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View Full Version : A Real American Hero? *spoilerz* if you care...


Darth Groovy
05-31-2009, 01:12 PM
I hate to judge a movie by it's images but jeezum crow, this is cobra commander?!

http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/gi-joe-movie-exclusive-cobra-commander-images-8138.jpg

The more I hear and see about this movie, the more it makes my skin crawl. It looks even worse than Daredevil...

Check out these images: http://nerdiest-kids.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/gijoe.jpg

I HATE sounding like the stereotypical fan boy, but I feel the powerful need to destroy this film and all remnants of it's creation before it hits theaters this summer.

So far this movie makes Van Helsing look like Ben - Hur! :(

Jae Onasi
05-31-2009, 02:16 PM
That thing is Ugly with a capital "Ugh".

RoxStar
05-31-2009, 02:38 PM
No amount of Dennis Quaid can save this movie.

BongoBob
05-31-2009, 08:29 PM
COOOOOOOOOOBRA!

CommanderQ
05-31-2009, 08:49 PM
G.I. Joe used to be a classic...now it is dead. Of that, we can be sure...also, the Trailer made the soldiers look like they came from Crysis. They will inevitably be sued. After of course being a box office flop. Ughhhhh.

Darth Groovy
06-07-2009, 12:40 AM
What is so hard about replicating this costume?

http://popprolific.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/cobra_commander-live-action.jpg

Why?

G.I. Joe always had potential of being a great movie, it's just that Stephen Sommers has not had a successful movie since The Mummy.

If you can get your hands on any of the old Marvel Comics from the 80's check it out. The characters were intense, mature, and deeply fleshed out. Also interesting was the blood relation between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow.

I smell another Punisher:War Zone here.

Hollywood needs to stop crapping all over my child hood.

Q
06-07-2009, 06:59 AM
I knew that this would end up sucking. It just had to. :(

And you're right: the comics from the 80's were damn good. They were way better than the TV show.

Black Knight of Keno
06-07-2009, 12:46 PM
Hah. I laugh at your petty American heroes gone awry. I'm still going see this thing downloaded from the internet in the theaters just because it has Darth Maul in it. :p

You probably deserve having your over-patriotic childhoods broken to pieces and fed through a wood chipper before being burned in the eternal fires of Hell. If not for anything else but because you've let Hollywood get away with crappy comic book movie adaptations for too long.

Hah!

Boba Rhett
06-07-2009, 02:29 PM
As if you can talk about embarrassing homelands, Finny.

RoxStar
06-07-2009, 03:21 PM
You probably deserve having your over-patriotic childhoods broken to pieces and fed through a wood chipper before being burned in the eternal fires of Hell.


http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/1033/emot911.gif

Black Knight of Keno
06-07-2009, 03:58 PM
Yes, yes. I know you want to be Finns, but you don't have to be so damned open about it you whiners :p


http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2008/8/1/633532195605594243-finland.jpg

Q
06-07-2009, 05:17 PM
You do not want to **** with the Finns, especially in winter.

Just ask the Soviets. :p

Pho3nix
06-07-2009, 05:54 PM
BLAH BLAH FIN FIN BLAH BLAH

acdcfanbill
06-07-2009, 07:57 PM
http://acdcfanbill.com/images/Fin1.jpg

plus Finland is the land of kickass metal :)

Pie™
06-08-2009, 08:41 AM
Finland is a bunch of crazy alcoholics, and I love 'em for it.

Kain
06-08-2009, 06:22 PM
Meh, my country's army ended a war with 2 bombs. What did Finland do...besides wasting money chroming their out-dated weaponry?

Besides - eventually Hollywood'll get one of 'em right. Just...just don't hold your breath.

CommanderQ
06-08-2009, 06:39 PM
http://acdcfanbill.com/images/Fin1.jpg

plus Finland is the land of kickass metal :)

That is the only place where Death Metal is socially acceptable......totally awesome!!!!:D



Meh, my country's army ended a war with 2 bombs. What did Finland do...besides wasting money chroming their out-dated weaponry?

Besides - eventually Hollywood'll get one of 'em right. Just...just don't hold your breath.

Well...the Finns stopped the Soviets dead in the snow during the Russian attempt to relieve Leningrad....not a very small feat, as the Soviets threw nearly everything at them....:D

Yes....Hollywood should dispose of the bad directors via Siberia....:D

Pie™
06-08-2009, 06:55 PM
That is the only place where Death Metal is socially acceptable......totally awesome!!!!:D

I beg to differ.

http://www.studionemo.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/picture-8.png

:indif:

Kurgan
06-08-2009, 07:29 PM
The truth is that COBRA is making this movie to finally defeat G.I. JOE's public reputation once and for all, but the 9th Doctor has gone and infiltrated the cast to see what can be saved...

I'm sold!

Kain
06-08-2009, 08:10 PM
Well...the Finns stopped the Soviets dead in the snow during the Russian attempt to relieve Leningrad....not a very small feat, as the Soviets threw nearly everything at them....:D

Didn't the Russians do that to the French when Napoleon tried taking Moscow? When your best national defense is the severity of your winter, the only thing stopping the enemy from crushing you is their stupidity.

Damn it, this isn't the place to debate war tactics of various nations. Can't we all just hate this horrible movie? Personally, I can't trust an action movie starring one of the Wayans any further than I could throw said Wayan.

Darth Groovy
06-09-2009, 02:58 AM
Can't we all just hate this horrible movie? Personally, I can't trust an action movie starring one of the Wayans any further than I could throw said Wayan.

QFE

It wouldn't be hard to make a live action GI Joe Movie---In the 80's where sweaty dudes and cheesy one liners were the norm.

The plot could have gone something like this. Cobra is actually a Private Military Company running **** up in the middle east. They get REALLY good at what they do. They Hire Destro to build them a weapon of mass destruction. Weapon is tested on soil close to home, and world get's terrified. General Hawk then recruits army dudes from around the world to build a counter PMC. Project G.I. Joe.

What's so damn hard about that?!! You don't need all this pseudo sci fi faggotry to sell this movie. Also if they read any of the 80's comics many of these characters had some pretty interesting back stories.

Instead we get a really bad trailer with my new favorite line ever:

"The Deep Six Accelerator Suit. What does it accelerate? You!"

I swear the first person that yells "yo Joe" in this movie, I will start coughing up blood. :S

One more thing. The whole "black costume" thing played itself out in 2003...:rolleyes: These people are soldiers, not mutant super heroes.

http://www.thejay.com/2008/04/21/gijoe-movie-costumes-batsuit/

I suppose when they show this one, they will be playing George Thorogood's "Bad To The Bone" in the back round. :rolleyes:

http://www.filmofilia.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/g_i_joe_picture.jpg

IG-64
06-09-2009, 03:48 AM
I don't know of anybody that shoots action like Michael Bay. Nobody shoots women like Michael Bay. He is shameless about it. And the world wants that. Middle America wants the shameless, exploitive, escapism film. That's what they want. They want big, bad, sexy and fast.
This statement pretty much sums up everything wrong with Hollywood.

And it's also pretty relevant to this movie.

Kain
06-09-2009, 06:01 PM
One more thing. The whole "black costume" thing played itself out in 2003...:rolleyes: These people are soldiers, not mutant super heroes

Well, Snake-Eyes has an excuse to be wearing a black suit. And yes, I know his original suit was blue, but still - he is a ninja.

Speaking of Snake-Eyes, why do I have this horrible sickening feeling that he's going to talk in this movie...talk ALOT.

DarthAve
06-09-2009, 08:14 PM
This statement pretty much sums up everything wrong with Hollywood.

And it's also pretty relevant to this movie.

When I read this quote, it reminds me of what happened to Watchmen, and by what happened, I mean coping out on character background stories for bloody fights and overdrawn sex scenes.

Movies from the now arn't as good as movies from back in the day...

Lightsaberboy
06-11-2009, 04:59 AM
Speaking of Snake-Eyes, why do I have this horrible sickening feeling that he's going to talk in this movie...talk ALOT.

i doubt it. it is Ray Park playing him after all. he hardly ever talks in his roles.

except for that one with Antonio Banderas >_>

IG-64
06-11-2009, 05:51 AM
Will this finally be a movie where he can't make that face?

http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/5167/toad2.jpghttp://img7.imageshack.us/img7/4683/35587648.jpg

Pie™
06-11-2009, 08:47 AM
Will this finally be a movie where he can't make that face?

http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/5167/toad2.jpghttp://img7.imageshack.us/img7/4683/35587648.jpg

http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv255/KhellendrosBGG/BGG/SleepyHollow/Headless_Horseman.jpg

CommanderQ
06-11-2009, 10:17 AM
Damn it, this isn't the place to debate war tactics of various nations. Can't we all just hate this horrible movie? Personally, I can't trust an action movie starring one of the Wayans any further than I could throw said Wayan.

Heh, yes, perhaps war tactics aren't the best thing to do discuss when we are trying to explain how bad this film will be. It will be bad:D

IG-64
06-11-2009, 10:21 AM
http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv255/KhellendrosBGG/BGG/SleepyHollow/Headless_Horseman.jpg
That was different, he was a stuntman. :p

I would like to see him as Chuck Norris in that Chinese show though.

I think Snake-Eyes is the only thing about this movie I'm actually interested in.

CommanderQ
06-11-2009, 10:24 AM
That was different, he was a stuntman. :p

I would like to see him as Chuck Norris in that Chinese show though.



It is impossible to emulate Chuck Norris. He must have a Greater Beard of POWAH.:D

MrWally
06-15-2009, 03:46 AM
Apparently G.I. Joe the scored the lowest test screening score ever from an audience in the history of Paramount.

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2009/06/gi_joe_looking_like_a_bomb_of.html

Kain
06-15-2009, 01:01 PM
Oh my god. Did anyone read those comments? This one is FTW:

Give me the complete line of 1988 GI Joe action figures, a fifth of Wild Turkey, and a camcorder and I'll give you a GI Joe movie worth releasing.

Hahahaha! This movie is going to be horrible. So so horrible.

acdcfanbill
06-16-2009, 01:59 AM
Apparently G.I. Joe the scored the lowest test screening score ever from an audience in the history of Paramount.

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2009/06/gi_joe_looking_like_a_bomb_of.html

which was dismissed as complete bollocks, however, i don't doubt it's friggen awful and I most likely won't watch it.

MrWally
06-16-2009, 03:55 AM
My bad, then. I probably should have checked out the credentials of that article. Still. I doubt its that far from the truth.

JesusIsGonnaOwnSatan
06-16-2009, 04:53 AM
heh, i used to love GI Joe when i was, like, 3. but i cant remember squat about whats its about. lol

acdcfanbill
06-16-2009, 11:06 AM
My bad, then. I probably should have checked out the credentials of that article. Still. I doubt its that far from the truth.

That's what that magazine has editors for :P Looks like they changed it now anyway, so I guess they figured out their folly. I saw this on digg too before the retraction so, you're not the only one :)

Darth Groovy
06-24-2009, 04:47 AM
Well, Snake-Eyes has an excuse to be wearing a black suit. And yes, I know his original suit was blue, but still - he is a ninja.

Speaking of Snake-Eyes, why do I have this horrible sickening feeling that he's going to talk in this movie...talk ALOT.

According to the G.I. Joe Marvel comics, which sadly, I have MOST of them which were printed in the 80's. Snake Eyes was involved in a horrible explosion during Vietnam which impared his ability to speak, and disfigured him horribly as well. He only agreed to join up with G.I. Joe in hopes to find his lost "brother" "Storm Shadow" who joined up with the COBRA organization and try to save him. (in the comics he saves Storm Shadow who later joins G.I. Joe). But yeah, what ever. This film could have pulled itself off in the 80's, but now...ugh...dunno...

Kain
06-24-2009, 04:20 PM
Storm Shadow looks goofy when he joins G.I. Joe. Doesn't he wear a white hoody with a black paint splash on the bottom?

Yea, I had his collector's figure. I'd make him shoot my sister's Barbie executioner style with his standard issue M-16 and then decapitate her...my parents put a stop to the ripping off Barbie's heads to simulate the decapitation. Got too expensive, methinks.

Darth Groovy
07-15-2009, 03:15 AM
This is the straw that has broken the camel's back. I now refuse to see this film based on this:

http://misterclowns.blogspot.com/2009/07/movie-cobra-commander-video-overview.html

In Marvel comics Cobra Commander was a radical who chose to keep his identity a secret. Hence the hood, and helmet with visor...etc.

At one point (in the comics) he did reveal his true presence to a boy who had been trained to assassinate him. His true image was that of an ex hippie with glasses, a pony tail and a goatee. The boy shot him, which paved the way for the creation of Serpentor. In this godless mess of a movie, Cobra Commander is now Darth Vader. WTF?!

Rogue15
07-15-2009, 04:07 AM
get over it

Kain
07-15-2009, 11:40 AM
Terrible. Just f'ing terrible. Why must Hollywood destroy my childhood one memory at a time?

BongoBob
07-15-2009, 02:09 PM
get over it

Why should he? If GI Joe was a part of my childhood, and they're taking it and skullf***ing everything about it to the point where I'm surprised they're not wearing frilly dresses, I'd be pissed too.

CommanderQ
07-15-2009, 02:40 PM
This is going to be a career killer for the actors in this film...it's just doomed...there is no way I will see this movie...I've been through enough horrible films already....