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Darth Iniquity
11-05-2008, 02:56 PM
“What have I done?

“If only I was as strong as my son is. If only I could have been the Jedi he is now, the pain and agony I have caused to so many across the galaxy, the death and destruction at my hand avoided. My pain, my agony it has all been my fault for not being stronger. Now at the end I can see I was not so powerful, not wise in any way. I was only a weak, selfish, close-minded fool. All of this was because I fooled myself thinking I could save the one I love; and now here in front of me the son I have yet to know sentenced to death, again because of my decisions. If only I was stronger then.

“Power and strength are not the same are they. I was powerful, yet so weak. Now look at me, my powers only a glimmer of what they were before. How can I have lived, if you call this living, for so long with the power I have and be so worthless? Feared throughout the Galaxy, yet I am a total failure. All of the death I have caused. All of the eyes I have looked into as their bodies went limp and their spirits became one with the Force and the one creature I should have killed, the one abomination whose eradication could have ended so much suffering by uncountable masses; not only lives but also I still call him Master.

“Of course, I knew the treacherous plan. It is the way of the Sith, betrayal and casting aside the weak when a stronger ally emerges. I am not surprised, not even angry. Deep inside I knew this would come to fruition and in a way, I was proud of my son. Proud of the power he could wield. I was proud that as a whole person he could be what I am not. He could overthrow my Master in time and fulfill the destiny I thought was mine even if it meant he had to kill me in the process. I see now however, he is better than that. Stronger than I have ever been and he is the Jedi I should have been. Given the same choice I had, and feeling the power of the Dark Side that like me, helped him in disarming a Sith Lord, unlike me though, who took my steps down that long lonely hallway when I decapitated Lord Tyrannous, he was able to turn away from the Dark and stand strong against the will of my Master. It is strange now to acknowledge this feeling. Torn by the sadness I have now as the Force Lightning eats away at his life, I cannot remember the last time I felt this type of emotion. I feel proud, almost happy at whom Luke has become, and I am letting him die.

“I have been so sad my whole life maybe that is why I have been the vile and disgusting creature I am. Nevertheless, causing death and suffering to all who I encounter has not alleviated the sadness. How I thought it could? I do not know. Now I see, feeling the same emotions I had when I learned that Padme was pregnant yet still fighting the visions of her imminent death. Pride mixed with terror and all I have ever done is make the most selfish decisions, and in turn just increased my misery, and all at the expense of others.

“How could I have been so blind? I should have seen his treachery sooner. I should have seen he caused those visions of Padme’s death. I should have felt the Dark Side and his evil when he ordered me to kill Dooku, my first real steps as his dark apprentice. I should have killed him when he admitted to me that he was a Sith Lord. I should have helped Master Windu destroy this beast rather than killing such a great Jedi. I should have turned away at the order to enter the Jedi Temple. I should have been strong like my Son. So many wrong decisions I should have known better.

“I can kill him now. I can maybe save my son. It will not make up for all the horrors of my life, I do not pretend think that but even if it means I die in the process, I can make the right decision just once.”

Calling on the Dark Side and harnessing the hate for the Emperor, the agony of his tortured son and all of the torment and sadness from a lifetime of self-pity Darth Vader turned on his Master. With the emotion of the Dark Side and the righteousness of the Light filling him this act was not done in the traditional way of the Sith to seize power and become the Master but to finally fulfill his destiny, to destroy the Sith. As the Emperor,’s lighting turned on him and short-circuited his limbs and breathing apparatus it was only by his will and by the Force Anakin Skywalker hurled his former Master toward the reactor core, and his death.

Endorenna
11-21-2008, 12:41 AM
Hmm. This is an interesting one, but it has problems. It's very confusing. I don't get the reference to Vader decapitating Tyrannos. As far as I can remember, he never did that...:confused:

Also, the grammer needs work.

Chevron 7 locke
11-21-2008, 04:51 AM
This story was kinda confusing but still pretty good

JediMaster12
11-26-2008, 01:02 PM
Actually Vader did decapitate Tyrannus in Ep. III when he was Anakin Skywalker on board Griveous' ship.

This is a nice piece about internal conflict though there are some changes I think that could make it better. For most of the piece you have it set in the first person with Vader thinking about what is happening now and what happened then. I think you should have continued that throughout the whole thing. It gets confusing when you suddenly switch from one to the other without line breaks. What would work is to have the last paragraph written as seen through Vader's eyes meaning that it describes him grabbing the Emperor and his thoughts that I know I may die but I saved my son etc. You should also remove the beginning quotes. Since the whole piece would be written in the first person you wouldn't need thought quotes.

That is just a suggestion. I know how difficult it is to write in the first person. My trilogy proves that a bit ;) Still you had a good flow but I would seriously consider having someone read your work before posting so as to find any errors that may be there i.e. spelling and grammar.

Darth Iniquity
11-26-2008, 06:13 PM
*snip*For most of the piece you have it set in the first person with Vader thinking about what is happening now and what happened then. I think you should have continued that throughout the whole thing. ... What would work is to have the last paragraph written as seen through Vader's eyes meaning that it describes him grabbing the Emperor and his thoughts that I know I may die but I saved my son etc.

oh that would have been much better. I had some conflict whether I should jump back and forth between description and the internal dialog or leave the whole thing first person. In the end I wasn't very happy with how the flow hiccupped going into the last paragraph but was unsure how to solve it.

I'm wondering as well for those confused, should I have "set the scene" and started off saying this is Vader's internal dialog as the Emperor attacks Luke the Force Lightning? My original idea was that part of the interest in the story was the kind of unfolding of the subject and the discovery. Am i wrong on that point?

spelling and grammar.

Besides me spelling Tyranus - Tyrannous to make the spell check happy are there really many spelling or grammar errors? I was pushed for time with computer access so didn't have more than a few hours available from idea to submission, with no real revision time. I'm not a writer but I thought I proofed it pretty well, at this point yeah i need these pointed out to me because i'm not seeing issues... though it is my own work so of course it is tough to see.

Endorenna
11-26-2008, 06:39 PM
Hmm. This is an interesting one, but it has problems. It's very confusing. I don't get the reference to Vader decapitating Tyrannos. As far as I can remember, he never did that...:confused:

Also, the grammer needs work.

(knocks head) Sorry, it was late when I read this, and I was getting Tyrannous and Sidious mixed up. :dozey: Sorry about that! :o