View Full Version : [fic] Legacy of Vengeance Chapter I: Test of the Jedi

02-05-2006, 01:18 PM
Blakreyn was a 22 year old human on the planet of Coroscaunt. He lived there with his mother and two older brothers who were Jedis. Blakreyn himself was training to become one too...

Blakreyn woke up to the usual sound of machinery clanking and whirring. When he got out of bed he walked outside and his brother Darek was standing there. Darek was a Jedi Knight. He looked so powerful, standing in his brown robe with the hilt of his lightsaber at his side. "Today is the day that you will take your final test." Darek said. With that the two walked to the Jedi Academy.
They both walked inside and walked up to an elevator, taking them up to where the council was. The door opened and Blakreyn saw Master Kaylor, his other brother. Neither Darek or Blakreyn cared to much about Kaylor, because he was a very disrespectful person, but they wouldn't dare tell the council about that. "So, you have finally made it?" Kaylor asked.
"I am ready for my final test to become a Jedi." Blakreyn replied. "Then follow me." Kaylor said as he walked to the middle of the council. "Wait here." He said and sat down in one of the chairs."
The head of the council, Master Verel, a Twi'lek very powerful in the force, got up from her chair and motioned for silence. "So, Blakreyn, do you believe that you are ready to become a Jedi?" Blakreyn gulped anxiously and answered. "Yes, Master Verel." Verel sat down and another Jedi Master, Xet-ri got up.
"What is the only way you can find peace?" Xet-ri asked. Blakreyn closed his eyes and said "By clearing away your emotions." The testing continued. One Jedi Master after another, until finally, it was Kaylor's turn.
"What is a lightsaber?" Kaylor asked. He knew that Blakreyn wanted to become a jedi to use a lightsaber as a weopon of no importance, instead of a tool to protect one's self.
"A lightsaber..." Blakreyn started. "Is a weopon that signifies ones personality and emotions, varying by color and texture, to match the power of yourself."
Kaylor smiled and sat back down.....

02-06-2006, 05:09 PM
Looks like a good start. At first I thought you were going to follow the style of the Jedi trials from KOTOR. I look forward to seeing how the trials end though.

02-09-2006, 05:39 PM
Ah, whatever. I'll stay on the same thread for all chapters..

02-09-2006, 05:54 PM
Go right ahead. I'm looking forward for the next chapter. :)

02-09-2006, 05:56 PM
Verel stood up. "Blakreyn. Come before me..." "No Wait!!!" Kaylor shouted. We must discuss something first." Blakreyn scowled at Kaylor. Kaylor smiled back.
"What is it you wanted to say, Kaylor?" Verel asked.
"Just let me leave the room for a seconcd with my brother. It won't take long."
"Okay, Kaylor." Verel said and the two brothers left the room."
The two walked down a hallway and Kaylor turned to his young brother. "Okay, Bla'." Kaylor started. He always called Blakreyn Bla', even though he hated being called it. "What do you want Kaylor? Are you trying to ruin my chances to get into the council?"
Kaylor smiled again. " I just want to help you Bla'. Ok. Verel will ask you one more question. Just answer, 'to defend the galaxy'". With that Kaylor walked back to the council room.
Blakreyn knew that Kaylor was trying to trick him. So Blakreyn pondered for a second. "I've got it. I remember the question to study for. 'What will lead the Jedi astray' and the answer is 'power'. You won't trick me this time, Kaylor." Blakreyn smiled and ran back to the council room.

02-09-2006, 06:16 PM
Blakreyn entered the room. "Approach me, Blakreyn" Verel said. "I will ask you one more question.."
"I'm ready!" Blakreyn said and smirked at Kaylor.
"Alright." Verel started. Blakreyn was nervous. He Just stood there, twitching gently. "The question is, what is a Jedi's job...."
"Power!" Blakreyn shouted without thinking.
"Power!?" Kaylor asked loudly. Though he couldn't help but smiling. "I cannot believe my own brother would be this power demanding creature."
Blakreyn scowled powerfully at his brother. He knew now what his brother did. Kaylor knew he wouldn't believe him so he told the truth.
"You are not permitted into this order!" Verel said with astonishment of Blakreyn's reply. So Blakreyn walked away, broken...

02-09-2006, 06:55 PM
Hmm, i like how you undergo the trials but i think that the three chapters should combine to make the first chapter because it is the same setting. And nothing changed other than that he was not permitted in the order, which is quite funny, POWER hahah, very good start though, keep it up

02-09-2006, 08:24 PM
yeah. ok

02-10-2006, 12:53 AM
Very good. I concur and at first I wanted to laugh because he was being asking one thing and answered the question with an answer for a different one. Keep it up. :)

02-11-2006, 01:51 AM
Chapter II: A Second Chance

The nest day, in dissapointment, Blakreyn decided to take another visit to the Jedi Council to request a second chance. Darek and Kaylor were on a mission so it would be the perfect time to ask for a second chance. So Blakreyn walked back to that same room.
"What do you want, power monger?" Verel asked with a disgusted look on her face right when he opened the door. "Yes tell us why you have come here." Winez, another Jedi Master said.
"I would like to request a second chance...." Blakreyn started. Verel was enraged. He could see the look of sincere hatred in her eyes. "It wasn't my fault. Ih-ih-ih-it was Kaylor's!" Blakreyn could not believe what he just said. That would definately cost him his life when his brother hears about it.
"Kaylor's fault?" Verel asked. "How?"
Blakreyn took a deep breath. "Well, Kaylor always tricks me and.." so Blakreyn told the tale of what happened from when he first glanced over at Kaylor to when Blakreyn shouted out 'power'.
"So it was Kaylor's fault all along..." Xet-ri said. "I don't believe it. And neither should anyone on this council. He is a liar. How could we let one like him get into our peaceful order when he is blaming others for his own mistakes. "
"He is just a young boy. You can't blame him. Intelligence comes with age. Maybe when he's say.... 400!" Winez said. Xet-ri laughed but Verel just stood there, standing angrily at Blakreyn.
"Yeah, how could Kaylor do anything wrong?" Xet-ri asked.
"I, know. Kaylor's the best." Winez replied.
Verel seemed to be struggling, and finally she managed to say "Get out of this room this instance. You are no longer allowed to be within a mile of the Jedi council or any Jedi!"

02-11-2006, 02:12 AM
Sounds like the holovid trial of the Exile. All judge but no jury. Sounds to me that something is up with the council. Looks good. Keep going.
Statement: My gears are quivering with anticipation.

02-12-2006, 09:38 PM
Blakreyn just stood there, shocked. He couldn't believe it. "I said get out!" Verel said. She pulled out her yellow lightsaber. "Get out or die.."
Blakreyn backed up. Xet-ri and Winez both got up. "No one opposes the Jedi Council." Winez stated. "Or the great Kaylor." Xet-ri replied, pulling out his purple lighsaber. Winez grabbed his green lightsaber too.
"I thought the Jedi were against violence!" Blakreyn shouted. Verel knocked both Winez and Xet-ri out of the way. She screamed in anger. "I WANT YOU DEAD!!!!!!" Verel sliced through the air with Winez and Xet-ri pointing their sabers at Blakreyn. He was surrounded.
Blakreyn quickly jumped up and kicked Verel in the stomach. She flew back into Winez. Blakreyn jumped up and grabbed Verel's lightsaber ans slammed it into Xet-ri's.
When Verel and Winez got back up, Winez took out his lightsaber and swung it towards Blakreyn.
Blakreyn was blocking back and forth and when he finally reached the door of the council room he opened it. And there was Kaylor. Standing there with that smirk on his face, and a glowing blue lightsaber in his hand.

02-14-2006, 03:42 PM
Are we in a dream or did the council succumb to the Darkside? Somehow I want to say that they are being controlled by some outside force or evil. Very intriguing. Post more.

02-17-2006, 11:45 PM
Xet-ri, Winez, and Kaylor all drew out their lightsabers and pointed them at Blakreyn. Verel came up from behind them. "Surrender me your lightsaber and go. FAr away from Coroscaunt." Blakreyn had no choice. He surrendered Verel's lightsaber. "Now you are exiled away from the council, our home, and Coroscuant itself." Kaylor said. "Now scram you wicked beast."
So Blakreyn walked out of the building and trudged gloomily to the nearest station that would get him a ship to Tattoine. AS he was walking he saw Darek. "What's wrong, Blakreyn?" He asked. Suddenly Blakreyn saw something pulse in his brother's eye.
"Darek?" Blakreyn asked. Just to see if his brother was okay.
"SILENCE!" Darek shouted. "What are you doing near me? I am a Jedi, unlike you! You should be away from me you power-hungry vermin!" Darek pulled out his lightsaber after Blakreyn refused to leave. "LEAVE OR I'LL KILL YOU!!" Darek threatened. Blakreyn frightfully ran away towards the station.
So Blakreyn took a ride from Coroscaunt to Tattoine. BLakreyn was looking out the window. Softly crying at the last sight of the planet he learned to love. HE turned back around. Suddenly, he felt anger. "I must have revenge...." Blakreyn whispered. "Pilot?" Blakreyn shouted.
"Turn this ship back to Coroscuant. I have one more errand to complete...."

02-18-2006, 04:10 PM
Don't tell me he's going to the darkside! This is full of plots, twists and turns. Can't wait to see more.

02-19-2006, 06:51 AM
Chapter III A Battle of Brothers

The door of Blakreyn's house creaked open and the crisp white moonlight shone through the crack. Blakreyn slipped through. He gently tiptoed towards Darek's room. He was fast asleep. BLakreyn looked around. FInally he found a small wooden chest. He opened it and took out Darek's lightsaber.
Blakreyn quietly opened the door of Darek's room to leave when he saw his Kaylor, wide awake and staring at him. With that blue lightsaber in his hand. "What are you doing here, fool?" Kaylor asked. "You are no longer allowed on this planet. I will have to take you to.. WAIT!! What is this? You stole Darek's lightsa.." Blakreyn quickly drew out Darek's purple lightsaber and sliced at Kaylor, but Kaylor blocked it with his lightsaber. Kaylor smiled. "You will now know the pain that all enemies of the Republic have to feel."
Blakreyn attacked twice and Kaylor dodged them. Blakreyn slammed it down towards Kaylor's head but Kaylor dodged it and Blakreyn flew towards the ground. Before he could drop however, Kaylor used force grab on Blakreyn and thrw him out the windo on to the traffic-filled streets of Coroscaunt. Blakreyn saw a low-flying ship pass by so he jumped on top of it. He looked around. No sign of Kaylor.
Suddenly, Kaylor used force hump to jump all the way from his house to the ship. "Hey, it's the little victim.Kaylor used force grab on the ship underneath them. He held on tight to the ship and it suddenly flipped upside down and Blkareyn flew out of it and slammed into the solid ground.

02-23-2006, 09:28 PM
Blakreyn looked up and got pushed further into the ground by Kaylor's force push. "What's wrong!?!?!?" Kaylor screamed. "Feeling okay?" Kaylor force grabbed Blakreyn and threw him far into the city and slamming through the window of the Jedi Council meeting room. Kaylor soon landed inside also. "It's over, Bla'" He said and threw his lightsaber at Blakreyn. Blakreyn opened his long closed eyes as he grabbed the lightsaber in midair. "H-h-h-ow i-i-s thi-is-this possible?" Kaylor asked startled. "Why are you doing this?" Blakreyn asked as he lowered down his now defensless brother's lightsaber down. Kaylor sighed. "I just thought that you joining the Jedi council would be too dangerous for you.." He turned his head and looked straight up at Blakreyn. "Do you know how dad really died?"
Blakreyn was suddenly shaken. He hated whenever that subject was brought up. "A..a heart attack right?" He asked. "No.." Kaylor replied. "Along time ago, dad joined the Jedi Council. He was a skilled soldier, and was the strongest in the force at that time. He fought in the Ja' Mahian war, a war that only the Jedi and the Dark Dwellers know of. And one day, dad and his troops met up with the Dark Dweller's powerful general in an undergound tunnel in Coroscaunt, where they had a massive battle. IN the end, the Dark Dweller General met face to face with eachother. They pulled out their lightsabers. Our dad's, white, and the Dark Dweller General's, black. The Dark Dweller General charged in at dad, and when dad blocked with his own lightsaber, it just shattered and the enemy's lightsaber went right through him. That was a great loss to the Jedi, and..." Kaylor, the toughest person Blakreyn knew, started crying. "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU, BLAKREYN!!" He shouted, still crying. "I don't want you to end up like him, that's why I told you that thing about the final question, knowing you wouldn't trust me, so that you wouldn't join our dangerous organization. Darek and I are only in it to avenge dad, and hunt down the last Dark Dweller who still exists, the one who killed him. I beg of you. Please show me mercy, just don't join the Jedi! I want you safe, where there isn't any violence, and pain any suffering!"
Blakreyn looked down at his brother once again, and dropped his brother's lightsaber. "I am sorry too, for attempting to kill you. I don't know what got over me. " The two brothers cried together, and finally hugged eachother and sat there for a few minutes, crying in the dark.

02-24-2006, 02:06 PM
Interesting. I didn't expect that. I thought the whole council would come out and say all over, it was just a test. You have a knack for creating twists and turns. Keep it up. I will make a suggestion though. Try using one post for an entire chapter unless you like feeding us the events through every plot. Still looks good.

02-24-2006, 06:17 PM
The two stood there, finally stoppping their crying. "Now leave at once, before..." Kaylor started, but it was too late. Verel walked through the door. "What is going on here?" She turned to Blakrenyn. He was the only one there. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE BANISHED FROM THIS PLANET!" She shouted. Blakreyn turned around and his brother was gone. "Now this time I will make sure you leave and I don't care what happens to you.. YOU'RE NEVER COMING BACK!" Verel used stasis on Blakreyn and kept him still.
Verel took him all the way to the station, where she talked to the guards. "If this child ever comes back, kill him without hesitation." She said and turned to Blakreyn, who was just being able to move again. "Wait!" He said, as they were about to put him on the ship. "Where is he?" Verel looked at him strangely. "Where is who?" She asked.
"The last of the Dark Dwellers." Blakreyn said. "How did you know about Ja' Mahian War?" Verel asked, but before he could answer, he suddenly fell asleep.....

02-25-2006, 12:14 AM
I thought the Jedi didn't believe in killing their prisoners nor were capable of giving such harsh sentence except for cutting one off from the Force. Still it's goin' good. Keep posting.

02-25-2006, 11:42 AM
Chapter IV An Empire Collapsed

When Blakreyn woke up he was on a strange planet. He looked around him. All he could see was sand. 'Tattoine' he thought and started walking. 'At least my aunt lives here, she'll be ale to help me out.' He continued walking, but found no civilization. "Where is everybody?" He shouted. "Do you hear me?" There was no reply. It was getting dark, so Blakreyn thought he'd rest for the night. He didn't see anything in the distance so he decided to lay down where he was.
The second he lay down, he felt a rumbling and quickly got back up. Suddenly, the ground cracked poen and he could see a cave that led underground. "Hello!" He shouted. "Is anyone down there?" There was silence. But then he thought he heard something. SOon the thing that he heard turned out to be a voice.
"Are you here to save me or are you just one of te Dark Dwellers?" The voice shouted. Blakreyn immediately rushed inside and saw a person crouched in a corner of the cave. "What do you know about the Dark Dwellers?" Blakreyn asked. The person turned around. "Why do you want to know?" The person asked. So Blakreyn described to him everything that happened and everything he heard.
"So..uh.. What's your name?" Blakreyn asked. "I'm Mave" He said. "And I'm sure you would like to here how I got here too."
Blakreyn started unlocking Mave, who was in force chains. "Yes please, tell me what happened." MAve took a deep breath. "OKay, I used to live on the planet Coroscaunt as a Jedi. I fought under the leadership of my mentor, Reyshik." Blakreyn suddenly jumped back, startled. "Reyshik was my father!" He shouted.
Mave looked at him straight in the eye. "Well you will be the only one to stop the evil that has been infecting this planet and soon... THE GALAXY!"

02-27-2006, 06:02 PM
"Let me tell you more about the Ja' Mahian War." Mave started. "Along time ago, the Sith had a secret Civil War. Afterwords, anew society of the Sith emerged. The Dark Dwellers. They were so powerful. More powerful than any society before them. They secretly conquered planets like Korriban, Dantooine, and Mustafar. The first dynasty was called the Malik dynasty, named after their legendary hero. The second was the Yaze dynasty, where the Dark Dwellers finally conquered Dantoine and wiped out alot of Jedi and Sith. After that was the Shraque dynasty and more. Finally, a short bit after your father became the head of the Jedi, a new dynasty was started, the Ja' Mahian Dynasty. The leader of the Dark Dwellers at that time was Ja' Mahia, and he started setting out plans to attack the Jedi from the underground base in Coroscaunt. But before they could attack, your dad and I charged in for war to end the Dark Dweller's reign of terror." Mave turned to Blakreyn, who was litening carefully the whole time. "Sometimes the Jedi just have to start a fight, even though it is not the way of a Jedi. But anyways, the Jedi attacked the Dark Dwellers' base a countless number of times and there were many battles underground but no civilian knew about these battles. So soon, Ja' Mahia learned a new power of the force like no other. Well, no other except you." Blakreyn jumped back.
"What kind of power is that?" He asked. "Let me finish the story." Mave said instead of a reply. Okay, so the Dark Dwellers and the Jedi met in this one tunnel underground Coroscaunt where an old docking bay used to be. The two armies fought a huge battle there. Then finally, as I was fighting off a Dark Dweller I looked over and I saw a moment that changed my life. It was a horrible, dreadful moment. Ja' Mahia and your father were face to face. Ja' Mahia pulled out his lightsaber, as black as coal, and your father pulled out his, as white as snow and then... I watche my master die as his extremely powerful lightsaber was just shattered..... It was horrible. So after that incident the battle was won and there was only one Dark Dweller left, Ja' Mahia and he imprisoned me in these runis of a lost emipire ever since. Now tell me child, do you know where that one last Dark Dweller, Ja' Mahia is now?" Blakreyn sat back. "No, that's what I'm looking for." He said and the two thought for a moment. "Hey." Blakreyn said. "What power is it that you said I have? And how do you know?"

12-04-2008, 01:37 PM