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Scorpicus
05-09-2006, 02:09 AM
I was bored, lonely and pretty much depressed Sunday afternoon :( so I gave myself the challenge of making a short film in four hours- nothing like a bit of creative thinking to lift the mood. :smilehug: Four hours later this was the result: The Cross Word Puzzle Scam of Don Copal (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9k4ksT0URA&search=grim%20Fandango)

The dialog is a bit hard to understand (I was using a camera that could only record 30 seconds at a time and couldn't record sound, so I had to record the dialog separately) so listen carefully. :ears1: It starts off: The life of a private eye is not for everyone, and as I climbed that rope of ties...

Enjoy!

Scorpicus
07-09-2006, 02:00 PM
Well guys I have a special treat for you all. The Don Copal short - but this time you can hear the dialog!!

I re-recorded the sound so it is of a much better quality. You can view version 2 here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bK-DYT0YLU). Feedback would be fantastic.

itchythesamurai
07-09-2006, 04:15 PM
Well, crossword puzzles are mentioned briefly in Grim Fandango. I liked the plaque scene and the ties alright, but you definitely have some room for improvement.

Trust me, that turned out as a lot nicer feedback than it would have for somebody with terrible English.

Scorpicus
07-09-2006, 04:56 PM
I'd rather have harsh constructive feedback than nice not gonna help me feedback. Come on, tell me how I can improve! Share some wisdom dammit! Don't worry about being "hurtful". Lay it on me!

itchythesamurai
07-09-2006, 05:19 PM
Alright, I didn't like the voice you were trying to pull off. And the video quality was way poor. And I couldn't really understand a lot of what you were saying. It lacked enthusiasm and professionalism and wasn't engaging or entertaining. I didn't care about the characters. And it felt rushed. And it made me feel like you are in your low teens with a crappy webcam going around your house talking. Poor prop construction. Happy?

Samnmax221
07-09-2006, 06:41 PM
Well you could start smoking to lower that voice alittle, wait bad idea.

Scorpicus
07-10-2006, 05:50 AM
Alright, I didn't like the voice you were trying to pull off. And the video quality was way poor. And I couldn't really understand a lot of what you were saying. It lacked enthusiasm and professionalism and wasn't engaging or entertaining. I didn't care about the characters. And it felt rushed. And it made me feel like you are in your low teens with a crappy webcam going around your house talking. Poor prop construction. Happy?

Xcellent!

O.k better props, better video, better sets, better accents, better everything, check!

And that's not my voice! I don't act in these things! Thats what younger siblings are for!

The dialogue was still inaudible? Damn. You know what I'll post the script:

The life of a private eye, it's not for everyone. And as I climbed that rope of ties I wondered if it was for me. Should I have left town years ago, headed for Rubacava, the sea of lament and finally the ninth underworld? Well, this morning I was gonna do just that, that was until I recieved a phone call from a guy called Limones. He seemed to think there was some kind of plot, an evil scheme going on up at the DOD. I don't know why I decided to take on the case then and I still don't know why now. But something at the back of my mind told me that this case could change the land of the dead forever. Something had already been revealed to me as I climbed that rope of ties: the employees were colour blind.

After having an encounter with the pidgeons that I... I... I don't really want to talk about... I made it through an open window into the corridor. Now I had to start searching for clues.

(Pulls off plaque reading store cupboard, then office of Manuel Calevera, broom cupboard, office of Domino Hurley,office of Adolf Hitler, office of Darth Vader,plaque making department and finally office of salvador Limones)

Well, now I knew how Salvador Limones had conections to the DOD. I could'nt open the door - stacks of boxes kept it shut. Stacks of boxes containing cross word puzzles... my first clue!

Further down along the corridor I found the secrataries desk. The perfect place to continue unraveling the deceit of the DOD. Inside the draw I found a jar of peanut butter... crunchy. A spanish phrase book - always suspicious. A long chain of paperclips and my second clue to the atrocities being commited. The details of all expenditures of the DOD that last year. Nothing of the crossword puzzles; mostly packs of cards, boxing equipment and Jazz CDs. Slowly the vindictive plot was becoming clear to me. I just needed the final piece of the puzzle and I knew where to find it.

(Plaque reads: Don Copal - the big boss)

After getting over the initial fear of drowning in paper, I stepped into the room. My eagle eye sockets spotted a letter addressed to Don Copal... personally. The letter explained it all. How Don Copal had dealings with a Hector Lemans. How Lemans had broken into countless amounts of innocent crossword factories, stolen the crosswords and was using the DOD as a place to store the stolen goods. It was worse than I had ever imagined.

I had to get the news out there, I had to reveal the corruption of the DOD! But I think that even then I knew... that I would not.

itchythesamurai
07-10-2006, 07:50 AM
Well the inclusion of child labor bumped it up a little in my opinion. And I guess I'm glad you made a video instead of just a straight-up fan fiction because those give me the willies.