View Full Version : Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery
04-09-2002, 05:51 AM
1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
2. Someone call the janitor. We're going to need a mop.
3. Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.
4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!
5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
6. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
7. Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
8. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
9. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
10. Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
13. Sweet Jebus! Wtf is that thing!
14. Yikes. Better get some more drop cloths.
15. Scapel, check. Forceps, check. Clamps, check. Budweiser, check.
16. Hey, does that heart monitor get any other channels? I think the Rams-49ers game is on.
17. Ok, we'll have those implants in you, in no time, Mrs. Jinkins.
18. Eeney, Meeney, Miney........... Moe!
19. If your comfortable with your grip, Dr. Ferguson, I'm prepared to make the wish.
20. .......he can live with half of that thing, right?
Add some more! :D
04-09-2002, 07:26 AM
LOL. Those are hilarious! So true too.
04-09-2002, 07:31 AM
Oh yeah, here's another one:
I'm sorry Mr. Jordan, but I think that I didn't have enough knowledge about doing this type of thing, so I believe I just pulled out a tendon.
"What are you doing?"
"Why, I'm removing your appendix like you asked me to."
*points at his heart*"Then what's that?"
04-09-2002, 03:14 PM
Don't worry, people, I trained in a concentration camp.
Hey, what's all that tomatoe soup coming out of his heart?!
And one from the Simpsons:
"Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit until I jam this down your throat!"
04-09-2002, 04:07 PM
another one from the Simpsons:
"Wrist bone's connected to the shoulder bone, shoulder bone's connected to the red thingy, red thingy's connected to my wrist watch...uh-oh!!"
04-09-2002, 04:35 PM
*doc pulls out buzzsaw*
"We are ready to operate!"
"Um... doctor, you'd better stop the bleeding."
Can't, she's my crazy aunt.
04-09-2002, 05:14 PM
where do you guys find some of this stuff
Hey docter what should we do with his other lung
04-09-2002, 05:42 PM
'You're going to die anyway'
'HE'S GOT A GUN!!!!!'
'You're better off dead'
'This isn't going to hurt' (biggest lie EVER!!!!!)
04-09-2002, 05:58 PM
ok now well cure you as soon as you run out of money
you know i knew i shouln't have skipped medical school
son we have replaced your heart with a baked potato
you have 5 seconds to live
04-09-2002, 07:20 PM
*pulls out cutter, starts to cut near heart*
Umm... I think we need some tape.
*cuts open a alien, and a claw grabs the doctor's throat*
Um, I don't think we need this thing.
*pulls out a shotgun, blows it up*
04-09-2002, 08:17 PM
LOL thanks Rhett.
No time for pain-killers, son, i've got an a tee time in 30 minutes.
What do you think we should do?
I've never actually done this before...
How hard can this be?
Oh, i forgot to tell you, I'm Dr. Kevorkian. :D
Fire me, will they?
Do i cut the red vein, or the blue one?
I give up!
04-09-2002, 09:02 PM
NOW I AM GOING TO OPERATE!!!
(Bonus points if you know what that's from :) )
04-09-2002, 10:32 PM
"I've only had 1 drink!"
"Eh I can leave it halfway done."
"Won't be needing this..."
" Ha! Anestishia! He won't feel a thing..."
"Aw damn, I spilled my Big Gulp!"
04-09-2002, 11:12 PM
all i can say is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!
heres one i could think of
"The left vein's connected to the right vein. The right vein's connected to the middle vein. The middle vein's connected to the heart. And the heart is connected to the.......hey!!!":D
04-09-2002, 11:31 PM
Don't worry, i'll be back in under an hour.
Now where did i put my glasses?
Wait, you're not Richard....are you?
Nurse, does this look right to you?
Don't worry about it, we'll mail you a new one.
04-10-2002, 08:24 AM
04-10-2002, 10:42 AM
*Gulps* Maybe i shouldnt have had that last beer *BUAAA*
Oops..... euh.... you have ensurance right??
*when you are just waking up*
sir... hi..... we made a mistake.. and replaced your heart with a potatoe... you have 3 minutes to life...
WOW!... this isnt getting any prettier.
sure.. ive done this hundred of times...... on a frog!
Wow! that doesnt look right.
Ive got a lovely bunch of coconuts. dideleedee. there they are standing in a roooooooow. Big ones small ones some as big as your head.
*while in surgery*
hey... this reminds me. are we still on for dinner at that new restaurant?
i had another one... but i forgot it... maybe later :D
04-10-2002, 12:47 PM
That is funny! lol
Doc: Sir, I have bad news for you...There was some complication during the surgery...
Patient: *eyes widens* what kind of complication....?
Doc: Well, I dont know how this is possible but when we did the transplant someone by a mistaken have given us a animal part for that...so you will look like an animal in a certain way...
Patient: M...M...M....M....My leg is a animal part?! AHHHHHHH!!!!! WHAT IN THE HECK WERE YOU DOING WHILE I WAS OUT!!! YOU GUYS DONT GET PAID 20,000 dollars just to mess up!!!!! *jumps up and falls over because the leg that he got is too short.* CURSE YOU DOC!!!!*takes a knife and crawls to the Doc*
Story will continue later...:D
04-12-2002, 03:49 PM
"This patient has already had some kids, right?"
"Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?"
"Don't worry. I think this is sharp enough."
"FIRE! FIRE! Everybody get out NOW!"
"Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!"
"What do you mean, he wasn't in for a sex change?"
"Anyone see where I left that scalpel?"
"That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?" :D
"That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of that?"
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