View Full Version : New Priest...

08-17-2001, 10:00 PM
Before his first mass, a new priest asked the monsignor for advice on how to deal with his anxiety. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:
[list=1] Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the Big T.
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper He said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", He did not say, "Eat me"!
The Virgin Mary is not referred to as "Mary with the Cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pully contest at St. Taffy's.
Don't refer to Jesus and the 12 disciples as "J.C. and the boys."

"Christian blood! I need Christian blood!"

[This message has been edited by brief (edited August 17, 2001).]

08-17-2001, 10:10 PM
How do I disguise this sentence as not being spam?
Maybe writing what I'm currently writing will be enough?

[This message has been edited by MagnusB (edited August 17, 2001).]

08-18-2001, 07:16 AM
funny stuff@!