View Full Version : [FIC] War and Love
07-23-2006, 10:02 PM
This is my first fic so please don't kill me! Please give me advice on how to improve my writing since I think that it is horrible!
Chapter 1: The Return of Two Heros
Revan was resting peacefully aboard the Ebon Hawk in the pilot seat while staring of into the border of known space. He was in a more than cheerful mood today because he knew, that in 3 hours, he and the Exile would return to Telos.
His best friend and trusted former general Kai Valor walked in. Or the Exile people would call him. You could see two beautifully carved lightsabers that adorned his belt with the many other gadgets that were used for countless things. He wore a jet black robe with dark blue that outlined the edges. The robe that hugged his body to not slow him down with knee length boots that were perfect for jumping and kicking. Revan on the other hand, wore his old robe and mask that he used during his reign as the Dark Lord of the Sith.
Kai sat down in the co-pilot seat next to Revan and said, “How do you feel about going back to see everything you left behind?”
“Like this is my first time in seeing them after I came back from hell. But I still dread in meeting the council!” Both of them shared a good laugh at this until T3-M4 came rolling in beeping about how they were going to arrive in about one hour since the hyperdrive had cooled down now and was ready for use. Both of them gave a grateful thank you and now had another reason to go back all the faster. Oh joy.
All of them had changed in one way or another. Revan’s hair went from a very dark brown, to a deep black with chocolate eyes. He was more on his guard and had definitely grown stronger. Both in usage of the blade, and the force. He also now instead of using his old saber staff, he used two light sabers like Kai did, but only pulled out the second one when necessary. Kai had changed as well. He sill had black hair but it had grown to when his bangs had partially covered his eyes. For not being as good as Revan was with the force, he made up with his incredible speed and his alien martial arts skill. Kai’s speed was something that was to be admired.
HK-47 walked in and said, “Excited Statement: Oh it will be wonderful to see all of the meat bags again!” HK had changed to. During his time with Kai and Revan, he received enough humans to eliminate, or as he would say, “Meat bags.”
The Ebon Hawk was now in Telos’s atmosphere. Revan was piloting the Ebon Hawk slowly toward the landing pad that had been reserved for them while Kai was making ready with the droids and cleaning the ship. After all, they wouldn’t want to give their friends the wrong impression now would they?
The landing ramp slowly set down to the Telos docking bay pad. The droids walked down first with T3-M4 beeping happily at seeing the two crews of the Ebon Hawk gathered together. HK-47 walked down next saying the only thing that everyone would expect of the bloodthirsty droid. “I will miss the times where we could blow meat bags to bits every corner.”
This statement was followed by a young man’s voice saying, “By the time we’re done HK, I think that even you will retire from your assassinations!” The Exile then walked out revealing his new attire. The second crew of the Ebon Hawk was itching to go pounce on him and smother him with hugs and questions. Next emerged Revan, which caused everyone to gasp with surprise at him adopting his old clothes again. Many wondered if he had fallen again, but were given their answer when he said a simple, “Hi!”
I know that it is awfully short, but the second chapter will be longer. I'm almost done with it so you should only wait for about 2 days. If not you can kill me! (Not literally) Tell me what you think!
07-23-2006, 11:01 PM
Awwww, but I want to read more!!! its is very good. Keep those chapters coming!!!
07-24-2006, 04:29 AM
Nobody will kill you. Hopefully. Anyway, it was a good start, though you don't need three spaces underneath the Title. Also I wouldn't do two Fics at the same time, because when I started, I had four uncompleted Fics and I gave up on all of them. Stick to one. It is easier and it doesn't hurt the brain as much.
Also, why do you have two of the same Fic?
07-24-2006, 05:12 AM
Also, why do you have two of the same Fic?
LordRevan123, please sort this out or we will have to delete or lock one of these repeat threads. Thanks.
07-24-2006, 07:15 AM
:nut: Thanks for giving me tips! And I'm glad that you enjoyed it! But I'm not writing two fics at the same time. :eyepop You must have me confused with someone else.
Edit: I'mmmmmm soooooooo sorrrrrrrrrrrry! My computer had a misfunction while I was on so it must of accidently got posted here! Just ignore this fic and read War and Love! I posted this on The Rise of the Republic! Sorry once again!
07-24-2006, 08:57 AM
New Chappie! The third one will take a bit longer to come out since I only have one free day in my weekend! Enjoy!
Chapter 2: Meetings
Revan slowly took of his mask to reveal his still handsome face. Bastila couldn’t take the pressure of standing still anymore and ran to him. Once she reached into his open arms, she wasn’t only welcomed by a hug of his own, but also by the sweet spicy smell of his robe. She made a mental note to herself to ask where he got that smell and to never try to replace it with soap. While Bastila continued to snuggle into Revan, Kai smiled at the two lovers and continued his journey down the ramp. When he stopped in front of the second crew of the Ebon Hawk, he was about to shake Atton’s hand but Atton just grabbed him into a hug.
Kai had a puzzled expression on his face, as Atton was not one for showing such affection. Atton pulled away after a few seconds and with a smile said, “This is the only time, where I will ever show my emotions!” After that comment was said, everyone got into a group hug, even Mira. Brianna was crying in happiness, while Visas had a couple of tears rolling down from beneath her veil. Mandalore or also known as Canderous, had a puzzled expression on his face. He was thinking, “Kai or Revan, Kai or Revan, Kai or Revan, Kai or Revan?”
Even if a young blue twi’lek girl had grown older, she still had he childish attitude. Seeing that Bastila was getting all the happiness of being back from Revan, she yelled while running up the ramp, “Hey, stop hogging him! We saw him first!” Jolee began yelling something about young people. Zalbaar let out a happy wookie roar of his and began running to the group as well. Revan looked in amused horror as he felt Zalbaar’s arms wrap around everybody that were already hugging him.
After all the happiness and acquaintances had gone by, they finally noticed a padawan waiting for them at the entrance to the docking bay. Everybody walked toward the girl with curious faces. Revan and Kai however, already knew what the young padawan was going to say.
“ThecouncilrequeststoseeJediKnightRevanandKnightKa iassoonaspossible!” The girl’s face resembled that of a bloated kath hound as she finished the sentence. Everybody could see she had fear written all over her face. Besides, it’s not everyday you see the former Dark Lord of the Sith and the most powerful Jedi that was exiled all in the same day! Much to the young padawan’s surprise, Revan gave her a bright smile and said, ”Thank you miss. Will you please inform the council that we will be along shortly?” “Ye… yes Master Jedi!” As she put on a pace for a fast walk, she looked into the Exile’s face. What made her blush was when he winked at her.
Revan of course noticed this and said a simple, “Stop flirting.” Kai just closed his eyes and shrugged, “Couldn’t help it.”
They walked to the shuttle that would carry them toward the office where all the Jedi Masters were gathered. Two Jedi were placed at the entrance to the chambers and said in a rather bored tone, “Will everybody please wait out here? The council only requested to see Knight Revan and Knight Kai.” Everyone was disappointed in hearing this. Especially Bastila. “What the hell! After almost a year the council keeps my Revan away from me again!!!”
Revan and Kai turned to them and smiled gently. “Don’t worry it won’t take that long. We’re just going to explain to the old coots what we saw.” Some of them sighed while others smiled at seeing Kai had inherited Revan’s obvious disrespect toward the council members. Except Master Kavar and Vandar.
Both Jedi walked in to the chambers while their companions watched them disappear as the doors closed. They laid their eyes for the first time, in a long time, on the Jedi council. Most of them were the same. Kavar and Vandar had gentle smiles plastered on their faces, while Vrook and Atris had scowls as usual. “They would be a perfect couple for each other,” Kai snickered. Revan who heard this statement could barely contain his laughter.
Vandar, being the more kind Jedi in the group, gave a greeting first and was not all the “all work no play” type of person. “Welcome back Knight Revan and Knight Kai. You had been greatly missed among almost everyone!”
“Except by the old couple,” grumbled Revan. Unfortunately for Kai, who was not so lucky as to hide his little giggle. Which was a very odd sound coming from a man. Vrook, who was always the strict one, would always pick up every imperfect detail, said, “ When standing before the presence of the Jedi council, you are expected to be respectful.”
Instead of apologizing and giving a bow to the masters, the Exile just said, “Whatever.” All of the Jedi were in shock that the Exile who used to show so much respect for each one of them, just told a council member to go mind his own business! All of them enhanced their force feeling powers to see if they could feel the dark side in him. What they saw surprised all of them except Vandar and Kavar. The Exile’s aura was darker than it had been before showing that he was closer to the dark side. Revan’s aura was about the same as well. This was to be expected since it was clear that wherever they had went, it was obvious that it had to be very, very, very, very strong in the dark side.
Vandar, who was perhaps the wisest of the masters, did not want Revan and Kai’s return from the Unknown Regions is a sour moment. To lighten up the mode, Vandar said in a cherry voice, “
It is good to see you back. Though I see time has not diminished your sense of humor!”
Kai gave a small smile at Vandar as his reply. Master Vash, who did not die in Korriban, but instead put herself into a stasis to avoid the pain of the torture, smiled at how Kai and Revan seemed to get along. All of them could feel, that now there was a bond between them. Revan was the master, and Kai was the apprentice. But while they were now master and apprentice, they didn’t act like one. Instead of the serious facade that the master was expected to have.
“As much as we enjoy your return to the Republic, we must know what you encountered along the way,” said the only twi’lek council member. As he said this, both of the returning Jedi turned serious and began to give their explanation. They told the council of the True Sith Empire and how they were stronger than the regular Sith. They used their lightsaber with a more vicious style than regular Sith, and had stronger minds to. They told the council they had a much larger army than previously before. Possibly twice the size.
The council seemed crest fallen as they would need the Star Forge to even have a chance of fighting the True Sith army. Admiril Dodanna visibly paled when she heard the news. There seemed to be no hope left.
Revan, who knew that everybody in this room, except Kai, felt as if everything they accomplished during Revan’s departure was all for nothing, decided to tell them the good news. “However, we might have a chance of wining this war still,” said Kai cheerfully.
Admiral Dodanna said in a sarcastic tone, “Then I suppose you have another Star Forge?”
“Not exactly, but we do have an army consisting one that can match the True Sith’s army!” Those words caused Admiral Dodanna to drop her juma juice onto the floor. The council who was usually calm and enjoyed debating while everybody died around them, asked the two knights where the army came from.
“The army that we created is called snow troopers. (Think clone troopers in Episode II)
They are disciplined both mentally and physically. They know the Echani style of fighting, but also the Cathar and Mandalorian style. Each knows how to wield a vibrosword and is armed with a heavy repeating blaster rifle. They also contain a heavy blaster pistol in case of emergency. Each of them have two concussion, ion, adhesive, thermal detonator, plasma, and sonic grenades with them. In if they had to face a droid with a shield, all the snow trooper had to do is switch the energy cells in his blaster rifle. Their white suits surround every part of their body allowing them to move protected through harsh environments. Their armor could even shrug of some of the damage inflicted onto them.”
“Even with this army, we cannot defeat the True Sith because of the Dark Jedi with them. So we must ally ourselves with the Mandalorians.”
Vrook became extremely unhappy after hearing those words. “How could you expect for us to become allies with those blood thirsty men?! They would probably try to…”
“That is enough Master Vrook.” This time, it was Master Kavar who spoke out. “Let Revan finish his explanation onto why we need t he aid of the Mandalorians.”
“Thank you Master Kavar. As you know the republic is desperate. As more Jedi are killed, or fall to the dark side, we grow weaker. We need more Jedi. But it takes a very long time for a Jedi to be trained and ready for a true battle. No simple Republic soldier is able to stand up to a Dark Jedi, but they might have a chance if a Mandalorian, republic soldier, and snow trooper work together. This will by us some time until we are able to find new recruits,” finished Revan.
“We are keepers of the peace Revan. Not soldiers bred for war,” Vrook retorted.
Revan, who was getting tired of being interrupted all the time, said in an annoyed tone, “If we stay like this any longer, you won’t have much of a peace to defend.”
“This is why we tried to make you understand why going into the Mandalorian Wars was wrong. Once you taste battle you cannot discard it like an object,” Atris said.
“And I suppose you’ve seen the battle field,” retorted Kai.
Dodanna who had been mostly ignored through most of the meeting, decided to interfere and put her own opinion into the discussion. “ If I may council members, I understand that I am not familiar with the Jedi ways, but the Republic needs any aid that it can receive. Even if it means allying ourselves with the very army that tried to destroy the Republic. However, it is a question how we can persuade the Mandalorians to give us aid.”
“The Mandalorians are always searching for new ways to strengthen themselves am I correct,” began Kai. Not waiting for anybody to answer him, he continued on, “We offer them peace with the Republic and give them control of the Dxun moon and control of two worlds in the outer rim.”
“Will even if they do except this agreement, it would cause unrest in the Republic. Many still remember what the Mandalorians caused during their time in conquering the Republic. We might even lose some Republic troops who are not willing to work with Mandalorians.”
“Well for one I know the Mandalorians would except this agreement since they hold me and Revan in high regard. And besides, we are giving them two planets here! Who wouldn’t take this deal?”
“Don’t forget that the Republic is desperate for any help that they can get their hands on.”
The entire council looked at each other as if giving a silent debate that only they could hear. “Very well. Even if this is not the way of the Jedi, we still need to protect the Republic, and if that means allying ourselves with the enemy, then so be it,” finished Vandar.
“WHHHHHAAAAAATTTTT,” roared Vrook. “Surely the council would not allow this preposterous statement to cloud the true judgment? If we allow those savage beasts to take two worlds into their complete control, we might as well just have another Mandalorian War while we’re at it!”
“Mandalore or better known as Canderous, would not betray us so easily. He does not turn on some one who he has traveled with for a long time. Besides, he swore to me a oath of him following me to death,” shrugged Revan.
Everybody in the chambers became silent. Until Master Vandar broke it, “Whether we like it or not, we are in a war Master Vrook. And desperate times call for desperate measures.”
“How soon will your snow troopers be able to come,” asked Dodanna.
“They are sitting on the borders of known space. If you want we can get the entire fleet into Corucant in about a weeks time,” replied Kai casually.
“How much space will we need to let the entire fleet to dock?”
“Oh it will take more than the space you can offer us Admiral,” said Revan in a bored tone. “But we will have the space station supporting the fleet deploy enough ships to fit in with the maximum amount of space you can give us.”
Admiril Dodanna nodded her head. “We will make the preparations for your snow troopers.”
“Well, it seems that everything has been sorted out,” said Master Kavar in a relieved tone. “Why don’t you two go and meet up with your friends. We have a lot to discuss.”
The two Knights gave a respectable bow, as did the Admiral. Revan and Kai went to see the people they knew and loved, while Dodanna went to make preparations for the snow trooper’s arrival. When everybody left and the council was alone, Master Vash spoke in a concerned tone, “They seemed to have avoided the question of how they acquired this army.”
“This is why we should have kept them imprisoned,” yelled Atris. “Those two are a threat to us all. I wouldn’t be surprised if their army was entirely made up of mercenaries!”
“They were hiding something from us no doubt about that,” began Master Kavar. “But Revan did not fall to the dark side when he was on the Star Forge and could have become master of the Galaxy. The Exile did not fall even when we sentenced him to his fate, he did not take revenge on us.”
“It does not stop the fact that they hid something.”
“Perhaps Atris, but the truth will come in due time,” said Master Vandar tiredly.
07-24-2006, 09:06 AM
Is this after TSL, because if it is, Master Vrook and Vandar wouldn't be alive. Also if this is your Fanfic Thread, delete your other one, by editing the first Post and press Delete. Okay Chapter overall.
07-24-2006, 09:28 AM
I know Vrook and Vandar wouldn't be alive but I decided to put them in any way. Thanks for telling me how to delet my other post.
07-24-2006, 10:42 AM
I just read it now, and I like it. Good work, keep it up.
07-24-2006, 10:56 AM
Thanks!!!! New chappie out by next Tuesday!
07-27-2006, 02:49 PM
Chapter 3: A New Army, and a New Ebon Hawk
After they left the office leading to the council chambers, Kai and Revan went to see their friends who were waiting patiently in the visitor’s area. As soon as the two stepped through the door, Revan was greeted with a big hug from Bastila and a Mission who looked like she had too much Tarisian Ale. Kai on the other hand, was greeted with an arguing trio of girls. (Guess who?) They became silent once Kai entered and turned back and glared at each other. Well you couldn’t really see Visas’s face because of the veil that she wore. Kai sweat dropped since this wasn’t exactly the greeting he had expected. Atton gave a wave to Kai and didn’t see T3 change the pazzack deck. HK looked at every passing civilian and was itching to blast a couple of them to bits.
They arrived at the Telosian cantina while Kai and Revan paid, but Mission helped with the money she won off Atton in pazzack. Juhani simply had water while Jolee chose the strongest type of alcohol there. After Revan informed everyone about what would happen in the next week and about the snow troopers. “How did you raise an army,” asked Atton suspiciously.
Kai and Revan stole a glance at each other before saying which did not go unnoticed by anyone. Kai broke the little moment of silence by saying, “That is another story for another time.” Nobody really believed him, but let it pass for now.
“Well for now why don’t we just go to sleep,” Jolee said breaking the uncomfortable silence. “Besides it is late at night already and we have enough time tomorrow to get to know each other again!” Everybody agreed with this and went to their respectable rooms.
Carth showed Revan and Kai their rooms that were next to each other. Bastila continued to cling onto Revan’s arm as if he would disappear for another five years. “Mission saw Bastila clinging to her man and became curious. “Bastila? Isn’t your room next to Juhani and Mira’s? Ohhhhh!” Realization dawned on Mission’s little teenage brain as she finally understood that Bastila was going to be staying with Revan tonight. Bastila blushed a deep shad of red as Mission now understood. Mission smirked and walked into her room with Zalbaar.
Bastila giggled at Revan’s puzzled expression as he still did not know what Mission knew that he didn’t. “What did Mission mean when she smirked?”
Bastila gave another childish giggle before giving him a deep kiss and whispered in his ear, “She meant that we were going to be sleeping in the same room. But since there is only one bed, you and me are going to be staying in it. Revan’s eye widened as his Bas pulled him inside. But inside his head, he was thinking, “I don’t think the nightmares will come any more.”
The next day
Kai awoke to the sound of giggles coming from Revan’s room. Seeing that everybody was down in the cafeteria already, Kai decided to tease Revan a bit. But first he dressed in his usual dark robes and combed his hair, washed his face, and double checked that his two lightsabers were hanging of his belt.
Once outside of his room, he tiptoed toward where the laughter was coming from. He was now standing directly in front of Revan’s room and took a deep breath to calm himself. “What do I have to be afraid of,” thought Kai. “Revan wouldn’t kill me. But Bastila might.” He shivered as he thought of that last sentence. “Nothing can compare to a woman’s scorn. (No offence
girls) Oh, well.” He took one last breath before pounding on the door shouting, “BASTILA REVAN WAKE UP UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO TELL EVERYBODY WHAT YOU WERE DOING IN THERE!”
He heard”Oomph” presumably coming from his friend while he heard Bastila screaming, “KAI! I’M GONNA KEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL YOU!” Sensing that Bastila already had her double bladed lightsaber in hand, he rushed of to the safety of the cafeteria.
But not before hearing Revan shout, “KAI YOU SCHUTTA!” Kai didn’t care though. Because by the time he was in the cafeteria, they would still be dressing. The civilians made sure to stay away from a hysterical laughing Jedi that could kill everybody there in about five minutes.
In about ten minutes time, Revan and Bastila came to join the rest of the crew. Kai turned his head toward the couple and said with a hint of sarcasm, ”Did you two have a nice sleep?”
Bastila, who still wanted to kill him said through clenched teeth, “Yes we had a wonderful sleep.”
“I bet,” said Mission while having a smirk on her face.
Carth came to the table that all of them were sitting at but instead of a greeting, he now held a serious face. If the Admiral had a face like that, you might want to listen up. “I’m supposed to give you guys a briefing of a mission since everybody is too busy.” Every body groaned at the word mission since Revan and Kai had just come back from the Unknown Regions. This minute of humor at how everybody had groaned, had lightened up the mood a little. “Before I was rudely interrupted,” began Carth. “It is very important. A spy on Korriban had reported that there was an ancient Sith relic found there. All we know is that it is called the Force Collector and is very important to them.
Revan was deep in thought as to why this Force Collector was so important. He had a hypothesis that the Force Collector would obviously collect the force, but for what? That was the question that pondered Revan’s mind. ‘I hate it when I don’t know something.’ “Can we talk to the spy,” asked Revan.
Carth gave a sigh before saying, “You could’ve but the Sith already killed him.” This news brought the table to silence. “Some how they found out about him being as an undercover guard there.
“So? What does the council want us to do about it,” Mandalore asked.
“They wish for you to go into the new Sith academy on Korriban and find out what it does, and if possible find out where it is,” finished Carth. “But you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.
This brought a small silence over the table. Each had their own reasons for not going, but being with one another for so long, it is as if each person had become family. The silence was broken when Revan stated, “I’m going.”
“Where you go I will follow you my love,” Bastila said more as a fact.
“You need some one to keep you to from snogging each other in the academy,” said Kai. This earned him a glare from the couple.
“ Another adventure! I am soooo going,” exclaimed Mission happily. Nobody exactly wanted to argue with her since she would just find a way onto the Ebon Hawk without them noticing.
“I told Kai that I would follow him wherever he goes,” stated Visas calmly. The rest agreed with a complaining Atton and a grumbling Jolee.
“I’m going to. Plus I don’t trust Atton to pilot the Ebon Hawk while playing pazzack,” stated Carth.
A certain peeved Jedi Sentinel was itching for a certain yellow lightsaber.
“Well this presents a problem,” began Revan. “Since all of us are going on the Ebon Hawk, we are going to have to make it bigger. And I am not going to sleep in the same room as Jolee while he snores.”
“No, you and I are going to have one room my love,” said Bastila in a suggestive way. When the two were about to kiss again, Mission made a gagging sound and pretended to puke.
“If you are going to do that please don’t do it while we are eating,” begged Mission.
Kai who decided to change the subject before Bastila remembers what he did earlier this morning, said, “So when do we leave, Admiral Onasi?”
“When your snow troopers get here.”
“That gives us time to work on the Hawk then.” Kai turned to Bao-Dur who before the general even asked, was already thinking of putting a turret that could launch rockets.
“I’m sure that I can make the Ebon Hawk big enough to fit all of us, General. I can also add some modifications to it as well.” T3 beeped as it was happy in getting to make such a vast improvement on what it calls, a “hunk of junk.” “Yes, T3 you can help. With both of us and the mechanics that should be available to help us, we should get it fixed in about a months time.”
“Proud Statement: I on the other hand will not lower myself to such a job.”
“No I guess not HK. You were meant for simpler things like shooting,” sighed Kai.
Self-proclaiming statement: “I will show you what this droid can do Master. I will prove to you that this droid can do a job as well as that bucket of bolts.” At those words T3 beeped angrily.
Bao-Dur gave a small, “Oh boy.”
“Sorry Bastila, but I have to borrow Revan for a bit. We need to go over some military things with each other.”
“Hey what about me,” exclaimed Kai.
“You don’t count,” said Revan.
“I’m the one who has the codes for each of the ships.”
Carth and Revan look at each other before saying at the same time, “Damn it.”
1 Week Later
The two crews of the Ebon Hawk were standing on a small platform watching the first few ships of the snow trooper fleet land on Coruscant. There was a large crowd around the space where the troopers were to leave the ships. Present were the Jedi council with all of the senators and a crowd of many different species of aliens and humans alike.
The first group of snow troopers left the safety of the ship onto a new world. They were perfectly organized and walked in tune with each other, none of them missing a beat. The only way you could tell the difference between the higher commands among them, were the colors of their armor. If Mandalore’s jaw could drop farther than it already did, it would be hitting the floor. In his opinion, they were more disciplined and organized than the Republic and Mandalorians. They were the perfect army.
The Republic senators were in complete awe. Some started thinking that they should just send the entire force against the Sith. That move would be suicide.
This little display of showing the army’s organization and obvious strength made all the senators vote that all were battle ready and ready for action. Mandalore was already thinking that perhaps he should do his best to get on Revan and Kai’s good side. Bao-Dur was wondering what kind of technology those ships possessed and how he could use it to help Telos. Mission was thinking what every other teenager who bore witness to the army. “Holy…”
About a Month Later
Everyone was gathered in a large docking bay where the Ebon Hawk had a blanket hiding it from view. T3 was beeping excitedly while Bao-Dur had a proud look on his face. The other mechanics that were helped with the upgrade of the Ebon Hawk already had bottles of alcohol ready. Bao-Dur started what seemed to be like a speech that he had prepared for this day. He began it, with the history of the Ebon Hawk and its adventures with them. “Now, I am proud to present, the new Ebon Hawk.” At those words, the bottles of champagne were shattered open and the blanket pulled down revealing a shiny new Hawk. (Think of a bigger Ebon Hawk that is a lot faster and can endure more blaster fire.) To them, it was certainly larger than before with all the dents and burns gone from its previous adventures. It now had stainless silver covering much of it.
Even though Kai was happy at the Ebon Hawk’s transformation, he was sad that Visas could not see it. Therefore, it did not matter much to her. He decided to go comfort her so she wouldn’t feel so lonely. “It is quite beautiful,” began Kai. Visas just gave a small nod showing that she heard him. “Though I know something much more beautiful.”
“What,” asked Visas.
“You.” Realizing what he just said, he thought, “Oh Sith spit!”
Deciding to break the silence before embarrassing himself even more, he said gently, “Lets go inside and have a look.” As they walked inside, Jolee watched what Kai did and saw a deep blush upon Visas’s face. He gave a small smile before following them.
Revan came out of the garage and shouted happily, “We’ve got another adventure on our hands!”
So what do you think! I might have a writers block later on so it might be a while before the next one comes out! Leave me a review!
07-27-2006, 02:53 PM
A new Ebon Hawk eh? Good Chapter, though there was a spelling mistake near the end.
Instead of “We’ve got another adventure on out hands!” it should be:
“We’ve got another adventure on our hands!”
07-27-2006, 02:59 PM
Lol! I just corrected that!
07-28-2006, 12:03 AM
great story are you going to make more?
07-28-2006, 10:11 AM
07-30-2006, 12:26 PM
Well... I got a new chapter up! Don't forget to review!
Chapter 4: Shot Down
The Ebon Hawk hummed quietly while heading to Korriban during hyperspace. Most of the members of the Ebon Hawk were either sleeping or training. Mission, decided that she needed to get familiar with a blaster pistol again so did a battle simulation with HK. Revan and Bastila passed the time by catching on old times. Kai trained his apprentices in lightsaber forms. Jolee and Zalbaar talked about Kashyyyk and what they missed the most.
All was peaceful until the alarm went blaring through the entire ship. Everybody leapt up and ran to the cock pit for Carth to tell them what was happening. “Sensors picked up a Sith vessel right in front of Korriban! If we get out of hyperspace, we’re going to be blown to bits!”
“Can’t we change course,” asked Juhani.
“It’ll take too long for us to type in the coordinates,” replied Atton.
“Just set a course for Dxun,” urged Mandalore.
“We don’t even know its coordinates,” said Carth angrily.
“I spent almost every day since Revan left on that moon. I think I would know its coordinates.”
“Well that changes everything.”
“Hurryuphurryuphurryuphurryuphurryup,” urged Mission.
The Ebon Hawk burst into view of Korriban. Fighters from the Sith ship were immediately dispatched along with heavy turrets coming online. The fire from the turrets and the fighters, hit the Hawk in its engines. It caused a malfunction in the hyperdrive machine. This left them with enough energy for one more jump.
Mandalore continued punching in the coordinates at a rapid pace. “Got it!”
Atton immediately pushed the Ebon Hawk into hyperdrive with more force than was necessary, but that had not let the Ebon Hawk deprive itself of damage.
The small orbiting moon of Onderon came into view as a humid forest that contained many storms like last time. They proceeded to land in a clear patch of forest on Dxun. Once knowing that they were safe from the Sith for now, Revan asked, “Bao-Dur? What is the status of the ship?”
“Well, I need to do some repairs to the hyperdrive, work of the engine cooling systems a bit, and repair some minor electrical problems.”
“Damn,” Revan swore.
“Why is it that every time we try to come to a planet, we are always shot down,” asked Atton sarcastically.
“Either way we won’t be getting off Dxun anytime soon,” Mandalore proclaimed. “I can get some mechanics to help the Zabrak with the repairs if you want?”
“No thanks, I would like to do it myself.”
“Alright, have it your way.”
“Well since we’re here, we might as well do something productive,” claimed Kai. “Besides, I get bored of seeing Mission take all of Atton’s credits.”
Mission snickered while Atton now had a peeved expression on his face.
“Isn’t the base of operations for the Mandalorians here,” asked Revan.
“Well, since the True Sith are too strong for us to handle even with the new army, we’re going need more soldiers who are ready to fight, and can fight well.”
If Mandalore didn’t have his helmet on, you could see a smirk plastered on his face.
“Let me guess, you want the aid of the Mandalorians.”
“Hey we need help,” shrugged Kai.
“Well… What’s in it for us?”
“Control over two planets in the outer rim, control over Dxun, and peace with the Republic.”
Mandalore thought for a moment about the offer that they were sending him. “I guess that offer is reasonable. But some Mandalorians might present a grudge against fighting with the Republic.”
“Just remind them what happened when they sided with Exar Kun,” answered Kai.
Atton, who wasn’t much into politics, saw a couple of Mandalorians with threatening rifels pointed at them. “I don’t want to stop your political discussion, but, we have a couple of Mandalorians waiting outside for us.”
“Don’t worry they’ll listen to me.” With that, Mandalore went to the landing ramp to talk to the Mandalorians.
07-31-2006, 05:47 PM
so there back to dxun, and shot down again nice. so whens the next coming out?
08-01-2006, 09:09 AM
Probably in a couple of days. I'm pretty busy now.
08-03-2006, 08:08 PM
Chapter 5: Negotiations
The crew of the Ebon Hawk, walked with the Mandalorian guide to the base of operations, with Mandalore in the lead. Bao-Dur and T3 stayed behind adding repairs to their flying home. HK and Atton stayed with them just in case if a cannok or boma decided on their next meal.
While walking, Kai remembered what had happened here on Dxun. How he had to prove to Mandalore, that he was “worthy” enough to go with him on a shuttle to Iziz.
Revan on the other hand, was thinking about what happened on the Dxun moon which was the first battle of the Mandalorian Wars. This caused Revan to be unsettled. But he did not forget that he had Bastila to draw strength from.
They arrived at the base of operations for the Mandalorian’s. Revan was impressed, that they could accomplish something like this. Even when they were devastated by him and Kai. Kai however only noted that there were more recruits and how the Mandalorians, had now gained more of their old power in the galaxy back.
Many of the Mandalorian’s stopped their training to look at the group of Jedi’s walking by. Many of them who saw Revan became uneasy remembering how they had almost defeated the Republic until Revan and Malak came. Some of them even saluted to them as they walked by. Regardless of the attention they were receiving, they walked on to the command center of the camp. Heading over to the Mandalore’s once privet chambers, they sat down with Kelborn to talk about the alliance with the Republic.
“I think that it is a good deal. I’m just not sure how the other men will react to fighting for the Republic.”
“I think that many will consider it an honor to be serving under Revan,” said Mandalore.
“Well we can’t exactly predict what would happen if they even if they agree to join in the war,” Carth supplied.
“That is what I’m afraid of. I know a Mandalorian would not attack a Republic soldier unless in self defense, since that would shame him, but with the Republic troopers I don’t know.”
“We have the snow troopers to keep the peace,” suggested Revan.
The other party such as Mira, Bastila, Jolee, Mission, Zalbaar, Juhani, Visas, and Brianna just watched them debate since none of them were good with political issues. Especially Jolee. He would probably suggest that they just build a bomb that could wipe out an entire planet. This however was out of the question.
After a while into their conversation, Kai proclaimed, “Well, no use just sitting here. Might as well just let them know that they would be joining the war.”
The entire group walked out of the room, following Kelborn as he led them through an array of arch ways leading out to the center of the camp. When they arrived at the center of the camp, Kelborn cleared his throat before shouting in a loud voice, “Attention!” Immediately after this was said, all activity stopped. “As we all know, the Republic is now fighting a war it cannot win.” Kelborn proceeded to explain about Revan and Kai’s return. This brought murmurs to the crowd that were gathered around them. “If the Sith are allowed to succeed, they will kill us all. Especially with the new arrivels of the True Sith.” “What I ask you is this now. Will we aid the Republic in ridding of these pests and fight another war? Or will we leave the Republic to their fate, for if it is their fate, then it is ours.”
Many cheers erupted from the Mandalorian encampment. Many at the thought of proving themselves in battle, said things like, “Let those Sith bastards come!”
“The Mandalorians will be feared again!”
“I think they like fighting a war again,” said Revan sarcastically. Kai gave a short snort and continued to watch the cheering Mandalorians.
In about a weeks time, the Ebon Hawk was fully repaired and operational. Once things had been finalized, the crew took of toward Korriban a second time. However, they chose the wiser decision of making sure, that their were no ships ready to blast them out of space.
“Welcome to Korriban mates,” Atton said through the cockpit. “Aka, hell.”
I am sorry that it took so long! But since only bastil4u is reviewing my fics, (thanks for reviewing by the way) my motiviation decreased. I will continue to write though! REVIEW!
08-04-2006, 01:47 AM
sorry I haven't posted in a long time, I like it. keep em coming.
08-08-2006, 08:53 AM
Chapter 6: Impersonations
“So now that we’re on Korriban, we might as well go and enlist at the academy. Problem, is, who goes to the academy,” Atton said.
“Well I might as well go, I can just take off my mask and robes so they don’t recognize me,” said Revan.
“And let me guess, Bastila is going with you,” said Mission in more of a statement, than question.
“Visas and Atton were sith, so they are an obvious choice,” Kai suggested.
Visas, as always, did not want anything to happen to Kai, agreed almost immediately. But Atton continued to be, well, Atton and complained about why he had to go.
“The rest should stay on the ship in case something happens. You can also wander around collecting information,” suggested Revan.
“And how are we supposed to do that. I don’t think they will just give us information on this Force Collector so freely,” questioned Mira.
“You’re a former bounty hunter aren’t you? Figure it out,” teased Kai.
Mira shot him a look that meant, exile or not, you are going to die when you come back from this mission. After that glare passed, Kai visibly gulped. Even if it was only an exchange of friendliness, Visas could not help put feel a pang of jealousy at this. “Hey! What is an old man supposed to do in all this,” asked Jolee.
“What do you think,” scoffed Carth. “Hang around in the cantinas and act old.” Jolee gave him a glare before Carth said, “Nevermind.”
“Well, let’s exit the Ebon Hawk slowly. Otherwise we might cause suspicion.” They shrugged and silently agreed with Revan’s plan. Revan and Kai walked out first since they seemed to understand each other more. Next, came Atton and Visas with Bastila.
Revan and Kai decided to wander around Drashdae pretending they didn’t know anything here. Both acted their roles out perfectly. They gave nervous glances to anyone who passed by and silently whispered to each other. They went to the Sith Academy entrance and looked around. It was no more the ruins that it had once been. It was now an impressive structure with two guards stationed outside the entrance. Kai walked up to one of them and asked timidly, “Um, m-may w-w-we e-enter the a-academy.”
The guard looked at him annoyed and sneered, “Only students with the medallion can enter the academy. If you are that timid you do not have a place here.”
“O-okay. T-thank you.”
With that, the two left, not before hearing one of the guards say, “Loser.”
Once out of ear shot, Revan said, “Last time that I was here, I had to show the medallion to Yuthara.”
“Well, there are a lot less Sith around now, so I guess they’re making an exception.”
Deciding that they should go to the cantina, both saw the crowded place. They were full of prospective Siths and crews of many other ships. The cantina was abuzz with news of another army joining the Republic. Kai spotted a female Sith sitting alone drinking a class of Juma juice. Revan noticed her as well and nodded to Kai.
Kai walked over and sat down by her. “Cup of ale please.” He looked toward the girl sitting beside him, obviously surprised at the entrance of a handsome man. Kai smiled at her and said, “Hi there!”
She couldn’t fathom it, but he seemed to have an effect on her. Like even if death was about to approach her, his presence seemed to say, “It will be alright.” She smiled at him and replied with a, “Hi!”
“So can I buy you a drink?”
‘He is totally hitting on me,’ she thought with a blush. “That would be nice!”
Kai continued to flirt shamelessly, while Revan ordered a drink and watched them from the corner of his eye. The other group was there as well. Bastila tried to keep her eyes away from the ex-Sith Lord so it would not seem suspicious. Visas was watching Kai closely as he continued to peel information from the Sith. Nobody knew that Visas had started to grow her eyesight. She was sure that it was because of Kai’s aura that seemed to be a beckon of light for her.
Visas continued to watch Kai and his ‘girlfriend’. “I’ll kill that bi*ch!” Her face became a small scowl. Bastila, who knew what true love was like, saw this, and could only chuckle.
“Well thank you very much! I might attend that party that you said,” Kai finished with a charming smile.
She smiled back and said, ”That’s great! It gets so boring here sometimes!”
“Oh do you mind if I bring a friend along!”
She hesitated before saying, “Why not!”
Kai walked back toward Revan who was waiting at the doorway. “So, did you find out anything?”
“Well, there is a party later this after noon and we’re invited. Some soldiers and apprentices will be there to.’
Knowing that they had completed their mission, Revan decided to joke with him a bit, “This is the only time were your flirting comes in handy!”
Kai looked back at Revan and scoffed, “At least I could get a girl in two seconds! You have to go through memory loss and travel with one for about 4 months!”
Revan smiled at his old friend and decided to hurry up and finish the mission so they could go home. “Lets just of get ready for that party in a couple of hours.”
Tell me what you think! Oh, and the girls name is Salena
08-17-2006, 08:55 PM
Geez. Thanks guys. Don't reply. (sarcasim)
Chapter 7: Getting In
It was apparent to Visas and Bastila, that Atton wanted to lead this show. He was mostly talking to himself about how he could try to win a medallion from a Sith over. Bastila, unlike Visas couldn’t take anymore of Atton’s ramblings and said, “How about we just steal one!”
Atton thought for a moment by putting his finger up to his chin and said, “Now why didn’t I think of that!” He chuckled lightly before saying, “And to think I was going to suggest that you to find a Sith male and seduce him into giving you the medallion!”
At those words, Bastila and Visas pulled him into an alley way and beat the crap out of him. Even Visas was punching his face as hard as she could.
Kai and Revan knocked on the door of the Salena’s door. Music could be heard from the other side showing that the party had already begun. “So, you remember the plan Kai?”
“Yep! Hang with girl, talk with girl, get girl drunk, and take the medallion so we can get in!”
Revan sighed wondering why Kai never listened to his directions since he was his apprentice. The door opened to both of them as the girl in the cantina stepped out. “Oh I’m glad you could make it! I was beginning to wonder if you would come!” With that she pulled him inside completely ignoring the fact that Revan was there to.
Kai followed Salena toward a chemical dispenser where she pulled out some strong liquor for both of them. Kai saw Revan observing the other people at the party. Kai decided to do that to, and found there were several Dark Jedi’s there as well. As were some of the academy students. Salena continued to chat about how her day was as an architect. “Well, there were some rumors about a Force thingy.”
This sparked his interest as it could be the thing that they were looking for. “Really! Why don’t you tell me about it!”
“It’s supposed to be a ancient Sith artifact that Lord Draco wanted found.”
Kai’s eyes narrowed as he heard about this Lord Draco. He still remembered how he and Revan had encountered him in a Sith factory. Draco had proven to be deadlier than Sion and Nihilus put together.
“Hey! Did you know that some say Lord Draco had viewed some of Exar Kun’s most valued holocrons?”
“I heard about that! But lets get back to the artifact shall we?”
“Sure! Well they say that Lord Draco was looking for something here on Korriban. Except on the other side of the planet where it’s inhospitable. So the team that was sent there, that was sent to retrieve it, didn’t come back.”
Kai thought about why the Sith would bury something so deep so, that nobody could find it ever again. He was interrupted in his thoughts, when Salena continued, “So Lord Draco took two Dark Jedi, and a small squardren of Sith into the tomb. Once he came out, he made the archeologists get the artifact.”
“So what did they find in there?”
“Well, many traps were placed there. Like mines, droids and turrets that still work, gases that would rise out of the ground, and those things that the Jedi hunted in The Great Hunt.”
Revan watched Kai as he continued to talk to Salena about the Force Harvester. He paid closer attention to what they were saying since Kai had a serious expression on his face.
Deciding that Kai would tell him what he learned later, Revan continued to walk to each chemical dispenser, dumping the strongest alcohol in the party mixed with a bit of sleeping powder into each one.
Pretty soon, everyone in the party with the exception of Revan and Kai, were asleep. Both of them took a medallion from two Sith academy students that unconciunce on a couch. Before both left, Kai snuffed through everybody’s belongings, pocketing credits and stuff he thought useful.
A very bruised Atton laughed as he walked away with a medallion and a handful of credits. ‘Never bet your most prized possession! In a game of pazzack!’ He walked toward the center of Drashdae where he met up with Bastila and Visas. He noticed as how Bastila and Visas, had obtained their medallions as well. Being the curious one, he asked Bastila, “How did you get your medallion?”
“ I got Mission to steal it for me!” Atton cursed wondering why he didn’t think of it.
He looked toward Visas obviously expecting her to say something, “I knocked the person out and took the medallion,” replied Visas calmly.
“Lets go into the academy already. I just want to get this over with.”
They showed their medallions to the guard at the academy, which then let them through. They were greeted with other academy students gathered in a circle with who looked to be the academy head in the center. He looked up to see Atton, Visas, and Bastila walking toward the group. He stood up before saying, “I see that you have the medallion. Normally I would kill students for being late, but seeing how The Exile wiped out the Trayus Academy, and killed the three Sith Lords, we need recruits to stand up to him.”
“F-forgive us Master,” said Atton timidly. “We had just received our medallions.” Revan was surprised that Atton acted his fear part perfectly like Mission.
“Cowards are not welcome here. But if you die, you can at least give the other students here some training.”
Kai smirked, knowing that inside, Atton was probably thinking along the lines of, ‘Who does this tattoo loser think he is! I was part of an elite assassination group and Jedi Sentinel!’
“Since there has been a shortage of Masters thanks to a certain ex-Sith Lord and Exile, you will have to gain prestige if you wish to go into the ranks of Sith. Except the difference is that only two people in this group, with the highest prestige, will train as a Sith.”
Many of the hopefuls in the group had smug expressions on their faces, while a couple of them had fear written all over it. ‘Hmmmmm, they are beginning to interest me,’ thought Revan.
“My name is Ante. I am the head of the academy here and you will be training under me for the time being. If you disobey me, you will be severely punished unlike those spineless Jedi fools. You will each be given a room were you are able to sleep and change. If you wander the halls of the academy at night, you will be left alone in a cave with kinraths with nothing but a short sword.”
‘Enough with the threats already just get on with it!’
“To give you losers a chance or head start of gaining prestige, you can start by memorizing the code of the Sith from one of the masters here, or to give yourself an advantage later on, you may go to the Sith library.”
With that, Ante walked away. Most of the new students here were over cocky and most likely, stupid. Kai noticed a girl with short blue hair that reached her neck and emerald eyes, was very timid and shy. He observed her with the Force and found that she had great potential to be a Jedi.
08-17-2006, 08:59 PM
sorry man. good chapters.
I have deleted the chatty and spammy posts, this isn't a chatroom folks. This is supposed to be either posting fics or feedback. The normal forum spam and chat rules still apply here. -RH
08-28-2006, 09:24 PM
Chapter 8: Switching Sides
Revan walked the halls of the academy while heading toward the library. Deciding to pick up any information that would be available to him. Including maybe new lightsaber forms and force powers.
Revan had already reicited the code of the Sith to Ante who didn’t exactly care either way. He looked over some of the books in the library, which would give the history of the Sith Lords, including how since him and Kai turned to the light side, they made the galaxy weak. ‘That is just bs!’ Deciding that it would be best to take some of the books that contained some knowledge that would lure many Jedi’s to the dark side with the promise of power and all that crap.
Pretending to browse through some of the books in the library, Kai was actually watching the girl that he saw earlier with the short blue hair, who looked as if she was going to have to read a speech in front of an entire civilization. Deciding that a position among the Sith was not for her, he came to the conclusion that it would be in her best interest to join the Jedi. She obviously did not try to get into the academy on her own free will.
Kai followed her stealthily down the hall to the dormitory levels where guards were patrolling the area. She quickly began to increase her speed while avoided making eye contact with anybody. When she had reached her room, she quickly shut the door behind her and locked it. Kai used the Force to see into her room and saw that she was reading. He stood by her door and began to read a book of his own.
After 2 hours went by, he decided to knock on her door. She opened the door to a crack so that he could only see part of her face. ‘She really needs to work on gaining some courage.’ He now saw that she held a lightsaber behind her back to make sure that he didn’t try to kill her.
He acted as if he didn’t notice the lightsaber or her shyness. “Hi there,” he cheerfully smiled. “I was wondering if you could help me with a problem in this book?”
‘Ok Niomi. He could be just trying to kill you right here so don’t let him into your room. You have to be strong! For mother.’ “S-sure. Why-y don’t w-we just-t solve the-e problem right her-re!”
“Well, we could do that. But it’s pretty cold out here,” he replied with using just a hint of the Force. He smiled when he saw that she would always help some one if they needed if, he thought, ‘She really does have the spirit of a Jedi. But it is possible that when faced with a real opponent, she will have trouble killing that person.’
“I g-guess s-so. C-come o-on in!”
He walked through the doorway, taking in the decorations she had put on. He saw a picture of a man and a woman holding each other. It looked like she got the purple hair from her mother who had beautiful blue eyes while a smiling face. Her father had the emerald eyes and had a was pretty handsome. He focused in on him more as he saw that the man had the potential to become a Jedi. But he carried no lightsaber! And in Atton’s terms, “Jedi are supposed to be married to them.”
He realized that she was watching him carefully and had still not let go of her lightsaber. Knowing that she didn’t trust him yet, he decided to reassure her, that he was not going to be pulling any sudden moves. “So, who’s this?”
“They w-were my p-parents.”
“So where are they now?”
She looked down in sadness, he studied her eyes as they began to fill up with tears. He knew that pained look all to well. It was the look of somebody precious. He saw that he had hit a touchy subject, and said, “Sorry.”
She seemed to brighten up once she saw that he wasn’t like the other Sith who told her to get tough quick or die. “That’s okay! You didn’t know!”
“So why don’t you seem to be like the other Sith? I wouldn’t guess that you would sign up for the academy.”
“My m-mother has a type of cancer and needs money for the cure.” When he was about to interrupt with a question, she said, “My father was a pilot who delivered goods and things like that to Onderon, Telos, and Taris for the restoration efforts. But one day the crew was ambushed by pirates and the goods were stolen. They killed him when he stood up to them.”
She looked down in sadness as she recalled the painful memory of one of the crewmembers that survived, tell her mother that her husband was dead. She felt the tears rise up to her eyes, but were wide open when she felt a hug around her. “I’m sorry,” was all the Exile could say. “That doesn’t exactly explain why you had to join the Sith.”
“I-I hope that one d-day, with the Sith trainings, I could heal her. Even if what I am doing in wrong. But I just can’t lose her!” She continued to shake her head in Kai’s robes as she let out the pain concealed in her.
He felt sad that this girl is forced into a position, where if she doesn’t have the Sith teachings, her mother will die. But if she does, she has a chance of healing her. “I’m going to tell you a little secret.”
She raised her head to look at his face, to find his eyes closed. “The Sith won’t have the answers that you’re looking for.” She began to cry again losing all hope after he spoke those words. “But I know who do.”
She detached herself from him and said with determination filling her eyes. “I have to know who can help her! I’ll do anything you ask!”
“The Sith only know power and are selfish. So they will not have the means to cure her. None of them would even try. But the Jedi do. They are able to use the Force to heal the weak in a way that no Sith could ever do!”
“Like any Jedi would help a Sith,” she replied sadly.
He looked down toward her with a smile on his face before saying, “I would.”
The look on her face was priceless! Her mouth was a hanging uselessly. Finally coming to her senses, she said hesitantly, “Y-you’re a J-jedi!”
He nodded his head before saying, “I’m undercover here. Just as a spy,” he whispered to her. “I promise that you’re mother will be healed. But you have to promise me something.”
Niomi summoned up her courage before saying, “Anything.”
“You have to leave the Sith.”
Well, considering the support I recieved from bastila4u and Darth_Reaper, I might consider continuing the story. It might be a while before I can though so don't expect too much!
03-27-2007, 01:06 AM
hey im back. been a while still reading whens the next comming out?
04-06-2007, 01:13 AM
Is this after TSL, because if it is, Master Vrook and Vandar wouldn't be alive. Also if this is your Fanfic Thread, delete your other one, by editing the first Post and press Delete. Okay Chapter overall.
There are many fanfics that say that the 3 masters only played dead and that they used the force to feign death as kreia did at the start of tsl. I hope this answers your question
Sorry if i don't give my opinion i prefer to stay silent until I've read it all. Kai certainly has Revan's seductive ways. As I saw in many fanfic based on the first game Revan flirted with a sith girl on Taris...how ironic that kai does the same thing but on Koriban. anyway Excellent story im reading episode after episode after episode and frankly I can't get enough. I'd laugh my a** of if the snow troopers pull an order 66 and all got killed without killing a single jedi LOL.
DANG! why is it that all fanfics always leave off at cliff hangers, oh well very good! can't wait till the next chapter. Why do I get the feeling that the name of the fanfic refers to kai his new poor sith with ill mother girl friend? *lost in though* All in all excellent. one of the best fanfics I have ever read. And I'm a ruthless critic so it takes allot to impress me when it comes to fanfics, Yet this fanfic has me hooked.
Stop double and triple posting. This is your second warning--next warning will be your final one. I know you know how to use the edit button because you did so in one of the triple posts. If you have something more to say, simply edit your post instead of adding another post. Thank you for helping to not clutter up the forums. --Jae
Sorry I will pay more attention to what I'm doing and I will check ALL pages before posting a comment, also my little brother tends to use this account too because he's too ignorant to make his own account. (I've seen to it that has has stopped) by the way when is the next chapter coming out? COMING WE ARE GETTING ANXIOUS HERE. I wanna know what happens with Naomi and Kai. Are they gonna have a romance or just be friends? its been 2 months since the last chapter.
04-12-2007, 04:32 AM
This is pretty good.
The good things are that you have good descriptions. I can have an exact pisture of what is going on. You also have a great writing style, focusing on the storyline and descriptive illustration, giving your story a unique edge.
But some things aren't so good. First of all, your story is moving a lot too quickly. It is not well paced, as it is sometimes even too slow. Also, the things that your characters do are mostly out of character. Such as in the first few chapters, especially.
But don't worry, you'll get better. Just take in my tips, it'll improve your writing tremendously.
07-06-2007, 03:20 AM
hey revan its been about 2 months now and u havent posted a new one yet are you still going to make more?
07-08-2007, 12:03 PM
Chapter Nine: Discovered
Taking time to walk into the Valley of the Dark Lords, Revan was in his own thoughts. Kai had reported on what had happened between him and Niomi. Revan made Jolee go and heal Niomi’s mother who was going to be sent to the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine for protection in case they were discovered. After that had transpired, Niomi marched right up to Kai and demanded to learn some Jedi techniques from him. Seeing that she was going to be stubborn about it, he taught her the Niman form and Juyo. Niomi was now braver and did not stutter anymore. ‘The girl has improved both mentally and physically.’ Niomi had chosen to become a Jedi Sentinal, but continued to wield her purple colored lightsaber.
Seeing that the tombs of the Dark Lords of the Sith were almost the same, except for the fact that they had been cleared of the rubble that now once blocked their way. He noticed that there were many archeologists now dotting the once floor that were filled with corpses of past excavators. He silently walked in the shadows to hear the whispers of many of the students entering the tomb.
“I hear that Master Ante left a really valuable Sith artifact in that tomb which belonged to an unknown Sith Lord!”
“It’s supposed to be something that would give us 75% of the prestige that we need. But there is sure to be a lot of booby traps down there.”
“No duh. That’s the point. You think Master Ante would leave something so valuable in a place where it doesn’t have booby traps?”
“Well, no, but…”
“Than don’t be such a coward!”
Revan became interested in this Sith artifact and thought that he could spare a few minutes to enter the tomb. He used a simple force persuasion technique to make the group leave and entered the tomb himself. To make sure that nobody could follow him, he used an ancient Jedi technique to seal the door behind him only to open if he willed it.
He walked down the hall obviously surprised by the number of traps and droids placed in there. The tomb here had at least four times the number of droids that were in the tomb of Marko Ragnos. He fought his way through the battalions of war droids and a few wraids as well.
He finally came to a room that was farthest from the entrance of the tomb. Revan looked closely at the Sith sarcoughgus which had ancient writing written across it. He opened the sarcoughigus to see the mummified corpse of the ancient Sith Lord. Looking closer at the body of the now deceased Sith, he noticed that he was holding a holocron in the shape of a triangle. He would have destroyed the holocron right their and than, but it could contain information to the Force Harvestor.
He quickly put the holocran into his pocket before running out. The moment that he stepped away from the coffin, gas filled the room while the door closed behind him while the chamber became filled with it. He looked down to see that the floor was now covered with mines preventing him from taking a step further.
He used the force to surround him with breathable air, while slipped a strong frag mine under the doorway which blew it to pieces. Revan lept across the room to the corridor. He let the falling rocks to activate the remaining mines that took care of the droids that had suddenly become active. He continued to run all the way back to the entrance of the tomb without pausing. Revan unsealed the door that led back to the Valley of the Dark Lords and rolled out of the tomb to see Master Ante with three Dark Jedi Masters accompanying him.
“That was a Jedi technique that you used to seal that door.”
“So, what if it is,” Revan replied to Ante coolly.
“That technique requires significant amount of time of studying the ancient Jedi ways. You could not have gotten it unless you were trained by them.”
“I left the Jedi.”
Ante smirked before he and the Masters activated their lightsabers. “Wrong, Revan.”
With that they attacked him, Ante span with his double-bladed lightsaber in an attempt to sever his head from his body. Revan responded by igniting one of his blue lightsabers and blocking it. He then began to twirl his lightsaber in a flurry of slashes before pushing him away with the Force. He turned his attention to the Sith Masters who attacked him simultaneously. He twisted his body around in a fashion where all three blades missed him by an inch.
Revan snapped out his other lightsaber effectively slashing through one of the unfortunate Sith. He jumped to a safer location while putting two mines on the ground out of the view of his remaining opponents. One of the Masters ran straight at the mines causing him a painful death. Revan used the Force to enhance his speed catching the unfortunate Jedi off guard. Ante jumped at Revan with his blade raised with the intent to finish this fight in one fantastic blow.
Though he didn’t expect Revan to use the Force, to drag the remaining Sith Master toward himself as a human shield. The fight continued, as both parried and counter attacked each other. Finally, when Revan had had enough of this spar, he snaped out his yellow lightsaber, and swung it around in a beautiful arc, which effectively removed the right hand of Ante from his owner. Dropping down in pain, Revan finished the fight with a blow to his head from his lightsaber hilt.
Seeing the Head of the Academy unable to continue, the rest of the Academy studants present, rushed toward the former Sith Lord with blades raised. “At times like these, I wish I had clones.” With those words spoken, Revan once again engaged in battle, until Kai, Visas, Brianna, Atton, Bastila, Mira, and Juhani came to help. There were obviously too many Dark Jedi for the group to handle. As they cut down one, another rose to take their place. They battled right through the academy, all the way toward the Ebon Hawk.
Canderous arrived outside and was yelling, “What in Sith’s blood is… I’ll go get my rifle.” HK however, was already there and providing covering fire, which gunned down several apprentices. “Mocking Statement: Die Sith scum die! Feel the heat of my blaster!!!!”
“We need up up and away horn boy,” yelled Atton to Bao-Dur.
Bao-Dur was quickly making the preparations for launch, while Carth and Jolee were trying to make sure Niomi’s mother wouldn’t get hurt by the rocking of the ship. Once everybody was safely aboard, Mira and Carth rushed to the turrets, and began blasting away at their attackers.
The Ebon Hawk slowly rose of the ground, with Sith soldiers still shooting at them. As they continued to fly out as quickly as possible out of Korriban’s surface, Sith fighters came into view ready for engagement. “Blast! 10 of them,” shouted Carth from the turrets. “You hunk of junk, now would be a good time to work those turrets,” yelled Jolee.
“Angry statement: I will have you know, I am a highly regarded assasination droid and protocol as well, I also…”
“You can argue with him later, but now, blast those ships,” urged Mission while pushing HK away.
The ship fight lasted for approximitly 20 minutes, with the Sith ships being easily discarded, before jumping into hyperspace. Being the pessimistic one, Atton said sarcastically, “Well wasn’t that great! We had to work our asses of to get into the academy, and then fight a bunch of blood thirsty Sith, and all for nothing.”
“Not necessarily,” replied Revan. “Before we were all of a sudden attacked, I was able to get a holocron from a tomb,” said Revan as he pulled it out. “I didn’t get a chance to look at it but I suppose now would be a good time.”
As Revan began to activate the holocron, a computerized voice spoke from it. “Organic life forms detected. Scanning alignment for present Force users. Lightsided Jedi’s detected. Initiating self destruct sequence. 10…9…”
Canderous was not waiting to see how big the blast was. He quickly took the holocron from the table and ran toward the toilet. Quickly throwing it in, Canderous flushed it down repeatedly to make sure it wasn’t cloged. Looking out the window, he could still here the holocron going, “4…3…2…1…” The holocron gave a sizeable explosion, though not enough to destroy the ship, its size was good for killing a person or two.
“You’re right, we did everything just to survive an extra explosion.”
“Well we won’t be able to do anything productive if we just sit here,” said Juhani.
“She’s right,” stated Carth. “We should continue looking for more information on this Force Collector, but perhaps on a different front.”
“Uhh guys, you seemed to be forgetting that we have a civilian on board. I was able to slow her disease down, but only the Jedi on Corucant can really cure her. So maybe we should go there first,” Jolee said.
Just after Jolee finished his statement, T3 began a seris of excited beeps.
“Woo deee duuuu hheeeee.”
“Excited Statement: I believe the droid has picked up a distress call from a Republic Capital ship. May we please go and destroy those Si- I mean help the Republic?”
Kai gave a small sigh, “Fine, it’s not like we can really ignore them.”
“I better go check on our guests, to make sure they’re okay.” Revan walked at a leisurely pace toward the medical bay, all the while imaging about what the holocron might’ve contained. Revan gently peeked in to see if he was intruding, and was relieved that he was not. His eyes observed at how Niomi was gently bent over looking at her sickly mother in the bed. Niomi he guessed, was about 4 years younger than him, with her mother around 50.
Deciding to make his presence known, Revan stepped into the light, and made a short coughing sound to get the girl’s attention. She quickly turned around to face the ex-Sith Lord, as he said, “You might want to strap in and stay on the ship in a minute. We just received word of an Republic Capital Ship in need of assistance.”
“What about my mother? Is she going to be alright?”
“Jolee did the best he could for her and he managed to slow down the disease, but to completely get her cure of it, we’ll have to take her to Corucant so she can get treated by the Jedi properly.”
Niomi gave out a sigh of relief at hearing the news, and was now filled with new hope. “Thank you,” her mother weakly said. Revan smiled gently at the two before walking away to prepare for another battle. “He looks a little bit like your brother, before he was taken away from me and your father.” Niomi’s mother began tearing up as past memories reminded her of the son she had lost. Niomi tried her best to comfort her, but knew it was impossible. Her brother had been taken away before even when she was born.
07-14-2007, 06:30 PM
How does a Miraluka cry.I just can not get that out of my head.You get better with each chapter.Good work.
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