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Ansible
07-17-2002, 03:51 AM
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough
Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this ! because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Elegy
07-17-2002, 04:06 AM
Originally posted by Ansible
On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
:eyeraise: :eyeraise: :eyeraise: :eyeraise:

obi
07-17-2002, 04:06 AM
You forgot "This bag is not a toy."

whitedragon
07-17-2002, 04:10 AM
how long did it take you to figure that out

Kyth'emos
07-17-2002, 04:12 AM
:D :rofl: :D

I don't think I have seen any of those before actually to.

Mercen4ry
07-17-2002, 04:12 AM
I would like to think half of these "Idiot-Proof" labels are made to combat stupidity, but they really aren't, sadly.

Instead, they're out there to combat law suits. Remember the l'il old lady that spilled coffee on her lap only to win $32 million in court because it didn't say "Warning: Contents may be HOT!" on the cup or other packaging?

Right. Sorry to rain on your parade this time, but it's a simple fact. IMO, this is more of an "Only in America" bit than anything else. :rolleyes:

... Although the Swedish one was just out of stupidity, if I recall. It was on Jay Leno's "Headlines" the other night.... :rolleyes:

Clem
07-17-2002, 04:15 AM
we used to have tesco sparkling mineral water that had "suitable for vegetarians" on it

i KNEW they filtered their normal water thru RAW MEAT!! :)

lol u lot are behind i saw this 1 and "only in america" months ago

whitedragon
07-17-2002, 04:18 AM
"hey bob the chain saw wont stop." "well just stick your dick in it....idiot"

NerfYoda
07-17-2002, 04:29 AM
Originally posted by Mercen4ry
Remember the l'il old lady that spilled coffee on her lap only to win $32 million in court because it didn't say "Warning: Contents may be HOT!" on the cup or other packaging?

Alot of ppl bash the case w/o knowing alot about it. That old lady got 2nd & 3rd degree burns from coffee. That's why she sued McDonalds. She won because McDonalds brews their coffee too damn hot.

One label I do find funny from there is the warning on the ice cream cups saying "Caution: May contain peanuts." I can understand if someone is allergic to peanuts, but wouldn't there be peanuts in your ice cream only if you ordered them? Sheesh. :rolleyes:

whitedragon
07-17-2002, 04:34 AM
another one is "when your wife goes into labor do not have sex"
what worrys me is that somebody probly already did it :confused:

WolfmanNCSU
07-17-2002, 04:35 AM
THAT'S THE FUNNIEST THING I READ TODAY

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Thanks!!

Darth Knight
07-17-2002, 05:42 AM
Originally posted by NerfYoda


Alot of ppl bash the case w/o knowing alot about it. That old lady got 2nd & 3rd degree burns from coffee. That's why she sued McDonalds. She won because McDonalds brews their coffee too damn hot.

One label I do find funny from there is the warning on the ice cream cups saying "Caution: May contain peanuts." I can understand if someone is allergic to peanuts, but wouldn't there be peanuts in your ice cream only if you ordered them? Sheesh. :rolleyes:

i don't remember there being coffe being cold she knew it would be hot it is her fault she spilt it not mc'donalds casue she is clumsy she gets few million ok i may see paying for the bill or soemthing but people get greedy

Darth-Nasty
07-17-2002, 05:53 AM
Originally posted by Ansible
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

oh yeah i knew that!


note to self: send back superman costume

Darth Knight
07-17-2002, 05:57 AM
Originally posted by Ansible
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)


darn i was wondering what i was doing wrong

Divine Spirit
07-17-2002, 06:19 AM
Im such a list-a-maniac! :D

Product Warnings:

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

"Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

"Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.


Assurances:

"Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.


Small Print From Commercials:

"Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.

"Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.

"Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.

"For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.


Signs and Notices:

"No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere.

"Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

"These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church.

"All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

"Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine.

"Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic.

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos.

"Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box.

"Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement.

"No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer.


Safety Procedures:

"Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.

"In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.


Ingredients:

"Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns.

"100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater.

"Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case.
Materials:
Covering: 100% Unknown.
Stuffing: 100% Unknown."
-- On a pillow.



Instructions:

"Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.

"Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills.

"Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.

"Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.

"Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

"Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.

"Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner.

"Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits.

"In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual.

"Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.

"The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle.


Requirements:

"Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package

Mercen4ry
07-17-2002, 06:28 AM
Divine Spirit, I have three words for you:

GET A LIFE!

J/k, but that was just waiting to be said. :D

Divine Spirit
07-17-2002, 08:53 AM
Originally posted by Mercen4ry
Divine Spirit, I have three words for you:

GET A LIFE!

J/k, but that was just waiting to be said. :D

Mercen4ry, if you thought i actually typed all of that I have three words for you:

GET A BRAIN!

J/k, but that was just waiting to be said. :D

Breton
07-17-2002, 09:03 AM
On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Typical swedish.

whitedragon
07-17-2002, 09:31 AM
Originally posted by JM Qui-Gon Jinn


Typical swedish.
what worrys me is that someone probly did it

Camus
07-17-2002, 09:32 AM
Originally posted by whitedragon

what worrys me is that someone probly did it

If you can talk someone into putting a condom over there head im sure you can find someone just a little dumber to put a moving blade to there nuts...

obi
07-17-2002, 10:02 AM
Am I the only one who thinks "This bag is not a toy" stupid?

I can see it now. A father buys his son a $200 XBOX, and he immidiately starts playing with the bag it came in.......

whitedragon
07-17-2002, 10:05 AM
Originally posted by obi-wan13
Am I the only one who thinks "This bag is not a toy" stupid?

I can see it now. A father buys his son a $200 XBOX, and he immidiately starts playing with the bag it came in.......
or the box :confused: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Darth Knight
07-17-2002, 10:24 AM
LOL that swedish thing is so funny i mean just imagine it who would actually be that stpid but you know some one did do it AH HA HA HA

whitedragon
07-17-2002, 10:27 AM
Originally posted by Darth Knight
LOL that swedish thing is so funny i mean just imagine it who would actually be that stpid but you know some one did do it AH HA HA HA
*WARNING DO NOT STOP CHAIN SAW WITH YOUR DICK*

Kit fisto JK
07-17-2002, 10:27 AM
Originally posted by whitedragon

or the box :confused: :eek: :eek: :eek:

babies play with boxs all the time

Clem
07-17-2002, 10:28 AM
balls of steel .... thats all i have to say

whitedragon
07-17-2002, 10:33 AM
Originally posted by Darth Clem
balls of steel .... thats all i have to say
it makes me hurt just thinking about it

Clem
07-17-2002, 10:35 AM
albeit only attached for a short period of time

eben15
07-17-2002, 10:46 AM
Alot of ppl bash the case w/o knowing alot about it. That old lady got 2nd & 3rd degree burns from coffee. That's why she sued McDonalds. She won because McDonalds brews their coffee too damn hot.

McDonalds, was able to be sued because they had been warned about the temp of their coffee a few times before and they did nothing, the people that regulate that kind of thing just wanted to make an example of McDs. It really had nothing to do with the old bitch. Also, McDs, won an appeal and the old lady only got a few thousand dollars. If I wouldn't stick me genitals in a chainsaw why would I want to place the boys under a cup of very hot coffee?

One of the best examples of stupid warnings recently was that ad for I think it was hyndai, the one were the car goes to the concert and crowd surfs. The warning reads "Dont drive on people". Oh. Ok. I wont. stupid.:freakout:

SharaFett
07-18-2002, 12:03 AM
On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

LOL now THIS is a quality thread!

Darth Talliusc
07-18-2002, 04:39 AM
my internet service providers help booklet "if you are experiencing trouble connecting to the internet then please see our website for details" ........... it took me 7 hours on the phone listening to crappy elevator music just to hear some loser at the other end tell me that the weather caused a pole to fall over and they are working on it.

and did you know that in my hometown mcdonalds took smiles off the menu because we kept asking for that and nothing else? its true.

Kstar__2
07-18-2002, 05:07 AM
i read it today:

on a sprayer:

remove lid before usage (so that was what i was doing wrong!)

damn people are stupid (sometimes)

Mercen4ry
07-18-2002, 05:18 AM
Originally posted by Divine Spirit


Mercen4ry, if you thought i actually typed all of that I have three words for you:

GET A BRAIN!

J/k, but that was just waiting to be said. :D

Typed the whole list? Nah... unless you had that whole list from an e-mail or something, though, putting that whole thing together looks like it took time... :rolleyes:

And the whole McDonald's coffee thing is just too funny; I was just trying to provide an example of where corporate stupidity leads to lawsuits, which is why many of those warning labels came to be....

... the peanuts one, for example. Yep, it looks totally stupid that they need to list "Warning: Product contains nuts," but given some people have alergies nuts....... ummm.....

I take that back. Warning labels are caused by consumer stupidity. That's why these lawsuits came into being which then leads to the warning labels....

Maybe that's why the Swedish one scares me so.... anyone up for the Darwin Awards? :rolleyes:

Darth Talliusc
07-18-2002, 06:03 AM
lol, i love the darwin awards they rock. and for any of you who dont know what the darwin awards are, allow me to explain: The Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it in really stupid ways.

in other words, people that are so stupid that they kill themselves or remove their ability to reproduce by doing braindead moronic things, also near death incidinces will qualify as "honorable mentions" ill post one example

(30 December 2000, Missouri) A Kansas City police officer was in the Flamingo bar, waiting to see some friends play in a band. He had only just arrived when a man ran into the bar and announced that he'd been robbed in the parking lot, and so had another man!

The officer elicited the details, called for backup, and rushed outside, assuming the villian would be long gone. To his surprise, the suspect was still sitting in the pickup truck he had just car-jacked. The officer approached the man, coincidentally named Shields, with his gun and HIS shield drawn for identification.

It turned out that Mr. Shields had car-jacked a pickup with a manual transmission, but he didn?t know how to drive a stick shift. He tried to flee, but the grinding of gears indicated that he was having trouble putting the pickup into reverse. The officer pulled the incompetent criminal from the immobile car.

Mr. Shields challenged the cop to a gun fight? and was quickly dispatched by five rounds fired by the officer. A check of the perpetrator?s gun revealed it was fully loaded, except for the most important round? the one in the chamber.

The morals of the story are: If you are going to steal a car, know how to drive a stick shift; and if you are going to challenge a police officer to a duel, make sure to load your weapon

if you appreciate the darwin awards as much as i do then please visit their website and enjoy =)