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View Full Version : Dath Maximus The Man, The Myth, The Sexor of Moms Everywhere


Dath Maximus
06-23-2009, 09:58 PM
Hello all my loyal servants, I say loyal because all of you know there is a severe punishment for any insubordination toward me by any of you, mods and admins included. As I was sitting on my throne pondering who to do tonight, I realized that a great deal of what you people know of me is simply tales of my heroic barbarism.

So I figured I'd talk about the various myths about me and also reveal some truths about me. So strap yourselves in and get ready to feel the g's!

To start off, I'm not really a Pharonic God Emperor as a few of you have deduced. While my name is Apollo and I do have a might power to belittle and scare anyone, I'm not a god. If I were a god, I wouldn't have to harass noobs, I would simply negate them from existence. I'm more of a Titan than anything.

Myth number 2, I'm not the son of Chuck Norris. He's a republican, I'm not. It's as simple as that. I'm his nephew.

Slightly exaggerated myth, I'm not exactly the true face of the internet. The internet has no face, so I'm really just the hooded figure with no face in a shadow that is the web.

Absolute truth, I am greater than any new guy/girl.

Flat out lie, I'm not half lord voldemort half chris farley. I hate Harry Potter with every fiber of my existence. So I'm more of a 1/2 t-1000 1/2 chris farley. The t-1000 part being a cold monster.

And now for some truths you people may not know about me.

I'm really a non-violent, amazingly calm, pacifist. I'm a cat person. I know how to knit and make jewelry. I know yoga and have been doing it since I was 6. I started drinking coffee at age 3. I'm disturbingly smarter than I let on, I did a science project on molecular mitosis for my 1st grade science project and read and understood stephen hawkings "a brief history of time" when i was in the 4th grade. And I can't dive into water head first.

There you have it, your Titan Emperor has spoken. Feel free to ask about any other myths you may have heard about me.

And yes...I am phreak's father.

EnderWiggin
06-23-2009, 10:08 PM
read and understood stephen hawkings "a brief history of time" when i was in the 4th grade.

Hawking writes with such technical detail that I found myself rereading paragraphs 2 or 3 times before fully comprehending them - but it was certainly worth the read.

I thought this was going to be an engagement thread :(

_EW_

Boba Rhett
06-23-2009, 10:20 PM
This mentions nothing of the multiple goat rape charges.

BongoBob
06-23-2009, 10:22 PM
Do you still work at UPS and do you wear brown short shorts?

Sigundr
06-23-2009, 11:03 PM
Do you or have you ever snorted melange?

Pie™
06-23-2009, 11:06 PM
This shtick isn't funny anymore, sorry.

Sigundr
06-23-2009, 11:09 PM
This shtick isn't funny anymore, sorry.
That was quick.

MrWally
06-23-2009, 11:11 PM
And yes...I am phreak's father.


As the Sexor of Moms Everywhere . . . can't we pretty much deduce that your damn near everyone's real father?

RoxStar
06-24-2009, 12:53 AM
What did you do to Eets?

Lynk Former
06-24-2009, 01:36 AM
Dath sexored his own mum?... that doesn't surprise me.

BongoBob
06-24-2009, 03:03 AM
He's kind of like Fry from Futurama.

Tyrion
06-24-2009, 03:34 AM
He's kind of like Fry from Futurama.

More or less, except he has a vitriolic and mercurial temperament instead of orange hair.

Darth Groovy
06-24-2009, 05:20 AM
Add these to the list of Dath Max Accolades:

The name in itself "Dath Max" was the result of a horrible drunken typo whilst joining LucasForums some many years ago. The name was supposed to be "Darth Maximus". The name taken as I gather from his love of Russel Crowe's character "Maximus" from the Gladiator movie which came out near his join date. The name stayed at "Dath Maximus for sometime, and since so many identified the beast as "Dath" the name stuck. It was later shortened to "Dath Max" via request.

Dath Max was once a proud member of the loyal order of the LFJA "LucasForums Jedi Academy" which at the time was headed by former moderator Obi-Wan13. During the influx of members during the launch of Jedi Academy, we had multiple members joining who were less than educated in the ways of proper forum behavior. LFJA was nothing less than a "big brother" program where we would take a new member under our wing, and educate them in the ways of LF. This way we could home school new members rather than just out right banning them for doing something stupid. The program was so successful, we had our own set of forums for a while. After membership died down, Obi-13 took the remaining members of LFJA and formed an online anti-clan community so we could all play Jedi Academy together online. There are pictures out there on the net, and the forums themselves still exist in the non-linked archives within this community.

Dath Max, leXX and I used to frequent an invite only online Jedi Academy server known as "Hermes's Place" run by a member known as Jah Warrior. (I still have the invite in my private messages folder as a keep sake). We used to spar off saber only duels on the Matrix Dojo map. Dath was good, I was not so good, and leXX used to clobber all of us...all the time!

Dath is a devoted Trekker. He defended Star Trek, even when Star Trek was not cool.

Dath Max is a huge fan of Dune. The 2000 Sci Fi Channel series, not 1984 David Lynch abomination. I too loved the Sci-Fi Channel remake. I have them all on DVD. His avatar is Paul Atreides, reborn as the messiah Muad'Dib. You simply need to watch the movies to understand.

During the early 2000's when LF was running on old software, and an old server, it was crashing constantly due to the influx of activity. The downtime resulted in several LF members creating an alternate set of forums to go to when LF crashed. This set of forums was known as EchoNet. Dath was an administrator there. The forums are still alive to this day! http://www.echonetwork.net/

Dath was very involved in mIRC channel chats when those used to be popular, #echonet comes to mind. Many long discussions took part there, not so much anymore.

Dath IS quite the ladies man. His ex-girlfriends send me messages and want to know what he is up too...still. Love em and leave em....that's Dath for you.

Dath sometimes sports a beard, and does bare some resemblance to Jonathan Frakes (Commander William Ryker on Star Trek The Next Generation).

Dath Max created the "Cheap Nike Shoes LOLZ" thread which at one point amused me so much, that I mentioned it on LucasCast.com as my favorite thread.

Dath likes to refer to himself in third person. "Dath likes this, Dath hates that...etc"

Dath at one point took up boxing as a hobby.

Dath legally changed his name from "Mark" to "Apollo".

Dath supposedly owned a piece of land from Scottland at one point and claimed the rank of "Lord".

Dath is a crazy character, and a good friend of Darth Groovy.

I always tell people, that Dath is like the drunken uncle at a family reunion. He might be embarrassing, but nobody has the heart to ask him to leave!

Dath Maximus
06-24-2009, 01:39 PM
This mentions nothing of the multiple goat rape charges.

The jury said there wasn't enough evidence to convict me. Always use a condom kids

Do you still work at UPS and do you wear brown short shorts?

yes, and god are they short shorts

Do you or have you ever snorted melange?

yes, just now as a matter of fact

This shtick isn't funny anymore, sorry.

and yet...i don't care ya freaky mime reject

That was quick.

just like how quick it was with his mom

As the Sexor of Moms Everywhere . . . can't we pretty much deduce that your damn near everyone's real father?

yes, my children

What did you do to Eets?

he's in a pit i have in my basement

Dath sexored his own mum?... that doesn't surprise me.

i surprise no one

He's kind of like Fry from Futurama.

more than you know

More or less, except he has a vitriolic and mercurial temperament instead of orange hair.

although i have cousins with hair like that

Add these to the list of Dath Max Accolades:

The name in itself "Dath Max" was the result of a horrible drunken typo whilst joining LucasForums some many years ago. The name was supposed to be "Darth Maximus". The name taken as I gather from his love of Russel Crowe's character "Maximus" from the Gladiator movie which came out near his join date. The name stayed at "Dath Maximus for sometime, and since so many identified the beast as "Dath" the name stuck. It was later shortened to "Dath Max" via request.


Dath is a devoted Trekker. He defended Star Trek, even when Star Trek was not cool.


During the early 2000's when LF was running on old software, and an old server, it was crashing constantly due to the influx of activity. The downtime resulted in several LF members creating an alternate set of forums to go to when LF crashed. This set of forums was known as EchoNet. Dath was an administrator there. The forums are still alive to this day! http://www.echonetwork.net/



Dath IS quite the ladies man. His ex-girlfriends send me messages and want to know what he is up too...still. Love em and leave em....that's Dath for you.

Dath sometimes sports a beard, and does bare some resemblance to Jonathan Frakes (Commander William Ryker on Star Trek The Next Generation).

Dath likes to refer to himself in third person. "Dath likes this, Dath hates that...etc"

Dath at one point took up boxing as a hobby.

Dath legally changed his name from "Mark" to "Apollo".

Dath supposedly owned a piece of land from Scottland at one point and claimed the rank of "Lord".


I always tell people, that Dath is like the drunken uncle at a family reunion. He might be embarrassing, but nobody has the heart to ask him to leave!

Tis true, it was a typo, one which I didn't even notice for like 2 months. And I do like russel crowe.

I will defend trek untill the bitter end.

I'm still an admin at that forum...I have more ban's with my name attached to them than anyone else. I deal with trolls swiftly and severly.

As for being a ladies man, I can't help but being awesome. That why all the mom's love me

I currently have a beard, which I rarely shave off, and when I do, it comes back in within hours.

Dath still boxes and changed his name from Mark to Apollo. Actually Dath just added Apollo to the front of it. (took out 3 things right there, pa chow!)

And I do own land in scotland, and screw what you other people say, I'm a god damned Lord.

VIVA LA UNCLE!

Pho3nix
06-24-2009, 03:56 PM
You forgot to list one thing, Dath hates Finnish people.

Dath Maximus
06-24-2009, 04:22 PM
You forgot to list one thing, Dath hates Finnish people.



i do

DarthAve
06-24-2009, 04:29 PM
According to the man himself, Dath also answers to Richard in addition to the other three names.

leXX
06-24-2009, 05:13 PM
Me and Dath have conversed on MSN for 7 years.

Dath is one of the most random (funny) guys I know.

My first day in the Swamp, it was Dath who greeted me with "What the hell are you doing in my Swamp?" I liked him instantly.

Dath changed his name to Apollo because of his love for Battlestar Galactica.

Dispite the hard man pretence, Dath truely is one of the sweetest, nicest guys you will ever meet.

Dath is secretly in love with me.

Kain
06-24-2009, 05:17 PM
And as we all know, Dath has been victimized by someone at work with a headless monkey and a mysterious note.

That **** was just plain funny.

Dath Maximus
06-24-2009, 10:25 PM
Me and Dath have conversed on MSN for 7 years.

Dath is one of the most random (funny) guys I know.

My first day in the Swamp, it was Dath who greeted me with "What the hell are you doing in my Swamp?" I liked him instantly.

Dath changed his name to Apollo because of his love for Battlestar Galactica.

Dispite the hard man pretence, Dath truely is one of the sweetest, nicest guys you will ever meet.

Dath is secretly in love with me.

christ 7 years is a long time...and you never did tell me what you were doing in my swamp

and i changed it because of the greek god, not the character from bsg, i have a bigger ego than that thankyouverymuch

and shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And as we all know, Dath has been victimized by someone at work with a headless monkey and a mysterious note.

That **** was just plain funny.

i still have that

swphreak
06-24-2009, 11:07 PM
And yes...I am phreak's father.

http://www.lucasforums.com/picture.php?albumid=42&pictureid=3450

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Dath Maximus
06-24-2009, 11:27 PM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

and tell your mom she isnt getting that child support

Sigundr
06-24-2009, 11:29 PM
Does that summoning bit still work?

swphreak
06-24-2009, 11:39 PM
and tell your mom she isnt getting that child support

I miss the good ol' Bridge Commander days.

Darth Avlectus
06-25-2009, 12:56 AM
I wonder, doeth thy bearded one also enjoy drunken melee scuffles in thy woods with thine friends, after which gets even more smashed?

leXX
06-25-2009, 07:40 AM
and i changed it because of the greek god, not the character from bsg, i have a bigger ego than that thankyouverymuch


Lies.

Dath hardly ever uses capital letters, only on the very rare occasion he is being serious.

MrWally
06-25-2009, 01:07 PM
When Dath first IMed me on Facebook, I thought I was a goner and would soon be completely consumed by his wrath.

Instead he told me he was bringing hookers to my grad party.

Dath Maximus
06-25-2009, 01:55 PM
When Dath first IMed me on Facebook, I thought I was a goner and would soon be completely consumed by his wrath.

Instead he told me he was bringing hookers to my grad party.

hookers and blow my friend...hookers and blow


but i wasted before i could make it to your grad party....so ill have to make it up to you



and no person who asked if i get drunk in the woods with my friends and have "scuffles" i dont do that, i dont get drunk......i have disturbingly high alcohol tolerance plus if im drunk i become nice, and i cant allow that

TiE23
06-25-2009, 03:12 PM
Little known fact: Dath invented the shuriken and was the first man to throw nothing but nut-punches in a 3 round boxing match (mostly to his corner man and most of the judges).

There should be a Wikipedia page made for him.

Dath Maximus
06-25-2009, 03:34 PM
Little known fact: Dath invented the shuriken and was the first man to throw nothing but nut-punches in a 3 round boxing match (mostly to his corner man and most of the judges).

There should be a Wikipedia page made for him.


its true, i did

Darth Avlectus
06-26-2009, 04:16 AM
Ok, no *drunk* melee in the woods, does Dath at least enjoy sword fighting?

Dath Maximus
06-26-2009, 12:33 PM
Ok, no *drunk* melee in the woods, does Dath at least enjoy sword fighting?


hell ****ing yes, dath is trained in foil and epee fencing, done some sabre too, but i prefer epee, niner can attest to what that's like, he hates it, bones can break with an epee

but i have several swords in my collection

the spartan sword being my favorite since i have a major interest in spartan history

Ray Jones
06-26-2009, 02:31 PM
did you tell your mom you secretly wore her underwear until you moved out last year dath

Tyrion
06-26-2009, 02:47 PM
the spartan sword being my favorite since i have a major interest in spartan history

Isn't that just more of an oversized knife? I don't remember the ancient civilizations, sans the barbarian tribes, having terribly long swords.

Now, if you owned a Spartan spear...that'd be impressive.

Kain
06-26-2009, 05:26 PM
Did you know Dath never has to pay for socks? Everytime someone looses one, its because he stole it.

Darth Avlectus
06-28-2009, 12:17 AM
^^^Only way to do it. Shimme'o'chinna. Proud badge for a member of plinker club.

hell ****ing yes, dath is trained in foil and epee fencing, done some sabre too, but i prefer epee, niner can attest to what that's like, he hates it, bones can break with an epee

but i have several swords in my collection

the spartan sword being my favorite since i have a major interest in spartan history

That's ****ing awesome. Win mate. Handled some epee and foil, done saber myself as well, mostly trained in various rapier for SCA.

Have several swords and a sword breaker amongst numerous other melee weapons. Most of which actually is not for fencing.

Am studying off and on asian bladework as well as euro. No favs right now, though.

EDIT: since cap ran off to hawaii with some chick to get hitched, I've been at my local Kendo club here and there.

MrWally
06-28-2009, 02:04 AM
I tried my hand with fencing once. I messed with all three, but primarily used foil with a little bit of epee. Fantastic stuff. It's a shame I couldn't keep up with it--when we moved out to my current location I was never really able to get back into it.

Awesome stuff though. Totally underrated.

Rogue Nine
06-28-2009, 04:45 AM
Epee is perfect for Dath. No rules and all-out jabbing with the bluntest, heaviest fencing weapon.

Sabre is where it's at. None of that pokey garbage. Full on slashing and swashbuckling, oyea. :kamina:

MrWally
06-28-2009, 02:53 PM
The Princess Bride is what got me into fencing.

Such a good film.