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CommanderQ
01-02-2009, 02:25 PM
Chapter 1

Cato Neimodia
1200 Hours
Third Year of the Clone Wars
2 Weeks after Order 66



"Move! Move! Move!" Shouted Clone Master Sergeant Vey as his men sprinted towards a small alcove in the urban battleground.

Blasterfire rocketed toward their position from all directions, and Vey could hear the shrill whistles of the blasterfire speed past his head.

Vey made it to the alcove first, he then turned around and sprayed several rounds of his DC-15 rifle at the oncoming enemy. This enemy was not a droid, though. It was a company of Clone Shocktroopers.

Vey grabbed one of his men's shoulders and heaved the man down behind cover as several shots went right over there heads.

"Private Jax, how many do you count?"

Jax took a few deep breaths to calm down, "Fifteen, Sarge. More than us, should we retreat back to company HQ , or what's left of it?"

Vey shook his head. He then looked at the Shock Troopers in their bright red armor, slowly advancing on their position.

"We've got to hold here. Get me Gunnery Sergeant Valez over here."

The private nodded and began sprinting to another pile of rubble where Valez sat firing.

Vey took out a small smoke grenade and tossed it at the shock troopers. One of the red-clad troopers squealed as the grenade landed toward him and jumped to cover.

"Dumb, flash-trained probably." Vey said to himself as the smoke blinded the shocktroopers.

Valez crouched in his gray-green armor next to Vey.

"What is it, Vey? You need me?"

"Yeah, is your comm working? Mine went out at Checkpoint Alpha."

"Yep, it's working, what do you need?"

"I'm going to need a larty, a gunship, we need extraction, and soon."

Valez nodded, "I'll do it, Vey, but Company my not be able to supply, we're on the run."

"I know, Valez, do it anyway, we're Airbourne, this is what we do."

Valez nodded and sprinted toward the back of the alcove for better reception and cover.

"Covering fire, boys! Hold until the extraction!"

The nine other clone airbourne shouted happily in the HUD comm system.

Blue blasterfire rippled through the gray smoke that concealed the Shocktroopers' positions.

Suddenly, the red shocktroopers charged, and landed right on Vey's position. One of the enemy troopers leaped towards Vey.

Vey sidestepped the attack and vibro-bladed the trooper in the stomach as he flew past. Another trooper opened up with a pistol.

Vey ran toward the man and knocked the pistol aside. He then grasped his neck and squeezed as hard as he could. The trooper's arms and legs wriggled around in circles as he struggled for breath. Then another trooper pushed Vey off and prepared to pound Vey with his fist. The Clone Sergeant smiled as he jump-kicked the trooper before he could get his punch off. Vey heard an exhale of air as the trooper flung himself to the ground.

Vey then looked at the first trooper he was choking and took out his vibro-knife again, finishing the job.

Vey grabbed his rifle and retreated to Valez's position.

"Vey, I'm almost through getting that gunship, ETA is around 2 minutes. We've got to be at point oh-five by that time, or they leave without us, got it, Vey?"

Vey nodded as he squeezed off a couple of shots into the smoke.

"We've got no time to lose. Men!! Let's regroup at point oh-five! Extraction!!"

The nine other troopers stood and began running towards that position. Vey tapped Valez on the shoulder and the two sergeants began running too.

They couldn't speak at the speed they were going, not to mention that the shock-troopers weren't far behind as they ran through the rubble strewn city of the capital of Cato Neimodia.

Vey and Valez made it safely to the extraction point with his men. They could hear the gunship's engines as they went tump..tump..tump...

Suddenly, the pursuing shock troopers turned around the corner of one of the buildings that was around 100 meters away. Vey jumped to the ground and fired his DC-15 at the approaching troops. His men did the same, pinnin the shocktroopers down at about 90 meters away.

The gunship had arrived and Vey looked up at it's emblazoned name on the side: The Black Falcon.

Vey motioned for his troops to mount up. The laser-turrets on the side of the gunship further compromised the enemy's positions, and they retreated slowly. The enemy knew that they were unable to compete with that firepower.

Valez hopped on the gunship first and mounted up on a small E-web blaster cannon that was set up in the back of the gunship. Jax jumped in second and grabbed a handrail. The eight other airbourn soldiers did the same.

Vey was the last aboard and he began forming a small debrief in his brain on the mission.

Objective: Recon Objective: Completed...Mission success, thought Vey. His thoughts were interupted as Private Jax spoke.

"I still can't believe what's happened."

Vey cocked an eyebrow at this, "What do you mean, Jax?"

"I just can't believe that the Jedi are gone, that the Republic is gone, and now were fighting our brothers."

"We're not fighting our brothers. If they were our brothers, they'd be in this gunship with us. It's surprising, yes, but we're doing the right thing."

"I hope so, Sarge, I hope so."

Jax looked back at the smoking cityscape as the gunship flew past.

Though Vey had not let anyone know, Vey couldn't believe the situation either. He was very much hurt by his Republic's betrayal, and the brave men lost for such a useless cause as this "New Empire." He knew that his men hated this new Empire, but they still had friends back with the remnants of the 1st Airbourne that hadn't rebelled. That's what had happened, the entirety of A company of the 1st Airbourne had rebelled. Something that couldn't be ignored. Now, the newly formed 1st Shocktrooper division was hunting them down, trying to make an example of them. But Vey knew this wouldn't happen. Vey wouldn't let this happen.

Vey couldn't help but feel sad as he remembered that the commander of the 1st Airbourne, Commander Sel, wanted to rebel. But his stubborn loyalty to the chain of command prevented the Commander from doing so. But Vey knew there was still hope, there was still time to avenge the deaths of the brave Jedi that had led them so many times to victory.

Yeah, thought Vey, Those were definately good times now.

Vey closed his eyes and tried his best to remember the days of their early victories, before the Chancellor began to show his own colors...

Chevron 7 locke
01-02-2009, 04:51 PM
Wow CQ, I like the concept of this story. The mistake I can point out is that the lines in the second to the last line are supposed to be itallizes but they aren't

CommanderQ
01-02-2009, 04:54 PM
Oh, thanks there, Chev, I'll correct right away:D

LordOfTheFish
01-02-2009, 05:09 PM
Great job, Commander. A very enjoyable read, no doubt. You seem to be very good at writing story's involving clones.

Keep up the good work! :thumbsup:

-Fish-

CommanderQ
01-02-2009, 05:19 PM
Thanks Fish!:D

Rev7
01-03-2009, 03:18 AM
Yup, I too like the concept of this story--I also like the action scenes. Nice job; I look forward to seeing where this will end up!

The_Catto
01-03-2009, 10:37 AM
Well, he is a clone himself so hopefully he should be good at it :lol:

Haha, nice work, CQ. Looking forward to more action filled chaps! :D

CommanderQ
01-03-2009, 12:45 PM
Thanks guys! The next chap will be coming soon!

@BFA...Yes, I...am....the.....CLONE TROOPER!!:D:D

The_Catto
01-03-2009, 10:58 PM
Wait wait wait ... I thought you were the Chancellor of Plumbership?

CommanderQ
01-03-2009, 11:01 PM
Well...that too:D

I'll probably be posting the next Chap tonight..so..stay tuned!!:D

LordOfTheFish
01-03-2009, 11:47 PM
I do hope you get it out soon. I'm tired though so I may just read it tomorrow...

CommanderQ
01-04-2009, 02:17 AM
3 years earlier...


Geonosis
0900
H hour
Day 1 of the Clone Wars



Sergeant First Class CT4100, or better known to his friends as Vey, stood with his platoon inside the dark gunship. It was silent as the troopers prepared themselves for their mission, as they were all nervous.

Vey could see streaks of orange colored terrain through the small openings in the gunships armor, but he could see little else besides flashes of light. He could hear the continous thunk thunk of anti-aircraft flak shells exploding near by.

The gunship rocked quickly towards the right and then to the left as a couple of flak shells exploded extremely close to the ship. All of the men fell over eachother as the ship rocked about, Vey included.

Vey tried his best to stabilize where he was standing and he grabbed a handrail. A finger tapped his shoulder.

"Sergeant Vey, are you nervous?"

Vey looked up," Yes, Private Jax, nervous as I'll ever be. Everyone here is pretty nervous, isn't that right?"

The other Airbourne soldiers all nodded or spoke in agreement.

Vey spoke again, "Don't worry, Jax. We were trained for this moment. Stay close, men, and we can all make it through this alive."

All of the men visibly became more confident when their sergeant spoke. They knew that Vey would try his best.

Suddenly, a bright green light showed in the dark gunship.

"Drop zone incoming! Prepare for drop!" Shouted the pilot.

Vey nodded affirmatively.

"Alright men! Gear up and get those tags attached! Let's move!"

The Clone Airbourne all took out specified tags that would enable their jetpacks to function correctly and guide them down. Their nervousness was no longer visible, they seemed confident in what they were doing.

Suddenly, the gunships doors opened, and everyone was temporarily blinded by the bright light of Geonosis. The light quickly faded and Vey saw the battelfield for what it was.

There were firefights and artillery going off on multiple positions around large droid core ships and evacuation craft.

Corporal Valez spoke up.

"Hey, we got 'em on the run!" He shouted.

The men all shouted and cheered as they watched one of the core ships explode.

Suddenly a blue hologram appeared in the center of the gunship. The hologram was that of Mace Windu, one of the head Jedi Generals.

"Troopers of the first Airbourne battalion. Here are you're drop zone coordinates. Execute your objectives as quickly as possible and rally at staging area 17. Commence immediatley. May the force be with you."

The blue hologram shorted out and small coordinate numbers popped up on everyone's helmet's Heads Up Display, or HUD.

Vey stepped forward toward the edge of the gunship and looked at his men.

Private Jax asked a sudden question, "Sir, are we ready for battle?"

Vey nodded," We're Airbourne, this is what we do."

Right after finishing the sentence, Vey fell backwards into the orange winds of Geonosis. All of his men quickly jumped after.

Vey pulled himself into a quick dive and stared at the burning terrain below. The drop zone was a ways off, but a diving start was necessary to make the distance.

Unbelievably, small bits of ice began forming on Vey's visor as he jetted straight down. He rubbed the ice off quickly and savored the feeling of speeding through the air.

It was amazing.

Vey grunted and activated his jetpack, jetting him faster down. He pulled up on the controls and changed direction quickly upward. He could feel the G's crushing his body as he did, but the armor prevented himself from passing out. He activated another control and wings popped out of the pack. Vey started steering as hard as he could toward the green high-lighted drop zone near one of the Core ships.

"WWOOOOOOOOOHOOOOO!! YEAH, BABY! THIS IS GREAT!" Shouted one of the Clone Airbourne behind Vey.

Vey smiled and accelerated to an estimated 600 miles per hour. Of course, it took a toll on the pack and it's compressed amount of fuel, but the pack was built for one mission, and one mission only.

Even through the sound-dampening helmet, Vey could hear the air rushing past his face.

The drop zone got closer and closer.

1000 meters, 900 meters, 800 meters thought Vey, 700.....600....

A sudden drop of altitude changed the charts dramatically, almost dangerously.

"Oy...I'm at 300 meters, gotta slow down..." Vey said to himself.

If he couldn't slow down, he'd smash himself along the canyon walls of Geonosis, quickly ending his career. But Vey had no intention of that.

He did something that no manual or trainer would never tell you to do.

He shut off the pack.

A quick kuthhhh and Vey knew that he was gliding. Vey dropped altitude again, driving into the canyons. He had to manuever quickly and carefully here.

He moved to the right...to the left...to the right again....and down. His speed had dropped greatly, and now the drop zone was near. Vey smiled, but then he looked at his speedometer and realized something.

He wasn't going fast enough to reach the drop zone.

He began to panic as he he plummet/glided towards a canyon spire..a canyone spire that had a bunker in it...a bunker with battle ready Geonosion bugs.

"Oh dear..." said Vey.

He almost laughed as he saw the look of surprise on the Geonosion's face as he smashed through the plexiglass window and spread the bugs insides across the walls inside the bunker. But he couldn't laught because he slammed into the same wall.

THRAK-CRUUUNCHH and Vey slumped slowly to the ground. His HUD was fuzzy with static, but the technology quickly recovered and steadied itself.

"Sarge! You alright?" Corporal Valez said through the Comm system.

Vey smiled as he tried to stand, "I'm fine, Valez. Just need a listen in finding better directions."

Valez chuckled, "Well sir, I guess you're alright, will you be able to meet us at the drop zone?"

Vey looked on as his brothers flew through the flak and explosion filled sky.
I wonder how I managed to avoid all that flak? thought Vey.

"Yeah, I can meet you over there, it may take a bit, but I'll make it."

"That's good to hear, Sarge. See ya at the DZ!"

Valez signed off the comm and continued towards the drop zone.

Vey stood and loaded his blaster rifle.

"Yeah, heheh,"Vey said to himself, "Just me versus a thousand some-ought droids and Geonosions."

Vey smiled as he thought about the odds.

"Heh, this is gonna be easy!"





End of Chapter 2

LordOfTheFish
01-04-2009, 05:15 PM
Bravo, Commander, bravo. A jet pack scene was a great idea. I look forward to more!

One last thing. Do you like to use Oy? :D

CommanderQ
01-04-2009, 10:15 PM
Thanks Fish! Yeah, I guess you could say Oy is an addicting word...could be worse though:D

Rev7
01-04-2009, 11:58 PM
Nice chapter, but I have one question. If Vey was traveling at such a high air speed (nearly 600 miles/hour) how did he loose so much speed in so little time? He should have lost it a lot slower than he did I think....

Thats all I really have to say, other than it was a good chapter!

CommanderQ
01-05-2009, 12:06 AM
Thanks Rev! Well, I sort've reduced it to the fact that Vey's armor and pack would contribute to the speed loss when he shut off his pack, but you're probably right that h should've lost it a bit slower. I was also thinking that at 600 mph, he would be traveling a great distance, which would've contributed to it as well. Thanks for the feedback, Rev!

CommanderQ
01-06-2009, 09:41 PM
Vey surveyed the small bunker that he had crashed into. The inhabitants were now dead, thanks to Vey's jetpack and its volatile nature, but if this bunker was attached to a tunnel system, then once Vey opened the iron door, there would be alot more Seps to deal with.

"Well, might as well take things one step at a time." Vey said.

The Airbourne Sergeant assembled the small fold-up DC-15 automatic rifle, specially fitted for the airbourne. He checked the magazine and walked slowly to the iron door. He put a hand on the handle, and pulled the door open quickly.

There was no trigger-happy Sep waiting for him nor a dumb droid, not even a Geonosion warrior.

Vey relaxed and walked casually out into the tunnel system, just in time to get tackled by a hidden geonosion.

"What the.." Vey said as the insect-like creature began trying to strangle him.

Vey moved quickly and swang his body forward, sending the Geonosion over his shoulder. He hefted his DC-15 and prepared to fire. But the Geonosion wasn't going to let him get out easily. It stood and screamed a war cry that sounded like a combination of a crashing shuttle and a broken instrument.

Vey pulled the trigger and spread the bug's insides across the wall behind it. But then he heard something that made his blood go cold.

More war cries coming from down the orange rock tunnel.

He could also hear the beating of wings and several clank clanks coming from some battle droids. The first Geonosion had warned them.

"Blast it all!" Shouted Vey. He equipped a frag grenade and started the timer.

He had approximately 6 seconds before it exploded.

The sounds came closer.

5.... He thought.

He could hear the voices of the droids louder now.

4....

The clanking was growing louder now.

3....

The Geonosions had begun screaming war cries as they knew Vey was there.

2....

The tunnel was so loud it seemed that the whole Seperatist army was right on top of him.

Now!

Vey tossed it, with one second to spare, and it landed in the exact middle of the Geonosion and droid column. Vey shielded his head and listened to the deafening boom.

Yellow liquid and metal pieces flew all over the place, scratching and painting Vey's armor. Then everything was silent.

Vey smiled and stood, wiping off his armor. He looked around the corner to see the inevitable carnage and realized....

....That there were two columns of droids and bugs.


"Oh blast...RRRAAAGHHHHH!!!!"

Vey charged straight into the semi-surprised Sep column, firing as he went.

LordOfTheFish
01-06-2009, 11:15 PM
Good chap, Commander.

The third to last sentence was a bit confusing. I think you may have left out a word accidentally. Originally Posted by CommanderQ
....That there two columns of droids and bugs.

Did you leave out 'were' possibly?

Other than that, the only complaint I have is why wasn't it longer?

CommanderQ
01-06-2009, 11:22 PM
Oh, thanks Fish for the point out there, I'll handle the typo immediatley.

Why was it so short? Well, at the time, I was short...on time, sorry, but it will be much much larger next chapter:D

Thanks Fish!

The_Catto
01-07-2009, 12:44 AM
Nice nice nice. With Fish when I say it sucks how it's so short but anyways ... Looking forward to the next chap.

After reading entire New Jedi Order series and now onto the Dark Nest trilogy, you'd think I'd get sick of reading Star Wars stories with bugs in them, but ... nope ... I'm liking this story :D
Keep it up!
THAT'S AN ORDER!!!!! :lol:

CommanderQ
01-07-2009, 01:14 AM
Alright, in order to make up for the shortness of the last chapter, here is another action-packed chap in the same day{though somewhat short sadly}:D So without further ado...




Vey blasted the first droid easily, he then quickly adjusted his fire onto the other droids and Geonosions, how many he had hit though, he did not know. The battle droids began to assess the situation and began returning fire.

As dumb as the droids were, Vey knew that he could not stand in the open with their firepower. He quickly dove for cover behind a pile-up of Geonosion bodies and droid parts. It wasn't much, but it provided some sort of cover.

Vey could feel the heat of the blaster shots even through his helmet as they zipped past his face. Vey peeked over the small pile to get a count on how many his opponents were. He looked for a couple seconds, but droid fire forced him back into cover.

Vey had counted around 15 bugs and 10 droids, a number that made him worry, even if half of the enemy didn't know how to fight. Vey looked at his grenades.

No, it'll kill me too at this range...thought Vey. He would have to "rough it" as he used to say during training on Kamino.

He peeked his rifle over the pile and began firing fully-automatic rounds in all directions. He could hear the scream of one Geonosion plus the explosions of the droids{not to mention the parts that had become shrapnel}.

Vey peeked his head over. A Geonosion saw him and lifted a small weapon that Vey couldn't identify. The Geonosion fired, and Vey's ears popped and began to hurt as he was hit with the sonic rifle. His helmet controls went blank and HUD showed nothing. His helmet was out of the battle. He pulled it off and tossed at the Geonosions for a temporary distraction. He then stood and fired off a couple rounds, taking the Geonosion down with a couple of the droids. He did a quick survey of how many Seps were left. He looked around.

I count 7 bugs down....3 droids...10 less, but the odds haven't changed, thought Vey.

The Sergeant pulled out a smoke grenade and tossed it into the center of the tunnel. It went out with a poof and everything turned into a cloud of grey.

Vey ran into it and was met face-to-face with spear armed Geonosion Elite.

The bug lunged at him with the spear, Vey avoided it and pushed it past him as the Geonosion kept lunging. Vey then hit the Geonosion in the head with the butt of his rifle, sending the bug to the ground, but not killing it. The Geonosion looked at him angrily from the ground and used one of its long legs to kick Vey in the chest, forcing him to drop the rifle as he fell to the ground.

Vey had the wind knocked out of him with the unknown power of the kick and he struggled for breath. He tried to stand, but the bug was faster and knocked him in the head with bottom of the spear, sending Vey to the ground again.

Vey noticed that his legs were the closest weapon he had to the bug, so he quickly swung around, tripping the Geo to the ground once again. Vey moved fast and grabbed the bug's neck and began to punch it in the face continuosly, brawl style. The bug took several hits before smacking Vey back down again.

The Trooper put a hand to his mouth, and it came back bloody, and he spat out a tooth. He stood and ejected his vibro-knife just as the Geonosion brandished its spear.

Vey sprinted at the bug, outrunning the spear as it flew at his chest. He then plunged the blade into the Geonosion's face, spurting a yellowish-green liquid all over his hand. At the same time, Vey batted away the spear as it came within inches of his chest.

The Bug wobble back and forth, trying to stay in the fight, but sadly, not many things can't fight well without a head, and the bug collapsed back on the bodies of some of the other bugs.

The smoke had cleared and Vey snatched up of his rifle. The remaining bugs began to back away slowly. Fear was in their eyes, and then the fear took over and the bugs began flying as fast as they could away from Vey.

Vey looked closer at the Elite he had just killed, and he found out why the bugs had fled. He had just killed one of the Elite Guardsmen of the Archduke's personal guard, a very high ranking individual. Vey stooped down and ripped off the small epaulet that signified this. Another war trophy.

He hadn't forgotten the remaining droids, though. He turned and leveled the rifle at the 7 remaining droids.

One spoke up,"Target acquired. Objective: Destroy. Roger Roger."

The droid was about to fire, but Vey was much much faster. He moved quickly to the side, spraying the droids with shots.

The droids stood silent for a moment, surprised you could call it, and then smoke began to rise from the holes the blaster shots had gone through. Then, like any good action holovid, all the droids fell down slowly.

Vey smiled and began walking back down the tunnel towards what he thought might be an exit tunnel.

"Well, that was fun."

Rev7
01-07-2009, 04:38 AM
he then quickly adjust his fire onto
Adjusted
knew tha the could
That

--

That was all the mistakes that I noticed in this chapter. Not bad. I like the actions scenes. Looking forward to more!

CommanderQ
01-07-2009, 01:30 PM
Thanks Rev, for the corrections, it'll definately help:D The next chap will be better and longer!:D

LordOfTheFish
01-07-2009, 11:28 PM
Yet another good chapter, Commander! The only advice I'd give would be to replace some of the time you used Vey's name with he.

Over all though, I thought it was good. So keep it up!

-Fish-

CommanderQ
01-07-2009, 11:38 PM
Thanks Fish! I'll take the suggestion and begin adjusting those! Thanks again!

The_Catto
01-08-2009, 05:38 AM
Cool chap. NO mistakes I could see, action, humour.
Can't say anything more other than ... Nice work :)

CommanderQ
01-08-2009, 03:46 PM
Thanks everyone for the feedback! Now for the next chap....



Vey stepped around the bodies and parts of the Seps he'd just taken out. His armor had become covered in grime, oil, and a liquid that he couldn't identify. It didn't matter though, so Vey began moving farther down dark orange tunnel. Surprisingly, there was no resistance, at least that he could see without his helmet, that he had left back near the start of the tunnel. He suddenly heard soemthing go crack and some dust fell to the ground from the ceiling.

Vey stopped and looked behind him at the back end of the tunnel. Nothing was there. Vey kept walking, slower this time, but he heard the sound again and stopped, aiming his rifle down the corridor. Suddenly, the lights began to flicker on and off, losing power.

Vey could spot some bright orange lights everytime the lights flickered. Then they went out completely, and Vey didn't have night vision.

"Oh blast..." Vey began sprinting as fast as he could toward what he believed to be the entrance. The he heard the cracking sound again, and he looked back.

The walls down the halls were covered in an eerie orange light and he looked closer. The orange spots were moving slowly. Then he knew.

More Geonosion Elites.

"If I were sneaking up, I'd have at least checked my lights!" Vey shouted at the orange figures.

He opened fire, the blue rays lighting the tunnel as they flew toward the bugs. He hit some of the orange lights, but in the pitch black tunnel, it was hard to hit targets.

Suddenly, more orange lights began crawling all around the tunnel.

They're coming out the kriffin' walls! Thought Vey.

The walls suddenly became more visible as more and more Geonosion Elites piled together. Vey counted as he continued shooting all over.

But there were more than he could count.

Soon, the orange lights covered nearly all the walls. Vey just gawked in surprise and looked at the ceiling above him.

A Geonosion Elite screamed a war cry and flew down, hitting him across the forehead with its war staff. Vey tumbled to the ground, probably with a light concussion. He felt liquid pouring into his eyes, blinding temporarily what little vision he had in the dark tunnel.


He flailed his arm out in an attempt to get the Geo out of the way. Vey stood and began running again toward the exit, lit only by the small red opening and closing buttons.

Suddenly, he heard the distant thump thump thump of artillery. He knew what was coming next.

The tunnel began to shake with every tremor and artillery shell that landed on the ground above the tunnel. Dust and rocks fell on Vey, further gashing him up and he lost balance. He could hear all of the screams of the hundreds..possibly thousand of the Geonosions.

Vey stood again with difficulty, one of the rocks had broken the armor on his back, pushing some of the plastoid into his skin.

He ran straight into the rock wall next to the door, but he was unfazed and still utterly determined to survive. He reached the door and hit the largest red button. The door opened and he ran outside into the battlefield of Geonosis.

The light blinded him for a second as his eyes adjusted. When the bright light faded and he could see the massive galactic battlefield, Vey saw Corporal Valez and a couple of Airbourne Troopers manning a heavy E-Web blaster cannon.

Vey began waving his hands wildly,"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!!"

Valez saw him and made a gesture for him to get down. Vey responded immediatley, falling to the ground and hearing a loud crack from his knee as it made contact with a rock in the wrong place.

Another injury to the group, Thought Vey.

Suddenly, the E-Web opened up on the tunnel behind Vey, the Geonosions began to pile up as the blue fire ripped into them.

Vey could hear the blaster fire whizz above him and he could also hear the Geonosions screaming as they collapsed all around him. He looked up at the E-Web and saw Valez with a rocket launcher, taking steady aim at the tunnel entrance above Vey.

Seeing the situation, Vey began crawling frantically away from the tunnel. Valez fired the rocket and it made contact with the top of the entrance. Everything was silent for a second, and then the explosion came, the impact throwing Vey several meters away.

The entrance collapsed, crushing more Geonosions and permanently sealing the tunnel. A cheer arose from the heavy weapons squad as the rocks fell. Vey tried to cheer too, but he was exhausted from almost dying from friendly fire.

Valez and another trooper ran over to Vey and began trying to pick him up from the ground.

"Bloody good timing there, Sarge. We were going to blow that tunnel up, but we heard that you were in there, so we didn't."

Vey smiled, "Heh...I wish you did, it would've been less painful getting stabbed than getting crushed by rocks."

Valez chuckled, "Well, your welcome anytime, Sarge. Someone up in the sky must like you."

Vey chuckled and stumbled to his feet.

"I think I should find a medic."

"Yeah, you think? Come on, you look pretty beat up."

Valez guided Vey into a small canyon near the coreship that the dropzone was near. They had set up company CP in one of the smaller caves, they then fortified the area, awaiting orders. Vey saw a bright red cross where the aid station was and the two clones walked slowly over to it.

A Clone in bright red armor walked over.

"Corporal Valez, Sergeant Vey, you in need of assistance?"

Vey nodded and Valez let the red clone take his arm.

"Sergeant, I think we're going to need to take out that shrapnel."

"What shrapnel?"

The Medic pointed to Vey's forehead. Vey looked up and felt it. Indeed, there were several small pieces of metal and alot of blood.

That was when the pain began.

"Oh BLAST! GIVE ME SOME PAINKILLER!" He shouted as the pain rushed in.

"But Sergeant..."

Vey retained his calm tone, "Doc, I have been stabbed, shot, nearly crushed, disembowled, and made into roadkill. The one thing I might need is painkiller. Okay?"

Doc nodded and took out a small syringe. Vey smiled, At least I can feel good once during a combat sortie...

machievelli
01-08-2009, 07:33 PM
read

Andurilblade
01-11-2009, 02:37 AM
A Geonosion Elite screamed a war cry and fly down[/I]

flew

I also noticed that you mixed up its and it's a few times, and you used double negatives in several places, but other than that, REALLY GOOD STORY!!!!

You have yet another RAVING FAN!!! :bounce1:

:bdroid1: :clone: :tank1:

CommanderQ
01-11-2009, 10:31 PM
Thanks Anduril!!:D I shall make the corrections as soon as possible:D

I am glad to know that I have gained you as a RAVING FAN!:D The next chap shall come soon!:D

The_Catto
01-11-2009, 10:44 PM
OK, there were quite a few of mistakes in this chapter CQ. Mis-wording, words in wrong places; that sort of thing.
Re-read and look through each sentence to every one.

but they in the pitch black tunnel, it was hard to hit targets.

And...

and hearing a loud crack from his knee as [b]they it made contact with[/i] a rock in the wrong place.

Not really sure as to what that word was meant to be, lol.

Anyways, those are just a couple for you :)

A good, action-filled chapter once again. Can't wait till the next. :D

LordOfTheFish
01-11-2009, 11:11 PM
You did it again, Commander. Well done!

Will you continue with Vey, and Valez?

CommanderQ
01-12-2009, 12:34 AM
@Mr. BFA Thanks for the corrections, Mr. BFA{I mean...My Master:D} I'll correct as soon as possible:D

@Fish Thanks Fish! Yeah, I think I'll continue with Vey and Valez, I'll probably add more characters but Vey and Valez are key characters right now:D

LordOfTheFish
01-12-2009, 06:37 PM
Roger that.

CommanderQ
01-17-2009, 03:50 PM
Sorry about the delay of this chap, but here it is:D




Vey sat on a small orange rock at the aid station as the medic used a small tweaser to remove the small bits of metal in his forehead. The Clone Sergeant was pretty happy about the fact that he couldn't feel a thing during the removal, a nice turn-around to what had happened earlier. But he knew that this wouldn't last very long.

Vey heard a small squirt and a clink of metal as the medic took out another piece of shrapnel.

The medic brought down the tweaser to show Vey.

"Look at this one, Sergeant. You are on lucky idiot."

Vey looked at the three-inch piece of metal that had just came out of his forehead. Needless to say, he was pretty shocked.

"Wow. That's big."

The medic chuckled, "No worries, no charge this time."

Vey forced a small smile and diverted his thoughts to less painful matters.

Suddenly, Corporal Valez walked into the aid station, a holodisk in hand.

"Sarge, we just got something from CP 2, General Windu commanding."

Valez tossed the disk to Vey, who caught it without problem. He then activated it and looked at the blue hologram that contained his orders.

Apparently, they were supposed to hold a certain canyon near the large coreship near their position. No reason was given.

But Vey didn't question orders.

He obeyed them.

Vey pushed the medics tweaser away. The other pieces of shrapnel would have to wait.

"Corporal, rally the first and second squads, we'll hold a platoon meeting over at Vantage Point zero-two-niner. Be there in 5 standard minutes, earlier if you can."

Valez nodded and began sending rallying signals via comlink to the spread out members of 1st Platoon of the 1st Airborne Division.

Vey picked up his rifle and checked its ammo capacity. He loaded another gas cartridge into it and checked the sights. Everything checked out.

He looked at the medic, "Where can I find a company supply depot?"

The medic gestured behind Vey. The sergeant nodded and began making his way to a small, quickly built tent north of his position.

A Clone in green armor, probably a clerk, stood behind a makeshift desk, large amounts of supplies behind him. There were several other regular clones loading duracrete boxes from a nearby supply gunship.

Vey's 'superior' instinct made the clone clerk to be a private, probably why he was a clerk.

"Private, I need a new helmet. Also, can you throw in a couple extra grenades as well."

The private responded with the bored voice of a seasoned clerk, "Can't do that without a requisition, you got that, Sarge?"

Vey nodded, "How might I get a requisition?"

"Company commander."

"Ahh, and where is the company commander?"

Silence.

"Exactly, he's still in orbit. Now you very well understand why I can't give you a requisition. The helmet, private."

The clerk nodded and stumbled as he moved towards one of the duracrete boxes. He popped the seal and looked in.

"Sorry sarge, but there are only black ops helmets in here. Would you like a black helmet in this environment?"

Vey looked around the bright orange battlefield.

"I'll make do."

The clerk took a helmet out and tossed it to Vey, who put it on quickly. The clerk then handed him a couple thermal detonators, and Vey was out.

The Sergeant moved quickly to the rallying point where the rest of the platoon was. Vey neared Valez and began eyeing what was left of the platoon.

"Valez, there is only half the platoon here, is this all there were left?"

"Yeah, half the platoon overshot the dropzone, being this the first time in actual combat. They didn't stand a chance."

There was a deep pain in Valez's voice. It hurt Vey also, but they needed to complete their objective, no matter the cost.

"It wasn't in vain, corporal. We will ensure that. Let's move."

Vey brought up a fist and the platoon fell in behind him.

They started a route-step march into one of the darker canyons. They needed to capture a small crossroads in-between a couple of these canyons, and then, they'd need to hold it.

Valez looked back at the platoon, "Watch the walls and any possible ambush position, the bugs can be anywhere."

Private Jax, who was in the middle of the column nodded and nudged the man next to him, who activated a searchlight on his helmet.

Strangely, there was no resistance all the way to the crossroad point. Something that made the clones confident that they were going to be attacked by something extremely powerful.

The crossroads was really nothing but a couple of rocks surround by the canyon, not much different from the rest of Geonosis, but Vey would definately like it more here as opposed to the caves below them.

"Alright, Valez, take a few men and set an anti-vehicle position above us on one of the taller canyone spires. We'll have the high ground. Rest of you, set up demolition positions, booby traps, land mines, anything that will delay their advance. Then set up a machine gun position on the south end, that'll cover Valez's flanks. LET'S MOVE!"

All the troopers moved quickly and efficiently as they set up defensive positions.

Vey set up a small command post and established radio contact with Company HQ.

"Delta five-zero, this is Alpha position. Awaiting orders."

"Alpha position, orders have not been changed, hold until relieved by main force led by Commander Sel. ETA is possibly two hours."

Vey nodded, "Roger that, we'll hold. It shouldn't be much of a problem."

"Don't underestimate them, Alpha. Over and out."

That last bit made a chill run down his spine. He knew not to under estimate the enemy, but there was something seeming malacious this time.

Suddenly, he heard Geonosion wings beating down one of the canyons. A

And then a shriek of something, not human though. Vey readied his rifle and looked down one of the canyon passages.

There were a large amount of bugs, but they were controlling something...something of unknown power.

Vey looked farther down the passage and he identified what it was.


An armored Acklay beast.

Andurilblade
01-17-2009, 04:07 PM
Oooh, this is good! I like the whole chapter about battle preperations after that last, very intense, battle chapter. I did see a few typos, though. You may want to run over it again and fix them right quick.

Keep going! I must have more!

CommanderQ
01-17-2009, 04:21 PM
Thanks Anduril!!

I shall read over it again and fix the typos:D Thanks again!

Sincerely,
Clone Commander Q:D

LordOfTheFish
01-17-2009, 11:50 PM
Yes, yes! Very good, CQ. Keep it coming.

I noticed when you Vey was talking to the clerk that you said he checked his HUD, which said that he was a Private. If he lost his helmet in the tunnel, and needed a new one, he wouldn't have a HUD.

Other than that no corrections.

-Fish-

CommanderQ
01-18-2009, 12:54 AM
Oh...good point...I'll fix that soon..sorry about the typo:(

Thanks Fish!:D

CommanderQ
01-29-2009, 02:13 PM
Sorry about the delay..I have found myself most busy...but without further ado....I present the next chap!





"Kriffin' Bugs, they have an Aklay," Vey muttered to himself.

He tapped the clone next to him. The clone turned to him and Vey pointed to one of the machine guns.

"Get that thing pointed the other way, we've got to attract that things attention. Let's see if we can get him into Valez's AT gun range."

The Clone trooper nodded and ran over to the machine gun, quickly dismantling it.

Vey turned his attention back to the Acklay coming down the canyon.

That thing will be near impossible to stop without anti-vehicle weapons, he thought,we're going to have to try something new.

Then he got the idea.

The Geonosions were taking awhile to move down the canyon, and they were still a ways down.

Vey grabbed a nearby trooper,"You! What's your name?"

Vey felt slightly ashamed that he didn't know every man in the platoon as everyone else did.

"Private Keph, Sarge."

"Well, Keph, follow me, I'll need your help."

"Sure thing."

Vey looked around for an ammunition box. He quickly found one near the machine gun that the other troopers were setting up. He tried lifting it, but it was too heavy. He motioned for Keph to get on the other side and lift it.

The Private came over and they began moving the heavy load up one the passages up to the top of the canyon.

"Sergeant, why are we bringing this ammo box up here?"

Vey nodded his head towards the Acklay's path.

"This ammo, once detonated, has enough punch to close up one of these canyons. That Acklay will be tough to kill, unless we use the right means."

Keph nodded an affirmative and chuckled in the comm.

Finally, Vey spotted a certain cleft in the rock above one of the canyons that the Acklay was taking.

They placed the ammo box there and Vey took out a small grenade.

He began setting the timer and fuse.

"Keph, I'm going to set this right before the Acklay gets here. When I do, you and I are going to have to run like mad in order to avoid the boom that will soon follow. You up to it?"

Keph nodded," Yep, always into a bit of danger, Sarge, we're airbourne for force sake."

Vey smiled at Keph's enthusiasm, something Vey hoped would stay with all of the troops.

Vey heard the Acklay screaming as it began to run faster down the canyone, traversing the rocky path quickly. The Geonosions were several meters behind, letting the beast go on it's own. It had spotted something, probably the rest of Vey's platoon at the crossroads.

It was only about one hundred yards from the blast radius that Vey and Keph had set up. They would only have about a minute. And in order to get out safely fromt eh explosion, Vey needed two.

"Oh, blast. This is gonna be close." Vey said, deadpan.

"Umm, Sarge..whad did you..."

Vey cut him off as he dropped the grenade into the ammo box, they would only have a few seconds.

"RUN!"

Vey grabbed Keph by the pauldron and they began sprinting as fast as they could.

The Acklay suddenly spotted them and quickly climbed up the wall after them.

Vey turned and fired a few shots to entice the beast forward.

It succeeded.

Not entirely in a good way though.

The Acklay roared and charged, much faster than before.

It was now Vey's turn to flee.

He turned back and pushed Keph ahead.

Vey looked at his Krono and counted the minute..no, seconds before the boom.

He immediatley didn't like the Krono either.

According to what it said, the grenade would go off right about...now.

A deafening crack fillled Vey's black ops helmet with sound and he and Keph were thrown into the air by the shockwave.

Everything was silent for a moment as Vey watched the ground beneath him speed pass, then he collided with a large rock.

And everything went black.

LordOfTheFish
02-02-2009, 06:16 PM
Very good, Commander, as always. I can't wait to see what happens next! He cant just die... Can he?

Anyway, re-reading the story will help you find the minor errors that may need correcting. The only thing I would change would be when Keph says, "Sure thing." In agreeing to Vey's request, to possibly, "Affirmative!", or "Yes Sir." since they are clones soldiers, and not regular citizens of the republic.

Other than that, nothing... Keep it up!

-Fish-

CommanderQ
02-02-2009, 06:22 PM
Thanks Fish!

I shall indeed check and proofread through my story again, and shall take your suggestions to heart:D Don't worry, you will see what happens next...soon:D

LordOfTheFish
02-02-2009, 06:27 PM
Please, don't make it to long of a wait. :D

CommanderQ
02-02-2009, 06:31 PM
Hee hee hee, patience....for the Jedi..it is time to wait as well...:D

I should have the next chap today, and soon...so patience..:D

CommanderQ
02-05-2009, 08:32 PM
Well, here is the Eighth chapter, sorry about the delay!

So, without further ado...






Someone was shaking Vey awake. His eyes were closed and his head hurt quite a bit. He opened his eye to the bright sun ahead, making his head hurt even more.

"Sir! Sir! Look at me! Look at me! Are you alright?"

Vey focused his eyes on the shaky object in front of him. There was small ringing in his ears, he probably had a nasty concussion. His vision cleared and he saw Private Keph shaking his shoulders.

"Sir, are you alright?"

Vey looked at the battleground behind Keph. There was a large burning crater with numerous flames and smoke rising from it. He looked back on the rest of his body and everything seemed okay. He looked back at Keph.

"I'm fine, Private. What happened?"

Keph nodded towards the explosion,"Well sir, the ammo exploded, killing the Acklay, but we weren't quite out of the blast radius."

"Ahh, well that would explain...ow.."Vey motioned to his forehead, "Help me up, Private."

Keph grabbed Vey with an hand-to-elbow grip, and lifted him up.

Vey was dizzy as he went, but he managed to make out that there were numerous bodies and parts littering the crater, the sounds of a distant battle in the background.

Vey grabbed his rifle nearby and checked it. Everything seemed alright.

"Let's get back to the crossroads."

"Yessir."

The two troops ran as fast as they could towards the crossroad canyon a few meters away.

Valez's machine gun position was loosing rounds left and right at the advancing droids and bugs.

Vey took position behind a nearby rock and placed his rifle in a position to fire on the enemy's unprotected flanks.

Vey zeroed his sights and pulled the trigger.

He hit three battle droids quickly, exploding them into tiny bits of shrapnel that ripped into other Sep soldiers.

Vey stood up on the rock and charged forward to the enemy. He swung the butt of his rifle into one of the bugs' faces, yellow liquid flying everywhere.

Vey used the momentum to swing it again into another bug, where he then adjusted it to open fire into three other droids.

For a clone recovering from a shell concussion, Vey considered himself to be doing well.

Suddenly, Keph, who had been following close behind, pushed Vey into one of the nearby craters.

Vey fell head first into the crater and saw a small red object near Keph's position.

"KEPH! GET DOWN!"

The Private only nodded, and Vey knew why he had been pushed.


And the grenade exploded, basking Private Keph in a bright white light filled with ash and fire.

The concussion forced Vey into an even more uncomfortable position, but that didn't account for the tears coming out of Vey's eyes.

LordOfTheFish
02-10-2009, 09:25 AM
Good chapter! I don't have time for any corrections, since school is about to start.

Darth_Yuthura
02-25-2009, 07:25 PM
This is an odd fiction for me to describe. I have seen grammar and errors in character customs, but I can tell you're working on that.

I can say I appreciate the effort it must have taken to write all these action sequences, but I have found that your later chapters may become increasingly monotonous as you have so many of essentially the same character performing the same way. Battle sequences can be tiring, at least to me, so adding more of the aspects of war you don't see in movies would make it more interesting. Aftermath, recovering crippled soldiers, training, encountering victims of the war, ext.

Although each are unique in personality, clones don't have the means to go beyond their original genetic programing. This is a good idea for a fiction and you write it well, but I don't know how long you intend to make this. I will keep reading, but I don't know how far you can develop clones as characters because they aren't like people. That's just my two cents on the plot. Keep it up.

CommanderQ
03-13-2009, 01:10 PM
Sorry I have not responded in awhile, Darth Yuthura, sort've got sidetracked...severly...as you can see:D

I appreciate your advice and wisdom that you presented on the fic, but I must say that I have a strongly different opinion on clones. Yes, perhaps they were programmed, but they are still humans, no more, no less. They still generate personalities{Which I myself am still trying to figure out:D} despite what they were destined to do, and the more they are exposed to the outside world, the more their personality expands, even beyind what they were meant to do. That is human nature, you can't stop it and control it, even if they are clones, now if they were robots, I'd say yes, but they are still humans, just bred out of a tank. Anyway that's my opinion...next chap will probably be up sometime soon...:D

LordOfTheFish
03-13-2009, 01:45 PM
Post it soon CQ!

CommanderQ
03-13-2009, 03:11 PM
Well, here's the next chapter! I hope it's better!:D




Everything was immediatley quiet after the explosion, or perhaps that was everyone's ear drums recovering from the loud noise of it.

Some dust from the shockwave had reached inside of Vey's helmet, forcing him to cough uncontrollably for a few moments, but he quickly recovered.

Sgt. Valez was already surveying the area, there was no telling of a counter-attack.

Vey climbed his way out of the deep foxhole and propped himself up on a rock nearby. He looked at the explosion sight, and to his dismay, discovered that the grenade had been so absolute, that none of Keph's remains were there, everything had been incinerated. None for the burial.

Vey shook his head and stood without assistance, limping towards Valez nearby.

Valez turned to Vey, "I think that last bang from the ammo caison we dropped scared off the rest of the bug's, all the droids are done for, I can count for that."

Valez gestured to his blaster, it's barrel had smoke rising from it.

Vey's hearing was finally coming back, and he could hear the distant sounds of battle in the background, Geonosis was apparently still the living hell that the Clone Army had made it to be.

"Well," Vey coughed,"I think they may be counter-attacking whether or not they have enough troops. We know and they know that this causeway controls nearly all of the enarby canyons. Get some ammunition distributed amongst the men, also, tell them up it's time to eat some rations, it isn't good to fight on an empty stomach."

Valez nodded,"Yessir, I'll go handle that. Sorry about Keph, he was always to loyal for his own good. You alright?"

Vey sighed,"Yeah, just got walk off my leg, I'll be fine."

Valez nodded again and walked to the arrayed foxholes that had been setup for gun positions.

Suddenly, Vey's comm crackled to life.

".....*static* This Alpha-Charlie-3100, we are trying to reach airbourne troops supposed to be established at Vector 2-0...come in airbourne? *static* Commander Sel is in route."

Vey activated his comm,"Alpha-Charlie-3100, this is Airbourne leader. Vector 2-0 is secure. You are good to go."

"Copy that, Airbourne Leader, good job down there.."

The Sergeant looked up into the orange sky right in time for the dust to clear, as three LAAT/i Gunships made their way down.

Vey moved out of the way as one of the gunships landed a few feet from him.

He smiled happily as several troopers scrambled out of the gunship.

"Well, where have you guys been? You missed all the action over here!"

One of the clone's chuckled as he walked past, "Well, Sarge, we gotta little held up at the Geo's big arena. I'd say you missed all the action."

Vey chuckled and slung his rifle over his shoulder. Two more troopers came out of the gunship, one in yellow and the other in red. Vey knew exactly who they were.

He saluted,"Glad to see you, sir."

Commander Sel in his yellow armor saluted back,"Glad to be here, Sergeant. Good job holding the area, but you are to rejoin Alpha Company soon. They're approximately 3 standard klicks, kilometers, from the nearest Core Ship, they are assisting the entry of one of our Commando Squads."

Valez had jogged over and had saluted as well, Vey nodded as he listened.

"I'll get my men together we'll rejoin Alpha as soon as possible..."

"Good, I'll see you on the other side. Also, Lieutenant Drark will accompany you."

The clone in red armor nodded in recognition.

Suddenly, another gunship landed nearby...

...and Jedi Master Mace Windu stepped out.

"General Windu, we have several special forces units standing by..."

"Good, Commander, let's move."

Vey and Valez stood in awe of being in the presence of such an prestigous Jedi Master.

Mace Windu activated his lightsaber, and began leading Commander Sel and his squad of troops into the battlefield.

Vey looked to the gunship nearby and noticed that Master Yoda himself was inside.

"To the forward command post, take me..." Yoda said, and with that, the gunship was off. Vey sighed.

"Heh, that was cool. Now, let's move."

The troops had already rallied, and they moved into one of the nearby gunships.

The pilot turned around in his seat and faced Vey.

"Sir, what are your orders? Where do you need to go?"

"Get us to the front. These are the coordinates of our battalion."

Vey used his helmet comm to transmit the coordinates given by Commander Sel.

"Yes sir, I'll get this hunk'a junk off the ground."

"What?"

"Nothing sir, just a saying."

Vey shook his head and grabbed one of the handrails, he'd have to get used to these 'sayings.'

Valez grabbed the one right next to Vey.

"Sir, I forgot to tell you our casaulty report. Only two missing, one wounded, and one death, Keph."

Vey nodded,"Thanks, but I think the next report should wait until we're off of Geonosis, we haven't even penetrated the surface of this battle."

Suddenly, the gunship began to shake with the close impact of flak.

Then something hit the wing.

Hard.

Admiral_Thrawn
03-13-2009, 05:04 PM
The only issue I can see is the fact that they have name's during the battle of Geonosis. Clone's were only given number's up until Delta Squadron's comission. After that, name's started to attatch.

Other than that, a solid read. Great job CQ ((But mine is better :o <<Not>>))

CommanderQ
03-13-2009, 05:06 PM
Thanks Thrawn:D I was under the impression that clones had found their names through their training. Remember, they were trained by Mandalorians and multiple types of mercenaries, through the exposure to this form of the outside world, the clones came up with names for themselves, of course it wasn't officially acknowledged until much later...:D

Thanks though:D

Admiral_Thrawn
03-13-2009, 05:23 PM
Oh put a sock in it CQ! You just can't accept, just this once, that I'm right! On a more serious note-- *Ahem* --I think it is a beatiful tale that bring's together an enchanting world in which all th character's are distinctly seperated by a weave of tale's and memories in which is fabricated a tale for the ages . . . err . . . thumb's up?

ForeverNight
03-13-2009, 09:03 PM
Everything was immediatley quiet after the explosion, or perhaps that was everyone's ear drums recovering from the loud noise of it.

You don't need the "of it" at the end of that sentence.

Vey climbed his way out of the deep foxhole and propped himself up on a rock nearby. He looked at the explosion sight, and to his dismay, discovered that the grenade had been so absolute, that none of Keph's remains were there, everything had been incinerated. None for the burial.

"explosion sight" should be "explosion site" and "None for the burial" would probably read better with nothing left substituted for None...

Valez gestured to his blaster, it's barrel had smoke rising from it.

"It's" should be its, and "It's" could also be swapped with the.

"Well," Vey coughed,"I think they may be counter-attacking whether or not they have enough troops. We know and they know that this causeway controls nearly all of the enarby canyons. Get some ammunition distributed amongst the men, also, tell them up it's time to eat some rations, it isn't good to fight on an empty stomach."

"enarby" I'm guessing meant nearby.

.....*static* This Alpha-Charlie-3100, we are trying to reach airbourne troops supposed to be established at Vector 2-0...come in airbourne? *static* Commander Sel is in route."

Vey activated his comm,"Alpha-Charlie-3100, this is Airbourne leader. Vector 2-0 is secure. You are good to go."

Now, I don't know much about the phonetic alphabet outside the US, but, at least in the US military, A is Alfa, not Alpha... but in Europe or elsewhere it might be Alpha, so this could also be a non-error.

Well, that's it... Not a bad chapter. I just re-discovered this fic and thought it deserved a posting... as well as some error-correction. Good job!

Note: No, I am not a raving fan and any and all attempts to make me such will be met with extreme prejudice... or not.

CommanderQ
03-13-2009, 09:16 PM
Thanks Forever!! I appreciate the observations and corrections and will edit:D However, concerning the 'Alpha' 'Alfa' thing, this is Star Wars, it is neither European or American, however in the SW universe, it is already established as 'Alpha.' :D

Also, don't worry, you can be a critic, they're like lesser fans...:D

ForeverNight
03-15-2009, 05:04 PM
When was Alpha established? I honestly can't remember...

Well, I'm glad I have your permission to be a critic... I guess that means I'm going to have to go through your past few chapters -which just happen to be unedited- and figure out what you did wrong there?

LordOfTheFish
03-15-2009, 07:35 PM
Nice chapter, CQ, nice chapter indeed. I saw nothing that needed attention. Good job!

CommanderQ
03-31-2009, 11:58 PM
Everything went out at once, the lights, engine power, everything.

Red emergency lights began to flash across the troop cabin in the gunship as the reserve power generator came online.

The pilot was shouting into his comm.

"This is Alpha-Charlie 3100! We've been hit by flak! Engine power is minimal. Weapon power is minimal.....sir, everything is minimal! Request assistance at crash coordinates at...."

The gunship rocked quickly to the right, throwing numerous clones across the cabin.

Vey managed to grab a handhold, and a few of his fellow soldiers as everyone struggled for balance.

The sound of flak thumping around the ship grew louder, and everyone knew that the gunship was crash-landing. Luckily, no one had begun to panic. That was the advantage to being a clone, they didn't panic easily.

Vey growled and looked to the pilot,"GET THIS SHIP DOWN! WE'RE MORE LIKELY TO DIE IN THE AIR THEN WE ARE CRASHING!"

The Pilot looked back,"But sir...."

"I DON'T CARE! THIS SHIP IS BUILT TO WITHSTAND THOSE IMPACTS! GET HER DOWN! BE CAREFUL IF YOU LIKE, BUT WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS FLAK!"

The Pilot nodded, and was immediatley very calm as he understood what had to be done.

"Yes sir. Right away."

Vey let out a breath and looked to the other troops.

"Brace yourselves, watch the doors. I won't lie to you, this will either work, and we'll live. If not, it will be quick."

He hated being this frank with the troops, but he didn't know what would happen, he hoped that they could maintain their disciplined behaviour before they hit the surface.

The Pilot began to talk to himself, stress and worry obvious in his voice.

"600 meters....500 meters....400 meters....tower!! 250 meters...."

Suddenly, the ship banked hard right and slowed down, hitting the ground hard.

Everything that wasn't secured flew around the cabin, bouncing about, becoming projectiles. Vey was lifted off his feet but kept a hard hand on the hold, preventing himself from becoming one of the debris.

Then the ship rolled over to a stop, and everyone lost their hold and hit the far wall.

Vey had hit the side hard, but not before being nearly crushed by two other troops who had been thrown against him. Luckily, he had cushioned their impact, and they made it.

And just like that, everything was quiet as everyone began to realize what had just happened.

Then the noise returned, and the distant sound of battle could be heard, and rays of sunlight and dust began to show inside of the gunship. Vey struggled to stand, but Valez helped him up. The platoon began to grunt and groan as everyone tried to get back into the flow of things.

Something came to Vey's mind.

The Pilot.

He stumbled over to the cockpit ladder and looked up.

Only to see the pilot dangling from his seat.

A metal rations kit had become a projectile, and had impaled him to the seat, his blood staining the cockpit controls.

Vey felt a weight fall on his shoulders mentally, and he let out a sigh of sadness. But he shook it off, knowing that the other troopers still needed to get out of the ship.

The doors outside were still sealed shut, and the controls were currently covered in the pilot's blood.

Vey knew what he had to do, but he didn't feel right desecrating the pilot's place of death.

He climbed up the ladder carefully, and looked at the controls, searching for the right lever or button. He then found one marked: Outer Doors.

The pilot's hand was still grasping it, in a failed attempt to finish the mission.

Vey held his breath and began to pry the man's fingers from the controls. More blood began to come, and Vey felt as if his stomach was coming up his throat.

After a few minutes, he managed to pry the pilot's strong grip off of the controls. He punched the button, and one side door opened, the other one was stuck in the Geonosion dirt.

The dead pilot's comm chimed.

Vey activated it, "Airbourne Leader here, Alpha-Charlie 3100 is down. We have crash-landed due to heavy flak, over."

"Awfully sorry to hear that, Airbourne Leader. This is Air Command speaking. Are you able to give us your coordinates? If you can, we'll send a detachment to pick you up, over."

Vey checked the reading on the virtual map on the cockpit controls.

"Air Command, I am able to give you the coordinates. We are approximately at.....Delta 4-5, somewhere north of the 8th Core Ship."

The comm was silent for a moment.

"We copy, Airbourne Leader. It may take a bit, but we'll get that detachment to you. Air Command, over and out."

Vey deactived the comm and hopped down the ladder.

Corporal Valez had escorted many of the men out of the wrecked ship, a few bodies remained, but the majority of the platoon had survived.

Vey had no time to be joyful though.

They had one last task to attend to.

The wounded.

Darth_Yuthura
04-01-2009, 09:18 AM
Read

CommanderQ
04-01-2009, 01:27 PM
Hmm? Read? Oh, well, look at the title today....Revan vs The Company, I kinda' like that name...:D

Darth_Yuthura
04-01-2009, 06:09 PM
Yeah, I'm now mimicking machievelli.

Revan vs. Machievelli!

Really liked the dialog. Do you take actual audio recordings from real combat and revise it for Star Wars?

CommanderQ
04-01-2009, 10:47 PM
Well, I didn't exactly record, but yes, I did use dialogue and information records from military situations like this, that and watched a couple of movies, that was fun:D But I've been trying to work on the accuracy by sticking close to at least semi-military protocol, so I hope it works:D

Anyway, for a minute there I though you and Mach were the same....good impersonation there:D