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True_Avery
06-03-2007, 06:00 PM
I debate this question to myself at a few points in every day. So, what is "love" and how do you define it, and how does society define it?

Now, I realize this is common knowledge to most people. But just to clarify why I am asking this, let me tell you a bit about myself:

Relationships:
My entire life I have never been in 1 relationship, and the closest thing I have had was a crush on a childhood friend that ended in me confessing, and the friend not being a friend anymore. In fact I haven't talk to that person nearly at all since. That was a little after 5th grade.

Now, on sex:
Not a single bit of interest in the world. Now, as being a healthy woman I know this should be odd and probably is. I have no interest at all in the act of sex, physically or mentally at all. Sometimes I view it as a waste of time, sometimes as something distasteful, sometimes as something completely possible to live without, etc. Now, I am still attracted to people but more on a mental level instead of physical as I see that jumping into bed with someone I find attractive to just be awkward. Usually this is called being Asexual, but I guess I border right between Asexual and Pansexual.

Now I see nearly everyday someone expressing their view on this and they seem to sometimes stretch far and wide, and sometimes are as simple as black and white. Females tend to see it as a mental bonding process, something much deeper than physical. Some men I have seen take it very mentally, but I see most just do it for the physical or mental acknowledgment that they have done something cool. I think it is both silly, and that is why I need you to tell me why I am wrong because I know I am.

Children:
Again, like sex, not a whole lot of interest. One reason being that I personally know I am not responsible enough or mature enough to actually take care of kids. Sometimes I see having children as selfish, or sometimes as being irresponsible, or simply an act of ignorance. I understand that many parents have kids and take care of them well, but I see so so so much more completely unprepared for what their careless one-night stand did or what their unplanned parenting plan did. This either makes me in control over my maternal instincts, or they are simply limited to none.

So, what makes love = love? What makes a relationship to you and society? What role does sex play in our current world along with the aparent Gender Roles they imply? Why do genders constantly debate between one another, constantly seek power over the other, etc? Why do some have one-night stands and others wait till after marriage?

I believe I have a good enough idea, but I would like to hear your opinion.

This thread is made to try and move the topic out of the Disney Marriage thread.

Det. Bart Lasiter
06-03-2007, 06:25 PM
THE ETERNAL QUESTION
http://jj.am/gallery/d/2626-1/whatislove.gif

True_Avery
06-03-2007, 06:32 PM
THE ETERNAL QUESTION
http://jj.am/gallery/d/2626-1/whatislove.gif
Haha, I knew someone would post it!

Darth InSidious
06-03-2007, 06:45 PM
I can't speak for society, but as far as I am concerned, I haven't found a better description than this:-


If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

In terms of relationships, I'm not a counsellor. My advice would be that if you find someone, don't go pretend - if they accept you, all to the good. If they reject you, it's painful but better than not knowing. Nothing ventured, nothing gained...

As for sex, as far as I know (and my scientific knowledge on this subject is somewhat scant), the sex-drive varies from person to person, and you may just have a low sex-drive. It's nothing to worry about particularly, as far as I know.

And children? Children are tyrants. I know from friends and family that children = kiss goodbye to your social life, private life, and most of your job and your sleep. And if you don't feel that you want children, ultimately, that's up to you, IMO. Your opinion may change in time, or it may not.

Why can't men and women get along? Because men aren't women, and women aren't men (except in some mostly quite unusual circumstances).

And I'm not touching the question of sex with a barge-pole. There are plenty of other people around with plenty of opinion and plenty more expertise in both arguing and in terms of knowledge on this subject. And my opinion on the subject clearly isn't welcome around here :)

To sum up: don't worry about it, it'll all fall into place eventually with or without your worrying :)

JoeDoe 2.0
06-03-2007, 07:01 PM
Wow Emp Dev, I never knew you had a soft side. :D
I agree with you. For me love is suach a trivial and complex thing. :animelol:

He summed it up, but I will really like other female members to share their
opinions. (a.k.a. Super Mod Jae we need you!!!)

Samuel Dravis
06-03-2007, 10:21 PM
Like Insidious, I like the biblical concept of agape love. It's not necessarily sexual or even gender-specific, so I can use it with anyone I feel like. Works good. >.>

Children are totally evil unless you make them good. There's a bunch of the psychotic hellions wandering around right now since school's out. Their parents largely seem inadequate for the task... However, if they're good I do like them. Perhaps I am biased, but I come from a rather large family and even then my parents were able to prevent us from turning into total jerks (to a large extent anyway :p). I have hope that others will be able to do it with their kids, provided they take the time to do so.

mimartin
06-05-2007, 05:08 PM
Like other emotions love is not something not easily defined and is even harder sometimes to express. Love and hate are powerful emotions and mean different things to each of us.

In simple terms, to me love is caring more for another than you do yourself. However love like everything else in life is not that simple. While I believe my last statement is true, love without respect for yourself and respect for the other person is empty and worthless. So while you may consider the personís happiness and safety before your own, without valuing your own feelings you devalue your feelings for them.

As for sex when you find the right person, one that you truly love and they are truly in love with you the drive will come. Not because of pressure or obligation, but because you each want the other to be happy and fulfilled. So I do not find you usual at all. I went though a period after someone I cared deeply about died where I did not care about love or sex for years.

As for your view on children I believe you have a very mature attitude. If that is how you feel about them then you should not have children. I consider myself selfish and self-centered so I do not want children either. To me having children means putting their welfare above my own or the person I brought them into the world with. Iím not willing to do that so I do not have children. Everyone says I am wonderful with children and it is a shame that I donít have any, but until Iím willing to put the child first 100% of the time I am better off waiting or not having any at all.

I really donít care how society defines love. Society isnít the one that has to spend the rest of their life (hopefully) with that person. To me it is up to the couple to define what love is and how they express it.

Nancy Allen``
06-06-2007, 12:01 AM
Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticle, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds.

Okay, you can stop groaning now. Love is caring enough about someone to do whatever it takes to keep them happy, keep them healthy, keep them safe. Where you seek them out just to see them, just to hear them.

Lord Spitfire
06-06-2007, 07:57 AM
Love is a chemical reaction, scientifically. When someone is spending time with another, and their needs and urges of their body agrees with them, there is a chemical reaction in the nervous system that sends messages to the brain, giving someone strong feelings for another. Once the chemical reaction is already esecuted, it is very rarely undone. The sad truth is that biologically, hate is stronger than love, and that chemical reaction can outdo love completely.

However, through the chemical reaction, once love is made, it can be made stronger by something much, much more powerful than the mind - the soul. The soul drives love until the couple care so deeply for each other that they value their happiness above their own.

That is my definition of love. :)

JediMaster12
06-06-2007, 01:33 PM
Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticle, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds.
I knew someone would post this :lol:

For me, I would define love as what Darth InSidious quoted from Corinthians. However being in love, I don't know about. Sure I have had the occassionally schoolgirl crush, I mean who doesn't. For me, I think I would end up either waiting for a long time or become a spinster. On a general note, people don't seek me out purposely to say hi and the like. Accordingly I am too nice, too quiet and to some, too smart. I have been pretty much a loner all my life except for the few people that I am glad to call friends and it is a lonely existence but I am too shy to do anything about it. I do actually hope that if I do find someone, they would like me for who I am, all aspects of my character.

Tonight I am actually going on a date, my first and to be honest I have no clue as what to do or say. In short, I would be the last person to ask for love advice but I make a good listener. Mostly I believe love is selfless and it is one of the greatest gifts in this life.

SilentScope001
06-06-2007, 03:49 PM
Love is a chemical reaction, scientifically. When someone is spending time with another, and their needs and urges of their body agrees with them, there is a chemical reaction in the nervous system that sends messages to the brain, giving someone strong feelings for another. Once the chemical reaction is already esecuted, it is very rarely undone.

Agree, but let me add in something else...those feelings exist because your brain is looking for a mate in order to pass on genes towards. This love causes the two persons to do an act in order to combine these genes together to bring about a brand new human organism. That is the sole purpose of love. To reproduce. The pleasure is there ONLY to encourage the meatbag to do the thing in question, and once the act of reproduction is done, the pleasure automatically turns off, as so to encourage the person to engage in reproduction again.

To me, there is no "mental attraction", if there is, it's all in the "rational" portion of the brain and not in the actual sexual drives. It's all physical.

Love is an inhumane emotion. Since the Human Race is better than animals due to its ability to think and reason, and since we cannot think and reason about Love, I think it is therefore animalistic drives, and it is these drives that should be CONDEMNED, not "loved", per se.

Love exist primarly to get us to reproduce. Now, I understand, it is necessary. Without love, the human race would be dead. But there has to be a limit. Love has outgrown itself. We are advancing to a point when we do not need love and traditational biological reproduction, like artifical insemmnation, test-tube babies, and cloning. I like these things because they use human intellect...instead of giving into these emotions that cause us to do these things.

And where has Love led us? To doom. Thanks to Love, the world is now overpopulated with lots and lots of humans who are consuming the planet and destroying it, and then they want to create more childern so that the planet can further get annihlated. Plus, love is inherently selfish, as you love only for pleasure and joy. Strip away that joy and pleasure, and nobody has any incentive to love. We got these silly arguments over those who cheat, people who sleep with others, and all this jealousy over "love"...which seems to me quite absurd and showcases the dark side of Love that no one ever stops to consider. After all, what started the Trojan War? Love.

And what's the whole point of happiness when it's only temporary and death comes quick and sudden? I rather devote my life to something more concerte, something...better, more lasting than sastifying my own "id". But that's just love for me.

...And to help out TA:

Not a single bit of interest in the world. Now, as being a healthy woman I know this should be odd and probably is. I have no interest at all in the act of sex, physically or mentally at all. Sometimes I view it as a waste of time, sometimes as something distasteful, sometimes as something completely possible to live without, etc. Now, I am still attracted to people but more on a mental level instead of physical as I see that jumping into bed with someone I find attractive to just be awkward. Usually this is called being Asexual, but I guess I border right between Asexual and Pansexual.

This is called "celibacy", basically abstaning from all forms of sex in general, and Catholic priests usually do such a thing because they see sex as distracting. My religion takes a dim view of celibacy, but I do see its merits.

I haven't vowed celibacy, because, despite my views on Love, which seems quite similar to yours, I could indeed "fall in love" in God's immense plan, and I do not wish to be a bit too extreme and attempt to resist such a fate. Still, if there is no one to love, I don't need to go out looking for someone to love, I can be content without it.

And as for childern, yeah, I share the same views as well about that. If I would have a child, I need to be responsible, and if I make one mistake, I am to blame for that, and it is better to restrain from sin than to attempt to do a good deed and fail.

mimartin
06-06-2007, 04:14 PM
Love exist primarily to get us to reproduce. Now, I understand, it is necessary. Without love, the human race would be dead.

While usually Iíd agree with your pessimist views on love I do respectfully disagree with the above statements. The emotion or chemical reactions that causes human or any other creature to want to procreate has very little to do with love. In my opinion the humans desire for sex come from our primal urge for self-satisfaction. Sex in and of itself has nothing (or very little) to do with love and the proof can be seen and felt from the real difference between making love with someone you really care about and having sex with someone you could really care less about after the act.

Do animals love? Does the common rat love its mate? I do not believe they do, yet they do reproduce.


After all, what started the Trojan War?

Who knows, legend states that it was started because of love. However, most of this information comes from the poet Homer. Of course a poet is going to blame love.

Nancy Allen``
06-06-2007, 07:17 PM
Tonight I am actually going on a date, my first and to be honest I have no clue as what to do or say. In short, I would be the last person to ask for love advice but I make a good listener. Mostly I believe love is selfless and it is one of the greatest gifts in this life.

If I may, unforced charm works well. Appearing to have a strength of character without being boastful does too. Most importantly, IMO, is to try and be a good friend rather than romantic. Let her come to you, you can play the Casanova later.

Speaking of which, he was so successful because he knew what his women wanted and gave it to them, I'm not sure how much of a position you're in to be able to do that, and Errol Flynn was utterly fearless.

JediMaster12
06-06-2007, 09:20 PM
er Nancy, I am a gal. My avatar shows me with my sis. Thanks for the advice though :D

Love exist primarly to get us to reproduce. Now, I understand, it is necessary. Without love, the human race would be dead. But there has to be a limit. Love has outgrown itself. We are advancing to a point when we do not need love and traditational biological reproduction, like artifical insemmnation, test-tube babies, and cloning. I like these things because they use human intellect...instead of giving into these emotions that cause us to do these things.
Deny it if you wish but we are social and emotional beings. We are social due to the fact that we suffer when we are alone. We are meant to be with other people. As to the emotional part, without emotion you might as well just be a mindless drone. Persoanlly having 26 billion people all looking the same and thinking the same, well it doesn't appeal to me.

Nancy Allen``
06-06-2007, 09:30 PM
Oops, beg your parden. Strength of character, if you ask me, is even more important for a woman. The choice between a Mara type and a Padme type is really no choice at all.

Allronix
06-06-2007, 10:02 PM
Love is where you care enough about a person to do what is right by them, and respect their wishes. They are the people that would make the world much colder and sadder without being able to talk to them, but not in the needy, clingy, fearful way. They're the people you'd take a bullet for and the people who can talk you out of needing to take that bullet in the first place. They p--- you off, but you know you can call them when it's 4 in the morning.

Darth InSidious
06-07-2007, 10:11 AM
Who knows, legend states that it was started because of love. However, most of this information comes from the poet Homer. Of course a poet is going to blame love.
Another legend states that they went to Egypt afterward, and contains all the key players from the story in all the key positions. It only exists in Greek, however, it contains uniquely Egyptian ideas, and I believe it to be Egyptian in origin, which would seem to indicate that it was over the theft of Helen. I would posit, however, that the competition was a later excuse to try and make Paris seem less dishonourable, and give a reason that fitted the epicness of Homer's vision.

Sabretooth
06-07-2007, 11:29 AM
Well, I've never felt the sort of love most people are describing here, but here are my 2 cents.

Love is a strange emotion in that it isn't straightforward. You can both love and hate at the same time, but not like and hate. You can not trust someone and love the same person, but you cannot like the person and not trust them. Love is something possible only in humans, I believe because only humans complex thought. Animals feel attraction and infatuation, but love is an caring more for someone other than oneself, which is rare, however hard you try to shake the myth.

Ray Jones
06-07-2007, 11:44 AM
Love? Love is a stainless steel eagle inscribed with hellish utterances, jet black, bristling with missiles and chain guns under a forty-foot wingspan that comes screeching down upon you on a moonless, stormy night. Its only purpose can be to destroy.

I've always thought I'd never to come to this point but I have to say I second that. :dozey:


After all, a rabbit must know. :max:

Windu Chi
06-12-2007, 03:27 PM
So, what is "love" and how do you define it, and
Love is the fulfilment of your deepest sexual desires and pleasures, also it can be define as the seeking of companionship, the strong affection for one, the strong devotion of one and well, to me; the intimate understanding of how such a strong emotional attachment, can have a complex effect on one's personality.
But love is a strong emotion, that can be fraught with the danger of extreme, jealously, hate, the betrayal of relying trust and the onset of extreme violence, that can lead to th destruction of one's character and to the suffering of others.

how does society define it?
I think society defines it as a strong affection or devotion that people have, that keep society intertwine and linked on a strong emotional level, that maintain a intense care for one another, that inturn keeps society from tearing itself apart and approaching the fringes of mistrust(jealously, suspicion), destruction(war, death), hate(fear of betrayal) and suffering(evil).

Well, that's how the weird guy sees it. :D
Y'all!

Bee Hoon
07-02-2007, 06:08 AM
Love is a many splendored thing! Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!:)

On a more serious note, love should *not* have such a limited definition like SilentScope says. For example, I love my parents, and I like spending time with them. I want to make sure they're always happy, to take care of them. It's horribly cheesy, but I do feel that way. I love my friends, which means I go out of my way to do things for them.

Love is putting up with someone's neuroses, and accepting them as they are while simultaneously helping them change for the better. Love is being there when your loved one needs you. Forgiving them when they hurt you, intentionally or not.

To be honest, I can't come up with a better explanation for it than Corinthians, but well...

You'll know when love finds you:) Whatever form it takes!

PoiuyWired
07-03-2007, 04:03 PM
Good Definition dude.

But the last one is a bit iffy. Sometimes just just don't know it is Love.