View Full Version : [Fic] [Possible Spoilers] The End of an Era

02-27-2009, 03:49 PM
It was dark outside, It was beautiful at night. Not much to see during the day though, this being Tattooine and all. I got up and stroked my head, "How long have I been asleep?" I asked myself. I shook it off, walked to the moisture vaporators, and started collecting some of the water. I walked the jug I had filled back to my hut. It was small, but it was home. I sat down and opened the jug, splashing some of the water onto my face. I took the rest down to the garden in the meteor hole near my hut, It seemed like so long ago that the meteor had hit. My thoughts were distant, as I started to drip some of the water from the jug onto my pants. "Aw great," I shouted in anger, "Those were my last pair." Yeah I was dirt poor, not a credit to my name. The farming buisness sucked nowadays with Czerka owning everything. I don't even live near Anchorhead and I despise those guys. Who am I? I'm Jhedyn Shea, I was the greatest warrior of my Mandalorian clan. It was a small clan so not many people know about it, but we were the best of them, we're the ones Mandalore called in whenever his prissy other clans like Ordo couldn't handle the job. We always got the job done. I look up at the two suns every day wondering how I fell so low. I heard that Canderous, one of the members of Ordo, got a worse gig on Taris. That made me smile a little, me and my cousin Jagi always hated that guy. Ah well I guess I shouldn't complain, I have a home, and a garden... Bah, I sound like an old man. I need to try earning some credits hunting so I can get off this rock and find adventure. Someday I will... someday soon...

03-05-2009, 02:44 PM

Bee Hoon
03-06-2009, 02:18 AM
Hmm, some mistakes here and there (inappropriate capitalization, punctuation, etc). It's spelled Tatooine, btw ;) Since Tatooine is a desert planet, I think he should be more careful with the water that he does have. Jhedyn sounds pretty washed out! So what is this Mandalorian (who seems to be past his prime) going to do? I like the tone of the writing--it's good first person perspective. Can't really say much besides that as it's too short, but looks promising! Do reread and polish to catch errors, and let's see where you take this!

03-18-2009, 11:46 PM
((Srry about chap delays, I'm having comp issues and some other problems. Chap 2 should be up before 2 long.))