View Full Version : Echo 13 vs The Element of the Force

05-26-2006, 01:31 PM
This story is set in my own parrelle universe I made for the pure hell of it.

Long time ago in a galaxy far away

Star Wars
After the Battle of Endor went horribly wrong; for the allaince
due to Ewok who turned on the alliance and slatured the rebel
heros. The make matters worse the great Jedi hero, Luke
Skywalker joined the dark side with Emperor Palpatine and
Darth Vader.

To the alliances horror, the Death Star II was complete
and headed for there base of operations: Manaan.
The alliance put up an honourable fight and managed
to destroy the fleet protecting the Death Star, but
after that, the Death Star II used it's destructive
weapons to destroy all of the alliances fleet.

Fortunately, after using it's main weapons, the Death Star II needed
to recharge weapon batteries. And at a particular moment
during the recharge, the Death Star's shield would go down
for a minutes. Not long before the shield go down ship exited
hyperspace to confront the massive space station

The ships belonged to a small faction known as Zanzibar Land.
They had a few run ins with the empire and hated everything it
stood for. The faction's soldiers were mainly greatly modified
droids used by the Trade Federation. These ships were created
to fire thousands powerful missiles at space stations
and capital ships.

The Zanzibar ships -using powerful weapons capably fired upon the
Death Star but only to dent it. As the recharge finished
the Death Star II opened fire upon Manaan. However, during the
short time when the Zanzibars fired apon the Death Star II, they
placed a virus to cause the Death Star to manlfunction.

As so much the empire effort and credits went into its construction
that the Empire was weakened. Soon, Rebel Alliance and
Zanzibar Land took over Coruscant and soon liberated
the rest of the galaxy. The New Republic quickly formed and Zanzibar
became it's greatest Ally, often supplying it with ships and droids.

|-Current Day- 50 ABV-|
|-Location- Trade Rout to Zanzibar Land-|

Squad- Echo 13-
Commander--Jack Goren
2nd commander--Steven Wolfe
Marine- David Dunn
Marine- Samantha Trent
Marine- John Ranger
Background- A crack team of Republic Marines who are skilled with hostile ship takeover.

Squad- Element of the Force
Commander- Air- Aereo
2nd Command- Lighting- Trovao
Ice- Gelo
Fire- Madura
Light- Luz
Life- Vida
Background- A group of exiled Jedi who began working for the Republic Navy. Each menber has their power tuned to a certain element. They are also the bad guys of the story.


I will hopefully post the first chapter tonight but If I don't I will on monday.
I also hope writers block doesn't come half way through and I hope that you guys enjoy my story.

I apologise that this post is a bit boring but the buttens that makes thing fancy aren’t working for me. Sorry.

05-26-2006, 03:21 PM
forget fancy, your plot is great, but you could do some grammar editing, you know. tip: use MS Word.
i know for sure that Hall is going to freak out here :D

Diego Varen
05-26-2006, 03:24 PM
I have to agree with you RC.

05-26-2006, 06:18 PM
I'll be reading this.

05-26-2006, 07:54 PM
I have to agree with you RC.
On what, that I'm going to freak out or that he needs to check his grammar? ;)

Well, the idea is unique and I'll be watching this for sure. But keep in mind what the others have said, and always double-check your work. :)

05-27-2006, 11:28 AM
oooohh. Hall controlled :xp:
i agree with him, steve. keep it coming.

05-27-2006, 12:48 PM
oooohh. Hall controlled :xp:
If you say something like that again I'll kick you in the crotch so hard you'll need to see a coronary surgeon. Yep, definitely controlled. :xp:

I don't want to rush you steven, but do you have a definite time your going to post this or are you still working on the first chapter?

05-27-2006, 12:51 PM
Yeah, I'm looking forward to this. Hey, Hall, if you want something to read, check out Amongst the Ruins: http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164927 ;)

Diego Varen
05-27-2006, 01:04 PM
Or even better, my new Fic, The Sith Lord (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=165309). Just kidding, Niner's is good.

05-29-2006, 05:07 AM
or even MORE better, check out my fic, The Second Coming Of Evil :D:D lol ..http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?p=2076694#post2076694
great plot Steven, cant wait for the next chapter ... what also happens to be the first chapter :D

Jason Skywalker
05-29-2006, 05:33 AM
Or then check out my fic,Jedi Heroes (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164443) .

05-29-2006, 04:38 PM
dudes, this is a fic, not an advertising board.

@ Hall, ill wear a cricket box :xp: j/k dont worry. ill stop :D

Diego Varen
05-29-2006, 04:43 PM
dudes, this is a fic, not an advertising board.

We were joking RC. :lol:

Jason Skywalker
05-29-2006, 06:39 PM
Sure,i'll stop.Any idea when you'll post the first Chapter?

05-30-2006, 06:02 AM
yeah, it was all a joke man lol, hmm ... i agree with jason, when the first chapter coming lol, im anxious to read it ...

05-30-2006, 06:43 AM
Here's the first chapter, nothing special I'm afraid

Chapter one-

After successfully disabling an pirate vessel, the marine team Echo 13 head back to their main ship, the Poseidon.

The Poseidon is a state of the art interceptor republic star destroyer. It was designed by the leading Zanzibar Corporation 'Pyro Tech.' It was then built in the Zanzibar Shipyards and given to the New Republic in exchange for a criminal senator who attempted to break the alliance between the two nations.

Echo 13's orders were to disable the pirates shields, weapons, engines and anything else they may have that would lead to their escape. After completing their mission they stole the pirates only shuttle and launch into space. From there the Poseidon would use the tractor beam to bring the shuttle aboard the star destroyer. At the moment the shuttle would dock with the Poseidon, another group of commandos known as The Elements of the Forces would enter the ship and go after it's captain who had possible leads on the location of the missing Palpatine.

"Sir, we have successfully launched into space and are waiting for the Poseidon to pick us up." Reported Samantha Trent, the piolt of the team and it's only female menber.
"Good," Replied Jack, the groups commander "All we can do now is wait."
Five minutes later yet nothing has happened.
"Whats taking them so long?" asked Jack, feeling abit annoyed.
"Not sure sir, we've been in the open for four minutes now. Something should of happened by now." answered Sam, sounding worried.
"Maybe something wrong with the tractor beam, you know how the Zanzibar mechanics are like." suggested John, the newest member of the group.Unlike the rest of his didn't really spealise in one certain class.

"No, the tractor beam we're using is our own. It should be op..." He was interrupted by the sound of something hitting the shuttle "What on earth?" There was that sound again. And a third time but it was followed by the shuttle jolting.
"I know that sound! We're under attack!" cried Sam," the Poseidon attacking us! What the hell is going on?"

The crew looked out through the ships front window and the Poseidon was just hovering in the space and what Sam said was true. The Poseidon was indeed firing upon the shuttle.

Diego Varen
05-30-2006, 07:02 AM
Quite short, but good. I will be reading this.

Jason Skywalker
05-30-2006, 02:17 PM
My opinion is basically what Pottsie said.

05-30-2006, 04:58 PM
Ditto, lol.

06-01-2006, 01:52 AM
umm ... ditto ditto? lol

06-07-2006, 01:38 PM
"Sam! Get us into the Poseidon quickly!" Ordered Jack as everyone grapped onto something so that they wouldn't be chucked across to the opposite side of the shuttle during the impact of the lasers that were being fired from the Poseidon.
"Yes sir!" She's replied as he manuvered the ship she the rate of hits was reduced. When she got close enough, she flue under the ship where it's hanger was located. She turned the ship so that cockpit was inline with the hanger. "Oh crap"
"What is it Sam? Oh bugger" Jack spat
"What's wrong?" asked the groups second in command -Steven Wolf- as he and the other marines rushed to the cockpit.
"They've locked the hanger doors. And the turrets have a good lock on us. We're dead meat." Said Jack, getting angerier.
"Wait!" Said David as he pointed to the hanger doors "They're opening!"
"It looks like they're being pushed open!" Sam stated in a curious tone. The hanger doors suddenly flue forward towards the shuttle.
"Brace for impact!" Shouted Jack, as he got ready to die, he knew there was no chance of survival. The shuttle then shook and the shuttle then rolled sideways. "What the hell? Sam?"
"Yeah that was I." She said proudly "Am I good or what? I'm taking us in to the hangers now." The shuttle then entered the ships hanger. Aside from marines shuttle they were in, the hanger was completely empty. This was strange for the commandos, the Posiden was nearly alwase full of fighters, bombers and shuttle.

The five marines, with there guns raised and ready to shoot anything that moved, moved out of the shuttle. Everyone was shocked to see this place so empty, this made them kinda distracted. Jack noticed this and tried to get back everyone’s concentration. "Come people, this can't be the first time you've seen an empty hanger." Jack's attempts were ruined when all the marines nodded. "Okay okay, Let's move out. At the moment we're sitting ducks here."

(Another shortish chapter I'm afraid)

Diego Varen
06-07-2006, 02:33 PM
Good Chapter. Will the Chapters be slightly longer?

06-07-2006, 02:55 PM
Not sure. Because, you see, I'm not known for long posts and I don't really like writing long posts.

06-19-2006, 02:27 PM
The marines quickly advanced into the hanger corridor. There was no sign of human life however there was a small cleaning droid, doing it's job as if nothing had happened, as if the corridors was it's usuall busy self. Jack lowered his weapons and crouched down to the cleaning droids hight and tapped on it's surface. "Hey droid."
Beep beep. Dwoooooo replied the droid as it turned around and continued to clean.
"Well I don't speak droid. Who here knows?" asked Jack turning his head to his party behind him. Everyone expect John shook their head. John took a deep breath and said "I do. I hate to disapoint you but it seemed more worried about our dirty footprints then it does what's happened to the rest of the crew."
"That's usefull," Sam said sarcastically "We should move to the next room, it's hanger controll room."
"Right, Marines move out! Clear the next room!" Order Jack as he stood up and raised his gun. The marines then charged into the next room. It was completely different situation. The room was empty, no computers, no droids only a red carpet and a light above it. "Weird." Stated David as he step foward, following it weapons. "Someone needs to fix that light." The light was flickering between on and off, then electricity bolts flew out of the
light and hit the carpet but instead of the rug catching on fires a man appeared, out of the nowhere. He seemed to be average looking, dark brown hair and seemed to have shaven for a few days. He was wearing dark blue trousers and no upper clothing. This was to show off the burn marks and scars on his torse.
"How the hell did you do that!?" Jack asked, amazed and angry. "And who the hell are you and what where is everyone else?"
"Everyone else? Dead." Said the man "We killed all of them. They're corpse we're then feed to Vida's little pets." The man smiled as he could see the anger on the marines face. "I am Trovao, commander of the Elements of the Force. Each one of us has there own unquie element where we've trained to use force powers around our element and have resulted in becoming the Republic's most advance commando squad. However we've run into a problem which the Republic does like. We have a deal with the emperor; that we will serve him as long as his gives us objects to destroy. He also wants Zanzibar Land to fall."
"Make Zanzibar Land fall, the leading faction in space combat and defence weaponary.. care to explain how?" asked Steven.
"Simple... we're going to cause a super nova. You see that if enough energy went into this ships Link Cannons it could cause a super nova. Energy that only I can produce. Now I've got to dash, I would rather kill you right on the spot, but I said that Madura could have the first stab at killing you." Mocked the man right before he exploded into electric energy that was swiftly absorbed by the light.

I think it's a bit longer, sorry if it's confusing and if there is alot of spelling mistakes. I'm not really putting my heart into this story. The next chapter will hopefully contain the first boss battle.

Jason Skywalker
06-19-2006, 04:39 PM
Good one,you improved.

Diego Varen
06-20-2006, 01:46 AM
Good one,you improved.

Agreed. Though there are still some mistakes.

Jason Skywalker
06-21-2006, 05:31 AM
Agreed. Though there are still some mistakes.
I said he improved,i didn't say he was so improved he could write a Star Wars movie script,lol.

01-29-2009, 01:23 PM