View Full Version : [Fic] The Training of Jacen Karr – A Pupil of Vrook Lamarr

Marius Fett
10-26-2008, 04:45 PM
The Training of Jacen Karr – A Pupil of Vrook Lamarr

I had spent most of my life, almost 15 whole years on Dantooine, training to become a Jedi, under one of the best (but strictest and most demanding) teachers the Order has to offer: Jedi Master Vrook Lamarr.

I stood there on the grassy hilltop, eyes closed, feeling the cool breeze against my skin, blowing my hair slightly. I could feel nothing but a great sense of peace, a sense of calm. The Force was strong there, atop that hill, where generations of Padawans and Masters had trained together.
As I stood there thinking about this, I became aware of quiet footsteps behind me, someone was walking slowly up the hill. I reached out with the Force, stretching my senses out, feeling for the man approaching me. I realised who it was the moment I found him.

“Ah, this is a surprise, you’re on time for once!” Vrook said in his stern voice. “Have you been practising the levitation techniques I taught you?”
I opened my eyes and turned around. I bowed low before my Master.
“I have Master.” I replied dutifully.

“We’ll see, boy.” He said.
With that, he turned to look at the two large boulders to my right, raising his arms as he did so. “Do as I do.” He told me.

I felt a rush of power eminate from Master Vrook, as one of the great chunks of stone was raised from the ground. Vrook held it effortlessly, eight or nine feet above our heads, before gently lowering it again, leaving it exactly where it had started out.

“Now, you try it.” He told me. I nodded, turning to face the second rock, examining it in my minds eye, sensing every detail of it. Every atom was visibly to me. Reaching into the Force, I grasped these atoms, willing them to move into the air, to leviatate just as Vrooks had done.
I closed my eyes in concentration, feeling the power building in side me, I raised my arms, hands outstretched, and began to lift the boulder.

I opened my eyes again, I couldn’t help but grin when I saw that the rock was off the ground.
It was not as high as Vrooks had been, only about six feet off the grass beneath our feet. About level with my head.
“It’s a start.” Vrook said, “Concentrate harder, feel the Force, let it flow through you like water in a stream. Feel the power. Channel it through yourself. Don’t be afraid to dig deep into your power. To the Force, this boulder is nothing. And it is that perception of it you must have, if you are to succeed in this,”

I thought about what Vrook was saying, reaching deeper and deeper into my mind, into the Force than I ever had before, feeling the power wash over me. I tried to lift my target higher, allowing a little more power to flow through myself with every inch the rock rose.

I looked up, the boulder was now around two or three feet higher than Vrooks had been, I couldn’t help but crack a wide smile at the furious expression on Vrooks face.

I lowered the rock back to the ground, feeling a huge sense of relief in that I had passed Vrooks test.

“Hmm... Not too bad I suppose. It took you way too long though. You’ll have to practice in order to lift things quicker and more accurately.” He said, while fingering the lightsaber hilt in his belt.
“Now.” He said. “Let us see if your saber skills are as developed as your Force abilities”

With that, he ignited his green blade, raised it into a combat stance and said, “Give it your all.” Raising his head to look directly into my eyes he said: “I won’t hold back”…

I reached down to the saber at my waist, grasping the hilt and removing it from the belt I was wearing. I pressed the trigger, igniting a metre long silver beam of energy.
I had not been presented with a lightsaber of my own yet, as I had not yet passed the trials, so I had a training saber with a silver crystal. I would receive a coloured crystal (blue, green or yellow) upon the completion of the first set of tests, and upon my choosing of which class of Jedi I should become.

I held my weapon diagonally across my chest, a position from which both attack and defense were easily possible. Just as I got into position, Vrook lunged at me, swinging his saber at my leg.

I swept my saber downwards, then flicked it up, parrying his attack. This move left him open, so I thrust my saber at his chest. Vrook was too quick however, and he blocked my attack with an upward swing. I leapt back, using the Force to guide myself through the air, landing a few feet away from my Master.

“Hoho.” He chuckled. “Aren’t we the smart one”. With that, he flew towards me, almost horizontally, his blade angled at my right shoulder. I swung upwards, throwing him off balance, sending him crashing to the ground at my feet.

Once again, I leapt away from him, waiting for his next attack. He leapt to his feet with amazing agility for an old man, sending a huge wave of Force energy in my direction. Before I could do anything to resist him, it hit me, sending me flying several feet in the air, before I hit the grassy floor, about ten metres from where I started out. Guiding it with the Force, I threw my lightsaber at Vrook, aiming for his neck. He cartwheeled to the side at the last moment, and lunged at me as I lay on the floor weaponless.

I thought fast, reaching into the Force, I threw hundreds of tiny rocks, and a load of soil from the ground at him. He had not expected this, so he reacted only when it was too late. The dirt and stones hit him full in the face, preventing him from seeing me as I pulled my lightsaber back towards me as he hit the gound. As he fell, I launched my self in the air, landed on two feet and flew at him, propelled by the power of the Force.

I was ready to strike when he managed to regain his sight, and grabbed my arm, and then sent me flying with another Force Push. As I was launched away from him, he grabbed my weapon in his left hand, leaving me unarmed as I hit the dirt.

He immediately sprung towards me, both sabers angled towards my head.
He seperated them into a scissors shape at the last minute, plunging the blades into the earth, either side of my head.

“I win.” He said simply…


Well, this is the first chapter of my first proper attempt at writing a FanFic.

Please leave comments and feedback (both positive and negative) and i'll try to improve/adjust my writing accordingly.



10-26-2008, 06:11 PM
Like the start! :D
Definitely got the personality of Vrook across, I think. Very much in denial about everything. :xp:

Just one question...

Why Vrook? o.0!

Marius Fett
10-26-2008, 06:47 PM
For some reason, I just think Vrook is AWESOME..

Thanks for the comment. :)

10-26-2008, 07:15 PM
Awesome start Marius! I really liked it. I could just imagine it...

I see Vrook as a really tough military drill sergant, to tell you the truth. Making his pupils tough, in peak physical shape, and smart. That is one of the qualities that Vrook has, that I like. I do think that he is a little bit too arrogant in his ablilities and I think that you conveyed that fairly well in this first chapter that you wrote. My guess of why people don't like Vrook is probably because they almost have the Jedi stereotyped. They all have to be calm, powerful and reserved. And not arrogant. Vrook steps out of what you think a Jedi should be.

That is just what I think though...anyway, I like your start Marius. I look forward to more. :)

Marius Fett
10-26-2008, 08:27 PM
Thanks Rev. :D

More tommorow afternoon. :)

10-26-2008, 08:40 PM
I thought it was really nice, and like Rev, I could also imagine it.

Your title also rhymes. :)

Marius Fett
10-26-2008, 09:21 PM
^I tried to imagine Ed Asners voice in my head saying the lines as I wrote them, so if the dialog seems accurate, that's why. :p

I didn't notice the rhyme. :lol:

10-26-2008, 11:43 PM
Nice start. Vrook always intrigued me as a character. Perhaps, maybe, we'll get to see some insight as to why he is the way he is?
Looking forward to next installment :)

Marius Fett
10-27-2008, 11:07 AM
My body ached all over from that sparring session, as my Master and I walked back to the Enclave. For an old man, he’s in really good shape.
It seemed impossible that he could move so quickly, and not injure himself.

As we rached the courtyard, young Padawans turned to look at Vrook and I. They all bowed as we passed by, clearly in awe of my Master, who was something of a celebrity within the walls of the Jedi Enclave. We headed over to the entrance of the sub-level. Vrook took out his security pass, and swiped it in the card reader. The device beeped, then there was a clicking and grinding sound before the door opened.

We entered, walking slowly through the set of doors before us. Heading straight for the fountain. Master Dorak was there waiting for us. He was sitting on a bench next to the fountain with a young apprentice, helping him fix a hole in his robe.
“Greetings Vrook.” He said warmly, then he turned to me. “Hello Jacen! It’s been a while!” he said, grasping my hand in a handshake.
“Hello Master Dorak.” I said, bowing low as I did so. Vrook spoke to Dorak.
“Dorak, I have some business to take care of. Orin will be arriving this afternoon and I have to prepare for his arrival. I’ll leave Jacen here in the Archive chamber to study. He said pompously. Clearly happy that he, and not his fellow Jedi Master was the one preparing for this Orin, whoever that was..

“Very well, Vrook.” Dorak replied. “I’ll keep an eye on him.” He turned to me, “Jacen, go and wait in the Archive chamber, I’ll be along shortly.”
I bowed to both the Jedi Masters, and did as I was bidden. I walked slowly along the corridor, peering into the rooms as I passed them.
In one round chamber, around 30 young children, about four or five years of age, sat in a circle on small chairs, gathered around a Twilek I knew to be Master Zhar.

I knew Zhar was a great Jedi, if Vrook had not taken me as his Padawan, I would have been thrilled to get Zhar instead. He was a friendly man, and even though I wasn’t his pupil, he was always happy to help me in whatever I was doing. I stood there listening for a whlie, watching as he recited the Jedi Code to the young Padawans. Every so often, he would stop, and select a Padawan to recite the next line.
Even though I had learned to recite the code many years ago, I still found myself engrossed in his teaching. The way he explained what each part of the code meant enthralled me. This was a man completely devoted and dedicated to the teachings of the Jedi Order. Then Zhar noticed me watching.
“Ah, Padawan Karr!” he called to me in a friendly voice. “Would you come in here for a moment?”
I nodded, and crossed the threshold of the room. Walking towards him.
I bowed when I reached him.
“Is there something I can help with Master?”
“If you wouldn’t mind Jacen, I was hoping you could share some of your opinions and views on the Code with the class, so as to prove to these younglings that it’s not just old men like me and Master Vrook who think on these things?” He said this with a grin. I couldn’t help but grin too, as I imagined the look on Vrooks face if he had heard Zhar calling him an “old man”.

“Umm… Sure, I’ll give it a try!” I replied, turning to look at the young students.
“Good lad.” Zhar said. He looked at his class and said “Everyone, this is Padawan Karr. He is going to tell you some of what he thinks about the Code.”

“Hello Padawan Karr.” The younglings chanted in unison. I smiled at them. Remebering how intimidating it was for a young child like that, having an older student around.
“Hey everyone!” I said, in what I hoped was a friendly tone.
“Can anyone tell me what the first line of the Code is? Don’t be shy.”
A small boy put his hand in the air, shyly looking at me.
I looked at him and said “Yes? Do you know the answer?”
“There is no emotion, there is peace.” He said.

“Exactly!” I said in an encouraging tone. “In my opinion, this means that within a Jedi’s heart and head, there is no place for emotion. Emotion just clouds judgement, and gets in the way of rational thinking. In place of where emotion would be in a non-Jedi, we have a feeling of peace and harmony, which helps us to connect to the Force, and allows us to highten our senses to an extent where for other people it would not be possible.”

“Nicely explained Jacen.” Zhar said. Then he turned to his pupils. “You see? Even though Padawan Karr is not a Master yet, he already understands the Code, and is able to create his own opinions and understanding of it. If you all work hard, you also can achieve this.”

He then turned to me and said “Thank you for that Jacen, I’m sure it’s done them a lot of good to see that you don’t have to be old and decrepit to understand these things.”
I bowed to him and then turned to leave. I left the room and proceeded to the Archive chamber.

I entered through the doors, and sat at a desk, waiting for Master Dorak to arrive. I didn’t have long to wait. After a few minutes, the tall, dark skinned man walked in. He walked over to one of the bookshelves and took a datapad from one of the receptacles.

He came over to me, and handed it to me.
“I’ve just been speaking to Master Zhar about you Jacen.” He said. “He says you showed a great understanding of the Jedi Code. You should feel very proud. It’s not very often we can say that of someone so young as you…”

“Thank you Master Dorak. I do try.” I replied dutifully. Inwardly pleased at receiving some praise, rather than Vrooks constant criticism.

A tall, fair haired man entred the room, clad in the robes of a Jedi Knight.
“Master Dorak” he said, “Master Vandar says he needs you in the Council Chamber immediately.”
“Thank you Noel, I’ll be along momentarily.”
The young man bowed to Dorak, gave me a grin then turned and left.
“Well Jacen” Dorak said, “It looks as though the history lesson will have to wait. Go to the training room across the hall and practise your saber skills. You’ll be sent for soon I should think.. There is someone the Council wants you to meet…

Marius Fett
10-27-2008, 04:08 PM
Meh, I didn't have anything to do this afternoon, so I wrote another chapter.


I stood there silently in the training room, looking around at all the combat droids that lay in pieces on the floor. Several of them were smoking, or spitting sparks. They all had burns, or parts melted away where my lightsaber had cut through them. I deactivated my weapon, and a protocol droid entered the chamber.
“Padawan Karr, have you finished?” the droid asked in its monotonal electronically synthesised voice.
“No, not yet.” I replied. “I’ve practiced saber duelling, but I haven’t practised against blasters yet.”
“Very well, I shall leave you to commence your training exercises.” With that the droid walked out. The doors sliding shut behind it.

I turned back to the debris on the floor, thinking to myself about how much my skills had improved since I’d first started. I then raised my arms, and gave a gesture, willing the broken droids to pile up in a corner. The Force made my will a reality, the broken twisted metal shot into a corner of the large room, as though a wave had passed over them and was washing them into the ocean.

I moved over to the control panel, and activated the remotes. They came from a small hatch in the ceiling. I hit the switch on the computer, and the timer started. Ten seconds until the remotes began firing. I activated my silver lightsaber, and assumed a defensive position as I waited for the droids to spring into action.
I counted down in my head, locating each remote using the Force.
I knew exactly where each one was, and knew exactly where each laser was pointed…

They sprang into action, a volley of laser blasts hurtled through the air towards me.
I reacted immediately, deflecting the bolts with my blade, using the Force to guide my hand. I swang left and right, knowing that the Force would guide me as I hit laser bolts back at the remotes, watching as they fell one by one from the air, broken and twisted. More kept coming through the hatch in the ceiling, the supply seemed endless. I destroyed about fifty of them, and finally, only four were left.

I reached out with the Force. Creating a bubble of energy around each one. The bubbles were stopping the laser bolts; two of them were destroyed by their own fire. Then, I released the remaining two, using the Force to direct the laser bolts fired by one of them back at the other. Then I used a Force Push, to throw the remaining remote against the wall. It shattered as it hit, and hell to the floor.

Once again, I had created quite a mess; pieces of metal and other debris were strewn across the charred floor. I deativated my saber once more, stowing it at my waist as I used another wave of Force energy to sweep the debris and remains into another corner.

Suddenly, I became aware of someones precense behind me. I turned, finding Master Zhar standing in the doorway.
“That was quite an impressive display there Jacen, you have remarkable skill with a blade. I sense we will make a Knight out of you yet my boy.” He said, giving me a warm smile as he did so.

“That is praise indeed Master Zhar, coming from you.” I replied, bowing low to the Twilek Master.
“If you are finished clearing us out of training droids Jacen, there is someone the Council would like you to meet. Indeed, this someone wishes to meet you!”

“Me Master? Is there a problem?” I asked nervously.
“On the contrary Jacen, one of Master Vrooks old pupils, a most remarkable Jedi has come to visit his old Master, and has asked to meet you.”
“Oh” I said, breathing a sigh of relief, glad not to be in trouble.

Zhar turned around, gesturing for me to follow. He turned left, and headed down the corridor, past the great fountain, and outside. We walked across the Courtyard together, observing the peace and quiet of our surroundings as we went.

We came to the entrance of the main Enclave, feeling a slight increase in temperature as we passed across the threshold. We walked around the great tree, passing several students sitting, reading from datapads, or meditating quietly in the shade of the great tree.

We entered the Council Chamber, seeing Vrook, Vandar and Dorak standing there with a young man I didn’t know. This I assumed was Vrooks old student.
“Ah, Jacen” Vandar said, “Welcome.”

Vrook looked at me and said “Jacen, this is my former apprentice, Orin Jast.”
He turned to Orin and said “Orin, this is Jacen Karr…”

10-28-2008, 09:37 AM
Great work Marius :)

Keep up the good work.

Marius Fett
10-28-2008, 10:22 AM
^Thanks Sekan. :)

Should be another part later today.

Marius Fett
10-28-2008, 11:39 AM
“Nice to meet you Jacen” Orin said, walking over to me and extending his hand. I accepted his handshake and said “Likewise, Master Jast.”
“Call me Orin.” He said.

Vrook turned to me. “Padawan Karr” he said, clearly trying to make me feel “intimidated” by the fact I was surrounded by Jedi for more experienced than me.

“Orin is here to be examined for Mastery. In order to do this, he must obviously prove that he has enough experience. Therefore he is required to show some ability in teaching.

As he is my former pupil, and you my current, it has been decided, (he glared a Vandar, Zhar and Dorak) that you are to be his pupil while he is examined.
Zhar cut in.

"He is an extremely capable Jedi, Jacen, and you could benefit greatly from his experience. He has mastered certain techniques that even the most powerful Masters among us do not dare use.”
He turned to Orin, “Orin, would you like to demonstrate?”
“Certainly Master Zhar.” He replied, bowing slightly.

Then he turned to me. Gesturing for me to follow him into the training room nextdoor. I did so, and the Coucil came in behind me.
“Stand back” he warned, as he went to the computer panel.

After a few key-strokes, a small hatch opened in the ceiling, and a target board hovered down, and came to a halt, suspended about five feet above the ground.
He raised his right arm above his head, not taking his eyes off the target.

Then, he brought his arm down again, with lightning speed and precission, as though he were throwning a ball, as he did so, I felt a huge rush of Force energy, and as I watched, a jet of flame emmited from his palm, hirtling through the air at the target, which exploded on contact.

I watched, astounded and fascinated, as the target flew apart and as Orin walked over to where the Council and I stood.

“Force Lightning is one thing Jacen, but controlling and conjuring flame is much more difficult.” Master Zhar said.

Orin looked at the still amazed look on my face and smiled. “Maybe while we’re training together, I’ll teach you a bit about it.”

“I highly doubt that Jacen would be capable of this technique Orin.” Vrook said.

“Well, we’ll soon find out, won’t we.” Replied Orin, clearly not liking Vrooks tone.

We all left the Training room, and re-entered the Council chamber.

“Well, Orin, it’s a pleasure to have you back with us.” Said Zhar, shaking Orins hand and smiling.

“It’s a pleasure to be back, Master.” Orin replied, bowing to the Twilek Jedi Master.

Then, Orin turned to leave, saying “Jacen, if you’d like, we can get started with our training right away?”

“Really? That’d be great Orin.”

With that, we left the Enclave and went to the hilltop where I had trained with Vrook earlier that day.

The two boulders we had used for leviation practice were still there, as were the two holes burnt into the ground where Vrook had plunged the blades of the two lightsabers into the soil.

“Well, Jacen, where would you like to start?” Orin asked, removing his Knights robe.

“Well, Master Vrook and I did some saber training this morning, and I didn’t do so well, maybe we should start there?”

“Very well,” Orin said, draw your weapon.

I did so, igniting the bright silver-white blade of my training saber. Then I noticed that Orin didn’t carry a lightsaber.
“Umm… Where’s your saber” I asked, confused.

“I don’t carry one.” In combat, I use only my mind, my body and the Force”
I scratched my head, staring in bewilderment.

“I use Echani based combat techniques, no weapons, just hand and foot.”
With that, he assumed a fighting stance, and said “Bring it”.
I lunged at him, angling my saber blade at his abdomen.

He raised his foot high, in a sweeping motion, effortlessy kicking my saber out of my hand. Then, he deliverd another kick to my stomach with his other leg, before using a Force Push to throw me into one of the boulders Vrook and I had used.

I managed to avoid hitting it, by swinging myself over the top of it as I reached it. I immediately regained control, using the Force to hurl rock and soil at Orins face, just as I had done to Vrook earlier.

Orin saw this coming, and used his own powers to catch the projectiles in midair and deflected them down the hill.

I caught sight of my lightsaber on the ground behind Orin. I used the Force to ignite it, then made it hurtle towards Orins back. Orin leapt high in the air, aided by the Force, my saber missed him, and flew back to my hand.
Orin remained in the air, looking down at me grinning. He raised his arms, lifting the boulder I stood behind into the air.

He then tried to drop it on me, but I lunged out of the way. He brought the boulder up again, and tried to throw it onto me once more. This time I was prepared. I lifted the other boulder, and sent it smashing into Orins, shattering them both.

Orin flew towards me, trying to aim a kick at my shoulder. I ducked, and tried to use my powers to send him crashing to the ground. I almost succeeded, but at the last moment he gained control, and landed on his feet. I got back into a combat stance, awaiting his next move.

“You’re not bad, Jacen. With a bit of work, you could become a very good indeed! He ran at me, and I raised my saber, and brought it down on his head, he grabbed my arm before my attack struck home, and pulled it down, forcing me to bend over. As I did so, he took my head under his arm, and with a Force aided heave, sent me flying over the top of him.

As I landed, he backflipped, with my saber in his hand. I tried to get up, but he held me there with the Force.
Using his powers to increase the length of his flip, he landed on me. With my blade in hand and held it at my throat.

I had lost.

“Not bad… Not bad at all…” Orin said, helping me to my feet and giving my weapon back. “There’s clearly nothing wrong with your Force abilities, meet me here tommorrow at midday, and we’ll see if you can’t handle some Force Lightening…

10-28-2008, 01:30 PM
“Everyone, this is Padawan Korr. He is going to tell you some of what he thinks about the Code.”

Might want to change that to Karr. ;)

Marius Fett
10-28-2008, 01:50 PM

Was thinking about JA when I wrote that. :p

10-28-2008, 06:59 PM
Those are some great chapters, and I look forward to more!

Marius Fett
10-28-2008, 08:31 PM
Thanks Rev. :D

10-28-2008, 11:03 PM
Pretty good, Marius. :) There are several punctuation errors that need to be fixed, but run through the chapter once of twice, and you should be able to clean it right up.

Also, Force Lightning is considered a Dark Side technique. Unless Orin is a believer of the Potentium theory or a Dark Jedi in disguise, he wouldn't know how to use it, and either way, he wouldn't teach it to anyone openly.

10-28-2008, 11:38 PM
Yoda could use Force Lightning. Apparently. Because of how he could control when Sidious tried to hit him with it in RotS. If he couldn't use it, how could he control it. (I would say block, but it didn't really look like a block to me :( )
Although I do agree with he would not teach it openly.

I'm liking this story a lot :)
Great work so far Marius! Keep it up! :D

Marius Fett
10-29-2008, 07:22 AM
Heh, funnily enough, one of the first thing Jacen does in the next chapter is ask why he is learning a Dark Side power. Orin goes into a speech on how powers themselves are not dark or light, but how you use them determines what they are bla bla bla.

He also tells Jacen that practising it openly wouldn't be a good idea...

Anyways, thanks for the comments guys. :D

Marius Fett
10-29-2008, 12:50 PM
************************************************** *************
*Before I start, I know this chapter isn't overly great, so try not to be too cruel. :p*
************************************************** *************

The next day…

I waited there, for Orin. On top of that hill, everything was quiet, peaceful and warm. Dantooine was such a quiet world, a world where seemingly, nothing ever went wrong.

As I sat there pondering this, I heard footsteps behind me, I felt a man moving towards me, steeped in the Force. I knew immediately that it was Orin, and I stood up to greet him.

“Hello Jacen, good to see you here on time!” He said with a smile. “But I suppose you’ve learned a lot about being punctual with Vrook as your teacher!” He said with a chuckle. “Ahem, anyway lets get straight into it. Like I said yesterday, your Force control is very, very good. I was thinking about maybe trying to teach you some advanced techniques like Force Lightning!”

“Umm… Isn’t Force Lightning a Dark Side power?” I asked.
“No Jacen, no power is Light or Dark, good, or evil. It’s the user that determines this in how they use the power.”

“Oh, ok.” I said, excited that I was going to be learning a new power.”
Orin removed his robe, just as he had done the day before, and stood there in his tunic, trousers and boots.
“Ok, first things first. Firstly you have to learn how to draw large quantities of Force energy from within yourself, and more importantly, how to control it.”

“Reach down within yourself Jacen, relax your whole body, block out everything but the sound of my voice, and concentrate. Reach further than you ever have before, unlock your full potential, draw your emotions to the surface, hate, anger, use them as a medium through which to channel this new power. Shape it into something you can use. Imagine a bolt of lightning. Think about how how wild such a thing is, think about how it would be to tame it. Then tame it in your mind. When you feel ready, open your eyes and unleash the power, but remember, control is everything”

I remainded standing there with my eyes shut, for about a minute after he finished speaking, searching within myself, drawing my emotions to the surface as I did so, I felt a new power, rising within me, I channeled this power through them as I had been instructed, trying not to lose control of it, holding on to it as hard as I could.
Then, I opened my eyes, still holding all that power in my mind. I took a deep breath, raised my right arm and unleashed it. I watched in amazement, as a bolt of bright white lightning emitted from my hand. It followed the direction I pointed in, scorching the grass. I could feel the power, knowing the damage it could do. Then, I stopped. Lowering my arm, realising how wrong this was.

“What’s wrong Jacen?” Orin asked.
“This, this isn’t right. That felt wrong. When I did that, I didn’t feel right. I could feel something within myself. Something almost… Evil.”

“That’s alright Jacen, it was not evil you felt. It was merely a newly found source of energy. It still feels foreign to you. Give it time and it’ll get easier. When I first learned ot control fire, it felt the same as you describe now. These days, it feels normal, like levitating a rock would feel…”

“That makes sence I suppose, but about the ‘using my emotions’ part, I thought only Dark Jedi used their emotions to fuel their power?”

“They do, but you are not using them to fuel your power. You are using them as a medium through which to channel your power. The two things are quite different…”

“Oh, I understand. Sorry.” I said.
“Don’t apologise, it was a reasonable enough question. I asked exactly the same things when I learned these powers.” He said, giving me a reassuring smile.

“Oh, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to practice these techniques openly. As you can probably imagine, Vrook thinks techniques like this should only be pracised by “Masters”…”

As I said this, Orin put his robe back on, and gestured for me to follow him, as he walked down the hill, back towards the Enclave. We reached the Courtyard. I turned towards the sub-level as he turned to the main entrance.

“Same time, same place tommorrow.” He said.

10-29-2008, 09:56 PM
Hmm .... I think Orin, despite what he has said, might just be teetering on the dark side himself and is in denial about it, or is completely dark side and using complicated techniques to mask his true visage.

Yes, I probably over think too much :xp:

Nice chapter, and I am VERY curious as to which direction Jacen will head. Light, or dark?
Interesting indeed!
Can't wait for more.

10-29-2008, 11:19 PM

Marius Fett
10-30-2008, 07:43 AM
Hmm .... I think Orin, despite what he has said, might just be teetering on the dark side himself and is in denial about it, or is completely dark side and using complicated techniques to mask his true visage.

Yes, I probably over think too much :xp:

Nice chapter, and I am VERY curious as to which direction Jacen will head. Light, or dark?
Interesting indeed!
Can't wait for more.

Maybe he is...
Maybe he isn't...


10-30-2008, 08:48 AM
Yup, Orin's either a DS guy or a DS guy who think he's not a DS guy. Hmm, y'know what? I like Orin! :xp:

Marius Fett
10-30-2008, 09:11 AM
We trained together for several weeks, Orin and I. I learnt a great deal from him, and he developed a phenomenal method of teaching. I continued to learn more and more advanced Force techniques and my Lightsaber skills were growing stronger. Around two months after Orin’s arrival in the Enclave, Talk began of me taking the tests that would determine whether or not I was ready to be promoted to the rank of Jedi Knight.

Even Vrook couldn’t find much fault with my newly developed powers and techniques. With my Trials nearing, my training with Orin grew more intense, and the lessons progressed to the point where he announced he was willing to start teaching me Pyrokinesis…

I was in the Archive Chamber, speaking with Master Dorak about what would be expected of me in the Trials. It was explained that I would have to display knowledge of the Jedi Code. I would have to demonstrate my skill with a Lightsaber, and show my strength in the Force.

I had just finised speaking with Dorak, and was about to go and train in the Training Room opposite the Archive Chamber, when Orin walked in.

“Jacen, your progress over the last few weeks has been remarkable. You have displayed a great affinity with the Force, and I think it’s finally safe for me to teach you the technique of Pyrokinesis…”

My heart began to pound; I had been waiting for this a long time. Ever since I first saw Orin destroy that target in the Training Room, I had been itching to try it out for myself. Here he was offering to teach me…

“Really? Wow, ok, when do we start?” I said, grinning broadly.

“No time like the present…” Orin replied, turning to leave the room. I followed, walking behind him towards the exit.

We left the Enclave, walked across the Courtyard and out onto the plains. I started to walk towards the hill where we normally trained, but Orin stopped me.

“No, Jacen. If we are working with fire, it’s too dangerous to work in an area full of dry grass and trees. Especially for a beginner.” I nodded, following him as he walked on.

We walked for about ten minutes, when we arrived on the grounds of a man I knew to be called Sandral. We went past his house, over to the entrance of a cave…

“What is this place?” I asked, as we walked it.
“You’ve never been brought here?” Orin asked me, as we walked firther and further in.

“No.” I answered curious as to what this cave was. I could feel a stong Force Aura there; there was a lot of power there. The power seemed to be emmiting from the heart of the cave; I could feel a massive concentration of power there.

“This cave, Jacen, is an extremely important place for the Jedi. It’s where we collect the crystals we put in Lightsabers.”

With that, we turned a corner, and I was met with the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Colossal columns of crystal, blue, green, yellow, purple and red, all colours.

The amount of Force energy here was unbelieveable, I felt as though anything were possible here.

“Jacen, there are a few reasons why we are training here today. One is because the extra energy in the air will bolster your powers, making it easier for you. After you can perform the technique well enough in here, we will train outside, and you will use your own power alone. Also, in here there is no chance of you starting an inferno. Lastly, Master Dorak has asked me to collect some crystals for him.”

I nodded. Walking over to one of the crystal columns. I touched it, feeling huge amouts of energy entering my body.

“Right, let’s begin.” Orin said. He reached into a bag he had been carrying at his waist, pulling out a bundle of sticks. He placed them on the floor, setting them alight with a small gesture.

“Before you learn to conjure fire, you must learn to control it.” Orin said, gesturing for me to move nearer.

“Jacen, this is very similar to Force Lightening, except it requires a lot more power. Focus your emotions as I taught you; draw your power to them. Concentrate on the flame before you. Use the power you have gathered in your head to lift it, remove it from the sticks, and make it levitate in the air. Hold it there!

I shut my eyes, doing as I had been instructed. I focused on the Fire before me, willing it to rise into the air. I focused all my power on it, concentrating only on the flames rising.

I opened my eyes, raising my arms. I watched in amazement, as the flames burned brighter, and began to rise off the sticks, into the air, forming a ball of fire in front of my eyes.

I held it there, not letting it move an inch.

“Well done Jacen, now, when you feel ready, try and move the fire, use it to cut a crystal from one of the columns.

I waited for about half a minute, gatherng my energies, then I willed the flames to form a tongue of fire, and made them soar across the cavern in which me stood, I directed them towards a column of blue crystals, they hit the crystals at such an angle, that a small piece fell off, hitting the ground with a “chink”.

“Nicely done, now try something else. Anything you like. Be creative!” Orin said.

I imagined the flames forming the shape of a bird, I held that image in my head, and in my head, focussed all my power on making my will a reality.

To my amazement, it worked. The great bird I had imagined soared around the chamber, I had it cut more crystals down, it flew around, before Orin spoke again.

“Now, extinguish the fire Jacen. Draw the heat out of it. Let it be no more.”

I did as I was bidden, focussing on the flames before me. Willing the heat to leave them, I drew it out, watching as the great bird vanished from sight…

I turned to Orin, who was collecting the crystals I had cut.

“Looks like you’ve saved me a job here Jacen” He said, smiling at me. “Good job here today, I never thought you’d manage it on the first attempt. Maybe tommorrow I’ll teach you to conjure your own flames!”

“Really? Thanks, I would have never learned this much with Master Vrook…”
Orin looked up from the crystals on the ground.

“Jacen, it is imperative that you do not practice Pyrokinesis in front of anyone else. Master Vrook believes it is too dangerous for you to be taught.”

I nodded, agreeing that I wouldn’t show anyone my new power. Then, as Orin straightened up, putting the last handful of gems into his bag, he suddenly hurled a globe of white-hot flames at me.

“What the Force!”

I panicked, and instinctively tried to gain control of the fire. Drawing it to me, focussing it in my hand. I managed it. Just. I tried successfully to hurl them back at Orin, they soared towards him, he caught them in his own hand. Extinguishing them as he did so.

“Very nicely done.” He said.

“What the Force did you do that for!” I shouted. “You could have killed me!”

“Jacen, it was a test, nothing more. I would not have done it if I thought you couldn’t handle it.” He said. “Still, I’m sorry if I worried you.
“Ok.” I said accepting his apology.

“Meet me on the hill tommorrow at noon.” He said.

Just as I began to nod, he used a Force Speed technique to flee the cave, leaving a trail of dust as he went…


You'll see, Endorenna. :p

10-31-2008, 09:00 AM
I would have posted earlier had I been able to, but I do have something to say:

You have an interesting plot and an original character, but I think you're rushing the story too quickly. I think that there should be moments where Jacen is inactive and able to get into conversations with others about Vrook. I personally dislike Vrook, but would be very interested in reading a story about one of his students struggling to get through his lessons.

Another thing I would recommend is to broaden the horizon of the story. Instead of Jacen actually learning and doing, try more to emphasize the conflicts that come rather than a step-by-step process. Instead of 'training to deflect blaster bolts' try to come up with a fighting style name. This would show how broad Jedi training can be.

I think your story has potential, but I think you should focus more on the conflicts that come from training with Vrook. And slow down the story progression and allow the characters to interact like friends now and again. I rather like the small conflicts that come from everyday life.

I hope this is taken as constructive criticism because I like your idea, but the advice was simply in regards to what I like in a story. I may be wrong.

Marius Fett
10-31-2008, 09:06 AM
^Thanks for the advice Darth. :)

I'll most definitely try and do as you suggested. :)

Great to see you back in action. :thumbsup:

Marius Fett
11-08-2008, 11:36 AM
Ok, since a few people have asked me when the next chapter is coming, i've decided to just post it here to save time in PMing. ;)

The Fic will have to wait for a while, as I have a load of courework to do for school.
I have an essay to write, a music exam to practice and revise for, a chemistry test, a biology test as well as a few other smaller homework assignments to do, all for this month.

I should be back on track by the end of November, or early December at the latest as long as I don't get another load dumped on me.