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Sabretooth
02-23-2007, 01:30 AM
Disney buys Warner Bros.

Ctrl Alt Del
02-24-2007, 03:08 PM
BANKRUPT!

Mono_Giganto
02-24-2007, 04:08 PM
Pass Go, collect $200.

MrWally
02-24-2007, 05:07 PM
Mr. Moneybags steals $200

Fish.Stapler
02-24-2007, 05:21 PM
Mr. Moneybags is strangled by the top hat.

Ferc Kast
02-24-2007, 06:05 PM
The top hat is burned by Jango Fett's flamethrower.

MrWally
02-24-2007, 10:53 PM
Jango Fett sets the flamethrower on fire, forever ridding the world of it's searing flame.

BF3pwnageACE
02-25-2007, 12:27 AM
The entire galaxy is swallowed by an massive amount of antimatter.

MrWally
02-25-2007, 12:40 AM
Antimatter dislikes the bitter taste of the galaxy and spits it back out.

90SK
02-25-2007, 05:07 AM
Spitting becomes difficult when you're dehydrated in the desert.

Sabretooth
02-25-2007, 05:18 AM
Mysterious aquafina bottle drops from the heavens.

Ctrl Alt Del
02-25-2007, 06:12 PM
Alchemist re-create the galaxy.

DarthAve
02-25-2007, 06:31 PM
The Alchemist get killed by hit men.

Ctrl Alt Del
02-25-2007, 08:10 PM
Hit men are killed by Nightmare.

Sabretooth
02-26-2007, 03:32 AM
Dream interpreting Psychologist quells the Nightmare.

grievous797
02-26-2007, 05:20 PM
The Psychologist is Dr.Nick and the nightmare returns.

Sabretooth
02-27-2007, 06:58 AM
Insomnia beats sleep, thereby destroying the Nightmare.

MachineCult
02-27-2007, 10:05 AM
Chemically-induced coma beats Insomnia.

grievous797
02-28-2007, 10:06 PM
Person smells pine-sol dude wakes up :D (sorry couldnt resist...)

Sabretooth
03-01-2007, 11:20 AM
Realizing that its Monday, the dude sleeps again.

grievous797
03-01-2007, 12:05 PM
roof collapses and hurts dude waking him up.

MrWally
03-01-2007, 08:02 PM
Dude dies (finally) due to rubble crushing him.

Ferc Kast
03-01-2007, 10:52 PM
Rubble is removed by a crane.

Sabretooth
03-02-2007, 01:47 AM
Crane driver goes for lunch. The crane drops rubble back.

igyman
03-02-2007, 03:55 PM
Another guy replaces the driver while he's on a break.

Ferc Kast
03-02-2007, 04:24 PM
The driver is killed by a car bomb.

MrWally
03-02-2007, 08:52 PM
The explosion is sooo powerful that the entire city is completely leveled.

That was one heck of a car bomb.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-03-2007, 07:11 AM
Subterran of the city still stands.

Sabretooth
03-03-2007, 09:03 AM
It decides to sit.

grievous797
03-03-2007, 12:52 PM
chair breaks and falls to the ground :D

DarthAve
03-03-2007, 01:02 PM
Lumberjack fixes the chair.... Yep, a lumberjack.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-03-2007, 04:58 PM
The lumberjack is obviously not a good joiner, since after 5 minutes after the fix, the chair crumbles again.

Ferc Kast
03-03-2007, 05:45 PM
Yoda puts it back together using the Force.

MrWally
03-03-2007, 10:09 PM
Yoda realizes he died "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" then vanishes back into the abyss.

Sabretooth
03-04-2007, 01:52 AM
FADE FROM BLACK

We see a grassy knoll, with a merry blue background and beautiful clouds floating in the background.

Samuel Dravis
03-04-2007, 02:20 AM
The flowers suddenly start playing Rammstein at high volume.

RC-1162
03-04-2007, 12:55 PM
somebody lets a lawnmower loose on the flowers

igyman
03-04-2007, 02:39 PM
The lawnmower sees some bushes that make more interesting targets than the flowers.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-04-2007, 05:58 PM
The bushes are too thick. Lawnmower proceeds to crush the flowers (lillies)

Sabretooth
03-05-2007, 05:09 AM
Flowers duck into the earth.

igyman
03-05-2007, 09:12 AM
The lawnmower explodes as it passes over the burrowed flowers, scorching the ground beneath it.

Ferc Kast
03-05-2007, 05:44 PM
A energy shield protects the ground from being scorched.

Sabretooth
03-06-2007, 05:31 AM
The energy shield gets scorched.

MrWally
03-06-2007, 07:47 PM
EVERYTHING gets scorched.

Ferc Kast
03-06-2007, 09:45 PM
Everything gets drenched in water.

Sabretooth
03-07-2007, 05:29 AM
Water is evaporated by uber-high-power torchlight.

MachineCult
03-07-2007, 06:45 PM
Uber-high-power torchlight is destroyed by SUPER-MEGA-DEATH-LASER.

MrWally
03-08-2007, 08:30 AM
SUPER-MEGA-DEATH-LASER feels outmatched by the Death Star.

Samuel Dravis
03-08-2007, 09:37 AM
MEGA DEATH LAZER remembers it's a hunk of inanimate material and stops feeling anything.

MrWally
03-08-2007, 09:33 PM
SUPER-MEGA-DEATH-LASER is saddened by your disbelief and blows up the moon to vent its anger.

Sabretooth
03-09-2007, 05:23 AM
SUPER-MEGA-DEATH-LASER learns from Yoda that anger is the way to the dark side, and hence stops venting its anger.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-09-2007, 10:03 PM
Last news: Yoda is dead!

MrWally
03-10-2007, 12:05 AM
Due to a conspiracy put together by the SUPER-MEGA-DEATH-LASER, of course.

Sabretooth
03-10-2007, 04:13 AM
Conspiracy is revealed by Conspiracy Theorists and linked to the US Government.

HK-42
03-10-2007, 12:01 PM
A riot breaks out killing the Conspiracy Theorists.

RC-1162
03-10-2007, 12:30 PM
Riot control police kill each and every rioter.

Ferc Kast
03-10-2007, 02:31 PM
The riot control police kill themselves

MrWally
03-10-2007, 03:23 PM
A huge nuclear war brakes out, leaving only cockroaches to roam the earth.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-10-2007, 03:39 PM
Mohinder, from heroes, says that God is a roach. As a result, every cockroaches are eliminated.

MachineCult
03-10-2007, 05:14 PM
SUPER-MEGA-DEATH-LASER returns and irretrievably atomizes Mohinder from Heroes.

Ferc Kast
03-10-2007, 10:11 PM
It is destroyed from the inside.

RC-1162
03-11-2007, 01:34 AM
The guy who designed it is sued by the brother of the son-in-law of the friend of the sister of a cleaner working on the SUPER-MEGA-DEATH-LASER.

Sabretooth
03-11-2007, 09:04 AM
This brother guy has a bad lawyer.

Ferc Kast
03-11-2007, 11:46 AM
The jury finds the designer guilty, in spite of the bad lawyer.

Sabretooth
03-11-2007, 12:49 PM
Designer mows down the jury with a machine gun.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-11-2007, 01:48 PM
He runs out of ammo.

MrWally
03-11-2007, 02:54 PM
And he commits seppuku once he realizes that he has failed.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-11-2007, 02:59 PM
The katana he used to kill himself is edgeless... He can't commit sueppuku.

MachineCult
03-11-2007, 07:20 PM
He desperately attempts to commit sueppuku with a fork.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-11-2007, 08:27 PM
He can't commit seppuku with a plastic fork.

MrWally
03-11-2007, 10:05 PM
Just because you can't commit seppuku with a plastic fork doesn't me he can't.

:P

He commits seppuku with a plastic fork and dies.

Sabretooth
03-12-2007, 04:21 AM
Suicide Hotline-people rush to his rescue.

MrWally
03-12-2007, 08:39 PM
Upon realizing their failure to save the man, they all commit suicide due to guilt.


zOMG TEH IRONY!!!

Sabretooth
03-13-2007, 05:30 AM
Irony is found in a sentence by an English teacher as a figure of speech.

milo
03-13-2007, 10:20 AM
Kermit the frog circles around Uranus and destroys Klingons.

MachineCult
03-13-2007, 10:53 AM
Kermit the frog is squashed by the Toad Croaker!

http://www.geocities.com/bucky_ohare_toys/toad_croaker_mib.jpg

Ferc Kast
03-13-2007, 04:33 PM
The toad croaker runs out of fuel.

Sabretooth
03-14-2007, 07:29 AM
Fuel prices drop to $0.1, so that O'Hare guy refuels it.

Ferc Kast
03-15-2007, 10:20 AM
Sniper shoots that O'Hare guy.

HK-42
03-15-2007, 08:15 PM
A shotgunner blasts the sniper away from behind.

Ferc Kast
03-15-2007, 09:14 PM
Shotgunner misses the sniper.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-18-2007, 10:35 PM
...But the shot hits a wall near him, and since it's BF I instead of BF II (he was playing), there's an actual area damage. The sniper is dead, very dead.

RC-1162
03-19-2007, 04:14 AM
The Sniper's best friend sticks his rifle in the Shotgunner's back and pulls the trigger.

Sabretooth
03-19-2007, 06:52 AM
Out of ammo.

RC-1162
03-19-2007, 07:32 AM
Sniper replaces the clip and pulls the trigger.

Sabretooth
03-19-2007, 12:38 PM
Gun jammed.

RC-1162
03-19-2007, 06:30 PM
Gets annoyed and whacks the butt of the rifle into the Shotgunner'd neck, breaking it and killing him.

Sabretooth
03-20-2007, 05:52 AM
Butt bounces off the shotgunner's body, magically releasing the jam, shooting and killing the sniper.

HK-42
03-20-2007, 02:26 PM
Shotgunner trips off the clif and slams into the ground.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-20-2007, 10:03 PM
Fortunately, the ground is full of pillows (?)

Sabretooth
03-21-2007, 06:29 AM
Pillows are sucked in by a large size vacuum cleaner.

RC-1162
03-21-2007, 07:10 AM
Along with them goes the Shotgunner and his mashed-up body clogs the motor.

HK-42
03-21-2007, 10:40 AM
The Motor explosed incenerating the shotgunner.

RC-1162
03-21-2007, 11:31 AM
The shotgunner's wife's new boyfriend sued the designer of the motor (deja vu?)

Sabretooth
03-21-2007, 12:07 PM
Designer of the motor claims it wasn't him. It is all Sony's fault.

RC-1162
03-21-2007, 05:06 PM
Sony denies accusations furiously while crossing fingers behind back.

HK-42
03-21-2007, 05:12 PM
Police officer sees the crossed fingers and the judge acknoledgeds the sueing. Banckrupting Sony.

Ferc Kast
03-21-2007, 07:18 PM
Weeks later, the designer admits that it was his fault, causing Sony to become rich again(while hiring snipers).

Sabretooth
03-22-2007, 02:37 AM
Sony's snipers kill the designer, hoping to make it a publicity stunt for GTA4.

RC-1162
03-22-2007, 06:19 AM
The snipers kill each other hoping to be the only one to claim credit.

Sabretooth
03-22-2007, 06:34 AM
Last sniper is sliced into two by a katana.

HK-42
03-22-2007, 09:50 AM
The katana has a heart attack

RC-1162
03-22-2007, 03:38 PM
A heart surgeon uses a defibrillator on the katana and zaps the heart back to life.

MachineCult
03-22-2007, 06:49 PM
The heart surgeon forgets how to use the defibrillator, but attempts it anyway and kills both the katana and himself.

Sabretooth
03-23-2007, 12:39 AM
Doctor's remains are thrown into a massive garbage can.

MachineCult
03-23-2007, 05:31 AM
Garbage can has a hole in the bottom and the Doctor falls out.

Sabretooth
03-23-2007, 07:22 AM
Doctor breaks his arm.

RC-1162
03-23-2007, 02:58 PM
A passing 8 year old sees the dead body of the doctor with a broken arm and wets his pants.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-23-2007, 08:33 PM
HIs pants are furious. It strangle him.

Sabretooth
03-24-2007, 06:25 AM
Boy has titanium neck.

RC-1162
03-24-2007, 02:23 PM
The pants grab a lightsaber and decapitates the boy.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-24-2007, 09:58 PM
The boy is so fat, he doesn't even have a (visible) neck.

Sabretooth
03-25-2007, 04:22 AM
Boy is forcibly locked in gymnasium till the loses 50 kilos of weight and neck becomes visible again.

RC-1162
03-25-2007, 06:35 AM
Pants thumb the saber on and really decapitate him this time.

Ctrl Alt Del
03-25-2007, 01:36 PM
Pants end the democracy and declares himself the Emperor. He then move to conquer North America...

HK-42
03-25-2007, 06:15 PM
The Secret Guardian of NA named Davy Jones(POTC Version) sends the pants to his locker.

Sabretooth
03-26-2007, 02:41 AM
Jones forgets to lock the locker and his consumed by the almighty Pants.

RC-1162
03-26-2007, 06:13 AM
Pants are sick of the water it soaked up and demands to be spin-dried.

Sabretooth
03-26-2007, 08:47 AM
Pants are sucked in by a twister.

RC-1162
03-26-2007, 04:42 PM
Pants come out again, spic and span and completely dry. It continues its reign of terror.

HK-42
03-26-2007, 05:19 PM
Ah....
The Pants fall over and gets one of its legs stuck on a sharp boulder and is ripped in half as the twister sucks him back up.

Sabretooth
03-27-2007, 01:48 AM
Twister twists the pants. <_< >_>

RC-1162
03-27-2007, 05:03 AM
The pants go to a tailor and gets itself repaired.

Sabretooth
03-27-2007, 06:55 AM
Tailor cuts his fingers, courtesy cursed scissors.

St. Jimmy
03-27-2007, 09:57 AM
ROCK DEATHZ SCIZZ0RZ!!!!!! (Joke)
He actually cut all his fingers right off, but that's okay seeing as he sewd (sp?) the pants up using only his teeth.

RC-1162
03-27-2007, 11:48 AM
The pants thank him by knocking his teeth out.

Sabretooth
03-27-2007, 11:50 AM
Teeth are actually enamel-coated gold teeth, and are sold by the tailor to make a hell a lot of money.

Davinq
03-28-2007, 01:41 AM
Gold is easily moldable, and so a nice hard bite or strike of a hammer into one would spell disaster on some rather expensive teeth.

RC-1162
03-29-2007, 11:15 AM
Don't get literal man, you're ruining all the fun!

@Sabre: Tailor uses the money to hire a hitman to take out the pants.

HK-42
03-29-2007, 06:33 PM
The hitman takes the money and shoots the Tailer. Because he is really aready hired by the pants to kil the tailor. So he gets dubble pay.:D

Sabretooth
03-30-2007, 05:55 AM
Hitman realises he is being turned into a movie and that Vin Diesel will not be playing him. He protests against Hollywood and loses all his money in that process.

HK-42
03-30-2007, 05:01 PM
The Hitman shoots the Hollywood people and gains THERE money more than his was,

RC-1162
03-31-2007, 12:04 PM
A dog comes and bites his groin and he spends the rest of his life in a seedy hospital on life-support.

HK-42
03-31-2007, 05:11 PM
The hospital gets the best medical care in the world and the hitman is healed but still mad, not to mentioned embarressed, so he seeks out and kills the dog.

Ctrl Alt Del
04-01-2007, 07:54 PM
The dog gets the best medical care in the world and the dog is healed but still mad, not to mentioned embarressed, so he seeks out and kills the hitman.

RC-1162
04-04-2007, 01:54 PM
You have two contradictory statements, since Saru said that the dog was killed. But eh, what teh heck :p.

The hitman drops a piece of metal which is ingested by a slug and excreted as a compound ten times more radioactive than all the uranium deposits of the world.

Ctrl Alt Del
04-06-2007, 10:24 PM
@RC-1162:What can I say? They were very good doctors.

People dig a hole to protect themselves against the radiation.

St. Jimmy
04-07-2007, 03:48 AM
Zombie dog finds a bone and desides to bury. So he digs a hole uncovering the uranium. Exposing it.

Ctrl Alt Del
04-07-2007, 03:27 PM
Dog eats the uranium.

Davinq
04-07-2007, 04:37 PM
U.N. takes dog and drops it over Korea.

Ctrl Alt Del
04-07-2007, 09:19 PM
Korea has anti-nuclear shells already.

Ferc Kast
04-08-2007, 12:25 AM
Anti-nuclear shells are "shipped" from Korea to Atlantis.

RC-1162
04-08-2007, 06:30 AM
Korea is saved from decimation at the last minute when the uranium in the dog's stomach decays into lead and the dog hits the ground hard, making a largish dent.

Ferc Kast
04-11-2007, 11:05 AM
Dent is fixed by a tree-hugger.

St. Jimmy
04-14-2007, 10:28 AM
Tree hugger is ironically killed by falling tree.

Daft Adidas
04-16-2007, 09:36 AM
Just as the tree is about to fall some woodchopper grabbs a chainsaw and cuts it inti little pieces. Sets it all the wood on fire.

St. Jimmy
04-17-2007, 05:17 AM
Fire catches on to lumberjack's highly flammable flannalet shirt.

RC-1162
04-27-2007, 05:15 PM
Lumberjack sneezes violently and puts all the fire out.

Ctrl Alt Del
04-27-2007, 10:11 PM
Lumberjack dies. Causa Mortis:Flu.

RC-1162
05-02-2007, 03:49 PM
The WHO set up a worldwide campaign to eradicate flu because the lumberjack suppled the wood that kept the fire in the WHO's main cleaner's house burning.

Davinq
05-23-2007, 12:55 PM
The WHO got killed by SARS. Another SARS outbreak becomes a worldwide epidemic, and suddenly nobody is safe.

RC-1162
07-13-2007, 10:56 AM
A bunch of chickens start using their hidden genius and develop a spray that eradicates all SARS viruses.

Sabretooth
05-21-2008, 04:01 AM
BARBEQUE

Totenkopf
05-21-2008, 05:06 AM
The chicken's hidden genius allows them to develop a heat resistant skin that defies barbecuing.

Sabretooth
05-21-2008, 11:09 PM
Chicken is run over by a 16-wheeler while crossing the road.

Totenkopf
05-22-2008, 12:04 AM
A hairpin turn causes the rig to drive right off the cliff b/c he can't break in time.

Sabretooth
05-22-2008, 04:28 AM
The driver had an emergency parachute for exactly such situations.

Totenkopf
05-22-2008, 05:44 AM
Unfortunately, he forgot to pack it and was squashed dead when the rig hit the canyon floor, cab first.

Sabretooth
05-22-2008, 12:06 PM
We realise that he was in fact, a Hollywood stuntsman in a fantastic action movie and is in fact, not dead.

Totenkopf
05-22-2008, 01:38 PM
However, he later chokes to death after eating a sandwich from the caterer on set.

Sabretooth
05-22-2008, 02:12 PM
The caterer is charged for homicide.

Totenkopf
05-22-2008, 04:37 PM
Being a Hollywood bigshot, the caterer hires the best legal defense $$ can buy and is acquitted of any complicity in the stuntman's death.

M@RS
05-22-2008, 06:37 PM
Then the caterer is sniped by Obama

littleman794
05-22-2008, 07:06 PM
Then the caterer's ghost came back and devoured Obama's soul.

Sabretooth
05-22-2008, 11:22 PM
Whodjagonnacall? GHOSTBUSTERS!

Totenkopf
05-23-2008, 02:20 AM
Who are then slain by the Stay Puff Marshmellow Man.

DarthAve
05-24-2008, 04:37 PM
Stay Puft is kidnapped, strapped to the worlds largest graham cracker, and taken over an erputing volcano located in Hershey Pennsylvenia... Smores anyone?

hellhawk
05-24-2008, 04:43 PM
micheal jackson is cloned 500 times. ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DarthAve
05-24-2008, 04:45 PM
Sent every little boy on earth to the moon, away from pedophila laws, so the Michaels would enevitably follow.

Totenkopf
05-25-2008, 01:53 AM
Unfortunately for Jackson, HAL is the AI on his spaceship and the gloved one is never heard from again.

Ztalker
05-25-2008, 01:01 PM
Too bad a clone is waking up in Neverland...and HAl instantly crashes by the impossibility of cloning..

Totenkopf
05-25-2008, 02:46 PM
However, the creators of HAL foresaw this problem and HAL was rebooted remotely and it sought out and successfully destroyed all the original Jackson genetic material and eliminated all the clones in their various stages of development, rendering the universe safe for all children (ok, at least the male ones. :xp: )

Ztalker
05-25-2008, 03:49 PM
But a still young crosdressing little boy still caused HAL to crash. The machine's goal and protocols of keeping the universe safe for all little boys was destroyed by this little crosdresser. Since the machine couldn't ID him as either a male or female. :xp:

(Dang, you make this hard, Totenkopf :) )

Totenkopf
05-25-2008, 05:06 PM
HAL does a self-diagnoistic and in a fit of pique decides to destroy all life on Earth, regardless of species or gender.

Ztalker
05-26-2008, 11:56 AM
But Marvin the depressed android fires the Point of View gun at HAL, causing it to self-destruct itself in pure teen angst.

Totenkopf
05-26-2008, 03:41 PM
Unfortunately for Marvin, the POV gun has an embedded AI chip that goes berserk and turns itself on Marvin. Bye bye, Marvin.

Ztalker
05-27-2008, 06:11 AM
But, in revenge, Ford spanks Hal with his towel and Hal get's knocked down anyways :xp:

Totenkopf
05-27-2008, 10:34 AM
Unfortunately, in his successful attempt to crack Hal with a wet towel, Ford (Fairlane? Prefect? Who exactly?) slides in a puddle of water, loses his balance and cracks open his own skull, his poor pink brains oozing everywhere. Still slightly off kilter, HAL merely looks down and bellows out a deep throaty laugh that shakes its mainframe.

HK-42
07-02-2008, 09:21 PM
The mattress,who marvin once told a speech he said to , picks up the towel and strangles Hal. (Yes a talking matress read the life the universe and everything)

topshot
07-05-2008, 03:10 PM
However, Adam West started jumping on the mattress.

Davinq
07-06-2008, 07:09 PM
The odd pair meets Mr. Fire, who promptly engulfs Mr. West and Mrs. Mattress in flames.

Totenkopf
07-11-2008, 12:05 AM
Unfortunately, this occurred on a water ride and Mr. Fire was promptly extinguished.

Davinq
07-12-2008, 07:28 PM
The water ride ran out into a kiddie pool made mine field, and their charred remains are promptly incinerated.

Totenkopf
07-14-2008, 05:29 PM
And quickly drowned out by the flood of water from the newly damaged water ride.

Rinku
07-14-2008, 07:08 PM
Which was sucked up by aliens who need water to run their spaceship that looks like a giant can of spam.

Totenkopf
07-15-2008, 02:49 AM
Which was then promptly transported back into the Monty Python Spam skit and destroyed so as to serve the spam within.

topshot
07-16-2008, 08:33 PM
The spam, however, was far too clever for that trick and developed an anti-teleportation ray.

Totenkopf
07-16-2008, 10:18 PM
Which, due to sloppy engineering, exploded in a power surge, vaporizing the spam.

Rinku
07-17-2008, 02:13 PM
turing the Monty Python skit into "no spam" thus ending the career of the actors in monty python, causing WWIII.

Totenkopf
07-17-2008, 05:39 PM
Which was quickly negotiated to a peaceful conclusion by the cast who then gained a new purpose in life.

Darth Avlectus
07-17-2010, 10:07 PM
One day many years later, anime characters are suddenly made into real people.

Totenkopf
07-18-2010, 12:39 AM
....and they become soo despondent about the state of the real world that they all commit suicide.

Darth Avlectus
07-18-2010, 09:21 PM
So immortals Dr. Hax and Hack Benjamin have it out in the graveyard where the anime-characters-turned-real-subsequently-suicidal are all buried, and fight an endless brutal war.

Totenkopf
07-19-2010, 12:15 AM
Which ends too soon b/c Big Baby finds out you're financing your eternal war w/his muther effing $$.