View Full Version : Best LEC quotes, anyone?

01-16-2002, 11:08 AM
Hey whats your favourite LEC (this is beside the point, if you're in a hurry skip the parentheses. I looked on the LEC site for info. regarding Legal use of thier logo, and it says you HAVE to write either LEC, LucasArts, or LucasArts Entertainment Company. Thats LucasArts as in not lucasarts, lucas arts, Lucas Arts, etc etc. Also, LEC as in not LC. Thats if you write it on your site, by the way. They can't arrest you for saying 'I love Lucas arts' on this forum, or anything like that) game quote? I have a few.

- Monkey Island 1, Herman Toothrot. (Best part of quote is in bold)

Guybrush: Hey! How did you get here without a head?
Herman: 'I have a head'

- Day of the Tentacle, Dr. Fred

Laverne: 'Whats a tentacle?'
Dr. Fred: 'Oh, just something I whipped up in my spare time. Made good pets, actually - until one of them tried to take over the world. Had to tie the little buggers up in the basement.'

- Day of the Tentacle, Purple

Bernard: 'Ok, you're free to go.'
Green: 'Hey thanks Bernard.'
Purple: 'Yes, thank you naive human.'

- Sam n Max, whole quote

Max: 'Do you think anyone was on that bus?'
Sam: 'No-one we love or care about.'

- Monkey Island 3, LeChuck

LeChuck: 'Guybrush Threepwood, by my gangrenous gut, I don't know how you escaped my Carnival of the Damned, but you won't escape a taste of my blade!'
(The sword is shot from his hand by Elaine)
LeChuck: 'Dargh!'

Ok, what are yours?

01-16-2002, 11:23 AM
The things you can say to Elaine in MI2 are pretty damn funny to me. Some of the highlights:

"You're the governor of my heart, baby."
"Still ignoring fashion, eh? Good for you."
"Great to see you again. Is there any food in this dump?"
"So tell me... You and the gardener, eh?"
"Do you have my red sweater? I can't find it anywhere."
"I'm not sure, but don't you owe me some money?"
"How's your sister? The REALLY good-looking one?"
"I should warn you -- I cancelled the boat insurance."
"I came all this way to see you -- at least get me a beer."
"Those other women meant nothing to me."
"Have you been forwarding all my mail?"
"So, who's the father?"

01-16-2002, 12:32 PM
Oh gawd, there are too many... Just a few from the top of my head.

Sam & Max Hit the Road
Sam: That was a pleasantly understated credit sequence.
Max: I enjoyed the cheesy retro ambience.
Sam: What the hell are you talking about, Max?
Max: Sam, either termites are burrowing through my skull or one of us is ticking.

Grim Fandango
Waiter at Blue Casket: She takes from the rich and gives to me to pour.

Manuel: Glottis... Glottis... is that a German name?
Glottis: Oh, no! My roots lie not in any Earthly nation's soil. I am an elemental spirit summoned up from the Land of the Dead itself and given one purpose, one skill, one desire... TO DRIVE! Or, to change oil or adjust timing belts if no driving jobs are open.

01-16-2002, 12:46 PM
I can never seem to remember the really cool ones... One classic tho, from MI1 when Guybrush first meets Elaine - "Dmnkly!"

01-16-2002, 02:34 PM
You reminded me of a cool one from Sam n Max:
Max: This doesn't look like the Lincoln tunnel Sam
Sam: No, it looks like a mildly volatile hostage situation Max.

01-16-2002, 09:05 PM
Sam: You must really love fish.
'Woody': Actually, I'm alergic to fish.
Sam: Then why do you work here?
'Woody': Because I'm even more allergic to poverty.
Sam: I really loved all your movies. Especially the early, funny ones.
'Woody': What are you talking about?

Bowlsley: Everybody lies, even the bell! Ding, ding! Can I help you?! Can I help you!? Can I frigging help you ding ding ding!!

Guybrush: This island doesn't look like a skull at all. It looks like a great big enormous duck! It should be called Duck Island.
Welshman: Well, you have to sort of squint and turn your head and, oooh, it's just so scary!
Guybrush: If you squint and turn your head it looks like a bunny.

Manny: So what is that stuff they pack canned hams in, anyway?

Max: I'm ripe with anticipation.
Sam: I thought I smelled something.

01-16-2002, 10:26 PM
Sam: That's no head Max, that's one damned ugly timebomb. Let's leave this criminal cesspool pronto.
Max: Sam, is pronto... a real word?

Guybrush: What books do you have?
Librarian: What? You want me to name all of them for you?

Guybrush: You guys got any more marshmellows?
Scabb Pirates: Marshmellows?
Dank(?): That's his cotton for under his eyepatch.

The Adventurer
01-16-2002, 11:53 PM
Guybrush: If there is one thing I've learned from all this its....never pay more then 20 dollors for a computer game.

Elaine: What?

Guybrush: I have no Idea why I just said that.

(ok it goes something like that. Right?)

Lemon Head
01-17-2002, 08:26 AM
When guybrush goes to pick up the carpenter's chair...

Guybrush: I don't touch other peoples stools

01-17-2002, 04:57 PM
Sam n Max
re. themselves: 'Another confused census taker?'

and this ones from flash gordon, but i love it:

Barin: I've changed Aura.
Aura: I've changed too.
Barin: I love you, will you marry me?
Zarkov: (cracks the door lock) Ah! I knew it was one of the prime numbers of the zeta series! I haven't changed!

01-18-2002, 12:08 AM

01-18-2002, 12:15 AM
"This is too easy. Now to get to my ship".
-Pre-Jedi Kyle Katarn

01-18-2002, 12:23 AM
Geez... I remember that only too well... it was one of his only lines in the demo heh heh.

One character in almost every game: "I'm selling these FINE leather Jackets..."

C Shutt
01-18-2002, 03:49 AM
Grim Fandango: "You smell like bacon and oppression, man."

01-18-2002, 04:03 AM
I called my cat bony,
till she said it wouldn't do.
I said, why?
She said 'cos sister, thats what I've been calling you'

01-18-2002, 01:55 PM
max: "i'd be peeing in my pants if i wore any"

or something like that...


01-21-2002, 04:27 PM
"That's pretty big rasp attached to that key. Out of toilet paper?" -- Max.

There's also that really long quote from Brink from The Dig but I don't think it was in the game or something. It was really funny though because it was a 2 minute insult.

01-22-2002, 02:32 AM
guybrush: "that's the second biggest conch shell I've ever seen! ...no...wait...that IS the biggest conch shell I've ever seen!!"

max: "facilities be damned, I need a bathroom!"

sam: "lord, i'm tired of this drivel."

sam: "wanna do some coloring, lil buddy?"
max: "u know sam, we lagamorphs are color blind."
sam: "that's funny. so are we."

meh, that's all i can think of off the top of my head...ok, so it's not verbatim, but forgive me, i haven't played S&M in years. i should.... hehe.


01-22-2002, 02:51 AM
Manny: Any messages for me?
Eva: No, calls stopped coming for you the day you left. They're still sending you that lingerie catalog, though.

Carla: Aw rats, Manny, I almost got to strip-search ya!

Guybrush:I could really use a breath mint.
Storekeeper: You're telling me!

Guybrush: So, tell me about LOOM.
LOOM salesman: You mean the latest masterpiece of fantasy storytelling from Lucasfilm's™ Brian Moriarty™? Why it's an extraordinary adventure with an interface of magic, stunning, high-resolution, 3D landscapes, sophisticated score and musical effects. Not to mention the detailed animation and special effects, elegant point 'n' click control of characters, objects and magic spells. Beat the rush! Go out and buy Loom™ today.

Largo: Ha ha ha! Scream all you want. There are no police on Scabb Island.
Guybrush: Then who eats all the doughnuts and roughs-up the transients?

01-22-2002, 03:44 PM
I forget who says it, but in S&M someone refers to Sam as a bear and he shouts, "BEAR?!?" That cracks me up every time. Anyone remember the details?

Some others I like:
Almost everything those two say is funny. God, I wish they'd do a true adventure sequel.

Max: I've got more hair on my furry little butt than you do on that hollow country head of yours!

Sam (brandishing a ticking time-bomb head): Where should I put this, Max, so it doesn't hurt anyone we know or care about?
Max: Out the window, Sam. There's nothin but strangers out there.

Sam: I see old Mr. Bosco is generously giving away his profits to the underpriveledged, ski-mask-wearing youth of the neighborhood again.

Max: I think that punk learned a valuable lesson, Sam.
Sam: I agree, Max. I didn't realize the lower-lip could stretch completely over the head. Amazing.

Welshman: Sure, mist (MYST) is pretty... but egad is it dull!

Lemonhead: Shut up. Or I'll eat you.

Laverne: Ooh, a hampster. Just what I need for dissection lab tomorrow.
Hoagie: I think I need that for the band, Laverne. You know, we could, like, bite it's head off or whatever.


01-22-2002, 04:32 PM
That bear quote, god yeah! I loved that - it goes summat like:
sum1, re. Bruno the bigfoot: "theres a bear and a monkey trying to catch him to take him back to the carnival"

01-22-2002, 05:41 PM
Nah, it's the surfer bigfoot at the party:

Max: Have you seen Bruno around?
Bigfoot: I haven't seen the dude since he rescued me. I hear he's
hiding out from a crazy bear and bunny who want to drag him off to an evil carnival.
Sam: BEAR!?
Bigfoot: What was that?
Max: Gas.

More quotes here (http://www.geocities.com/jaranbue/misc/snmquot.txt)

01-23-2002, 10:58 AM
Thats the one! I also like it in DOTT when Bernard puts the ink on Wierd Ed's stamp book. When he gives it back he says:
"Sometimes I do stupid things and I don't know why. Its as if I'm being controlled by some sort of sadistic puppet-master."

01-23-2002, 11:45 AM
haha yeah that's an amazing one LucasTones :)

it's really hard, i laugh so hard about those jokes in the games, but i can never recall any by myself :) while i read the previous mentioned i do of course remember them all and also remember how much they cracked me up :)

01-23-2002, 01:45 PM
"thats the 2nd biggest monkey head ive ever seen"
"What kind of a Duck are you?"
"Treasure huntery"

01-23-2002, 03:07 PM
We've all overlooked Murray, from CMI. he has some great lines. Whats the one where Guybrush goes to the Voodoo ladies swamp and Murray is on the arch above the path? he says he got there using his demonic powers, but it transpires the 'creepy voodoo kids' threw him up there.

Lemon Head
01-23-2002, 03:51 PM
Murray: ...and i shall stride through the gates of Hell with your head upon a spike!!

Guybrush: Stride?

Murray: alright then "roll"! Roll through the gates of Hell - must you take the fun out of everything?

01-23-2002, 04:16 PM
I can't believe I forgot this one!

Meathook: You just don't know when to stop do you!

Guybrush: Obviously nor did your barber!


01-24-2002, 09:41 AM
How can you walk around without a brain has to be Murray's best line.

Lemon Head
01-24-2002, 10:02 AM
Hehe yeah!

How can you see without eyeballs?

How can you walk around without a brain? Some thing's we just can't answer

01-24-2002, 11:19 AM
In DOTT with Laverne, whenever you try to use the scalpel on something...

"I can't. My therapist and I have an agreement."

01-24-2002, 03:57 PM
Another good Murray quote:

"Oh, sure... I know a lot about curses. That's why I'm a disembodied talking skull sitting on top of a pike in the middle of a swamp!"

01-24-2002, 04:36 PM
I can't remember the exact quote but it's from CMI and it's when Guybrush is talking to Haggis just after they've mutinied and Guybrush turns round and says something about getting an A+ for an essay which might just get you into the college of your choice. Unfortunalty I can't remember the quote. Can anyone else?

01-24-2002, 04:48 PM
Going back to LemonHeads quote about rolling through the gates of hell... Why in EMI do the refer to hell as heck? 'Heckfire' etc?

01-24-2002, 05:52 PM
"Don't eat the hand lotion." - Haggis

(Looking at the treasure chest in Elaine's room in MI2): "It's impolite to stare at a woman's chest."

(Looking at the bust in Elaine's room): "I heard some guys talking about Elaine's bust... this must be it."

Lemon Head
01-24-2002, 06:43 PM
Originally posted by LucasTones
Going back to LemonHeads quote about rolling through the gates of hell... Why in EMI do the refer to hell as heck? 'Heckfire' etc? It's just meant to be a jab at kiddie entertainment (cartoons, comics (not Judge Dredd type comics)and so forth).

It's not an actual LEC lame-ism, if my memory serves me well EMI has "crap" and "bastard" (can't believe you can't say bastard in these damn forums) in it. Just one of those quirky things i guess.

01-24-2002, 07:42 PM
Guybrush also says "How can I get off this $#%^ing island". It's bleeped out though.

01-25-2002, 04:14 AM
It could have been a jab at kiddy entertainment I suppose... but it really sounds stupid. We deserve better than to be treated like a saturday morning cartoon viewer. I don't remember the b astard and the crap, but I belive it if you say it is so.

01-25-2002, 07:46 AM
It went something like this:

Haggis: ...and don't 'ye be gettin' any ideas 'bout stealin' it!

We're sure to be needin' it. Ya see...

...carpentry in this tropical climate can and will prematurely age yer skin!

'Tis but one of the many hardships a pirate must face daily during this barbarous age.

Aye! And if we pirates didn't carry hand lotion aboard all our ships, we'd probably die from the chafing.

Guybrush: Wow! If I were doing a history report on pirates and I included that fact I'd get an A+.

We're talkin' GUARANTEED A+.

And that A+ just might get you into the college of your choice.

Think about it.

01-25-2002, 11:46 AM
Heh-heh-heh. Oh yeah, that's the one!

01-25-2002, 02:18 PM
Oi! I can't believe I forgot my favorite quote! The bleeped Guybrush quote reminded me of it. It's in Sam & Max when they're talking to the foul-mouthed tool-bending gypsy guy in the revolving restauarant atop the Biggest Ball o' Twine in the World...

Sam: Percent sign, ampersand, dollar sign!
Max: Colon and semi-colon, too!

Tool-bending gypsy guy: What are you f<bleep>ing doing?

Sam: Swearing in long-hand, asterisk mouth.

01-25-2002, 05:33 PM
Heh, you're all cracking me up.

gorbie especially with that last one, my throat hurts. :/

01-25-2002, 07:49 PM
How about "You can't beat a Corley"?
It's just a slogan on a license plate but it's just dripping with irony.

Lemon Head
01-26-2002, 05:23 AM
Originally posted by Trapezoid
How about "You can't beat a Corley"?Now THAT is a pure classic!

01-26-2002, 04:55 PM
Its hilarious! (If in a little bad taste) I do love that one though. The Sam n Max one as well, brilliant.

01-27-2002, 12:37 PM
I'm going to say all the jokes they put in the end credits. "The team would like to thank the following cats ... Tim would like to thank no cats and does not approve of cat ownership"

01-28-2002, 10:40 AM
At the time the one that made me laugh the most was in the Secret of Monkey Island. Stan has just sold the ship to Guybrush, and starts making out like he hasn't ripped him off:

Stan "No, I've changed my mind. You can't have it. I'm too attached to it."
(The Mast snaps)
Stan "Oh well, a deals a deal."

01-30-2002, 09:57 AM
Nothin to say, just bringin the post back to the top of the page so you can all admire my quote :D