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Captain LeChuck
02-28-2002, 02:14 PM
Okay post yer best jokes here, maggots!
Here's one to get us up n' goin'!

You should know that ppl from Japan has quite hard to say R and says L instead.

A Ship sank outside an Island. The survivors swimmed ashore. It was 5 Englishmen and one Japanese. The Englishmen immidiatly started to make minister posts. One became Prime Minister and one minister of Defence and so on. The Japanese became Minister of Supplies. The same day the Japanese dissapeard. Three days later the Englishmen decided to find the Japanese. When in the Jungle the Japanese suddenly jumped out of a bush and shouted:
Supplies!

LOL!!!!

Feral
02-28-2002, 02:47 PM
Maggots, eh? I take it you're into Slipknot, then?

Kj°len
02-28-2002, 04:24 PM
No offense LeChuck but....

...

...

...

...that wasn't a very funny joke....

...

...Another joke:
*Hits the wall*

PS - GB, can I legally buy that copywrighted joke from you? I'l send you the legal papers.
Never mind here they are:

I _______ give full responisbility and ownership of "The Wall" and "The Wall" jokes to Kj°len of LucasForums.

COJ
02-28-2002, 09:32 PM
im sorry i dont get it..!!

sorry if im slow....

Joshi
03-01-2002, 11:04 AM
i get a joke everyday in my email, today i got two (dont ask me why). here they are, just for you.

A Bad Mistake

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like
this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my
wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed
one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was
my wife's golf ball -- stuck right in the middle of the cow's
butt. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks
like yours!'"

A New Father

One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn
baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down
at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of
emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment,
skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused,
with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

"A penny for your thoughts," she whispered in his ear.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can
make a crib like that for only $46.50!"

good, eh?:D :laughing:

Captain LeChuck
03-01-2002, 11:37 AM
The first one was good. But I didnt like the other one as much. No offense.

Joshi
03-01-2002, 11:56 AM
yeah, i didn't like the second one either, i just put it in cause i got it in my email today. but the first one was pretty funny. my friend came up with a list of oxymorons today (two word put together in everyday life but still contradict eachother) which were pretty funny, but i can't remember all of them. it was stuff like

Pretty Ugly
and
Micrsoft Works. they were quite cool.:D

brief
03-01-2002, 02:01 PM
Ah, the good ol' Oxymoron list..

Awful good
Almost exactly
Alone together
Baggy tights
Civil war
Clearly confused
Constant change
Definite maybe
Dress pants
First final
Found missing
Fresh frozen
Good grief
Graduate Student
Guest Host
Genuine imitation
Industrial park
Jumbo shrimp
Literal interpretation
Living dead
Meatless hamburger
Military intelligence
Now then
Mutually exclusive
Oddly appropriate
Peace force
Plastic glasses
Plastic silverware
Pretty ugly
Resident alien
Sanitary landfill
School vacation
Second best
Same difference
Silent scream
Student teacher
Sweet sorrow
Terribly fine
Thunderous silence
Tight slacks
Virtual reality
Working vacation
...and, of course, the number oxymoron in the world:

Microsoft Works

Joshi
03-05-2002, 11:10 AM
there it is. i knew someone would know about the oxymoron list. anyway here's another joke.

two twin boys were born, but the only thing that was the same was there looks. they looked exactly the same, but acted differently. one was an optomist (brought the good out of everything) and the other was a pessimist (brought the bad out of everything).
on their birthday, their dad thought he do a little experiment. he put loads of really good toys and gifts in the pessimists room and a load of horse manure in the optomists room.
when the dad walked past the pessimist's room he was crying, when aked why he said
"now all my friend will be jelouse of my new toys, it'll take me ages to read the instructon, i'll have to constantly change the baterries adn eventually they'll break!"
when he walked past the optomists room, the optomist was dancing for joy. when asked why, he said.
"There's got to be a pony around here somewhere!"

well, that's the joke, tell me if you like it.:D

Guybrush122
03-05-2002, 05:58 PM
Originally posted by Kj°len
- GB, can I legally buy that copywrighted joke from you? I'l send you the legal papers.
Never mind here they are:

I _______ give full responisbility and ownership of "The Wall" and "The Wall" jokes to Kj°len of LucasForums.

FAT CHANCE!!!!!

NO WAY AM I GIVING UP MY WALL JOKE!

*grabs "The Wall Joke" and shoves it into a breifcase*

YOULL NEVER GET IT NOW!!!!

*runs away with the breifcase in hand*




































*hits the wall*

OW!!!! .... apparantly "The Wall Joke" got out.....*rubs head*......

brief
03-05-2002, 07:36 PM
I shall share with you one of the great mysteries of life.. as written by a Miles Johnson:

Last sunday, I was waaaaaaiting for my son (7 years old) to get ready for church. Since I had him trapped, I decided it was time to discuss some of the 'Facts of Life' with him.

"Son, you have gotten old enough that you can be trusted with one of the Important Secrets of Manhood. You must never tell this secret to any women or girls."

"OK."

"You have probably noticed that most things are run by men. The boss is usually a man. Men usually get paid more than women. However, there isn't all that much difference between men and women."

"But what about..."

"Oh that. That isn't all that important. Are you any smarter than the girls your age?"

"Nope."

"And I am not any smarter than the women my age. And you know your mother could probably whip me in a fair fight. So why do you suppose that men are usually in charge?"

<SHRUG>

"It is because we don't play fair. We cheat. We men have lots of little tricks that we use to make sure that women don't win. And I am about to tell you one of the Most Important!"

<EXPECTANT STARE>

"Pockets!"

"What!?"

"It is true! Long ago, we men managed to convince the women that they would rather wear clothing that looked pretty, than wear clothing that worked right. And then we convinced the women that pockets were ugly. So, now, most women's clothes don't have pockets."

"Naaah."

"Well, check for yourself. How many pockets do you have?"

<1,2,3,4,5> "5"

"How many pockets in your sister's dress?"

<...> "0"

"How many pockets in my suit?"

<1,2,3, ... 13,14> "14!"

"How many pockets in your mother's dress?"

"0"

"If you don't have any pockets, then you can't carry important things. Important things like money, or keys, or tools. Men get to be in charge because they can get things done, while the women are still asking to borrow somebody's keys."

<Kid tries to escape, but I block the door.>

"Son, I want you to remember that if you wear clothes that don't work right, then people will think you are Useless. They might even call you one of those nasty names that mean Useless like: Fashionable! or Chic!"

<Wife sweeps in.>

"What is taking you two so long? Are you ready?"

<Shrug>

"My that dress looks nice. May I zip it up for you?"

brief
03-06-2002, 04:03 AM
Here's the account of one Matthew Miller:


My wife is on a business trip, and I'm expecting her to arrive home tonight. I just got a call from British Airways. It went like this. I want to emphasize that I am not making this up, and the transcript is pretty much-word-for-word, as I was so perplexed I thought I'd better write it down right away.


British woman: Hello, this is British Airways. Is Ms. Showalter there?

Me: Um, no, she's not home yet. Is there a problem?

BW: Okay, well, can I leave a message for her?

Me: Sure. Is there something wrong? As far as I know, she's on one of your flights right now.

BW: We just wanted to let her know that her flight is going to be arriving a little late. It will be arriving in Philadelphia at 7:45.

Me: The one she's on?

BW: Yes.

Me: You want me to tell her when she gets home, that her flight arrived late?

BW: Yes.

Me: Okay, I'll let her know.

BW: Thank you, sir.

brief
03-06-2002, 04:09 AM
Okay, this one more resembles a joke than the others I've posted so far...


Instruction sheet for a T-shirt from a company called "East Beach":


OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS:
Pull garment on over head, placing arms through appropriate openings.
Finish with label at back of collar with design facing out.
Fashion note - tail can be worn out for casual or tucked in for formal
Wear shirt to pre-determined occasion.
Important note - remove all tags or labels, such as this one, before wearing in public
After shirt is sufficiently soiled, place in washing machine (note - for best results remove shirt)
Leave the shirt just the way you removed it - inside out. Wash warm water/cool rinse.
Note - Xtreme shirts are NOT underwear - don't let your mother throw it in hot water, and keep her away from the bleach
Dry on low heat, air or line dry.
Return garment to right-side out and repeat step 1.

Joshi
03-06-2002, 10:35 AM
pretty funy except i don't get the first one, i had it up until the mother came in. who said the last line? was it a punchline, or just the end of a funny story? (so many question, so little time)

ZoE GurL
03-07-2002, 09:16 PM
ooo u want jokes aye?
ummm most of my good jokes are sexest or racist... er did i say good i meant um... <though if u do wanna hear some of them PM me ;)

how about...
why do women prefer chocolate to men?
cause chocolate is juz as satisfing when soft. :p
hehe

Zoe Out

Cyber Funk
03-16-2002, 09:29 AM
YOO-HOO! Stinky Mr. Chuckie!

You know, LeChuckie suits you better then LeChuck! It almost sounds like: LeChubby! HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA! GET IT?

Hey! Tell me something: Does evil always wear stinky underwear? HA!HA!HA!HA!

WHY DOES EVIL ALWAYS LOOSE? WELL, BECAUSE IT STINKS!!! HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!:D :D :D

Joshi
03-18-2002, 08:05 AM
were those meant to be jokes or insane ramblings. if they were insane ramblings i just have one thing to say to you.............can i join in?:D