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View Full Version : [Fic] The Darkness Incarnate


Admiral_Thrawn
02-17-2009, 03:39 PM
The shadowy figure took two steps forward, positioning himself directly in front of the mirror. Upon gazing into the glass he saw his face, half of it covered in darkness, the features obscure, almost non-existent. He looked away from this spectacle with disgust and turned to the other. He saw his face, blanketed in a small cover of light and warmth. Much did he prefer the second image, for the first brought him only images of pure vulgar . . . He looked down to a small container in front of him and stared at it for a moment. He picked up the small cylinder and examined it. A small rectangle of glass ran down one side of the tube, revealing the contents. The contents were hard to make out at first and the figure thought it nothing more than a beverage. He drew placed the cylinder on the floor and removed a glove from his right hand, folding it carefully. After securing the glove to his belt, the figure drew off the lid and put the cylinder just below his eye. Carefully he watched the contents shake about as he gently tilted the container. He found the spectacle most . . . seductive. Abandoning all sense of restrainment he poured the dark liquid down his throat, finally breaking free of the bonds that held him back.

The liquid was sweet, but had a eery sense about it. The figure did not acknowledge this as he swiftly reached for another container. He quickly cast aside the lid as he hastily put the tube to his lips. Once again he drank deeply, letting the warm liquid burn a straight trail down his throat. Once the man begun to drink the waters, he could not stop. He started down a path that even the most stalwart can not turn back upon. The briefest touch, the slightest thought. It drew him in and ensnared him whole. He dropped the container, clutching his head in agony. He looked to the mirror once more to find his features completely obscured by the darkness. So caught up had he been in devouring the seductive liquid that he failed to notice his image fading into darkness. He knew now only the call of darkness. For he had not known it was present . . . until it consumed him.

So another being fell to the power of the dark side . . .

igyman
02-24-2009, 06:00 PM
Short, but definitely interesting. The idea of portraying the Dark Side from the view of what seems to me as a drug addict is excellent.

If I understood correctly from some of your other posts, this is your first attempt at writing a fanfic. I for one think you have great potential and I don't think you should stop here. Sure, you need to work on some things (in this particular case - length), but practice makes perfect. The prologue of my first fanfic wasn't longer than what you've written, but I had a bunch of ideas that I wanted to write down and I decided to try to improve. The suggestions from other, more experienced members definitely helped a lot. Bottom line: If you have good ideas for fanfics, you should definitely try to put them on virtual (or actual) paper.

Bee Hoon
02-25-2009, 02:43 AM
There are a few minor errors, such as "images of pure vulgar". "He drew placed the cylinder", eery instead of eerie. Reading through the fic carefully after a break will help you pick up those errors. As igyman said, this is a very original perspective! The descriptions are nice and clear, and I do hope to see you posting more here :) This is waaaaaay better than my first fic, so I really hope you do elaborate further on this, and/or start writing new awesome stories!