View Full Version : [Fic] A Fathers Love

Kado Sunrider
03-08-2009, 04:03 PM
My contribution to ToJC for the month of March '09. Enjoy!

A Fathers Love

Peace is a lie...

The shrieking laughter of his master echoed through the chamber as his hands sent millions of watts of energy coursing into his sons convulsing body.

There is only passion...

His master had paused, asking questioningly if the boy had had enough. Pain at his sons torment welled up inside the armored body that he no longer knew he had.

There is no emotion...

His robotic arms lifted his master bodily into the air. Terrible pain swept through him as the electric currents were redirected onto his face.

Through passion, I gain strength...

The power of the love for his son gave him the last inkling of strength needed to hurl his Master into the power core.

There is no passion, there is serenity...

He collapsed onto the railing, his vision was playing tricks on him. One moment he saw the loving look on his sons face, the next Padme's face the day of their wedding.

There is no chaos, there is harmony...

He was being dragged through the shaking and convulsing passages of the Death Star. None of the personnel even stopped to question the young man who was dragging their fallen leader towards the hangar.

Through victory, my chains are broken...

He was talking to me, saying he would save me. I told him he already had. I had but one last thing to say to him. He removed the helmet, and I knew, I had precious minutes to live.

"Tell Leia... I love her... Tell her.."

There is no death, there is the Force...

He was pleading for me to stay, to survive, but my mission was done, my prophecy fulfilled. My duty done. I had restored balance.

The Force shall free me...

Kado Sunrider
03-23-2009, 10:31 PM
tooting my own horn here since no one else feels like commenting...

03-23-2009, 10:40 PM
I do like your story kado, it gives a unique perspective to the events of the last moments of Darth Vaders life. hope to keep reading more stories from you mate.

Kado Sunrider
03-25-2009, 12:20 AM
thanks for the comment Ky. :)

03-25-2009, 12:37 AM
I quite liked it, Kado. It was poignant, introspective and heartfelt. It definitely captured the bittersweet farewell between Luke and his father well.

The only thing I would change about it is the perspective. About halfway you switch from third person to first person. I think if you kept it purely in first person it would be better. :)

Kado Sunrider
03-25-2009, 10:41 PM
I see what you're talking about. The second to last section there I started to use I instead of he. I guess it just seemed odd putting he instead of I...

Perhaps when I get me edit abilities back I'll change it. :)

Did you like how I refrained from mentioning WHO the story is about until the very end, when it becomes obvious? In the beginning, it could be about anyone not just about Darth Vader and Luke. ;)

I enjoyed writing it very much, and I'm glad you liked it, even though it was a tad short. :)

Bee Hoon
03-26-2009, 12:48 AM
Kado, tooting of horns is generally frowned upon, but I'll let you off with a warning. People will comment when they have time. Be patient! :P

The fic was rather short, but pretty emotional. I thought this sentence was a little off:
None of the personnel even stopped to question the young man who was dragging their fallen leader towards the hangar.
But otherwise, no major things. Do polish, and try to expand, as this seems more like a blurb or prologue.

03-26-2009, 05:31 PM

03-28-2009, 07:00 PM
Definitely an interesting take on Vader's last moments. Short, yes, but also good.

Kado Sunrider
03-29-2009, 01:59 PM
thanks igy.

My intention with the parts of the Jedi/Sith code was to show indecision. If you go back and read it, you'll see that it goes progressively from dark to light, then back and forth, and finally back to the light.

03-30-2009, 06:40 PM
I completely forgot to tell you how much I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED this story! As mach said, you wrote just as much as you needed to, and no more. You conveyed volumes in what takes wordier authors pages upon (hundreds of) pages to write! Congratulations!

P.S. I was glad you beat me to the punch on writing a story about Luke and Vader...:)

03-31-2009, 08:04 PM
As having just read this, wow... Nice job... :)

Kado Sunrider
04-02-2009, 10:19 PM
thanks for the comments everyone.

I actually had to go back and watch the movie again to get the spoken lines correct, so I actually spent a good 2+ hours in research for this short. xD

Thanks Tys, I agree that it was rather short, but that was the point. Vader's last moments did not take up a 100+ pages, it was quick, brisk and to the point, which was how I intended it to be.

This isn't my first short about anakin skywalkers last moments, btw. I wrote a short a while back in the CEC about what happened directly AFTER he became one with the force. :)