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View Full Version : Raz's Life: Chapter 4 (PT. 1)


zelda 41
02-20-2006, 09:32 AM
Chapter 4: Resue Lili

"Lili! Sasha!"

Raz was determined to find them, but he didn't have any help and didn't have any phy powers. But then, just as he was turning to head back, Lili started screaming.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HELP ME RAZ, HE'S TAKING MY BRAIN!!!!!!!! " Just as she screamed that, her brain was taken and Sasha was in the conner yelping. He was tied up! But,how was Sasha was taking Lili's brain out!?!

"What the hell?" Raz muttered

To be continued in part 2

Not End of Chapter 4

KingCheez
02-20-2006, 01:15 PM
WHAT THE ****!? ONE CHAPTER.

AND THIS IS A PUBLIC ****ING MESSAGE BOARD, SO TAKE YOUR WARNING AND SHOVE IT. IF YOU DON'T WANT IT TO BE FLAMEBAIT, DON'T POST IT HERE.

IT WAS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIQUE, WE'VE TOLD YOU FIVE ****ING TIMES YOU ONLY NEED ONE TOPIC, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT SMON AND DARTHAVE BUT I'M SURE THE STORY WOULD BE MUCH MORE TOLERABLE IF YOU PAYED THE **** ATTENTION AND ONLY MADE ONE TOPIC.


...phew.

Smon
02-20-2006, 01:39 PM
Hey Zelda, ever heard of a, um oh I don't know... edit button? Or the MOTHA 4^(#ING REPLY BUTTON?!?!?!?

KingCheez
02-20-2006, 01:40 PM
See that nice pretty "start a new thread" button?

DON'T ****ING CLICK IT. >:\

Smon
02-20-2006, 01:47 PM
See that nice pretty "start a new thread" button?

DON'T ****ING CLICK IT. >:\
...IDEA'D!

I shall pay Bowyer from SMRPG to shoot the new thread button on Zelda's computer! That way it'll be locked until he shoots a different button.

KingCheez
02-20-2006, 01:53 PM
Sweet.

I should go... uh, borrow from my friend, SMRPG again.

Megan
02-20-2006, 05:28 PM
You need to learn to take some criticism. Even authors take criticism from their friends and editors. It's not fun, but it helps. The story's not very bad, but is severely lacking in details that bring a story to life, and the chapters are way too short to be an actual chapter. The story needs some spice, something unique and mysterious or exciting, depending on what kind of story you're writing. And, you can put this whole story under one topic. There's no need to make a new topic for every chapter, especially considering how many times you've been instructed not to. Not trying to sound witchy...

zelda 41
02-20-2006, 06:02 PM
I couldn't type long because my dumb butt brother kicked me off.

Smon
02-20-2006, 06:05 PM
I couldn't type long because my dumb butt brother kicked me off.
So? You don't have to make a new thread each time, just post a reply to the first (or in your case, third) topic.

zelda 41
02-20-2006, 06:31 PM
All right. I'm done with this story. It just... sucked. Tell King Cheez and Darth_Ave, would ya. :)

KingCheez
02-20-2006, 07:36 PM
Uh, we can read.

We don't want you not to continue it, just one ****ing thread and one is all.

zelda 41
02-20-2006, 07:42 PM
I'm still done. Storywriting: not my thing

Smon
02-20-2006, 07:45 PM
I'm still done. Storywriting: not my thing
...thne why are you sending a story to Oxytoxin?

Klia
02-21-2006, 03:25 PM
Heh. This board is so going on Fandom_Wank.

KingCheez
02-21-2006, 06:06 PM
DON'T FORGET THE SASHARAZ MAKERS THAT I HARASSED OUT OF ALL PLEASURE OF LIFE

zelda 41
02-22-2006, 07:58 PM
lol. I'm sending it in because I have an old one I wrote and had fixed 5 friggin times. IT'S PERFECT I TELL YOU!! PERFECT!!!!

DarthAve
02-22-2006, 09:20 PM
It's not nice to yell at us you noob. You could be out, Heidi Clum says so.

"In message boarding, either you're in or you're out."

Klia
02-23-2006, 03:13 PM
It's not nice to yell at us you noob. You could be out, Heidi Clum says so.

"In message boarding, either you're in or you're out."

Darth_Ave, that's so over.

Now I think we should stop spamming these boards with "STOPZ IT ZOMG!!1elventy1!!!11!

Smon
02-23-2006, 03:42 PM
Darth_Ave, that's so over.

Now I think we should stop spamming these boards with "STOPZ IT ZOMG!!1elventy1!!!11!
Yes agreed... we should just banish it. Someone go fetch the banishment stones.

KingCheez
02-23-2006, 03:55 PM
I kind of lost the banishment stones. We were playing Banishment Dodgeball.

Smon
02-23-2006, 04:27 PM
I kind of lost the banishment stones. We were playing Banishment Dodgeball.
Oh well that's just great, what're we supposed to banish it with now? Summoning stones? Nice work Cheez, now we can't banish it.

Eh... we could... uh... put police tape on it.

KingCheez
02-23-2006, 04:46 PM
We wrapped up Jon's birthday present with that

Smon
02-23-2006, 06:05 PM
We wrapped up Jon's birthday present with that
....uhoh... that's why his house has that dead kitten smell.

DarthAve
02-23-2006, 08:24 PM
Darth_Ave, that's so over.
That's not over. It doesn't end until March 8th, when season 2 is over. So ~Ha~

Klia
02-23-2006, 08:45 PM
That's not over. It doesn't end until March 8th, when season 2 is over. So ~Ha~
:marx1:

DarthAve
02-23-2006, 09:24 PM
Don't Marx me Klia. I'll take you down. I am a champion.

zelda 41
02-24-2006, 04:20 PM
Sure you will.

DarthAve
02-24-2006, 05:18 PM
Don't question my greatness. Have YOU ever won the caption game zelda? OH! Didn't think so, bitch. And I bet none of you have won the geography bee, proveing that I am smarter than all the stupid jocks who make fun of me.

Mashi An'krekku
02-26-2006, 06:53 AM
I won a spelling bee once.

zelda 41
02-26-2006, 03:18 PM
Okay Darth, what's 567x84?

Smon
02-26-2006, 06:25 PM
Okay Darth, what's 567x84?
That's math, not geography.

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 06:55 PM
Ohhh, vocabulor burn!

Oh and P.S., It's 47,628. I'm in advance math too. so, OWNED!!!

Smon
02-26-2006, 06:58 PM
Ohhh, vocabulor burn!

Oh and P.S., It's 47,628. I'm in advance math too. so, OWNED!!!
Just because someone can flaunt math ability doesn't mean they should:
http://supermath.ytmnd.com/

zelda 41
02-26-2006, 06:58 PM
Crap........

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 07:01 PM
Ok Smon, that was weird..... BUT!!! Zelda. Lay off, or we'll tell Huz of your evilness to everyone and you'll be

BANISHED!! ~Duh, duh, dun~

zelda 41
02-26-2006, 07:10 PM
I'LL BE GOOD!!! PLEASE DON'T TELL HUZ!! *cry*

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 07:12 PM
Ok, but you gotta do the Daniel Franco Shuffle.

zelda 41
02-26-2006, 07:17 PM
Huh? Whats that?

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 07:18 PM
You don't know what the Danial Franco Shuffle is? Well then, you gotta start watching your project runway girl.

zelda 41
02-26-2006, 07:29 PM
what's that? <- cluless

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 07:31 PM
You don't know what project runway is???? OMG, you suck so much. You're not even worthy of a Santino burn.

zelda 41
02-26-2006, 07:36 PM
Please explain. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 07:42 PM
No, you're deemed NOT WORTHY!

Smon
02-26-2006, 07:43 PM
Please explain. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!
SHUN.

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 09:37 PM
Yes, still not worthy.