View Full Version : [Fic] The One in Many
03-25-2009, 07:41 AM
(Lets see what you all think of this one, lol.)
The noise of glass hitting each other and the rustle of people passing each other in the Alderaan Cantina was nothing new to Coris. The sounds of people talking and laughing eventually faded to the back of his mind leaving them all eventually silent to him. Coris sat alone in the cantina gliding his fingers across the cold glass full of Alderaanian ale that was in front of him. He sat here often reflecting upon his past, upon what he use to be. A small smile loomed upon his face as he remembered that he was part of an order that use to be called the defenders of truth and justice.
That title alone carried a heavy burden more then he believed any from his order ever truly understood. He grasped his drink in his hand taking note as his hand cooled down from the cup he held so firmly. Slowly he brought it up to his lips and pressed it there for several minutes as he looked over the other patrons of the cantina. Without taking a sip he placed the glass back down upon the table, paid his tab and walked out of the cantina into the ending day.
As he walked out of the Cantina Coris pulled his hood up placing it over his head concealing some of his face. He could feel the hood pressing his hair closer to his skin. Feel it as it slides against the back of his neck, moving back and forth against his skin. He enjoyed walking along Alderaan, he found this planet to be the most peaceful out of all the planets in the known universe. He expected to find little trouble here, and he preferred that way since now like the rest of the people in his order were left to hide in the shadows and wait to return once again.
Life wasn’t bad for Coris since he was good with repairs of ships and other various means of transportation. Once he showed his skills to a local garage owner it wasn’t long before he had a job as a mechanic. And it was a life he enjoyed, not having to go out and risk his very existence for the sake of the galaxy. Though through the force he could sense the ongoing war that was fought in secrete. Could sense as another of his Jedi friends were hunted down and killed by an unknown force.
“The dark side is clouding the force more than before it seems.” He whispered to himself as he walked to his apartment. His ability to sense things through the force was becoming more difficult. At times it seemed like something or someone was intentionally blocking his sight.
Coris climbed up two flights of stairs and down a long hallway to reach his door. After living here for months he developed a habit of counting the number of stairs he’d climb and how many steps it take him to reach his door each day. The number of stairs never changed, but depending on whether he was tired or not effected how long it took him to reach his door. He stood there scanning the room, sensing no danger he entered and listened as the door closed behind him. Taking off his hooded cloak and hanging it up against the wall he walked over to his bedroom and sat upon the floor.
It has been some time since he last meditated upon the situation that was placed before him. Maybe he had grown accustomed to living a normal life, but he felt like his soul could use some cleansing in some way. As he sat there meditating he could feel the struggle of the galaxy trying to keep itself flourishing while so many of its children were drying or being destroyed. There have been times where Coris could swear he could hear the galaxy weeping for what it had lost. The planets that had been destroyed, the lives that had been taken too soon. The entire galaxy could feel it and it was weeping again at the pain that was coursing through it too often.
Coris could feel his heart become heavy it weighed inside his chest like a thousand tons wanting to drop into an endless fall hoping to never feel the pain of the galaxy again. But he only sighed and stood up he couldn’t stop the galaxy from hurting as much as he could stop the endless slaughter that occurred daily. This was a time of war, it may not have been a war the Republic was fighting but it was a war someone was fighting somewhere. Walking through his bedroom into his living room and onto his balcony he leaned against the rail.
He watched as the distant sun lower slowly behind the mountains setting the horizon on fire. This sight was truly magnificent to him, it was almost enough to fill him with a new sense of life and purpose even if it would only be for a short moment in time. Coris sighed as he stood straight up and glided his finger tips along the smooth railing continuing to watch the sun lower itself into the distance.
“I suppose our two orders are like the sun and the moon. When one of us lowers ourselves into hiding the other rises and takes its place. But only one can truly shine brighter. One has its day, and the other has its nights.” Coris said out loud as he turned around to face a Sith assassin. “And right now it is night. But day will eventually return.”
Coris found it interesting that this Sith didn’t attack him while his back was turned making him vulnerable. He had a feeling he was being followed for a long time, being stalked and analyzed. But he couldn’t figure out by whom and for what reason. Carefully he took a couple steps forward towards the Sith assassin stretching out his hands hoping to reach some sort of reasonable part of the individual underneath the mask. His heart raced inside his chest, it raced with fear and anticipation for the unseen moments up ahead. Even though he wasn’t completely defenseless he knew the odds of the Sith having some kind of force resistance were big.
The Sith assassin placed his hands upon his head peeling away his goggles and skin tight mask. To Coris surprise his would be assassin turned out to be a boy who seemed lost and confused. His green eyes seemed to reflect something deep inside him that was fueling him and also causing him pain. Coris and the Sith boy stood there in silence for several moments, neither one making a move towards the other, not even making the slightest noise. Coris took the time to look over the boy, to study him more in hopes of understanding.
The boy was just starting to develop some of his adult looks, but he still looked too young to be a capable Sith assassin. His blond hair cut short to his scalp, his nose small and a little wide, his lips pursed a little but looked like they were retracting as he grew. The only kind of emotions Coris could find from the boy were in his eyes, they were showing him the pain the boy was trying so hard to hide and forget about. What happened to this boy? Coris wondered, what had he gone through?
03-25-2009, 08:59 PM
I liked it. It is a great setting for what seems tio be a well written story. It flowed well, and that IMO, is the most important thing in a story (apart from spelling and grammer and what not :xp: )
One suggestion however.
Where you have Coris leaning against the rail.
In the 8th paragraph, last line. I suggest you leave that out and keep it just as the first sentence for the 9th paragraph.
This is what I mean:
Coris could feel his heart become heavy it weighed inside his chest like a thousand tons wanting to drop into an endless fall hoping to never feel the pain of the galaxy again. But he only sighed and stood up he couldn’t stop the galaxy from hurting as much as he could stop the endless slaughter that occurred daily. This was a time of war, it may not have been a war the Republic was fighting but it was a war someone was fighting somewhere. Walking through his bedroom into his living room and onto his balcony he leaned against the rail and watched the distant sun set.Take away these words as you have them in the next sentence)
(:D =>)[b]He watched as the distant sun lowered slowly behind the mountains[b] setting the horizon on fire. This sight was truly magnificent to him, it was almost enough to fill him with a new sense of life and purpose even if it would only be for a short moment in time. Coris sighed as he stood straight up and glided his finger tips along the smooth railing continuing to watch the sun lower itself into the distant horizon.
It just makes it more cumbersome than what it needs to be I think. But thats just me; I could be wrong :)
But anyways. That was all I noticed.
It was a great start and I'm looking forward to more of it.
03-25-2009, 10:36 PM
alright corrections have been made. Alterations have occurred. lol.
03-25-2009, 10:37 PM
Very good Ky!
I particularly liked the comparison of the Sith and Jedi being the sun and the moon. Very true, and a very good metaphor. Nice work!
03-26-2009, 09:40 AM
(Update time :thmbup1: )
The boy opened his mouth then quickly closed it, his hands shaking uncontrollably. His eyes started swelling with tears as he fell to his knees gripping his hair tightly as he slammed his head into the ground below. Coris stood there for a moment in shock he thought the boy and completely snapped and lost all sense of himself. Quickly Coris knelt upon the ground placing his hands on the boys shoulders to get him to stop the self abuse. The boy thrashed in Coris’ grip, moving side to side, back and forth, pounding his fists in to Coris’s chest. Unintelligible screams and mumbles came from the boys throat and mouth as he continued to try to shake free from Coris’s grip.
“Calm down boy you are in no danger here” Coris said as the boy continued the abuse upon his chest “No one will hurt you here I promise.”
The boy stopped allowing his hands to fall upon his knees keeping his gaze towards the ground below him. Coris could feel the agony this boy was carrying inside him, all the pain and torment the boy suffered at the hands of some cruel master. Coris let his hands fall from the boy as he did the boy fell forward into his chest. Coris knew that the boy had passed out due to the mental strain he had put himself under. He picked the boy up and carried him to his room, placed him upon the bed throwing the sheets over him and walked out of the room.
Once in the living room Coris allowed his body to drop like a thousand pounds down upon the couch below him. He wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened but he could sense one thing for certain the boy was force sensitive. The only problem was the boy was already tainted by the Sith. Coris laughed a little knowing that if he had brought the boy in front of the council if things were different they would refuse the boy just by the fact of his age. But perhaps this boy could just be a savior the galaxy or at least the Jedi order was looking for.
“I wonder if you’re the sun boy eclipsed by the moon. I wonder if you’re fighting to free yourself of the moons shadow.” Coris said to himself as he leaned his head back sighing and closing his eyes.
He knew the order wasn’t completely dead as long as followers of the code still stood, still existed in this life. But how many were left? How many would join up to fight the unseen threat that has been stalking them? Coris didn’t know the answer to the questions. He wondered if the situation had been different could he honestly say he would help, or had he become too accustomed to his simple life? The situation however wasn’t different it was place before him, and for a reason. Coris’s mind started to feel heavy, it felt as if it was drifting into the farthest reaches of space. Slowly sleep consumed his mind leaving him unconscious for the rest of the night.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
He ran with such speed he thought he could out run any Kath hound that was upon Dantooine. He couldn’t however run from the shadow that was chasing him engulfing the world behind him in its pursuit of him. His eyes, his mind and body became stricken with fear, but this fear fueled his desire to run faster to not be consumed by the darkness. His legs were moving so fast that his feet couldn’t keep up making him trip over himself. It seemed to take an eternity for him to hit the ground as time seemed to slow down with every inch closer to the ground.
He laid there upon the ground trying desperately to push himself with his feet and elbows away from the shadow coming closer to him. All of a sudden the shadow stopped and a figured walked out of it coming closer to him with quick long strides. The figure was dressed completely black, shadow running off it hiding any distinctive feature he could use to identify his assailant.
“Why do you run Ian? I am your Master I will always find you.” The shadow figure said sounding as if it had a thousand voices at once. It raised its hand and clenching its fist closed as it spoke.
The figure reached out its hand towards Ian reaching for the collar of his shirt. Frantically he threw himself over onto his stomach trying to get to his feet. He felt something grab the back of his shirt and pull him to his feet. Fear taking over he screamed out and started thrashing about. With every attempt he made to get free was just another failure. As he looked over his own shoulder he saw that he was being dragged towards the consuming darkness that was chasing him. Ian dug his feet into the ground trying to push away from the darkness, but as he was dragged more into the world consuming darkness he screamed in utter futility.
He woke up sitting on a bed in a room unfamiliar to him. His breath heavy and laborious, fear consuming his mind and heart the fear felt paralyzing like it was striping away any strength he had. Was this where the darkness had brought him? Is he with the shadow figure now? He didn’t want answers to those questions he just didn’t want to have another dream like that again. Ian looked down upon his hands with a sudden realization consuming his mind.
Who am I?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Coris raced up to his feet, panic streaming through his veins. Who was screaming? The more he thought about it, the noise didn’t really sound like screaming but something else. Quickly Coris ran to the bed room to check on the boy. When he arrived he saw the boy pressed tightly against the wall. His eyes engulfed with fear, his breathing in a panic struggle to calm itself. Coris didn’t know what frightened the boy but whatever had happened he knew the boy needed to calm down.
The boy made a grunting noise has he slammed his fists into the wall and thrust his body slightly towards Coris then retracted it, pressing his back against the wall again. Coris wasn’t sure what he should exactly make of the boy but it seemed that he was calming himself down. It was a good sign at least the boy had some control over himself. The boy still stood there however unwilling to believe that Coris meant him no arm. There was a slight pull on his heart, like everything inside him was telling him that he needed to help this boy, show him that not everything is out in the galaxy is made of evil and pain.
03-26-2009, 06:23 PM
03-26-2009, 11:10 PM
04-03-2009, 09:05 AM
Keep it comin'!
This story has GREAT potential and I can't wait to see how it progresses :D
04-06-2009, 07:48 PM
I have to admit that I was a little concerned about the whole shadow engulfing world thing. Wasn't sure how people would take it, but I'm glade to see that you like the story so far.
04-13-2009, 08:22 AM
(Update. Hope you all enjoy.)
“I’m Coris Draze. What’s your name?” Coris said as he slowly raised his hands and placed them upon his chest. He wasn’t sure what to make of the boys earlier grunt but he hoped the boy was able of some kind of communication or at least understanding it.
Coris stood there waiting for a response from the boy, some kind of name, or a way to identify him. All Coris got was a simple shrug of the boys shoulders. That didn’t give Coris anything to work with. He understood that but he wasn’t positive on why the boy would use it. Did the boy simply not know his own name, or was he playing some kind of strange joke on Coris wondered. There was something different about this boy, but Coris couldn’t place a finger on it, couldn’t quite grasp what it could be.
The boy slowly loosened the grip upon the wall and moved to the side of the bed cautiously and sat down. Coris watched as the boy laid his face in the palm of his hands and let loose what sounded like a heavy sigh. The boy seemed to be frustrated by something, or was being burdened by something, all of which Coris wished to help the boy with.
“I’m going to sit next to you, alright?” Coris said as he moved one foot towards the boy smiling at him.
The boy nodded keeping his face firmly attached to the palm of his hands. Coris moved closer to the boy taking a seat next to him upon the bed. They both sat in silence, Coris not really knowing what he should say, and the boy refusing to take his hands away from his face. So many thoughts raced through Coris’s mind about the boy. He wondered what could be preventing the boy from speaking to him. Then something came to Coris maybe those grunts was the boys attempt at communication, it just didn’t come how as anything he understood. When he was part of the Jedi order he had heard cases of individuals being born without the ability to speak. Was this boy really one of them?
“Do you have a name?” Coris asked as he turned his head towards the boy and folded his hands together upon his lap.
The boy shrugged lifting his face away from his hands. The boy looked straight ahead at the wall in front of him, gripping his knees tightly. If the boy doesn’t know his own name, Coris though then maybe we should come up with one. Again they sat there in an unpleasant silence. The boy shifted as if feeling uncomfortable for sitting to long. Coris sat there motionless with his eyes closed as if his mind was wandering somewhere else far away.
“How about Seth? For your name I mean” Coris finally said breaking the silence.
The boy sat there for several moments looking at Coris strangely. Coris could tell that the boy was slightly surprised that he was trying to be helpful. He managed to muffle a laugh in the back of his throat as the boy shook his head falling onto his back laying on the bed. Rubbing the back of his head he continued to think for a good proper name for the boy. It was getting rather annoying to Coris having to refer to his house guest as boy, or kid when all he simply needed was something to be called by.
“Vhiran?” Coris said questionably having a feeling the boy would not like that name either.
The boy shook his head quickly with displacement and shot a sharp look at Coris. The look told Coris that he should use his old brain to think of something better. Coris couldn’t help but laugh loudly this time as the situation.
“You know for someone who doesn’t know their own name you’re awfully picking on what name you want.” Coris said to the boy as his laughing settled. The boy grunted again reaching a hand for a nearby pillow and hit Coris on the head with it. Laughing Coris raised his hands in surrender to the assault by the pillow. He watched as the boys chest rose and quickly fell, in his mind Coris thought he could almost hear the boy sigh.
“Will Eric work?” he asked the boy.
Again the boy shot Coris a disapproving look. All Coris did was sigh and roll his eyes. Never before had he encountered something so difficult. Shouldn’t naming things be easy? Granted how many times has some one come across something that could argue back about their name besides difficult droids but even then it was easy to fix. Slowly Coris tapped his index finger on his knee thinking. He wasn’t known to be a creative person that’s why he avoided ever owning anything, but now he as a boy who looks to be about late fifteen, early sixteen and without the ability to talk. Coris sat there with the boy in silence.
04-17-2009, 08:32 AM
Hey all. I'm here to make a short notes.
First off I hope you enjoyed Chapter One of The One in Many. If you have any more constructive comments I look forward to reading them, Or just comments in General.
Secondly I hope you will stay tuned for Chapter Two.
Ohh also before I forget. Apparently I didn't realize that the last paragraph of the chapter wasn't copied. So I added that to my last post. ^-^
06-23-2009, 02:51 PM
((Anyone wait long for something so short xD, lol. Anyways hope you all like it now that its back in action.))
Six years?, Coris wondered, Has it really been six years? But as he looked over at the boy that was now a man he knew it was true. It has been six years since the boy has entered his home, and his life. They both learned much from each other over that time. Coris had to learn a way to communicate with the boy to teach him how to use some of the force power he held within him. Then the boy learned how to speak his thoughts directly into Coris’s mind. This made living together easier, but the boy couldn’t use his power out in public unless they wanted to be found by any assassins that might still be lurking around after this time.
Coris held doubt in his mind that any Sith assassins might still be lurking around with the news he heard. Some Jedi were starting to gather again on Coruscant to rebuild the Jedi Temple there. From what he understood of the rumor the people reestablishing the order are those who were trained under the Jedi Exile. It was an interesting turn of events, the person the Jedi cast out a long time ago returned to save them. Though he sensed that the cost was great as more masters were lost.
“It’s burning” he heard echo through his mind.
“Huh? What?” Coris said coming back to the here and now.
“The food, it’s burning” the voice said still echoing.
Coris looked down at the pan he was holding over a flame. Though now the contents of the food was up in erratic flames. The fire craved something more to devour and destroy. Quickly in a panic Coris grabbed the nearby lid and placed it over the top of the pan he was using to cook breakfast with. He sighed while looking at the pan, how many meals had he burned so far. Not wanting to figure out how many the total was he turned to the boy who was sitting at the table working on a blaster pistol. He grinned slightly noticing that the boy had become very good at dismantling and rebuilding blaster pistols and even engines to various vehicles.
“Should have had me cook. You know I’m better at it.” The boy said.
“Yeah, well you know me practice, practice, practice.” He said jokingly.
The boy just sat there tightening the final screw to the blaster before it was finished. They both had come a very long way in six years. Though Coris wasn’t as young as he once was. He had noticed that time was being unusually unkind to him as looked at himself in the mirror in the morning noticing more gray hair then there was before. Some wrinkles had formed near the outside edge of his eyes, they were most noticeable when he decided to squint to look at something.
“Didn’t you tell me it’s an honor to grow older?” The boy said to Coris noticing that Coris was gliding his fingers slowly down his face examining the creases time had given to him.
“Yes… well… I never said you had to like it.” Coris responded with a sly smile upon his face. “Also remind me when we go out today to pick up a new pan.” Coris said as he picked up the pan with the burnt in food and placed it back down.
The boy simply smiled and nodded his head as he picked up the newly built blaster pistol and examined it. Watching the boy, Coris couldn’t help but smile as the boy examined his handy work with joy and excitement. The boy had definitely grown more back bone over the years, but he didn’t lose his kind heart which is one feature Coris always hoped he wouldn’t lose. Coris chuckled slightly to himself as recalled the times he thought the boy put him into more danger then the Jedi Counsel ever had. In a way Coris figured he was mostly his fault one of his lessons was keep peace by helping those who are not able to.
“We are going to be late” the boys voice echoed through his mind once again. Sometimes Coris regretted teaching him that trick. There were times the boy was so blunt it was almost refreshing to Coris.
“Well then why are we just standing around, let’s get a move on.” Coris said as he started walking towards the door.
Seemed these days however and each step Coris made reminded him of how time had truly effected him. Every joint seemed to pop at once or be too stiff to even move. At this he couldn’t’ help but laugh considering he wasn’t entirely that old, but he wasn’t as active as he use to be. At some point he was going to have to go take a vacation, possibly take the boy with him and just work out all the kinks and quirks his body had developed over the years. And possibly teach the boy something new about fighting and combat styles.
01-22-2010, 11:30 AM
((Update to chapter two. Only took forever. But since I found my stick I should be able to work on it again.))
Running his callus hands up his back as he leaned backwards as they walked thoughts ran through Coris’s mind. Would teaching the boy honestly be the best idea? Sure everyone needed to know how to fight, especially when times always seemed to take the most turbulent course. But the boy was trained to be a Sith Assassin, so what could Coris possibly teach him that the boy didn’t already have an understanding over. As his back bent further he could feel several pops travel down his spine making his back more relaxed and comfortable. And if anything Coris was most certain that the boy new out to handle that blaster he builds several times over a day well too.
As they walked the streets Coris noticed they seemed to be particularly busy today, more so than usual. Coris allowed his eyes to scan over the crowd trying to see if he could get a glimpse of any possible sales that were going on in this district that happened to be a must buy. But nothing that seemed all to interesting popped out and grabbed his attention claiming that it should be purchased now, waste your credits in buying me. With a slight sigh Coris shook his head and then to his surprise saw the boy up ahead leaning his back against the wall of the repair shop they owned. They repaired anything from weapons to vehicles themselves. Well in all technicalities the boy did the repairs, Coris just simply convinced the patrons to trust in his work.
“How did you get here so quickly?” Coris asked in slight confusion.
The boy however remained silent only tilting his head for the door to be unlocked so they could go inside and speak where there were less people around. After unlocking the metal door it slide open with a slight grinding noise that made you cringe at the very sound. Once they both were inside the dark room of their shop the door started to slide close and stopped half way. Coris growled in the back of his throat as the stupid mechanical failure. But to no real surprise to him, the boy already had his tools and was now sitting on the ground fixing the door. Coris didn’t understand mechanics all that well, and certainly didn’t understand some of the things that ran through that boys mind, but something’s in life were better left a mystery.
Today wasn’t a busy day to say the least. After the boy had fixed the door the most they’ve seen of anything else were a couple droid malfunctions. Which when watching the boy repair them seemed to make the problem look like child’s play. Leaning back in his chair, his hands behind his head and feet upon the desk in front of him Coris simply waited. It as the waiting Coris most despised, if he could have a steady stream of customers then he would be perfectly content, but the boy fixed things so well it took a long time before anything would break on them again. In all the silence that surrounded Coris as the moment it was easy to hear the door slide open, and shut without the noise that could drive one insane. The presence that entered the room he recognized without even opening his eyes, the soft voice that followed afterwards only confirmed what he knew.
“Is Devin here today?” the girl asked with a hint of nervousness in her voice.
“Why hello to you too Sasha” Coris said jokingly to her “Yes, yes. He’s in the back room as always.”
“Thank you Mr. Kavos” Sasha said as she started walking towards the back room.
“Coris… it’s Coris… Co-r-is.” He said to her trying to get her to stop with formalities. With a slight sigh Coris finished says “Children these days, too much respect for my tastes.”
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