR60 Corellian corvettes hull, fire bursts from consoles around the ships cockpit
the two jedi frantically pull and push at the controls hopeing for something to help.

"How did they know we were here! we've only just come out fo hyperspace" shouted Tom'as over the noises of battle
"im not sure my padawan i think they might have been tracking us ever since we left coruscant" Ang'vok said calmly as if nothing was happening
"but how? unless they have someone working at the coruscant flight center monitoring all leaving ships"
"well that is a possibility we'll have to check if we ever manage to surivive this encounter, padawan go man a turret and take down those fighters before they pierce the hull"
"Ok master"

Tom'as ran down the gleaming white corridors of the ship and jumped into the seat of the turret, the guns spun round firing bolts of green light at the attacking fighters.

"there must be at least thirty of them out there im not sure we'll be able to take them all out" screamed Tom'as over the wail of blaster fire
"im afraid we might have lost this battle young one" shouted back Ang'vok "i'll try and find somewhere to land"
"ok master".

The pirates leader Blabe a vile brown trandoshan stands on the deck of his assault frigate smiling to himself his yellow fangs rotted next to him stands his second in command Johsi a smaller trandoshan with two huge ridges running down the back of his head.

"Seems there isnt any cargo on that corvette sir and there is only two life signs showing on the scanners"hissed Johsi
"Jedi im sure of it!"Blabe spat"take out their engines and board the ship tonight we feast on jedi flesh"
"ok sir, All ships attack the engines we want the jedi alive" Johsi barked into his commlink
"Seems the jedi have taken an interest in our activities"

As if piloted by droids the fighters turned all attention to the ships engines it was'nt long before they were down
"prepare to be boarded padawan they've disabled our engines!" Ang'vok said
"so i guess its good old hand to hand combat they're after!" smiled Tom'as
"we'll never survive the fight our best bet is to fight our way to the escape pods" Ang'vok grabbed Tom'as arm and started to drag him towards the nearest turbolift
"master im sure together we can take them down"
"no padawan! we must make sure we get back to coruscant where we can investigate this matter futher and warn the council about the possible spy"said Ang'vok sternly
"ok master if you insist"sighed Tom'as

The loud clacking sound of the docking tube connecting to the corvette rang through the corridors
"Blast the doors open!" shouted Blabe

Swarms of trandoshan pirates burst through the opening just as the two jedi stepped out of the turbo lift, both parties stared directly at each other for a few seconds then a blaster bolt scraped Tom'as's shoulder

"Damn lizards!" Tom'as shouted he reached out with the force and from his side his lightsaber flew into his hand and ignited
"padawan get to the pods i'll keep them back"Ang'vok swiftly removed her lightsaber from its clip and held it in front of her blocking in coming fire
"no master i wont leave you"
"do it!!" shouted ang'vok

Tom'as turned and ran as fast as he could towards the escape pods hatch he looked back to see his master pounced on by twenty trandoshans fist pummeling her, the last thing Tom'as saw before closing the hatch was his masters bloodied lekku sticking out from underneath the mass of trandoshans

"dont let the other jedi escape" Blabe said slapping Johsi around the back of the head
"Ok sir, all fighters destroy the escape pod!" Johsi

The pod hurtled into the darkness inside Tom'as quietly meditated hopeing to use the force to guide the pod to safety
Then as the trandoshans came in for a final attack run the pod exploded and there was nothing

"Sir the pod has been destroyed"johsi hissed to Blabe
"Good take the twi'lek jedi to the kitchens and prepare for a victory meal" Blabe said licking his Lips


Tom'as awoke sand filled his mouth and stuck to his hair and beard it had been three weeks since the attack on the corvette Tom'as had barely survived but thankfully trandoshans are quite weakminded beasts and were easily manipulated by the force into seeing what he willed, The pod lay a few miles away he had managed drag himself away after the emergancy food and water had run out, he looked around all he could see was sand but he could feel the dark side all around him

"Come padawan" a voice reached out calling Tom'as ...

And thats it so far um yeah sorry its not any good *its pretty late here and im tired* and hope you enjoyed what i have so far im gonna write somemore tommorrow and fix any mistakes and such so um yeah :) all critique is welcome !

11-09-2005, 07:45 PM
Good story, but a little on the confusing side. Remember periods and commas are you friend.

11-20-2008, 01:42 PM