View Full Version : [Fic] [FIC]Return of the Exile

11-04-2005, 02:15 AM
I'm not sure if anyone has heard, but I'm re-writing this story. This was the first fanfic I ever wrote--ever--and while I do like it, I was in 7th grade, and the grammar is a little amatuer. So now that I've got some expeirence under my belt, I decided to make this story more...complete. I just want to tie up some loose ends, make the story less choppy. I'm not sure when I'll complete this renovation, but I'm going to keep doing it. I hope you like it. More to come, for sure :)


Thomas knew he probably shouldn’t, but he felt it necessary to at least have one more glass of juma juice. He was in a cantina with Bao-Dur, Mira, Brianna, Visas, and Atton. T3 and HK had gone off to get oil baths, and the Ebon Hawk crew had decided to have some drinks in a local cantina.
Thomas had already had three drinks, and was starting to feel something of a buzz, but he needed to let loose, and so he asked the bartender for another refill. “Hey buddy,” the bartender whispered, “maybe you should stop after this one. No offense, but you don’t look like a heavy drinker.”
Thomas, who after taking another sip, had started to feel drunk, took major offense to this. “I—I don’t k-know what you’re talking about. I-I can d-drink like anyone else. I’ve w-won competitions for my drinking skills,” he said, slurring some words.
“He’s right, Thomas,” Brianna said. “You’re not one that is very drug-resistant.”
Thomas finished his juma juice. He had a glazed over look in his eyes. “You’re really pretty, Brianna.” He smiled. “You know, I’ve always wanted to take you on a date. I l-love”—he hiccupped—“y-y-yo—” Thomas passed out, and fell to the floor with a thud.
They all stared at Thomas for a few seconds, before looking at each other. Then they burst out laughing.
“The savior of the galaxy—passed out from some juma juice,” Atton said between chuckles.

“WAKE UP!” Mira roared at Thomas, and kicked him several times in his ribs.
Thomas groaned. He opened his eyes, and it took him a few moments to see where he was. He was lying on the floor of the Ebon Hawk, in the same clothes he wore last night, and he had a pounding headache.
He stood up, and almost stumbled back on the floor again. “Where are we?” Thomas asked Mira, groggily.
“How long have I been out?”
Mira scratched her chin. “Hmmm…I’d say, roughly, fourteen hours. Maybe fifteen.”
“From one glass of juma juice?!”
Mira laughed. “Excuse me, but that one turned to three, which turned to be three and a half before you passed out. You’re not exactly a heavy drinker.”
“Ugh…well, thanks for waking me. Though you could have been more gentle, don’t ya think?”
“Well, you wouldn’t awake to: ‘Thomas, Thomas,’ and my gentle shakings. Nor would you awake to: ‘Get the hell up you lousy excuse for a Jedi,’ and my gen— well, they weren’t gentle shakings after that. So, I had to resort to drastic measures.”
Thomas shook his head, trying to clear the fuzziness. “Well, whatever. Go…do whatever.”
As she walked away, Thomas started to mutter, “Crazy bit—” before she yelled, “I can still hear you!!”
Thomas walked into his dormitory. There, he sat down on his bed, and held his head in his hands. What all had he said, he wondered. He remembered talking to Brianna, but couldn’t remember what he said. He just hoped that whatever he said hadn’t been too bad or revealing.
Sighing, Thomas stood up and walked over to one of the compartments. He opened it, and pulled out a pack of pills. Chazer Plus read the label. He popped one out, and swallowed it.
He cracked his knuckles, and walked into the cockpit.
Atton was in there, a hat rested over his eyes. “What do you want Thomas?” he asked.
“How ya doing Atton?” Thomas asked.
“Not to good.”
Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”
“We’re on Dantooine.”
“Point being?”
“I don’t like it here.”
“Why’s that?”
“Lectures. Training. Lectures. Training. All not fun.”
“Hey, you signed up to be a Jedi.”
“Obviously I didn’t read the fine print.”
“Whose fault is that?”
Brianna walked in. “How ya guys doing?” she asked.
Atton and I said at the same time, “Crappy.”
Brianna laughed. “Great. Thomas can I talk to you in my dormitory after your guys’ lovely chat is done?”
“Sure I’ll be in there in a few.”
She winked at me, and walked away.
Atton looked at her as she walked away and when she was out of hearing range, he whispered, “I think she’s got a crush on you.”
Thomas looked at Atton and snorted. “Yeah, whatever. Back to you. I think you need to practice on your lightsaber skills some more. And, for that matter, why don’t you build your own lightsaber?”
“Hey, Mr. Hypocrite, how’s yours working?”
Thomas pulled out his, and pressed the ignition button. Sparks flew from it, and it made a whirling noise, but no blade came out.
Thomas put it back on his belt, and stretched. He yawned. “Who’d have thought that after fifteen hours, I’d still be tired?”
“Yeah, yeah. Leave me alone to nap—er, I mean practice my lightsaber skills.”
Thomas walked away, and looked back after a few steps. Atton had already put his hat back over his eyes and was trying to sleep again. “WAKE UP!” Thomas yelled.
“GO TALK TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND!” Atton yelled back as Thomas walked away.
Thomas walked into Brianna’s dormitory. She was lying on her bed, with her eyes closed.
“Why is everyone tired?” Thomas whispered to himself.
“’Cause we saved the galaxy two weeks ago,” Brianna said, her eyes still closed.
“That might be it.” Thomas sat down on the side of the bed. “You wanted to see me?”
Brianna sat up. She ran a hand down her face, and blinked hard a few times. “Yeah. Listen, I was wondering if you could show me around Dantooine? I’ve never been here before. Well, I’ve been here, but I was always in the Ebon Hawk—you always took Atton and Bao-Dur with you for your adventures. Or, with a Sith.”
“She wasn’t a Sith, I don’t think,” Thomas said quickly. He was surprised at his own defense for Kreia.
Brianna looked at Thomas, surprised, but continued as if she hadn’t been interrupted. “I’ve never had a grand tour of the place, and I was wondering if you could do the honors?”
Thomas smiled. “A date it is.”
“Its n—” Brianna began to protest, but stopped. It was a date.
Thomas got up and kissed her forehead. “Sleep. You look exhausted.” He sighed, and put on his best fake smile. “I’ve got to go get reinstated to the Order.”
She giggled. “Have fun.”
“Bye.” After Thomas left, she laid down on the bed again. She closed her eyes and smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

11-05-2005, 01:14 AM
Ah, another chapter. The story is slowly, but surely, being completed (again). I hope you like this :) If not, then don't read it. Enjoy.

Chapter 2

Thomas walked out of the Ebon Hawk a few minutes later. He squinted as the light hit his face.
His headache had been reduced to a dull throbbing, and he walked towards the Khoonda’s administration office. He thought back on the time he had defended it, killing the bastards trying to over throw it.
And he thought of Vrook being the perpetual butt hole he always had been. “You defended it well, but if it hadn’t been for me, Khoonda would have fallen,” Vrook had said boldly. Prick.
He stepped into the building and the air conditioned room gave him a much needed sanctuary from the heat of the outsides.
They had decided to use this building for their impromptu Jedi Council, while the Enclave was still being repaired.
The Council had somehow expanded some of the rooms, and they were used as the Councils chambers.
Thomas walked over to one with a closed door. “Should he be reinstated?” asked a voice.
“No. He defied our orders and turned to the Dark side, purposefully defying our orders.”
“Valid point Vrook, but he never went over to the Dark side, and he saved the galaxy.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t talk so loud.”
“Why not?”
“Because Thomas is standing right outside our door.”
As soon as the sentence was finished, the door opened. Thomas stepped inside.
“Well, I’m sure you heard what we said,” Master Kavar said. They were all sitting in a circle: Kavar, Vrook, Vandar, Zez-Kai Ell, and Dorak.
“Uhh…yeah, I was just walking in—”
“And you felt the need to spy on us?” Vrook asked.
“Now, Vrook, there’s no need to get personal. Curiosity is human’s natural way to knowledge,” Vandar piped in.
“Okay, well, I would like to be reinstated.” Thomas had prepared a persuasive speech. “You see, I was the one—”
“Alright, you can be a Knight again,” Kavar said, cutting Thomas off.
Thomas and Vrook looked surprised. “Really?” asked Thomas eagerly.
“We did not agree on this,” Vrook seethed.
“Well, tough ****. If you don’t like it, you can stop being a Jedi yourself,” Dorak said, with a smile that betrayed his words.
Thomas chuckled. “Alright, I’ve got a lightsaber to build. I’m gonna go build it.” He teetered on his heels. “So…bye.”
He began to walk away, when Kavar stopped him. “And Thomas, one more thing.”
“Yes?” Thomas asked, turning around.
“Don’t screw up again.”
Thomas winked. “No worries.”

Thomas walked to the workbench. One of the new padawans—there were about fifteen that had been recruited since Kriea’s demise two weeks ago—was sitting there, tinkering with something.
Thomas told him that he, as a Knight, had superiority and kicked the padawan as he walked away.
He sat at the workbench, and began the long process.
After several hours, he was finished. He stood up, stretched, and ignited the blade. The blue meter of energy hummed.
Thomas smiled at it. He loved the satisfaction he got after he completed a lightsaber.
Thomas glanced outside through the windows. The sun, while still shining bright, was beginning to fall beneath the horizon.
He remembered his date with Brianna and began walking back to the Ebon Hawk.

He to Brianna’s dormitory. She had her door closed, and he knocked. “Brianna are you almost ready?”
“Yeah just give me five minutes.”
“Probably more like twenty,” Thomas muttered as he walked away.
He was walking to his dormitory when Mira stopped him.
“Hey Thomas, I’ve got something to say,” she said.
“Sure what’s up?”
“I’m thinking of leaving the Ebon Hawk. For good.”
Thomas looked at her curiously. “Why?”
“It’s just that I’m a Jedi now. And I think that I should be out there doing something more important for the galaxy. It’s not that I don’t like you guys; I love everyone on the crew.
“But, I want to do what Bao-Dur did. Leave and go do something meaningful. I find that I’m getting restless. I can feel people asking for my help.”
Thomas smiled. “Mira, I can only hope that you help as many people as you can.”
“I will. I think that I’ll find some ship that can take me somewhere. Anywhere, just someplace where I can help people. I’ve already talked to over with the Masters, and they’re fine with it.”
Thomas gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “If I ever need your help, I’ll call on you.”
“I’ll be waiting.” She walked down the ramp and waved good-bye.
Thomas walked into his dormitory and put on his best set of robes. He tossed his lightsaber on his bed, and looked at himself in the mirror. He had a five o’clock shadow, but he was too lazy to shave it.
He walked over to Brianna’s room, and knocked on the door. “Ready?” he asked.
“Yeah, hold on.” He heard some shuffling, and then the door opened. She was dressed in a set of white robes.
He looked at her surprised. “You look nice.”
“Thanks. You too. Though that beard, or lack there of, doesn’t really flatter you.”
“Too lazy to shave it.”
“Whatever. C’mon let’s go.”

John Skywalker
11-05-2005, 06:41 AM
interesting keep it up(check out adventure of john skywalker)

11-05-2005, 08:10 AM
Pretty cool so far. You may want to put in a bit more detail, though. Just a suggestion. I mean, when Briana and Tom kissed...uh...they're Jedi, so shouldn't they be at least a little reluctant? Ah, whatever. Other than that, its pretty good, so keep it up.

11-06-2005, 10:49 PM
Pretty cool so far. You may want to put in a bit more detail, though. Just a suggestion. I mean, when Briana and Tom kissed...uh...they're Jedi, so shouldn't they be at least a little reluctant? Ah, whatever. Other than that, its pretty good, so keep it up.

What can stand in the way of love? :) Yeah, I was gonna put the kiss in later, but I wanted to start off with a big bang! and plus I had just finished reading your chapters on Bastila and Revan kissing...(I'm serious thats where I got the idea ^^)

EDIT: And c'mon, I don't get any credit for throwing Atton in there seeing Darth Nihilus and Visas? That was brilliant cool on my part :) Thanks for the support though :D The next chapter should be up in the week sometime (probably monday/tuesday)

11-07-2005, 10:36 PM
I decided to take out the kissing part. Save for another part :)

11-08-2005, 02:24 AM
Here is something I threw together in a few minutes, but I hope you like it :D

Chapter 3

Visas said nothing.
“You were the most beautiful of them all,” said Atton softly.
“Don’t say that, we are Jedi; we can’t love,” Visas replied.
“But you’re too beautiful for me not to like.”
“Atton, I cannot like you. It’s against both of our beliefs.”
“But look at Brianna and Thomas.”
Visas could say nothing to this. She was heartbroken. She liked Atton very much, and was even wondering if she was starting to love him.
Atton couldn’t read Visas’ expression. He too was heartbroken because he wasn’t sure how much Visas liked him back. He had grown up in the bad part of the worst planet. He had taught himself never to trust, or get to close to, anybody but himself. But when he was around Visas, it made his heart jump, and it made him so happy. At first, he told himself it was just the prospect of having another woman on-board. But, he found that he was just kidding himself.

Thomas couldn’t help but like Brianna. She was pretty and smart. She also knew Atris, and they both could joke about her. It was like his first day at the Enclave with her: Exciting and unpredictable.
Brianna couldn’t help but like Thomas. He was so handsome, funny, happy-go-lucky, but had a serious side that came out only when he was really angry. She had seen it once, when he was fighting Kreia. If she ever saw that glint in his eyes again, she would be scared for herself, though she knew that Thomas would never hurt her. The only reason she was hesitant toward him is his death. Thomas was not one that could sit down and live a quiet life. He needed a life. He needed an adventure. But no matter where he went, she would be there if he wanted her to be.

6 monthes later

"Hey, Atton," said Thomas.
"Yes, master?" replied Atton.
"I have a surprise for you. Follow me."
As the walked into the cockpit, Atton noticed all the crew of the Ebon Hawk, and Jedi Master Kavar, Vandar, Zez-Kai Ell, and Vrook.
"Whats going on?" asked Atton curiously.
"I want you to have this. It served me well, and I know that it will serve you well," said Thomas as he handed Atton a caser that was about 10 inches long and 5 inches wide.
Atton opened the case and said, "No........Thomas I can't take this...."
Inside of that case was Thomas' lightsaber that he had thrust into the Jedi Council statue.
"But, wait.........does that mean what I think it means?" asked Atton eagerly.
Beaming, Thomas said, "Yup!!!! You're a Jedi knight!!!!!!!!"

11-11-2005, 01:05 PM
Added a little part.

11-11-2005, 01:26 PM
Thats cool! and you say your not good?
*makes and appointment with the psychologist on your behalf*
5:30 PM tomorrow, dude. :D
though, the spelling id DANTOOINE, not datooine.

John Skywalker
11-11-2005, 03:20 PM
jedi knight your really good i like this story keep it coming up

11-11-2005, 04:22 PM
*blushes* I'm touched, I mean it :D

@RC Thanks for the appointment, I need one :) And, I didn't know how to spell it and it was like 3 in the morning, so I was lost. :)
@JS Thank you (I like your story too :))

11-11-2005, 04:37 PM
You're good. I mean REALLY good. :D

11-11-2005, 09:25 PM
Heres a little bit more, I'll be adding soon:

After a few days, the celebrating died down. And finally, Atton knew it was time. He went to Visas’ room, and without even saying anything, she nodded and followed him into Thomas’ room.
“Thomas we need to talk,” said Atton.
“What about?” replied Thomas curiously.
“Atton and I are leaving,” said Visas.
“We know you have felt it, as we have as well,” said Atton
Thomas said nothing. He had noticed a dark side force sweeping over the Outer Rims. He had hoped that they wouldn’t notice it.
“We both think that it might be Darth Nihilus,” said Atton.
“But we destroyed him, how could it be him?” asked Thomas.
“I can feel him. He was my former master, I know his feeling the best,” replied Visas.
Thomas mulled this over for a few minutes then said, “I cannot do anything to stop, nor would I. It’s your decision and if you wish to leave, then do so. I let you leave with a heavy heart, but it’s your decision.”
“There is only one inconvenience, we have no ship,” said Atton.
Smiling in spite of himself, Thomas said, “That’s one thing that I can help you in. I was saving this ship incase of emergency, but it will suit you better. It’s hidden on the world of Tatoonie. We shall go there in two days.”
Thomas walked into Brianna’s room and told him all that had been said. Brianna said nothing the whole time, nor had she shown any emotion during it. After Thomas finished, however, he noticed that Brianna had tears in her eyes. Thomas gave her a hug, and kissed her forehead, “Don’t worry, they’ll be ok.”
That night, Thomas had a bad nightmare.
He was walking down a hallway. At the end, were two passageways, one to the east, and one to the west. Thomas knew that the west passage was the right one. He thought that it would never end. He started to run until he finally found the end. There was a door. Just a door. He entered the room. Inside, he saw a big screen. On that screen, he saw Visas and Atton fighting someone…something. They both had their blue blades flashing, but the mysterious thing was faster. Its red blade cut down Atton. Visas hadn’t noticed. He wanted to scream to Visas, tell her anything. “He’s too fast, you can’t win!!!” he cried. But she didn’t hear. She kept moving her blade. Thomas knew the fight would end soon, and that Visas would be killed. He ran towards the thing, and as he ignited his blade, he suddenly became the thing. He didn’t even know that he was moving his blade. Finally the thing, him, faked left, and flew his blade right. Visas was caught off guard, and gave a look of surprise, as the blade killed her.
Thomas awoke with a start. Looking around wildly, he noticed that he was still in his dormitory on the Ebon Hawk.
It was just a dream, he thought to himself.
Brianna, who had awoken from his sudden uprising, asked worriedly, “Thomas, is something wrong?”
“In the morning, now is not the time.”
That morning, Thomas told Brianna his dream. Brianna looked worried and said, “You should tell one of the Jedi Masters.”
Thomas agreed. A few minutes later, he started told to Zez-Kai Ell about his dream.
“I suppose it could be a premonition, or it could be from the sadness of Visas and Atton leaving.”
“Master, I’m scared for them. They are my best friends, and I wish no harm to come to them.”
“Remember, death is a part of life. Do not fear it, embrace it.”
Not feeling at peace like he had hoped, Thomas thanked Zez-Kai and left. As he walked back to the ship, Brianna caught up with him and asked how it went.
“All Zez-Kai did was tell me that I shouldn’t fear death.”
“So, it went expectantly.”
They entered the Ebon Hawk, and Brianna told Visas and Atton that they were going to leave in a few minutes.
After the ship entered hyperdrive, Thomas went into the room that Visas and Atton shared and said, “It’s going to be a few days until we get there. What planet are you guys going to go to first?”
“We’re actually going to be staying at Tatoonie for a week to see if that’s where whoever it is that were looking for is hiding.”
“I’d offer to stay, as Brianna and I have no place to go, but I know that this is something that you must do on your own.”
A few days later, they touched down.
“It’s in there,” said Thomas, pointing towards a garage. “Oh, yes, the ship has no name, and I leave it to you.”
“Thank you,” replied Atton.
Shaking Atton’s hand Thomas said, “You look after yourself. I’m not going to be there backing you up.”
Smiling Atton said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got Visas.”
Thomas gave Visas a hug and said, “Help Atton out. He needs it. If you ever need anything, we’ll probably be at the Enclave, so don’t hesitate to come.”

Visas and Atton walked towards the garage.
“What do you think that we should name it?” asked Visas.
“I want you to name it,” said Atton softly.
Even though it seemed like such a small gesture, Visas knew it was something bigger than that.
“Thank you…it shall be named….The Flagship."

11-11-2005, 09:29 PM
Nice work, excellente! :thumbsup: Keep it up.

11-11-2005, 09:31 PM
Thank you :D

John Skywalker
11-11-2005, 10:41 PM
Jedi knight your story is SO COOL im stumped on whats going to happen to Visas and Atton but i dont want her to die. I cant wait untill your next update:)

11-11-2005, 10:45 PM
Jedi knight your story is SO COOL im stumped on whats going to happen to Visas and Atton but i dont want her to die. I cant wait untill your next update:)

Visas/Atton left becuase they needed to investigate something, and Thomas had a dream :) Update should be in the next few hours

John Skywalker
11-11-2005, 10:47 PM
cool i cant wait

11-12-2005, 02:43 AM
Added a small part. Hope you like it :) I can't think of a name for the ship, but I should have one in a few minutes.

John Skywalker
11-12-2005, 06:33 AM
i like the way thomas speaks with zez-kai it reminds me when anakin speaks to yoda in revenge of the sith about his dream of padme dieing:) cant wait for your next chapter

11-12-2005, 12:06 PM
Thats where I got the idea :D

11-15-2005, 02:46 AM
Just put in the name of the ship. Kinda cheezy, but the best I could think of. Heres part of the next chapter, I should have some more soon:

Chapter 3

3 days since Visas/Atton arrived on Tattoonie

“Visas, call this a ‘hunch’, but whoever or whatever were looking for isn’t here.”
“Perhaps not, but the force brought us here for some reason, that I’m sure of.”
All of the sudden, Visas felt the force nudge her. She pushed Atton away just in time. From the top of a building they were walking past, a person had jumped off with a red lightsaber flashing.
“WHOA!!!!! That was close. Thank you,” said Atton, relieved that he hadn’t just been cut in half.
“Who are you, and why did you just try to cut down Atton?” asked Visas.
“I shall not tell you who I am,” said the thing.
Visas had her guesses, but she kept them to herself.
“If you want to kill Atton, you’re going to have to take me down as well,” said Visas, igniting her blue lightsaber.
“So be it.”
Atton jumped next to Visas, igniting his green lightsaber in mid-air.
“We will be no easy task to bring down,” said Atton, warningly.
“Nor will I.”
He started attacking. He was fast and skilled, but against two Jedi knights, it was going to be tough, he knew it. But he was so sure that he would succeed that he did not notice the glint in their eyes. The fire, the passion, inside them.
Visas and Atton lost themselves into the force. It guided them. It told them when to parry, and when to attack.
Soon, the thing noticed that he could not win the fight. If he kept it up, he would be defeated. Realizing this, he leapt to a platform that had been hovering above.
“This is not the end. I will learn more, and defeat both of you. Unless, of course,” he said, a smirk covering his face, “these guys don’t do it first.”
Activating the platform he flew away.
“What guys?” asked Atton, curiously.
As soon as he said that, 20 mercinaires surrounded them.
“You just had -,” started Visas before Atton cut her off.
“- to say it. Yea, yea, I know. Well, I don’t think that these guys are going to go peaceful, what do you think?”
“These are one of those times when I agree with you.”
Activating their lightsabers they started to block back the blaster fire that came their way seconds later.
Then, after a few minutes of fighting, the worse thing that Atton could have thought of happened. Visas got hit.
“NOOOOO!!!!!!” cried Atton.
He suddenly felt hot anger growing inside him. He yelled out a war-cry and force pushed the few remaining mercenaries into a wall.
He bent down to Visas and checked to make sure she was alive. He could feel a pulse, but she was unconscious. He put her on his back and ran the mile back to the ship to put her in the medbay.
Setting her down on the table, he began to work on the wound. Using the force, he healed the wound, but he couldn’t do anything about the pain. He knew that she probably wouldn’t wake up for a few days.
He checked on her everyday and stayed with her for a few hours. When he wasn’t with her, he was out looking for the person that he and Visas had dueled.
Four days after Visas had been hit, Atton decided to search the other planets, he couldn’t find any trace of that thing. He started preparing the engines, and didn’t notice the person standing in the cockpit door.
“Thanks…,” said the person.
“Visas?” said Atton, looking at the door. “Oh my gosh, you’re awake! Are you feeling okay?”
“I have been better.”
Atton pulled her into a hug. “I’ve been so worried. I did everything that I thought that I could. I didn’t want to lose you.”
Snuggling into his chest, she said, “Don’t worry…were together again.”

“I’m worried about them,” said Brianna.
“Yes, we all are,” replied Thomas kindly.
“I think that we should go after them, help them.”
“No!” a little sharper than he had intended. Softening, he said, “It is a journey that they must take alone. They understand the risk. If we really need to help them, the force will tell us.”
“I guess your right. You always are.”
“Not according to Atris,” said Thomas, smiling.
Pulling Brianna into a hug, Thomas said, “Don’t worry. Remember, they both are Jedi knights. They can look after themselves.”
“But, I do worry.”
“So, do I,” replied Thomas, softly.
“Well, there’s no point fussing about it. I’m bored. Wanna spar?” asked Brianna with a certain threat in her voice.
“I thought that you’d never ask.”
Walking into the Enclave courtyard, they both ignited their lightsabers.
“I’m a little rusty, so go easy on me,” said Brianna, jokingly.
Laughing, Thomas replied, “Sure. I always have to go easy on you. You’re too amateur for me.”
After a quick laugh, they jumped into the fight. Their blue blades were painting a brilliant picture in the dusk. After about twenty minutes, their fellow Jedi started to notice the fight. Not many of them had seen such brilliant sword fighting. They almost looked like they simply weren’t there. The blade would be there, then it would be another place, almost instantly.
“Have you seen such….brilliance?” asked a young padawan, awed.
“If I ever get half as good as Brianna and Thomas, I’ll be happy,” said another, just as awed.
After two hours of fighting, they stopped.
“Whew, you’re getting better, but you’ll never surpass me!” said Thomas, barely winded.
“I was holding back. If I had been on full power, you’d be chopped in half right now.”
“Excuses, excuses.”
The force gave a big push. A desperate push.
“Whoa, did you just feel that?” asked Thomas.
“Yea, I did. What was that?” asked Brianna.
“I don’t know. But it felt like it came from the Outer Rim.”
“You don’t think that it has to do with Visas and Atton do you?” asked Brianna, worriedly.
“Yes, I do. We should leave immediately.”
“Where to?”
“I told you, the force will guide us.”
Sighing, Brianna said, “Yes, you are right. I’m sorry if I sound persistent. I’m just very worried.
“There is no reason to apologize. I feel the same way, but we have to trust that our friends can take care of themselves. The force will tell us if anything seriously bad has happened. I have to get something from my room, get the Ebon Hawk ready.”
As he started to walk to his quarters, somebody yelled, “Thomas! THOMAS!!”
Turning, Thomas saw Vrook coming towards him. “Oh, jeez,” muttered Thomas, under his breath.
“The other Jedi masters may give you permission to leave, but I don’t!,” yelled Vrook.
“Well, that’s too bad, because you’re a padawan!” retorted Thomas. The other Jedi masters had de-ranked Vrook to padawan after they learned what a prick he had been to Thomas.
Fuming, Vrook stormed off.
After the Ebon Hawk had lifted off, Thomas and Brianna went into Thomas’ dormitory. Thomas said, “I want you to clear your mind. You’re going to find where Visas and Atton are.”
“Are you sure?” asked Brianna, nervously.
Chuckling, Thomas replied, “Don’t worry. You’ll do just fine.”
“Now clear your mind. Remember the moment when you felt Atton and Visas’ force nudge. Everything that you need to know, is in that moment. You just have to relive it. Feel it again. Live it again.”
Inhaling deeply, Brianna thought for a minute. “There! I know where they are!”
“Good, go set the hyperdrive for Tatoonie.”
Puzzled, Brianna asked, “How did you know that Tatoonie is where I saw?”
Laughing, Thomas said, “I’m always on top of things. I know all and see all.”
Laughing, Brianna walked into the cockpit and set it for Tatoonie.
“It’s going to be a two day trip,” she said, walking out of the cockpit.
“Might as well as get comfy. Let’s spar again!” he said eagerly.
“Just like old times, eh?”
They then sparred for an hour and a half until they both became tired.
“Whoo. I’m pooped. I’m gonna go to bed,” said Thomas, tiredly.
“Let me go check the cockpit, and then I’ll go to bed too,” replied Brianna.

11-15-2005, 06:59 AM
Nice work! Excellente! Keep it up. :thumbsup:

John Skywalker
11-15-2005, 12:34 PM
good work jedi knight your really cool at writing

11-15-2005, 07:00 PM
:) Thank you :D I should have the update up in a few minutes/hours/days/monthes. Basically, soon :)

11-15-2005, 08:37 PM
Added a little part (sorry ForceFightWMe12 I kinda stole a leaf from your your book)

11-15-2005, 11:56 PM
Its good, but unfortunatly you have commited blashpemy to sci-fi: you used the Imperial System! (All sci-fi is metric) ;)

11-16-2005, 12:25 AM
NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! The horror!!!

11-16-2005, 06:35 AM
He suddenly felt hot anger

John Skywalker
11-16-2005, 01:09 PM
keep it up jedi knight! can you do the next chapter in 30 seconds:)

11-16-2005, 07:25 PM

Well don't you think that if you saw your love of your life get shot by somebody, you'd feel just a tad bit pissed?

11-17-2005, 01:55 AM
Added a little. I gotta stop with all this romance. Anyway, update should be soon

11-17-2005, 06:07 AM
Well don't you think that if you saw your love of your life get shot by somebody, you'd feel just a tad bit pissed?
Well yes, but I wouldn't feel hot anger, I would be pissed off.

11-17-2005, 10:20 AM
oh suuuuure, great work ,BTW JK 707, cant wait for the new chapter. though, i think Atton's no sould be just a
instead of a cheesy, sith style

11-17-2005, 09:22 PM
Just read the update, can't wait to see what is gonna happen :)

11-17-2005, 11:49 PM
oh suuuuure, great work ,BTW JK 707, cant wait for the new chapter. though, i think Atton's no sould be just a
instead of a cheesy, sith style

Meh. I like it better with the cliche. :)

11-18-2005, 06:31 AM
have it your way, thats just my opinion

11-20-2005, 07:36 PM
I'm not like trying to insult you, I just think that if I put 'NO!' it would be over in a few nano-seconds, but if I put 'NOOOOOOOO!!!!' then it kinda gives it the feeling

11-22-2005, 10:34 AM
yeah but when you read it, it looks like its supposed to be pronounced as MOOO! <= the cow's sound

11-22-2005, 11:00 AM
Not funny. Sorry.

11-22-2005, 11:23 AM
i demand you delete that right away

11-22-2005, 12:06 PM
i demand you delete that right away
I apologise. That was both childish and stupid. I promise that I won't make another joke like that.

11-23-2005, 12:57 PM
's ok.
cant wait for the update, JK.

11-23-2005, 06:20 PM
Should have the update pretty soon, but 8th grade is taxing. :(

11-23-2005, 06:24 PM
Not as much as the 7th grade.
* Pauses and shakes his head slowly thinking of the bad memories from the 7th grade...*
I'll try to finish the first chapter of my own... But school is very demanding (I wrote 14 A4 pages and the space battle isn't over yet![The Space battle is supposed to be the minority of that chapter... But it didn't turn out to be as short as I expected])

11-24-2005, 01:06 AM
you can just say that some unknown common enemy planted bombs on all of the ships and detonated them at one time, space battle over! :D :D

11-25-2005, 07:35 PM
Well this kinda (OK really) sucks. My computer just got wiped and I didn't get to save my work :( So, the update should be slightly delyaed now. Sorry :(

11-30-2005, 01:54 AM
Its here!!!!!!! The update is here!!!!!!!!! I know all of you were just dying!!!!! Added it to the.....other part...:) Really sorry it took me so long :(

11-30-2005, 02:49 PM
Excellent work.

“Whoo. I’m pooped. I’m gonna go to bed,” said Thomas, tiredly.
Ohhhh... Did baby-nappy wet his wedgie-redgie? :p :D

“Why, with you of course.”

The other Jedi masters had de-ranked Vrook to padawan after they learned what a prick he had been to Thomas.

11-30-2005, 07:04 PM
Thats not meant to be sexual if thats what your thinking, I just thought that they needed some alone time. You might see in the next update :) And thank you :) And I always thought that Vrook deserved to be a padawan :D

EDIT: Removed that part about the whole sleeping thing, it just didn't come out the way I had thought it.

12-01-2005, 07:04 PM
Ohhhh... Did baby-nappy wet his wedgie-redgie? :p :D

:rolleyes: Oh, cmon like you've never said 'I'm pooped'? As a matter of fact, I'm pooped right now.

12-01-2005, 07:10 PM
Yes, I know. But hearing that from a... How old is he again?

12-01-2005, 07:54 PM
I dunno, I figured that she was like 25-28 or something like that

12-02-2005, 10:57 AM
Err, I meant him (Thomas). Unless of course, he is a girl. :xp:

12-02-2005, 11:03 AM
:roflmao: *ahem* I was thinking like the same as Brianna.

12-02-2005, 11:11 AM
great work, dude. and i know how you fell, once i had my entire last chapter of The Battle for Almania wiped when i accidentaly pushed the main power switch off. :D

12-02-2005, 01:51 PM
:lol: Well thank you for your praise, but my true goal is to get into your sig :lol:.
Really though ;)

12-02-2005, 09:41 PM
Chapter 4

As they were entering Mos Eisley, they noticed Atton and Visas’ ship. As soon as the Ebon Hawk touched down, they started to run towards it.

Still hugging Visas, Atton heard a knock at the entrance.
“Visas? Atton?” said a mysterious voice.
Helping Visas, Atton walked to the door. “Who’s there?” he called.
“It’s me Thomas, now open up dammit!” Thomas yelled.
Opening the door, Atton found himself in a hug by Brianna, and Visas found herself in a hug from Thomas.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s this all about?” asked Atton.
“We felt a disturbance in the force and we hauled ass here,” explained Thomas.
Laughing, Atton said, “Tsk, tsk. That’s no language for a Jedi.” Then getting serious, he said, “The disturbance you felt was Visas. She got hit.”
A look of deep concern replaced Thomas’ smile, “I’m sorry for hugging you so hard Visas, I didn’t know.”
“It’s OK, because, well, now I’m OK. But when I was hit, I was less worried about me, and I was more worried about the baby.”
Thomas opened his mouth, but no words came out. Looking at his watch, Atton muttered, “3…2…1. Dammit. You were supposed to say something in 10 seconds, Thomas. Here’s your credits Visas,” Atton said, handing them over, “you do realize that you now owe me eighty-two credits?”
Thomas stood there with his mouth open stupidly for another ten seconds before he finally sucked up all the slobber that was falling and cried, “CONGRATUALATIONS!!!!!!!”
“DAMN YOU THOMAS!!!!! Visas knew that you were gonna say that,” said Atton, handing over ten credits to Visas. “But, thank you, regardless.”
Brianna, who had been thinking the whole time, finally said, “Is it a boy or a girl?”
“We don’t know. And frankly, we don’t want to. It’s gonna be a surprise! Just like finding out she was pregnant was…” muttered Atton.
“So tell me what happened! How the hell did Visas get shot?” inquired Thomas.
“Well lets sit down, you’re just standing there like idiots,” moving over to a table.
After they sat down, Atton and Visas explained how it all happened. When they got to the part about the mysterious being, Thomas said, “I knew it…” and Brianna whispered, “Crap!”
Grinning once Atton got to the part about healing Visas, Thomas said, “Boy, you just love taking care of her and healing her don’t you? First, after I defeated her when she had come from Darth Nihilus, and then you take care of her when she gets shot.”
Laughing, Atton said, “I help the damsel in distress, what can I say?” Stretching and yawning he said, “I’m gonna go hit the hay. All of this story-telling has made me tired. You ready Visas?”
“I though you’d never ask,” she replied sleepily.
“The spare bedroom is down –“
“The hall. Yes, I know. I owned the ship, remember?”
“Whatever, we’ll see you in the morning.”
Sitting in the bed with Brianna next to him, Thomas said, “That’s something. Can’t believe Visas is pregnant. Talk about a shocker…”
“Do you want any kids?” Brianna asked, suddenly.
Taken aback, Thomas replied, “I’m not sure….Well, sure I’d like a son or a daughter, but not now.”
Kissing him lightly, Brianna said, “I was just asking.”
Returning the kiss, Thomas said, “Let’s sleep. More time for discussion in the morning.”

“OK, where do you think we should go?” asked Brianna, once they were all seated.
“Back to the Enclave. We should report our findings to the masters. Plus, they said that they have a surprise for all of us,” replied Thomas.
“Sounds good. Let’s get going,” said Atton getting up. “Visas get the engines going; I need to talk to Thomas for a second.”
Puzzled, Thomas walked to a corner with Atton. Atton asked, “Do you think we should tell them about the baby?”
Thinking for a moment, Thomas replied, “Yes. They will find out sooner or later, and I think it best that they find out by our hand, not an eavesdropper with a big mouth.”
Nodding, Atton said, “Let’s get going.”
It took another two days until the reached Dattoonie. They set down, and Thomas asked, “Brianna, do you think it’s a good idea that Visas and Atton are telling the masters about the baby?”
“Yes,” she replied without a moment’s hesitation.
Vandar walked up to greet them. “We need to talk to you in private chambers. Come with me, all four of you,” he said walking towards the Enclave.
As they stepped in, they noticed all of the Jedi masters were present, but no one else.
“What’s this all about?” inquired Thomas, puzzled.
“We all know that you have already taken prestige classes, Thomas and Brianna you are weapon masters, Atton and Visas, you are watchmen and watchwoman,” said Vandar.
“But we are wondering if you all would join us on the Jedi council as Jedi masters,” said Kavar.
Awed, all four of them stumbled out a yes.
Laughing, Dorak said, “So, when are you going to tell us about the baby and the Sith?”
Flabbergasted, Atton sputtered, “You know about Visas and me?”
“Hint of advice: next time you have a big conversation, shut down the comm. Center. But do not fear; we are not mad at the fact that you’re having a baby. Love is the strongest of all emotions, we have all felt it. And, you’re bringing another life into this world. That is all, you may leave.”
Walking out, Brianna said what they were all thinking, “That was easy.”
“What do we do know?” asked Atton.
“How the hell should I know? I don’t think that the Sith are going to return for a while. Obviously, you sacred the crap out of that…thing that attacked you,” said Thomas irritated.
“OK, OK. I was just asking.”

8 months later

“It’s coming, IT’S COMING!!!!!!!!” yelled Visas at Atton.
“Oh crap,” he muttered. “OK, I’m calling Brianna and Thomas.”
Picking up the phone, he pressed a few numbers. “Thomas? Yeah, it’s time.”
Thomas and Brianna ran into the ship a few minutes later, with the other Jedi masters in tow.
“Set her down on the bed,” commanded Dorak.
Picking up Visas with a grunt, Atton laid her down on the bed.
“I’ve read about delivering babies in the Jedi archives,” said Dorak. Laughing, he continued, “Who knew the archives had info on delivering babies. I saw a holocron, so I guess I should deliver it?”
They all nodded, as they had no knowledge of delivering babies.
“OK, let’s see…..Oh yes, I remember. You have to push,” Dorak said, laughing.
“OK, no time for jokes, push Visas, push. There’s a head….there’s the body…AND IT’S A BOY!” he said as he was holding the baby.
“Oh……my…….god……..I HAVE A SON!” yelled Atton.
Giving him a hug, Thomas said, “Congrats, man! Congrats!!!”
“Can I……hold him?” said Visas, panting.
“Here ya go,” said Dorak handing her the baby.
“What should….we name him?” asked Visas, getting her breath back.
“He came out of you, you get the honor,” Atton said.
“Can I call him…Jaq?” asked Visas.
“Are you sure? I don’t think my middle name is lucky, but the decision is yours,” Atton said, kissing her forehead.
“Jaq fits,” she said firmly.
They all murmured agreements.
Pulling Thomas over to the side, Atton said, “Listen, I want to get these Sith as much as you do, but I won’t let any harm come to Jaq, no matter the other consequences.”
”If you ever, ever put Jaq in danger, I would stick your eyeballs in glue. But, seriously, do you think that I would put a kid in danger? Not even I want to get those Sith that bad,” said Thomas.
“Just telling you.”

Visas was sleeping, Atton was sitting by her side, Thomas was off doing research on the Sith, and Brianna was holding Jaq.
Crying, Brianna said, “Who knew something could be so beautiful.”
“Yeah, he is,” said Thomas, walking into the room.
“Let’s steal it,” she said laughing.
Laughing as well, Thomas said, “No, I don’t want Atton to kill me. But, hey I found some information on the Sith. A padawan was looking for supplies on Nar Shaddaa and was killed. His master, Tim Lexti, went looking for him, and hasn’t returned. The other masters figured some merc’s or some thugs had done it. But, I don’t think that some thugs could take out a Jedi knight. I think that we should check it out. Once Visas wakes up, I’ll see if they’re up to the challenge. And I assume that you’re in as well?”
“You actually have to ask?”
“I was kidding.”
“When should we leave?”
“Whenever I get an answer from Visas and Atton.”
“Well, I’m gonna get some shuteye.”
After giving Atton Jaq back, she kissed Thomas and said, “’Night.”
Thomas walked over to Atton. “Atton, I’ve found some info on the Sith.”
“What is it?”
“First, I want to know if Visas and you want to come. It’s gonna be dangerous,” he warned.
Waving him off airily, Atton said, “Of course were in. Well, I am at least. I’m sure that the other Jedi masters can take care of Jaq.”
After a minute of explaining about Nar Shaddaa, Thomas said, “Are you 100% sure that you’re in? I don’t want Jaq to grow up without a mother or a father.”
“He won’t. We’ll make sure of that.”
“Yes, we will make sure of that,” said Visas. They both jumped, they hadn’t realized that she had woken up.
“Are you all right?” asked Atton.
“Yes, thank you. Oh and by the way, I’ll come.”
“How long have you been awake?” asked Thomas, surprised.
“Long enough.”
“I think that we should head out in a few weeks.”
“Alright, if you say so.”

The next few weeks, they prepared, and looked after Jaq. The other Jedi Masters said that he had a strong connection to the Force, and could probably be a Jedi. “Really? Wow, three Jedi in the family. Who knew?” though Atton out loud.
“It’s time to leave,” yelled Thomas to Atton and Visas.
Handing Jaq over to Master Kavar, Visas said, “Look after him.”
“If you don’t, you’ll have to answer to all four of us,” said Brianna next to her, jokingly.
Atton walked over to Thomas, and said, “Wait. We haven’t thought of which ship were taking.”
“Are you kidding me? The Ebon Hawk of course,” replied Thomas.
“Well, I didn’t know,” Atton said defensively.
Rolling his eyes, Thomas just sighed and went back to his work.
“Let’s lift off,” said Brianna, as she walked in.
“Wait. Before we leave, are you sure you want to come? Me and Brianna can take care of things,” asked Thomas, worried.
“Yes, we’re sure,” replied Visas, sternly.
“It’s going to be a day and a half until we get there. Any ideas as to what we should do until then?” asked Atton.
“I’ve got an idea,” said Brianna. “Let’s spar.”
Laughing, Thomas said, “How did I know?”
“I mean, where we’re all in one room, free for all.”
Smiling, Thomas said, “That ain’t a half bad idea. But, not with lightsabers. Four lightsabers in one room? That is just spelling out disaster. Let’s go with force pikes instead; I have some in the garage. Though, only one end. I shudder to think what would happen if we all had double-bladed out.”
Running over to the garage, he though, Wow. Why didn’t I think of that idea?
Reading his thoughts when he came back, Brianna said, “’Cause I’m more smarter.”
Laughing, Thomas replied, “More smarter? Nice one.”
Walking over to the cargo hold, Thomas said, “If you fall or you surrender, then you’re out.”
As they all ignited one side, Thomas said, “What are we waiting for, let’s go!” At once, they all started. Atton was fighting Brianna and Thomas was against Visas. Visas recognized Thomas was using Ataro. She remembered that the weakness to that was movement. “C’mon, you’re better than that,” she said through gritted teeth. “Let me see the Thomas that killed Kreia.” He merely smiled and said, “OK.” Then, it was as if he wasn’t there. He was everywhere, and nowhere. “Oh crap,” she muttered. Then, she felt a small pain in her back. So, it was a ploy, using Ataro, he actually was mastered in Juyo, she thought. “I give,” she said, as she saw that he had actually used the hilt and hit her lightly in the back with hit. “Sorry if I hit you so hard,” he said. While this was going on, Atton and Brianna were going at it. Brianna using Makashi, and Atton was Shien. Then, Atton was using Shii-Cho. Jumping in, Thomas took no side, and equally went after Atton as much as he did Brianna. Finally, he noticed that Atton was becoming weaker. After a minute more, he said, “OK…enough, you guys are just too good.” Both Brianna and Thomas smiled, then Brianna said, “Can we go to double-blade now?” He nodded, and they both extended there force pikes. Breathing in heavily, Thomas closed his eyes for a second, then went after Brianna using Soresu. Brianna was using Makashi. Thomas feinted left, then went right. She caught the feint and spun before going after his legs. Thomas used his blade to shift the weight in his favor and using the other blade on her force pike to go after her face. She dodged it, but he was too fast for her, and had the tip against her neck. Panting a little, he said, “Good job guys, I’m proud that you all have done so well. It’s an honor to fight along side all of you.”
They all smiled, embarrassed. “Well, you were a great teacher,” said Atton. “I know I complain a lot, but it’s true.”
“Yes, without you, I’d still be at Atris’ academy,” added Brianna.
“Well, the only reason you came, is cause you love me so much,” replied Thomas, smiling. “Now, who wants to do the spar with lightsabers?”
Laughing, they all said no. “I don’t want to die yet,” said Atton.
“Well, then in that case, I’m going to bed,” said Thomas.

The next day was filled with more sparring and playing dejarik and pazzak. Once they touched down, Thomas said, “We’ll take the refugee sector, and Atton, you can take the cantina, I know that you still have some friends there.”
Thomas walked towards the elevator that led to the refugee sector, muttering, “Here goes nothing.”
Looking up from his datapad, Hussef registered the new comer with a nod. “Can I help you?”
“Is that the way you greet an old friend?”
“No…” muttered Hussef. Looking up to get a better look, he realized it was Thomas. “Thomas!” Pulling him into a hug, Hussef said, “Boy, long time no see!”
“Still helping the refugees?” asked Thomas.
“Yea, and it’s going a crap load better thanks to you.” Looking at Brianna, he said, “My, my. Who is this lovely young lady?”
“This is Brianna. Brianna this is Hussef. I helped out Hussef a little with the Exchange and the Serreco. You were on board at the time.”
“A little? You probably saved thousands of people’s lives by helping us out.”
“No problem. But, I didn’t just come here to catch up on old times. A Jedi, and possibly two, were killed looking for supplies. You know anything about it?”
“I hear about that. And, I heard someone talking about it. They said something about the Sith were doing it.”
“That’s what we were afraid of. Did they say anything about where they thought the Sith were?”
Scratching his head, and thinking for a minute, Hussef said, “Yea…I think that they were in the docks…In one of the old apartments, where Lootra used to live.”
“Thanks a bunch. Did they say anything else that might be worthy of mention?”
“No, that was it.”
“Thanks again, we got to hit the road, or at least the elevator.” He smiled. “See ya around.”
Hussef smiled back. “It’s my pleasure. Come back and visit anytime.”
Brianna and Thomas stepped onto the elevator. Pulling out her comlink, Brianna called Atton. “We’ve found them. Meet us in the docks in 5 minutes.”

They all met in the docks. “What did you find out?” asked Visas.
“The Sith are where Lootra used to live. Do you think that we should do an all out attack, or should we wait it out?” said Brianna.
Atton smiled. “You all know what I’m gonna say. All out attack of course.”
“I agree,” said Thomas.
“Me too,” said Brianna.
Visas sighed. “Does it really matter what I have to say? Well, I was going to say attack, so I guess it doesn’t.”
Running towards the apartments, they all ignited their lightsabers. “This is what I live for!” yelled Thomas.
Standing at the door, Brianna said, “Do you want to knock? Or should I?”
As he was pulling his lightsaber back to cut open the lock, the door opened. “Hello,” said a mysterious voice. That was it. Then, he pulled out his red lightsaber, and went after Thomas. Thomas parried, and attacked. His blue blade went after the thing’s leg. The thing dodged it, and stabbed his blade at Thomas’ heart. But, Thomas was too quick for him. He dodged it and went after the thing’s hand. The man’s hand dropped to ground, as well as his saber. Squinting at the hilt, Thomas said, “I’ve seen that hilt before.” He pulled back the thing’s hood. It was Bao-Dur.

12-02-2005, 09:47 PM
“It’s OK, because, well, now I’m OK. But when I was hit, I was less worried about me, and I was more worried about the baby.”
:eek: Now that is something you don't see every day. Nice plot twist! :thumbsup: for you.

12-02-2005, 09:50 PM
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I just saw Ep. 3 for the millioneth time and I saw Padme say she's pregnant. Bada-Bing!

12-02-2005, 11:33 PM
Nice twist! I didn't know if it were possible, a miraluka and a human.

12-03-2005, 01:21 AM
Who said it was Atton's baby ;) Just kidding it is his :lol:

12-03-2005, 05:16 AM
Added some. Another plot twist!!!!

12-03-2005, 12:49 PM
true goal is to get into my sig? you mean as in recommend like i did with FFWM12 right? dont worry, a few more chapters and youre in :D

awesome work by the way, though im concerned how the baby will look.

12-03-2005, 07:18 PM
I'M IN!!!!!!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!! Anyway, thank you :D

12-03-2005, 08:20 PM
I'M IN!!!!!!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!!
Congratulations. I wish I finished my chapter already...

12-04-2005, 12:56 AM
:lol: Congrats on yur 100(1) posts :D

12-04-2005, 02:26 AM
Added a tid bit. The baby is a Yeah, I'm gonna tell ya. Read the damn story

John Skywalker
12-04-2005, 11:42 AM
lovely jedi knight keep it coming:)

12-04-2005, 10:04 PM
hehe It's lovely! :lol: Thank you

12-05-2005, 12:46 AM
Added a little bit :D

12-05-2005, 11:42 AM
One Question: How does this baby look like anyway? Because... Human(father)=Cold Murderer; Miraluka(mother)=Blind. :whacked:

12-05-2005, 11:51 AM
errr.... blind cold murderur??
anyway, youre in too, Vlad. :D
good work, JK and youre welcome ;)

12-05-2005, 06:54 PM
One Question: How does this baby look like anyway? Because... Human(father)=Cold Murderer; Miraluka(mother)=Blind. :whacked:

Atton repented his ways :D

12-06-2005, 11:45 AM
poor guy :D

12-06-2005, 11:34 PM
I wouldn't mind a Jedi for a....can't call them husband/wife per se, but moer of a special someone.

12-07-2005, 12:22 AM
Added some. Whew! That was mighty a paragraph to write :)

12-07-2005, 08:04 AM
Is it just me or Thomas and 'The Thing' are acctuely... the same.

12-07-2005, 12:51 PM
its not "more smarter"
its just "smarter" or "more intelligent"

12-08-2005, 11:26 PM
its not "more smarter"
its just "smarter" or "more intelligent"

:rolleyes: THAT WAS THE JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12-09-2005, 06:18 AM

12-09-2005, 06:53 PM
Should have the update soon. Sorry it's taking me so long.

12-10-2005, 10:35 AM
no hurry, take your time.

12-16-2005, 04:01 PM
So... How's it going Jedi_Knight_707?

12-16-2005, 06:24 PM
Got writer's block....GRRRR!!!!!!! Should have an update within the week however, Christmas break started today for my school.

12-18-2005, 12:29 AM
Added some. Bet you didn't see that coming ;)

Darth Beowulf
12-18-2005, 12:58 AM
Due thanx for the help with my fanfic. I was wondering if I could use Your exile as the exile in my story. Yes my character is your character brother except he's dark side talk about opposites

12-18-2005, 02:28 AM
:rofl: My first stalker :rofl: Sure, you can use him :D

12-18-2005, 10:11 AM
Squinting at the hilt, Thomas said, “I’ve seen that hilt before.” He pulled back the thing’s hood. It was Bao-Dur.
I wonder what is going to happen now.

12-18-2005, 02:42 PM
Why is Bao-Dur fighting jedi? Did another Zabrak kill him and take his lightsaber or is it really Bao-Dur?

12-18-2005, 04:12 PM
Why is Bao-Dur fighting jedi? Did another Zabrak kill him and take his lightsaber or is it really Bao-Dur?

:rolleyes: Haven't you ever heard of the dark side? :lol:

12-18-2005, 04:37 PM
Nope. ;). Actually, I just think that Bao-Dur would be the last person to be corrupted.

12-18-2005, 08:25 PM
Oh, well. It was either him or the Disicple. I like Bao-Dur more, so I wanted him in the story.

12-19-2005, 12:58 AM
^I guess that means he won't be totally PWN3D by the jedi.

12-19-2005, 01:28 AM
:confused: What?

John Skywalker
12-19-2005, 02:36 AM
nice jedi knight! keep writing i want to see what happens:)

12-19-2005, 01:52 PM
Oh you will MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *thunder is on vacation*

12-19-2005, 02:02 PM
*pulls thunder back home and slaps its face in revenge and orders it to go and rumble after JK's 'muhaha' thingy*:D

awesome work, Jedi_Knight. keep up the good work.

oh, and which do you think is better: Broccoli or asparagus? :D

12-19-2005, 02:42 PM
I absolutly despise all fruits/vegetables (but I do like asparagus better ;)) *thunder calls a hitman to go after both of us*

12-19-2005, 02:52 PM
im with you there, though i hate asparagus too.
*both of us kills the hitman and the thunder and hire a new one*:D

12-19-2005, 03:16 PM
:confused: What?
I meant that if you wanted Bao-Dur in the story you probably wouldn't have him pwn3d to death after a 32-second long fight.

12-19-2005, 03:37 PM
*new thunder is actaully the old thunder's sister, and she hires another hitman*

12-20-2005, 01:18 AM
When are you going to post the next chapter?

12-20-2005, 01:54 AM
I meant that if you wanted Bao-Dur in the story you probably wouldn't have him pwn3d to death after a 32-second long fight.

What aer you talking about? He was the thing in all of the other fights. Wouldn't that make him like in half the story??? And, besides, who said he was gonna die ;)

@ DLR Within the next week.

12-20-2005, 01:56 AM
is he gana die or not

12-20-2005, 02:03 AM
Like I'm gonna tell you :)

PS Check your PM's

12-20-2005, 02:20 AM
hey! no fair. tell me too.

12-20-2005, 02:32 AM
this is a copy of what I sent him:

Well, you asked if he was gonna die so


12-20-2005, 03:11 AM
I'm working on the chapter now. I'm sorry to say this, but soon (within the next 5-8 updates) the story shall come to a close (probably, I'm debating when I should stop)...But despair, you shall not! I'm gonna start a new Fic soon.

12-20-2005, 04:27 AM
Update is here :D
Chapter 5

“Hello, master,” he spat.
“Ba…..Bao-Dur….how could…how could you join the Sith?” pleaded Thomas.
“Because I had to! You little Jedi bastards with your helping out others and your doing the right thing! I liked that for a while to, thinking that we were making a difference, but helping out people? Why not help out the galaxy? And don’t tell me that crap with ‘a little goes a long way.’ That’s bull. I helped out many people, and I saw no change in the galaxy.”
“But, why didn’t you just help out the Ithorians or something like that?”
“Because they annoy me,” he mocked, “Because it’s only one planet. I might have helped out a system, but one measly planet. Forget that.”
“I…just…..can’t…,” stumbled Thomas.
“Well, do whatever you want with me,” said Bao-Dur, airily.
“What do you think that we should do with you?”
“I just said, I DON’T CARE!”
Atton picked up Bao-Dur and started walking back towards the Ebon Hawk. “Let’s take him to the Jedi Council.” He smiled grimly. “Glad we finally found the Sith.”
“I’m not…well, I am…I don’t know,” said Brianna.
“Let’s go,” said Thomas, sighing.

The next few days were hell for Thomas, Brianna, Atton, and Visas. Bao-Dur never said a word.

After they had given the Council Bao-Dur, Thomas and Brianna walked into their dormitory. “Wow…I never would have guessed that Bao-Dur was the guy we were looking for,” said Brianna. “I mean, it just shows you that usually the hardest people to see are the people closest to you…” She looked over Thomas, and was surprised to see him smiling. “What’s funny?”
Laughing, he said, “It’s funny to see your face screwed up in anger sometimes.”
Now laughing as well, Brianna replied, “Well, you should see yourself when you sleep! Looks like you’re being attacked!”
Acting as if he was deeply offended, Thomas scoffed, “Well, these outrages will not be soon forgotten. And I won’t be forgetting these outrages. Not today, nor tommo-”
“Yeah, outrages, I think I got it. Now, shut up and kiss me.”
And kiss, they did. It was several minutes before they broke away. Smiling, Brianna snuggled into his chest, and said, “Like I was saying, before you interrupted me, what if the closest ones, are the ones we should fear?”
“What do you mean?” replied Thomas, confused.
“Well, we assume that Visas and At-”
“Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. If you can’t trust them, then you can’t trust me.”
“You’re right. Forgive me.”
“It’s OK.”

The next day, Thomas and Brianna were talking, when a padawan knocked on the door to the Ebon Hawk. “Come in,” called Brianna.
“Hello, masters,” said the padawan.
“Hello,” said Thomas smiling, “what can we do for you?”
“The other Masters sent me over here to tell you that Bao-Dur is calling for you.”
“Both of us?”
“No, just you Master Thomas.”
“Oh, thanks. Tell the other Masters I’ll be over there in a sec.”
As the padawan walked down the ramp, Thomas said to Brianna, “I wonder what he wants with me.”
“Well, better go find out.”
Walking into the detainment chambers, Thomas asked, “Yes, Bao-Dur?”
“I have some news that might interest you.”
“Hit me with it.”
“I have to know one thing. Why do you do this? Why do you help people? And don’t give me a crappy Jedi response either.”
“There…was something that Malachor did to me. I saw all my brethren die, fall to the ground helpless. Yet, I didn’t. I was alive. I was more alive than I had ever been. It wasn’t anger, but an obsession. An obsession to…to do something. I was tired of being under the Council’s spell, tired of the Code. I just wanted to be free again.”
“I, too, had an obsession to do something, I wanted to fix the galaxy. But you damn Jedi kept getting the way. ‘Do the right thing. Help others. Do what we say is right.’ I was pissed. You’ve convinced me to tell you. I’m not some self-trained Sith. I have – had – a master. He was named Darth Rexes. He was viler than the bottom of Taris. I’m not sure where you can find him, I found him on Korriban. After that though, he contacted me by hologram. I’d start with Korriban. Listen, Thomas, beyond what it may seem, I’m not your enemy, he is.” And with that he was silent.
Brianna greeted him as he walked onto the Ebon Hawk. “How’d it go?” she inquired.
“We are heading to Korriban,” he said, unemotionally. “Can you see if Atton and Visas will come?”
“Sorry, no we can’t. Well, we can, but we really want to spend time with Jaq,” said Visas, walking onto the ship.
“Alright, we’ll see you guys when we get back,” said Brianna. As they stepped out, Brianna asked, “What’s wrong?”
“It’s just something Bao-Dur reminded me of. Something that I wish that I never had done.”
“Something at Malachor?”
“Mind reader. Yea, it reminded me of the feeling I got when I was there the first time. It a feeling I wish I never would have felt. It was so…deep. It touched something inside of me that I hadn’t felt since I was a child. I’m scared of that feeling.”
“I love you. Just remember that every time you think that feeling is coming.” And with that, she walked into the cockpit. Smiling in spite of himself, Thomas thought, She’s right. No use pouting.
It was a three day flight before they touched down on the surface of Korriban.
“Not exactly a happy and lush place is it?” said Thomas smiling.
“Well, it looks at lot better than the last time we were here. See,” she pointing to a dead tree, “there is even vegetation.”
“Always the optimist aren’t we?”
“Glass is half-full.”
“Let’s go, let’s go.”

12-20-2005, 05:31 AM
+20 cool points for anyone who knows where I got that whole outrages thing :D

12-20-2005, 08:59 AM
“Because I had to! You little Jedi bastards with your helping out others and your doing the right thing! I liked that for a while to, thinking that we were making a difference, but helping out people? Why not help out the galaxy? And don’t tell me that crap with ‘a little goes a long way.’ That’s bull. I helped out many people, and I saw no change in the galaxy.”

“Because they annoy me,” he mocked, “Because it’s only one planet. I might have helped out a system, but one measly planet. Forget that.”
“I have to know one thing. Why do you do this? Why do you help people? And don’t give me a crappy Jedi response either.”
“There…was something that Malachor did to me. I saw all my brethren die, fall to the ground helpless. Yet, I didn’t. I was alive. I was more alive than I had ever been. It wasn’t anger, but an obsession. An obsession to…to do something. I was tired of being under the Council’s spell, tired of the Code. I just wanted to be free again.”

“I, too, had an obsession to do something, I wanted to fix the galaxy. But you damn Jedi kept getting the way. ‘Do the right thing. Help others. Do what we say is right.’ I was pissed. You’ve convinced me to tell you. I’m not some self-trained Sith. I have – had – a master. He was named Darth Rexes. He was viler than the bottom of Taris. I’m not sure where you can find him, I found him on Korriban. After that though, he contacted me by hologram. I’d start with Korriban. Listen, Thomas, beyond what it may seem, I’m not your enemy, he is.”
Woah! Hold on there: What happened to Bao-Dur, because that definaetley doesn't sound like him. Man... He is a cold and calm person that tries to think for the best; not a screwed up psychopath.

Anyway, :thumbsup: for you.

12-20-2005, 11:42 AM
Darth Rexes did a good job, i see.
excellent work, JK. i liked Bao Durs annoyance with the Jedi :D

12-20-2005, 01:50 PM
Woah! Hold on there: What happened to Bao-Dur, because that definaetley doesn't sound like him. Man... He is a cold and calm person that tries to think for the best; not a screwed up psychopath.

Anyway, :thumbsup: for you.

Well, what I was trying to do is make him so that he hates things that go in his way, and the Jedi were #1. And thank you :D

@RC Thank you :D

12-20-2005, 02:03 PM
sound like ur goin crazy(jk).lol

12-20-2005, 02:10 PM
:explode: Defiantly :rofl:

12-20-2005, 03:00 PM
ooooh. i hope that dont happen to you or well have an unfinished great fanfic on our hands and ill be banging my head to the table. :D

12-20-2005, 03:41 PM
lol yea i cant wait for u to post the next chapter. When will it be finished.

12-20-2005, 04:05 PM
By Friday at the most. Oh yea, it used to be Rexet, but when I did spell check to ignore it I noticed Rexes. So I changed it to that :)

12-20-2005, 04:28 PM
:explode: Defiantly :rofl:
I believe you mean 'definately'. 'Defiantly' is an adverb that means something was done (or is being done) in a rebellious manner. Learn your adverbs or you'll get cancer :tsk:

12-20-2005, 04:43 PM
whats up with the english lesson

12-20-2005, 04:49 PM
He's writing a fic, can't have him confusing his adjectives and adverbs when GL comes in, can we? ;)

12-20-2005, 04:55 PM
no i guess not

12-20-2005, 06:04 PM
Bah. I missepelled it, so what?

12-20-2005, 06:46 PM
ask the english professer

12-20-2005, 07:09 PM
Bah. I misspelled it, so what?
Fixed. :D
Its kind of confusing to me, and I felt like being a spelling nazi today. ;)

12-20-2005, 08:24 PM
oh so thats why.All hail Hallucination The Nazi Dictonary.

12-20-2005, 08:46 PM
Oh so thats why. All hail Hallucination the Nazi Dictionary.
Fixed! :D

12-20-2005, 08:50 PM
yea make fun of the fact were not all dictionaries.Just cause i can't spell doesnt mean u can make fun of me.

12-20-2005, 08:56 PM
^I'm not making fun of you, I'm just correcting all spelling errors in sight. You happen to have a lot of them.

12-20-2005, 09:16 PM
Fixed. :D
Its kind of confusing to me, and I felt like being a spelling nazi today. ;)

It was a typo!!!! Cut me some slack!!!!

12-20-2005, 09:26 PM
It was a typo!!!! Please cut me some slack!!!!
Fixed :D. Can't have you forgetting your manners, can we? ;). *cuts slack*

12-20-2005, 09:31 PM
Fixed :D. Can't have you forgetting your manners, can we? ;). *cuts slack*

hahaha.........jeez......all hail hallucination, the dictionary Nazi. :D

12-20-2005, 09:52 PM
all hail sith dictionary hallucination. The greatest sith dictionary ever.

12-20-2005, 10:22 PM
As Supreme Dictionary of the Sith, I believe we should stop spamming before we all get cancer. Or worse, moderated :eek: :smash:

12-21-2005, 10:32 AM
As Supreme Dictionary of the Sith, I believe we should stop spamming before we all get cancer. Or worse, moderated :eek: :smash:

lol very funny

12-21-2005, 01:51 PM
"No it's not," Jedi_Knight said, fear etching in his voice. "I've had some bad experiences with moderators..."
:lol: Like the 3rd person of myself? (btw I had to look up experiences...)

12-21-2005, 02:01 PM
Yea very interesting *slaps Jedi_Knight_707 in the face*

12-21-2005, 05:11 PM
Jedi_Knight mutters something censored. Here's what it is, only I used puppy instead of a word that can't be repeated: "That puppying puppyer."
And how come no one is sad that the story is going to end soon?

John Skywalker
12-21-2005, 06:07 PM
im sad your storys going to end jedi knight its a classic:(

12-21-2005, 06:25 PM
So soon? Already? Ohhh... :(

12-21-2005, 06:45 PM
Well, at the end of like the next five chapters, but I keep running out of ideas :(

12-21-2005, 06:53 PM
You need an advice? PM anyone. Me for example, I am always willing to help.

12-21-2005, 10:40 PM
Well, it's like I'm running out of ideas, and I don't want more. Yeah, (not bragging) it's a good story, but I don't want a story that just runs on and on, just to keep it going.

12-21-2005, 11:25 PM
How many more chapter you think that your gana do?

12-22-2005, 12:07 AM
Maybe like 5 more updates...

12-22-2005, 04:15 AM
i should hire pikachu to slap all your face like in JK's avi. hey! why dont i?
*hires a hitman version of pikachu that cannot be killed*

anyway, im really sorry to hear that the fic is ending, but all good things come to an end, thats the rule of life (unless, of course, you choose to write out crap just to keep the story going :D , not that your story is crap, that is)

12-22-2005, 01:02 PM
Wait...did you just call crap, crap? I'm confused :confused: Oh well, it's been happening a lot lately :)

12-22-2005, 01:23 PM
Its coming to an end? I guess that means more attention for Forcefight after this eh ;)? Like RC said, all good things come to an end.
Don't be sad because its over, be happy because it happened.

12-22-2005, 01:28 PM
Well, all I have left to do is this Sith Lord, set somethings straight in romance :naughty:, and then I think I'm done :) But, maybe in later days, I'll continue it, in a different part. And, I'm also gonna be starting another Fic, soon :) So, despair, you shall not :D

12-22-2005, 02:28 PM

and i meant that unless you typed crap just to keep your soty going, it will come to an end.

and the second bit meant that your story was, is, and will be not crap

12-22-2005, 02:37 PM
:confused: M'kay, I still am confused, but makes no difference, it does.

12-22-2005, 02:40 PM
me say that unless you make silly poo to put in your story, it finish and we cry. you understand?

12-22-2005, 02:48 PM
me understand good now :D

12-22-2005, 02:53 PM
good boy.
*gives JK a chocolate*
now go get constipated :lol:

12-22-2005, 04:05 PM
lol funny stuff

12-22-2005, 05:06 PM
good boy.
*gives JK a chocolate*
now go get constipated :lol:

arrgh!!! me need go poo!!!

12-22-2005, 05:12 PM
then go poo i bet u poo out a baby

12-22-2005, 06:13 PM
*goes and poo's* nope, turtle come out :D

12-22-2005, 10:37 PM
wow and i thought that it would be a baby

12-23-2005, 01:15 AM
turtle then poo out baby :D

12-23-2005, 05:30 AM
ok, guys you are grossing me out.

John Skywalker
12-23-2005, 04:45 PM
i dont think im going to end my fanfic,if eveyone likes it ill probably do a sequel:)

12-23-2005, 07:00 PM
RC dont deny it let it consume you, you know that you like it.JK(I used the word you wayto much sentence)

12-23-2005, 10:10 PM
I already have an ending for it, now I've got to think of a middle :) I will be doing a sequel too :D

12-23-2005, 11:10 PM
The end should be here either later tonight or tommorow.

John Skywalker
12-24-2005, 01:29 PM
if you dont mak a sequell I WILL KILL YOU J.K!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) just joking.

12-25-2005, 06:58 PM
Alright, the end is finally here :( It was really fun doing this, and I hope that you liked it :D I shall be doing a sequel :) I'm gonna stop babbling, so here it is:

They decided that the best place to start was the Academy. As they stepped in, Thomas commented, “Looks the same.”
“Yea, it hasn’t changed much since we were last here, except for the fact that there is a Sith lord here,” Brianna replied, dryly.
“Well, he might not be in here.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that he is just hiding in one of the tombs.”
“Oh, be quiet.”
“You started it.”
“Stop acting like a little baby Brianna.”
She winked. “Hey, the glass is half-full right.”
Thomas rolled his eyes. “Let’s go!”
They stepped into the middle of the academy. “I’m guessing that he – I hope it’s a he – would be hiding in the meditation room,” said Brianna.
They walked into the room, and saw Darth Rexes – or someone – sitting on a rocked that was raised slightly off the ground.
“Hello. You’ve come here looking for Darth Rexes, right?” asked the mysterious man.
“Yes, good guess,” answered Thomas. “How did you know that?”
“You don’t become a Sith lord by reading some books.”
“Aww, so you are Darth Rexes.”
“I’ve been called many names, and that is one of them, so I suppose, yes I am. And I also suppose that you are here to kill me?”
“You’re good, you know that?”
Darth Rexes ignited his blade. Its blood red color painted itself on his hood. Brianna and Thomas ignited their lightsabers; their blue blades put a feeling of calmness through the room. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” muttered Brianna.
Rexes jumped into battle. He was lightning fast. All of his moves seemed so easy. Thomas and Brianna had a hard time blocking his attacks, let alone attack him. They battled for what seemed like hours, until Thomas and Brianna started to notice that he was beginning to slow down. They finally got in a few attacks, until he was one the defensive. Finally, Rexes went to block one of Brianna’s attacks, and Thomas saw his opportunity. He struck at Rexes’ chest, and even though Rexes moved a little back, Thomas hit him. He was almost cut in half. Thomas and Brianna turned off their lightsabers and gave each other a hug. “I’m so glad that it’s done,” said Brianna.
“So I am,” replied Thomas. He sighed. “Let’s go back to Dantoonie.”
But Rexes wouldn’t die, without his last revenge. He used his last breath, his last ounce of energy, and stabbed Thomas in the back. Thomas let a groan escape him, then fell to the ground. “Thomas!!” screamed Brianna. “No, no, no, no!!!! You can’t die on me!!” She rolled him over on his back. “Help…..me….up,” he whispered. “I have….a little…life….left in me…”
She picked him up, and supported him. They walked back to the ship, as fast as they could. Brianna set him down on the medical bed. “I’m…going…to die…soon,” he whispered softly. “It…was my…time…Get us back to Dantoonie and leave me with some paper and a pencil…”
She gave him paper and a pencil, and set the ship for Dantoonie. When she went back to the bed, he was passed out. She waited for a few hours, but he didn’t regain consciousness. She fell asleep on the chair. When she awoke, Thomas was writing. “Don’t worry…our love…will keep…me alive…for the next…few days,” he said.
When they arrived, Thomas looked very close to his death. The Jedi council set him down on their most elaborate bed. Thomas knew when he was going to die in a few minutes. He gave Brianna an envelope and said, “Don’t open…it for…another three…days…” and died. Brianna and Visas started to weep. Atton put his head in his hands, and muttered, “Why, why, why?”
The other Jedi Masters left them to their sorrow.

Brianna’s eyes were very red and very puffy when she emerged from Thomas’ room, three days later. “He wanted me to give you guys these, I guess,” she said to Atton and Visas, handing them each a note. Visas opened hers, and it said:

I must be dead now, but that’s OK. I just want to say thank you for all that you did for me. But, that’s not why I’m writing this note. I just want you to look after Atton, he’s still pretty amateur. And, you better raise Jaq good, or else I’m going to haunt you. But, I don’t have to worry. Jaq is in good hands. I want to ask you a favor. Show Atton a sunset. I don’t think that he’s ever seen one. You should watch them too. Trust me, they’re beautiful. Here’s a poem:

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Take care, and many love,


Visas smiled. It was a little before the sunset, she would watch it with Atton. Atton opened his:

Hey man. Yea, I’m dead, but that’s fine. I’m just writing this note to say that you and Visas better take care of Jaq. Also, take care of Visas. Yea, she’s a Jedi Master, but she still has something that she’s hiding. Ask her, but don’t force it out. I already told Visas this, but you should go out and watch a sunset. I know that I sound crazy, but trust me, I know what I’m talking about. While your watching the sunset, ask Visas to recite the poem, she’ll know what I’m talking about.

Atton closed his note, and just shook his head. Typical Thomas, he thought. Then smiled. Finally, Brianna opened hers slowly:

Brianna, it’s OK that I’m gone. As I’m writing this note, I’m the happiest and the saddest man in the universe. I’m so sad that we had so little time together. Yet, I’m happy because it’s my time to go. I wrote this poem:

And now that I’m gone just carry on, don’t mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I’m looking down on you smiling
And I didn’t feel a thing, so please don’t feel my pain
Just smile back

Don’t worry, I’ll see you again. And, please, name our son James.


12-25-2005, 07:05 PM
*Sigh* Not exatcly a happy ending. But still... :thumbsup: for you.

“Don’t worry…our love…will keep…me alive…for the next…few days,” he said.

Sorry, but that was really lame.

12-25-2005, 07:26 PM
I know :D I had to lame it for a second there :)

12-25-2005, 07:34 PM
I had to lame it for a second there
Yes, I know and that' all right... The only thing is I tend to wish for the main character to die if he says something like that (It's not that I wanted for Thomas to die, I just found that sentence pathetic [no offence]).

12-25-2005, 07:45 PM
None taken, but I had to do something. Any other sentence just sounded sh**ty.

12-26-2005, 08:19 AM
it soooo sad that the fic has come to and end.

just kidding :D

im serious about the saddening bit

*slaps a mosquito*
damned things!

12-26-2005, 08:21 AM
and is it just me? or is the poem that Thomas wrote to brianna the chorus of Eminem's 'when im gone' ?

12-26-2005, 02:07 PM
<_< Yea, it's on my myspace, and I thought that it would be perfect :) Do you know where the poem Thomas (me?) worte for Visas is from?

12-27-2005, 05:51 AM
nope. what, is it from another song? or is ti from your grammar text book :D?

12-27-2005, 04:03 PM
It's by Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay, which I got from The Outsiders. I had to cut out a line, cuz it said 'So Eden sank to grief' and I don't think that the Bible is popular in the Star Wars galaxy.

12-27-2005, 09:04 PM
It's by Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay, which I got from The Outsiders
I knew it! I had to read that book last year for English. To bad that your fic is done. So about this sequel...;).
@RC: Your fic won't reign supreme because....
everyone in this forum except for me and Mach are horny 13-year-old boysI've been writing a fic for the last little while, and that will be supreme!!MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

12-27-2005, 09:07 PM
I knew it! I had to read that book last year for English. To bad that your fic is done. So about this sequel...;).
@RC: Your fic won't reign supreme because....
everyone in this forum except for me and Mach are horny 13-year-old boysI've been writing a fic for the last little while, and that will be supreme!!MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

8th grade right?

12-27-2005, 11:50 PM
@Hall, i still call you an a$$ :D

12-28-2005, 12:14 AM
@Hall, i still call you an a$$ :D

:nod::nod::nod: :D

12-28-2005, 12:18 AM
8th grade right?
@Hall, I still call you an a$$ :D
Capitalized! :D

12-28-2005, 12:46 AM
I'm gonna post my new Fic soon :)

02-13-2006, 12:17 PM
WOW! man that seriously rocked!!!!!!!!!! :guitar2 I cant wait if your writing a sequel. I liked the whole vrook deranked to padawan thing, he so deserved it! Honestly i think you should make that into a book or somethin but if not that still made my day!!!!!!!!!!

02-14-2006, 12:14 AM
ummm thanks man! :) you know that there is a sequel? Right here ;) (http://lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=157545)

Diego Varen
09-02-2006, 11:09 AM
Sorry about resurrecting an old, long dead Thread. I fancied reading a Fic from the year of 2005 (Which was before I joined) and since Jedi_Knight_707 was a favourite Writer of mine, I decided to read his first ever Fic. It is very good and I like the humour, Darth Rexes, etc. It needs improving with spacing between dialogue, etc, but it is still good. Jedi_Knight_707, if you can get this in the Jedi Archives, that would be great. I'll have to read the Sequel, The Destruction of the Sith, when I have time.

09-02-2006, 10:09 PM
Well, thanks! I know that it needs some definite improvment, but it was my first :) I plan on putting it in the archives, but I a) don't really know how (I mean, I know that you put [FIN] and all that, but I'm not sure how to post my chapters and such) and b) am working on a new, more improved version. It's going to keep the same storyline, but use everything I've learned. When I first started, that was literally my first attempt at writing anything besides essays, so I had no real idea how to keep a story going. I also used to just make it all up as I typed it, which I have found, makes a story lack.

EDIT: Also, don't read the sequel :xp: I think its really bad :( Especially the ending. Bah! humbug to that ending :)

Instructions for getting a thread posted in the Jedi Archives are here. (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=167872) What I did was open 2 tabs in firefox (or 2 windows)--one with my new FIN thread and one with my fic. I went to each chapter in my fic, hit 'edit post', and copied everything there (so formatting is retained). Then I pasted in the 'reply' window on the FIN thread and posted it. Each of my chapters got a separate post, though you don't have to do that if you don't want to--you can consolidate several chapters into 1 post if you want. Hope that helps. --Jae

10-09-2006, 09:06 PM
That was soooo sad*sniffle*.......... but it was sweet, awsome job.

06-24-2007, 11:23 PM
The first chapter has been re-written! I hope you like the changes I made. More to come, for sure. Read the paragraph I wrote and it should explain it all.

06-26-2007, 01:08 AM
Nice! I like! :thumbsup: I can see the difference in quality between the first and second chapters, great to have you back, JK. Hope to see a brand new fic sometime soon.

06-27-2007, 02:26 AM
Yeah, I was really inexpeirenced back in 7th grade. I'm not sure how often I'm going to update this story, but I hope to be done with it by the end of the summer, so ballpark the ending coming sometime around September.

As for a new story? Don't know about that! Not for awhile anyway. I'm too scared that I won't be able to finish it, or keep it going. But, who knows what the future may bring :D

Diego Varen
06-27-2007, 02:48 AM
Good edits so far JK_707. I have one question though. Will you rewrite The Destruction of the Sith afterwards?

06-27-2007, 02:58 AM
Possibly, but I've hated that story since I finished it. So if I do re-write it it'll be a total re-write, with a new plot and everything.

06-27-2007, 04:33 AM
Well, good luck with everything, JK.

*sigh* Remember the old days when we were the tops of CEC? :D

06-27-2007, 11:50 AM
Why do you think I wanted to re-write this story? Nostalgia is over whelming me right now...

I remember the days when I first posted this story, when Plight of Darkness had 1,000 views, and there were only 2 pages of stories. Good times! The times when someone could have the time to read every story and write a good review :D

When there was no Jedi Archives, Outer Rim Territories, Resource Center and Tales from Jayvar's Cantina.

When there wasn't fifteen stickies :)

Aww, those were the days right?

EDIT: And when you saw that you had a post from Hall meant that you had a spelling mistake in your story. What happened to Hall's pro spelling fixer job?!

06-27-2007, 11:06 PM
I think its the result of the tons of new fics that have come up. He doesnt have time to nitpick all of them :D. J/k hall.

06-27-2007, 11:32 PM
Apparently. I'm dissapointed in Hall's lack of concern for our spelling :(

07-18-2007, 10:27 PM
Guess what? I'm finished with another chapter :) Enjoy! Criticism (or praise) is always good.

EDIT: And, also, I'm not sure how much of the story will make sense after the first two chapters, so if you're a first time reader, and not familiar with the story, my advice would be to not read any of the rest. :) But, maybe you can get past the crappy writing. Up to you.

Empress Padme
07-19-2007, 12:04 AM
Was bored and looking at fan-fics, stumbled across your masterpiece, and it is and anyone who think otherwise....well I don't think that much of them.Got me hooked from chapter 1.Love Visas and Atton together AND definately loved Vrook's demotion ( I always hated that character so I let out a sadistic laugh when that happened.)Keep on with the greatness and a sequel( YES!) gonna go look 4 it now.

07-19-2007, 12:36 AM
Thank you very much :) But I've disowned the sequel. Some liked it, personally, I hate it. To each their own, however.

11-20-2008, 01:47 PM