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View Full Version : Welcome back, Forums! + My Impromptu 'Fan Fiction': First Chapter


Kestral
01-31-2002, 12:08 PM
Well, I'd just like to say, thank you for coming back forums! Gives the forums a big hug.

Also, I've started on a little fan fiction with some character I thought up. Might be a good read for people who like reading. :) First chapter is over 10000 characters, so I'll be posting it in two posts.

Cam Namarie (Endless Dream)
- James Barnes

<b>Chapter One</b>

The whistle of a gale-force wind over a bleak surface. Shattered peaks and active volacanoes desecrated this world, if it could be called such.

Tiir shook her head slowly. This was hardly the world she would have picked to set up even an outpost, even if she was desperate. She hadn't any choice in the matter, though, her commander and priest was adamant that this world would serve as the quintessential rebirth point of the Clan.

The Clan! She loved them dearly, but this world is a polar opposite of the homeworld, beautiful Alessea. The Clan had been displaced from their beloved homeworld by the Empire, and despite all attempts to re-establish control on their territory, the cursed New Republic had moved in to pillage the precious resources, the unprocessed vym ore and the hidden stores of starfighters and starships the Clan had hidden there over the years. Alessea had truly been the New Alderaan its inhabitants had called it, with lakes, forests, and beautiful cities.

How she hated them! Tiir clenched her fists in vain frustration. She wanted to kick and batter one of the so-called Jedi into a bloody puddle, then dump him on this hellish planet. She was capable, she knew. No Jedi could touch her. Her training in Mandalorian techniques had been thorough, and she was confident that she could succeed where they could not. Annhilation of the Jedi! She tasted the foul air, and knew that she had to get off this planet, do what she had to.

* * *

Alone in the forests of Yavin Four sat a boy. His eyes were closed and his nose was scrunched in concentration. Around him all was quiet. The birds sat and watched, the hidden animals watched.

Suddenly, the leaf upon which the boy was concentrating jerked upwards. He opened his eyes and gasped. He looked down and watched the leaf settle back down onto the grass. Goosebumps raced across his body as he realized he'd finally used the Force that was apparently so potent around him.

'Oh YEAH!' Graol 'Vic' Nycem pumped his fist in the air. He sprang to his feet and raced through the brush, which grabbed and scratched at him. He ran for a straight five minutes, and finally he emerged into the landing field in front of the Great Massassi Temple. The great stone temple loomed hundreds of meters tall in front of him. He raced past a group of students lifting a large block with the Force, led by the venerable Kam Solusar. He pounded up the steps of the temple and ran straight smack into the Jedi Master of the praxeum, Luke Skywalker. Both tumbled to the floor, and poor Vic helped the older man to his feet, all the while jabbering to him about his latest accomplishment.

Luke smiled as the young boy listed the feelings he had when the leaf moved. The boy was good. Vic had picked up on basic Jedi training in only a month. He had an innate understanding of why feelings were so important, and Luke knew he was going to be an excellent Jedi Knight, if he ever grew out of his artistic fancies about the universe. Luke shushed the boy with a hand gesture, and pointed into the temple, saying 'Your friends are waiting for you, I was coming out to...' but the boy was already gone.

* * *

Kemina threw a slender arm around the younger boy as he raced into the small, but well appointed room. Kemina threw him to the floor in approved headlock style as Vic sputtered and gasped. She let go and grinned, nearly yelping, 'Vic! What's up?'

Vic looked up from the floor, rubbing his throat absentmindedly. Then he remembered his great news and jumped up, eyes shining. 'I used the Force, Kemmy!'

The older girl looked at him sharply, and her eyes lit up. 'Wow!' she breathed. 'So they were right! You are a Jedi!' She rubbed her hands, which were just as long and slender as the rest of her. She stood nearly a head taller than the height of Vic, at 5'5". She had sable hair and fair skin, and green eyes. Vic was a typical young boy from New Alderaan, strong and dark haired. He hadn't yet grown into his father's bulk and height but Kemina was sure he would some day. Vic was nine, and Kemina was 17.

Kemina, called Kemmy or Kem for short, was a slicer. She was one of the best on this side of the galaxy, or so she'd like to think. She went by the alias Kimera and she had broken into the Imperial Remenant's databases three times, and relayed that information to her parents, who worked for the Bothans. The Bothans were ever cautious of the Imperials, and kept close tabs on their sector. Kem worked in an aura of darkness and was always flitting from system to system on her ship, the Famished Krayt.

For now, however, she was resting on Yavin Four, courtesy of the Bothans. She had traded words with Kam Solusar, Tionne, even Luke Skywalker. She also had a small cargo of corusca jewels from Gem Diver Station that Lando Calrissian himself had asked her to deliver when she stopped there to repair a faulty sublight engine. All in all, the trip seems to have been paid off, and this last tidbit of great news from her little friend topped in all off.

'..and then it moved and I felt this rush of thought! I could almost see a web between everything and it was great...' Vic babbled on, not missing a beat throughout her little thought process. She lifted a hand over his mouth to silence him.

'Right now, I've got a friend I want you to meet.' she said, smiling at the younger boy. A dark figure stepped out of one of the dark corners of the small room. He was tall, taller then Kem. He had short, styled brown hair and steel blue eyes. His face was ruggedly handsome, and he had an engaging smile. Vic liked him already.

'Hi Vic. Kem's told me a lot about you. So you're the little selfstyled Jedi Knight, huh?' His voice was deep and masculine. He was covered in a brown cloak with black clothing beneath, which hid his stature. He wore a small blaster pistol at his hip in a low slung holster.

Vic smiled widely, and his eyes brightened. 'Yeah! I moved a leaf!'

Kem stepped to the side as the two engaged in a boy-talk banter about lightsabers and blasters. She smiled wistfully. The young man was Gavek T'lem, at 21 years old. He was an ex-Coruscant underground agent she had met in her travels. They became casually romantic after a scenario when the Imperials had sent Boba Fett to try and capture her. Gavek had stopped the bounty hunter by doubling the bounty and promising a live delivery of one of his top-priority bounties. Boba Fett had agreed, although having Gavek's blaster at his temple hadn't given him much choice. Gavek had allowed the bounty hunter to leave, while Kemina and Gavek escaped in her ship from the Interdictor which had appeared to make the transfer.

* * *

Tiir stood aboard the Carrack-class cruiser 'Crystal Mind'. She gripped the railing on the bridge in white knuckled rage as the last recon TIE was vaporized by the New Republic E-wings. 'Retreat to hyperspace. I want those E-wings disabled first thing in the next simulation.'

The bridge brightened and darkened, and the simulation ran again. They were attacking a small outpost on the border of the new system the Clan was colonizing, and the Clan wanted no casualities on their part. Tiir was commander in chief of the small fleet of cruisers the Clan had bought as a defense force, and she was desperately short of the ships required to take the well-defended outpost.

The mock ship came out of hyperspace and she designated the E-wings as priority targets. She watched as the well trained gun crews rained a hail of fire down on the first E-wing, which crumpled and exploded in the concentrated fire of all ten heavy turbolasers. The ion cannons lanced out with deadly precision and disabled two more. 'Launch the TIEs!' Tiir called, sastisfied with the current situation. The TIEs detached from the side of the Crystal Mind and swooped out to the E-wings, which were juking and evading the laser blasts, but coming ever closer to the bulk cruisers and the lead Crystal Mind, where they could launch their deadly proton torpedoes.

Suddenly, a hyperspace signature appeared on Tiir's sensor screen. It was one of the random elements she had programmed into the simulation, a resupply ship with a light escort. The light escort was a single X-J X-wing and three Z-95 fighters, and the bulk cruiser was well armed with at least 5 heavy turbolasers.

Tiir sighed, cursed their lack of intel on the outpost and walked out of the simulation room. The bridge crew looked at her retreating back, and followed.

* * *

Kestral
01-31-2002, 12:23 PM
Gavek and Kem sat on one of the huge tree branches of the trees of Yavin Four. Gavek had his arm around her and was absentmindedly stroking her hair. Kem, as usual, was sitting quietly. She tilted her head up and looked into Gavek's eyes, which were staring out into the forest. His face was lined with care, the product of undercover work on Coruscant. He looked down at her, and once again she was shocked by the contrast of his steel blue eyes set amongst that dark skin. The pupils were unique, oblong and scattered, the work of a slight cross-generational genetic circumstance. He was a girl's dream. I'm such a hopeless romantic when it comes to Gavek, she scolded herself.

Gavek stirred, and batted at his long bangs with his free hand. He shifted his weight off his blaster and rested his hands on Kem's slender shoulders. 'It's getting dark, Kem. We should get back to the Temple. I've heard Yavin Four isn't known for hospitable night creatures.'

Kemina sighed, and stretched. A nestled furry whisper kit-like creature scuttled out of her lap where she had been petting it as it made deep purring noises. She twisted on the branch and stared straight into Gavek's eyes. She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and smiled at him, then grasped at the thick vine they had used to climb the tall tree and made her way to the bottom. Gavek slid down after her and they sprinted for the Temple, as eyes and growls followed them along the trail.

* * *

Luke Skywalker paced at the head of the Great Hall. Vic and his small knot of friends sat in one corner of the assembled students. Kam Solusar, Tionne, Dorsk 88 and most of the Beginners, as the newer students called them, stood with him.

'When is he going to start?' Vic muttered to his friend, Yenkie. He suddenly felt the Master's eyes on him and looked up. Skywalker was staring at him, a small smile playing across his face.

'You all are wondering why you're here. Some of you are wishing you could be off practicing with your lightsabers, or practicing with the Force. But patience! Patience for now.' Luke smiled again, and then launched into his daily routine about the Force, the Jedi, and the legacy the new Jedi Knights had to fufill.

Vic listened attentively. He had heard the same speech every day for the past four months; he listened now because he had felt the Force for the first time, only a little while ago. He wanted to see if he could find hidden meaning inside 'The Speech' that he hadn't noticed before.

'The Force connects all living things. The Force flows through a Jedi, and gives him strength...' Skywalker intoned, his voice echoing around the chamber.

* * *

Kemina sat at the computer in the Famished Krayt. She had an open program in front of her detailing the strengths of the new Imperial fleet which was being manuafactured in the Imperial sector. The Bothans will pay handsomely for this information, Kemina thought, grinning to herself. The thought of a pile of credits in her cargo hold made her excited, and anxious to get going. She sprang into the ****pit and gave Gavek a hug. 'The information I got from the databases in the Sector is promising. Promising enough to get us at least fifteen thousand credits!' she squealed.

Gavek returned the hug fiercely. 'I just got the message from the Bothans. They say we should meet them on the edge of the Corporate Sector, where they'll have five ships to guarantee 'complete safety' of transfer. Now, this new information isn't worth five ships, is it?'

Kemina frowned. 'No, it just had information on all of the Imperial ships being manuafactured, the types and specs.. I also got a communique file from Byss, but it's encrypted beyond my skills.'

'Kemina, I think there's something going on, here.' Gavek muttered. 'Something way beyond fifteen thousand credits. Byss is the Emperor's throneworld in the Deep Core, and you don't get communiques from there for nothing.'

* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *

Wacky_Baccy
01-31-2002, 01:08 PM
That's really very good... I'm impressed (and it takes quite a lot to impress me :))

...do you want a proof-reader, by any chance? :D (Seriously)

Kestral
01-31-2002, 01:18 PM
Originally posted by Wacky_Baccy
That's really very good... I'm impressed (and it takes quite a lot to impress me :))

...do you want a proof-reader, by any chance? :D (Seriously)

Thanks. :)

Go ahead with the proof reading. I think I got everything.

Wacky_Baccy
01-31-2002, 06:31 PM
Originally posted by Kestral
Go ahead with the proof reading. I think I got everything.
That confident, eh?

*Rubs hands together with glee*

Well now, let's see...

"The whistle of a gale-force wind over a bleak surface. Shattered peaks and active volacanoes desecrated this world, if it could be called such."

Did you perhaps mean 'kayak'? :p ;)

"Kemina, called Kemmy or Kem for short, was a slicer. She was one of the best on this side of the galaxy, or so she'd like to think. She went by the alias Kimera and she had broken into the Imperial Remenant's databases three times..."

"Hi Vic. Kem's told me a lot about you. So you're the little selfstyled Jedi Knight, huh?' His voice was deep and masculine..."

'Selfstyled' should be hyphenated or two separate words.

I think I've proven my case :D (There are more errors, but I see no reason to point them all out here... ;))

If you want, I'll go through it and make a much better job of it than Word's grammar+spellchecker could ever hope to :)

PM or email me ( wacky_baccy@hotmail.com ) if you want me to do it all :)

Kestral
01-31-2002, 06:54 PM
Do them in here if you want. I never proof read it, and my nerves were slightly taxed when I was writing it.

Wacky_Baccy
01-31-2002, 07:21 PM
I'll only do it if you're going to want to keeep a copy, or publish it anywhere (in a book, the net, wherever) - there's little point if it's only a casual thing that you're doing just for this forum (we don't mind your few mistakes - we know you well enough to forgive you that :D ;)) I just thought that if you were going to publish it anywhere, that it's worth making it 'professional', so to speak :)

Kestral
01-31-2002, 07:26 PM
Originally posted by Wacky_Baccy
I'll only do it if you're going to want to keeep a copy, or publish it anywhere (in a book, the net, wherever) - there's little point if it's only a casual thing that you're doing just for this forum (we don't mind your few mistakes - we know you well enough to forgive you that :D ;)) I just thought that if you were going to publish it anywhere, that it's worth making it 'professional', so to speak :)

I'll probably make it a nice long 20 chapter type thing for the forums. It's still nice to have a proof reader, though. :)

Wacky_Baccy
01-31-2002, 07:47 PM
Would you like me to proof-read and as you post them, or wait until they're all finished, and then correct them and compile them into one word document, or something else?

Kestral
01-31-2002, 07:51 PM
Originally posted by Wacky_Baccy
Would you like me to proof-read and as you post them, or wait until they're all finished, and then correct them and compile them into one word document, or something else?

Whatever you want. :)

Wacky_Baccy
01-31-2002, 08:02 PM
OK :)

I think I'll wait, and compile/correct the lot in one go :)

Kestral
01-31-2002, 09:33 PM
:)

I'm going to write the second chapter tomorrow... After school. :(

Wacky_Baccy
01-31-2002, 09:56 PM
What are you :( about? School? Or writing chapter 2?
I hope you cheer up - we don't want a depressing chapter 2... ;)

keep your chin up, kestral - things usually get better :)

Kestral
01-31-2002, 10:24 PM
The :( was just because I have to go to school tomorrow. :)

The Seeker
02-01-2002, 12:43 AM
Ohhh, but depressing chapters are so much fun to write. Not as much fun as the battle chapters, but more fun than the tactical dialog ones. One time, when I wrote a depressing chapter, it was so sad that I made my sister cry. Now, I don't care what you say about sad chapters, you make someone cry, it's all worth while. *cackles wickedly*

Kestral
02-01-2002, 04:26 PM
Like, bump, you know?

Kestral
02-01-2002, 10:35 PM
Originally posted by Kestral
Like, bump, you know?

The Seeker
02-01-2002, 11:33 PM
Originally posted by Kestral: Like, bump, you know?

I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about. :confused:

Wacky_Baccy
02-02-2002, 12:06 PM
Originally posted by JediKnight_114
I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about. :confused:
I think he was hoping for more feedback and comments than the stuff he got from you and me :)

Come on, guys, tell him what you think!

The Seeker
02-02-2002, 06:58 PM
Ohhhhhh. Gotcha.

Okay, your story was actually pretty good. There were a few common errors like you use the word "looked" too often rather than substituting with some of its synonims. Other than that, pretty impressive.

Over at the starwars.com forums, some guy had started a story through the eyes of an imperial pilot. I tackled the story through the eyes of a rebel pilot to do a sort of duel of the pilot's story The story had really great potential, but unfortunately, the other guy ran out of inspiration, so the story died. Now, I have it stored on my computer waiting for me to finish it. When I do, maybe I'll post it here.

Kestral
02-02-2002, 08:48 PM
Sure. Maybe I could do something like that. Imperials are interesting cases to do a story on. Faltering loyalties, pride in strength, etc etc.

The Seeker
02-02-2002, 08:54 PM
Well, how bout this: I'll PM you what myself and the other guy wrote, along with where I think the story can go. Then you can pick up where he left off on the Imperial side and I'll continue rotating in my part from the Rebels perspective every other chapter. If you don't want to, that's fine. I'ts just a cool story that could go so many places if it just get's continued.

Kestral
02-03-2002, 10:20 PM
Originally posted by JediKnight_114
Well, how bout this: I'll PM you what myself and the other guy wrote, along with where I think the story can go. Then you can pick up where he left off on the Imperial side and I'll continue rotating in my part from the Rebels perspective every other chapter. If you don't want to, that's fine. I'ts just a cool story that could go so many places if it just get's continued.

Sure, go ahead. :)

Wacky_Baccy
02-08-2002, 10:28 PM
How's chapter two coming along?

And btw, is "Cam Namarie (Endless Dream)" the title of the story? :confused:

Keep us up-to-date with the progress of it :)

Kestral
02-08-2002, 10:43 PM
Originally posted by Wacky_Baccy
How's chapter two coming along?

And btw, is "Cam Namarie (Endless Dream)" the title of the story? :confused:

Keep us up-to-date with the progress of it :)

Cam Namarie means The Dream in Elvish.

I like languages, and I learned some basic Elvish for the fun of it. :p

As for chapter two, I haven't thought much about it.

Wacky_Baccy
02-08-2002, 10:57 PM
Originally posted by Kestral
Cam Namarie means The Dream in Elvish.

I like languages, and I learned some basic Elvish for the fun of it. :p
Oh. Right. But is it the title of the fan-fic???? :D
As for chapter two, I haven't thought much about it. But you have thought some about it? (I know, I'm too clever for my own good :D:p;))

Rúmil
03-02-2002, 09:42 PM
Aye, Waccy. You are too clever.

Chanke4252
03-03-2002, 01:18 PM
Why did you learn a fictional language. Learn a real language instead so at least you can use it for something. Learning Elvish is similiar to studying the eating habits of Big Bird (sesame st), its more or less useless.

On a side note Im very bitter today because i havent had the chance to get any sleep for the past 36hrs, so dont take any of this to heart. Oh by the way, I did study the eating habits of Big Bird and, despite what experts might say, it is possible to have a satisfying meal consisting only of vegetables.

Rúmil
03-03-2002, 03:25 PM
Originally posted by Chanke4252
Why did you learn a fictional language. Learn a real language instead so at least you can use it for something. Learning Elvish is similiar to studying the eating habits of Big Bird (sesame st), its more or less useless.

Um, ok, shut up?

I can do what I want without <i>useless</i> trolls hanging around.