View Full Version : [Fic] Nighthunter

01-09-2009, 03:04 AM
This is a brand new fanfic. Existing in a completely alternate dimension to all my other previous fanfics. The only similarity this fanfic bears to any of my previous SW related fics is it includes the Kaminoan Arch from Urban Death. Bare in mind that Arch is a slightly different character compared to his previous incarnation and follows a completely different history



Coruscant was always a drab and depressing sort of place. During the day the planet blossomed with life. Humans and aliens alike worked themselves to death simply to amass an assortment of credits to survive upon. Nightlife was a different story altogether. Though many of Coruscant's tourists would quickly bore of the nightclubs and bars altogether. They were to similar to a planet such as Corellia.

Bars however usually stay open far earlier in the day then the nightclubs on Coruscant. However during the day the only patrons would most likely be either alcoholics or bounty hunters. It was rare to see anyone wanting to drink casually during the day.

This day was obviously no exception. The rain from the previous day had quickly enough created a slight damp atmosphere within the local bar. It was a quiet out of the way place to be sure; Only attracting lost tourists or criminals.

The bartender was a quiet droid who was always seen cleaning glasses. The droid had no legs. Instead rotating along a prebuilt track behind the counter. When the droid did speak, he only did so when asking the customer about his drink. His programming disallowed him to engage in small talk of any nature.

Jarr Doova quickly entered the Cantina with a smug grin on his face. Jarr was a constant regular to the bar and was permanently added to the bartender droid's memory. Jarr gave off a vibrant glow to him as he walked past the bar tables towards the other end of the Cantina. Though the Cantina was visibly empty the Rodian quickly spotted his target leaning next to a booth.

The Rodian stared deep at the tall human leaning on the wall. The human had bright blond hair hidden underneath a small brown hat. His hair fell over his forehead and appeared to hide his eyes. The human had a fairly thin face covered in a semi-long beard. The human's blue eyes simply stared back at the Rodian and scoffed slightly in resentment. He wore a brown jacket with a green undershirt underneath.

"You do know Truesdale I still don't have my credits." Jarr barked at the human. Jarr's particular accent of Rodianese sounded heavily mixed in with basic. It sounded like a Wampa coming to rip off the legs of a Tauntan.

"You'll get it when I do. I still have to wait until later for this job to pay off." Truesdale remarked. Though Jarr was far taller then he was, he still didn't show any sign of resentment or fear. By the human's legs was a long instrument of unknown origins. The Rodian quickly leaned right next to him and laughed slightly.

"Alright then. I'll wait. What are you performing tonight?" Jarr asked slowly in curiosity. He raised his scaly eyebrow slowly upwards as he turned his head.

"That's the problem. I don't know. Last night I was almost thrown out of the Pale Krayt bar because I wasn't a Bith or something. The only reason I am here is because there aren't to many people who come here." The human slowly slid his way to a sitting upright position

"Jarr you know all the regulars in this Cantina right?" He asked as his eyes caught the glance at a particular patron across the bar. Jarr with a bored expressio quickly recognizing the fellow meager outcasts of Coruscant sitting at various booths around the room. Truesdale quickly pointed towards a patron at the far end of the bar. "Who is that?" He asked curiously. Jarr strained his eyes for a few minutes, then shrugged.

"I don't know. Not a regular... maybe a tourist?" He answered slowly. Truesdale slowly rose to his feet and took his instrument inhand. He slowly walked over to the unknown patron.

What confused Truesdale the most was the appearance of the patron in question. He was a short Kaminoan wearing a black Trench coat. Unlike the dull flaunting smug Kaminoans Truesdale had seen before on Kamino, this one was different. His eyes were slightly smaller, carrying a shade of deep brown in their irises. His eyes themselves had dark bags deep underneath them. Giving the appearance of an older male. The Kaminoan lacked a traditional crest the rest of his species wore. Instead his head was completely bald like the female counterpart of the species. The Kaminoan's neck was far smaller but still gave off it's thin appearance. Truesdale slowly grabbed a nearby stool and sat across from the Kaminoan.

As he did this, Truesdale took notice towards the Kaminoan's expression. He appeared as if in a trance, not noticing the human across from him. Truesdale quickly snapped his fingers towards him and began talking.

"Hey, I haven't seen you around here." Truesdale said quickly. It was mostly out of surprise at his appearance. The Kaminoan shook his head several times as his pupils dilated. He slowly sat upright and took notice towards the human.

"Oh?... Does it matter?" The Kaminoan said. His leftover Correlian ale appeared to have started evaporating. Indicating he was possibly there for quite a while.

"No not really. I don't normally see to many high class aliens here. What's your story?" Truesdale asked as he called over Jarr from the other side of the Cantina. The Kaminaon slowly shrugged and appeared annoyed. As Jarr walked over Truesdale stood up.

"Hey, Jarr. You know this guy?" Truesdale asked slowly to the Rodian. Now closer to the Kaminoan in question Jarr shook his head. "I don't see to many Kaminoans. What's your name?" Jarr asked as he pulled up a stool

The Kaminoan's need to walk away lessened as he straightened himself. He slowly adjusted the collar of his jacket as he began to speak. "Arch. I just came here yesterday to get away from... all that" He said as he waved his hand towards the door. Truesdale soon stood up and introduced himself.

"I am Delbert Truesdale. Traveling musician. This is my personal friend and loan shark Jarr Doova." Jarr slowly nodded towards him. "So what do you mean by all that? What do you do for a living?" He asked curiously. Truesdale didn't normally associate himself with strangers. However starved for a song like he was, Truesdale needed a quick idea for some sort of poem to make a tune out of.

Arch sighed slowly and leaned back in his stool. "Well it's kinda complected." He slowly picked up his old glass of Correlian ale and drank it. "Let me start at the beginning..."

To be continued

01-09-2009, 05:56 AM
I want more story.
Can't say it more any more plain nor basic :xp:

More I say! More!

01-09-2009, 09:20 PM
I want more story.
Can't say it more any more plain nor basic :xp:

More I say! More!

Looking forward to more...as always :xp:

01-10-2009, 02:22 AM
This is the first piece of work I've read from you, but I've noticed some of your stories over in the JK boards.

I really like it and I want to see more, no doubt. I'm interested to see who this Arch character turns out to be. Great job, RakataDark.


01-10-2009, 04:11 AM
Act 1: Living life by the blaster

Chapter 1: In the beginning...

Things have a habit of complicating themselves when you don't notice. I often had that happening to me a whole lot of the time. Of course I didn't really see much of a pattern until later when I had done so many errands for people. But really I don't think you care about that

I guess to answer your question properly I would have to go back... probably a month or so ago. But I should probably go back even further. For the last few years or so I was apart of Cor-Sec, a form of law enforcement on Corellia. I knew large sectors of Corellia so well that I could probably have walked through them backwards. But rest assured that is not the proper way to answer your question.

Lets just say that after Corellia I got into a bit of trouble. See I was a detective for Cor-Sec. It wasn't that hard to rise from officer to Detective, but there were harder tasks and missions to perform. But I did rather adequately and made some sort of name for myself. Then of course everything went to hell. I got assigned to this case for this local Hutt or something. Some big fat crimelord hiding out in some Cantina. I bit off a bit more then I could chew in regards to finding him and soon I found out getting on a crime lord's bad side isn't always a good thing. I got framed with so many crimes by my own fellow detectives that I eventually had to leave Corellia

Leaving wasn't particularly difficult. I took public transport, only carrying my bag and meager possessions. I wasn't allowed to take a blaster aboard the ship so I had to obviously leave it behind. I don't know why, but I don't really feel all that safe without a blaster. I just feel... vulnerable without it. I kept expecting some Ughnaut assassin jumping up from the seat above me holding a blaster to my temple. Rest assured that didn't happen but I didn't feel safe again until once the ship landed in Coruscant. Bare in mind this was all a month ago so things were slightly different

I only told about... three other people about me hiding out on Coruscant. I really didn't want to attract any sort of attention so I rented out an apartment far away from any main attractions or CBLE departments. Incase you are wondering, CBLE is supposedly the law enforcement around here. But I wasnt all that scared of them. What I was scared of was walking down Coruscant's streets unarmed.

When I walked into my apartment one month ago I felt the place looked to clean. It's furniture was without a speck of dust. It's walls were far to pale white with not a blemish in sight. It's holonet looked shiny and new, almost now out of the box. I felt nervous just standing in the doorway of the apartment. One thing I cannot absolutely stand is an apartment that looks too new. It just feels like they have bugged the place or something. But irregardless that is beside the point. I rest my small bag on a nearby chair and quickly went to the comlink on the wall.

Comlinks are always going to be a mystery to me. I can't really remember why I called him, but I did. I called my sometime friend Jules Razaak. He was a local Sabaac player. He used to sell Sabaac cards in cantinas on Corellia; which was were I met him. But he went to Coruscant because apparently there were quite a few players here. I knew Jules had an apartment somewhere close to the one I was in.

I quietly waited for the tone to pick up. Then I heard a deep human voice speak on the other line. "Hello?" Jule's basic dialect was something I was always confused with. He always elongated his s's so they would sound longer. It made him sound like a damned Trandoshan or something.

"Yeah Jules? This is Arch. Listen I am on Coruscant" I said slowly into the comlink

"Oh Arch? That Kaminoan dude who doesn't keep his hands off his triggers? Yea I remember you.." Of course he did. I only last saw Jules in a bar a few weeks before.

"Yeah a few things happened on Corellia and I need to lie low. You mind if I can buy a blaster off you or something?" I asked him slowly while thinking about the right way to word it.

"... blasters? Well I probably have something around here..." Jules spent the next... probably minute and a half discussing the directions. As I listened I slowly scanned the apartment again. Something just didn't feel right about it still. I quickly left the apartment and walked down to street level

It was well into the day, as the sun was high in the middle of the sky. As on Corellia I could see the constant blurs of speeders and ships rushing by as quick as a flash on the streets. I slowly walked down a narrow walkway past a few neon signs. Then I caught sight of a crowd of people nearby. Curiosity sparked quickly as I walked towards the crowd.

I parted my way through the narrow crowd towards the middle. There was the shape of a man on the dirty concrete. But this man had long since been dead. Large gaping wounds tore through his flesh on both his arms and legs. The legs themselves were twisted in different positions. I quickly looked up to see a pane of broken durasteel glass.

It was obvious what happened. This idiot of a human obviously took a little to much Corellian ale. Saw a few speeders outside the window and thought in a drunken vision he could fly. So he broke the glass and "attempted" to fly. This was the result.

I looked at the corpse and shrugged it off. The humans and near humans around me kept gasping and recoiling in terror. The whole thing seemed far to pointless for me. As I continued walking I could already hear the sound of CBLE coming to clear the crowd.

I made my way through a few more alleys towards Jule's apartment. The apartment building itself loomed in my direction. It was much smaller then the rent able complex I resided in. But it seemed far more dirty then mine was. One thing I cannot stand is a filthy area. I felt tainted, unclean and poor just walking on the stained floors towards the elevator. The lobby of the building looked as if it had once been condemned. As if I was expecting a few small beasts to be lurking around I quickly walked towards the hydro lift nearby. The severe nakedness I felt on the ship to Coruscant came far more vibrant now. The pocket I kept my blaster in was empty, but my hand kept reaching there. As if looking to see if I had some sort of weapon hidden there of use


I felt startled by the sound. My trail of thought was interrupted by the Hydro lift doors finally opening. I slowly sighed and walked inside the lift. The Hydro lift to my relief was clean... to an extent. At least it didn't look like a light fight had broken out inside of it.

I slowly reached for the buttons on the elevator for Jules's floor. As the Hydro lift rose I turned around to look through the durasteel glass window. As the elevator went up I could already feel the sun disappear behind a nearby building. As the warm rays left me I felt... disappointed in a way. Somehow I expected more.

I waited for the elevator to finally make it to Jules's floor. The only thing I could anticipate now was a blaster in my hand.

01-10-2009, 11:07 PM
Good chapter! The continued mentions of Arch's desire for the comfort of a blaster, puts wonder and questions into my head. I like that :)


01-11-2009, 01:54 PM
Yeah, sometimes I feel naked without my knife. Once you have it, you feel...protected...not opened and vulnerable. I like how you added that part in this last chapter.

01-11-2009, 09:31 PM
Nice, nice work, RD. I really like this Arch character.
Well written.
Really looking forward to reading more :D

I concur with the fact about him wanting a blaster at his side.
Especially if he has concerns about his apartment.

01-12-2009, 09:36 PM
Chapter 2: First requests

As I walked out of the Hydro lift I felt an immense sense of vertigo, a sense of Deja Vu as I started to walk. For some reason I felt flushed to step off the elevator and into this simple hallway. I didn't know why of course. I hadn't eaten anything for quite a while, nor did I drink any Alcohol since I left Corellia. Something about me just didn't feel right standing this high off the ground. I merely started walking to shrug it off

The funny thing about Kaminoans is, we always move elegantly. I of course was probably engineered no differently in that regard. When I walk I often move my elongated arms slightly, I sway my hips slowly and move my legs in the same direction. Really I just look and feel very higher class then most of the peasants that dwell in massive city planets like Coruscant. That is why I wasn't hesitant to leave Corellia, there were to many poor beggars walking the streets. The site of them disgusted me

I made my way down Jules's hallway towards his door. Already my first impression of Jules's home life came from his door. I moved my hand and traced my finger down the door frame. Catching a small amount of dust down it. I quickly wiped the dust off my pants and knocked on the door slowly. I slowly waited for a few minutes until the door swung open

Jules was a short man of course. He was a heavy set human with a dark complexion. His hair was black and raggedy and stunk of onions. That is another thing about Kaminoans. Our sense of smell is a little more... strong then a Humans. I instantly guessed that Jules didn't wash himself in more then a week. At least I bothered to wash myself before I left Corellia

"Hi... Jules..." I said slowly as I walked in. Jules's apartment was the apex of dirtiness. Trash and scrap metal littered the floor and furniture. I felt sick to whatever stomach I had as I maneuvered my way through the dirty apartment towards a table near the far end.

"So anyway Arch. I was checking 'round here and I found a few things I pawned off this guy. Apparently he was in such need for Pazaak cards he pawned off even his clothing. Jules pointed towards a medium sized transporting box on the table. As I walked towards it I felt that exact same feeling I had before in the hallway. But it passed far quicker and easier then the previous time. I quickly picked up the box and placed it onto the ground.

The box was full of several items of varying interest. The first item that I noticed was a trench coat. Now bare in mind, at the time I was still wearing the clothing I went undercover for Cor-Sec for. Which was mostly "standard issue" civi clothes. These were practical and hardly pleasing to the eye at all. I quickly donned the coat, noticing the jacket was a tad big for my frame. Especially in the arms, but I liked the nice change to simple civi clothes. I checked around the box some more but all I found left of any interest was an old datapad.

"This antique? It looks like it was used when Stormtrooper armor was still fashionable." I said to him sarcastically. As I picked up the datapad I noticed it was far larger then the datapads Cor-Sec had me carry around. Though I placed the machine into my pocket. I was just hoping that the nearest hardware store had something better then obsolete tech in my pocket

"Well anyway Arch. About a blaster, now I know an alien like yourself is not going to like walking around the streets of Coruscant unarmed. But all I have left currently is this." Jules lead me towards a small closet to his apartment. It appeared as if he renovated it to look like a miniature storeroom. On the leftmost slot in the closet held a blaster

Now bare in mind I love blasters of any sort. You could consider that to be a hobby of mine. I just love how they work and how easy it is to kill some punk wanting to blow your brains out. But I must admit, I hate old technology. Especially the used... DC-17 he handed me. I looked upon the gun with absolute hatred. It felt like a small amount of rust existed upon it's surface. I felt disgusted.. no tainted to even hold the weapon. But I still pocketed it into the Trench Coat's inner pocket.

"Alright. So you know anyone here who has any errands that need doing? I am in need of a few credits" I said with absolutely no trace of my previous contempt in my voice.

"Well I don't know. But if you can pick me up some blue milk from the store across the way I can pay you about 10 credits." I shrugged slightly, I didn't have anything better to do then hang around my suspicious apartment.

The sun was already starting to set but I already knew that it was going to be a long night.

01-12-2009, 11:30 PM
Nice new installment. The DC-17 isn't that bad, but for the era that he is in, it must be. Good to know that he now has a blaster on him.

I wonder what awaits him at the store....

Keep it up!

01-13-2009, 02:20 PM
Brilliant! A very good chapter indeed. DC-17, eh? Anyway, I'm interested in reading the chapter.

01-13-2009, 09:46 PM
Yeah, I think the DC would be just a 'little' outdated by now. I wouldn't be too happy carrying it around either :lol:
But least its a weapon.

Nice chap. Wondering if anything will happen on his way to get the blue milk, or when he drops it back off to Jules.

01-14-2009, 09:57 PM
Alright I think its time to reintroduce a concept I have with a lot of my fictions. Beginning each chapter with a quote from a song. I didn't do this with the first two since they were mostly to set the tone and setting.

Chapter 3: The blue milk run

I'm back in the USSR
You don't know how lucky you are, boy
Back in the US
Back in the US
Back in the USSR

The Beatles - Back In The USSR

I don't really want to describe my way back down Jules's apartment building. I was already to excited about being armed with a weapon. So lets skip that part and go straight to the street level

The sunset was already well down. As I felt the dusk air cool my nostrils I felt better about walking out of the incredibly dirty building. I slowly began walking in the direction Jules mentioned the store was in. Along the way I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out my blaster. Bare in mind, the Dl-17 was an okay blaster... when it first came out. But now it's 10 years after the damn battle of Yavin. I still couldn't believe that Jules had a relic from the old republic in his apartment. I slowly checked the blaster clip slowly and reinserted it into the gun. I slowly cocked it forward and aimed it towards an Aurebesh sign. I slowly read it up and down

"Corellian Ale. A great taste" I shot the word great and cursed out loud. I actually meant to shoot Taste to test my ability.

"This goddamn piece of junk can't even shoot straight. I would be better off throwing it at someone then shooting them." I swore for several seconds quietly and continued to walk. I pocketed the blaster anyway, just in case. Normally in that position I would have thrown it at the sign.

The store was a simple place. Just a lit shop crammed into a large building. As I walked into it I caught the sight of a Gran across the room at a counter.

The store looked no different then the ones I saw in Coronet. It was your basic large room with aisles and a counter. I displayed no interest in the pathetic Gran and simply continued walking across the room. Mostly I hoped that he wouldn't see my weapon. I had once seen a shopkeeper who kept an Rail Detonator under the counter because of thugs.

I slowly caught sight of various products in the aisles. There were products such as foodstuffs and Bacta. But there was also Medkits and energy containers.

Odd I thought to myself for a second. Why would a corner store stock medkits and shield rechargers. But this only wavered for a second as I really lost interest. I slowly walked past the various aisles towards the deep freezes containing colder foodstuffs. I slowly took out a small carton of Blue Milk and sighed of relief.

I hate being a delivery boy. It just feels humiliating; like a dumb trained Katarn running around a planet for a fat Hutt. Before you ask no my analogies are not going to get better so shut it. Anyway as I pulled the carton out I heard something at the entrance of the store. I slowly closed the deep freeze door and crouched behind an aisle.

As I peered out I caught sight of several Trandoshans and Rodians walking into the store. At the most there were probably 5 of them walking in. All armed to the teeth with better hardware then I had. I slowly placed the carton down and took out my blaster ever so slowly.

"Resdakk says you still owe him 1000 credits" The trandoshan leading in front said. I personally don't like Trandoshans to much. Rodians I can stand, but a Trandoshan just looks like a smelly Kowakian monkey lizard. It just doesn't feel to right to me. I slowly waited for an opportunity to present itself.

"Resdakk doesn't own my bar. I am still under protection from the Blue Gungan!" The Gran shouted very loud and quick. As if he wanted to scare the 5 thugs off.

I kept crouching. Slowly aiming my blaster towards the leader Trandoshan. But what I didn't count on was a Rodian glancing in my direction and seeing me

"Look there. Someones there." I swore outloud very quickly and stood up. Aiming my blaster before they could.

"Any of you want to fire one shot at me. I'll blow you away." I snarled at them loudly. Apparently however the leader Trandoshan wasn't at all intimidated by this since he pulled out a massive DL-44 at me. I had barely enough time to crouch back in the aisle.

"Take him down." The Trandoshan snarled at the rest of the thugs. I slowly waited, hearing several footsteps coming near me. As I waited I slowly checked my breathing to tell if it was irregular, then I held my breath. I saw a Rodian come to my right.

As if like a reflex I opened fire at the Rodian. Hitting him directly in the torso. The Rodian's knees buckled as I opened a massive cavity in his chest. The Rodian screamed in his native tongue as I continued firing at him. I had barely enough time to react as a Trandoshan opened fire at me. I quickly dived into another nearby aisle and crouched again. Then I waited for the Trandoshan to reload.

I was close enough to the Trandoshan to point the gun at his head. In a split second I stood up, aimed and fired at his peasant face. The Trandoshan was blown clear off his feet and landed right into a Deep Freeze. A Rodian near him could barely aim his weapon before I shot him in the leg. The Rodian fell and could barely react as I walked towards him. I pressed the DC-17 onto the insects head.

Now don't take this the wrong way. But for some reason I felt some sick pleasure watching his pupils dilate; the fear enter his eyes. I gained some sort of happiness blowing a large hole into his head. As the Rodian's bloody corpse fell to my feet I slowly walked over it and aimed my gun at the remaining two thugs

The remaining two were Trandoshans, one of them the leader. As soon as I walked towards the two of them one of the thugs ran out of the store.

"A pity." I said slowly was I aimed my gun towards the Trandoshan. I was surprised that he didn't reach for his weapon. Instead pulling the Gran out from behind his counter. I backed up slowly and watched him go behind the Gran.

"Come any closer and I blow him away." I caught sight of an SG-4 blaster carbine in his hands. He was obviously a rookie, since he didn't fire it. I had used that very model when I was apart of Cor-Sec. As I heard him speak I coughed slightly.

"Fine I don't care. Kill him." I slowly walked forwards and watched the Gran's face recoil in horror. The Trandoshan shot him in the back, causing his body to fall in front of me. In that instant the Trandoshan didn't notice my gun pressed upon his chest

The kill was excellent. No blood, no mess. Just the Trandoshan falling backwards, his head hitting the side of the counter. A deep trail of blood soon oozed out of the back of his head. I slowly walked over to the Trandoshan and fired the rest of my clip into his corpse. Then I dropped it onto the ground.

I picked up his Sg-4. Contrary to popular belief the SG-4 is actually very lightweight. It is thin and easy to carry while wearing civi clothing. So I quickly folded up it's stock and slung it onto my back using it's strap. At least a carbine would be better then a badly designed pistol.

I walked back towards were I placed the Blue Milk. I picked it up and carefully stepped over the thug's corpses. As I did so I took out my datapad and checked the time.

"Lets see... it has been around 20 hours since I last killed someone. Not my best record." I said monotone as I placed it back into my pocket. I slowly hummed to myself as I walked out of the store

The store's light was still on by the time CBLE made it there. But I was long gone by then.

01-15-2009, 03:50 PM

01-15-2009, 07:35 PM
Excellent work, Rakata. I noticed a few minor errors, but they are easily fixed. I think you put Dl-17, instead of DC-17.

Good job, though.


01-15-2009, 08:32 PM
:Nod: I concur.
A good job. Nice telling us about Arch's un-natural taste for killing.
Liking this story.
Keep it up!

And yeahp, there's a part in there where you say DI-17 instead of DC-17, but anyways.
Apart from that, this was the only other thing I noticed...
I was already to excited about being armed with a weapon

Supposed to be: too

Not that big I know but lol ... As I said: only other thing I noticed.
Nice work.

01-18-2009, 12:04 AM
Grammar has never been the strongest part of my writing. Anyway in other news I have recently received both Quake 2 and 4 for my 360.

Chapter 4: Something I need
I stole a mask from a phantom
to disappear for a day
I stole the ring from the golem
to watch him wither away

The Hiss - Back on the radio

One thing I absolutely love to do is walk in the dark. The entire... feeling of just walking into the unknown. It just feels fascinating to me. The only feeling that can compare to that is walking into fog. Fog is another thing i like to walk into, except unlike night I can at least see where I am going.

Another little quirk about Kaminoans. Sadly enough we have very good night vision. So in that case I am virtually blind within the dark. However in the light on the other hand, I can see at a far greater distance then a human being in my position. I guess a two handed sword is better then nothing at all... but honestly I don't know what I am talking about now...

Anyway after leaving the store I started walking. I love mega cities like Coruscant and Corellia for one reason. They are as brightly lit during the night as they are during the day. I walked down a few catwalks fully noticing all of my surroundings. As I walked I noticed a lack of pedestrians walking around, but I paid no notice. I kept walking until I made it back to Jules's building

Now I was scared. You had better believe I was scared out of my goddamn mind. As I walked into Jules's apartment building I was shocked. I thought I walked into the wrong building. But there was no denying it based upon the address. It wasn't the filth from before that shocked me. On the contrary the place was spotless

In the lobby of the apartment building I felt I could almost see my reflection in the walls. The place was so neat and tidy I felt I almost had a heart attack. It seemed only ten minutes before I walked into a peasant lair. Yet here I was, in a den of better living. I eased myself to the elevator which like the lobby looked spotless. Even the Cor-Sec building in Coronet wasn't as clean as this place. It was as if the landlord enslaved dozens of peasants to wipe the soot off the entire building top to bottom. I quickly calmed myself down a tad, it was far to childish and stupid to keep dwelling on such things

The hallway on Jules's floor was the same as the lobby. Clean as hell, but I ignored it and walked back towards Jules's door. I slowly knocked on his door and waited outside. Briefly checking my SG-4. The trigger felt jammed and it's clip felt a little light. Meaning I would be in trouble if a group of thugs or peasants tried to rob me. I sighed slowly and slung the weapon back onto my back. As I did this Jules answered the door. Before the door even swung open I barged myself in. Thrusting his blue milk into his hands.

"Hey Arch... I take it you had a bad time buying me blue milk?" Jules asked earnestly. His sincerity felt masked by sarcasm so I ignored him. I noticed he had another figure in the apartment. As the figure turned I sighed slightly.

The figure was a Gand who was roughly my height. I measured this by walking closer to him. Now I have never met a Gand before in my life, I had only known of their species from holograms in the briefing rooms on Corellia. So I felt I was learning just by standing here. I knew Gands, like Kel Dors needed a special kind of re breather to breath within oxygen rich environments. But other then that I knew virtually nothing else

This Gand in particular appeared to be a mercenary. How do I know this? He wore typical mercenary armor that encased him within a shell. What appeared to be eye sockets were set high above, where a human's forehead would be. The helmet slanted backwards in a hook-like fashion downwards. The re breather itself was situated in the middle of his helmet. Protruding out of the re breather were thick tubes that lead to an area I didn't care to notice. The armor itself that the Gand wore was dark brown and coarse. As if the Gand went onto Tatooine and found the armor laying in the sands for centuries. Across his armor rested an ammunition belt with a blaster holster attached to it. The Gand also wore a large overcoat above his armor which I already knew carried several more weapons.

"Who's this Jules? You bought some Sabaac cards off a dealer and forgot to pay?" I asked him turning my head slightly before fixing my gaze back upon the stranger. Jules quickly rushed forward and rested himself in the middle of his.

"Arch this is Nukeel. He just came up here because of my prime selection of Sabaac cards." I shrugged slightly because honestly I didn't care. I was close with my guess anyway.

"Yeah yeah yeah. I don't really care. Anyway if you don't mind I need to get back to my apartment. So just give me your ten credits already." I said as I yawned. I watched as Jules put a strange look on his face. Like he didn't know what I was talking about. Then a sudden realization came to him and he ran into his closet.

I walked over a wall to my left and casually leaned onto it. I waited patiently until I heard the Gand walk over to me.

"I take it your after some credits?" Nukeel asked me. His voice sounded robotic and artificial. But of course his re breather probably had a vocabulary inside to translate whatever the gibberish his species spoke into pure galactic standard basic.

"I am always looking for credits... why?" I asked him casually, yawning again.

"Well I know someone who might need some work done. Judging by your appearance and SG-4 I take it your not afraid to get your hands dirty." I stopped leaning on the wall and straightened myself out. Then I walked closer to the Gand

"How do I know you don't have a collection of credits on you right now. You are here to buy some Sabaac cards after all. This was a futile jest on my part because I heard a loud sound, like an ignition sound. I looked bellow me and saw the Gand had quickly pulled his blaster on me. The blaster was aimed at my chest

"Because your probably not stupid enough to try and rob me." Nukeel soon pulled out a device with his other hand. "Here. Jules tells me you worked for Cor-Sec. Well if you check out I'll contact you proper. Then the Gand quickly withdrew his blaster and moved his head closer to me. "Word to the wise though. I wouldn't try and do anything stupid... like try and take me down." I heard shuffling beside me, Jules's outstretched hand containing ten credits.

"Here you are Arch. Ten credits for that blue milk you got me." I heard a shuffling in the Gand's re breather. As if it was a shallow laugh.

"Well then Razaak. It looks like I don't need your Sabaac cards anymore." Without any word the Gand quickly walked out of Jules's apartment. Jules's face had a very humorous confused expression. Yet it wasn't the time nor mood to laugh. I still had Nukeel's device in my hand

The device was a comlink designed to rest on the user's head. I knew these were rather expensive due to all the intricate technology and how exactly it would rest on the user's head. I slowly placed the comlink onto my head and quickly allowed it to stick to my skin. Kaminoan's have a very intricate system for hearing that I wont go into detail right now. But just trust me that I could potentially hear anything that would go through the comlink.

"Thanks Jules. Listen I have to go now. Without so much as glancing back at him I walked out of his apartment. I slowly checked the time with my datapad and began the long trek back down through the creepy lobby towards my apartment.

01-20-2009, 10:46 PM
Bravo, Rakata, bravo! This was a great chapter. It was a bit awkward in the beginning, but I can't really explain more than that. As always, I look forward to more!


Rabish Bini
01-23-2009, 10:02 PM
It was nice, but it had a few weird parts.

Try to refrain from using "anyway" when a character isn't talking, it's too casual, and sound smore like you're having a conversation with someone rather than writing a story.

The main problem was you leave out the second set of talking marks when someone finishes, and you do this often. Too often, don't forget.

I didn't find any spelling errors, despite what you said about bad grammar.

The beginning of the chapter seemed to serve no real purpose other than filling in space, try to work on that.

Other than that, good work :thumbsup:

01-24-2009, 01:55 AM
Yes, I agree, those last two chapters were great! I have always liked your style of writing, and every chapter is entertaining. I definately look forward to more!

01-24-2009, 02:32 AM
I humbly thank Rabish for reviewing Nighthunter on my request

In other news I guess I have to do this officially. I have to put Nighthunter on temporary Hiatus. I am all ready to write but I have noticed from a lot of my friends and fellow fanfic writers that the majority of my criticisms are based around my grammar and consistency. So until I find a permanent Beta Reader I shall place Nighthunter on Hiatus.

Rabish Bini
01-26-2009, 04:48 AM
I humbly thank Rabish for reviewing Nighthunter on my request

In other news I guess I have to do this officially. I have to put Nighthunter on temporary Hiatus. I am all ready to write but I have noticed from a lot of my friends and fellow fanfic writers that the majority of my criticisms are based around my grammar and consistency. So until I find a permanent Beta Reader I shall place Nighthunter on Hiatus.
No worries, I'll willing to review every so often if you wish, but I'm not online too often anymore.