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View Full Version : [Fic] So Much Death


LordOfTheFish
02-20-2009, 11:36 PM
OK, so I wrote this the night before the contest. My brain probably wasn't functioning all that great. So, if your gonna tell me it's retarded and the stuff about the rancor could never happen, "don't post at all."

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So Much Death

The dark robed sith stood in a circle holding each others hands. They spoke in some old tongue that Sarrah had never heard before. The chants rung in her ear, over, and over…

“Ala’ tay chee kataros… Ala’ tay chee kataros.”

Sarrah wanted to scream at them to stop, but if her presence became known, she hadn’t a clue what they mite do to her. Nor did she want to think about it…

Suddenly someone let out a inhuman scream. The kind that were only heard in dreams. But this was no dream, it was far from it…

The screaming continued, until a figure with a rope around his neck was dragged by more robed sith into the middle of the circle. Lighting struck outside startling Sarrah and the victim both…

The victim was of a species that Sarrah didn’t know. Then, the chanting stopped… Everything and everyone fell silent. Sarrah dared not even breath for fear that they would hear her.

Then just as suddenly as they had stopped, one of the sith spoke.

“After many long years of hunting your kind, we have numbered you down to last one. Now! I will rid the galaxy of your scum-bag species for ever!” The others began to chant again.

“Ala’ tay chee kataros.”

The same sith who had spoken stepped forward to the figure. He drew a deep crimson red lightsaber above his head. The, he spoke.

“Finally, it is finished…” And with those last words, the life of the helpless alien was ended.

The Sith who had delivered the final blow then fell to the ground. His hood slid off exposing a old wrinkled neimodian. The rest of the sith then looked down upon him in what seem to be respect. Another sith stepped forward. He spoke.

“Now that it is all said and done, we will sacrifice you to the almighty Kataros. Bring him in!” The same servants who had dragged the victim into the room quickly scurried away. Everything fell silent once more.

The silence was soon interrupted by a roar so loud the room shook. The sith began to chant once more.

“Ala’ tay chee kataros. Ala’ tay chee kataros.”

Sarrah felt like screaming Who is Kataros? But she knew better.

Another roar soon followed, this time sending a chill down Sarrah’s back. She knew now that whatever this Kataros thing was, it wasn’t going to be pretty. Her eyes stared at the large doorway through which the servants had gone. She now began to wonder if she really wanted to know who Kataros was.

The third and final roar was heard by all. A irregularly large Bull Rancor entered the coliseum. The very site of the creature was enough to scare any man.

It stepped closer to the circle of Sith. They chanted again.

“Ala’ tay chee kataros. Ala’ tay chee kataros.”

Sarrah was very afraid now. She knew the mistake of following the sith from her village was a bad one. And now it seemed that her life was in jeopardy.

The Rancor looked down at the old crusty sith who lay in pain on the stone floor. Sarrah noticed fresh blood on it’s teeth, obviously from the servants.

The same sith who summoned the great best stepped forward and spoke with a pleased tone.

“Almighty Kataros! We offer you this sacrifice of our eldest and wisest. All the crimeans are dead. The war is over!”

To the surprise of Sarrah, the Rancor spoke in basic. She almost feinted at hearing it.

“You have please me well, servants of the dark side. Now the planet of Ryloth will finally know what it truly means to be evil, and the power of the dark side!”

The sith all gave a loud cheer. Then once again, they began to chant. Kataros now approached the man who seem to have no will, nor means to fight. It seemed almost evident it was the end for the man lying on the ground…

“No! Grandfather! You cant die..!”

A man with a lightsaber jumped in through a window, shattering the glass. He landed in between Kataros and the old sith.

“You will not harm him, do you hear me!?”

Kataros laughed and then roared.

“You do not scare me. Now move, I grow hungry.”

The man planted his feet firmly to the ground, and rolled his shoulders back to appear stiff.

“I will not move.”

“If that is your decision, then I will crush you.”

“You will try…”

At that Kataros charged at the man. He removed his hood and activated a silver lightsaber. It was at that moment Sarrah realized who he was.

“Father!”

She cupped her mouth. Sarrah had blown her cover…

Her father then turned around.

“Sarrah?”

But before he could turn around Kataros hit him square in the back with a powerful tail sending him flying across the room.

“Father!”
She yelled yearning to help him.

“Stay there, Sarrah.”

He got up as though the blow had never been made. He quickly threw his lightsaber in Kataros’ direction slicing him across the gut.

“No, son! You’ll never defeat him alone.”

“Father stay out of this!”

“Calm down Anoon, I still have some fight in me.”

The Sarrah looked to see the old man getting up from the ground. Grandfather? She said releasing who the old man was.

At that moment Kataros roared in disapproval.

“Fine! I will destroy the both of you.”

Sarrahs grandfather and Anoon looked at each other. The gaze in their eyes looked as though they had planned for that moment many years ago.

Karatos lifted his mighty hands in the air and brought them down horizontally sending a invisible force wave toward Anoon and his father. The quickly returned a blow, but it wasn’t enough… They needed help, just a little help, and they would be victorious!

“It’s no use son… He is just to strong. Grab Sarrah and run, run far away from here. I regret ever joining the dark side…”

“No father I will not leave your side. Even if it means death.”

Sarrah watched in horror as her father and grandfather were about to be sent into the next galaxy. What can I do? She thought. Her mind when blank…

But then, Sarrah suddenly knew what to do. She quickly somersaulted from her hiding place and ran to her kin. She lifted her arms and closed her eyes. The force over took her.

Karatos felt his grip slipping. He slowly slid backward carving deep holes in the ground. He moved faster and faster.

Karatos lost control and slammed into the wall. The rocks came crashing down onto him. And he let out one final roar…

All three siblings stood shaken to the core. There mouths wide open in awe, at what had just happened.

The remaining sith and servants fled the building quickly. It was silent once again. Then, Sarrahs grandfather began to laugh and fail to the ground.

“It’s funny, you know, how it all played out.”

“What is funny about it? We almost died…”

“Yes, that is true. But the member of the clan, and even Karatos himself didn’t know that the man I killed wasn’t that last of the crimeans.”

“I don’t understand… Where is the survivor then?”

Anoon and his father looked down at Sarrah and smiled.

“It is you, Sarrah.” They said in unison.

“Me? If it’s me why didn’t you tell me.”

“We didn’t feel it necessary, and we both knew that your grandfather was in a clan that killed crimeans.”

“One question though… If neither of you are crimean, then how am I?”

They smiled again. It was funny how things unfolded so easily.

“Your mother, was Crimean.”

“My mother?! Well, that would explain it, since I never actually knew her. And while we are on that subject, what happened to her anyway?”

The smiles left there faces.

“You are the last of the crimeans, Sarrah.”

“Oh… Please, grandfather, tell me you aren’t the one who killed her?”

“No my dear, I did not. It was the others who fled who killed your mother.”

A long silence followed there dim conversation. Sarrah could hardly believe what she had just been told. From her understanding, her family’s history was brief. Her grandfather had been exiled from the Jedi order for falling in love and giving birth to her dad, who was then excepted only to suffer the same fate. Her grandmother and mother had supposedly both died in giving birth. Her grandfather then disappeared, nowhere to be found.

Her father swore to teach her the ways of the Jedi, but she never thought she’d actually have to use it.

“I see,” She broke the silence. “now…. But I do wish that you’d told me before all of this.”

Her grandfather looked her in the eyes. She could tell he was very serious.

“I wish I could have, but it just wasn’t possible… Ugh!.”

He fell to the ground, gasping for breath.

“Grandfather!”

“Dad!”

“It’s ok… My desires in life have been fulfilled. It is my time.”

A tear began to run down Anoon’s red cheek. He had lost his mother, his wife, and he was now losing his father. All he had left was Sarrah. He grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly in his own.

“Thank you so much… For everything.”

They both wept until they could no more. And suddenly, he drifted away, never to return to the life which he knew and loved…

The End.
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Weird as crap, I know.

CommanderQ
02-24-2009, 02:03 AM
Very good job, Fish! You should not punish yourself and say it's weird, it was pretty dang awesome in my opinion. Good work, once again, Fish. It's got my vote!:D

igyman
02-24-2009, 04:40 PM
I liked the cultist atmosphere and the general idea was definitely original (no, I don't mind the talking rancor), however, it definitely needs to be polished (there were a bunch of spelling/grammar mistakes). It would have been interesting too, if you could have thought of some explanation for why that particular rancor was so different from its mindless kin.

Bee Hoon
02-25-2009, 01:34 AM
What's neimatodes and crimeans? :p Sorry, my EU knowledge is virtually zilch. There's a few mistakes, e.g. mite and site instead of might and sight, best instead of beast, releasing instead of realising, when instead of went, excepted instead of accepted, etc. The pattern here appears to be that you type another word that sounds similar (homophone? Something like that, iirc)--easily fixed by proofreading:)

“No! Grandfather! You cant die..!”Who says this? Sarrah or her father? At this point, Sarrah does not seemed to have realised that it's her grandfather, and it would be odd for her father to refer to her grandfather as "grandfather".

What were the Sith and servants doing during the brief skirmish?

All three siblings stood shaken to the core.sib·ling (sblng)
n.
One of two or more individuals having one or both parents in common; a brother or sister.

Her grandfather had been exiled from the Jedi order for falling in love and giving birth to her dadThis is misleading ;D

All in all, interesting, but could have used proofreading and more context. I would have liked to see why Sarrah's grandfather fell to the Dark Side, as well as know more about Karatos, and why the Sith were incompetent enough that a green, relatively untrained girl like Sarrah could follow them back to their hideout. Not to mention why they suddenly decided to sacrifice their oldest and wisest!

Of course, I'm just anal and overly fond of lengthy explanations;D

Good effort, but reread and polish, especially in terms of grammar and plot.

LordOfTheFish
02-25-2009, 10:55 AM
Thanks guys. I probably should have proofread it, but I finished writing around midnight. I really wanted to sleep.

machievelli
02-26-2009, 01:48 PM
read