View Full Version : The Unknown Planet

Mandalore The Shadow
07-04-2009, 03:04 PM
Targa came back into being Am I dead? If I am why does it hurt so much? Wasnít pain supposed to cease with death? But then he heard his name being called. He looked around the Jedi was gone and so was his squad. He wasnít dead. He was in the base infirmary to be precise but where were Jag and Xor? And then he remembered, the Jedi, he had escaped. He must have gone to find the star map pieces. Targa sat up noticing for the first time that his armor was not on anymore. He only garments he wore were loose fitting pants. He walked over to a mirror and examined his reflection. There was a large bruise across his chest where the Jedi had thrown the tree at him and Jag. He turned to the footlocker at the foot of his bed where he found his armor neatly folded at the bottom. He pulled it on ignoring the pain in his body. He then left his room. He asked the Mandalorian outside his door where he could find his companions. Apparently they had left already, about a day ago the medic told him. Jag had gotten off with minor bruising while Xor had had to get a robotic replacement for the arm the Jedi had taken from him. Feeling a little more confident he left the infirmary to find Jog and Xor.

He walked into the barracks they shared to find Jag recalibrating his rifle and Xor testing the functionality of his new arm. He wanted to ask them how they were but he was just glad to see them alive. And then the moment was broken when another soldier came in to tell them their top priority now that they were all well again was to find this Jedi. Jag and Xor donned their armor and they left the barracks.

An hour later Targa, Jag, and Xor were making the final preparations for flight in the ship that had been granted to them by command. It was called the Shevíla. This ship had a cockpit, living quarters for many men, and an armory. The armory was stocked with all sorts of things. Jag was sitting in front of a monitor checking out where this Jedi had been and where he was headed. Well it looked like the tracker was still on the ship. The Jedi had been busy he had already been to Manaan and was now on his way to Kashyyyk. If they could get there first they could set up some patrols in the Shadowlands. Targa was permitted to bring a good amount of men and some Landspeeders and Speeder bikes. So they loaded up and left for Kashyyyk.

When they arrived in the Kashyyyk system they took the ship down into a clearing in the Shadowlands. They unloaded the bikes Landspeeders and men and started patrols. It was a few hours before anything interesting happened. One of the patrols had a run in with some Shebla Wookie and one of them had died. Then the Jedi showed up and killed the other two. Targa sent out more patrols to counter this attack this time they patrols could have no less than four men. Then a scout came with the news Targa and His brothers had been waiting for.

They had located the map Targa, Xor, and Jag went to the armory to grab speeders. Targa took his twin Virpine Shatter Guns. Jag grabbed a heavily upgraded chain gun. Xor had been practicing with the lightsaber he had taken from the Jedi that killed his father. He never liked it much but it seemed he decided it needed to be used if he was fighting a Jedi.
When they arrived at the site they set up and waited over the hill in a clearing. They switched off watch for the Jedi. They had not been expecting what happened next. A huge roar came from behind Targa and Xor. As they turned Targa opened fire on the large shape coming from the fog of the Shadowlands. Xor assumed a defensive stance and helped it off. Jag heard what was happening and ran down the slope. He saw a glint on the ground and stooped and picked it up dropping his gun. He ran to great beast and thrust the hiltless blade into its skin. He tried to pull it out so he could strike again but almost immediately it was enveloped by skin as the wound healed itself. It seemed to have been enough anyway the beast gave a huge shriek and threw Jag to the ground and ran off into the foggy distance.

When they got back to their spot on the hill they realized that the starmap was open and three dark figures were retreating into the distant fog but they were too far off to get a clean shot. Why didnít I bring a rifle? Targa thought. He cursed the Jedi and called for immediate dust off. They left the hill to prepare for flight and load Shevíla. It seemed the Jedi was headed for Tatooine

Targa and Jag left the bridge, after telling the pilots where they were going, in search of Xor. They found him in the armory practicing with the lightsaber taken from his fatherís killer. He had really come far but then again he had always been proficient with melee weapons. The ship gave a great lurch and after exchanging looks Targa, Jag, and Xor sprinted off towards the cockpit/navigation area. The pilot turned over his shoulder to tell Targa that there were some Sith fighters outside and they had taken out one of the three engines that Shevíla had. Two of the Sith fighters had been destroyed and the third was fleeing as fast as the engines on the tiny ship would allow.

By the time they got the engines fixed the Jedi was leaving Tatooine and was on his way to Korriban but this was a place could not go so they stayed drifting, cloaked outside Korribanís atmosphere. After a few days Targa Jag, And Xor took a small G-wing down to the surface. They were going to get aboard the Jediís ship and find the coordinates to where the Starmaps pointed out. Once they landed they went for the landing zone where the Ebon Hawk was docked. Xor entered the ship and left Targa and Jag outside to keep watch. It was a small ship. Xor guessed it was a smuggler ship. Why a Jedi flew a smuggler ship he did not know but what he did know was he didnít have much time and he had to get that information. He crept to the navigation room and started to work on the computer nut to no avail even after 30 standard minutes it refused to yield any information.

As the G-wing soared toward Shevíla Xor, Jag, and Targa decided that they would have to fly back to Mandalore and live with the shame of failure. They could not follow the Jedi it would be too obvious and Shevíla was not a warship. Targa walked to the bridge and told the crew they were to set a course for Mandalore.

A few days later a tremor shook the ship and Xor, Targa, and Jag ran to the bridge. In the view port he saw it a large blue planet with something large near itÖ Is that a space station? He thought. Then the engines lost all but emergency power and gravity took over. After a few seconds they regained control and began to guide the ship down. As they passed over the land, Islands, and oceans of this strange planet they saw less fortunate ships crash landed everywhere. Targa thought that they might be able to use parts from the others to fix theirs but then they lost all power about a klick from the ground and they fell.

Targa awoke with Jag and Xor at his side. It had only been 20 standard minutes since the crash. Targa went straight into action. He sent the remaining men out on patrols to find more parts and scout. He called the pilots to him and sat them down. They told him they must have made some sort of error in the navigations but this planet was not even on the charts anyway. After asking which one of them put in the coordinates. Xor took aside the offending officer away from Targa and Jag. There was a fffffmmm sound and a thud and it was over. He went to the wreckage of the ship and sat in deep thought.

Targa and Jag walked around the corner and saw the corpse of one of the pilot but Xor was nowhere to be found. They cleaned up the body and waited for one of the patrols to find something.

It took 5 days for anything to happen. Xor was still missing and Targa received a comm. call that said that the Jedi was here, near a temple to the north. Targa and Jag grabbed stealth belts and ran to find them, telling them not to make hard contact. When they finally got there they gathered and waited near a large obelisk. Trying to get the Jediís attention Targa flashed out of then back into stealth mode on his belt. The Jedi looked over thinking he had seen something and began walking towards Targa. Now! They all unstealthed and threw grenades then switched to other weapons. They were only seven men strong and after 30 seconds they were down four men. Targa backed up toward the obelisk. The Mandalorian sergeant dropped under suppressive fire from the Jediís companion. Then the Jedi lunged Jags head thudded to the ground. Targa fired three rounds into the Jediís arm and back. The Jedi slashed across Targaís chest the last thing he saw was the Jediís face. It seemed to be mocking him.


In these days of meditation something has awakened inside Xor and now it seemed to tell him by making every fiber of his body jump that his friends were dead. His eyes opened and he yelled in rage. This is my fault. The ship exploded around him. He stood in the center of the wreckage of the ship plotting his revenge on the Jedi.

07-21-2009, 11:10 PM

Bee Hoon
07-26-2009, 04:05 AM
Xor assumed a defensive stance and helped it off.Helped what? The creature? O_o

First of all, the fic seems to lack direction. The cumbersome sentence structure doesn't help, but it certainly would be better if you kept a single focus in mind, and tightened up the narrative. Besides that, don't tell us what happened; show us! How did he know that it had been only twenty minutes since he passed out? There's some grammatical and punctuation erros as well, but a careful edit will probably fix most of those :)