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Chevron 7 locke
12-04-2008, 11:23 PM
My very first song fic ever!
I don't own the characters of KOTOR 2, I do not own the Song Broken hallelujah, i don't own any of it so please don't sue me




The Disciple was dead
I heard there was a secret chord

And she knew it was her fault
That David played and it pleased the Lord

Shil'ya had wept for days on end
But you don't really care for music do ya?

She blamed herself.
Well it goes like this

And no matter what the Disciple had told her
The fourth the fifth

She would blame herself till the day she died.
The minor fall and the major lift

At times she felt the tears would never stop falling
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Tears fell from her face day and night
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

She had been alone in the galaxy.
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof

Until she had met the the Disciple
You saw her bathing on the roof

Shil'ya hadn't trusted him at first. he was too new, too young, too naive
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

Shil'ya couldn't trust him.
she tied you to her kitchen chair

She was afraid the Disciple would betray her, like Revan and Malak before him
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair

Until the day the Disciple had thrown himself in front of her and had caught a blaster bolt meant for her
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

And Shil'ya, had stared on in disbelief
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

They had become close friends
Well baby I've been here before

And in the disciple, she had found a student and a friend
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor

The discipl had once asked her why she had always been running
I used to live alone before I knew ya

And so Shil’ya had told him the tale of Malachor five, all the deaths she had caused, the guilt she carried on her shoulders
I've seen your flag on the marble arch

How she felt she didn’t deserve her newest student
Love is not a victory march

The disciple had looked at her in disbelief and then had shaken his head and smiled at her
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

the Disciple told her in no uncertain terms that Malachor five was in the past, that the past did not matter to him; Shil'ya was the teacher and he was the student
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

It was not his place to judge her for the crimes of Malachor five
Well there was a time when you let me know

And after he finished his speech
What's really going on below

Shil’ya realized that could be forgiven
But now you never show that to me do you?

She needed the others to forgive her so she could forgive herself
And remember when I moved in you?

And Shil’ya had finally let go of the guilt she had carried since the battle of Malachor five
And the holy dove was moving too

Life had been great
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Until the Disciple had been shot by a thug seeking revenge upon Shil'ya
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

The wound was too severe to be treated, the only thing they could do was make him comfortable
Well maybe there's a God above

Not even the force could heal him
But all I've ever learned from love

The Disciple had smiled as he had died, knowing he had saved his teacher
Was how to shoot somebody who'd OUT DREW YA

He had died
And it's not a cry that you hear at night

Now there was no one standing between Shil’ya and the darkness that threatened to overtake her
It's not somebody who's seen the light

The only thing that was keeping her from the darkness were the Disciples last words to her
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

He had begged Shil’ya to stay true to the light
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

And Shil’ya had taken his words to heart
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Shil’ya intended to stay true to the light, for dearly departed student
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Endorenna
12-05-2008, 12:16 AM
Ehhh...Chev, not to be rude or mean, but this fic didn't particularly appeal to me. One, I like Brianna, and two, I really dislike the concept of two girls falling in love with each other. That really, really bothers me, somehow. And the song--it's mixing two Bible stories about sinful acts, glorifying those acts, and saying they were okay.

I wouldn't mind seeing another one of your song fics, since this one really is well done--but I do have problems with the content.

Edit: Now that you've changed it to Disciple instead of Brianna, I like it a lot better. :) I still don't like the song, but the story alongside it is a lot better.

CommanderQ
12-05-2008, 12:19 AM
I agree with Endorenna on this Chev. Well put together, but the content doesn't set well with me. It's a good song, truly, but there are things that I can greatly disagree with. Good song placing and planning, though.

Chevron 7 locke
12-05-2008, 12:20 AM
Actually. i came up with the song on a whim...maybe i should do a different type of song fic...

CommanderQ
12-05-2008, 12:21 AM
Nickleback? Sadly, I can't say I've heard of it.

Chevron 7 locke
12-05-2008, 12:24 AM
:raise: you are from earth right?

CommanderQ
12-05-2008, 12:26 AM
Well, I'm a Clone Trooper, I'm from Kamino...I might've heard of Nickleback somewhere but, I don't listen to them. It'd be like me asking if you've heard of Apocalyptica.

Rabish Bini
12-05-2008, 12:27 AM
I liked it, a bit different from how song fics are usually written, I thought it was nicely thought out, a fairly good plot.

A little idea for you, if you have the time, read some of my song fics or Jedi Master 12's, just if you need a bit of inspiration. PM me if you want me to send you some links, they're written differently to yours.

CommanderQ
12-05-2008, 12:45 AM
Oy, interesting change there...

Chevron 7 locke
12-05-2008, 12:47 AM
Oy, interesting change there...

Yup! People just don't seem to like seeing Brianna die. I can't blame em

Rogue Nine
12-07-2008, 12:20 PM
If you're going to use a copyrighted song as part of your fic, please cite it along with your poetry or else it's pretty much plagiarism.

I really dislike the concept of two girls falling in love with each other. That really, really bothers me, somehow. And the song--it's mixing two Bible stories about sinful acts, glorifying those acts, and saying they were okay.
That content didn't bother me and I'm sad to see he changed it. It was fine the way it was before.

Chevron 7 locke
12-07-2008, 01:21 PM
I still have the original version, i can PM it to you if you want it

LordOfTheFish
12-07-2008, 01:41 PM
Well, this is the first song-fic I've ever read so I really don't know what to say. A good song choice, I thought. But to agree with Endorenna, combing a sinful act with a biblical song may not have been the best of Ideas, but now that you changed it I really liked it!

Good Job! :thmbup1:

Rogue Nine
12-07-2008, 02:19 PM
The song he chose is by no means 'Biblical' in the sense that it is religious in nature. It makes direct references to the Bible, but it very much secular in theme and intent. By the way, the title of the song is simply "Hallelujah", there is no 'Broken' in front of it.

And I'm still not seeing what this 'sinful act' is that people are alleging.

Chevron 7 locke
12-07-2008, 10:49 PM
Rouge Nine i think this is what refers to the sinful actions.

The following line could be seen as david from the bible seeing bathsheba on the roof and wanting her.
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

The following lines could be seen as samson getting his hair cut by Deliah and then getting killed.
she tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair

And once again I can PM you the original song fic if you want it