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Chevron 7 locke
11-07-2008, 03:10 AM
(This is my first story and believe me, it's an odd one.)

Citidal Station.

A lone Figure sat at a table in the Cantina. The figure was nursing a Large glass of juma.

The Jedi exile, known better to her friends as Shil'ya was stone drunk.

And she really didn't carewho knew.

"Stupid Kreia," she muttered into her mug.

Shil'ya wasn't that fond of Kreia, the old woman was always tellling her to let people learn from their pain, always telling her to view her fellow crew members as tools, and the lectures, the endless, boring lectures. So, earlier today, while docked at the citidal, Kreia had tried teaching Shil'ya more about force forms. Shil'ya had simply nodded her head in agreement whenever Kreia stopped for breath. This tactic had worked pretty well for the first twenty minutes.

Until Kreia didn't start lecturing again.

Shil'ya had looked at Kreia and her face had basiclly gone a pale shade of white from fear.

Kreia was giving her the Death glare she normally reserved for Atton.

And for one of the few times in her life, Shil'ya had been terrified.

Kreia had simply glared at her, and then turned her back to her and told her to leave.

Shil'ya had gotten off the ship as quietly and quickly as she could to avoid further humiliation.

And wasn't really planning on going back to the ship anytime in the near future, not while Kreia was still mad at her.

Shil'ya was waiting for the "It's safe to return to the Hawk" signal that either Atton or the Handmaiden would be delivering

She had been waiting for nearly five hours.

She was NOT heading back to the ship without the all clear signal. She knew what Kreia was capable of, How long that old woman could hold a grudge. Shil'ya shuddered in fear just thinking of what Kreia would do to her.

Shil'ya didn't turn around as she felt someone slide into the seat next to her.

"Hey*Hic* Handmaiden! I-Is it safe to get b-back on the Hawk Y-Y-Yet?"

"No."

Shil'ya noticed the funny look on the Handmaiden's face.

I-Is anyone*Hic* left on the ship?"

The Handmaiden shook her head. "No."

"That bad huh?"

"Yes."

As the Handmaiden got up to leave, Shil'ya grabbed her arm. "Cmon Handmaiden, you*Hic*need a drink."

"Atris has forbidden us to have intoxicants of any type, She says they will lead one down the path of the dark side."

Shil'ya couldn't help herself, she fell off of her stool and laughed.

The Handmaiden looked confused. "What is so funny?"

Shil'ya finally managed to stop laughing long enough to talk. "Y-You*Hic* are Handmaiden! Drinks don't lead to the darks-side, killing people with a lightsaber and killing p-people with the force leads to the darkside, at least I think it does. N-Now sit down and have some J-Juma."

The Handmaiden took a small glass of Juma and took a sip, savoring the flavor...and then she pounded the whole glass down in one gulp.

"T-that*Hic* good huh?"

The Handmaiden simply nodded and began pouring herself a much larger glass.

"C-Careful Handmaiden, that s-stuff*hic* catches up with you pretty fast."

If the Handmaiden heard her she gave no notice.

Ah well...how bad can a drunkn Echani Handmaiden be?

Thirty minutes later.

"Nice K-Kick Handmaiden!" Shil'ya shouted as another mercenary was knocked over the top of the bar.
"W-Why*Hic* Thank you*Hic* exile!"

It had all started around thirty minutes ago.

A group of mercenaries had come up the the table and had offered to show the two ladies a "Good Time." Shil'ya had laughed and then shook her head no, while the Handmaiden had looked at them, not really comprehending what they were saying. Finally, Shil'ya told her the double meaning of the word. And then the Handmaiden had simply got up and slugged one of the mercenaries, right in the face.

No Warrior Code
No Rules of combat.
No Echani training.

The Handmaiden had then grabbed Shil'ya and pulled her on top of the table where they were sitting, and the battle had begun.

Soon after, one of the mercenaries had managed to crawl away from his defeated friends and had brought in reinforcements from the czerka offices.

Now Shil'ya and and a very drunkn Echani handmaiden were standing on top of a table kicking away angry mercenaries.

Shil'ya couldn't help it. she laughed, It was so crazy she started laughing, drawing a curious glance from the Handmaiden.

If only Master Vrook could see me now...



Five minutes Later.

Shil'ya and The Handmaiden were now offically retreating from the barfight.

A jedi and a drunken Echani could only hold off so many before the numbers started to pile up to be more then they could handle.

Shil'ya had suggested they run when the Handmaiden had launched a mercenary into a table of Wookies who were already quite drunk.

Then the Wookies had gone after the mercenaries.

Then TSF security officers had attempted to break up the brawl.

Then a group of Trandoshans had walked into the bar and had gone after the wookies for their pelts.

When Shil'ya and her Echani Handmaiden had left, the bar had been filled with Wookies, Trandoshans, Mercenaries, TSF security officers, all of them fighting it out with one another.

Now Shil'ya and Handmaiden were trying to avoid a few of the mercenaries who wanted to take matters concerning the two woman into their own hands.

Now the two woman were trying to force their way into a locked apartment.

"Hurry*Hic* Exile! I-I can hear them *Hic* getting closer!"
"J-Just a*Hic* second..."
"Exile..."
"There*Hic*! It's open!"

The two women quickly entered the apartment then sealed the door behind them. Just as they heard an angry chorus of mercenary voices run past the apartment.

"W-What do we do now Exile?"

"D-Did*Hic* you grab anything before the fight s-started?"

The Handmaiden nodded and reached into the pockets of her jumpsuit.

Shil'ya's eyes filled with happiness when she saw what the Handmaiden had grabbed.

A bottle of Juma juice, two small glasses of duros ale and a bottle of Dantooine fire whisky.

"How the hell did you get all of that?! And how did you manage to fit it all in your pockets?"

The Handmaiden merely shrugged and started pulling the cap off the bottle of fire whisky.

Shil'ya grinned at her and grabbed a small glass of Duros Ale. "Cheers!"
The Handmaiden smiled drunkenly and lifted another small glass of Duros Ale, "C-Cheers!*Hic*"

The Next Morning.

Shil'ya woke up with a splitting headache.

What did I do last night? My head feels like it's gonna split open...

Then it all started coming back to her,

Juma juice, Wookies, More Juma juice, barfight with a drunken Echani handmaiden, Even more Juma Juice, mercenaries, running, TSF officers, breaking into an apartment.

Shil'ya looked slowly around the room.

Bottles were everywhere. Juma bottles, glasses of duros ale, Bottles of every shape and size littered the apartment.

How many bottles of booze can a jedi and a drunken Echani go through in one night?!

And then Shil'ya saw something that made her raise her eyes in confusion.

Her robes and the Handmaiden's jumpsuit were both thrown off into a far off corner of the room.

Shil'ya slowly looked down at herself.

Oh force, I'm naked.

Where was the Handmaiden?

And then Shil'ya became aware that someone else was in the bed she was laying in.

Shil'ya slowly turned over to gaze upon a sleeping Handmaiden.

What the hell did we do last night?! And why is she nake-ohhhhh...I didn't. Did I?

Shil'ya, very carefully and very slowly got out of the bed and began to put her robes back on. Even though Shil'ya was trying to minimize her movements, she still somehow managed to accidently fall back on the bed shortly after getting up.

This isn't going to end well, I can feel it in my bones, The Handmaiden is never going to speak to me again.

"Uh, good morning Handmaiden."

"Greetings Exile."

"I...suppose your wondering why your head hurts..."

"Yes."

"Do you remember anything that happend last night?"

"...yes, I recall fighting mercenaries in a bar, and...something about 'Cheers'."

"That's not suprising considering that you drank more Juma Juice in one night then most smugglers drink in a week."

"Exile?"

"Yes Handmaiden?"

"why am I missing my clothes?"

"To be honest Handmaiden, I'm really not sure. I don't remember that much from last night either."

" I see..."

Shil'ya felt guilty seeing the Handmaiden look so confused. It was really making her feel bad.

Might as well tell her what might have happend...

Shil'ya sat down on the bed and put her arm around the confused Echani woman. "Handmaiden...when people drink like we drank last night, sometimes we do things that we normally wouldn't do..."

"What sort of 'things'?"

"Ummm...well...We might have...slept together..."

"I don't see why that might be a problem. The woman all share one dormitory on the Ebon Hawk."

"No...we might have "Slept" together. As in the...literal sense."

"You mean...we...?"

"I-I think we did. I think...Handmaiden I'm so sorry! I should never have drank that much!" It's all my fault!"

Shil'ya covered her head with her hands and sighed heavily to herself.

I hate myself...I really really hate myself, The Handmaiden is gonna hate me for the rest of her life...No one on the Hawk is ever gonna trust me again.

Shil'ya suddenly felt a warm hand fall across her shoulder and what the Handmaiden said sent shivers down her back.

"I don't hate you. You...have always been kind to me, From when I first joined you on Telos, you have always treated me with the utmost respect and kindness. I could never hate you. Even when you knew that I was spying on you for Atris, your faith and trust in me never wavered. What we might have done...is something I will cherish...because I can't help but have feelings for you. Your kindness toward innocents, your willingness to help others even if it weakens you in the end, your strength...I can't help but love you for it. And that is why I will always be at your side...because I love you.

Shil'ya gave the Handmaiden a strange look that sent fear down the Handmaiden's back.

Please...Please don't reject me. I don't want to be alone anymore...I want someone to talk to, I want someone to be there for me, I want someone...to love.

Shil'ya finally stood up.

"I have to go."

"Exile...please."

"I-I'm sorry, but I really need to go. I-I have to check on the Ebon Hawk."

Shil'ya walked out of the room, leaving Brianna the Handmaiden with tears gathering in her eyes and a hole in her heart.

End of Part one.

JediMaster12
11-12-2008, 04:03 PM
Alright. This is a little unusual in its format considering its like you gave just about every sentence its own separate line. I am not sure of your intention with that but I think it would be better if you just separated the paragraphs. Too many gaps can be just as distracting as no gaps at all.

Your premise is interesting and I have had my fair share of stories that have drunkeness and an ending of somebody getting married and they are shocked. I personally call it the Woody a la mode from Crossing Jordan and Vegas crossover episodes. You do have a nice flow but as I mentioned before the extra spaces were distracting.

Overall I find your shortie to be very good. Writing is not a natural talent for most people. It has to have practice. The more you give, the more you get out of it. Remember that and you will see for yourself how much you grow in your writing. I say keep it up.

Darth Payne
11-12-2008, 07:00 PM
I like this.

Any chance of more?

The reactions of the crew might be a bit fun to read.

Rev7
11-12-2008, 07:06 PM
Very interesting. I look forward to more...

HIGH ON PIE 14
11-12-2008, 08:47 PM
:lol: :lol:

I knew Handmaiden was into girls, I just knew it! When you described her hurt look I felt so bad for her...the hardened warrior suddenly became such a delicate thing.

As JediMaster 12 said, I think you have a good writing style, the content was good, but the separated lines were confusing, especially ones that cut off in the middle of a sentence. Your only problem is formatting. Just take a look at how some other people have divided their paragraphs. :)

I like my drunk Kotor character fics! I would love to see more. Atton's reaction to his exile hooking up with Handmaiden, or maybe Visas will go out with Mira to make the exile jealous. :xp: Or even HK's take on all this.

I really hope to hear more from you on this! :D

~HOP

machievelli
11-13-2008, 07:11 PM
read

Chevron 7 locke
11-14-2008, 02:10 PM
The reason the story is in such a weird format is because the first time I attempted to write it I wrote it on Lucasforums. Then when I submited it, I lost the first draft of the story. After screaming at the computer for about three hours and insulting it's mother, father and family, I finally began writing another draft of the story on Lucasforums and I lost that one too. I tried this about four more times before finally giving up and writing it in open office and then pasting it onto Lucasforums then submitting it. That actually worked.

The story will be continued

JAvatar80
11-14-2008, 03:56 PM
Ouch Chev. I feel for you. However, I do love this drunken TSL story, and am looking forward to the continuation now. :)

machievelli
11-14-2008, 06:02 PM
The reason the story is in such a weird format is because the first time I attempted to write it I wrote it on Lucasforums. Then when I submited it, I lost the first draft of the story. After screaming at the computer for about three hours and insulting it's mother, father and family, I finally began writing another draft of the story on Lucasforums and I lost that one too. I tried this about four more times before finally giving up and writing it in open office and then pasting it onto Lucasforums then submitting it. That actually worked.

The story will be continued

It reminds me of my own Sci Fi universe opening novel where first my first Ex threw away the finished manuscript (Typed mind you, this was 77) because it 'wasn't important'. Then the first computer I tried to redo it with Windows (3.1) decided it was a temp file and deleted it, requiring me to use a program to go in and duplicate it a sector at a time, then that computer crashed with the only version on it.

I finally finished it (again) in 1994. But it doesn't feel right, so it sits on my computer waiting.

Chevron 7 locke
11-14-2008, 11:49 PM
I meant by losing it that the connection to Lucasforums timed out. Hey a question. Any ideas on what the Handmaiden would do to show her affection for the exile? I was thinking weapons maybe or something along that line

machievelli
11-15-2008, 11:19 PM
I meant by losing it that the connection to Lucasforums timed out. Hey a question. Any ideas on what the Handmaiden would do to show her affection for the exile? I was thinking weapons maybe or something along that line
As the resident who has done the most to create the society, I think an Echani would give something small and edged.

Chevron 7 locke
11-16-2008, 12:19 AM
Like a dagger or a vibroblade?

Darth Payne
11-16-2008, 06:35 AM
Or a set of throwing knives?

Chevron 7 locke
11-16-2008, 04:37 PM
I don' think the Handmaiden likes those kinds of weapons. I think she prefers close combat. I'm not sure though. I have to find an expert on Echani culture and ask

Darth Payne
11-16-2008, 04:38 PM
True, Brianna might not like them.

But, what about the Exile?

Chevron 7 locke
11-16-2008, 04:50 PM
Considering the Handmaiden newfound love for intoxicants, Juma may be an option

machievelli
11-16-2008, 11:27 PM
I don' think the Handmaiden likes those kinds of weapons. I think she prefers close combat. I'm not sure though. I have to find an expert on Echani culture and ask
As far as I know I think that would be me, Chev

Chevron 7 locke
11-16-2008, 11:37 PM
The expert is here. Most excellent. Now...can you help me out with my little problem here? cause i don't know that much about Echani culture.

And I can't play the game due to my crappy video card

machievelli
11-18-2008, 11:49 PM
The expert is here. Most excellent. Now...can you help me out with my little problem here? cause i don't know that much about Echani culture.

And I can't play the game due to my crappy video card

My take on the Echani is a warrior race a lot like the Mando, but more benign primarily because their environment is. Think of rational pacifists, which is what I consider myself. The blade is part of their religion, so practicing with a weapon is sort of like Tai Chi, a slow motion meditation on what you expect from god.

I also created a sort of juggling game named Cnifta (The word came from a book named The Cage and I changed it to Canifta in my finished version of The Beginning). Think of people juggling knives of various weights and patterns and trying to one up each other.

That's why I suggested blades. Think of a matched set of two pairs of knives.

Chevron 7 locke
11-19-2008, 01:24 AM
Hmmm...Thanks!

machievelli
11-19-2008, 10:36 PM
Hmmm...Thanks!

By the same token, you could have her unsure how the Exile will react, so have her in a dither before she does it.

Darth Payne
11-19-2008, 10:53 PM
What about the Exile returning the Double-bladed sword of Briannas father?

It could be bought on Tatooine in K1(i think), and maybe Canderous kept some of Revans posesions which the sword was amongst?

When he finds out about the relationship between Exile and Brianna, as well as who Briannas father is(as i don't think Canderous was ever told this in-game), he tells Exile about there being a sword belonging to Briannas father amongst the posesions that Revan left behind.

What do you think?

Chevron 7 locke
11-19-2008, 11:04 PM
I like these ideas.
I'm gonna see if i can incorperate them all into the next chapter

Chevron 7 locke
04-08-2009, 05:14 PM
(I said I'd update it and...I am so sorry for not updating sooner.)

Ebon Hawk

Brianna slowly walked up the rampway of the Ebon Hawk with a heavy heart and tears in her eyes.

Why...why did I confess? I-I shouldn't have. I should have known that she wouldn't return my feelings. Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life?

Brianna was about to seal herself in the cargo hold for a few hours of training to take her mind off Shil'ya when Mira ran up to her.

"Hey Handmaiden, have you seen Shil'ya recently?"

"Yes...she said she was going to check on the Ebon Hawk earlier? Why? What has happend?"

"She's gone! And Canderous is missing to. We've been asking around but no one says they've seen any trace of them."

I must have driven her away! But if I did...why is Canderous missing as well?

Are you positive she wasn't onboard earlier? You may have missed seeing her."

This is all my fault!

I'm positive. Kreia says that until Shil'ya shows up, we're not going anywhere. And I don't plan on arguing with her."

Brianna nodded at Mira and then walked into the cargo hold and sealed the door shut behind her.

Why?! Why did I confess?! If I had only kept my mouth shut...she would've stayed with us.

Brianna began to train, but not even training could heal the hole that was growing ever larger in her heart.

Shil'ya...I'm sorry.



Citadel Station.

Shil'ya wasn't very fond of Citadel station at the best of times. The station had an...unfinished feel to it. But as much as she disliked the upper levels, she hated the lower levels with a passion.

The main reason she hated it was because frankly, it smelled bad. But this was where Canderous said they would have to go if they wanted to retrieve the cache that the Mandalorians had hidden on the station.

"Why would you even hide a Cache on a space station?"

Mandalore had simply stared at her and said, "It never hurts to be prepared."

Now the two of them were walking among some of the lowest levels on the station, searching for a merchant by the name of "Kevra."

"Are you even sure he's still on the station? He could have moved since you last saw him."

"I'm sure he's still here. Kevra doesn't like to travel. Once he sets up shop, the only reason he's gonna leave is if someone's after him, or if he sees a better business opportunity elsewhere."

"And what if he saw a better business opportunity?"

"Think about it. This is the center of the republic restoration effort, this is one of the few place in the system that he can set up shop and still make a good living. Don't worry, if he's not here I'll track him down again."

"Fair enough. Just remember, we're here for the sword and nothing else."

"I still don't see why you want that old Echani sword so badly. You've got a lightsaber and more weapons then most people amass in a lifetime. What's one more?"

"It's...a gift for a certain someone."

"Oh yeah? And who would that certain someone be? It can't be the pilot, he's more of a blaster type of man...I doubt Mira wants to use it, The old woman isn't likely going to be using it since she's missing a hand..."

Canderous turned to the Shil'ya in dawning realization. "It's for the Echani girl isn't it? You do know what giving a weapon in Echani culture means right?"

Shil'ya's voice was barely a whisper. "I do."

Mandalore gave her a once over. "You sure about this? I never really figured that you...swung that way."

"Believe me, I didn't realize it either...but the other day we accidently got drunk on juma and...apparently spent the night together. Before I woke up and realized what was happening, I felt safe, secure...it just felt so right. Like a piece of myself was out of focus and then it suddenly snapped into focus."

"You think she's gonna return the feelings? She could be in love with Atton for all you know."

"I know...she told me after I explained what I thought had happend. She told me she...cared about me, but when she said it, I couldn't help myself. I just had to get away. So I told her I had to check on the Ebon Hawk and I ran away.

By the Force I'm an idiot.

"Sounds like you made a damn fool of yourself."

"Huh, Tell me about it. After that was over, the last thing I wanted to do was come within fifty feet of the Hawk, but I needed to ask you if you knew where to find the sword and here we are."

"I gotta know. Why do we need this particular sword? Why are we going after the sword of Yusanis?"

Shil'ya grabbed Mandalore and pulled him into a corner.

"You have to give me your word that you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. I need you to promise me."

"By my honor I won't."

For the Handmaiden's sake, I won't reveal to much.

"Alright, Yusanis as you know was a powerful Echani general. But something that isn't that well known, is that Yusanis had an affair with a Jedi Master and he had a child with her. The Jedi who gave birth to this child was killed at Malachor five and Yusanis returned home after the wars a different man."

"I can see where this is taking us."

"Eventually, Yusanis was killed by Darth Revan after he found out that Revan had assasinated an Echani senator. Yusanis's daughters...were apparently sent to serve the Jedi master Atris on Telos. And that's where we picked up the Handmaiden."

"Alright, so why do you want to get the sword for her?"

"Because...I want to try and make things right. I have to."

(Will be continued later.)

Darth Payne
04-08-2009, 05:33 PM
Wow, very nice seeing more on this.

Alkonium
04-08-2009, 11:34 PM
And here I was thinking I was the only one on here to ever really put LGBT characters in fics and roleplays. Pretty good.

Chevron 7 locke
09-14-2009, 06:34 PM
((Short update is short.))

Citadel Station

Shil'ya watched through narrowed eyes as a group of thugs ran out of the shop laughing and talking amongst themselves. One of them was holding an older sword with two bladed edges to it.

The sword of Yusanis...I didn't come this far just to lose it to a group of common thugs. I'm getting that sword.

She motioned to Canderous to raise his weapon as she moved quietly behind them until she could understand parts of the conversation they were having.

"- can't believe that old man thought he could stop us! Of course I didn't expect him to have a blaster hidden in his sleeve either. He had a lot of good stuff."

"- you expect? He said he was holding onto some of that stuff for an old friend. I still feel guilty about what we did though. Why did you have to lose it and shoot the old man? He wasn't much of a threat apart from the blaster"

Shil'ya heard a low growl from Canderous behind her, he was obviously upset about hearing about the old man's death at the hands of thugs. She watched him as he slowly raised his weapon and she motioned for him to lower it.

She walked directly up to the back of one of the thugs and lightly tapped him on the shoulder as she ignited her lightsaber.

"I'm afraid I'll be taking the sword you have there"

All three of the thugs whipped around at the sound of her voice which was very soft and very dangerous.

The leader tightly held the sword to his chest and grinned as his two coherts pulled their blasters out of their holders and pointed them directly at her face.

Shiy'la calmly waved her hand and the blasters went sailing from her hands and the sword hit the floor with a clanging noise as the leader of the thugs dropped it in suprise.

"Now..." Shil'ya said calmly. "You are going to leave. You are going to go to the TSF office and tell them what you did. The alternative here is that I let the Mandalore get his hands on you for what you did to his friend."

The three thugs slowly turned to look at the imposing mandalorian who was cracking his knuckles. The thugs then turned to look at the elevator lift that would take them to the upper reaches of the station.

The mandalorian slowly walked toward the group of thugs who quickly took off toward the upper reaches of the station as quickly as they could.

Shil'ya picked up the sword and examined it. Lets see...no bloodstains...Beautifully crafted...What a beautiful sword.

She looked over at the mandalorian who was staring at the door to the shop. It was times like this that she wished she could see through his helmet to see what his expression was.

"Are you going to be all right? You can still go after them if you want to. I won't stop you if you decide to."

The mandalorian slowly shook his head. "No...these things happen. I'll get over it in my own sweet time. Lets just get back to the Hawk."

Shil'ya nodded and the two of them headed for the upper reaches of the station.

Ebon Hawk.

Brianna and the others had left the hawk nearly two hours ago to search for the missing crew members and now the Echani woman was heading back after another disappointing search for the Exile.

She was heading up the gangplank when a hand tapped her on the shoulder. She slowly turned to see the smiling face of Shil'ya staring back at her.

Shil'ya's smile turned sad for a second as she looked down at the sword that she held in her hands before she turned back to the Handmaiden.

"We need to talk."

((That's it. End of Story.))

Darth Payne
09-14-2009, 08:27 PM
Wow, *very* nice to see more of this.

Ping
09-14-2009, 09:36 PM
Wow, *very* nice to see more of this.

QFT. This is the probably one of the funniest fan-fics I've ever read. :D

Alkonium
09-14-2009, 09:56 PM
Not bad, a good way to offset the tone in the earlier chapters.

Darth Payne
09-24-2009, 07:38 AM
After playing K1 on DS i remembered something i'd forgotten.

You can get an item called Yusanis Dueling Shield from those Renegade Sith in the Korriban Caves.