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Darkprophet
05-12-2002, 07:01 PM
quote from Zero jedi
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No, its not a complaint, more like a full time rage-filled rant. When I first played the game I was overjoyed at its beautiful saber control, but then came the infamous patch 1.03 and instead of tweaking a near perfect system it's done several things:

1) Changed a Jedi wielding an elegant weapon to a whore handling a slippery vibrator in a rainstorm while trying to shove 24 fan letters to Art Carney into a mailbox. Congrats Raven, you suck.

2) Most dangerous part of the saber was the tip, 'cuz y'know, it was a laser and all. Now it causes less damage than the eraser tip of a number 2 pencil. Instead of a saber why not just have a glowstick that those crazy goth ravers are all carrying around (with extras undoubtedly hidden in hard to reach places, if you know what I mean). Congrats Raven, you suck.

3) The butt dart syndrome: morons running around backwards ass all out with a saber peaking out. Why not just add an option where two Jedi can stand back to back holding mirrors and try to stab each other over their shoulders or between their legs? Or even better make it so you can set your saber on a ledge then try to chase your opponent into running into it. It'll be like rugby only not as homosexually oriented. Congrats Raven, you suck.

4) Made the best stance (medium) into "Strong Stance Part 2: The Suck". Not only did you decrease the speed, but anally raped the twirl and didn't add any strength to compensate for your ejaculation all over it. If strong stance is supposed to be slower than medium then why does the heavy special recover faster than the medium's? Oh, and the claim that you "fixed" the strong stance one hit kill? Then why in Rose Kennedy's name can people still fly an impossible 20,000 leagues to execute it, and it still can take you out with one hit? My suggestion - take out that flying dutchman move the strong stance has and change it to the following: if you get close enough you'll deactivate your saber, shove it down your opponent's pants, and then re-ignite it, and it'll kill them with one hit. Congrats Raven, you suck.

5)Duel now takes a full work day with coffee breaks and the sale of your soul to Satan to determine a winner. Most likely due to the new and improved Dungeons and Dragons "gee I hope I roll a 47 on my 80 sided dice" method of detecting hits (see number 8 on this list for more details). Congrats Raven, you suck.

6) Collision detection would be brilliant if only it existed, it seems by "fix" you meant "add more blocks and more flashes than an epeleptic can handle". Why not just have the sabers spark on their own when you're not hitting anything? Even better you can set the saber hilt on the ground and it'll shoot out colored blasts like a roman candle while your character puts on an old straw hat and sings Yankee Doodle Dandy while dancing an Irish Jig and doing that stupid Pee Wee Herman laugh. Congrats Raven, you suck.

7) You were the bomb in Heretic 2 Raven, but by releasing this ungodly patch you've turned the best melee combat game into Swingfest 2002 with optional clothing and extra lube. This doesn't point out anything specifically wrong with the patch, but I just had to remind you that you suck, Raven.

8) Winning a duel has now been de-evolved to Dungeons and Dragons "throw the dice and hope you get a higher number" mentality. Why not just have a Marlon Wayans bot that runs around backwards trying to backwards stab you while shouting "DEEEUUUM, YOU GO GIRL...MAH-IIIN!" over and over until he inevitably gets stuck in one of those glitches that all the bots have where they just run up to a ledge and keep jumping but never seem to get on top of it...but damned if they won't keep trying! Of course you're halfway there since all of the bots just backpedal for hours on end anyway, moonwalking their way out of the arena and usually into a corner where they get stuck and then switch to MC Hammer's running man. This would have been fine if only you included Hammer's "Too Legit To Quit" track. Or at the very least Tag Team's "Whoomp There It Is". Heck, even the Addams Family version of that song. Congrats Raven, you suck.

This post may be classified as a "whine" the same way complaints about Daikatana as just "whining". Personally I don't give a crusty anus about that. I only hope and pray to Apollo that Raven never handles another Star Wars title ever again for fear that they will "fix" it by replacing sabers with batons and "mix it up" by having Burt Ward say "Holy bubble breasted crack whore Vaderman!!" every time Luke ends a cheer with a flash of his panties.

Oh and for Patch number 1.04 how about having a hand come out of my disk drive and light Jedi Outcast on fire to the Imperial March remixed with any Aaron Carter song. My advice: go back to adding realism to shooting off a man's left testicle in Soldier of Fortune 2 - Return of the Suck.

To think I respected you for Heretic 2. Congrats Raven, you suck.


P.S. - There was one good thing about the patch - those nifty icons on the server select screen where it says "No Force" but you go in there and people are still using Force. You totally got me on that one! Didn't see it coming! You must have used Mind Trick! Congrats Raven, you suck.

P.P.S. - If anyone wants to know, my name in the multi servers is Kiki. You'll know its me if I'm running backwards all over the place trying to backwards stab everyone.

Kyth'emos
05-12-2002, 07:06 PM
get a life

San'en
05-12-2002, 07:07 PM
:violin:

sanpilou
05-12-2002, 07:09 PM
lame

Zek
05-12-2002, 07:20 PM
:violin:

Darkprophet
05-12-2002, 07:29 PM
Thats all u have to say? why not chant your butt dart fighting song and dance number ? if I remember the first verse goes a little something like this:

"When the mulitplay really sucked and the AI is really ****
ADAPT!! thats right adapt!
When sabre control lacks control and medium stance is really droll
ADAPT!! thats right adapt!
When raven commands "bend over!" and sticks it to u like a horny lover
ADAPT!! thats right adapt!"

(followed by the MODS and the but dart concerto holding hands and kicking high to a broadway musical singing "OH RAVEN CAN'T BE WRONG, CAUSE THEY WROTE THIS SONG....AAAADAAAAAAAAAAPT!!" and closes with Kenn Hokestra giving a thumbs up while shooting a man's anus off for "reasearch" for SOF 3: When children attack)

Zek
05-12-2002, 07:44 PM
Because you aren't worth the effort. Your inane arguments defy logic.

Darkprophet
05-12-2002, 07:59 PM
Its that good?

waxdart
05-12-2002, 08:08 PM
Golly it's tiring having to see that post reposted and reposted time and again. Zero Jedi must feel awfully proud of himself by now.

I can't imagine that original post being made for anything other than entertainment purposes, though. It's certainly funny, but he (and everyone else) will find that developers respond far better to measured, thoughtful and factually substantiated criticism, not vaguely inflammatory hyperbole.

Which is not to say the guy doesn't have any valid points -- there are a few. Just that a bit of careful re-wording would express them leagues better.

Vorax
05-12-2002, 08:14 PM
That's a great post!! Very funny!

Unless of course you are serious.

I feel kinda bad for people that have difficulty with hand-eye coordination memory response adjustment, making it difficult or even impossible for them to modify a learned behavior. Small changes to things they have learned can be extremely difficult for them to adjust to. Often leading to feelings of anger and frustration. To them, it's like learning a second language, where to most people it's like learning a new phrase. Animals with this problem do not survive in nature. Predators can not catch food, and gatherers can not find it. It is a weeding out of the weaker and less equiped. Those unable to handle their roles within their given ecosystem.

You guys shouldn't be so hard on him. It may not be his fault. Some people really do have intellectual and mental problems. It is quite aparent he is of lower then average IQ and perhaps has suffered a cranial trauma. It could happen to any of us. A car accident, a fall... Give him a break.

On the other hand, it could just be that this is a kid having a temper tantrum cuz he sux!

- Vorax

waxdart
05-12-2002, 08:17 PM
[spews milk from nose]

geronimo27
05-12-2002, 08:34 PM
I very much dislike the 1.03 patch, however what I hate even more is to have a post in another threa quoted and used to begin a new thread.

You are causing an eye sore in these forums, not to mention giving a bad name to those who like 1.02 more than 1.03.

Darkprophet
05-12-2002, 08:47 PM
Awwww an eye sore? Sorry to perturb your delicate nature. Winny the pooh is on if u like, but wait piglet has a red shirt on it maybe too much of an EYE SORE for you.

LOL, hand eye coordination is needed for running backwards and stabbing vorax? Thats so insightful , I suppose great reflexes are needed for disposing of feces? or better yet excellent timing to comb hair? Maybe great concentration to chew gum and walk?

I guess I shouldn't mock u really. U could be one of those guys that labels games like foozball and battleship as "extreme" and maybe just maybe for excitement play as black in chess. My oh my u must be one exciting individual, sort of a cross between Adam West and the fresh prince of belair, the kind of suave guy that says "shaken not stirred" when ordering a latte and laughing loudly at his own "joke", the very smooth individual who "impresses" women by telling them that papyrus could very well been the first form of toilet paper. My hats off to u Agent Vorax, your plaid underwear is the very definition of excitement.

Vorax
05-12-2002, 09:13 PM
Originally posted by Darkprophet
LOL hand eye coordination is needed for running backwards and stabbing vorax? my oh my, I suppose great reflexes are needed for disposing of feces? or better yet excellent timing to comb hair?


I have never used that move myself, that's a good way to get killed by a good player. If you can't beat someone running at you backwards, you truly do suck. I guess my original concern was correct. Your problem isn't the patch. The problem is sitting 12 inches from the keyboard.


I guess I shouldn't mock u really. U could be one of those guys that plays "extreme" sports like foozball and battleship and maybe just maybe for excitement play as black in chess. My oh my u must be one exciting individual, sort of a cross between Adam West and the fresh prince of belair, the kind of suave guy that says "shaken not stirred" when ordering a latte and laughing loudly at his own "joke". My hats off to u Agent Vorax, your plaid underwear is the very definition of excitement. [/B]

Was this some kinda insult? Oh...I see, you were attempting to match my wit. Impressive. You told me. I am so hurt now. Oh wait...nope...it was indigestion.

My advice to you: While progressing through these delicate teen years, try to remember to be polite, think before you speak, and never get in an argument with someone smarter then you. In other words...stop, look at who you are talking to, if they have apposable thumbs...shut up.

- Vorax

Darkprophet
05-12-2002, 09:38 PM
I guess my original concern was correct


I thought your orginal concern was thinking up "witty" comments, which u never delivered I am disapointed vorax, 63 years older and still no form of intelligence budding. I weep for your lost years as a hotdog vender/mulch quality control officer.

Was this some kinda insult? Oh...I see, you were attempting to match my wit. Impressive.

In order to match your "wit" which is impressivly as sharp as condors egg, would involve me beating a toddler with a cricket bat and then kicking it in the face with asteel toed work boot and then quickly posting the garbled sentences that it utters in a vain attempt to hold its mishapen skull in place and since I lack a cricket bat i'm afraid I can not comply.

My advice to you: While progressing through these delicate teen years, try to remember to be polite, think before you speak, and never get in an argument with someone smarter then you. In other words...stop, look at who you are talking to, if they have apposable thumbs...shut up.

I'm sorry Vorax during your teen years flint lock muskets and calling your father "Paw" were the latest trends thus your comments on teenage years are at loss to me, I do apologise. But do try again with the advice, infact heres a wacky idea...Try it yourself!!! Wouldn't that be exciting? Old Vorax could actually attempt to squeeze out a single thought devoid of stupidity and teen porn (assume its teen porn since u seem so into teen ways for a man of your age that is), the idea is novel and some may say ridiculous, yet I have hope for you Vorax, don't let me down old boy, GO TEAM!

Demise_SOK
05-12-2002, 09:38 PM
Exellent post.

Trahern Valley
05-12-2002, 09:49 PM
I sense a disturbance in the force...and it's padlock-shaped.

Well, unless you stop insulting each other, and get back to the point. Which is the same as so many other threads, which I can usually avoid because the topic is clearly stated from the start...

Vorax
05-12-2002, 10:08 PM
I had posted other stuff here, but removed it to focus you on the bottom part of this message.

[B]
In order to match your "wit" which is impressivly as sharp as condors egg, would involve me beating a toddler with a cricket bat and then kicking it in the face with asteel toed work boot and then quickly posting the garbled sentences that it utters in a vain attempt to hold its mishapen skull in place and since I lack a cricket bat i'm afraid I can not comply.
[B]

Look kid, you now have crossed a line from just plain old stupid into a variety of social and mental disorders. Most individuals with problems such as yours eventually end up in jail...Typically from crimes carrying penalties from 10-life. I am not kidding around anymore, please seek help. Just attempting to make a joke like that speaks volumes about your mental state and social maladjustment.

I will continue this post no further. Again, I stress, seek help.

Moderator, please ban this guy, close this thread and delete it. There are children reading this stuff. While your at it, keep his IP. It may be valuable in court some day.

- Vorax

Darkprophet
05-12-2002, 10:32 PM
Thats it Vorax? Thats the final super ultra combo move of your wit? Damn it man I had faith in you!! FAITH!! now my outlook is more jaded, more bitter. Went down to sub par name calling and the ultimate plea to mods? For shame V man, for shame.

Vorax
05-12-2002, 10:34 PM
Whatever...I was serious.

- Vorax

Darkprophet
05-12-2002, 10:38 PM
I know and thats what cracks me up.

icefox98
05-12-2002, 10:59 PM
Darkprophet - when I started to read your post, I thought it to be some-what funny, and comical. (Even had some good points.) Then, it went on. And on. And on. It seems that your hatred for a video game has fueled you to write a long, drawn out post such as this. Do you really think people care? Why put so much time in monitoring your thread, posting many a reply to combat other peoples "wit" as you call it, and trying to sound witty yourself. If you hate this game so much, why post a message like that on a lucas forum? Not one single person cares about your opinion. Your obvious dedication to bashing a game on a public forum where not one single action on improving this game you are obviously obsessed with will happen from your rants, is comical, but yet pathetic. I can see you are good with long drawn out analogies, most of the time involving "anuses" and such, can maybe put to some good use. Oh wait, it can't. Don't bother posting a reply, trust me, I won't be "monitoring" this forum like some pathetic form of like with an inferiority complex as yourself. I have a life. And I think I'll go live it, instead of dissing a game with many an anal refrence.

Toodles,

Rosco.

Vorax
05-12-2002, 11:03 PM
I no longer feel the urge to verbally spar with you. I feel that you have shown everyone here who and what you are...I couldn't have said it better myself. Draw your own conclusions on what others may think.

They say that internet trolls are typically guys that in real life feel very little control over their lives and social situtiation. They tend to be white, age 13-30. They generally have a low self-esteem. They use the internet chat rooms and forums as a place to seek out arguments because they are shielded by annonimity. This is empowering to them and gives them satisfaction that they can rarely get in the offline world. They tend to have few friends, and perform poorly in social situations involving groups. They often fail in attracting the opposite sex due to mostly the above reasons. Relationships tend to be short and ended by the other partner.

Am I bashing you, no...I am just giving you a bit of background on internet trolls. You make the comparisons to yourself.

Feel free to bash me all you like, I won't be reading this thread again.

- Vorax