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Boba Rhett
03-15-2002, 03:05 AM
That's right! The second contest is upon us and it comes to us in the form of a story thread like the famous LotS story. :D Here are the the rules and misc info.


1. The story will be a comedy. Every type of humor you can think of is ok to be used in the story as long as it doesn't go against the forum rules. ;) I'd like it to end up being along the lines of Dumb & Dumber/National Lampoon's/Animal House comedy.


2. A loose premise of the story is as follows,

I am on the east coast and I'm on my way to rent a bus. I'm renting the bus because I'm planning on spending the next week driving around the country, picking up fellow forum members, "you guys" so we can all attend a huge One Year Anniversary party on the west coast, somewhere in California.

Make everything that can be made funny, funny. Interactions with strangers such as the rental guys, weird forummer habits in the bus :D, strange sighting, bathroom stops, rest breaks, falling asleep at the wheel, everything you can think of! When the story is finished the funniest chapter(s) will be voted upon and a winner(s) will be chosen. I'd like it to contain at least 25 chapters. So get to writing people! :)

P.S. You may write multiple chapters for the story! Just not in successive order. "not one after the other"


3. Each person to participate adds one chapter to the story at a time. A chapter being of at least 450 words in length and no longer than 1700 words. "give or take a few words ;)"


Get all that? Good. :rhett:


Ready? Set? Go!

Tie Guy
03-15-2002, 04:56 AM
Well, we need to work out an order because of the length it may take to wirte a chapter. If you just sit down and type it whenever then someone may post before you and then you've wasted your entire time with that chapter.

Havoc Stryphe
03-15-2002, 04:59 AM
Exactly what I was thinking, Tie!

So everybody who wants to write a chapter please respond. And then Rhett can post an order for the chapters. That way nobody gets flubbed up.

Boba Rhett
03-15-2002, 05:03 AM
Well let's get this ball rolling. You two want to do the first two chapters?


Who wants the task of kicking this thing off? :D


Looks like you get the honor, Havoc. :D

Hevayarms, nothing "life ending" or terrible sad can happen in the story! :D


BTW, all new posts are on page 12.

Heavyarms
03-15-2002, 05:03 AM
I want to write one! I want to have the chapter where someone gets shot by accident, or something close to it!

Tie Guy
03-15-2002, 05:04 AM
I'll take the second :D

WolfmanNCSU
03-15-2002, 05:15 AM
How long does a chapter have to be? I am not much of an author.


--EDIT--

Maybe I should have read the end of the first post, duhhhhhhh

Oh well, but I would like to contribute a scene.....

Rhett: I am looking forward to this trip coming up!
Someone Else: Nervious any?
Rhett: Yeah, a little.
Someone Else: First time?
Rhett: No, I have been nervious before.

Boba Rhett
03-15-2002, 05:21 AM
*points at Number 3 in first post* :D



BTW, NOBODY DELETE THEIR POSTS FOR ANY REASON IN ANY THREAD UNTIL THE FORUMS ARE FIXED. thank you. :)

Wraith 5
03-15-2002, 05:55 AM
May i sugguest that who ever writes a chpater brings in one new forumer, and that the new forumer is the person to write the next chapter?

That way you don't have to make up the whole order right at the begining...

Boba Rhett
03-15-2002, 06:19 AM
It'll never get finished if we do it like that.


Havoc, you there? You writing the first chapter? Somebody post the first chapter! :D

Havoc Stryphe
03-15-2002, 07:46 AM
Okay, here it goes!

Chapter One

It was a beautiful day in suburbia Philadelphia. A gentle breeze seemed to play tag with the leaves as the sunlight cast it's warmth on everything from the green lawns to the Pink Flamingo lawn ornaments outside Rhett's house. At first glance, Rhett seemed like your typical, average, red-blooded male. But that was the first glance. After that, it was apparent the only truth to that was the red-blooded part. Of course that was still only speculation.

Inside Rhett's bedroom, the golden silence was disturbed suddenly by the sound of RD-D2 beeping and whistling madly. A somewhat perturbed, Rhett, finally stirred, reached up and promptly swatted the plastic droid. Sending it careening into the bedroom wall and shattering the alarm clock into a dozen pieces.

"Aww crap! That's the tenth one this month!" cried a still half-asleep, Rhett.

"Why don't you get an normal alarm clock like everybody else?" a voice asked from next to him.

Rhett leaped out of bed, too startled to show any signs of grogginess, "Ahh! Where'd you...How'd you...What the..?"

"Don't you remember, baby, at the Star Wars convention last night?", the unknown female asked as she began to sit up, "You seemed pretty enthusiastic last night!", she finished as she turned to face Rhett.

It took everything Rhett had not to hurl as he saw the woman's face, "Um...well...I don't remember you at all", he managed to get out, "And I think I would remember a face like that!" Rhett added under his breath.

"Well, maybe this will jog your memory, baby", the woman said as she held up a Gold, metal bikini ala Leia in Return of the Jedi.

"Damn, the Golden bikini. It never fails, a few drinks and I get delusions of grandeur!", Rhett replied as he backed away and tripped over his toy lightsaber and fell onto the floor. "what the hell is this doing on the floor?", he asked as he grabbed the lightsaber.

"Ooh, are you going to use that again like you did last night?" the woman asked sensuously, making her way over to where Rhett was sitting on the floor.

"um, would you excuse me, for a minute", Rhett quickly yelled over his shoulder as he leaped up, grabbed a pair of pants and bolted from the room, slamming the door behind him. Of course, not before grabbing the Gold bikini from the startled woman. Ignoring the "Hey where are you going?" from his female guest, he slammed the door still fighting back his gagging reflex.

Rhett quickly raced down the stairs and glanced at the clock on the wall. "NOON! I didn't even get to sleep in!", cried a disgusted Rhett as he made his way out the front door. Stopping for a second to open the closet door and toss the newly acquired golden bikini onto a pile of at least another dozen gold, metal bikinis.

Once outside, Rhett was greeted by his neighbor, Mr. Viper. who wasted no time with morning pleasantries, "Rhett, you've gone too far this time!", the man said angrily.

"What now, Mr. Viper?", Rhett asked already dreading the answer.

"Your dog was in my trash again!", The neighbor yelled.

"What!? Eets? How do you even know it was him?" Rhett asked.

"It was him alright! He was wearing that stupid Wooly Mammoth get-up!", replied the angry neighbor.

"It's not a wooly mammoth it's a Bantha, and besides how bad could it be?", Rhett asked hoping for the best.

Mr. Viper quickly dashed those hopes as he answered, "He scattered it all over my front porch!". The angry man was now in Rhett's face.

Already under enough stress, Rhett finally snapped, "So what you're saying is your front porch now matches the rest of your house?"

Rhett couldn't help but smile as Mr. Viper fumbled for something to come back with. Rhett continued, "Well, I'm sure we'll having more of these lovely morning chats of ours, and since I'm late..."

Mr. Viper could only stare as Rhett ran to his car, a 1974 El Camino with a license plate that read: "JED-EYE". Rhett turned the key, and after a few black clouds of smoke the engine roared to life. He quickly backed in to the street, but not before taking out Mr. Viper's trash cans at the curb.

Suddenly, the car stopped in the middle of the street and the car door opened. Within seconds a tiny Chihuahua wearing large curved horns a dark hairy cape that nearly covered his whole body, came from behind the house running at top speed, and carrying a newspaper.

As Eets, leaped into the car with Rhett, Mr. Viper protested loudly, "Hey, that's my newspaper!" Rhett quickly dropped the transmission into drive, and after a couple loud backfires, took off down the road towards downtown Philly. Leaving both a black trail of smoke AND a flabbergasted Mr. Viper coughing and gagging in the lawn.

And as Rhett's car pulled from view, Rhett's front door opened revealing a hideous woman wearing nothing but a towel, who promptly yelled down the street, "Hey, come back here, I wasn't finished with your Jedi training!" She then turned to see Mr. Viper standing in the lawn. Seeing her next possible padawan she asked in her most sexy voice, "What about you? Can I see your lightsaber?"

Mr. Viper suddenly forgot all about Rhett as a his grimace was replaced with a grin from ear to ear.

........

Wraith 5
07-24-2002, 01:14 PM
Havoc that was great!!!


Well i can see i won't be writing any chapters to this story, i'm not any where near that funny!

Tie Guy
07-24-2002, 01:42 PM
Originally posted by Wraith 5
Havoc that was great!!!


Well i can see i won't be writing any chapters to this story, i'm not any where near that funny!

You should try anyways. Besides, its not really fair, he's a writer...well....sorta.

Anyways, i'll do the next one, it will be up a little later. Got a tennis match at 2:00 eatern, but if i can get it done before then then it will be up. If not, i'll post it after that.

Ok, here it is, i didn't proof read it but you should be able to understand most of it. :D

As rhett raced down the highway in his El Camino the brunt of his situation hit him like a rock. No wait, that was a telephone pole. In his confusion he had driven off the side of the rode and right into the pole. "Crap!" He yelled as he pulled himself from the burning wreckage, "I gotta stop doing that." Rhett took a minute to ponder his next move, and then suddenly everything came back to him. He remembered last night clearly now and for a second he dashed off, running back to his house, but then he forced himself to turn around as he remembered with a sigh that he had to go to work. He started trudging off down the highway, lost, forgotten, and really having to pee.

Finally, he arrived at the nuclear power plant. He checked his watch and then sprinted to the entrancce as he noticed he would be late. When he reached his post, his boss was already waiting for him, and he didn't look happy. "Mr. Paterson, as you know i've been watching you for some time now. This company has rules and regulations, and those regulations must be followed. This company relies on all of its employees to operate, and one an employee fails, the company fails. Now, this is 5th time this week you've been late, and if our janitor isn't here then the company cannot function. Now, Mr. Paterson, you leave me without a choice. I regret to inform you that we are going to have burn you alive."

"What?!" Rhett exclaimed, practically jumping out his pants. At first Rhett thought he was teasing, but then he saw the imposing looking scientists in white jackets surrounding him and he knew this was no joke. "Look! Over there! Is that a electron microscope!" This time the scientists almost jumped out of there pants as they immediately turned to see. Rhett, taking advantage of the confusion, bolted for the door. Unfortunately, the door was also bolted, and rhett ran smack into it with a loud thump. Rhett, never one for painful deaths, immediately got up, unlocked the door and ran out side.

Realizing he had nowhere to go, and furthermore, no way to get there he began to panick. And then, as he scanned the horizen, he saw it, his salvation. He ran to it, and it was not long before he arrived, kissing the sign that read what seemed like gospel to him at the time, "Bus Rental Station"

Rhett forced himself to calm down, but inside his mind he was conceiving a master plan, one worthy of the greatest minds of the generation. He muttered to himself as he thought, "Yes, i'll go on a tour of America....hmm....and maybe Canada, picking up all the entire forum as i go. And then, when i finally have everyone we can head to the Lucasarts headquarters and have a huge anniversary party! It's perfect!" Filled with new-found hope and excitement, Rhett marched stright into the office. striding confindently. But alas, all was not well. No sooner had Rhett taken his first step than when a foot, protuding curiously into the aisle, reached out and grabbed Rhett's shin. Rhett tumbled with a mighty cry and soon found himslef sprawled out on the cool tile floor of the office. "Hey, you idiot, watch where you put that thing!" he yelled at the man without looking. But when he turned around to see who it was his anger fled and was replaced with something else Rhett couldn't quite put his finger on. "Hey, i haven't seen you in forever, how ya been?"

It was Dash Rendar! "I've been doing well, but you look like you've had a hard day."

"You might say that. First i had to get up early, then my neighbor practically wanted to kill my dog, and then i ran into a frickin telephone pole.." Rhett explained.

"That sounds pretty bad..." Dash responded.

"That's not it. Then i went to work and my boss tried to kill me..."

"Again?"

"Yeah, but now i've got a great idea. I'm gonna go all over the country picking up forummers to go to an anniversary party in California. Wanna come?" Rhett asked.

"I guess there will be cheese at this party, so count me in."

"Ok, great, but first we gotta rent a bus, which is why i'm at this here bus rental station."

Havoc Stryphe
07-25-2002, 02:30 PM
Originally posted by Wraith 5
Havoc that was great!!!


Well i can see i won't be writing any chapters to this story, i'm not any where near that funny!

Thanks! ;)

But seriously, Wraith, you should write a chapter. You have already shown great creativity when you were brainstorming the ending to LotS with me. If you can do drama, you can do comedy. There is but a fine line between dramatic and Comedic. I think you should try! You'll do great! :D

Wraith 5
07-25-2002, 02:54 PM
ok i guess i could give it a try, but i am warning you i am not very good at comedy.


so who is next?

Havoc Stryphe
07-25-2002, 03:06 PM
I don't know who's next, Wraith! It's either you, Wolfman or Heavyarms. :confused:

Someone say they got it! :p

By the way, Nice chapter, Tie! And so this road party begins! :D

Wraith 5
07-25-2002, 03:11 PM
Well i am working on a web page for class right now so i really can't take time to write something right now. (I have to do really go on this web page, my whole college carrier, if that is what you would call it , is counting on how well i do in this class)

Darth Homer
07-25-2002, 06:00 PM
love it so far guys, I'm in South Carolina, so i guess I'll be picked up somewhere near the begining of the story (along with Wolfman and others in NC)? :D :thmbup1:

Artoo
07-25-2002, 06:15 PM
Hehehehehe, I only got 2 ideas, those fall in Arkansas and New York. :D

I don't want the next chapter, I just want one down the road, literally. :D

Good chapters all 3 of you!

WolfmanNCSU
07-25-2002, 06:58 PM
I liked the Nuclear Plant part, but that's because that is where I work (and no, I dont glow green.....except in the dark)

Boba Rhett
07-25-2002, 08:16 PM
If anyone wants to write a chapter, just post saying that your doing the next one! Anyone! :) If the sotry get's stuck somewhere, I'll post a chapter.

Artoo
07-25-2002, 10:44 PM
OK guys, I've been inspired to write the next chapter. Hopefully you can read it later tonight. :)

Clefo
07-25-2002, 11:41 PM
Originally posted by Artoo
OK guys, I've been inspired to write the next chapter. Hopefully you can read it later tonight. :)

Since Artoo is a whore to the mainstream and didn't like my helpful suggestions for the story, I claim the next chapter

Artoo
07-26-2002, 01:05 AM
OK Mr. posessed by an avant grade artist. It's your turn. Let's see a chapter in about 12 hours or the buck needs to be passed!

Artoo
07-26-2002, 02:19 AM
Chapter 3: The Bus Station

“There’s only one problem with this plan,” said Rhett, “I don’t have any money. Today was payday and I couldn’t collect my paycheck.”

“Money’s no problem,” said Dash as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out what looked to be a crumpled check. “I just got my unemployment check. God bless the U.S.A. Everybody’s watching out for us lazy people,” He said as he held the check out to Rhett. “You can use it as long as you promise there will be cheese at this ‘party’ you are planning.”

“I can guarantee that there will be cheese there,” said Rhett as he took the check. He helped Dash up and they both went to the desk to check the prices. “How much is it for your finest, most luxurious, cheapest bus?” asked Rhett. The desk clerk looked at him and his companion’s appearance, and casually quoted a price that would’ve eaten up not only Rhett’s check he held but the hand that he held it in also. Rhett managed to hold his composure despite the astronomical price just given him. “How much will this get me without driver?” he asked as he handed the clerk his check.

The clerk smiled and said, “Let me show you what we have for your… price range,” as he led them outside to where a row of buses were parked.

Rhett and Dash were amazed at the titan of a bus they saw in front of them. “Is that our bus?” Rhett asked, looking at the license plate that said 2MUCH$.

“Good Lord no,” said the clerk as the bus drove away.

Behind it was a considerably smaller but still very luxurious looking bus with the license plate RIDINHI. “Is that our bus?” Rhett asked again.

“You must be joking, of course not,” said the clerk as this bus also drove away.

Behind it were three top of the line passenger vans each on with the license plate saying NOBUS4U. “Is one of those ours?” asked Rhett hopefully.

“I’mthinkiiiiiiiing… no.” said the clerk once again as the vans proudly rode one by one away out of the parking lot.

Behind the vans was an old rusting VW with 3 wheels and a large cinder block where the fourth one should have been, and a license plate that read CHEAPA$$.

“Is that one ours?” Rhett asked with disdain.

“If you can afford the engine,” said the clerk. Let me introduce you to him. “Here Yeager!” A blur shot right around the side of the building that was heading straight for Dash at what could only be described as the speed of sound. When it looked like all was lost and Dash would never be able to taste cheese again, the blur came to an immediate halt and it could clearly be identified as a horse. “We call him Mr. Yeager in honor of…”

“Chuck Yeager the first man to break the sound barrier?” interjected Dash.

“Nonononono. He was named in honor of Ernie Yeager.”

“Who the hell is that?” asked Dash.

“He was the owner of the glue factory where this little guy is headed once he isn’t useful anymore,” said the clerk. “And the good news is that there is no charge for using Yeager because he is a test subject of CemCo.”

“Who the hell is that?” interjected Rhett.

“They’re a subsidiary of Little Debbie.”

“Well it looks like a sturdy horse,” said Rhett. “Are you kidding?” Dash intervened, “This is the greatest horse ever!” He proceeded to slap the horse on the rump in pride of its great speed. What happened in the next 3 seconds is a little complicated. Terrified by the slap on the rump the horse bolted for the nearest exit, or in this case the street. However, what the horse did not see was a crappy El Camino coasting down the highway looking like it had hit a telephone pole. The resulting collision produced an explosion that will be remembered by all who were present, and even more confusion to the many, many people wondering why the hell the El Camino was going so slow in the first place.

As all three of them were gaping in awe at the total chaos on the highway Rhett chuckled as he said, “I’d hate to be the sucker that owned that car.” His chuckle faded when a license plate with JED-EYE on it hit the VW Van and knocked off the driver side door.

After all hope faded from Rhett and Dash’s faces Rhett saw the outline of a heroic figure whcoh had appeared on the crest of the hill. (Yes there is a hill go with me here people) The clerk exclaimed, “It’s a wooly mammoth!”

Rhett cried out, “It’s Eets! And he is carrying a briefcase.”

Dash muttered, “…the hell? (Cue dynamic eets theme song)

The little dog ran up to Rhett and dropped the briefcase that immediately sprung open revealing several rolls of unmarked $100 bills. “How earth could a Chihuahua make this much money,” Dash inquired.

Upon noticing the naughty look on eets face Rhett chided, ”Eeeeeeets. Did you dump all of your stock out of a large company causing it’s stock to plunge and in the end it’s financial collapse that would leave over ninety percent of it’s employees in multi-billion dollar debt?” Five seconds passed. “Awwwwwwww… I just can’t stay angry at a face like that.” “It looks like we have all the money we need to rent the best bus you have,” said Rhett.

“There is still one bus you haven’t seen,” said the clerk. He pulled a little remote and hit a small red button revealing a secret wall. Behind it was the largest bus Rhett had ever laid his eyes on. On closer inspection Rhett noticed a glass grill cover sporting the face of Alf. A small tear welled up in his eye as he said, “In all my days, I have never seen beauty in this magnitude.” When he walked around the bus basking in its sheer presence he also found the license plate that simply stated 1BADMOFO. This was almost too much for both him and Dash.

“OK gentlemen it looks like you are all set to go. All I need is a driver’s license for this thing,” stated the clerk.

Upon realizing he had left his wallet in the now destroyed El Camino, Dash looked at Rhett and said coyly, “Don’t worry. I have this under control,” as he proudly presented his license.

“Sir this an AA membership card. It is not a driver’s license for this vehicle.” Said the clerk.

Just then Rhett felt a nudge at his leg. It was Eets the Chihuahua wearing a small cap that simply stated “Bus Driver” holding a Class-S CDL in his mouth.

“How did the Chihuahua get a Class-S CDL?” asked the clerk.

Both Rhett and Dash simply stated at the same time in the same monotonous tone, “Internet.”

“Well that’s good enough for me,” said the clerk. “Here are the keys little dog. At least I have the knowledge you’ll be in safer hands than with Rhett driving.”

“Amen,” replied Dash.

As they were getting onto the bus only one thought crossed Dash’s lips, “I need cheese.”

“ Patience,” stated Rhett. “Come soon the cheese will, yes?”


Whew. For all of you who don't know, AA is Alchoholics anonymous.

And a very special thanks to my co-author and good friend Joseph a.k.a. Chuckles The Wonder Wampa for helping me in writing this chapter. ;)

Boba Rhett
07-26-2002, 02:44 AM
Ok I suppose I'll write one. :)

Eets
07-26-2002, 09:05 AM
Why am I the butt of all jokes, Havoc? :P

Thanks for the small slice of dignity, Artoo. :)

Havoc Stryphe
07-26-2002, 09:09 AM
Originally posted by Eets
Why am I the butt of all jokes, Havoc? :P

Thanks for the small slice of dignity, Artoo. :)

Hey, in my defense, I'm not the one with a dog for an avatar! :D

That's seriously where I got the idea! So remember kids, when picking an avatar, it's not just a picture...it's a lifestyle! :p

Wraith 5
07-26-2002, 10:48 AM
That and eets your name sounds like something you would call your dog ;)


*looks at avatar...*

......

Ok i give up i have no idea what that means about me.....


Well clefo said he has the next one, so i guess i get the one after him.

Boba Rhett
07-26-2002, 12:54 PM
Great chapters guys. The representation of me is hilarious! :D

Oh yeah, one more thing. You can't call a chapter and then go away. You have to get it up in a reasonable time after you call it!


*pokes clefo*


Hurry up or the job passes to someone else! :p

Havoc Stryphe
07-26-2002, 01:55 PM
Originally posted by Boba Rhett
Great chapters guys. The representation of me is hilarious! :D


I figured you'd either love it, or ban me. So, needless to say, I'm very relieved you like it! :D

Jatt13
07-27-2002, 04:38 PM
i'll take the 1 after whoever has the last 1. some1 tell me when that will be so i'm not late! *fake cough* coughlikeclefocough! :D

darthfergie
07-28-2002, 02:07 AM
Wowzers

Artoo good chapter...BTW, did you know you have bizzare friends?

Does the Bus have a full 18 hole mini-golf course on top? Just wondering? BTW, if that thing don't have a Pool forget it;)

Boba Rhett
07-28-2002, 07:12 AM
Bah! Come on guys!



_________________________________________________


Chapter 4: Truckin'

"Come on Dash and Eets, let's get this boat on the road. It's time for some seriously reckless driving! Dash, grab a twenty spot from the briefcase, run down to that 7-11 over there and pick me up a few 40oz. I drive better when I have a little buz. Oh! And get me one of those bumper stickers that says, " We B Truckin' " I love those things!

Come on Eets, let's go get acquainted with the bus." Rhett added as he climbed into the bus.

Just as Rhett was about to sit down, Eets jumped up the stairs and onto the drivers seat.

"What do you think you're doing, Eets? Eets responded by pointing at the hat he was wearing that said bus driver.

"I owe you one for getting us out of that mess back there but I'm the driver, here Eets. Now give me the hat." Rhett said while reaching for the hat.

"Give me that hat Eets!"

"Ruff Ruff!!" Interpretation: "**** you b****" Eets barked as he snapped at Rhett's hand.

"Alright alright. I'll make you a deal…. You know Mrs. Anderson's poodle? Yeah, that's right, Fifi. I could maybe… arrange a meeting between you two… A private meeting, if you get my drift."

"Ruff?"

"Yeah sure, however you want to do it, just give me the hat!"

"RUFF RUFF!" Added Eets as he jumped down and took a seat in the back of the bus.

"Yeah yeah… you sick lil' ba…" Added Rhett under his breath as his put the bus driver hat on and sat in the drivers seat.

"Let's see… that's the ignition, that's the gas pedal, that's the… hey, this thing has two brake pedals!"

"Ruff Ruff Ruf!" Interpretation: "It's the clutch, you dumb ****."

"Ok ok, no need to get testy Eets…. Oh… wait. Since your last visit to the vet, you can't! AHAHAHAHHA! Ahhh… I kill me." Rhett said as he began flipping through the instruction manual.

"This looks hard. This book doesn’t even have any cool pictures in it. And in the pictures it does have, all the women have clothes on! Pfft. This is not my kind of reading material I tell ya Eets. Meh, I'll just wing it." Rhett said as he threw the manual in the back and turned the ignition.

"Now where's that shifting gear stick looking thing at. Aha! Here it is. Now to put it in first gear and get going."

Crag gzzzz gggkk rrrkkkkk

"There we go." gggkk rrrkkkkk ggzzzk rrrggkk "Ah… purring like a kitten. Those fancy German engines… Gotta love em'."


*KNOCK* *KNOCK* "Open up, Rhett! I'm back!" Yelled Dash as he pounded on the door.

"Hey Dash. That was faster than I expected I…. Where's my booze!?!" Yelled a shocked Rhett as he flung open the door and saw Dash standing there. His arms full of packets of string cheese accompanied by an occasional wheel of Colby Jack.

"Dude! What the hell happened to my booze?!"

"I couldn't help myself! I'm a weak, weak man!" Screamed the now weeping, cheese chewing Dash.

*sigh* "Just get in the van. We have a lot of people to pick up."

"Here we go!" Rhett stomped on the gas - and the van flew backward ramming into a line of rental buses. A domino effect began and soon all the buses were tipped over.

"Oops. Heh, guess I had it in reverse. We better get out of here before someone sees this mess."

"Umm. Rhett. Someone did see it. The clerk is banging on your window, screaming."

"He is? I don’t see him anywhere."

"But.."

"I Don't see him." Rhett added as he threw the bus into first and sped out of the lot, taking part of the fence with him.

"Come back hea ya dirty sons o b****s! Look what you've done!" Screamed the clerk as he banged on the side of the bus as it sped away.


"Whew! That was a close one wasn't it? Here, hand me the paper in the glove compartment, Dash. I have all our stops marked on it. Let's see… next stop is Havoc! We're off to Penisvaneya, boys!"

"… you mean Pennsylvania?"

"Yeah whatever. Either way, we should be only about… three inches away, according to this map."



Five and a half hours later the sun has set and they are 57 miles outside of Pennsylvania.

"Ughh… I can't keep my eyes open any longer. Dash, I'm going to put this thing on cruise and take a little nap in the back. Keep an eye out for cops and wake me when we get there."

*yawn* "Yeah, ok Rhett…" Dash said as he closed his eyes again and snuggled back up to the pillow he had fashioned out of the leftover cheese.

"Wait-a-minute.…. That's not the way it works!" Hollered Dash as he jumped up, ran to the drivers seat and slammed on the brakes.

The bus, which was now grinding against railing, came to a screeching halt. Eets, who had been napping in the back seat went airborne and flew to the front of the bus, hitting the windshield.

"Huh… what's going on?! What are you doing, Dash!? Is he alright?!" Yelled Rhett as he ran towards the front of the bus.

Dash reached down and picked up Eets who promptly began urinating on him.]

"Yeah…. Eets is just dandy, Rhett."

"No Not him! ALF!" Yelled Rhett as he flung open the door and ran to the front of the bus.

"AAAAAAAALLLLLLFFFF!!" Screamed Rhett as he fell to his knees and picked up a piece of Alf's nose from the pavement. "What… have…. I done." Added a sobbing Rhett as Eets and Dash jumped out of the bus and walked to the front.

"Come on Rhett. Get back in the bus. We have to hurry."

"How can you be so callous? I've just lost a loved one!"

"..If you get back in the bus we'll buy you a shiny new Masters of the Universe glass grill when we reach Rommels house."

"….. will it have Battle Cat on it too?"

*sigh* "Yes Rhett, it'll have all of them on it. Now get in the bus!"

"Woohoo! Why didn't you say so in the first place!" Yelled Rhett over his shoulder as he jogged back into the bus.



Forty minutes later they pull up in front of Havoc's place. Before they even came to a complete stop a quiet nock was heard on the bus door.

"Who's there?"

"Shhhh!! Keep it down guys. You want someone to hear? Let me in!" Whispered Havoc.

Rhett opened the doors and jumped out to meet Havoc, who was completely dressed in black.

"Havoc! How ya been old buddy?"

"Keep it down, Rhett! Do you want her to hear us? Squeaked a now more panicky Havoc.

"Who? What are you talking about?"

"Just get on the bus! I'll explain later!"

Just as they got back in and shut the doors a porch light came on at Havoc's house.

"Oh crap, she heard us! Floor it, man!"

A woman in a robe ran out of the house screaming.

"Havoc, what's going .."

"Floor it!" screamed Havoc as he put his foot unto Rhett's, speeding up the bus.

As they sped off they could hear a woman yelling in the distance…

"HAVOC! Where are you going? Do you know what time it is? You have work tomorrow!"


"THAT, my friends, was the Mrs. Heh… You… you guys know how it is. Heh. Right?" Havoc sputtered out.

"Yeah Havoc. Dash and I know how it is."

"….. You're whipped." Added Rhett as he turned his attention back to the road.

Havoc tightened his face and raised his hand in protest but before any words came out of his mouth, he put his hand down, lowered his head and silently nodded.

"So, how did you two love birds meet anyway, Havoc?" Asked Dash

"Well, I was at the beach laying on a towel just soaking up some rays when I saw this beautiful woman playing volleyball and I.."

"Was she in a bikini?" Interrupted Rhett

"Well, yes. Yes she was in fact. Anyway… there I was in my Speedo staring at this beautiful woman who would later be my wife and…"

"Was it a metal bikini?" Interrupted Rhett again who was now sweating and turning red.

"… As a matter of fact, I think it wa…" Before Havoc could finish his sentence, Dash put his hand over his mouth.

"I uhh… I think it would be best if you didn't finish that story, Havoc. At least not in front of Rhett."

"Oh… ok…. So where are we headed next guys?" Asked Havoc.

"We're headed to the great north. We're going to pick up Sherack and Rommel then head back to the states. I can't wait. I've never seen this great land of Canadia before." Responded Rhett as he wiped the sweat from his brow. Do you guys think we should buy some winter clothes before we get there?

"Don't be stupid, Rhett. We don't need to go waste money on coats and snow-boots to go into Canada. -They'll supply us with all that stuff at the border." Added Dash

"Oh good. By the way, Do either of you speak Canadish? It sure would help out."

"Hey Rhett. All that cheese I ate is catching up to me. When's the next rest area?" Dash asked.

"Bah. We don't need to stop for you to go to the bathroom, silly! Just use this." Rhett held up a large jar from under his seat, full of various yellow and brown liquids.

"Holy hell, Rhett. That's disgusting!" Yelled an aghast Havoc.

"Pfft. Suit yourself. Crybabies. The next rest stop is in 50 miles. I suppose we can stop there. Maybe I can get a big-gulp or some scotch or something…"

_______________________________________________

Heavyarms
07-28-2002, 09:25 AM
I'll write the next one:

Chapter 5: The Return of the Viper

As the bus is travelling down the freeway, Havoc exclaims, "Holy crap! We forgot Heavyarms! Turn around, quick!"

The bus starts to make a turn, but rhett had turned around to listen to Havoc. Wouldn't ya know, on PA highways, they have a 3 ft concrete barrier in between the roads! Rhett turns around to see the bus plow through a 3 ft concrete barrier, and the barrier slams into a minivan, and the minivan hits a tanker truck containing gasoline. The gasoline starts to leak from the truck, as rhett guns it out of the area. The whole tanker explodes, blowing up a 20-yard section of the highway.

"You could have killed 30 people back there! Don't you know to turn off and turn back on at a exit?" Yells Dash in his face.

"Shut up, or no more cheese." Rhett tells him with a disgusted look on his face.

"ok, I guess..."


45 minutes later, very close to Heavyarms' house.

Ignore from this point on(skip to Ch. 5.1)

"Hey, where the Hell are we anyway?" Eets Barks.
Rhett turns around for a minute, and the bus crashes into a house.

"Geez, Rhett, let me drive!"
"What did I say about the cheese?"
"sorry, Rhett..."

Rhett leaves the bus, looking around and seeing what the heck he just hit until a piece of cold steel touches his neck.
" WHy the hell did you run that bus into my house?"
"You Heavyarms? It's me, Rhett.... don't you Remember?"
"Yeah, I do... ok, at least I got homeowner's insurance, so, where we off to?"
"Canada." Rhett relies, shaking in his boots.
"ok, let me get my stuff."
HA goes and gets 2 duffle bags filled with stuff, and puts them in the bus.

"Ok, let's go!"

1 hour later...
"are we there yet?" dash asks Rhett.
"no."
"are we there yet?"
"no."
"are we there yet?"
"no."
"are we there yet?"
"no."
"are we there yet?"
"no."
"SHUT UP!!!!!" Eets, the low tempered dog yells.

All of a sudden on the Highway, a Sith Infiltrator fires laser blasts at the bus and puts a big crater in front of the bus. Rhett manages to stop the bus.

Viper yells, "Hey, Rhett, you F***ing fool, that was a gay freak! I'm gonna F***ing kill you along with everyone else in there!"

"Hope the armor holds up." Havoc mutters.

"Take this grenade!" Heavyarms throws something, but it is that chiuaua eets instead, and he falls flat 30 feet in front of the bus.

"oops."

"Ah well, at least I brought these weaopns with us."

*opens the dufflebags.*

Ok, someone can take it from here.

Tie Guy
07-28-2002, 10:48 AM
I got the next one. Who's first though, Sherack or Rommel?

I will write it right after Church (12:30 or so EST)

Heavyarms, if your gonna finish your story, do it NOW. Don't wait any longer. You can't just start it and say you'll finish sometime. Either finish yours or delete it, and do it as soon as you see this. Your just holding everyone up, and the fun part of this (i think) is to see how others interpret your character, doing yourself isn't any fun IMO.

Jatt13
07-28-2002, 04:38 PM
i want to write one too, soon. some1 tell me when it's my turn. oh, and good chapter, rhett!:D

Tie Guy
07-28-2002, 09:13 PM
Originally posted by Jatt13
i want to write one too, soon. some1 tell me when it's my turn. oh, and good chapter, rhett!:D

Not that i doubt your ability as a writer, but....you just registered a little while ago. Do you really know enough about all the others to write about them humorously? At least wait until we pick up some of the newer members.


Sorry, don't misinterpret this....

Boba Rhett
07-29-2002, 02:52 AM
I think Jatt13 can write one. We'll just have to give him some help with some of the forum member personalities. :)


We can't just sit around waiting for you to finish the, heavyarms. Someone go ahead and write the next one and include us picking up Heavyarms.

darthfergie
07-29-2002, 03:19 AM
Ch.5.1: Killer Angel

crashing through the suburban neighborhood at 70 mph was a challenge. And it was a challenge Rhett wasn't up to it. So don't tell him.

By the time they reached HeavyArms' house there was several yards of white picket fence plasted across the bumper.

"I wonder where HeavyArms is?" said Rhett.

"Could it be that guy who is sitting on the Lazy Boy on top of the bus?"

"What's he doing on top of the bus? Especially in a LAZY BOY?!?!?"

"Remember that house about 2 blocks back that we plowed through?"

"Um...no...AND YOU DON'T EITHER! We were not in this nieghborhood tonight! GET IT!"

"Got it"

"Good...now what were you saying about that house we didn't plow through back there?"

*WHAM WHAM WHAM*
"OPEN UP THIS F*ING DOOR RIGHT NOW YOU JERKS! I AM MAD! AND YOU KNOW THAT WHEN I GET MAD...I GET MAD!!!"

"Hey! It's Heavyarms!" exclaimed Rhett.

"I'LL GET YOUR HEADS YOU MOFOS!!!"

"Hey, HeavyArms...we're on a *GAH* Hey your choaking me *GAH* Dash...HELP" breathed Rhett.

"Just a sec. Trying out this new brand of Parmesian Cheese. It's really good. You should try some Rhett" Dash casually remarked

Just then Eets the super duper wonder dog noticed the action at the front of the bus and ran to the front of the bus.

"RUFF" Remarked Eets

"Yeah...I guess it would be best to take it to the back of the bus. Because we need to hurry up and get on our way." said HeavyArms

"Heeeeelp *Gasp* Eets!"

HeavyArms still holding onto Rhett's throat went to the back of the bus to choak the life out of Rhett so Eets could get the bus back on the road.

"Ruff arf yip!"

"Yeah, I wonder if they say 'Eh Hosser' up there too." said Dash

Eets shifted the 1BADMOFO in to drive and rocketed out of the suburbs and back out onto the highway heading for the artic tundra that is CANADA, amist screams of "HEY GUYS *GASP* COME ON PLEASE *GASP* NEED HELP"

Heavyarms
07-29-2002, 08:44 AM
Hey guys, Let me finish it now! I tried to finish it yesterday, but every time i TRIED, my brother shut off the comp, and I had to restart it again. He did it 3 times. And then I was at work till late...

I'll do it now...

Eets
07-29-2002, 10:10 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Great chapter, ferg :D :thumbsup:


Sorry for butting a chapter in, guys, but I MUST write the chapter about picking up sher :)

Tie Guy
07-29-2002, 10:25 AM
Originally posted by Eets
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Great chapter, ferg :D :thumbsup:


Sorry for butting a chapter in, guys, but I MUST write the chapter about picking up sher :)

But i wanted to do Rommel and customs....let me write out that first and i'll stop before we pick up sherack, eh? :D


BTW, Rhett, i want him to write one, just not one about the really old people. read above.

Eets
07-29-2002, 10:31 AM
Okay Tie, but I'm gonna PM you with ideas I had for the story ^_^

Make sure you stop before quebec! :D

Tie Guy
07-29-2002, 11:23 AM
almost finished, it will be uo as soon as i get back from tennis.

Here's the customs part, to whett your appetite.

Chapter 6: Part One: Border Hoppin'

Eets finnally managed to get the bus back on the road, but then he suddenly slammed on the brakes so hard that it caused Heavyarms to release Rhett and sent him flying into the front of the bus.

"What's the matter Eets?" Rhett asked, making his way to front of the bus.

"Ruff ruff *whimper*" Eets responded

"Oh my gosh, Eets! No! We can't stop like that everytime you see a frickin fire hydrant on the side of the rode."

"*whimper whimper*"

"That's it! I'm driving, and there won't be any "meeting" when we get back, either." Rhett hopped into the bus driver's seat and hit the gas, hard. This sent Heavyarms flying out the back window and landing on the road with a crash.

"We lost Heavyarms!" cried Dash.

"Too bad, we can't stop!" replied Rhett, still rubbing his neck.

Dash yelled out to Heavyarms, "We're heading to San Rafeal, we'll meet you there."

"Ruff, ruff?" eets barked.

"Too bad, we can't stop now, they won't care if we just go on by, we already know all the Canadish customs, eh?" Rhett stated.

"But Rhett, what about our free snow boots?" Dash whined. Rhett slammmed on the brakes just in time to stop right in front of the official, who gave them one of those "what the heck is wrong with this guy" looks....you know.

"Uh sir, i'm gonna have to ask you a few questions, eh?" the official said.

"Fire away." Rhett, Dash, and i think, Eets responded.

"Are you carrying any fruit on board, eh?" the official asked.

"Just Rhett, hehe." Dash remarked before Rhett could answer.

"Do you have any illegal beverages, eh?"

"Of course!" Rhett responded

"Do you mind if i have one? Its been a long shift, eh?"

Rhett didn't quite know what to say to this but he finnally responded with a "Sure" and he handed off the jug of malt liquor he was drinking. The officer took it and downed the entire thing, right in front of him. Just then another official burst out of the office.

"Hey, get away from there!" the official cried as the other official ran off into the tundra. "Sorry, he's not really an official, he bought that uniform at Goodwill."

"Oh...Ok."

"So, i'm gonna need to see some ID, eh?"

"Sure" Rhett said as he pulled out his license and handed it to the official.

"Sir, this is a picture of a dog, eh?"

"Right, thats my dog, eets."

"Ruf, ruff."

"Right...i'm gonna need to see your ID, eh?"

"I lost my wallet in a car accident."

"Thats what they all say. Well, i'm gonna need something to identify you, eh?"

Rhett thought for a moment and then pulled a small black cassette out of his pocket. "How bout this video tape, its very recent, i just made it last nigggghhhh....nevermind." Rhett stuffed the tape back into his pocket. "Look, over there! Is that a mountie!"

"I don't see it, eh?"

Rhett slammed the accelerator and the bus sped off, much to the suprise of the official.

"But what about my snow boots?" Dash complained.

"I'll buy you a pair when we get to California, now shut up! Next stop, Rommel's place!" Rhett looked at the map and made a hard right turn, almost flipping the bus.

Havoc Stryphe
07-29-2002, 11:24 AM
I'm all geared up to do another Chapter, but I'll wait my turn :D


So far it's great! Great Chapter, Rhett! But you got me all wrong! I'm not whipped at all! I do whatever I want, Whenever I want...

*Heard off screen*
"What's that dear? No, I'm not posting on that silly board again! Of course not dear..."

Um... I gotta go!




:D

Anyway, Great chapters guys! :D

Eets
07-29-2002, 12:46 PM
Great chapter, Tie Guy! :D

darthfergie
07-29-2002, 12:51 PM
Originally posted by Eets
Great chapter, Tie Guy! :D

Great aprtial chapter you mean...he's coming back with some more later.:)

Tie Guy
07-29-2002, 02:53 PM
PART TWO: OUR NORTHERN NEIGHBOR


"According to this map, Rommel's house should be right....there!" Rhett said

"What, behind the shack?" Dash asked, bewildered.

"I think it IS the shack" said Rhett.

"But that's way to small for a normal person to live in."

"True, ture, but this is Rommel we're talking about."

"Ruff, ruff ruff." Eets interjected

"Yes, i know we're going to run into that house, it'll be fine." Rhett slammed on the brakes, leaving huge tracks of mud in the front of Rommel's yard. He opened the door and looked outside.

"Rommel, are you there?" he yelled.

"Yes, it is I, Rommel." Rommel replied

Startled by the voice, Rhett looked around across the yard and house. Not seeing anyone, he yelled again, "Where are you?" He took a step outside the bus but suddenly tripped and fell to the street.

"Geezes Rhett, you idiot. You stepped on me!" Rommel shouted in anger.

"Rhett, are you ok?" It was Dash, who was now coming out of the bus to see what happened. But as soon as he took one step outside he too tripped and plummeted to the street.

"Dash! Watch where your stepping, you moron!"

"Ruff ruff, ruff?" Eets came running out of the bus, only to follow his friends to the street. He whimpered as all three rose to look for Rommel. When they saw him they jumped back in suprise.

"Crikey! He's like a frickin' Mini Me!" Rhett couldn't hold back.

"Ahhhh!!! Its a dwarf!" Dash ran around in circles screaming, "Don't let it near me! Don't let it near me!"

"Arrrr, arrrr." Eets flew back up bus faster than lightning and promptly hid under one of the seats.

"Guys! Enough! I know i'm short, ok!" Rommel shouted.

Rhett tried to bring himself together, but all he could manage was, "So Rommel, how's the weather down there?"

Rommel grew red with anger. "Fine," he yelled, "I'm not coming with you then!"

"Oh no! Anything but that!" Rhett returned, trying to keep from falling to the street laughing, at which point, he thought to himslef, i'll still be taller tham him.

Rommel started to turn around and walk back when Rhett finally got himself together and said, "Ok, ok. We won't make fun of you for being short if you just come with us to California."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Ok, then let's go. I think i know a short cut to Sherack's house." Rommel said. Rhett started laughing, trying to hold it in.

"What? Was it something i said?" Rommel asked.

"Nevermind." Rhett turned to Dash, who was still runnning in circles and scremaing. "Dash, we're leaving!"

Suddenly Dash just stopped. "Ok." He replied as he climbed aboard the bus. As soon as everyone was in Rhett hit the accelerator and the bus plowed through Rommel's neighbor's yard, and just about every other yard on the street before falling off a bypass and starting down the highway.

Silenthunter
07-29-2002, 04:04 PM
Ah man, this just keeps getting better and better :D I may have to write a chapter some time...

Eets
07-29-2002, 05:05 PM
Originally posted by Tie Guy
"Crikey! He's like a frickin' Mini Me!"



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

AWESOME chapter, Tie Guy!!!

Heavyarms
07-29-2002, 07:17 PM
Hey! I didn't waste 20 min finishing that, did I?

Tie Guy
07-29-2002, 07:30 PM
Originally posted by Heavyarms
Hey! I didn't waste 20 min finishing that, did I?

Yes....but it took you 20 minutes to think of that?

Eets
07-29-2002, 07:44 PM
Chapter 7: We're not in Canada anymore, toto!

After a while of driving towards Sherack's house, Rhett spoke up.

"Where's this short*snicker* cut, Rommel?"

Rommel gave him a strange look and said: "It's just up the highway a little ways, look for the purple brick road, eh."

As Dash and Havoc argued about the best way to dispose of Rhett's "Booze n' Natalie pics" collection, Heavyarms decided to get his head out of the latest issue of "Killem Monthly" and speak up.

"Purple brick road? What the hell kinda b****** lives near a purple brick road?"

"Arf! Woof woof ruff!" Replied Eets. Everyone in the bus besides Rommel burst out in uncontrollable laughter.

Rommel, who had yet to learn Doglish, asked: "What was that supposed to mean?"

"*snicker* You'll find out soon enough, Rommel." replied Havoc.

As they turned onto the purple brick road, everything seemed to change. Heavyarms picked up Eets and said:

"I don't think we're in Canada anymore..."

"WOOF WOOF RAWRF!" Eets yelped out as he jumped out of Heavyarms' arms and ran away.

"What do you mean your gate doesn't swing that way?!"

Just then, Rhett looked around at the scenery. "Whoah! That lady hasn't shaved her armpits in years! Good god, hamster arms really turn me on.... rooowrr..." *pathump, pathump*

"What was that!?" Yelled Dash.

Havoc ran to the back window and looked outside onto the street. "It looks like a frenchman on a unicyle... Or at least it was.."

"This place is starting to creep me out!" Said Dash.

"Welcome to Quebec - Land of public urination and risque-style bicycle shorts! We're definitely not in Canada anymore." Rommel Said.

"So where is Sherack's house?" Yelled Rhett from the front seat. "Over there! It's that huge castle-thingy." Replied Rommel.

"You mean the little cardboard box from McDonalds across the street?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"I guess everything's relative..." Rhett said as he slowed the bus to a stop.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR*pow!*" Was the last thing Rhett heard before he saw a goateed man plastered on the windshield.

"Take me with you! For the love of god, TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!" Said the man who had just ran into the front of the bus.

"You must be Sherack." Said Dash as he got out of the bus and wiped the bodily fluids from off the windshield.

"How do you know my name? Who are you? Are you the dark spam lord come to destroy my soul? Oh.. hey! It's Eets! Nice to see you, Eets!" Replied Sherack as he picked up Eets and gave him a big ol' hug.

"Ruff!" Eets said as he promptly piddled in Sherack's arms. Just then, Rhett spoke up. "I hate to ruin your pretty little reunion, but things are getting freaky around here." Rhett said, as he kicked away a Quebecian who had clinged onto his leg.

"Reunion? What is... Reunion?" Sherack asked.

"Ruff ruffra ruff rufffer!" Eets answered.

"I am NOT an ignorant french b******!!" Said Sherack as he, Eets, and Dash Jumped back into the bus.

Rhett then started the bus up again, and drove off, while the rest of the passengers tried to peel clinging Quebecoi people that were desperate to leave Quebec off of the windows.

"Well I for one am glad we left Quebec quickly... Those people were getting a bit too.. clingy. heh.. heh, it's a joke.. heh, I slay me." Remarked Dash as the group drove off into the sunset.. or somewhere around there.

Jatt13
07-29-2002, 08:07 PM
great capter eets! that was hilarious. :D i understand a/b the not knowing the people enough, but could you give me a chapter that doesn't have much to do w/ their personalities? like artoo at the bus station or something? i could probably do every1 who has already been written a/b, just from example.

Tie Guy
07-29-2002, 09:01 PM
Thats fine, jatt. Feel free to write one anytime now. Most of the people you don't know have already been picked up.

As if you needed my permission anyways......oh well.


BTW, eets, Heavyarms is....no longer with us.


Oh, and next we need to drive down the east coast picking people up.

Eets
07-29-2002, 10:57 PM
Oh yeah... Whoops ^_^

This chapter was felt kinda forced anyways..

Tie Guy
07-29-2002, 11:39 PM
Originally posted by Eets
This chapter was felt kinda forced anyways..

What are you smokin eets?

Silenthunter
07-30-2002, 12:16 AM
Originally posted by Tie Guy


What are you smokin eets?


I don't think we want to know ;) :D :smoke2:

Darth Homer
07-30-2002, 12:45 AM
LOL!!! Good job all! Can't wait till I get picked up!!!

Artoo
07-30-2002, 01:43 AM
OK, so the current chapter order right now is:

Jatt
Havoc

Will Homer write a chapter? About himself being picked up? He's a good author, well a good comedian anyways.

Ehehehehehe, I can't wait to write my chapter!

*Officially calls the Arkansas chapter*

Darth Homer
07-30-2002, 01:52 AM
Originally posted by Artoo
Will Homer write a chapter? About himself being picked up? He's a good author, well a good comedian anyways.

good comedian, yes....good author....uhm....I always understand what I mean....noone else ever does.

Plus, writing about myself isn't any fun. I want to see what other people think of/do to me. :D :D

darthfergie
07-30-2002, 02:30 AM
heh the biggest stop is the Arky stop...unless you count the Airport in Chicago. (our international members can fly in for the party;) Don't worry Rhett will pay for your expenses;) )

Artoo
07-30-2002, 03:15 AM
hot damn! I want that chapter also! If we can think here, we travel to minnesota, pick up Wraith 5, then to O'Hare, to pick up our international forrumers. Then across and down to NC and SC we should be doing good.

Chapters Artoo Wants

1. Chicago/O'Hare
2. Arkansas

darthfergie
07-30-2002, 03:30 AM
*wonders what kind of Transport Rhett will buy the Int. Members*

Possibilities
1. GulfStream IV Jet (don't you wish)
2. Old 747
3. Submarine (and they trek their way on foot secretly to chicago to be picked up)
4. Huey Helecopter
5. Carrier Fleet Group
6. Ducks (hey...it could happen)
7. Old busted and broken down WWI Bi-Plane. (only one...the rest of you can hang onto the wings;) )
8. Hot Air Ballon
9. Concord Jet (dream on)
10. or 1BADMOFO's cousin...LEET@$$

Havoc Stryphe
07-30-2002, 08:37 AM
Okay, So Jatt has the next Chapter, and then me, eh?

I'm all prepped, I just need to know where Jatt leads this travelling circus! :D

This is great so far guys! Good job all! :D

Eets
07-30-2002, 09:00 AM
Originally posted by Tie Guy


What are you smokin eets?

If I had a dime for every time I've heard that... I'd have about two dimes. :D

jediduo
07-30-2002, 11:52 AM
The story is really good so far. Like Jatt, I also want to write a chapter, but the only person I know very well is Artoo. I will need someone to tell me when to go. BTW, next time our little bus crew encounters another annoying or stupid person(i.e. the Unicycling Frenchman), Heavyarms ought to arrive in his Gundam and waste him with those huge beam gatlings that he's got.

Anyway, good job all of you.

xwing guy
07-30-2002, 11:55 AM
By the way guys, whenever you go by Arkansas don't forget to go by East Texas and get me, and whoever writes the chapter for when you go into Texas I want someone to write it that knows me well like Rhett or someone. Just my request. ;)

Boba Rhett
07-30-2002, 12:55 PM
Ehehehhehee.... I wonder if Sherack will be mad. :D


Oh, and for our International buds, it definitely will be a Biplane. :cool: It'll look like that one scene from The Three Amigos.

xwing guy
07-30-2002, 01:18 PM
Why will Sherack be mad?

Jatt13
07-30-2002, 03:25 PM
thanks for letting me write a chapter. i just need 1 thing: where are we headed? as in, who's next to be picked up, and where does he/she live? thanks again.

Boba Rhett
07-30-2002, 03:32 PM
I think we're picking up Wraith 5 next. He's in Minnesota.

Wraith 5
07-30-2002, 03:34 PM
That would be me!

Minnisota, twin city area...


pm me if you need anything from me :)

Jatt13
07-30-2002, 03:35 PM
ok, i looked in the other story contest thread, and it looks like it'll be tie guy and wolf in north carolina. some1 tell me if that's right, and i'll start. (sorry to be so helpless, but i don't want to mess up the story.) :D

Eets
07-30-2002, 04:16 PM
Originally posted by Boba Rhett
Ehehehhehee.... I wonder if Sherack will be mad. :D

I certainly hope so! :D

xwing guy
07-30-2002, 05:12 PM
Why will Sherack be mad?

Artoo
07-30-2002, 05:14 PM
Originally posted by Jatt13
ok, i looked in the other story contest thread, and it looks like it'll be tie guy and wolf in north carolina. some1 tell me if that's right, and i'll start. (sorry to be so helpless, but i don't want to mess up the story.) :D

Well that would be true, except that we need to drive around the great lakes and pick up Wraith 5, Minnesota Twin Cities, woohoo! And then it will be up to havoc where we go.

Jatt13
07-30-2002, 05:55 PM
ok, minnesota it is. i'll get started.

darthfergie
07-30-2002, 07:14 PM
Originally posted by Tie Guy
BTW, eets, Heavyarms is....no longer with us.

Nah he grabbed on to the bumper and smashed through the back window and promptly fell on his head because he tripped over Rommel. Knocked himself out and forgot about the whole thing;)

Sherack Nhar
07-30-2002, 08:02 PM
Originally posted by Eets
[B]"Take me with you! For the love of god, TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!" Said the man who had just ran into the front of the bus.*falls off chair laughing*

Great story guys :) And Eets, I just knew you were going to bring up the ignorant french bastard thing again! :P

Oh, and I volunteer to write xwing guy's entry! :)

darthfergie
07-30-2002, 08:03 PM
I quickly put up a generalized map of our route...changes will be made as we go along.

Sherack Nhar
07-30-2002, 08:20 PM
This map demonstrates Fergie's knowledge of Canada geography :)

Since when is Calgary in Ontario? ;)

xwing guy
07-30-2002, 08:48 PM
Well the line that goes through East Texas hits right where I live, so he's right there.

Darth Homer
07-30-2002, 09:53 PM
and it goes through South Carolina in the right spot as well...who cares about Canadia anyway, eh?

Eets
07-30-2002, 10:21 PM
Originally posted by darthfergie
Nah he grabbed on to the bumper and smashed through the back window and promptly fell on his head because he tripped over Rommel. Knocked himself out and forgot about the whole thing;)


Er yeah.. that's it.. ^_^

Jatt13
07-30-2002, 10:30 PM
ok, here we go:

Chapter 8:

As Rhett drove down the road and out of Quebec, Dash was going through cheese withdraw.

"c'mon, man, I need some cheese! I'll go insane if I don't get some, and fast! We must've passed 50 truck stops already! Can't we just stop at one?" Dash wined.

"No!" yelled Rhett "I don't want to stay in canadia any more than I have to! man, this place gives me the willies. And no one would notice if you went crazy. So, where to next?"

"I think it's Wraith, in Minnesota. but before we go there, can we get some cheese?" Dash asked hopefully

"No! Good, Minnesota. I can get some real beer there" says Rhett.

"Look, a truck stop! Can we stop there?"

"No!"

"Can we stop there?"

"No!"

("how long is this gonna go on?" Sherack asked Rommel)

"How bout there?"

"NO!... wait, yes! That looks like a place where I can refill this thing!" Rhett pulls off his hat that had an empty 6-pack in it and looks at it in disgust. "They need to make these things bigger." he complained.

As he pulls into the parking lot of a HUGE truck stop (taking the fender of a big rig with him), Dash sighs in relief. "Finally, cheese!"

As they walk into the truck stop, Dash heads straight towards the cheese rack (yes, truck stops in canada have cheese racks), Rommel heads toward the bathroom, Sher strikes up a conversation in french w/ some guy sitting at a table, and Eets heads toward the nearest fire hidrant. Rhett looks around, grabs some booze, and heads to the counter to pay. After buying it, he promptly pours all of it into his hat and starts sucking.

All of a sudden, he turns around and spews it into the face of a burly truck driver. "What is this crap?!" he yelled "This isn't beer! This is disgusting!" I wouldn't drink this if it was the last beer on earth! Ok, maybe I would, but I still don't like it! This is..."

Rhett's verbal abuse of Canadian beer slows to a stop as he noticed the look the truck driver was giving him. "So you don't like our beer?! I'll teach you to like it, or you'll dietrying!" the canadian draws back his fist and slams it into rhetts gut. "I didn't mean it!" Rhett gasps. "Look, I'll drink some more, right now!" Rhett takes a big gulp and ends up spewing it into the man's face again.

"Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Don't hurt me! please?" as Rhett pleads for his life, the big canadian advances on him. "EETS!!! HEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEE!!"

(cue heroic Eets theme music) Eets comes flying through the front window and lands on the truck drivers back. "Help! There's a wooly mammoth on my back! get it off!" The man shakes Eets off, but he runs up and bites him in the crotch. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" the man screams. Let's get out of here, guys!" Rhett yells as he runs out the door, w/ the rest following him.

As they ran onto the bus, Rhett said "Eets, you saved my life! how can i ever repay you?" Eets thinks for a second, and then says "Ruff ruff, roof ruff!" "Awww, c'mon, anything but that!" "ruff, RUFF!!" "oh, okaaayy, you can drive." Rhett says dejectedly as makes his way to the back of the bus. "Ruff ruff ruffy ruff ruff!"
"What'd he say?" asked Rommel. "He said" answered Sher "Here's something to cheer you up!" Eets pulls a magizine from under the seat and carries it to Rhett in his mouth. "Wow, Eets! thanks! You really ARE man's best friend!" "What kind
of magizine is that?" asked Sher. "You don't want to know" Replied Rhett.

As they pull out (taking another fender with them) Rommel looks back and sees Dash running behind the bus, carrying a huge mound of cheese. "Wait for me, guys!" "We forgot Dash!" yelled Rommel. "Aww, let em walk" said Rhett. Eets gives rhett a look and pulls the bus over. "thanks, guys." says Dash as he climbs onto the bus. "you know i couldn't leave without my cheese! anyway, on to minnesota!"

as Eets pilates the bus down the road, the rest settle in for some sleep, Dash on his pile of cheese. "wake me when we get to minnesota!" he yelled to eets. "ruff ruff!" "hey, watch your language!"

as Eets pulls into Hugo, he wakes the gang up by laying on the horn. Rhett groggily sits up and swings for his alarm clock, which of course isn't there, so he ends up hitting Dash in the face. dash yells "hey, what'd you do that for?!" "you should watch where you're going" replied Rhett. "you triped and hit your head on my fist." Dash, still stupid from just waking up, says "I did?" "yep, and don't let anyone else ever tell you different."

"so, where does Wraith live?" Rhett asked "ruff roof bark" "oh, a dorm? ok, to the college we go!" Eets drives to the closest college. "hey, where are all the college chicks?" asks Rhett. "still sleeping. it's only 5 a.m.!" "oh, that's right. anyway, you've used up all my gratefullness, eets, so let me drive now!" "ruff!" "oh, yeah, well so's your mama! now let me drive!" Rhett runs to the front of the bus and grabs the wheel. "get out of my way,
you stupid dog!" at that, Eets bites Rhetts wrist, making Rhett turn the wheel sharply, making the bus slam through
a wall of a dorm. "AAIIEEEE!!" a high pitched voice screamed "what are you doing in my room?!" "well, it's not
Wraith, but we could stay here!" Rhett said. Eets just growled and backed up the bus. "I still want to drive!" Rhett
leaped forward to grab the wheel again, but accidentally hit the gas pedal, so they slamed through another wall, this
time backwards. "What the $@*#?!" "hey, it's Wraith!" cried Dash "get on!" "I'd love to, but I can't! I have to finish designing
my webpage so I can pass!" "Aww, you can do that any old time! how often do you get to go to a 1 year reuniun for
the forum?" "I guess you're right" "of course I am! now get on the bus!"

so Wraith got on and they tore out the oppisite wall to get out. "nice driven', Eets!" "my stuff..." and they got on the
interstate. "next stop..." Dash started "next stop, budwiser hq!" cried Rhett "ruff ruff, ruff!" "ok, i guess there
will be plenty of beer at the party. Hey, who's this?" Rhett had just seen Heavyarms' legs sticking out from under a seat.
"It's Heavyarms! What are you doing back on the bus? I thought you fell out!" "Well, I grabbed onto the bumper and swung
through the window a few hours later when i saw the bus stop at a truck stop. But I got knocked out. What's been going on?"
"We'll tell you when you're older" Rhett said.

as they drove down the highway, they didn't know where they would end up but they did know that there would be good times
and bad times, laughter and tears, and... oh, to hell with it. they're just in it for the fun!!


well, there it is! hope you like it!:D

Darth_Rommel
07-30-2002, 10:35 PM
LOL! :lol: :D

Good stuff so far, guys!

Havoc Stryphe
07-31-2002, 08:37 AM
Great Chapter Jatt! :D Rhett, you seem to become more of a pervert with every chapter! ;)


I'm working on the next chapter right now... :D

Tie Guy
07-31-2002, 09:25 AM
Originally posted by Havoc Stryphe
Great Chapter Jatt! :D Rhett, you seem to become more of a pervert with every chapter! ;)

Yes, at the end we must count up all the underage things he does. :D

BTW Ferg, that line goes right over where i live, though you almost circled around it to get there. ;)

Boba Rhett
07-31-2002, 10:30 AM
Woot! Great chapter! :D


I'm not just any pervert. I'm an elite pervert! :cool:

Havoc Stryphe
07-31-2002, 10:55 AM
Chapter Nine:

The stars were easy to see on that clear Minnesota night sky, and the fool, I mean, full moon reflected off the silver top our heroes' bus which was heading down the highway, steady as she goes. However it wasn't long until the riders and driver began to feel a little tired and run down. Finally Eets had enough, and pulled the Bus off the road.

"What's the matter, Eets?", Rhett asked his faithful companion.

The chihuahua said nothing as he jumped down off the driver seat, walked down the bus aisle and promptly jumped up on to another seat, curled up in a ball and immediately fell asleep.

"I'm guessing he's a little tired", Wraith 5 replied after watching Eets.

"Really? I'm glad you're here to tell us these things!", Havoc replied as he rolled his eyes.

"Hey, there's one important lesson I've learned at college!", Wraith 5 started.

"What's that?", Havoc asked

"A place where you continue your education beyond High school.", replied Wraith 5 matter-of-factly.

Rhett tried to ignore that last comment as he realized that was two minutes of his life he'd never get back.

Rhett decided to bring the conversation back on track, "I Have a feeling he's not the only one who's tired.", he commented as he scanned the bus seats and noticed most of the forummers had fallen asleep or were trying to. "I suppose, we should get all get some sleep"

"But Rhett, we'll lose a lot of time!" Havoc cried after hearing Rhett's suggestion, "We can't just park the Bus all night!"

"I know, but no one is awake enough to drive" Rhett replied flatly.

"I can drive, Rhett.", it was Dash, "All that Cheese has stopped me up worse than a wookie's shower drain! I couldn't sleep right now, if I wanted to."

"There's just one small problem with that idea", a nervous Sherack spoke up at hearing his life was being placed in Dash's hands.

"I don't think Rommel would be a problem If I drove", Replied Dash.

"No, not that small problem the other small problem: I thought you didn't know how to drive a bus!" replied a worried Sherack.

"Hey, if a dog can do it, than I certainly can! How hard could it be?" Dash replied confidently.

Rhett was going to reply, but exhaustion got the better of him. So he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Have at it! Just remember, we're heading to Iowa to pick up my brother, Chase, and then straight over to O'Hare. Got it?"

Suddenly from the back of the bus came an excited voice, "Alright! We're going to have a chase? Now this trip is starting to get good!" It was Heavyarms, his testosterone and adrenaline levels off the charts as usual.

"I didn't say a chase, I said we'd pick up Chase on the way to O'Hare!" Rhett replied flatly, so tired his temper was climbing.

"Well of course we'd have to pick up the pace if were going to be chasing a rabbit!" Heavyarms responded, so excited now, he was almost out of his seat.

"What the hell are you talking about?", shouted a very annoyed Rommel, "All your stupid excitement and yelling has cut my nap short!" Snickers and muffled laughter filled the bus.

"I'm not as stupid as you think, guys!, Replied Heavyarms, "I know that the other name for a rabbit is a hare!" He quickly added beaming proudly.

"Not a hare you twit, O'Hare as in, the airport!" Snapped a now very tired and very angry Rhett.

"That doesn't make any sense. Why would we be chasing an airport?" asked a thoroughly confused Heavyarms.

"We're not chasing anything, you dote!", cried an exasperated Rommel, "Can't you just let it go, sit down, and be quiet!"

"I don't know, Rommel, that's a pretty tall order.", Havoc answered with smirk. Again, more snickers and muffled laughter filled the bus.

Rhett tried one more time, "We're going to go to Iowa to pick up Chase Windu, my brother, before heading to O'Hare international Airport in Chicago, Illinois. Now do you get it?"

At first Heavyarms seemed a little bummed at the news there was going to be no high speed chase, but then he perked up and asked, "Wait a second, Your brother is Mace Windu?"

"Dude, has reality ever caught up with you?" asked an amazed Wraith 5.

This whole time, Dash had already seated himself behind the wheel, got the bus back on highway, and had been making tracks for Iowa. And as the bus approached the border of Minnesota and Iowa, there was one last exit marked Interstate 90 East to Wisconsin. At the sight of Wisconsin, Dash forgot all about his cheese induced bout of constipation.

Instead, all he could think about was all that famous Wisconsin cheddar, and, of course, one of those foam cheese-head hats. Amidst all the yelling and arguing, no one seemed to notice the bus take that fateful exit onto I-90 east towards Wisconsin and all that wonderful cheese.

darthfergie
07-31-2002, 12:00 PM
Ch. 10: Cheese Nips

It morning because you can tell from the loud horn going off inside the bus. The bus had been parked outside a Cheese Factory and a lonely figure had his head resting on the horn. It was Dash...or at least some THINK it was Dash. Many would say he would never Dash again

"AWWW GEEZ!!!" *KaPow!*"Did I hit 'em?"

"GAH!!! MY MAGAZINE!!!" yelled Rhett.

"Necesary casuality of war" replied HeavyArms in a grogy tone.

"Ruff arf yip BARK!"

"Aww shutup Eets, we're not gonna let you out of the bus to go after some girl dog again."

"RUFF GRRRRROOOOOWWWL"

"Don't use that tone with me Mister!...OH CRAP I JUST SAID THAT?!?!? Gimmie my magazine...ahhhhhhhhh"

"Hey guys for some reason I don't think Dash will ever be small again" said Rommel.

*Snickering*

"HEY I'M SERIOUS GUYS! HE'S GIANT!"

*Sherack falls of his seat laughing so hard*

"Oh my oh my oh my. It looks like Dash has consomed enough mass to be consumed by that mass...thus critical mass is at hand." said Wraith 5

"What are you talking about?"

"Look at the bloating and widening of the stomach here and examine these fragments of yellow dairy products all over his chest. Only one conclusion can be made. His passion of cheese has absorbed him." said Wrath 5.

"Hmmm. Well I guess we can take him into my brother's house and leave him there to recover." said Rhett.

"Um...Rhett...that big factory over there doesn't look like your house...and I don't see a tree for miles...just buildings." said Havoc

"Huh? HAvoc did you steal some of my...oh...crap."

*unanimously* "DASH!" "Why did you go to Wisconson!?!?"

*groan*"Must you really ask? I was weak I was down to two rolls of cheese and Wisconson is the cheese capitol of the world. Heck I don't know why it ISN'T THE capitol of the world! Hmmmm. I'm hungry."

*And Dash promtly falls back to sleep*

"Somebody move him. We've got to get going." said Rhett.

"Don't look at me. He's too big!" replied Rommel.

*Laughter burst out from under Sherack's seat*

"Havoc you and I can move him...Eets come over here and help us."

"Ruff Yip"

"Hey come on Eets this guy is HEAVY."

*Havoc and Rhett slowly move Dash, but because of his wieght it is slow going...until Eets bit Rhett's Anckle that is*

*Havoc just stood there in wonder* "I've never seen anybody move that fast since my wife found out about...erm...yeah. Anyway...How in the world did you carry a 500 pound ballon to the back of the bus in .07 seconds?"

"Yip Woof"

"I'm gonna kill you Eets!"

"Arf yip woof woof ruff bark"

"Dang it. Your right. Who WOULD I have to save me?"

"Depends on the type of saving. If you need saving from a bear or a Terrorist...have no fear. For I am here!" boasted HeavyArms

"But if you need saving from my wife your dead." said Havoc.

"Well at least we're not too far off track. Since Wisconson is inside America and..."

"WHAT!?!?!? AMERICA?!?!?!? YEEEEEHOOOO!!!!"

*before anyone could stop him Sherack bolted upwards to run outside...unfortunatly the bolt was stoped by the top of the seat*

"Well at least he didn't go kiss the ground like they do in all those movies."

"Hey guys. Can one of you grab me some more cheese. I'm out."

*Rhett climbed into the driver's seat and started pulling away*
"NOOOOO I NEED MY CHEESE!"

"You'll get it." said Havoc as he closed his eyes.

*WHAAAM!!! CRASH!!! THUD!!!*

"Heheheheheh! It's raining CHEESE!!!"

*As the bus pulled out of the opposite parking lot it you look back you could see the Factory's South Wing collapse to the floor and Police Cars rushing to the scene. Turning at the light Rhett pulled onto the interstate and left the Cheese Capitol behind*

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I NEED CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!!"

Tie Guy
07-31-2002, 12:32 PM
Geez...i never thought my cheese joke would go so far....:)

anyways, great chapters. I laughed so hard that i'm cramping up....no wait...thats because i just played a tennis match in 100 degree whether....but it was still funny. :D

I guess Artoo's next...

darthfergie
07-31-2002, 12:39 PM
Nah...not yet. We still have to pick up Chase.

Boba Rhett
07-31-2002, 12:57 PM
Oh man, I so have to be the one picking Chase up! :D

Dibs! DIBS!

Artoo
07-31-2002, 03:01 PM
OK, I wanna write the O'Hare chapter, not the Chase Chapter. So go right ahead Rhett, it's yours. (like you need my consent)

I call O'Hare right after Rhett!!!


Next chapters:

Rhett
Artoo

Oh and you'll need to modify your map a little fergie. ;)

edit: oh yeah, Most Excellent Chapters All 3 Of You Guys. :D

Jatt13
07-31-2002, 03:54 PM
great chapters, guys!:D that was great!

darthfergie
08-01-2002, 12:07 AM
*bows for the cheering fans and while bowing bashes his head on the keyboard and is out cold*

Boba Rhett
08-01-2002, 01:07 PM
I'm about half way done with the next chapter guys but it's going to be a few hours. My computer is in for repairs and I won't get it back until this afternoon. :)

Artoo
08-01-2002, 01:20 PM
OK Rhett, I have a solution to your problem. You see there is this thing called a pencil. It's not a very complex thing. It has a red blunt end, and a grey pointy end. You take the grey pointy end and you press it down and move it around on this other thing. This other thing is called paper. It is very thin and flat, and if you aren't careful it will cut you. Anyway it makes a perfect surface for this pencil to make marks on, and the best part is that the red blunt end can make all your mistakes go away if you just rub it on the mistakes. Now all this together is called writing, and once you have it written out and your computer is fixed you can type all the words you have written and it will be just like typing it in the first place! Now what say we put these amazing inventions of "pen" and "pencil" to use. ;)


:D (I just had to do that.) :D

Jatt13
08-01-2002, 03:47 PM
yay! over 100 posts! happy!:D #101, baby!

i mean on this topic, not me. i only have 56.:(

Crazyus Dogus
08-01-2002, 03:48 PM
LOL:lol:

However while I was on holiday (vacation) I started writing another tale called You Only Spam Twice . I got the theme song finished.

Jatt13
08-01-2002, 03:53 PM
Yes!! someone with less posts than me! it's a miracle!!:D

Crazyus Dogus
08-01-2002, 04:07 PM
Wait 'till u see my real account.



:p :p :p :p :p :p :p

Wraith 5
08-01-2002, 05:49 PM
Well since you all seem to think i state the Obvious, i have changed my title to match your options of me :D ;)

Tie Guy
08-01-2002, 06:18 PM
Originally posted by Wraith 5
Well since you all seem to think i state the Obvious, i have changed my title to match your options of me :D ;)

Just because its written in the story doesn't mean your like that. I mean, we don't think that rhett is a crazy drunken pervert.....ok, bad example. :D

darthfergie
08-01-2002, 07:46 PM
Speaking of that. C-Dog what is up? I thought Rhett took care of your password prob...

Boba Rhett
08-01-2002, 11:31 PM
Gah! I still haven't gotten my computer back! :mad: They had some problems.



The reason he still is using that name is because for some odd reason he used his father's work email in his account. so his password was sent to his dad. :D But 'm going to change his email then have it sent to him.

Crazyus Dogus
08-02-2002, 06:09 AM
I hope so.:)


When is the next chapter going to be and who is writing it?

STTCT
08-02-2002, 08:22 AM
rhett..but he's having some personal computer problems...


:compcry: <-----rhett :D

darthfergie
08-02-2002, 10:34 AM
that smilie is screwy...heres the regular one...

http://indigo.ie/~owenc/starwars/images/pc2.gif

STTCT
08-02-2002, 10:57 AM
i told u he was having problems

Sherack Nhar
08-03-2002, 01:07 PM
I'm afraid Rhett is gone for another week for a family reunion to Mineapolis :(

What do we do now?

Eets
08-03-2002, 01:40 PM
Originally posted by Sherack Nhar
I'm afraid Rhett is gone for another week for a family reunion to Mineapolis :(

What do we do now?

We throw a party! w00t w00t!

:elephant: :monkey4: :cheers: :urpdude: :grnbounc: :sing9:

Jatt13
08-03-2002, 09:30 PM
whoo-hoo!! a party! will there be more free stuff? ;)


i'm gonna be gone for a week to camp, so i'll see you guys later! artoo would be too, but he wimped out :mad: oh, don't give me any excuses a/b being a squad leader, she said most people wouldn't be there anyway!:rolleyes: oh well.

Artoo
08-03-2002, 11:14 PM
Wimped out!?!?! I have obligations! Think of how cold my chair will get without me, and my computer will become detached from not getting it's daily usage! :D

Anyway, I'm thinking of coming up on Friday... maybe. Oh well, the director is changing everything and I've gotta be on top of it. Gotta set an example ya know.

And as for Rhett being gone, well I don't know what to do about it. How about we skip over Chase and come back for him later what say? Just to keep it moving. I'll get cracking on my chapter tonight, hopefully it will be up by tomorrow night. So who am I picking up at the airport. The only people I can think of are,

Wraith 9
Crazy Dog
Young David
Paragon Leon

Someone say something if there is someone else.

darthfergie
08-04-2002, 12:58 AM
I say we get to crackin on Rhett's head! Getting on the internet with a 56k sucks so I just wasted like 30 minutes getting to this page to find out that Rhett had abandoned us!

DashRendar
08-04-2002, 10:35 AM
O my! A week without Cheese! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You know what's interesting...I come from a cheese making family that originated in Wisconsin...what a coincidence!

Tie Guy
08-04-2002, 02:28 PM
Originally posted by DashRendar
O my! A week without Cheese! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You know what's interesting...I come from a cheese making family that originated in Wisconsin...what a coincidence!

I never even knew! I thought it was just a mildly funny joke that wouldn't go anywhere. :D

Artoo
08-04-2002, 02:47 PM
Originally posted by Tie Guy


I never even knew! I thought it was just a mildly funny joke that wouldn't go anywhere. :D

Hehehehehe... that's what you thought, but I had the chapter after you, and I seized the oppurtunity to develop Dash's personality to one that was easy to joke about. :D

Anyway, I couldn't work any last night, but this afternoon looks hopeful. It will be done before Rhett's, I can promise that. I hope. :rolleyes:

Boba Rhett
08-05-2002, 02:05 PM
Wait! I would never abandon you guys! I am in Minneapolis though. Geez, you go away for a day or to and everyone stabs you in the back. :p I brought the chapter with me! I'll try and get it up soon. :)

Artoo
08-05-2002, 04:09 PM
OK, get it up. I am writing my chapter as we type. Of course I've been quite busy, otherwise it would be up yesterday.

C'Mon Rhett get that chapter up. :D

Wraith 5
08-05-2002, 04:33 PM
hey come on give the man a break there is a lot to see in the great state of Minnesota!!

There the new science musiem, the twins, the Mall of Ameraica, umm.....


Wait thats about it!!!!


What kinda state do i live in that we only have thouse 3 things to see...

jediduo
08-06-2002, 06:25 PM
Guys and girl, don't depend on me to write a chapter anytime soon. I will be on vacation without a computer handy.

Artoo
08-06-2002, 09:43 PM
Well Rhett, are you going to post your chapter??? I'm waiting on you to begin mine. I need to know of any interesting developments. That's why I'm waiting. Well it's been several days, I kow it's a special time and all, but c'mon! Post it and let us laugh! Either that or let me get started on mine.

DashRendar
08-06-2002, 11:03 PM
Dash pops in a Cheese Factory tour video that he...uh...borrowed from the cheese store while he waits for the trip to start up again.

Havoc Stryphe
08-08-2002, 01:47 PM
Gah! I'm having LotS flashbacks...


Rhett, where's the next chapter?! :(

We need to bring this to a close if we're ever going to pick a winner! :p

Boba Rhett
08-08-2002, 01:54 PM
Im working on it right now! ;)

Tie Guy
08-08-2002, 02:03 PM
Originally posted by Boba Rhett
Im working on it right now! ;)

You've said that for the past week and a half!

Boba Rhett
08-08-2002, 03:24 PM
Chapter 11: Cows a Plenty


After several hours of driving, three cheese withdrawals from Dash, seven trips over Rommel and five, "AHHH It's my wife! She's found us!" nightmares from Havoc, they had finally reached the Northeastern Iowa border.



"Ok guys. We're entering Iowa now. Take a look around. Isn't it beautiful?" Rhett commented.

“…What’s that smell?” Asked Havoc

“Oh that? That’s the rendering plants, fertilizers and cow manure. You’ll get used to it… or you’ll die. Whatever.”

"Wow Rhett, Iowa sure is a pleasant pla… -- Holy ****! What the **** is that!?" Screamed Sherack.

"What?! What!?!" Yelled a startled Rhett as he slammed on the brakes sending Rommel sliding under the seats and hitting his head on the back of Rhett's chair and Eets flying into the windshield yet again.

"What is it, Sherack?!"

"Wha.. wha.. what's… THAT!" muttered the now shaking Sherack as he pointed to something in a nearby field.

"Is it cheese?!" screamed Dash as he pressed his face to the window for a better look.

"I wanna see! I wanna see!" Yelled Rommel who was now underneath Havoc's seat.


"You mean that?" Asked a now impatient Rhett.

"YES! Th-th-that!" squeeked Sherack

"That's a cow, Sherack."

"Oh…. What is….. cow?"

*sigh* "You explain it to him, Dash. I'm going to go ask the farmer who's holding the cows leash for directions."

"It's where cheese comes from!" yelled a visibly excited Dash to Sherack as Rhett jumped out of the bus and started walking over to the farmer.

"A cow on a leash? These Iowans are into some messed up ****" Commented Havoc who was now holding Rommel on his shoulders.



"Hello. Mister uhhh…?"

"Jebadiah Smith. Smith for short. …Would you like to buy a cow?"

"Err.. um.. no thanks. I was actually wondering you if you could tell me how to get to-"

"You sure you don't want to buy a cow?

"Yes I'm… quite sure. Anyway, as I was saying. Could you give us directions to Sioux City, Iowa?"

"Oh! Traveling to the big city are ya? You take the road you're on for fifty miles, then take it again for another fifty miles…. and then again for another hundred miles. Then turn right at the old Mill and go another twenty miles. Then you'll be there!"

"Ok, thanks Mister Smith."

"No problem sunny. You sure you don't want to buy a cow?"

"Yeah I'm sure. Well, by!" Rhett said as he jogged back to the bus.

"Ok guys. I know the way now. You can all go back to sleep."

"Did he offer to sell the cow?"

"Yeah, how'd you know, Dash?"

"Why didn't you buy the cow!" Screamed Dash as he leapt at Rhett. "Cheese! CHEESE! Cows make cheese!"

"Woah! Easy, Dash. Would somebody tie him to his seat or something?"

"I'm way ahead of ya." Said Havoc as he got out a roll of duct tape from under his seat.


Rhett pulled the bus back onto the road, nearly knocking over a passing tractor and they where on their way again.




They where well into Iowa now when Rhett noticed that they where nearing Ames, where Kurgan lives.

"Hey guys! Let's stop and say hi to Kurgan while we’re here!"

"Kurgan? Who's he?" Squeeked Rommel who was laying inside Havoc's backpack.

“Yassee Rommel, Kurgan is-

*CATHUNK*

*CUTHUNK*

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”


“GAH! We’ve just ran over something, Rhett!” Yelled Havoc

Rhett slammed on the brakes and ran outside to the back of the bus to investigate. Moments later he walked back into the bus.

“It’s Kurgan.”

*GASP*

“We ran over Kurgan!? Yelled Sherack.

“No….. We hit his pet cow. He was out taking her for a walk. He’s a weeping mess. It’s best we leave him be and head on. Poor guy.”

Rhett started the bus back up and they continued down the road. Havoc, Rommel and Sherack ran to the back of the bus to see the incident. Out of the window they could see a man alongside the road cradling a cow in his arms and could hear his screams.

“Daisy!!! Don’t do this to me, Daisy! Take me, Lord! Take me! *sob* Why? *sob* WHHHYYYYYYY???!!!!”

Havoc looked over to Rommel and Sherack in disbelief.

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. These Iowans are into some messed up ****.”



Several hours later the bus rolls up outside of were they are supposed to pick Chase up at. A man holding a backpack and a soggy, paper bag lunch is standing outside by the driveway.

“Who’s that?” Commented Shearck.

“That’s Chase!” Rhett yelled as he flung open the doors and started yelling out to Chase.

“Hey Chase! How ya been? Well, come along now and get in the bus. We have a long way to go and a lot of stops to make.”

Chase stood there Silently.

“Chase? You ok?” Asked a worried Rhett.

This isn’t the Mini bus. Mommy told me only to get on the Mini bus when I go to school.”

“You’re not going to school, Chase. You’re going to come with us to the forum party, remember? “

“Oh yeah… but… I don’t know anybody on the bus. Mommy says I shouldn’t talk to strangers.”

“Oh come on Chase, you know who they are now get on the bus!”

“Well…. Ok.”

Chase climbed up the bus stairs and started walking towards the end of the bus but stopped when he got to Havoc. He then pulled something from his pocket, held it in front of Havoc and proudly proclaimed…

“This is my baseball. Have you seen my baseball?”

“Err… that’s not a baseball but it sure is a fine banana.” A nervous Havoc replied.

Tears began to well up in Chase’s eyes. He threw the banana on the ground and ran to the back of the bus crying.

“What did I do, Rhett?”

“Don’t sweat it Havoc. In am minute or two he’s bound to see a butterfly or something and forget about the whole thing.”

Rhett kicked the bus into gear and started back on the road. Meanwhile, in the back of the bus Chase was finding himself a seat…

*sniff* *sniff* “Mmmmm… this seat smells like the one I sit on in the Mini bus! I think I’ll sit here.”

“That’s great, Chase.” Yelled Rhett from the front of the bus. As this was happening, Eets jumped onto the seat beside Chase.

“Ruff!” (“hi!”)

“MMMMM!! Food!” Chase yelled as he scooped up Eets and dangled him above his mouth.

“Reeuff Riff Ruff Ruff Raff RUUFF!” (“Help! This crazy **** is gonna eat me!”)

Rhett casually began to speak to Chase.

“Chase… that’s not food.”

“No eat?”

“That’s right Chase. No eat. Now why don’t you put him down and take a nap.”

“Oh ok. I like naps.” Chase said as he tossed Eets to the floor and immediately started snoring.

Everyone turned to Rhett, aghast at what just happened. Rhett just chuckled.

“Heh. Silly little guy. You just have to know how to talk to him…. You uhh…. You might want to move Eets and Rommel tot he front of the bus though, Sherack. Sometimes Chase wakes up hungry. Our old dog sure learned that one the hard way, let me tell ya!. Ahahahhaha! Ahahahhaaa… ahhhhhh…”

With that said, everyone slowly moved to the front of the bus and they were back on their way again. Finally, after two close calls with some slow moving tractors, hitting three more cows and having Rommel get stuck in a combine at a rest area, they rolled out of Iowa.

Silenthunter
08-08-2002, 03:35 PM
LOL! Great chapter Rhett! :D

Havoc Stryphe
08-08-2002, 03:41 PM
Originally posted by Boba Rhett
...“Hey Chase! How ya been? Well, come along now and get in the bus. We have a long way to go and a lot of stops to make.”

Chase stood there Silently.

“Chase? You ok?” Asked a worried Rhett.

This isn’t the Mini bus. Mommy told me only to get on the Mini bus when I go to school.”

“You’re not going to school, Chase. You’re going to come with us to the forum party, remember? “

“Oh yeah… but… I don’t know anybody on the bus. Mommy says I shouldn’t talk to strangers.”…

“This is my baseball. Have you seen my baseball?”

“Err… that’s not a baseball but it sure is a fine banana.” A nervous Havoc replied.




:eyeraise:..........................





...........................





..............





......



....

:lol: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

That was great Rhett!

Darth Homer
08-08-2002, 07:01 PM
...and having Rommel get stuck in a combine at a rest area :lol:

LOL!! Good job, Rhett...definitely worth the wait!

DashRendar
08-08-2002, 07:51 PM
*stands up taking seat with him*

Thmmm wmmm grmmm Rhmmm! *spits out gag* Now can we stop at the next Farm? I need some cheese...or at least some curds! Heck I'll even take American!

O and you asked about how I knew he offered you a cow? *takes piece of paper off of window and shows it to Rhett*

If you can't read my writing it says: Will take cow cheap, or expensive, talk to Bus Driver, or his dog, thank you.

Sherack Nhar
08-08-2002, 08:41 PM
:rofl: Best. Character. Ever :D

If I was still an admin I would probably have changed Chase's rank to 'Mamma's boy' ;)

Hmmm... Rhett is an admin... *winks*

Boba Rhett
08-08-2002, 10:41 PM
Thank you. Thank you. :)


ROFL. Should I change it? :D


"Mini Bus Man"

"Mama's Boy"

"Lookit Ma Basebawwll!!"

:D


Oh yeah, and Chase.... Bring it little man! :p

Tie Guy
08-09-2002, 12:15 AM
Hmmm....am i the only one who didn't think that was hilarious? No offense, Rhett, it was a good chapter, and i laughed, but i laughed much harder at some of the other characters and scenes. Just kinda odd, me just sitting here with everyone else cracking up. Oh well, to each his own, i guess.

Darth Homer
08-09-2002, 01:26 AM
my name for Chase:

Yoda's B*tch!

hehe, have I made the list yet?

Boba Rhett
08-09-2002, 02:03 PM
Must you always bring down the party, Tie? :bored: :dozey:

It's like someone standing up in the middle of a funny movie and going, "That's not funny. What's wrong with you people?" :)

Tie Guy
08-09-2002, 03:03 PM
Originally posted by Boba Rhett
Must you always bring down the party, Tie? :bored: :dozey:

It's like someone standing up in the middle of a funny movie and going, "That's not funny. What's wrong with you people?" :)

Oh crap! Are you not supposed to do that? ;)

Really, though, i just don't get whats so funny? Chase never acts like that that i've seen? Of course, he's not my brother but...

Besides, its not like i hated your chapter or anything. It was good, just not the best, IMO.

BTW, i hate parties. (honestly)

darthfergie
08-09-2002, 07:59 PM
*talks like Wraith 5*

Really Tie, Rhett was only showing, in the story of course, that Chase, his brother, was like any normal brother...that is to say...strange. So the Chase character in the story is thusly the epitome of the average brother...again...strange.

Artoo
08-10-2002, 01:25 AM
Chapter 12: My head's all hurty

To paraphrase snoopy (one of the greater writers of our time) it was a dark and stinky night. Rhett’s quote brilliant portable pringle can latrine system or P.P.C.L.S. 2000 was starting to look more like a smelly amorphous blob than a Pringles can. Rhett knew it was getting bad when Chase came up to him and said, “Rhett, I think someone had an uh-oh in the back of the bus. I also found this big wad of brown clay in the back that’s fun to play with. Would you like to play with some?”

Rhett having noticed that everyone had retreated to the back of the bus to get away from Chase simply stated, “No,” and pulled the bus into the next rest stop he saw.

They all exited the bus and headed for the 7/11. Inside everyone was browsing around except for Rhett who was trying to dispose of the reeking mass. He couldn’t decide whether to flush it or throw it away. Suddenly behind him he heard the clerk say, “Sir if not micro waving that burrito you are to the freezer back it goes.” Thinking on the fly he shoved it into the microwave, set for 5 minutes, and slowly backed away.

It was at this point when Rommel suddenly cried out, “Oooo! Look! Mage Knight packs! I love Mage Knight! It is the best game of miniatures, and who doesn’t love miniatures?” It was hard for everybody to control the excessive laughter that welled up inside of them, but it was too much for poor Sherack, who collapsed into a laughter preventative seizure.

Dash looked at Rommel and said, “Maybe we should do something?”

“Really?” Rommel replied.

“Naaaaaaah,” said Dash as he reached into Sherack’s pocket and pulled out his wallet. “Sweet Yoda’s Toupee! There must be $300 in here!” exclaimed Dash. He strode up to the counter and proudly stated, “I want all the cheese I can get with this,” as he handed the clerk the $300.

“Sir, players of hockey on back American money no have,” he said as he looked at the bills.

“Well, just give me all the cheese this will get me,” said Dash. “Coming right up Sir,” replied the clerk.

“Wadeaminute,” said Dash, “You just spoke perfect English.”

“Yeah,” said the clerk, “I just like being a jack*** and screwing with the heads of weak-minded people such as yourself.” He came back in a minute holding a small green package with some hot dog tongs, which he set on the counter in front of Dash. “There you go. This package of string cheese is about the size your price range allows.”

“What abomination is that!” exclaimed Dash.

“This is a package of string cheese I had forgot and left on my radiator back in ’87,” replied the clerk.

“I’m almost too disgusted to eat this,” Dash said as he popped it into his mouth.

Outside Havoc was finally facing the music and checking in with his wife. Heavyarms seeing this walked up to him and immediately began snapping his arm up and down while making a whipping sound. Havoc immediately said to his wife, “Say Honeysugarnummymuffinfluffernuttercocoabunch one of my good friends on the bus would like to talk to you.” He put the phone up to Heavyarms face, which now resembled that of a toddler who had just crapped himself. Heavyarms picked up the phone with a fear that can only be compared to that of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming space shuttle. “I’ll leave you two here to chew the fat,” said Havoc as he walked in the 7/11.

“What is that noise?” asked Rhett.

Wraith5 replied, “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that it is the sound of a man about Heavyarms stature being beaten mercilessly into a pay phone booth wall by a hand about the size of Havoc’s wife sticking out of the receiver.”

“Is that what they teach you in college these days?” replied Havoc.

“Why of course, what do you think they teach us? Math?” Wraith5 replied. Everyone chuckled at this thought except of course for Heavyarms who was forcefully being reintroduced to the phone book.

“Well we better get a move on,” said Rhett while glancing at the microwave timer. Everyone exited the 7/11 and boarded the bus. Eets completely wired from just downing thirteen 6 packs of Red Bull, four 12 packs of jolt, and 3 hits of speed (the cheapest and by far safest among the 3) readied his little bantha horns (remember them?), and prepared to drive for the rest of the trip. As they were about to pull out Heavyarms's bloodied form flew through one of the side windows and landed in his seat albeit sideways.

“Heavyarms, are you okay?” asked Sherack.

“G** D*** S***** M***** F******!!!” exclaimed Heavyarms.

“Yes he’s okay,” replied Rhett, “Let’s get this freak show on the road.”

“I take offense to that!” said Rommel, “I’ll have you know my father was a bearded lady!” Everyone chuckled to themselves on this new insight except of course for Rhett who was starting to sweat at the palms, but not because of the bearded lady. It was because he had just heard a muffled thump in the distance, and was hearing sirens coming down the road.

Early the next morning Wraith5 awoke and looked around for minute and then stated, “Man Rhett, this is one long tunnel we’re in.”

“Welcome to Chicago,” said Rhett, “If the world had armpits this’d be it.” He said as he pulled into O’Hare.

“What plane are we supposed to be looking for?” asked Havoc.

“Ooooooooooo!!! Airplanes! Is that an airplane?” Chase inquired pointing to a Starbucks.

“No.” stated Rhett.

“Is that an Airplane?” he asked again pointing to a Starbucks across from the first one.

“No.” stated Rhett again.

“Is that an airplane?” he asked pointing to a small building.

“No, that was where the security station used to be now it’s becoming a Starbucks,” stated Rhett, “If you ask that one more time we are leaving you here.”

To this Chase asked, “What is time?” and the group stood still.

Dash, thinking on the fly, quickly replied, “Well, time is like a donut being shot out of a cannon at the speed of light except without the cannon or the donut.”

“My head’s all hurty, I’m going to lay down back in the bus,” said Chase.

“Good Boy,” replied Rhett. He then looked out at the tarmac and exclaimed, “Look! There they are!”

“How can you tell?” asked Wraith5.

“See the people who look like they have a reason to live?” stated Rhett.

“That looks like Wraith9, and Leon, and Crazy Dog, and there’s David!”

They welcomed their friends as they exited the plane and quickly got acquainted quickly.

Rhett said, “Before we go, I need to get some coffee so my kidney doesn’t give out and I can pass a sobriety test.” Everyone chuckled at this comment. “No, I’m serious guys, I need some coffee.”

“Well I think I saw a Starbucks right over there,” said Wraith5. Rhett just stared at him and then began to walk towards the closest Starbucks.

When he arrived he came up to the counter and saw what could only be described as an android programmed to be nothing but perky. “Hi!” it said. “Would you like to get our ultra-mega-deluxe dark mocha java light light sugar-free sodium-free fat-free crappafrappacappuccino combo meal!?! It only costs the mortgage on your house!”

“She scares me!” shouted Dash as she tried run away but wound up hitting a wall and falling into unconsciousness.

“I think I’ll just have a strong black coffee,” said Rhett.

“Black coffee!?! Is that some kind of code word!?! Are you a terrorist!?! Terrorist! Terrorist!!! TERRORIST!!!” she shouted.

Rhett saw some men armed with assault shotguns come charging out of a door and knew that it was time to leave. “C’mon guys! We need to exit quickly! Leon, you and David grab Dash and follow us!” he said as he began hauling for the bus parked outside.

They all barely managed to get onboard as Eets, still tanked on Red Dog, Jolt, and Speed, and floored it heading out of O’Hare.

Another thank you to Chuckles, though not as big as the last one. Oh andunlike some people it doesn't take me a week and a half to get a chapter up. ;)

:p :D :) [

Darth Homer
08-10-2002, 03:00 AM
very good! LOOK!! A STARBUCKS!!! :D :D

Tie Guy
08-10-2002, 01:14 PM
LOL, great chapter, artoo!

Eets
08-10-2002, 01:30 PM
*smacks artoo upside the head*

It's Young David!

Awesome story nonetheless! :D

Jatt13
08-10-2002, 11:12 PM
good chapters, rhett and artoo! well, i'm back! i had a great time at camp, and artoo never came up. loser. ;) anyway, keep up the good work! so, who has the next chapter?

darthfergie
08-11-2002, 10:32 PM
Outside Havoc was finally facing the music and checking in with his wife. Heavyarms seeing this walked up to him and immediately began snapping his arm up and down while making a whipping sound. Havoc immediately said to his wife, “Say Honeysugarnummymuffinfluffernuttercocoabunch one of my good friends on the bus would like to talk to you.” He put the phone up to Heavyarms face, which now resembled that of a toddler who had just crapped himself. Heavyarms picked up the phone with a fear that can only be compared to that of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming space shuttle.

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!

Good chapter Artoo! BTW, who are we picking up next? I blanked.

Darth Homer
08-11-2002, 10:53 PM
Well, according to the map that...uhm...YOU made, we're heading through Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, and South Carolina

Wolfman in in NC and i'm in NC....others may be along the way that I have forgotten, if so, my apologies

ps: http://66.250.145.38/attachment.php?s=&postid=738106

Artoo
08-12-2002, 11:05 PM
*bows* thank you, thank you. Oh, and about the name thing, I was trying to shorten everyone's name a little, sorry if anyone doesn't like that. Some names were short enough, some weren't, that's how it went.

And after consulting my psychic advisor (not Ms. Cleo) I have determined that NC is the next stop, so speak now or forever hold your peace if you are in the route before NC and want to be included in the story.

edit: Actually it was a Pringle's Can full of poo, and I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo on your hit list. :D

:cool:

Eets
08-12-2002, 11:41 PM
Man... Chase's hit list looks like the place to be!

How does one get there? May I come too? :D

Darth Homer
08-12-2002, 11:59 PM
I dunno, it's not as easy as it may seem...I tried once and didn't get on....here we go, How about changing Chase's rank to:

Little man!

or

Mr. Banana

or

El Retardo

hehe, I bet I'm on the list now!

Mitth'raw'nuruodo
08-13-2002, 12:07 AM
ACK!!! Get on the PA Turnpike real quick and stop by Pittsburgh now that I'm back from my cousin's house! :D Hope there's enough room left on the bus for a couple dozens boxes of instant hot chocolate and my favorite microwave! :D

Btw, GREAT chapters guys!!! LOL! This thread is so great! Artoo i loved your last chapter! Good job!!! Keep it comin guys! :D

Oh yes, I know I've been really busy and haven't been on for a while, but for any of you that don't know me, just refer to me as "Thrawn," thanks. :D

I don't wanna write the chapter about myself being picked up, but I would really like to write a chapter, so I got dibbs on the chapter after next. :D

*Starts packing his hot chocolate into backpacks*

Hope mom doesn't need the microwave whilst I'm gone. :D

Tie Guy
08-13-2002, 12:49 AM
Ooh, ooh. That means i'm next! I live in southern NC but i think ther is someone else in here too, but i can't remember his name at the moment.

darthfergie
08-13-2002, 01:01 AM
We'll swing by Pit real quick for a chapter...then we got Tie Guy, Homer, and Wolfman in NC.

2 maybe 3 chapters...who's feeling inspired?

Darth Homer
08-13-2002, 01:14 AM
WHOA!! I'm in SOUTH Carolina, not North....not that there's anything wrong with NC (actually, there's alot wrong with SC in my opinion), but I'd just like to keep things legit

Artoo
08-13-2002, 01:16 AM
*raises hand*

Ooo! Ooo! Not me! :D

Anyway you better redraw the map fergie. And make the Canada stops in proportion. ;)

WolfmanNCSU
08-13-2002, 09:08 AM
Alright, the bus is coming to NC. :cool:

darthfergie
08-13-2002, 10:20 AM
K...updated map...

BTW, I'm tinkin of doing Thrawn's chapter...(got inspired;) )

Havoc Stryphe
08-13-2002, 10:32 AM
Originally posted by darthfergie
K...updated map...


But Fergie, you don't have the line going into Iowa where we ran over Kurgan's cow and picked up Chase! I know the guy can't tell the difference between a baseball and a banana, but cut the guy a little slack! ;)

darthfergie
08-13-2002, 11:30 AM
Doh! Sorry bout that. I'll fix it sometime in the future;)

anyway on with the Chapter!

Chapter 13: Cell Phone Cavities

"Okay guys we are headed for...hmmm...North Carolina to pick up Tie Guy, Wolfman, and Then to South Carolina for Homer." said Rhett

"Brover, Is that in Never Never land?" asked Chase.

"No! Now get to the back of the bus...they like you back there"
*Imediate shouts of "Rhett your on somethin" and "YOU STUPID M***** F*****" were shot his way*"See! They really do like you so go to the back of the bus now."

"But it's dark back there. Will you take me and protect me from the goblins and googles?"

"GET BACK IN THE BACK OF THE BUS! NOW!!! Or else I'll stop this bus and we won't go another inch until you do!" yelled Rhett. (thinking)WHY IN HECK DID I JUST SAY THAT?(/thinking)

"No Rhett. You must be gentle to children. I should know. I've read over 4,226 parenting books in the last year." said Havoc.

"Yes small children must be taken care of with tenderness because they are to small to understand...what is he laughing about now?" *Sherack started banging his head into the side of the bus because he was laughing so hard.*

*just then Eet's cell phone rang*
"OOOOOOO Bing Bing! Me want bing bing. Big Brover...Can I have a bing bing?" whined Chase.

"No. It'll give you cavities." said Rhett.

"ARF WOOF YIP YOWL BARK" barked Eets.

"What did he say?" said Crazy Dog.

"Arf woof yip yowl bark." replied Wraith 5 matter of factly.

"In English though he said,'Hey we missed Thrawn.'" said Rhett.

*changing course to Pittsburg they get outside of town, but there is a huge traffic jam*
"Hey, what's the hold up?" Asks Rhett out the driver's window to a cop.

"Ah, it's those Pittsburg Steelers' Fans. They won their court case so now their marchin." replied the cop

"Pittsburg fans? I hate Pittsburg Fans..."
*reving up the engine and then squealing down the opposite lane of traffic and driving throughthe crowd of Steeler's fans*
*on the other side...*
"Hey Rhett...You've got a rider." said Leon.

"I go up and take him out." *HeavyArms starts to jump out of his seat and puts his head through the window...right when Rhett slams on the breaks*
*a figure is seen flying several feet in front of the bus*
"Hey, isn't that Thrawn?" asks Rhett

"He doesn't have a blue face so I see no resemblence to Thrawn evident at all." stated Wraith 5.

"dom Americans" said Young David
"ja, zeer dom. de hond bestaan bij de hand." said Leon

"It is Thrawn!" said Havoc ignoring Wraith 5

"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF--- Oh Hi guys! Didn't know you'd be here so quick. Hey lets swing by my house and get my microwave and stuff."

"Do you have a Fridge?" asked Dash

"Well yeah." replied Thrawn

*4 hours later (hey it's Pittsburg traffic what did you really expect?)*

"Ok, go get your stuff and me and Dash want to look around." said Rhett.

*walking inside the house*
"Okay...now where to they keep their brew...somewhere in here...they have to." mumbled Rhett.

*from the kitchen*
"I FOUND IT!" yelled Dash.

"MY BREW?!?!" running into the Kitchen.

"No...CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH"
*Dash runs out to the bus...munching all the way*

"Dang it...it's got to be here somewhere!"
*turns over the fridge*
"Dang it! No secret pannel in the back! grrrr"

"Hey Rhett I'm ready. I've got my microwave and three backpacks of chocolate...I hope I have enough to tide me over till we get to a store."

"Dang it...couldn't find it quick enough. grrrr"

*getting back into the bus*
"...off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard named Tie. Because because because of the wonderful things we do..." sang Chase

"Make him stop!" yelled Havoc "He's been doing this ever since he hear Tie was next. I tried to calm him...but..."

"SHUT UP CHASE!!!"

"Your so mean. Just because of that I'll sing the whole way! And I'll tell mom if you make me stop!"

"Great. He's in one of those moods...hey...Why hasn't HeavyArms already killed him?" asked Rhett

"He's knocked out like a little light...Stop laughing so much Sher! You almost seem like you've lost your mind in the giant expanse of reality...STOP IT SHER!" said Rommel

*As the bus starts up and drives off towards North Carolina...a wisp of laughter is in the air...along with a song "We're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard named Tie..."*

Tie Guy
08-13-2002, 12:16 PM
Originally posted by Darth Homer
WHOA!! I'm in SOUTH Carolina, not North....not that there's anything wrong with NC (actually, there's alot wrong with SC in my opinion), but I'd just like to keep things legit

Hehe. For one the entire law could be written on a post-it note. :D

Anyways, i would write one but of course i can't write about myself, that wouldn't be any fun. Hmm...maybe i'll do the one about SC.

Yeah, ok. I'll do the one after the next. Or whatever one it is when we pick up Homer.

BTW, good chapter, ferg.

darthfergie
08-13-2002, 01:55 PM
Originally posted by Tie Guy
BTW, good chapter, ferg.

Your just saying that because I called you a wonderful wizard;)

Artoo
08-13-2002, 02:55 PM
ROTFL Fergie! I loved the Blues Brothers reference! :D

Oh and alos about the map, Chicago is right next to Lake Michigan, not in the middle of the state. :rolleyes:

Eets
08-13-2002, 03:25 PM
I want to do another chapter! I promise it'll be funny this time. :D

Mitth'raw'nuruodo
08-13-2002, 03:27 PM
Good job Ferg! Glad to be on the bus guys! :D If no one else was planning on it, I'll write the chapter about picking up Tie? Any objections? (As if I even need to ask)

Eets
08-13-2002, 03:44 PM
Who is in GA or FL? I'll write one of those chapters! :D

Darth Homer
08-13-2002, 03:56 PM
Originally posted by Artoo
ROTFL Fergie! I loved the Blues Brothers reference! :D

Oh and alos about the map, Chicago is right next to Lake Michigan, not in the middle of the state. :rolleyes:

Ok, let's just say that the map is not drawn accurately and is a loose representation of our route...sheesh

Anywho, tie, I can't wait to read what you've got about me...:D

Tie Guy
08-13-2002, 04:53 PM
Originally posted by Darth Homer


Ok, let's just say that the map is not drawn accurately and is a loose representation of our route...sheesh

Anywho, tie, I can't wait to read what you've got about me...:D

Ok, and let me just warn you, there are gonna be a ton of South Carolina jokes. :D

Darth Homer
08-13-2002, 05:04 PM
fine by me...I hate this state anyway :D

Mitth'raw'nuruodo
08-13-2002, 07:34 PM
Well guys, here it is! Hope you all enjoy chapter 14! :D

Chapter 14: That's NOT a gopher!

It was the strange smell that woke him up from his mid-afternoon nap. "Ewww, what IS that stench?" thought Rommel as he crawled out from under his seat. "Hmm, it seems to be coming from up there" he thought, as he made his way towards the front of the bus.

"Nooo! Come back putty! I wannto plaaaaay!" cried Chase as he lept out of his seat after a furry black creature.

"Hey what's goin on up there?" said Sherack.

"Yeah we're trying to play poker back here and you're blockin the light!" said Dash as he looked up from his hand. Sherack took the oportunity to take a quick peek at his hand and immediately upped the bet.

"Sorry guys, but don't you smell that?"

"Oh, it's probably just that grandma we hit on our way outta Pittsburgh." put in Sherack.

Now it was Eets turn to cheat. He quickly shoved three of his cards into his bantha costume and brought out three different ones.

"Hey EETS!" said Thrawn.

"Arff???"

"Those cards are from a different deck! The back is BLUE not RED!!!" yelled Dash.

"Ruff arff bark yip!"

"Ohhhhh, I see," said Sherack.

"Gee I didn't realize they made the backs of aces a different color. Ok, my mistake," added Dash.

Meanwhile, Rommel was still investigating the strange smell, the little black furball, and Chase. "Man, they've got to be under ONE of these seats!" he thought. He suddenly heard a loud yelp from behind him. He turned just in time to see a little black furry creature go scurrying away under another seat.

"WAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!! He farted on my FACE!!! WAAAAAHHH!!!!" screamed Chase.

Now the smell was back stronger than ever. Groans and curses were heard from all over the bus as Chase ran to the front of the bus. Rhett however had blocked off the isle with his Anti-Spam Rod 3000.

"Rhett!!! He farted on me!!!!" whined Chase, still in tears.

"Um. . . Chase. . . that was a um. . . it was a skunk." said Rommel.

"A skunk?"

"Do you think he brought any cheese?" put in Dash, with a hopeful grin.

"Dash don't be ridiculous, he's a skunk." said Thrawn.

While Dash and Thrawn argued over why or why not a skunk would be carrying any reserves of cheese on him. Rhett fought to remain in control of the bus and not pass out from the horrible stench eminating from his little brother's face. Finally, he passed control of the bus over to Eets, while he, Sherack and Heavyarms opened all 76 windows on the monster of a bus.

Meanwhile up in front: "Arrf ruff arrff arf!!! (Hey, this thing has a RADIO!)" Suddenly the whole bus was filled with calm beautiful music:

*WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?! WOOF, WOOF WOOF, WOOF! WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?! WOOF, WOOF WOOF, WOOF! WHOOOOOOOO LET THE DOGS OUT?!*

"Ack! Turn that d*** thing OFF!" screamed Sherack.

Luckly it only took a few minutes to seize the front of the bus from a lone bantha poodle. Rhett took control of the vehicle while Thrawn and Dash held down Eets so that Heavyarms could duct tape him to a seat.

"Hey. . . I think the smell's goin away!" said Dash glad that his appetite was now returning.

"Look," said Sherack, "Chase has is head out the window." A chorus of Alleluias and Praise the Lords filled the bus.

"What?" asked Chase, bringing his head back inside.

"Nothing! Nothing at all." replied Dash "Look! A gopher!"

"Where?!" cried Chase sticking his head back out the window. "That's not a gopher! That's TIEGUY!"

Rhett slammed on the breaks (which luckily had just been replaced). "C'mon Tie! Get in here!"

As soon as Tie was on the bus, Rhett throttled up smashed through a guard rail and onto the on ramp of a nearby highway. "This should get us where we need to go, I think. . ."

Tie was glad to be onboard until he learned that Dash had mistaken him for a gopher. What followed could only be explained as. . . well I can't explain it but it happened.

Tie proceeded to launch into a full blown law suit over where it was ethical to refer to a human bean. . . err being as a gopher. Dash gave up the argument after a good 4 minutes, but Tie continued on and on. . . and on. . . and on. . . and on. . . and well you get the point.

*** 7 hours later ***

*Snore. . . yawn* "Hey Dash what time is it?" asked Thrawn.

"Uhh. . . 8:19 pm, why?" replied Dash.

"Cause I think Tie's still going. Oh well, back to bed"

"Back to bed" acknowledged Dash.

Tie after having made 17 major points, and stating 6,789 examples of simialar circumstances and their outcomes, decided to take a break before going to bed too. He strolled up to the front of the bus where Rhett was driving wide-eyed and open mouthed too. In fact a small puddle of drool had formed in his lap.

"Hey Rhett, aren't you beat?" asked Tie.

"No WAY! Check it out! See that convertable in front of us? If you tilt your head right, you can get a REAL good view! See the chick on the left is wearing a thong and a lace bra, the one on the right is wearing victoria's secrets panties and a sports bra!" said Rhett with a bit too much enthusiasm.

"Uh, ok Rhett whatever you say. I'm going to bed. Seeya in the morning"

Tie got no reply, so he just turned in, Rhett however drove the entire night without so much as blinking. Lucky for everyone, the chicks were headed to North Carolina at a good 80 mph, and with Rhetts mad driving skills they had no worries that they would make it to NC in plenty of time to pick up some new victims, err passengers.

Jatt13
08-13-2002, 08:01 PM
lol! good chap., thrawn! "WAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!! He farted on my FACE!!! WAAAAAHHH!!!!" screamed Chase. i think that calls for a rank change for chase, but i suck at making things like that, so i can't think of anything. o, well. anyway, good job! :D

Sherack Nhar
08-13-2002, 08:18 PM
At first I didn't think the overarguing Tie Guy character would work, but I'm glad I was wrong!! GREAT chapter, Thrawn!

And the aces-are-a-different-color joke... :thumbsup: :D

Darth Homer
08-13-2002, 08:38 PM
ok, let's see...Wolfman is next and then....ME!! :D

good chapter Mith'raw'uorrnnhah.....uh, Thrawn

Eets
08-13-2002, 09:46 PM
BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Oh god Thrawn.. That was f'ing awesome!!! :D

I laughed my arse off when you pulled the "Aces are a different color" joke! :D

Tie Guy
08-13-2002, 10:38 PM
Well, what can i say. I do argu...er....debate alot.

Good chapter.

I can't write it tonight, because i have a ton of summer reading to catch up on, so ihave to read all night practically. I'm on a break right now. ;)

But why didn't you pick up wolfman? He's above where i live in the state.

jediduo
08-14-2002, 12:36 AM
Well, I have now ruined a pair of boxers because I peed in them from laughing so hard. I just read the last three or four chapters all at once, and they were great. By the way, welcome Thrawn! I passed these out a little before you arrived (re-arrived?), but I had some extras.

*Hands Thrawn a platinum party kazoo*

I won't be able to write a chapter:mad: , so here's a couple things about me to help the author of the Florida chapter.

1. I am obsessed with import car racing, and am saving up to buy a Honda Civic.

2. I have a very small 1988 Ford Festiva hatchback right now. I hate it: its a piece of ****.

3. I have a quite stupid dog who enjoys rolling in his own feces.:eek:

4. I am convinced that someday I will marry Natalie Portman.

Hope this helps!

jediduo
08-14-2002, 12:40 AM
Oh yeah.... I also am a very big fan of weapons designed to make death a very messy thing. (grenades, turbolasers, disruptor pistols, etc.)

Boba Rhett
08-14-2002, 01:29 AM
Great chapters guys! I laughed really hard.


But Chase isn't my little brother. :)

Artoo
08-14-2002, 01:32 AM
Ehehehehehehehehehe, I would so claim the Florida chapter right now, but I really, really, really want Arkansas, which is right after it. Oh well. :o

Hurry up and finish your summer reading TieGuy! *looks at those 2 lonely books sitting on his nightstand* ehehe, ehe. Looks like I haven't even started mine yet. oops. :D

Oh and Rhett, he's little and he's your brother, therefore little brother. ;)

edit: I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo on the list by now.

Darth Homer
08-14-2002, 01:43 AM
I think Tie wanted to write the chapter about picking me up and we've still got WolfmanNCSU to pick up, so someone get on it! (I would do it, but i don't know him all that well and I suck at writing stories coherently)

Mitth'raw'nuruodo
08-14-2002, 01:46 AM
Originally posted by Eets
BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Oh god Thrawn.. That was f'ing awesome!!! :D

I laughed my arse off when you pulled the "Aces are a different color" joke! :D

Wow! I didn't think I'd get so much popular support! Not that i don't like it. :D I'm really glad you guys liked my chapter! I may have to write another one. . . :D

PS Thanks for the platinum kazoo. . . I think. :D

Havoc Stryphe
08-14-2002, 08:43 AM
Great Chapter Thrawn! The Representation of Tie was spot on! (Of course, I mean that in the best possible way, Tie! ;) )

This story is like a muppet's road trip. movin' right along! :D

WolfmanNCSU
08-14-2002, 09:26 AM
Whoa, I am next, sweet.

*Waits in anticipation*

(I would right some of the chapter, but I am not a very good writer, especially for a whole chapter)

Tie Guy
08-14-2002, 05:23 PM
*sigh*


Chapter 15: Deep South

“Aren’t we forgetting someone,” Tie said. “I know I’m not the only North Carolinian on the forums. “

“Doh!” Rhett exclaimed, “We forgot about Wolfman!”

“But Rhett, what about the chicks!” Dash exclaimed. By now practically everyone was watching the show, except for Chase, who was sent to the back to look for the “chickens,” and Rommel, who realized that even when standing on the seat he couldn’t see over the dashboard.

“I know! I know! But we have to go back!” Rhett slammed on the brakes and turned the wheel hard. The bus almost flipped over but finally regained its balance after hitting a large billboard on the side of the road.

“Where does he live?” asked Thrawn curiously.

“At college, I think” Replied Wraith 5.

“Where’s that?”

“A place where you continue your education after high school,” said Wraith 5 confidently.

“Will you shut up with that!?” shouted Rhett. “He lives in Raleigh, ok, at NC State University.”

They finally pulled up at the dorm and honked the horn several times. Way up on the top floor they saw a guy run out his door, look around nervously, and then jump off the top of the building. He landed on the bus with a thump, then bounced off onto the ground right by the door.

“Hey! That’s Wolman. What was he thinking?” Rhett opened the door and Wolfman lept inside hurriedly. “Geezes, man! Are you ok?”

“Its those stupid UNC fans! They are looting the campus!” He said. “Just because they won some football game!”

“Oh, so that’s what the parade was for.” Dash said.

“It ain’t no parade. We gotta get out of here! Those UNC people are crazy!” Wolfman pleaded with Rhett. Rhett, never one to ask questions, stepped on the gas. He ran right into the dorm, causing the entire thing to fall backwards.

“Arrf yip, yowl, bark!”
“Yes, I do know that the D means drive and the R means reverse.” Rhett argued. He threw the monstrous bus into reverse and stepped hard on the accelerator. He finally managed to turn the bus around while hitting only a few dozen cars. He shifted into drive and raced out of the state like a convict into Mexico.



As they came up on the state boarder, they saw some strange objects on the horizon. As they approached Rhett recognized them as the South Carolina National Guard, complete with soldiers and tanks. Heck, even the governor, who was standing on the boarder, had a colt .45 in his hand.

“Hahaha! You’ll never get your radioactive waste into my state you dang Yankees! Open fire!” The governor yelled as the bus neared the boarder line. Bullets and tank shells starting flying all around the bus. Each bullet that hit made a loud pinging sound as it dented the bus’s hull.

“We’re being shot at!” cried Wraith 5.

“Thanks for the info!” shouted Rhett in reply. He stepped on the accelerator and brought the bus up to near top speed. The bus flew across the boarder, crushing the roadblock and sending pieces of it flying. “Whew. I’m glad we’re passed that.” The bus was rittled with bullet holes and small dents, but for the most part still ran like a dream.

“Ok, now where does Homer live?” Someone in the back asked.

“According to the map his house should be right…there!” Rhett replied.

“Uh… Rhett? That’s a gas station,” Thrawn stated.

“Oh crap! My wife loves gas stations!” said a now nervous Havoc.

“Just shut up! We have to stop. We need gas anyways and I want to ask for directions,” said Rhett, now very annoyed.

Everyone hopped off the bus. Well, everyone except for Chase, who insisted that his mommy never said he could. On top of the gas station there were two huge signs. One read in flashy letters: VIDEO POKER. The other was written in red, white, and blue: FIREWORKS.

“Oooooooooh” Everyone said in unison, each looking at one of the two signs.

Heavyarms was the first in and immediately rushed for the nearest video poker machine. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter, which he put in the machine. Havoc and Wraith 5, Young David, and Leon did the same, but on separate machines. Sherack and Rommel checked out the food section pointing out everything they didn’t have in Canada, so basically everything. Eets ran wildly around the store, ripping things off the shelves and eating them immediately. Dash, of course, went in search of cheese. Everyone else helped in the effort to get as many cases of fireworks as they could.

“Hey, we’ll need a lot these for the party.” They reasoned.

“Aren’t those illegal?” Rhett asked.

“Nah,” the storekeeper interjected, “ain’t no nothin’ i‘legal in South Car’lina.”

“Oh, ok.” Rhett replied. “We’ll take them all.” Rhett paid for everything and started to leave. He looked over to where Heavyarms was playing poker.

“Why you ***** piece of ******* ****! You ******* cheated me you mother ******! Give me my ******* money back!” Heavyarms began to pound on the machine and then picked up a metal searing rod from a nearby shelf and began to beat the machine brutally, all the while shouting expletives at it. Rhett tried to pull him away but he kept running back to the machine and cursing at it and beating it again. Finally, three people were able to pry him away from the machine and back onto the bus. As the others walked outside they saw an old man with a shotgun in his hand and an old hound at his feet. Rhett was a little hesitant but he eventually went up to the man.

“Umm…Sir. Do you know how to get to Darth Homer’s house? I’ve been told he lives around here.”

The man replied in a very heavy accent, “Boy I tell you what boy I ain’t never hear no Homer I just take this har shotgun and shoot that thar dear like this.” The man raised his gun and fired into the woods. “Boy I tell you what boy I got that thar dear boy see boy go it that thar dear ole pal.” The dog ran off into the woods.

Rhett, somewhat amazed and confused by the old man started to go back to the bus when a man came out from behind the gas station.

“Hi, my name’s Darth Homer.” The man said.

“Hey! Darth Homer! How ya been?” Rhett asked.

“Not as good as your mother last night. Bada-bing!” Homer laughed. Rhett shook his head.

“Alright, lets just get on the bus and get going.” Rhett started to step up the bus. Homer looked at the bus.”

“What happened to this piece, run into a flock of sparrows? Bada-bing. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.”

“Ok, guys, that’s enough. This place is giving me the creeps, the sooner we get out of here the better.” Rhett said. As Rhett pulled out onto the highway what he saw could only be described as total chaos. Cars were piled up on the side of the road as far as the eyes could see. What was left on the road wasn’t much better. People bumped into each other left and right. Several cars ran directly into the bus as soon as it made the turn. “Geezes! Doesn’t anyone here know how to drive? Haven’t they heard of Driver’s Ed?”

“Arf, bark, arf arrf?” Eets said.

“Yes, Eets, I know you just got permit.” Rhett sighed.

“What’s Driver’s Ed?” Homer asked genuinely.

“You don’t have Driver’s Ed in south Carolina? How’d you learn to drive?” Asked Rhett.

“Drive?” Homer thought for a second. “Oh! You mean like in a car. You can just do it whenever you want, you don’t need a permit or license. It ain’t huntin’, boy.”

Rhett just shook his head and headed down the highway, trying to avoid the massive swarms of reckless drivers. “So, where are we going next?”

Eets
08-14-2002, 06:38 PM
*runs up and grabs onto Chase by the leg*

Oh thank you so very much, Mister Chase! ^_^

darthfergie
08-14-2002, 07:30 PM
Aww man! I didn't make the hit list. Now I'm all bumbed out.

BTW, Good chapter Tie Guy!:)

Darth Homer
08-14-2002, 08:12 PM
rotflmao!!! AHHHH!! That's great!! Good job, Tie!!

Everything is so accurate too...well, video poker has been outlawed, but I'm sure you could still find it if ya looked.

:D :D :clap2: :thumbs1: :thumbs1: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :rofl: :rofl:

WolfmanNCSU
08-14-2002, 08:46 PM
Alright, I'm in the story now. Lousy UNC fans, they are everywhere I tell you, EVERYWHERE!!!

Tie Guy
08-14-2002, 08:55 PM
Originally posted by WolfmanNCSU
Alright, I'm in the story now. Lousy UNC fans, they are everywhere I tell you, EVERYWHERE!!!

Yeah. My parents went there and my brother goes there now. I might go there also in a few years. The rivalry with NC State isn't as big as the one with Duke, but its still pretty harsh. :D

Artoo
08-14-2002, 10:20 PM
First of all, excellent chapter TieGuy! :clap2::clap2:

Oh yeah baby!!! Number 3 on the list! That means I made it before all you people below me!

*looks at Rhett and Sherack*

Dangit. :rolleyes:

Boba Rhett
08-14-2002, 11:01 PM
I've been on that list since 1984. :cool:

Darth Homer
08-14-2002, 11:01 PM
All that means, Artoo, is that when you finally stop posting, i'll know to go into hiding or get a gun and look for muscle-bound migits. :D

Havoc Stryphe
08-15-2002, 08:42 AM
Great Chapter Tie, :lol: I never tire of reading your interpretation of Heavyarms!



Originally posted by Chase Windu
The people on my hit list are on it for obvious reasons so here's the new and improved hit list:

Rhett
Sherack
Artoo
Darth Homer
Havoc
Tie Guy
Mitth'raw'nuruodo
Eets


Eets is on the list because it seems to me that he just, so very much, wants to be on the list.

Woohoo, I made the list!

Steve Martin ala The Jerk: "The new list is here! The new List is here! Finally, I'm somebody!"

:D

Darth Homer
08-15-2002, 02:57 PM
Originally posted by Havoc Stryphe
Steve Martin ala The Jerk: "The new list is here! The new List is here! Finally, I'm somebody!"

HEH!!
*Bullet whizzes past Homer and strikes one of many oil cans next to him*
IT'S THE CANS!! HE HATES THOSE CANS!!! STAY AWAY FROM THE CANS!!

jediduo
08-15-2002, 03:49 PM
*J-duo shudders* Heavyarms with a metal searing rod.... now that's something you never want to meet in a dark alley.

Excellent chapter, Tie Guy.

Jatt13
08-15-2002, 04:07 PM
ugh. that would be scary. anyway, great chapter! so, who's next, both to get picked up and to write the next chapter?

Eets
08-15-2002, 04:16 PM
I am, and jediduo's next.. in FL :)

jediduo
08-15-2002, 04:22 PM
Hooray!! Please, Eets, I know I'm a newbie, but be nice! J/K. Is this one going to be as good as your other chapter?

Eets
08-15-2002, 04:27 PM
Hopefully better. My last chapter was a snoozefest. :D

Jatt13
08-15-2002, 04:38 PM
so stop talking and get writing!! j/k :D take your time. do it right. make it good. and any other 3 word encouragement you can think of.:rolleyes:

Eets
08-15-2002, 11:54 PM
Shag a bologna? :)

I've been working on it a little bit at a time, but I haven't felt the funny much lately..

Darth Homer
08-17-2002, 04:14 PM
ok, this has been sitting for awhile and we've got a looong way to go, who's next?

Eets
08-17-2002, 04:38 PM
I am.. I'm almost done with my chapter. :)

Eets
08-18-2002, 06:14 PM
Chapter 16: You're Not Getting My Bud Light...


"Arf ruff yip woof bark yip woof!" Said Eets. Darth Homer quickly fell to the ground in shock at the sight of a chihuaha wearing an orange tuxedo that looked like an over-stretched tangerine peeling.

"Florida." Wraith 5 said. "What?" replied Homer.

"He said Florida. He was replying to Rhett, who had just asked where we were going next." said Wraith 5.

Homer replied: "You know how to speak dog?!"

"Sure, you'll get the hang of it after a while."

Homer, who had by now gotten up off of the bus floor cracked another joke. "A talking dog... What'll they think of next, a microwave that makes popcorn?"

The whole busload just stared at him. Finally Rhett spoke up. "Okay, let's get going. It's at least an eight hour drive to Florida from here."

10 hours, 2 gas stops, 3 pounds of cheese, and 2.4 pringles cans later, they arrived in Florida.

*zzzzzzzzz..gnya...* "wh..where are we?!" Said Wraith 8 as he woke up. "It's so flat... so ugly!"

"We just arrived in Florida, we should be somewhere near jediduo's house.." Rhett said as he looked at a map that was blocking his view of the windshield.

"ARF! WOOF WOOF BARK YIP!" cried Eets as he tried to tear the map out of Rhett's hands.

"Who you callin' scruffy lookin'?" said Rhett as he finally gave up and let Eets take over the navigation.

"I believe he was referring to you, since the only other person here that can grow facial hair is Havoc, and he's busy going through your stack of adult literature..." replied Wraith 5 in a matter-of-fact kind of way.

"Wha?! Get out of there, man! I'll tell your wife if I have to!" Rhett yelled to Havoc. Havoc clutched his knees to his chest like an incestuous lovechild that forgot to take his medicine, chanting "My wife! My wife! My wife! My wife! I love my wife! She's the best person in the world! Yes sir, best person ever!"

As Sherack pried Havoc off of his own knees, he said: "I don't understand it... How can you let her whip you into submission like that?"

Havoc, who had by now gained control over himself replied: "Heh, well.. It comes with 'fringe benefits' *nudge nudge, wink wink*... heh..."

Sherack looked at him strangely. Havoc rephrased. "She may be a slavedriver to you, but being married means anytime.. anywhere..."

The strange look on Sherack's face continued. Finally Eets ran up and whispered into Sherack's ear. Sherack blushed and simply said: "Oh, I see now... She's good at dancing, huh? *wink*"

Havoc looked at him blankly and said: "Wow, you really are an ignorant french bastard.."

"Ugggghhh..." moaned Dash as he finally woke up from his cheese-induced hangover. "What time is it?"

"I don't know, the clock sort of broke when Eets got tired of Tie Guy's arguing a point that had something to do with rubber chickens. It's really funny how far a chihuaha can throw an average human..." replied Rhett.

"It's more frightening than funny," moaned Tie Guy as he groped his rib cage.

Everyone stopped to look at Eets, who was wearing a leather jacket and spiked collar, which was somewhat reminiscent of a bad Happy Days rerun. His left eye was twitching nervously as he stood with a "what the f*** do you think you're looking at, b****?" expression on his face.

Chase ran up to the front of the bus and started jumping up and down. "Rhett! Rhett! I did it! I did it!!!"

"Did what?"

"I used the pringles can all by myself!"

"Way to go Chase! I knew you could do it, just like that time I told you that you could fly! Did you remember to wash your hands?"

"Yep! I used this bottle of water." Chase as he held up an empty bottle with the words 'Jack Daniels' written on it.

"Chase, you IDIOT! That was my last bottle!!!" Rhett yelled as he tackled Chase to the ground. After the pummeling was over, Rhett was down on his knees, holding the empty bottle out in front of him. "My Booooze!" he cried, soberingly clenching the empty bottle to his chest.

By this time, everyone had turned to watch the fight. Suddenly someone got a bright idea. "Who's driving the bus?!" Cried Young David.

They all turned toward the driver's seat. Thrawn, who was on a high from eating too many cocoa-covered cheese puffs, was driving at an easy 130 MPH.

"Hi guys! Beautiful day for a drive, huh? Yeah, I love driving! It's the greatest thing since sliced bread! God, I love cocoa! Heh, hehehehehe, ehehehehhe! Say, do you want one of my cocoa-covered cheese puffs?!? No? Okay! Good! More for me! Eheeeeeeee!" He said as he started blasting an unknown Vanilla Ice song on his portable tape player.

Dash's ears perked up. "Did you say cocoa covered CHEESE puffs?! GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE!!" He screamed as he dove for Thrawn's backpack full of hot cocoa packets. Immediately he began making cups of hot cocoa and dipping his spare cheese into the cocoa like any sane person would dunk a cookie into milk.

Just then, there was a loud noise coming from outside. I'll never forget the sound that night. The screechin tires, the bustin glass, the painful scream that iiiii heard last. Oh where oh where could my ba... *cough* anyway, let's get back to the story.

Where was I? Oh yes, a loud noise. Suddenly Thrawn screeched the bus to a stop. He had just hit someone's beat up Ford Festiva harder than Dash's mother could hit a cheese slice that called her names. Everyone got out of the bus to investigate the damage. By now, the car looked like a flattened cigarette carton.

Suddenly a shady figure came up to the group. "WHO IS THE DRIVER HERE?? WHO HIT MY CAR?" He yelled, with an angry look on his face.

Everyone except for Chase, who was busy playing with something that resembled a mouse trap, pointed at Thrawn.

The driver of the cigarette carton ran up to Thrawn and kissed him full on the mouth. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I hated that car so much, and I've been wanting to collect the collision insurance on it! My name's jediduo, what's yours?"

Thrawn just stood there looking like he had just crapped his pants, and by the smell of things, it could be assumed that he did.

Rhett, who appeared to be the least visibly shaken by the disturbing things he just saw, spoke up. "His name's Thrawn. It's a shame that people don't get to know each other better before doing things like that anymore. But anyways, my name's Rhett, and we're here to pick you up!"

As Rhett and duo discussed travel arrangements, Rommel was busy observing the local traffic. "I hate you Americans! What with your fast cars and easy women... You're all just a bunch of Amerisluts!" he said after having some woman's bra knock him to the ground.

Sherack quickly replied: "I know! Isn't America GREAT!?"

After a few minutes of the Canadian and the French/Quebecoix/Canadian's arguing over the pros and cons of America, Rhett finally yelled at them.

"Come on you two! You can discuss your prepubescent fantasies some other time! Get in the bus, we're leaving!" He yelled as he and a few others tried to stuff Thrawn, who looked like a human statue, back into the bus.

Rhett began humming the song "Ice Ice Baby", and set off for the open road.

Artoo
08-18-2002, 07:31 PM
Ehehehehehe, very good eets.

You managed not to force it. :D

Who's next? *looks around nervously* ummmmmmmm, I'll be back sometime.

*runs off*

Jatt13
08-18-2002, 10:15 PM
:D Great job! so, where are we headed next?

Darth Homer
08-19-2002, 12:25 AM
<----- Current status: Still sucks at storytelling

Silenthunter
08-19-2002, 01:17 AM
Great story so far guys! :D Too bad I'm all the way over here in Oregon. And Dash, don't forget, there's LOTS of cheese in California! :D

Sherack Nhar
08-19-2002, 04:09 PM
Oh hey! We need to make a slight detour to pick up SH in Oregon!

And by the way, Eets, here's a little inconsistency that I spotted in your latest chapter:"I believe he was referring to you, since the only other person here that can grow facial hair is Havoc, and he's busy going through your stack of adult literature..." And here's an excerpt of your first chapter:" Was the last thing Rhett heard before he saw a goateed man plastered on the windshield.
[...]
"You must be Sherack." Think before you type, Eets! :D

Darth Homer
08-19-2002, 04:12 PM
Also, I am 22...I just choose to be shaved instead of growing a beard or anything

Eets
08-19-2002, 05:52 PM
Pfft.. It was just a passive insult.. :P

Wraith 5
08-19-2002, 06:05 PM
oh the memories, back in the days when i didn't have a beard....


Thouse were the days.....

Sherack Nhar
08-19-2002, 07:29 PM
Let's see a picture of that hey Wraith 5? ;)

darthfergie
08-20-2002, 08:40 AM
Alright! We're goin to hick town USA!!! GO ARKANSAW!!!:D

Havoc Stryphe
08-20-2002, 08:50 AM
Originally posted by Eets
Chase ran up to the front of the bus and started jumping up and down. "Rhett! Rhett! I did it! I did it!!!"

"Did what?"

"I used the pringles can all by myself!"


:rofl: HAHAhahahahah, that Chase cracks me up! HahahAHaHAHAhAH.....:eyeraise: wait a second...

Originally posted by Eets
"Wha?! Get out of there, man! I'll tell your wife if I have to!" Rhett yelled to Havoc. Havoc clutched his knees to his chest like an incestuous lovechild that forgot to take his medicine, chanting "My wife! My wife! My wife! My wife! I love my wife! She's the best person in the world! Yes sir, best person ever!"

As Sherack pried Havoc off of his own knees, he said: "I don't understand it... How can you let her whip you into submission like that?"

:animelol: Ha...uhuh...uh...haha That's...um...so funny...because it's...soooooo not true...yeah...that's it! *looks around nervously*


:lol: Great Chapter Eets!

Darth Homer
08-20-2002, 04:11 PM
I find it immensly ammusing how you repost the entire story just to say that you're going to kill someone. You can just make your death threat without the huge quote. :rolleyes:

Boba Rhett
08-20-2002, 04:21 PM
Forgive him. For he know not what he doeth.


Yasee.... The forum Chase hangs out at is for people that I like to call "perma-newbies". :D


None of them know what they're doing. :D

Eets
08-20-2002, 04:22 PM
Originally posted by Chase Windu
You do realize that I will kill you twice before you hit the ground don't you?


BTW, which is more entertaining: My character in the stories or my outbursts after I read about myself in the stories?

I'd like to see you try ;)

I'm not quite sure... The "slow aspect" is really funny, but seeing your reactions is great too. :D

Give him the avatar, Rhett! ^_^

Tie Guy
08-20-2002, 06:06 PM
Great Chapter, eets!

But you forgot to put "bada-bing" after everything Homer says. You HAVE to do that from now on.

Darth Homer
08-20-2002, 07:26 PM
Well, I don't mind that...as long as you don't make me the stereotypical "Southern Guy"

There's enough of that without writing one into the story....

Edit:You like my new sig piece, Tie?

Jatt13
08-20-2002, 07:38 PM
hey, artoo, hurry up and post your chapter!:D anyway, i think your reactions are funnier, chase. not that it's not funny how they portray you in the stories(;) ) but your death threats are great!:D

Artoo
08-21-2002, 11:36 PM
OK guys, despite school I finally managed to get this thing up. Here goes my masterpiece. :D

Chapter 17: Who Was The Idiot That Named All These Towns

After waiting about 3 & ½ hours in Florida traffic (hey the people there are old. I mean come on! The Cadillacs are basically starter coffins!) they sped into Alabama. It was here that Wraith 5 discovered the bus’s manual. “Oh! Wait a minute. Do you guys wanna learn something?”

Everyone immediately replied, “No!” except for Chase who was busy trying to busy himself.

“Well too bad here goes anyway. Did you know that this bus’s original intention was to be a gargantuan war-machine that reigned death upon all the enemies of the land of the rising sun?”

Rhett whose little ears perked up like a child on the day of Christmas in Silicon Valley (no, I don’t know what that meant either, but it sure sounded cool) immediately exclaimed, “Did you say hore-machine!?!”

“No, no. War-machine,” answered Wraith 5.

“Oh,” replied Rhett.

“Wow Havoc! They even have a page in here about your wife!”

“Oh let’s hear it,” said Havoc.

“Let me see, should you encounter a ‘Havoc’s wife’ in the wild. There is only one thing you can do. See page 2876 Section AAA Article 45G. Ok then.” Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. “Here we go, get on your bony knees, and pray to whatever God you believe in cause boy, you gonna die,” stated Wraith 5, “that’s not very encouraging.” “Now back to something happier, did you guys know that there was a satellite T.V. in here!?!” he exclaimed.

“Where is it?” asked Homer, “the roof? Badda-Bing!”

“Will someone throw something at him and make it heavy,” said Rhett.

Immediately David, Leon and Wraith 9 tried to rip a seat out of the floor, pulling several muscles in their backs in the process. Eventually Eets just pulled some Dog-Fu on
Homer and left him lying there in a puddle of his own urine and vomit.”

Wraith 5 immediately cried out, “My God Eets! You killed him!”

Only one thing escaped from Homer’s lips, “I’m not dead.”

Havoc said, “Ok, I’ll indulge him just one time. Let’ see how did that line go again? Oh yes, Nonsense! You’ll be stone dead in a moment.”

“No you fool. I am in dire need of medical assistance,” said Homer.

“I don’t remember that line,” said Chase.

“You also don’t remember what your favorite color is,” said Rhett.

At this, Chase ran to the back of the bus saying, “I was sure it was purple! I was sure it was purple! Or was it Yellow? Or was it Yurple?”

It was then when TieGuy said, “Actually, I would classify him as ‘critically injured.’” And a large discussion ensued. Everyone finally quieted down or went to sleep except for TieGuy of course who was still making a point of some sort and Thrawn who was tanked on Cocoa and cheese. When they crossed the border into Arkansas. When they first entered the state, they realized how much better it looked than Alabama, Mississippi, or Florida.”

Leon was the first to exclaim, “Look at all the natural beauty!”

“The trees! The flora! The…” interjected David however he was unable to finish that sentence. For it was right then when he saw a man with more defects than a Hudson River Trout wearing nothing more than a John Deere hat, some patched overalls and, single left shoe. Due to the excessive fear the only person who did not scream like a little schoolgirl was Heavyarms who screamed could easily classified as a little Japanese schoolgirl’s. Granted, the overalls would not have been that bad however this man was in dire need of a bra (D Cup at least (or a Bro if you’ve seen that Seinfield episode)).

Rhett slowly pulled up to the yokel to hopefully ask for directions, but before he could say anything the man began talking, “Howdy ya’ll! I’m Lieutenant Guvenuh Asa Hutchison. The Guvenuh Mike Huckabee was gonna be here, but he was getin his formal overalls cleaned.” This was all the man could get out, before Rhett peeled out trying to get out of there.

“That was scary,” said Chase.

“Yes it was Chase, yes it was,” said Rhett.

As they neared Little Rock, they encountered a house stranger than all those they had passed. It had many cars in the yard, and none of them looked like they ran. But this was not the strange part. There were also many pieces of Star Wars memorabilia lying around along with several bicycles. All of a sudden a strange cloaked man exited the house. Suddenly the cloak flew up in the back as if a very loud stinky wind had blown through it followed by the sound of a bus backfiring. “Sorry guys.” Said the hooded man.

“Are you Darthfergie?” asked Rhett.

“Maybe I am, and maybe I ain’t, and maybe I kinda am except for… (insert fart noise here) fine yes, just let me in the bus.”

“Is that landspeeder over there?” asked Dash pointing to one of the hunks of metal in the yard.

“Very astute of you,” said Fergie, “it very well is. My dad even gave it a custom paint job,” he said beaming with pride at the Confederate flag painted on the hood. “And it even plays Dixie,” he said while pressing the horn. Immediately those on the bus heard that all too familiar strain of music.

“We’ve been hearing that for the last 2 states!” exclaimed C-dog. “What is the meaning behind it?” he asked.

“Well ya see,” replied Fergie, “there was a big war back in the day between the north and the south. And we whipped em. And this was our song we played all the while, so people now play it to remember the south.”

“Oh,” said C-dog as they headed down the road.

“Do you know how to get anywhere in this state? Your road system makes less sense than Rhett’s little brother at times,” said Thrawn.

“Well you better let me drive, cause you don’t know the back-road through Cotton Plant, or the shortcut through Toad Suck and straight to Pickle’s Gap,” replied Fergie.

After hearing the names of these towns Thrawn quickly conceded the driver’s seat and scurried his way to the back of the bus to avoid the smell emanating from Fergie.

After 45 minutes and passing through several very poorly named towns such as Guy and Smackover, they pulled up to a happy mid-class home seemingly in the middle of nowhere.

“Hey Artoo!” shouted Fergie, “You wanna go on a road trip?”

Immediately the door opened and a guy with a bad case of acne came out. But what was most unusual about this person was the little fuzzy plush doll he carried with him. “Yeah Buddy! You know I’m always up for a good road trip! Where is it this time, 56?” He suddenly held the little doll up to his ear. After a second he took the doll away, looked at it strangely and called out, “Chuckles wants to know if that bus gets satellite.”

It was at this point when Rhett’s curiosity got the better of him and he called out, “Yes, but what is that you have in your hands?”

“Oh this is just Chuckles the Wily Wonder Wampa! He talks to me and helps me and gives me really good advice,” replied Artoo.

“C’mon Artoo we gotta pick up Jatt!” said Fergie.

“Ok,” replied Artoo, “But you better let me drive it’s pretty tricky getting through Weiner and Crows.”

“Ok,” said Fergie as he got up and headed to the back.

After mounting Willy in the windshield through the miracle of window-sucker technology, and with a big “YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAW!!!” They set out for Jatt’s house.

Another hour down the road Artoo suddenly cried out, “Hey ya’ll! Look out the winder! We’re passin through Flippen Arkansas! There’s the Flippen Wal-Mart, the Flippen McDonalds, and the Flippen Baptist Church!” Before anyone could look out the window he replied, “Aw shucks. It’s already passed. Oh well too bad. Ya’ll sure missed it.”

Finally after passing through Wooster, they came upon Jatt’s house. When they stopped Fergie yelled out, “Hey Jatt! Git out here! We goin ta California!”

Jatt walked out of his house and into the bus and upon seeing Chuckles he said, “Hey you brought Chuckles! Is he wearing his I see dumb people shirt?”

“Nope,” replied Artoo, “Today it’s ‘I ate the cook.’”

“Oh well,” said Jatt as he took his seat.

They were almost out of Arkansas when Sherack finally turned and said to Rommel, “These American towns have the weirdest names.”

“I know,” replied Rommel, “I also noticed they aren’t much shorter than Canadian ones like I was expecting them to be.

“Oh well,” said Sherack with a chuckle as they finally passed into eastern Texas.

Jatt13
08-21-2002, 11:48 PM
yay, finally! ;) that was great, artoo! chuckles sounds just like a certain person we both know... *coughwiggscoughchokegag...* anyway, good chapter. i was laughing all the way through! :D

Boba Rhett
08-21-2002, 11:58 PM
Finally! :D *throws shoe at Artoo*

Weird... I just bought a lil' wampa! :eek:


I swear, staying in a "hill williams" town will begin to melt your brain after the two day mark. :D




NEXT! :cool:

Sherack Nhar
08-22-2002, 12:34 AM
Oh oh, I think I'm finally next, heh? Or is there someone else to pick up before xwing guy?

Darth Homer
08-22-2002, 01:04 AM
just one piece that wasn't cleared up...am i still critically wounded? At least I'm not dead, yet :D

JEDI_MASTA
08-22-2002, 01:45 PM
*just then the riders hear something... it slowly grows louder*...


they turn around only to see MASTA!!! riding in on the jedi mobile behind the bus... (it really hurts... u guys forgot me :'(

Eets
08-22-2002, 02:46 PM
*falls out of his chair*

Where in halibut did C-Dog come from!? :O

Artoo
08-22-2002, 06:10 PM
okay that last half was like comically unedited, but I wanted to get it up bad. I have stuff to do tonight, but I'm gonna post a re-re-re-re-edit probably tomorrow or saturday.

sorry for the wait but school is a littel tougher.

Tie Guy
08-22-2002, 06:30 PM
Originally posted by JEDI_MASTA
*just then the riders hear something... it slowly grows louder*...


they turn around only to see MASTA!!! riding in on the jedi mobile behind the bus... (it really hurts... u guys forgot me :'(


Where do you live? Arkansas?

jediduo
08-22-2002, 09:00 PM
Sweet, Artoo!! That was great! Hooray for chuckles the wonder wampa. Um, guys, I kinda got in trouble for being on the forums too much, so I won't be on near as much. I am very very very very mad.

DashRendar
08-22-2002, 09:53 PM
Originally posted by Eets
*falls out of his chair*

Where in halibut did C-Dog come from!? :O

O I don't know...maybe OFF THE BY-PLANE! :p

darthfergie
08-23-2002, 07:08 PM
Originally posted by jediduo
Sweet, Artoo!! That was great! Hooray for chuckles the wonder wampa. Um, guys, I kinda got in trouble for being on the forums too much, so I won't be on near as much. I am very very very very mad.

35 posts is alot???

BTW, you done plum ferg't som o'da terns dat we ben'a'pasin tru. Y'u no dos meterpolises lik Possum Hollow, Possum Gap, Ash Flat, Deer Head, Hog Gap, Paris, Addiction, Possum Acres an dat streng un Graphic. Y'u g't ta'hav dese terns o dey wun' bee'na'stery...

Darth Homer
08-23-2002, 10:26 PM
Originally posted by darthfergie
BTW, you done plum ferg't som o'da terns dat we ben'a'pasin tru. Y'u no dos meterpolises lik Possum Hollow, Possum Gap, Ash Flat, Deer Head, Hog Gap, Paris, Addiction, Possum Acres an dat streng un Graphic. Y'u g't ta'hav dese terns o dey wun' bee'na'stery...

damn, I wish I could read that....:confused:

Artoo
08-23-2002, 11:23 PM
hehehe, I wish I could write that, oh well, here's the incredible revision, incredibly-large that is, to stay as told right now.

Chapter 17: My Genuine Boomstick

After waiting about 3 & ½ hours in Florida traffic (hey the people there are old. I mean come on! The Cadillacs are basically starter coffins!) they sped into Alabama. It was here that Wraith 5 discovered the bus’s manual. “Oh! Wait a minute. Do you guys wanna learn something?”

Everyone immediately replied, “No!” except for who was busy trying to busy himself.

“Well too bad here goes anyway. Did you know that this bus’s original intention was to be a gargantuan war-machine that reigned death upon all the enemies of the land of the rising sun?”

[B]Rhett whose little ears perked up like a child on the day of Christmas in Silicon Valley (no, I don’t know what that meant either, but it sure sounded cool) immediately exclaimed, “Did you say hore-machine!?!”

“No, no. War-machine,” answered Wraith 5.

“Oh,” replied Rhett.

“Wow Havoc! They even have a page in here about your wife!”

“Oh let’s hear it,” said Havoc.

“Let me see, should you encounter a ‘Havoc’s wife’ in the wild. There is only one thing you can do. See page 2876 Section AAA Article 45G. Ok then.” Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. “Here we go, get on your bony knees, and pray to whatever God you believe in cause boy, you gonna die,” stated Wraith 5, “that’s not very encouraging.” “Now back to something happier, did you guys know that there was a satellite T.V. in here!?!” he exclaimed.

“Where is it?” asked Homer, “the roof? Badda-Bing!”

“Will someone throw something at him and make it heavy,” said Rhett.

Immediately David, Leon and Wraith 9 tried to rip a seat out of the floor, pulling several muscles in their backs in the process. Eventually Eets just pulled some Dog-Fu on
Homer and left him lying there in a puddle of his own urine and vomit.”

Wraith 5 immediately cried out, “My God Eets! You killed him!”

Only one thing escaped from Homer’s lips, “I’m not dead.”

Havoc said, “Ok, I’ll indulge him just one time. Let’ see how did that line go again? Oh yes, Nonsense! You’ll be stone dead in a moment.”

“No you fool. I am in dire need of medical assistance,” said Homer.

“I don’t remember that line,” said Chase.

“You also don’t remember what your favorite color is,” said Rhett.

At this, Chase ran to the back of the bus saying, “I was sure it was purple! I was sure it was purple! Or was it Yellow? Or was it Yurple?”

It was then when TieGuy said, “Actually, I would classify him as ‘critically injured.’” And a large discussion ensued. Everyone finally quieted down or went to sleep except for TieGuy of course who was still making a point of some sort and Thrawn who was tanked on Cocoa and cheese. When they crossed the border into Arkansas. When they first entered the state, they realized how much better it looked than Alabama, Mississippi, or Florida.”

Leon was the first to exclaim, “Look at all the natural beauty!”

“The trees! The flora! The…” interjected David however he was unable to finish that sentence. For it was right then when he saw a man with more defects than a Hudson River Trout wearing nothing more than a John Deere hat, some patched overalls and, single left shoe. Due to the excessive fear the only person who did not scream like a little schoolgirl was Heavyarms who screamed could easily classified as a little Japanese schoolgirl’s. Granted, the overalls would not have been that bad however this man was in dire need of a bra (D Cup at least (or a Bro if you’ve seen that Seinfield episode)).

Rhett slowly pulled up to the yokel to hopefully ask for directions, but before he could say anything the man began talking, “Howdy ya’ll! I’m Lieutenant Guvenuh Asa Hutchison. The Guvenuh Mike Huckabee was gonna be here, but he was getin his formal overalls cleaned.” This was all the man could get out, before Rhett peeled out trying to get out of there.

“That was scary,” said Chase.

“Yes it was Chase, yes it was,” said Rhett.

As they neared Little Rock, they encountered a house stranger than all those they had passed. It had many cars in the yard, and none of them looked like they ran. But this was not the strange part. There were also many pieces of Star Wars memorabilia lying around along with several bicycles. All of a sudden a strange cloaked man exited the house. Suddenly the cloak flew up in the back as if a very loud stinky wind had blown through it followed by the sound of a bus backfiring. “Sorry guys.” Said the hooded man.

“Are you Darthfergie?” asked Rhett.

“Maybe I am, and maybe I ain’t, and maybe I kinda am except for… (insert fart noise here) fine yes, just let me in the bus.”

“Is that a landspeeder over there?” asked Dash pointing to one of the hunks of metal in the yard.

“Very astute of you,” said Fergie, “it very well is. My dad even gave it a custom paint job,” he said beaming with pride at the Confederate flag painted on the hood. “And it even plays Dixie,” he said while pressing the horn. Immediately those on the bus heard that all too familiar strain of music.

“We’ve been hearing that for the last 2 states!” exclaimed C-dog. “What is the meaning behind it?” he asked.

“Well ya see,” replied Fergie, “there was a big war back in the day between the north and the south. And we whipped em. And this was our song we played all the while, so people now play it to remember the south.”

“Oh,” said C-dog as they headed down the road.

“Do you know how to get anywhere in this state? Your road system makes less sense than Rhett’s little brother at times,” said Thrawn.

“Well you better let me drive, cause you don’t know the back-road through Cotton Plant, or the shortcut through Toad Suck and straight to Pickle’s Gap,” replied Fergie.

After hearing the names of these towns Thrawn quickly conceded the driver’s seat and scurried his way to the back of the bus to avoid the smell emanating from Fergie.

After 45 minutes and passing through several very poorly named towns such as Guy and Smackover, they pulled up to a happy middle class home seemingly in the middle of nowhere.

“Hey Artoo!” shouted Fergie, “You wanna go on a road trip?”

Immediately the door opened and a guy with a bad case of acne came out. But what was most unusual about this person was the little fuzzy plush doll he carried with him. “Yeah Buddy! You know I’m always up for a good road trip! Where is it this time, 56?” He suddenly held the little doll up to his ear. After a second he took the doll away, looked at it strangely and called out, “Chuckles wants to know if that bus gets satellite.”

It was at this point when Rhett’s curiosity got the better of him and he called out, “Yes, but what is that you have in your hands?”

“Oh this is just Chuckles the Wily Wonder Wampa! He talks to me and helps me and gives me really good advice,” replied Artoo.

“C’mon Artoo we gotta pick up Jatt!” yelled Fergie.

“Ok,” replied Artoo, “But you better let me drive it’s pretty tricky getting through Weiner and Crows.”

“Ok,” said Fergie as he got up and headed to the back.

After mounting Willy in the windshield through the miracle of window-suction cup technology, and with a big “YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAW!!!” They set out for Jatt’s house.

Another hour down the road Artoo suddenly cried out, “Hey ya’ll! Look out the winder! We’re passin through Flippen Arkansas! There’s the Flippen House of Pancakes, the Flippen McDonalds, and the Flippen Baptist Church!”

I need to stop at the Flippen Wal-Mart to get me some Flippen whiskey,” said Rhett.

“And I need some Flippen cheese!” exclaimed Dash.

As they pulled into the parking lot, Heavyarms finally awoke from one of his various comas he’s been put into on this trip he said, “Finally. I need a F*****G bathroom break.”

“Heavyarms,” said Leon, “It’s supposed to be Flippen! Like the name of the town! That’s what makes it a pun.”

“We’re in a town called Flippen?” asked Heavyarms.

“Just get off the bus,” said David.

Everyone exited the bus and proceeded inside the Flippen Wal-Mart. (Man we are Flippen milking this Flippen piece) Inside while everyone was admiring the Flippen Wal-Mart’s Flippen three rows of glory Rhett was in pursuit of some moonshine. He proceeded to the isle 2 register and said to the clerk, “Hey, do you have any of the good stuff?”

The clerk glanced to his sides to make sure no one was watching and he whispered to Rhett, “You bet your sweet uncle Milte’s bronzed and brassed sow barrel filled with genetic test chickens dumped by Tyson we do.”

“Ah good, I’ll have 3 of your finest jugs,” replied Rhett.

The clerk stared at him blankly, “Come again sir?”

“I said 3 of your finest jugs, moonshine my good man,” said Rhett.

The clerk flew into a fit of rage that could barely be contained by his 5’ 9”, 78 lb., paper-thin body. “Son, do you have any idea how offensive I find that!? Ever since that g** d*** DELIVERANCE movie came out, everybody thinks we’re a bunch of moonshine running unlearned social pariahs. I could sue you for slander!” exclaimed the clerk.

“What are you going to do to me? My body is filled up with such a volatile combination of delivery pizza, whiskey, movie nachos, ANY domestic beer imaginable, Shipley’s finest (and not so finest) donuts, a little bit of vodka, an amount of candy bars that only god and the Hershey spy satellite orbiting above us know, AND the poor man’s hooch floor polish!!!” replied Rhett calmly. You couldn’t pierce my alcohol infused liver with a samurai’s sword.

“Well I wasn’t thinking much about your liver, but I think this could do a’ might to your head, though I do not know what it would damage,” said the clerk as he introduced Rhett to a genuine 4 (yes 4) barreled “boomstick.” But what Rhett was focused on was the message on the left and rightmost barrels. It read as follows, “Lil’ Sakura. Cause Aimin’s fer sissies.”

“Why is it named Little Sakura?” asked Rhett trying to distract the clerk from causing a very big ouchie.

“Well,” said the clerk, “That Little Sakura thing was on there when I got’s me the gun. It came from Japan.”

“You’ve been to Japan?!?” said Rhett?

“Good Lord boy! What planet are you from? Canada? I ordered this on tha E-Bay on that there computermatation machine, though I’ll be derned if I ever heard of a bay named E,” said the clerk.

“Why on earth do you have 4 barrels?” inquired Rhett.

The shopping clerk finally putting his gun on the counter replied, “Well that’s a silly question, cause 5 would simply be excessive.”

Rhett seeing the man was not going to shoot him, “What did you think when I said good stuff exactly?”

“Why the best stuff of all, Crystallized Methanfetamines finest in most of Arkansas,” replied the clerk.

Rhett was about to reply when he noticed Artoo holding that stuffed Wampa up to his ears again. “What’s that Chuckle’s?” said Artoo. “You say we should go to the toy isle? Ok, but I don’t know why,” said Artoo as he headed to the toy section. “SWEET ACTION!!!” exclaimed Artoo.

Rhett looking for any escape from further conversation with the clerk headed towards the toy section to see what Artoo was babbling about. “What are you… SWEET BOBA FETT’S PINE-SCENTED, GALVANIZED CODPIECE!!!” he exclaimed as he stared at an entire row of vintage ’77 Star Wars action figures. “If only they had a *gasp* Princes Leia in Jabba palace bikini!” exclaimed Rhett as he ripped open the box and grabbed the action figure.

Sherack who was wondering at the commotion asked, “Ummm, Rhett? Why are you fondling the action figure?”

“Just give me 5 minutes!” exclaimed Rhett.

“I don’t even think it’ll take that long,” replied Havoc, which only added to Sherack’s mounting confusion.

Rhett eyed the rest of the figures and then checked to see if anyone was coming. When the coast was clear he grabbed them all and stuffed them inside his XXXXL T-shirt. When he finally got them situated to where they wouldn’t shift around he yelled at everyone, “Okay guys! It’s time to move out!”

With several grumblings people got back on the bus. There were only 3 things that could be heard clearly in the bus, Rhett fondling the action figure, Eets shivering from a Meth letdown, and Artoo talking to Chuckle’s, “What was that Chuckles? A chapter that was so drawn out it seemed like it would never end? You wily, wacky, wonderful, waffle-wolfing, Wampa.”

Finally after leaving the Wal-Mart and passing through Wooster, they came upon Jatt’s house. When they stopped Fergie yelled out, “Hey Jatt! Git out here! We goin ta California!”

Jatt walked out of his house and into the bus and upon seeing Chuckles he said, “Hey you brought Chuckles! Is he wearing his Eat Tauntauns, Cuddle Wampas shirt?”

“Nope,” replied Artoo, “That was Tuesday. Today it’s his ‘I ate the cook' apron.”

Jatt took his seat when Chuckles whispered into Artoo’s ears, “What was that Chuckles? End the chapter now? Ok.”

---------------------------------------------

"Well you know what this means, size doesn't matter and screw the limit!"

Darth Homer
08-23-2002, 11:33 PM
Why is it that I have a bit part at the begining of ever chapter and then not seen again 'till the next one? Oh well, at least I'm not being left out completely! :D

Tie Guy
08-23-2002, 11:44 PM
Originally posted by Darth Homer
Why is it that I have a bit part at the begining of ever chapter and then not seen again 'till the next one? Oh well, at least I'm not being left out completely! :D

Because in the story you are incredibly annoying so after you say one thing everyone shuts you up. ;) Similar to what happens to me, i can't really say/argue more than one thing in a chapter.

xwing guy
08-24-2002, 08:57 PM
Just lettin' yall know since yall are gonna be picking my up soon I figured that yall should know a little about the names of thangs and places. First I go to school in Atlanta, TX, but I live about 10 minutes outside of Atlanta out in a pasture and with lots of forests around. Second I play 9th grade football and our mascot is the rabbit(don't laugh our varisity beats everybody) and we're big rivals with a town thats right next to us called Queen City. Atlanta's pop is 5,745 since the census in 2000. Our towns industry is logging so you'll see lots of log trucks going down the road. Also the highway that you go down and then off of in order to get to where my house thats in the middle of nowhere goes straight down to the state line with Lousiana where all the beer joints are. Use this information however you want to Sherack, its at your disposal.

darthfergie
08-24-2002, 11:02 PM
Ay Artoo wart abut min Jedy pow'r? Y'u ferg't ta put't en der. Evarbodi nos dat I hav som o' da mos pow'rfll pow'rs en da werd. An ya ferg't abut me Stair Wers sherts. An ya stile lef ot Possum Hollow, Possum Gap, an Hog Gap! Ya gost ta reminder dat stuf.

Eets
08-24-2002, 11:42 PM
Originally posted by darthfergie

Ay Artoo wart abut min Jedy pow'r? Y'u ferg't ta put't en der. Evarbodi nos dat I hav som o' da mos pow'rfll pow'rs en da werd. An ya ferg't abut me Stair Wers sherts. An ya stile lef ot Possum Hollow, Possum Gap, an Hog Gap! Ya gost ta reminder dat stuf.


*kicks fergie in the shins in hopes that he'll either shut the blank up, or talk like a normal person*

darthfergie
08-25-2002, 12:13 AM
I dern no wa yer tallkin abut Eats. Bay da wie...we'uns steel ned ta pik erp The MadDoofer after X-Wing guy...

Darth Homer
08-25-2002, 04:04 AM
*hits fergie in face with shovel*

Oops, too hard....SOMEONE GET SOME SMELLING SALTS!!!

Eets
08-25-2002, 08:51 AM
Screw the smelling salts.. at least now he can't talk like a redneck! ^_^

Sherack Nhar
08-25-2002, 05:08 PM
Thanks for the info xwing guy, I certainly am going to use it!

So since nobody claimed to have the next chapter except me, I guess I'm going to do it... It may be up tonight or tomorrow evening.

JEDI_MASTA
08-25-2002, 06:20 PM
Originally posted by Tie Guy



Where do you live? Arkansas?


heck i dont know where uv been... maybe i just came and fond u ;)

xwing guy
08-25-2002, 08:12 PM
Whats wrong with the way fergie is talking? I can understand all of it, I jus' cain't t'pe it very 'ell. :D

Crazyus Dogus
08-26-2002, 06:50 AM
When am I gonna be in it? (Or have I already been, gone, and missed it? :confused: )

STTCT
08-26-2002, 11:46 AM
guys i would like to attempt to write a chapter for our story. are the chapters all taken? even if its an inbetween chapter that be okay.

Jatt13
08-27-2002, 06:49 PM
from the way i understand it, just say you wanna write 1, and you'll get shoved into the order. as far as i know, sherack's next and no1's up after that. but i'm not certain, so ask some 1 else. :D