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DarthAve
02-25-2006, 07:57 PM
It sounds weird, but I'll give you advice, and it's cheaper than calling the Psychic Hotline.

I'll take your problems.

KingCheez
02-25-2006, 07:59 PM
Nobody wants your advice. You'll just laugh at their problems.

KingCheez
02-25-2006, 08:03 PM
Wait. I do.

I have this annoying person I know, not really a friend, that is starting an advice topic like yours, on a web forum I go to. How can I tell them they're an idiot and the internet is just for downloading and discussing illegal software?

Klia
02-25-2006, 08:47 PM
Dear Ave:

My boss keeps on making innappropriate comments to me at work. I like working for him but I think he has a thing for me.Should I sue him or sit on his lap like he says?

-Klia

DarthAve
02-25-2006, 09:16 PM
Dear Ave:

My boss keeps on making innappropriate comments to me at work. I like working for him but I think he has a thing for me.Should I sue him or sit on his lap like he says?

-Klia
Dear Klia

This is a highly popular problem I'm asked with, except it's the math teacher. I say you ask him out, and turn into the psycho obsessive girlfriend. He'll dump you, and you'll be free of your creepy boss. That, or take in a slutty friend of your to work one day and hook the two of them up.

-Avery

DarthAve
02-25-2006, 09:18 PM
Wait. I do.

I have this annoying person I know, not really a friend, that is starting an advice topic like yours, on a web forum I go to. How can I tell them they're an idiot and the internet is just for downloading and discussing illegal software?
Dear Cheez,

I say you go keep your opinions to yourself. Having opinions in life and expressing them will only get you killed in a driveby.

-Avery

Samuel Dravis
02-25-2006, 09:31 PM
Dear Ave,

I recently tried to write a songish-type-thing, but failed miserably. Unfortunately I somehow ended up listening to emo songs (I seriously have no idea how that happened), and now I feel like chopping my ears off with scissors. What should I do?

-Samuel

DarthAve
02-25-2006, 09:50 PM
Dear Ave,

I recently tried to write a songish-type-thing, but failed miserably. Unfortunately I somehow ended up listening to emo songs (I seriously have no idea how that happened), and now I feel like chopping my ears off with scissors. What should I do?

-Samuel
Dear Samual,

I can see you're probably down. Why don't you look up some funny online videos, like the Numa Numa dance or the Kitty Kat Dance. Or..... Here is a like to Santino's(from Rroject Runway) website. It's got some laughs for a Project Runway Fan or not

www.santinorice.com

Smon
02-25-2006, 10:16 PM
Dear Ave Bad,

Venture Bros. season 2 comes out in June, how should I prepare,

Crapfully yours,
-Smon

DarthAve
02-25-2006, 10:28 PM
Dear Ave Bad,

Venture Bros. season 2 comes out in June, how should I prepare,

Crapfully yours,
-Smon
Dear Smon,

I say you shpuld prepare yourself by making a countdown calender and watching all the episodes you can cram into your TV viewing schedual.

-Ave

Samuel Dravis
02-25-2006, 11:56 PM
Wow, Ave! I feel better already just thinking about Numa Numa Man! Thanks, I will recommend you to everyone I know. :D

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 12:06 AM
I know, now you pay me..... you know what I want...

http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/files/santino_cometodaddy.mp3
Oh, ya'll know I was just trying to find an excuse to use this Santino clip.

Samuel Dravis
02-26-2006, 12:18 AM
I wish I could, but I already gave my soul to these guys (http://www.wewantyoursoul.com/). Sorry. :(

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 12:23 AM
Oh rats, well, I just wanted to find an excues to use that sound clip. If you're new to the Razputin's Domain boards, let me tell you this....

http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/files/kara_crazy.mp3

Samuel Dravis
02-26-2006, 12:33 AM
I guess playing Pychonauts does that to you. :D
I mostly hang around the Jediknight and offtopic forums, so yeah, I'm not from around here. :p

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 12:58 AM
Yeah, I just hope you haven't read 'the fanfiction' yet. I f**** a person up, completly.

zelda 41
02-26-2006, 08:50 PM
Dear Darth_Ave,
Everyone hates me and I wish
they didn't. What should I do to
tell them I'm sorry and not get kicked
off of the foarm?

-Zelda

Smon
02-26-2006, 08:52 PM
Dear Darth_Ave,
Everyone hates me and I wish
they didn't. What should I do to
tell them I'm sorry and not get kicked
off of the foarm?

-Zelda
"*ahem*

Dear Zelda,

You should go home and eat some dirt.

Then you will totally be cool.

-Darth_Ave

*cough*"

....my ventriloquism rules...

DarthAve
02-26-2006, 10:34 PM
Oh, what did I just hit my head on???

Psychochaos3
03-02-2006, 08:14 PM
Dear Darth,
I hate puppets. And I don't know why. Why do I hate puppets?
Here's your payment.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Carrey

DarthAve
03-02-2006, 10:29 PM
Dear Psychochaos,

You probably hate puppets becahse either,
1. You've had some bad expierences with puppets
or,
2. You've just seen some wacked up puppets in your lifetime.

Psychochaos3
03-04-2006, 11:17 PM
Dear Psychochaos,

You probably hate puppets becahse either,
1. You've had some bad expierences with puppets
or,
2. You've just seen some wacked up puppets in your lifetime.
Thanks. I feel relieved. Now that I know why(it was the second one. turns out I watched Chucky when I was 5) I can live with my hatred.

DarthAve
03-04-2006, 11:57 PM
No problem in helping!! Told you I was good, Cheez! You man-whore.

Halo_92
03-23-2007, 02:04 PM
My ass hurts.

Det. Bart Lasiter
03-23-2007, 02:09 PM
Yeah from last night. Oh burned so bad.

Davinq
03-23-2007, 03:20 PM
Ave, do you know what the hell a 'benefriend' is?

DarthAve
03-23-2007, 04:13 PM
Dear Davinq,

A 'Benefriend" is probably a friend with benefits.

Darth_Ave

Halo_92
03-23-2007, 06:45 PM
Those r cool.

St. Jimmy
03-23-2007, 06:57 PM
Dear Ave,

I'm Hungry. What should I do?

St. Jimmy

Davinq
03-23-2007, 07:06 PM
Dear Ave,

Jimmy's back. What should I do?

~Dav

DarthAve
03-23-2007, 07:25 PM
Dear Ave,

I'm Hungry. What should I do?

St. Jimmy
Dear Jimmy,

Walk to the fridge and get some cheese or somthing. I like cheese, mabe you could make a sandwich. Or a bowl of cereal. Whatever floats your boat.

Avery

St. Jimmy
03-23-2007, 07:30 PM
Dear Ave,

Cheese by itself? .... Cereal is the devil's creation. And there's nothing to put on a sandwich, except maybe some vegemite... Cheese is sounding good..

Jimmy.

DarthAve
03-23-2007, 07:59 PM
Dear Ave,

Jimmy's back. What should I do?

~Dav
Dear Davinq,

Celebrate my friend! now is a time for jubuliation! And parties!

Ave

St. Jimmy
03-23-2007, 08:11 PM
I'll second that notion!

turtlefreak
03-23-2007, 11:02 PM
Dear Ave,
read the HEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEE! Thread
what do you think?
-Lex

DarthAve
04-15-2007, 03:07 PM
I NEVER LEAVE A QUESTION UNANSWERED!!

Dear Turtle,

Just do some freeform or somthing. Maybe write a rap.

Avery

Poopdogjr
04-17-2007, 02:12 AM
I haven't been visisting here as often and feel that I may be losing touch with the RD lifestyle. So I guess my question is: What time is it in china-land RIGHT NOW?

P.S. I really do think I'm losing touch with RD.

St. Jimmy
04-17-2007, 04:56 AM
So come here more often....

DarthAve
04-17-2007, 07:06 PM
~sigh~

Dear Ave,

I'm really sad lately,

Love, Ave.

Davinq
04-17-2007, 09:24 PM
emo

Psychochaos3
04-17-2007, 09:35 PM
~sigh~

Dear Ave,

I'm really sad lately,

Love, Ave.
*Ahem**cough*

Dear Ave,
You should try to find something odd to do. Like
finger exercises or card houses. You know what,
forget the card houses. Try God of War 2
, from Ave

Why do I sound like Mr.Rogers?

Psychochaos3
04-17-2007, 09:39 PM
emo
Sad people aren't emo. everybody feel sad once in a while.

Emos are sad because they want to be.

DarthAve
04-17-2007, 10:20 PM
emo
:spinnaz: :spinnaz: THEY SEE ME ROLLIN ,THEY HATIN'! CONTROLIN AND TRYIN TO CATCH ME RIDIN DIRRRRRTY! :spinnaz: :spinnaz:

I feel better already!

Das Mole
04-17-2007, 10:36 PM
dear ave,

i want to be able to pop, lock, and drop it but my thighs aren't thick enough. what should i do?

lvoe, das

DarthAve
04-17-2007, 10:41 PM
Dear Das,

Either foam padding, or McDonalds.

Luvz, Ave

zelda 41
04-18-2007, 09:55 PM
Dear ave,
i feel very emo and depressed

wat do i do?

~zel

DarthAve
04-18-2007, 10:03 PM
Dear Zelda

Take a listen (http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1124)

Ave!

REDJOHNNYMIKE
04-19-2007, 01:24 AM
Dear Darth_Ave,
What do you think of this? (http://www.dewalt.com/us/products/tool_detail.asp?productID=13594)
I am very confused as to wether I should go with the Icecream or listen to my hubcaps and upgrade my potato couch pictured in that link?

Jae Onasi
04-19-2007, 01:28 AM
You could always go for both, RJM. :D

REDJOHNNYMIKE
04-19-2007, 01:29 AM
But that would be benevolent to both of them, and I hold grudges excessively

Jae Onasi
04-19-2007, 01:51 AM
You gotta go with icecream then because I have the finest recipe for chocolate sauce from my saucy grandma who taught me to say the s-word and who told me dirty jokes to corrupt my mind. :D

REDJOHNNYMIKE
04-19-2007, 01:53 AM
That's why she's awesome!
Oh, she also wanted me to tell you thanks for the new sheets you sent, they really helped out a lot!:D

Poopdogjr
04-20-2007, 01:27 PM
Dear Ave, what time is it?

Ray Jones
04-20-2007, 03:37 PM
As of now, it is now.

DarthAve
04-20-2007, 03:41 PM
Dear Poopdog.

In the eastern time zone, it is 2:41 P.M. when this message was posted

milo
04-20-2007, 04:13 PM
Dear Avery:

Okay here is my problem.

Prom is about a week away and I really wasn't planning on going because it's costs like hella cash. The other day though, this chick (who I'm almost positive is stalking me) calls me up and asks me to ask her to prom. She comes up with these reasons like "My boss is a jerk and he'll make me work that night if I don't have a date for prom, and besides you owe me a date anyway since you stood me up that one time" (which i did LULZ). So I tell her I don't want to go and she's like "Henry you HAVE TO GO WITH ME" and I'm like "tell you what I'll think about it." She says "okay but you have to tell me in a day or two."

My question: How do I tell her to **** off in a polite way? I know if I'm really rude she'll turn into crazy psycho bitch and try and steal my stuff (she already did once, she stole my calculator, my history book, and some other stuff that I need). I just need a way to tell her I'm not interested and to leave me alone, but in a way that she won't get pissed.

Tankya much Ave.

milo~

DarthAve
04-20-2007, 07:58 PM
Dear Milo...ohhh that's a toughie.

I think that you shouldmaybe write her a letter explaining that you're just to emotional for me, that you have important plans on prom night(Make somthing up, you're a good liar), and that you think that upon going to prom she'd have a horrible time with you because you'd probably come half drunk, and give your friends hugs instead of you, and dance with many other girls.(Examples taken from my life, thank you) The best way to get a stalker is to scare them away with visions of their perfect match being a complete mess. But if all else fails, you learn that on Wednesday night, your dearest Grandmother who gave you Mentos and let you watch PG movies as a yound child, had complications in her sleep and passed. The night of prom, you say you canceled your plans and needed some alone time to think. If she offers to stay with you, repete the word alone a lot.

Miss_Mayhem
04-21-2007, 01:48 AM
Best advice evar!

Dear Darth,

Strapped for cash, and too young for work, and parents are dishing out on car-repairs. How can I roll in the green? Or at least have enough to buy all the eletronics and shiney dangly earrings I dont need but want?

Sincerely, fellow team Moderator.

milo
04-21-2007, 02:51 AM
Dear Milo...ohhh that's a toughie.

I think that you shouldmaybe write her a letter explaining that you're just to emotional for me, that you have important plans on prom night(Make somthing up, you're a good liar), and that you think that upon going to prom she'd have a horrible time with you because you'd probably come half drunk, and give your friends hugs instead of you, and dance with many other girls.(Examples taken from my life, thank you) The best way to get a stalker is to scare them away with visions of their perfect match being a complete mess. But if all else fails, you learn that on Wednesday night, your dearest Grandmother who gave you Mentos and let you watch PG movies as a yound child, had complications in her sleep and passed. The night of prom, you say you canceled your plans and needed some alone time to think. If she offers to stay with you, repete the word alone a lot.
I'm not sure about a letter, but the grandma dying excuse sounds pretty good. Of course then she'd feel sorry for me and the solution would only be temporary. ;_;

I think I just need a restraining order.

Samnmax221
04-21-2007, 05:12 AM
My question: How do I tell her to **** off in a polite way? I know if I'm really rude she'll turn into crazy psycho bitch and try and steal my stuff (she already did once, she stole my calculator, my history book, and some other stuff that I need). I just need a way to tell her I'm not interested and to leave me alone, but in a way that she won't get pissed.
Well now, I happen to know all about dealing with bitches of the psycho variety. Honestly being rude is the only way she'll ever learn. Of course other suggestions involve telling her you're Jewish and that you have a "Jew thing" scheduled for that night (Hopefully she knows nothing about Judaism), or you could join the Army (They're not too picky at the moment).

REDJOHNNYMIKE
04-21-2007, 01:48 PM
@Miss Mayhem, You could always do things for the admins...

Miss_Mayhem
04-21-2007, 06:34 PM
I sense too much implied innuendo to take that seriously...

@ Milo: restraining order = win. If not tho, go all emo or act all masochist and pervy. Of course, faking any type of religion thing could work, but would likely send you plummeting torwards the gates of hell. If you have to lie about going somewhere, at least make it a half truth and actually go somewhere, just not where you told her you'd be.

Hallucination
04-21-2007, 06:57 PM
Dear Ave,

I have a creepy grade 8 girl whose name I can't pronounce stalking me and hugging me whenever any of my friends are nearby. How do I politely tell her she's a flat-chested grade 8 with a stupid name who should stop stalking me 'cause she's ****ing creeping me out.

Thanks in advance,

Hall

@Milo: Dress up like Franz Ferdinand with 3 friends and walk around the prom pretending to be drunk (or actually be drunk) singing 'Do you want to' all night long.

DarthAve
04-21-2007, 11:05 PM
Dress up like Franz Ferdinand with 3 friends and walk around the prom pretending to be drunk (or actually be drunk) singing 'Do you want to' all night long.
"WELL DO YA? DO YA, DO YA WANNA?"

Advice from me will be tomarrow, I'm sleepy as hell cause I've been up since 6 30.