(FIC)Kotor 2: The Good ending

[pokejedi123]

ok i published the same thing on Kotorfanmedia.com.this is the ending that makes the Original ending and mixes it with a new ending:

Few hours later after the Jedi Council was stunned by Kreia a Jedi walked in."Dammit Korna,what have you done.""Oh,wait.......That was the work of a Sith.Maybe its Kreia."The Talker was Timmy Marong,one of the final Living Jedi."I better Go to Trayus core."Marong taked his ship and Flyed to Trayus Core."Oh god,The EH Crew.Damn You,Traya!!!!!"I better get them back to health".After getting the crew back to health,Marong left a letter to the exile.Then when Bao Dur waked up,he talked with him a little and Marong flyed to Dantoiine Jedi Temple.Then he left a note to the Jedi Council.It said:"Hi this is me,Jedi Master Timmy Marong.You will remember me.The Ebon Hawk crew is back to health,when the exile comes back with Atton Rand,she will be suprised,but i have left her a note.Sincerly yours.Master Timmy Marong. Then he flew to Alderaan Station 9.When the exile returned,he was suprised to find the crew healthy.Then Bao dur gave her a letter:Hiya Korna,remeber me?No,well Its Me,Timmy Marong.I were a soldier back at the Mandalorian Wars....but i was an exiled jedi master....say hello to atton for me ,eh?ok.......if you find revan,can you give him..the jedi part of his memory...bya..theExile smiled,and then the exile and the other guys flyed away to search Revan...

tehn endah!!!! :D
(Timmy Marong is my charater that i created)
(Korna Kidra Was My Exile on K2)

Edit:Fixed(stupid me.Thx for the heads up.)

[Meatbag]

Slow down. It is faaaar too rushed, don't write so fast and muddled, I have no idea what's going on. Don't try to write as fast as you think.
GRAMMAR
SPELLING

[gandiva]

I think you should rewrite that ending. It's full of run-on sentences and well... yes... I agree with Meatbag: bad grammar. Maybe if you fiix it up, people might understand what's happening.

[JediMaster12]

I agree. You show slow down and give more detail. It doesn't hurt to describe feelings or what one character sees. I brings a more vivid picture into the mind. Writing is like trying to describe the scenery to a blind person, you have to include things that one would normally see visually. Take that into mind because I got a jumble of images but no clear direction as to where it is heading when I read it. The idea is good but you need to bring it out more.

[Jae Onasi]

I'm always up for a happy ending. :)

[cookie12]

it was alrite besides the grammer and the mush

[JediMaster12]

Huh? I'm sorry what did you mean pokejedi123?

[machievelli]

read

[Darth_Yuthura]

read

Huh? You seriously recommend people read this?

Or did you mean 'read' as in its past tense?

[Bee Hoon]

Mach is going through old fics which may have been missed in his reviews. So yes, it is read in past tense, as this is how he is keeping track of the ones he has read.